My son just had a book published.

I didn't mean that I'm proud that he's reliving it, but that he can express himself the way he does. Lol, I should read before I post.

A suit or coat and tie is always appropriate at a press conference. Don't speak out unless directly asked something, and try as much as possible to defer to your son. It'll be fine.

[quote]I'm so proud of him.

Awww, that's sweet. And congratulations on your son's success. (Sorry about the sadness he's endured.)

Sorry R2 I'm a woman. Not trying to be trouble. I won't say anything unless spoken to.

A woman? Here?? :)

It's a business occasion. So wear whatever you would wear to an office or a business lunch.

Thank you R3. He's immortalized her, and I think that's beautiful. It's kind of a comedy as well. He managed to find some humor.

Lol, yes, I come her a lot. I am sorry if anyone is mad about that. * Business or office. I've never worked in that environment. I've raised kids most of my.life. I'm not good at fashion decisions. I'm a mess, and nervous. His best friend is the head of archives for this state and he's told me not to stress, but I am.

Just get fall-down drunk and screech over and over, "My heart is full!!".

Dress as you would for church or an important school/PTA meeting and you'll be fine. Don't stress out -your son is going to be center stage and he will answer all the questions. You're there for moral support. If he gets stressed, seeing you smiling at him will make all the difference in the world. Good luck!

Ok R9. Thank you❤️

It’s not about you.

I usually have an edible when I'm stressed, but I won't do that Monday, R8..

I KNOW it's not about me R11. I'm not trying to say it is.

He better thank you personally at his presser for pushing him out and ruining your fanny in the process, making you less sexually desirable as a result. None of his current success would be possible without your sacrifice.

Avoid any kind of drugs or alcohol, OP -you want all your wits about you. If you find yourself in a panic, have a pad and pen on hand and keep yourself busy jotting down your son's answers. If asked about it, you can always say you want to be able to check the published quotes for accuracy. ;) Seriously, having something in your hands really helps. Ever notice how singers grab onto microphones and play with the cords? You'll be just fine without any chemical aid.

OP - I think it is exciting that your son will be a published author and has a press conference. I’ll bet you are nervous - thank you for sharing this - you will have some fellow dataloungers cheering you and your son on. With his wife’s sudden death I am sure that the last few years have been full of sadness - I hope for happy times ahead.

Thank you so much R16. Sincerely thank you.

Ok R15. I won't have a drink or anything else. I'll take your advice and have pen and paper. I honestly wouldn't have thought of that. Thank you!

R14, 😄💌

How's Packer?

Whose that R20?

[quote]Whose that [R20]?

Oh dear!

😣 I just realized that R22.

About a month ago before he knew he was getting published I got him a cameo from David Arquette. He was kind of down and discouraged. David Aquette was just fantastic. Cameo asked * what do you want DA to know about your son.* So told him about my son, that he's a wonderful son, he is sensitive to other people's problems, but he can be kind of grouchy, lol. He answered right away at about 11:00 eastern time. When my son got up for work I said you have a message on my phone. He was like alright mom, who. When he opened the message there was DA talking to him. He really was great, and encouraging. He said he could be a little grumpy, too, lol.

OP can I ask why he's having a press conference? Don't most authors give a reading upon publication? Or maybe explain what you mean by a press conference exactly? Do you mean a bunch of reporters will ask him about the book? Or is it something else?

(I didn't realize that press conferences were part of the publication process, so forgive me if these dumb questions!)

Packer is Colton's brother, R21.

A simple black dress with tasteful accessories will always be appropriate.

No, it's not a dumb question. I really dont know why or how this works. Yes, there will be reporters from local papers and the Charleston Gazette who will be there. They said it's press conference and asked him to be there. The book has not been published yet, but is going to be, and they want to do a press conference about it. It's not been published yet ( sorry I misspoke), but is going to be.

