Let's be the prime time drama DALLAS

I'm Theresa, ironing another one of Miss Ellie's housecoats.

I'm the Uncle-Niece incest

I'm Donna Reed as the replacement Miss Ellie.

I'm Christopher Atkins' blue Speedo.

I’m Santana from Santa Barbara styled as a low rent Pam.

I am Sue Ellen, jealously eyeing the black Corvette Bobby gave that bitch Pam, while I am stuck chauffeuring that old bag Miss Ellie around in a piss yellow Ford station wagon.

A couple of years from now, to make up for fucking my murderous sister and knocking her up, JR will give me a Mercedes to apologize.

I'm that bitch Pam.

[quote]I'm Christopher Atkins' blue Speedo.

I'm the video of his blue speedo. If this were filmed today, males would be forced to wear board shorts.

I'm Bobby Ewing's hot furry chest.

I'm fat and ugly but superrich international financial criminal Bernie Cornfeld and Victoria Principal's time as one of my harem of floozies taught her all she needed to know about portraying a trophy wife in a family of Texas oil millionaires

I'm Lorimar.

I'm Dack Rambo and my character Jack Ewing is secretly bringing a fifth of whiskey in his tight blue jeans to my sister-in-law Sue Ellen who's having the shakes real bad today and everyone is checking me out but not more than they usually do and they all chalk it up to the normal delineation of my cock.

I'm the Oil Baron's Ball and poofy 80s fashion by Travilla!

I’m the first-season’s hilarious hurricane episode.

(Dallas is 500 miles inland.)

I'm JR's badass, diesel-guzzling Mercedes sedan.

Fuck those hippies!

I'm Marilee Stone, the only woman in the oil cartel! I'm smart, sexy, and devious.

I'm Russia. You know the show was long out of ideas when they contrived a plot to take the Ewing brothers behind the iron curtain.

I'm emeralds of the dream season.

I'm Marc Singer's too too tight Levis in the dream season. I perfected the look on the miniseries V.

I'm Mickey Trotter, stirring the loins of many a young male viewer.

I’m Ray and Donna’s little house supposedly miles away in the middle of the vast ranch.

I’m all the orange peels surrounding Kristen for some reason.

I’m JRs pointy eyebrows.

I’m the original, much grander Southfork house with all the little cottages for the sons.

I’m Tina Louise, shaking my blow dried mane of hair over and over and over.

R13, I knew Travilla costumed some Knots Landong seasons; I had no idea he also worked in Dallas.

I’m Charlene Tilton’s waist length hair.

I'm Morgan Brittany playing psycho Katherine Wentworth. I have ice blue husky dog eyes and am now a fatso MAGAt!

I’m replacement-matriarch Donna Reed!

I'm Miss Ellie's sack dresses. Just looking at me, you'd think I was a cashier at HEB instead of one of the wealthiest ladies in Texas.

I'm JR's regular pro whore (I forget her name).

I'm Sue Ellen all pregnant and pissed up weaving down then highway...

I'm Mandy Winger, JR's on again/off again slam piece R31.

I'm Liz from The Store.

I'm Callie Ewing and I done married J.R. an' I love him!

I'm the affair between Ray Krebbs and his niece Lucy Ewing. I'm never spoken of after the pilot episode.

I'm the bad lighting and other intimidation tactics employed by the producers and crew to make Donna Reed quit, so that BBG could come back.

I am the millions of unemployed actresses that could have done a better job as Jenna Wade than the leaden Priscilla Presley.

I am the turban Sue Ellen wears to go to the mall and the movies with Pam.

Did I mention I was Travilla’s idea?

I'm the Landers Sisters. We had blonde hair, big boobs, and whispery voices. One of us was on Dallas.

I’m the one of several meals that goes uneaten at a fancy restaurant because Pam or Sue Ellen suddenly isn’t in the “mood to eat.”

I’m the cicadas at Pam’s house that are so damn loud you can barely hear the dialogue.

Who are these shitkickers?

I'm Omri Katz, JR's and Sue Ellen's jewish son.

Am I gay?

