Things the Feds Didn't Find in Diddys House

Adult women's panties

A mirror

A well-thumbed copy of Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

Anything that can be described as 'tasteful'.

JLo CDs

any virgins

Diddy.

Anything remotely tasteful.

An age appropriate consenting partner.

DVD SETS of Mobile Masterpiece Theatre “PRIME SUSPECT” with Helen Mirren starring as Detective Jane Tennison.

The complete Loeb Classical Library.

"My Name is Barbra"

"Swanson on Swanson"

"Secrets of a Sparrow"

Condoms

Barbra Streisand's "My Passion for Design"

Valtrex.

Non-spiked juice boxes.

Decency and common sense.

The Ethel Merman Disco Album

Nicholas Fairford merch.

Christopher Wallace aka Biggie Smalls, who faked his assassination in 1997 and was believed to be living in Combs' Miami mansion. Rumor has it that Wallace has slimmed down thanks to Ozempic and us now going by the name Tiny Smallser.

A light fixture that didn't call attention to itself.

Condoms.

A full Limoges porcelain service

Anything that would be out of place in Tony Montana’s mansion from “Scarface.”

Talent

Thug off the street with an airplane.

A non-sampled song.

R20 every time I hear that name all I can think of is the South Park episode with him. The kids are having a sleepover and playing a game where you look in the mirror and Biggie Smalls 3 times and he'll show and pop a cap in yo ass.

Autumn Sonata on DVD

Sugar free beverages

The antidote?

A surface that doesn’t glow under blacklight.

An autographed photo of Joan Crawford in FEMALE ON THE BEACH.

Faiencerie de Gien service for 12 inherited from his grandmother.

a salad spinner

A break up letter from Usher.

Amelia Earhart

Brooks brothers casuals and sailor knot bracelets in vivid colors.

A strong jawline

A note from R Kelly saying “Your Black Ass is Next.”

The guy that Cuba Gooding Jr. actually groped.

A normal name that doesn’t sound like urine or excrement.

Nail clippers; condoms; cds by white artists; umbrellas; tissues

Child trafficking is a crime. Maybe don’t have sex with childrenn?

Common sense and morals.

Copies of tax returns from the past 30 years.

Good music.

Judy Garland DVDs.

Self-respect

Ciroc-branded anal beads, gently used.

Earnestness, truth or candor.

A tub of Parkay.

Vases simply brimming over with scented rushes.

Stolen White House documents.

An dual autographed picture of Bogie and Bacall.

A dvd of a movie that would pass the Bechdel test.

Hoffa.

A real university diploma, rather than an honorary one.

Mash notes from Kiefer Sutherland.

A single wooden shoe.

AnnE Hathaway.

Jodhpurs.

Martha Stewart potpourri.

The Harriman Cup.

Betty Crockers Boys and Girls cookbook.

The Vassar College Croquet Club.

Robert Downey Jr's Wonder Woman outfit.

Homemade quince butter.

a Datalounge username and password.

A Trump Bible.

A diploma or certificate for any educational program of any kind.

Ketchup all over the walls.

Decent lube.

Justin Bieber's cherry.

WAP.

Anything of cultural relevance for the past 15 years or so.

A thesaurus.

Easter Parade DVD

The Joy of Cooking

Obama's telephone number.

A golf visor from the 2009 Dinah Shore weekend, signed by Katy Perry and Lady Gaga.

Doorknobs that can be unlocked without a key from the inside.

Martin Heidegger's Being and Time

AnnE Frank.

Leftover cocaine.

OJ's glove.

Apostrophes, evidently.

Public library card.

A Bible

a fondue pot

Richard Simmons

His chin.

Chastity

Black domestic help

Usher's anal virginity.

Fonzworth Bentley's self-respect, which he left there in 2002.

Pot liquor and black-eyed peas.

An orchid collection.

A 1967 Datsun with aluminum decking.

Two girls, one cup.

A sudden feeling of being completely at peace.

Carmen Sandiego

Bai Ling

Real musical instruments

Waldo

Books without pictures

Any kind of pleasant scent or odor.

Probably used Feeb-Breeze.

Academic awards and certificates.

The missing white male college students.

A long-discarded knitting project...it was supposed to be a sweater!

Shelly Miscavige

Jimmy Hoffa.

Slave reparations.

Coloring books for adults ( he’s got them for kids

Unadulterated set of Nancy Drew books.

His personal set:( these are hidden)

“The Mystery of the Missing Clit” “Nancy never said no” “Secret of the Sliced Vagina aka Nancy learns her lesson the hardest way

Folgers crystals

[quote]Things the Feds Didn't Find in Diddys House

An aura of calming serenity

Bathrooms without any cameras or peepholes.

Vanity (the singer)

An alibi

Asparagus tips in a delicate champagne sauce.

The Danbury Mint porcelain doll collection of “Famous First Ladies.”

[quote]The Danbury Mint porcelain doll collection of “Famous First Ladies.”

They actually did come across a Madame Alexander Mamie Eisenhower doll...

Any issues past or present of “Playboy” magazine.

A blu-ray of Dangerous Liaisons

The Pan Am Building.

Complete collection of Jennifer Lopez first pressing vinyl records.

no sex toys including dildos and fleshlights made for the gay market. Plenty of dildos marketed to women and fleshlights with vagina openings.

“The New Yorker” magazines in a rack next to the overstuffed leather chair by the fireplace.

Any vehicles not painted black.

A Hunter Biden painting.