Surely you've got a 5mg Valium rolling around in the bottom of your handbag, OP? Just brush off the lint and take that about a half hour before the press conference begins. Just to take the edge off.

🤣 yes I do have a few in my bag. It is Valium 10mg, too!

Whatever this is, please stop encouraging it.

[quote]My son just had a book published… It’s about my DIL who was killed in a car accident 3 yrs ago.

Did the car swerve while she was giving road head?

No you prick. R32.

"Accident"? Your son cut the brake lines and killed her, for the insurance money. Keith Morrison and a Dateline crew will be meeting you all at the press conference. Get your game on. Quick.

😄 I shouldn't laugh, but no definitely not R34!

You are a cool mom to give your son the David Arquette Cameo - glad to hear that Arquette was a good guy! Monday will be here before you know it. Whenever I think of a press conference like that I think of “The Good Wife.” ….. the above poster was right - if you see Keith Morrison and his crew nosing around up there with his crew - grab your car keys and hit the road - Ha, Ha … Relax and enjoy it. Please let us know how it goes!

R34 now THAT makes a ton more sense than a press conference being held just for a book deal.

😅 thank you R36! I really does mean a lot to me and my son. We' ll be checking our rear view mirrors and we'll take emergency money in case we have to make a run for it to South America!

Lucite heels are a MUST.

Thank you R36, that really does mean a lot to me and my son. It really does. DA really was very cool, and funny. Ok, I'll take some on the run money in case we have to make a run for it to Mexico! 😂😂

Excuse me, PLATFORM lucite heels.

I was believing it all until R24. David Arquette showing up is just too much.

Also, press conference for a book launch? Will the reporters be shouting questions or will they have to queue up at a mic?

Unless you have permission (and even better an invitation) from the publisher, I don't think you should go, Mom. This is a professional work thing for your adult son.

[quote]David Arquette showing up is just too much.

What else does he have to do?

R42, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that DA was showing up! No no no, I said about a month ago I paid for DA to send my son a cameo. Good Lord, I wish he would show up! But, no I guess I wasn't very clear DA will not be there. And this is all true.

Congrats! You must be proud.

🤣🤣 R41! The Kimberly Guilfoyl line of clothes!

We all really are R46.

Hats always top off an outfit.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

If you prefer that the attention focus all on your son and not on you...

R27, I didn't see that until now. 🤣. Omg, if only I could have my figure back.

Was she driving a minivan in the the wrong direction on the parkway?

I'd love to wear a hat. I don't look good in one though. Lol, but if I could I'd probably wear one like R49's!.

[quote]I have no idea what a press conference is like, or what to wear,

Wear something beige, ill-fitting, and seasonally inappropriate.

😆 no, it was a VW Bug, and she even had eyelashes put over the headlights. She crashed going over bolt mountain where it's only 2 lanes and it's very treacherous especially when it's raining. Whoever called 911 also took her phone and her purse.

🤣🤣 I thought about MM as soon as I read that! I wish I had access to a stylist, R55.

No one cares, OP.

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

With all due respect, I have problems of my own.

This thread is why fraus need to be banned from the site.

Eyelashes? What about a red lip, R56?

Please tell me someone found this press conference. Come on DL detectives!

I still don't understand why a presser would ever be held because someone landed a book deal.

Was the accident or the victim particularly newsworthy?

How boring.

Don't say or type "lol" in front of him (or anyone, for that matter).

R58 you are boring

OP is your son secretly gay and that's why the conveniently-time accident and subsequent tell-all book so relevant? Go on, tell us. We can keep a secret, dear.

PS - Lucite heels with live goldfish swimming around in that would be the bomb!

I have a nice, conservative blue dress for sale. Does need dry cleaning, but only worn one time. Make me an offer!!!!

OP/R28:

[quote]My son just had a book published.

[quote]The book has not been published yet, but is going to be, and they want to do a press conference about it.

This is the first time I’ve seen the EST troll put on Frau garb. Well done, sir. Bonus points for the numerous emojis and “lols.”