I’m the noticeable lack of chemistry between Linda Gray and Chris Atkins.

I’m Raoul and Teresa. We are played by many different actors at first and nobody seems to notice until they finally settle on the actress who was fired from “The Jeffersons” when Florence came back.

I’m David Ackroyd, I did not costar with Joan Van Ark on a futuristic episode of Wonder Woman

I’m the horses that occasionally run over the front lawn.

I’m the reflection of the helicopter 🚁 caught in the mirrored skyscraper.

I’m Susan Lucci, and even I can’t breathe new life into this aging shit show despite my stunt casting. My awful storyline didn’t help matters.

I’m Miss Ellie and I don’t like the way this conversation is going.

I’m cocktail hour with the whole family and I was responsible for some of the best scenes in the early years. It’s a shame they got rid of me.

I am Afton Cooper. I started as a cute lady-villain and spent my last two years on the show to be a sounding board for Cliff when he had no-one else to talk to.

And I am Phyllis and Sly. We are the only employees Ewing Oil ever had. Or did you ever see anyone else? But don't think that we were short staffed. Barnes Wentworth had only one employee (Jackie) and an occasional controller for a week or two.

I’m Cliff’s apartment (in reality, an apartment on Carlisle St. about to be torn down for yet another 22-story high-rise apartment building.)

Also, I found the interior shots convincing, because only a straight man could tolerate that pastel ugliness.

I'm Knots Landing, where Bobby is still dead and no one knows about the it-was-all-a-dream season.

I am the former fiction president of CBS who regrets that everybody got the dream wrong. Bobby IS actually dead. Pam didn't dream his death. In fact, she started dreaming right after her wedding with Mark Graison. She has not woken up from it yet and is still dreaming. Everything after her wedding is a dream.

I'm the bizarre It's a Wonderful Life - type series finale, with Joel Grey as the angel who shows a suicidal JR highlights of his life. But wait -- the "angel" is actually the devil, and goads JR into blowing his brains out!

Everyone involved wants you to forget me.

I'm the dream season.

I'm a highball glass.

I'm Sue Ellen, hitting rock bottom and going to the drunk tank. Even though I was great character development, I was all just part of that cunt Pam's dream.

... and Leigh McCloskey as Mitch

I'm Suellen of Assisi.

I’m the explosion of dirt in the opening that isn’t nearly as impressive as it seemed all those years ago.

I am Takapa!!

I’m all those blondes in the final seasons who could not hold a candle to Sue Ellen or Pam.

I am underrated April Stevens. I am a much more interesting of character than Pam. I have fun with the boys but always managed to keep J.R. at bay and still remained friendly with him. I never nagged at Bobby when he wasn't 120% ethical. I suffered from poor writing though. Once I had to pose as a helpless victim because Bobby needed to safe someone from Tommy McKay.

I’m the lyrics to the theme song:

J.R., J.R.,

He’s a real bad dude

And he lives

On a ranch

With his moommm!

[quote]I am the millions of unemployed actresses that could have done a better job as Jenna Wade than the leaden Priscilla Presley. —Morgan Fairchild and Francine Tucker

I'm Morgan Fairchild; I don't know about Francine, but no way was I playing the mother of a teenager! Did you SEE how hot I was in The Seduction?

I'm Ray Krebs, having yet another unhealthy obsession with a teenager -- this time my 14-year-old stepdaughter Charlie.

I'm Brad Pitt as Charlie's randy boyfriend, literally named Randy

I’m Sue Ellen, singing “People” at gunpoint.

I'm Sue Ellen using my toned gams to seduce wimpy college guys when JR is out catting around

I'm Sue Ellen's empty glass.

I'm the forgettable stream of cousins who added nothing to a (too) long running season.

Miss Ellie should have been a stronger character.

There, I said it.

I'm the Vatican parody of the intro.

I am Lorimar Telepictures. I had my own power struggle. I tried to take over a competitor, but instead it ate me. As a result we cut costs everywhere. We let go legacy actors, writers, everything really. We even moved photography from film to video. Sure it looks like shit, but we saved so much money. As a result, everything got less: spending, quality, viewers...

