I'm hooked on THE VALLEY on Bravo and I've never seen an EP of Vandercunt Rules.

I watched the first episode, but only because they pulled that tricky seque from Vanderpump Rules right into the show.

I could barely get through it. These people are obnoxious, every one of them.

And Kristen is an obese cow these days. The only part of the show I liked.

There isn't a single person on this show who is appealing in any way.

Brittany is a walking, talking stereotype of southern white trash. I wanna scream every time she says "whenever" when she should be saying just plain "when." And has anyone else noticed how the sides of her mouth always turn down, even when she's smiling?

And of course, they had to cast a stereotypical gossipy, bitch gay man. What is up with his hair, anyway? It looks he put a wig on backwards.

Then there's Kristen, still unable to keep her ignorant mouth shut, constantly stepping into shit, then blaming everyone but herself for her poor decisions.

Zack is definitely wearing a wig and it's weird that no one addresses it.

R3 That'll probably be the next thing Kristen blurts out.

I am enjoying this show. I never needed to see coke /steroid abuser Jax or his hick wife Brittany again, but Kristen has been missed on Vanderpump Rules-she is such a strange agent of chaos and is perfect for reality TV.

Is the gay wearing a toupee, or is it a really bad dye job? He’s fucking obnoxious.

Brittany’s plastic surgery is appalling. She has Joan Rivers’ eyebrows now. And her tits look like they’re trying to escape or strangle her. And everything she wears is too short and tight-it always looks like we are on the verge of getting a flash of tits or pussy from her.

What was the point of the dinner in the multi-million dollar Beverly Hills house? Were they trying to sell the house? If so, why did they only invite friends who could never afford to buy it?

It made no sense. And that husband realtor is a fucking prick.

Jesse (the realtor husband) is a massive douchebag and he convinced the homeowners to let him film there so he could show everyone how successful he is. He is disgusting, from his white flip flops to his utter contempt for his wife.

I do want to see more of the ex-Miss USA, the one that married the voiceover actor. I enjoyed her story about twisting the arm of one of Trump’s pig friends when he tried to grab her by the pussy backstage at Miss USA.

Jesse gives me major closet case vibes.

The twunk married to Miss USA has a hot little body. I wish the camera had been on the other side of him when Jax pulled down his pants.

Wait- I am on Episode 1. So the dude with the wig is gay? I thought that he was the queeniest straight guy ever. I thought that he and the chick are married? I am lost.

I kept going - are they kidding me with this queen?

Not only did that idiot hick brittany have a facelift , Jax clearly did as well. I think that was in a tabloid a year ago too...

Here’s how I keep from confusing them-

Luke is the gay with bad hair/wig. He’s BFFs with Brittany (they went to school together), Kristen, and the bi black woman who used to work at Sur-her girlfriend was on The Bachelor.

Jesse is the douchebag realtor with the white flip flops, who treats his wife Michelle like shit. He makes Jax seem easy going. They are probably Republicans.

Danny is the midget twunk voiceover actor. He’s married to Nia, the ex-Miss USA. They have a litter of kids and have a condo, but seem happy. They also are religious-they met at church (probably Hillsong)..

Janet is the pregnant one married to Jason the sexy lawyer. I am guessing she is an absolute monster. This is based on her casually admitting on camera that her mother was so terrified of her as a child that she gave her the master bedroom.

Kristen and Katie from Vanderpump live in the same building. Kristen and Luke’s relationship is alcohol fueled; in the scene last week where they were moving in together (in the daytime), there is a half-empty bottle of Maker’s Mark next to him, and next to Kristen is a full tumbler of booze.

Wow- That guys wig is very very bad.

My mom would cut my hair as a kid and use "thinning shears" for the back because it was so thick.

I want to take a pair of thinning sheers on that thing and just go to town!

I could make that shit look real-

Who are these trash people?

Just watched the last episode. Jesse’s jacket was ridiculous. In 20 years he is going to like Roger Stone.

*look like Roger Stone

Nick was my favorite. He was so hot. Most anything Barbara Stanwyck was involved with was good.

Trashy trashy trashy

I did love the episode that centered on the "huge accusation" that a cast member was a ... Republican. It was literally treated as libelous for an entire hour, even amongst these Valley meatheads.