New author press conference. That’s a new one.

He’ll be arrested for her MURDER at the press conference.

Well R71, on Monday or Tuesday it'll be in the papers and I'll post it on DL. I promise I will.

We’re so excited, OP.

Don’t do a last minute Toni Home Perm, or anything drastic.

On either of you.

What is DIL, OP? Not everyone understands every abbreviation?

Daughter in law. Sorry about that.

Thank you R74, so are we

😆 I was actually looking at home perm products yesterday, but I'm just gonna touch up my roots. I'll post a photo of us at the presser and of his book.

And so are we r78.

R70 I'm sorry about those. I thought they made a point. Waht should I use instead of emoji or lol? I promise you it's not an est. It's really true.

He's getting kind of nervous and has been tying to write his speech. He'll get it though.

it doesn't matter what he says ... unless he's transitioning. We could use that!

Whenever an author finishes a manuscript, the publisher immediately calls for a press conference.

Lots of photographers with their flash burbs popping.

People in West Virginia claim that, in the wee hours of night, they still see that VW bug driving along the old 99, batting its eyelashes as it “beep beeps” into the mist.

Is that an excerpt??

Yes, R86. I am the son.

Darling OP and/or EST Troll, please report back, even if it's fake. Wear a flower on your lapel or one tucked above your ear. It shows strength, hope, and beauty. People need to see that. Straight sons usually aren't embarrassed by their mother's attire. Avoid polyester for the rest of us here, please and thank you.

R87, I apologize for disbelieving your mother.

That excerpt at R85 was Faulkner level gorgeous. Steinbeck even.

No wonder the press are gathering all around you to honor your forthcoming book.

Some of you might be wondering how it is that the mother of such a gifted novelist can’t figure out what to wear to a damn press conference. Well, the truth is that she faked her pregnancy and cut me out of the belly of a highly intelligent woman whom she befriended and murdered!

Are you going to the Glamorama this fine Saturday to get your hair did up, Ma?

Congratulations on the success of your book, R87. And way to go for making it "look" like an accident.

Thanks, R92. The working title is “I’ve Never Been to She: A Story of Becoming.”

This is, indeed, a new twist on an EST. OP is a frau using laughing / crying emojis. Somehow, David Arquette gets thrown in for spice.

Thank you again R36.

Thank you too, R15 &16, and everyone.

R95 - my pleasure! Don’t let all of this razzing throw you - everyone is giving you a hard time - but we are HERE and looking forward to hearing about it!

OMG, the press is already gathering. There’s a tent city of journalists in the parking lot of the Charleston Gazette.

Thank you R97. I appreciate you more than you know.❤️

Well they're a little early! 😂 R98!

I promise you all I'll give a full report and I'll post the newspaper article, too. It probably won't come out in the paper until Tuesday or Wednesday, but if DL will let me I'll post some photos.

My son just published pics of my hole

Is that a threat, R101?

Is there a small party afterward, OP? Some gorgeous little spot in downtown Charleston to celebrate your son, the author, his new boyfriend, his mother, and possibly his agent and selected members of the press?

Maybe Reese Witherspoon or Bill Murray will attend?? They live in Charleston!

Are you going to share the title of the book with us, Ma?

OK R101, see you next Tuesday.

The creativity of bringing David Arquette into it does earn some execution points. David Spade might have worked, too.

R108, the boy clearly got his creative writing talent from somewhere!

The obvious choice for a Cameo would have been a celebrity author like Stephen King, but no: it’s a C-list actor with dyslexia, who can barely read. I’m nominating this for EST of the month!

^^ we need to call a press conference!

PS: If OP had time, I’d suggest something tailored from Ann Taylor.

Omg, you guys are something else! It's ALL true! You R90! The working title of the book is " East West." He's written a shirt story that will be mentioned, too. It's tentatively called 24hrs. The short story may be taught in creative writing classes at the local college. I know my son won't be embarrassed about me at all. I just want to look.. good at least. The David Arquette story is all true, too. I swear if I can get my son to let me put it up I will.