LOL R77. The Flying Nun was the Sue Ellen of that show.

R77... thanks for the laugh of the morning. The cast is hilarious.

I am the baby gay who could whistle the entire Dallas theme, My grandma thinks I am extraordinary. I also have a stuffed toy squirrel I named Sue Ellen.

I’m Colleen Camp. I was a much skankier Kristen Shepard.

I’m the terrible 80s perm that Pam gets. I’m around for maybe three episodes then I’m gone.

I’m Pam’s place of employment. She keeps calling me “the store” so the brilliant writers decide to formally name me The Store.

I'm Clayton Farlow's mustache! I'd give Miss Ellie a tickle every so often.

I'm Jock Ewing, I was more man than all of my sons put together.

I’m Sue Ellen’s quivering top lip. I will be doing double time when JR sends me to the sanatorium AGAIN

I'm the pre-dinner cocktails in the Southfork living room. Sue Ellen was already on her second bottle of vodka by that time.

I am Barbara Bel Geddes, as Miss Ellie, saying in a concerned voice, "Jock".

I’m Cliff Barnes, moodily scheming in my condo while eating Chinese from those cute takeout cartons 🥢🥡

I'm the extensive use of Aquanet.

I'm waking up from a night's sleep with a full face of heavy makeup.

I'm Frenemies Sue Ellen and Pam's shopping trip to Hong Kong!

R93 From the famous Hong Kong restaurant scene:

Pam: I think it’s time that I went on the offensive. [Motions for a nearby servant.] Waiter, may I have the phone, please? Thank you. [The waiter brings a phone to the table, plugs it into a wall jack. Pam dials a number.] Hello, may I speak with Mr. Chan? This is Pamela Ewing. Good morning, Mr. Chan. No, I’m not calling to say goodbye. I’m calling to say that I won’t be leaving Hong Kong until I see Mark Graison, because I’m convinced that Mr. Swanson is Mark Graison. You see, I’m very rich, and very determined. And if I have to, I’ll buy that damned clinic and walk in as the owner. Oh, but I would do that. So Mr. Chan, you can tell your Mr. Swanson that he can see me now or he can see me later, but he is going to see me. Goodbye, Mr. Chan. [Hangs up]

I'm Josh Henderson's sexy, supposedly hetero bubble butt thrusting out at every opportunity in the reboot(y).

I’m Lucy in the pilot telling Pam that she doesn’t stand a chance before telling her the “Knots Landing” backstory.

I’m those sans-a-belt jumpsuits JR wore in the early seasons.

I'm Holly Harwood. I fucked JR but I really wanted to jump Bobby's bones.

I'm the variable appearance of Miss Ellie, and the broken heart of Donna Reed.

I'm the open parking space that's always available directly in front of the Ewing Oil Building.

(Seriously, those rednecks didn't have an underground garage with reserved Ewing parking?!)

I'm Michelle Stevens' short hair!

I’m the oil tanker truck Pam crashes into so Victoria Principal can leave the sinking ship that is Dallas, never to return.

I'm the mummy they cast as Pam when she was in the post-crash burn unit.

I’m slutty Mandy Winger in trashy red lip gloss

Mandy always walked with the gait of someone freshly fucked by a giant cock.

I'm Mandy Winger. I could have been First Lady if I married Donald Trump.

I’m a tramp, a drunk and an unfit mother.

I'm Mandy's heartbreak after being dumped by JR and Sue Ellen, as his mistress and the body of Valentine.

I'm Valene's waitressing job at The Hot Biscuit.

I’m that wintry, cold first season. But season two starts in the summer and we’re all warm and tan by the pool.

I'm the interior of the real Southfork house used in the remake/continuation series.

I'm not nearly as grandiose as the sets used in the original series, which were based on the interior of a completely different house in Dallas.

I am Fern Fitzgerald. I play Marilee Stone to perfection. I have the looks and the attitude to play everybody against the wall. They only booked me once or twice a year, and yet I was more memorable than some of the regulars.

I'm the items of clothing and jewelry from the Lorimar wardrobe department seen worn by major characters in both shows.

