Would you write back?
I got a letter today asking if I wanted to get in touch with the sender, a friend in college from 50 years ago. I have not heard one word from him since 1996. His last phone call was enough to sever any contact since. He was fun back in the 70's but hasn't had or been much fun since. The last time I saw him in person, about 30 years ago, he was drunk and combative and trying to pick up (and then start fights with when they blew him off) members of a water polo team half his age at a hotel in Florida. He was out of control to the point that I left.
He has had issues with alcohol and maintaining his mental health, attempted suicide and failed, never had a job equal to his potential and clearly had a lot bad going on when I lost contact with him, deliberately. I'm guessing the outreach boilerplate is part of a recovery process - "I'm trying to reconnect with some old friends of which I consider you one" but also "If you don't choose to respond, please accept my apologies."
I'm not eager to reply as I have enough drama in my life already and no great desire to catch up even if he is sober now. It might be interesting, it might be sad, and I dunno, if he's fragile I don't want to make things worse for him. Given what I knew of him years back, it likely means he wants something. But what? Would you be interested enough to follow up and find out?
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | April 17, 2024 6:36 AM
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As someone who was in a 12-step program, it doesn't really matter either way. If you don't respond, the act of his reaching out to you will count as him "making amends." If you see him and he makes amends, respond graciously. If you don't think you're able to do that, and/or don't want to re-establish contact, don't feel obligated.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | April 17, 2024 1:55 AM
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An old friend of mine from my old job (P&G) left a message on my answering machine asking to reconnect. I saved the message, and considered it, but then I got a post card in my PO Box from her, again, asking to reconnect. That freaked me out, since there's no reason she should have my PO Box address. She must have a job with access to my private data, and that's abridge I don't plan to cross.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | April 17, 2024 2:03 AM
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OP, it sounds a bit suss. He may have ulterior motifs, I'd let sleeping dogs lie.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | April 17, 2024 2:11 AM
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I’d write back if I felt I had to say something and/or wanted to hear what he had to say. I don’t get that from what you wrote here. I voted to let sleeping dogs lie.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | April 17, 2024 2:15 AM
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R4 Is right. Read how your described this. There is nothing good you can get out of the contact, and there is nothing good you can give him.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | April 17, 2024 2:45 AM
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I’d reply, “Thank you. I’ve had sufficient.”
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | April 17, 2024 2:49 AM
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No.
Shouldn't there be more recent people in his life for him to reconnect with?
Reaching all the way back 30 years to you means he's left a lot of destruction in his wake.
I wouldn't respond, not even to say "no thank you", those types interpret even a negative response as an opening.
A destructive, addictive moocher I deliberately lost touch with decades ago contacted me and I responded with a simple : "I'm not interested. I don't want to be contacted again. I will not respond again.". Of course, he contacted me AGAIN after that. I shouldn't have responded.
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | April 17, 2024 4:02 AM
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I think he's looking for character witnesses for his upcoming trial.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | April 17, 2024 6:17 AM
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R2, maybe she just asked a friend/relative for your address?
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | April 17, 2024 6:36 AM
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