I went shopping yesterday and bought a very nice pair of slacks with buttons near the ankles and a very nice linen blouse ( black). I touched up the roots of my hair and bought a killer set of low heels. Lol, ( sorry I know you all don't like that, but how else do I laugh?) You guys are too much! Yes, my son got IT from somewhere. From me of course!

[Quote]He's written a shirt story that will be mentioned, too.

Unbuttoning my collar in anticipation!

🫣 I know I just realized that R114. At least I didn't say it's a shit story.

I'll bet you felt just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, shopping up a storm at Target, OP!

OP wear this shirt and be sure to stand to his left.

I thought about wearing my AC/DC shirt with some tasteful jeans, but my friend said ARE YOU CRAZY! Lol, no, I went to a store called Bealls, and bought my clothes from there. I got a Steve Madden purse, too. My son bought that for me. Omg, R117, my husband has that shirt!

R116, I kind of did!

Sounds like an Excellent Shopping Trip then, OP!

It really was R116. Then I thought about Kayla, and felt like, omg, I want to make her proud, too. I used to tell her that she reminded me of the little girl in the music video for Blind Melons "No Rain." She resembled her so much in her cheerfulness. 😭

[quote] ]The working title of the book is " East West."

Holy mackerel, It’s two days before the big press conference and he doesn’t have a release title yet? Maybe we can help him out, OP. I’ll start:

Chasing the Bug: A Journey

^^ That should be “Chasing the Bug: A Journey Towards Freedom.”

I think that'll be the title. It's story about him and his best friend and his BF's wife that take a trip to California in the aftermath of Kaylas death. But o would appreciate other suggestions because I know he would love that. He does appreciate DL as much as I do. Especially the film threads. Film is his passion and he's sold 2 scripts to blacklist recently. Him and his BF write comedy and horror and have sold 2. When my son told me ; mom I've got something to tell you! I was like "oh God what?". I thought he was gonna meet Brad Pitt, but I was so happy about this.

Have fun tomorrow, OP. Don’t forget to put your teeth in your mouth.

I will and I won't!. I promise I won't forget to post tomorrow!

👍

What was Kayla’s favorite color, so we can all wear it tomorrow?

This girl, R121? The tap dancing bee?

Is there still an active Gofundme that we can contribute to in Kayla's memory?

Wouldn’t they want to, uh, publish before generating press?

Of course, I’m imagining the full national press corps converging to cover the breaking news that YOUR SON HAS WRITTEN A BOOK.

Editors are standing by, holding the front page for the news. The TV network will cut into programming. And the David Arquette angle (he simply must mention it at the press conference), will be worthy of a sidebar. Hey, maybe David should be there, too?

See you at the Four Seasons!

Oh noes! The family has run into a problem on the way to the press conference!

Thoughts and prayers!

Straight cunt working her way in here, don't let the cunt stay, attack her, she or whoever, is lying, don't fall for it.

For those of you doubters, this is happening in **West Virginia**, where the discovery of a literate person is always a big news story.

Far from me to gossip, but I did overhear this mother/son conversation earlier today.

“How can you talk to me this way? You know that I want nothing for myself. You know that my whole life has been devoted to helping you. Now, get in the car. Don’t do it for me. Do it for Kayla”.

I haven't forgotten to post. I'll upload the video of today and I'll try to talk my son into uploading the David Arquette video too. It was a good day, and fun, too. Omg, there were some other funny talented writers there that spoke as well. I probably won't post it until in the morning, but I will. It's been a long day and kind of emotional. There were some real characters there. I'm probably going to bed, but I have more to say about today.

I checked in earlier to see if you had posted. Glad that you did - you must be tired - you all had a big day!!

[Quote]There were some real characters there.

You don't say...