I meant Falcon Crest and Dallas.

I'm the matching yellow and white awnings and yellow patio furniture/cushions at Southfork!

[quote]I'm Valene's waitressing job at The Hot Biscuit.

I'm the hot biscuit.

I am the new haircut Sue Ellen sports in the season 6 premiere. Dallas Memorial must have a fabulous beauty salon, or she sent her hairstylist to Cliff’s room, because she ends season 5 in Cliff’s room with shoulder length hair, and leaves the room in season 6 (minutes later) with a mullet.

[quote] I’m Pam’s place of employment. She keeps calling me “the store” so the brilliant writers decide to formally name me The Store.

They called it "The Store" because it was supposed to be Neiman-Marcus, and everyone at that time in dallas referred to Neiman's as "The Store."

Don't be jealous, bitches, but I'm going to meet about 30 DALLAS cast members at the Hollywood show this weekend.

Lindsay Bloom is going to be there! I'm going to wear a big fake fur coat and throw a drink in her face!

"Drinks are on BONNIE!"

[quote]she ends season 5 in Cliff’s room with shoulder length hair, and leaves the room in season 6 (minutes later) with a mullet

To be fair, Cliff always needed a side hustle.

Im the slut that's got to be more interesting than Sue Ellen whom JR is going to spend the night with.

I'm the ever-ready decanter of spirits.

You work a LOT, r122.

I'm the sanitarium, visited often by Digger Barnes and Sue Ellen. I don't exist anymore.

Hello, I'm Shelley Duvall, Fort Worth native. Why wasn't I on this program?

I'm John Ross, feeling anxious when Peter insists we shower together after swim lessons.

I'm the CUNT. These dramas always have a cunt who suffers no real consequences. You gay guys love me.

I am Kristin Shepherd, returning from LA in the season 4 cliffhanger eith an expensive coke addiction JR better pay for. I look like hell because of the drugs, and it will end with me floating in the pool.

^Actually you looked fantastic and didn't seem to have any unhealthy behaviors at all. You appeared totally clear and collected when you demanded more money from J.R. I was shocked to hear that you had a coke addiction. Somebody must have slipped you something before you fell into the pool.

[quote]I'm John Ross, feeling anxious when Peter insists we shower together after swim lessons.

Anxious, or excited?

Peter was played by Christopher Atkins circa 1983. You should count your lucky stars, John Ross.

I am Dusty Farlow. I am completely gorgwous.

R117, same thing happened on “Knots Landing” between its own Season 5 and 6. Abby gets kidnapped by the Wolfbridge Group and has a big, teased hairstyle. Comes back the next season and she’s still in the car but now has a softer ‘do that’s got several inches cut off.

Chandler on Friends lost 40 pounds overnight.

I'm John Ross. My blood type is 90 proof.

How was he not a fetal alcohol baby? Sue Ellen was ALWAYS drunk when pregnant. I know it was the 70s but did they just let pregnant women drink like crazy back then?

I'm the fly hovering over the breakfast buffet out by the swimming pool.

I'm the nicotine stains on Cliff Barnes teeth.

I'm tiny Lucy, having to shop at the children's section of The Store.

I'm Century City, which looks nothing like Downtown Dallas.

I'm Punk Anderson's toupee

I'm Tina Louise thinking she's moved onto bigger and better things and only to be killed off after 6 episodes.

I'm the hay in the barn when Lucy was having sex with Ray Keene . Not knowing he was really her uncle , she loved visiting the barn daily. I never get talked about anymore and probably got fed to one of the cattle that Jock sold in Ft.Worth. Then I became a steak on your plate at the Ewing BBQ until Cliff Barnes came in to arrest JR . Circle of life 🤷‍♂️

I'm Sue Ellen's "mouthwash" at the Sanitarium!

I'm Miss Ellie's sensible wardrobe, makeup and hairstyle. There's no reason to look like a tramp when you've reached 60.

That video at R108. Where do I begin?:

Is that Marcia Gay Hardin as the agent?

I never noticed Sue Ellen's fucked up front teeth before and it's distracting.

