Obituaries that are outright lies

I see quite a bit he/she lit up the room.

maybe he was a socially influential man. The politics of small towns can be surprising and peope with outwardly unimpressive roles can be quite powerful

This bothers me too and I feel like such an asshole for it. But I think it speaks to a kind of childish need to live in fantasy that is just not good for the human race in general. It's okay to not be that great. I think it reflects a kind of anxiety people have about being grand.

This will be an interesting thread. Thank you for starting it OP, but do you really think it’s impossible for a salesperson dealing w blue collar businesses to be a “pillar of the community” and “well-known to important businessmen.”? It might not be true, but it’s not because of what he did for a living. Sometimes those guys do the most for their communities.

People's resumes are usually grossly overstated. Why should their obits be any different?

I went to the service of a friend whose sister used the "she lit up the room". My friend most assuredly did not as she was rather shy and retiring but I think a lot of people don't know what else to say and are not comfortable writing and speaking in public so just stick to platitudes.

I recently had a friend die and there was an outpouring of love about what a nice guy he was. He was nice sometimes but he was a sloppy drunk who would drunk call people and insult them.

“He was a lying sack of shit who abandoned his kids. His good side was only shared with a string secret lovers…”

String of*

Personally, I light up a room, am a pillar of my community, and I look 20 even though I am 60.

It's not just narcissism to repaint an awful person as a Saint. It's also done for people who did nothing with their lives or lived extremely boring and unremarkable lives by disappointed surviving relatives trying to save face.

Weird thing to get angry about. Unless they were writing nice things about Hitler type scumbag, who cares. Of course they are going to exaggerate

“Beloved cunt”. I mean “beloved aunt”!!!

When my evil mafioso uncle died his obituary said he was "a devout Catholic who helped everyone". Vomitous.

Someone should start a meme page constructed of nothing but posts of "honest" obituaries as a buffer. Here's what ChatGPT came up with from the fictional info I fed it.

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**Obituary: John Archibald Smith (1952 - 2024)**

John Archibald Smith, born on May 8, 1952, in Boston, MA, shuffled off this mortal coil on February 18, 2024, leaving behind a legacy as complex as his spreadsheets and as controversial as his courtroom arguments.

Son of Oliver and Mary Smith (nee Lima), John was an individual who charted his own unique path through life—a path that most bystanders would describe as a twisted, self-serving maze with a 'no trespassing' sign. Educated in business administration, John segued seamlessly into law school, where he earned his jurisdoctor in 1978. He then carved out a storied career in law, specializing in defending more dubious characters than a Shakespearean villain.

John's professional success, however, was overshadowed by his reputation as a neighbor's nightmare and a family's foil. Despite marrying Carol amidst the tumult of law school in 1975, their union was a seemingly bumpy ride—rocky enough to hide more skeletons than the family mausoleum. They were blessed (or cursed) with two sons, Darren (born 1977) and Luke (born 1981), who were treated by their father with all the warmth of a polar vortex.

While some may laud John's tenacity in his professional endeavors, his personal life was more intricate than a telenovela plot twist. His so-called friends were more like professional associates, with their relationship akin to a client-lawyer privilege—strictly business and rarely cordial. Even his closest confidant and golfing buddy, Greg, had a long-standing affair with Carol, a saga that wouldn't be out of place in a soap opera. Unbeknownst to John (or maybe beknownst but unacknowledged), Greg turned out to be not just a friend in court, but also a friendly face at home—particularly friendly, if you catch our drift.

John's passing leaves behind a ripple effect more complicated than a tax code amendment. His younger son, Luke, celebrated the revelation that the man he loathed wasn't actually his father, instead finding paternal solace in Greg's golf swing and charming demeanor. Darren, unfortunately, found solace elsewhere, navigating life's challenges with more turbulence than a drunk pilot.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that any mourners considering sending condolences kindly send them to the nearest rehab center, where Darren may or may not be receiving his nth round of self-discovery.

John will be remembered for his distinctive presence in this world, much like a pebble in a shoe—unwelcome, abrasive, and impossible to ignore. May he find in the next life the empathy and companionship that eluded him in this one.

Rest in peace, John Archibald Smith. May your obituary be as honest as your account books.

Everyone who dies of an illness always bravely fights that illness toward the end.

I doubt they did anything like that.

Most obituaries are filled with lies.

Far more people are "deeply missed by their loved ones" in obituaries than they are in real life.

I come from a small town, rural region. Everybody knows everybody or knows OF everybody. There are large, interrelated families whether by biology or marriage.

For my entertainment dollar, nothing surpasses an obituary for settling a score or creating one.

Common trouble areas - Whose name was left out? Whose name was mentioned (a baby born on the wrong side of the blanket is a good one for that)?

As for a lie, "(S)He is survived by the love of their life for 35 years of marriage_____( surviving spouse's name)".

Without exception, every time a surviving spouse uses those words, it's cause for eyeroll and laughter because everybody knows the dead spouse cheated on their spouse, sometimes in a long-time relationship with their paramour.

The surviving spouse knows it, too, but it's their way of having the last word.

I get the Charleston WV Gazette on Sundays. The first thing I turn to are the obits.

Most go on and on like a novella. I am not a beloved anything. Mine will be short and sweet R19

Just the facts, which needn't be tedious (at least in some cases) but without any note of the feelings of his survivors or embroidered interpretations of people's feelings, dead or alive.

"He enjoyed a far-flung circle of friends of all ages and backgrounds and perspectives." Okay.

"His face always lit up like an Xmas tree when he saw one of his old drinking buddies." No.

Stuff that's purely filler harvested from some other poor fucker's flowery obit, that's purely a matter of opinion and perspective and well-meaning (mis-)attribution doesn't belong.

Who was this guy? For what is he known or will be remembered? Where did he live or move around in the world? Work/Pursuits/Lifelong interests?/Accomplishments? And survivors? Nothing more.

I don’t think that’s too bad.

My best friend’s step dad who was also my mom’s former coworker died a few years ago. The obituary referred to mother of his biological children/first wife as the love of his life and first love. My mom cackled. It was a messy divorce and he didn’t shed a tear when she died. They got married super young because she was pregnant.

I just love the obits that say something really funny so you know the dearly departed wrote it: one years ago was for an elderly Chicago woman and the final line was something like, “never vote for Republicans” or something similar. Priceless.

Mrs. Stone was a very successful, long time business owner. In fact, she was the owner of arguably the most popular entertainment attraction across the tri-county area.

The location of this business as most of the men reading this obituary will attest to was between her legs. She also had a second entertainment attraction lovingly referred to as the Backdoor Blown Out.