The audience held on as long as they could. Some did manage to rally during the puppet reenactment of the VW Bug slipping and sliding on Bolt Mountain.

The after-party was much more exciting, R140. I really enjoyed the live music!

And in a shocking twist, doting mom has disappeared.

The West Virginia presser for a first time writer's book announcement must have been OFF THE HOOK.

The next time that a box wine-drinking Frau stumbles in here with a pathetic EST, it will be gloves off.

HISSSSS

Come, friends, perhaps Mom is still partying with the glitterati of Charleston society! Her son IS the toast of the town, after all.

Lol guys 🤭 i known I promised to check back in but I've been busy preparing a scrapbook of the event. I kept all my receipts from clothes shopping, the napkin I used at starbucks on the morning of the press conference, one of the lashes from Kayla's recovered VW bug to stick in there. It's really taking shape! One of the editors of The Charleston Gazette said they'd be interested in doing an article on it when I've finishd! I feel a bit bad taking some of the shine away from my son but he said he is so happy that I am famous now too 🤗

I love how women get blamed for this hoax

An early reader has reviewed the book:

“A man. A woman. A car possessed. I’m verklempt” - Stephen King, author of CHRISTINE

Kayyyyy - Laaaaa!!!!!!

[quote]I love how women get blamed for this hoax

I love how YOU assume that we assume this dumb frau is actually a woman, and not a 300 pound aspie who lives with his mom and is channeling her energy into lame EST threads.

Why is everything attributed to autism-spectrum disorders?

What is this obsession? I thought people here were only obsessed with hating trans people just living their lives?

Eagerly awaiting an update about Hallmark optioning the book and OP flying to Canada to visit the set, where she meets Luke Macfarlane (who is playing her son) and Marilu Henner (cast as OP).

I AM NOT AN ASPIE OR AN EST!

I AM A MOTHER GODAMMIT!

AND I PROUD ONE AT THAT, YOU INSIPID FAGS!

YOU RUIN EVERYTHING.

OP, we hardly knew you!

But now, you are with Kayla and we have this thread and the scrapbook to remember you by.

Has David Arquette commented yet?

[quote]Why is everything attributed to autism-spectrum disorders?

I blame Aaron Rodgers and Elon Musk. Terrible representation.

Earlier today I had to park at the back of a parking lot and I had a long walk to the store. My mind was wandering as I was walking - out of no where this popped into my head, “Kayla!” …. Um, I think that would answer that maybe I spend too much time on Datalounge!

R151 Jenny Slate is rumored to be interested in the part of Kayla. She is insisting on expanding the role through lots and lots of flashbacks with Luke during "happier days". To get into character, she's purchased some car eyelashes and slapped them over the headlights of her Tesla.

The TV movie version, “Anatomy of a Crash”, is actually going to be a thriller that’s steeped in disturbing ambiguity. The role of the VW bug will be played by the A.I. voice of Bette Davis.

Rumor has it Meredith Baxter is campaigning hard for the role of Mom. But studio heads fear she’s too mature for the part.

Elayne Heilveil would be better.

R110, this is OP's son. Go fuck yourself. That man's a national treasure. I find him more compelling than an author who can't stick to one single focal point in his works without meandering like a steno bum on acid. Although I do appreciate Stephen's short stories. Less bullshit!

R128, OPs son here. Thanks man. That gesture moved me.

This thread is a joke that went on too long.

Excuse me. OP's son here. I have no idea how to post pictures. Can anyone help?

R131 LMAO

Bullshit, R161 and R163. *** I AM *** the OP’s son. JFC, you are such liars.

Umm, excuse me, but at The Datalounge, he is John Lequiziamo, I believe.

Your son probably has uncontrollable vaginal odor, the only measurable talent he got from you I’m sure. Perhaps the title of his next book can be “The Sour Smell of Success: My Mother’s Musky Moose Knuckle”

Anyone can publish a book. Amazon will do it for free. Next.

[quote]This thread is a joke that went on too long