Mandy has one of the worst nose jobs I've ever seen, but that was the "look" back then.

Why does Sue Ellen whisper-speak?

I was a young gayling (10 yo) when this scene aired but I remember it from its deviousness, hoping one day I'd be as vicious as Sue Ellen.

I’m the Lorimar producers who gave the male talent anything they wanted but if the female stars wanted more money or just to move on to other projects they would be killed off or replaced in the most ridiculous plot lines (see esp Victoria Principal’s last scene).

I'm JR'S whores!

I’m the lack of a space in the word primetime.

R111. That Park Lane house is way more bucolic, and much more fitting for the characters than the 'iconic' Southfork ranch or the continuation's interiors.

The sets were actually very small, and would not have been difficult to recreate on a sound stage.

I remember how disappointed I was when I learned it was filmed on a set in Hollywood, except for some of the exterior scenes.

I’m the missed opportunity of making the Miss Ellie character an Alexis Carrington-like beeyotch. They should have gone with a villainous matriarch

I'm J.R. Ewing's illegitimate daughter, never introduced because the reboot was axed.

I'm Sue Ellen's psychiatrist, Dr. Elby, unblinking and emotionless.

Dr. Elby was creepy. He always looked like he was going to sneak into Southfork to steal Sue Ellen’s panties.

[quote] I’m the missed opportunity of making the Miss Ellie character an Alexis Carrington-like beeyotch. They should have gone with a villainous matriarch

But who would want to watch that/

We had sad faced Miss Ellie for an hour on Friday nights, followed by a vinegary old bitch at Falcon Crest. What's the problem?

[quote] I'm J.R. Ewing's illegitimate daughter, never introduced because the reboot was axed.

Refresh my memory please. In what context did this come up? I know that Cally was pregnant when she left Dallas, but not sure they ever mentioned the gender or name. And that child wouldn't be illegitimate.

R157 the name of the woman JR knocked up was never mentioned. It was like 10 years ago when the reboot ended, but I got the impression it wasn’t Callys.

I’m Larry Hagman’s liver.

R159, which one are you, the first or the second?

I'm butch Susan Flannery as JR's publicist.

Didn’t Hagman dislike Flannery. I recall him giving an interview when his autobiography came out, and he was asked which of JR’s bed partners was his favorite/least favorite. He said there was only one he didn’t like, and while he didn’t name her, he dropped clues that made me think it was Flannwry.

Dack Rambo said Hagman was a homophobic asshole to him. You'd think his mother would have raised him better.

I am Ken Kercheval, giving Victoria Principal’s private phone number to Joan Rivers, who then called her live on television.

[quote] I'm the hay in the barn when Lucy was having sex with Ray Keene .

Oh, [italic]dear.[/italic]

R135, yes, they did; Sue Ellen's doctor told her to stop drinking and then said "Not even wine with dinner" as if she'd go ahead and still drink wine at dinner.

Different times. I'm glad they didn't do an alcohol fetal storyline where the kid came out damaged.

That story line with Susan Flannery was kinda pointless. She came in to advice him with PR stuff and it was insinuated that she had a hidden agenda. But I don't think it was ever revealed what her motivation was. And other than revealing some of his secrets, I don't think she ever did any plotting.

R162 It was not at all believable that JR would've been attracted to Susan Flannery. He liked 'em with big hair and big boobs, mostly. Although she was playing hard to get, which turned him on because he liked the chase and conquest.

That was rather disappointing. I remember that she had this little tape recorder she would use, but as best I recall nothing ever came of that.

To be fair, Susan Flannery was quite beautiful on Dallas.

I'm the cheesy little "wrist dance" that Susan Howard does in her very first scene.

Scroll to 0:30.

I am the Winger Tramp, walking into Sue Ellen’s very 80s looking office bowlegged, like I got fucked by a giant dick.

I'm Braddock County. I don't exist in real life and was made up for the show.

I'm Donna. When I first appeared on Dallas, I was supposed to be about 30 years old. I always looked like I was a middle aged frump.

Yes, R174, and I did a stupid little wrist dance as shown in R171. Do keep up.

[quote]R145 That video at [R108]. Where do I begin? … Mandy has one of the worst nose jobs I've ever seen

That’s Deborah Shelton.

After BODY DOUBLE was assembled they decided to hire another actress (Helen Shave) to dub all her dialogue.

I'm Miss Ellie showing up in the background at one of Angela Channing's parties at Falcon Crest. I have no lines but am sick of the trashy Southfork parties that have no class or elegance.

I'm Sue Ellen's hair. Usually I was magnificent and I avoided Pam's poodle perm, but I got stuck with a mullet later on. Guess I'll have a drink now since I'm hideous.

I'm Rebecca Wentworth's unfortunate choices of eye shadow.

[quote] I’m Charlene Tilton’s waist length hair.

To be fair, that only amounted to maybe 6"

I'm Barbara Bel Geddes wondering how the fuck I went from OG Maggie the Cat on Broadway to Southern-fried dishrag of a housefrau. Well, at least I made mint off it.

I'm Miss Ellie's cancer-laden titties, I'll be gone by the end of the season.

R180 LOL

I’m the bottle of hooch hidden in Sue Ellen’s giant shoulder bag next to the Binaca and the wallet overstuffed with department store credit cards.

I'm the whole Ewing clan who never question the imposters who replaced so many of our relatives and friends. Digger Barnes, Miss Ellie, Gary, Jenna Wade, Kristin...

I'm Peyton Place, pissed off that everyone forgot about me when saying Dallas invented nighttime soaps.

I'm Lucy's gigantic forehead (well, for a midget). Why didn't I have bangs?

I'm the smell of pungent horseshit wafting on every breeze while the Ewings insist on having their meals on the patio

I’m the pantyhose Sue Ellen likes to wear poolside with her bathing suit.

I'm Mickey Trotter's almost unibrow!

I'm Peter Richards Speedo.

I'm so tiny!

I’m the shotgun in the hall closet waiting for Ray

I'm all the blow jobs given by Sue Ellen Shepard to win the Miss Texas beauty contest

I'm David Ackroyd forever pissed off that I did a forgettable TV movie remake of Little Women instead of a 14 year stint on some other TV show.

I'm horny Holly Harwood and even hornier Marilee Stone!

R145 I'm glad someone noticed Sue Ellen's Fucked up front teeth! Truly bizarre! Either one is pushed forward too far or the other is pushed back too far, but whichever it is, it was always distracting to me!

I'm the glass of club soda that Sue Ellen tells everyone she's drinking (and I really am club soda not vodka.)

I'm the desiccating skin of Dried-Apple-Face Miss Ellie, with her one tone of delivery in every fucking scene she is in.

They ditched Donna Reed, though, because she kept playing TV Donna Reed instead of Miss Ellie. And her filter was almost as thorough as the one they used for Lana Turner in "Falcon Crest," who appeared as a blur of light and makeup, like a phantom crone.

I'm Cliff's lifelong issue with premature ejaculation.

As in when the briefs come down I go off.

Digger, Digger.

I'm Clayton's puppy dog crushing on Sue Ellen. And Sue Ellen's cluelessness about it.

I'm Miss Ellie's cruel streak by keeping a fully stocked liquor cart while two known alcoholics stumble around the house.

I'm all the asbestos and oily rags in Southfork that caused the place to ignite like a tinderbox at the end of season 6

[quote] two known alcoholics

JR and Sue Ellen, but Bobby was kind of a drinker too. And Pam. And Ray. And Donna.

Yes, they were all boozers -- but that really was a different time when there was a cocktail hour and three martini lunches. The two alcoholics I meant were Sue Ellen and Gary. Presumably, the liquor wasn't anything new so it was around when Gary still lived at Southfork. Miss Ellie was a cunt.

I'm Suzanne Somers. Crying and throwing popcorn ant the screen when Jenilee Harrison comes on.

Suzanne worked with Patrick Duffy on Step by Step.

I'm Lucy Ewing, quietly seething over my share of the inheritance shrinking every time another bastard child pops up out of nowhere.

I’m the delusional writers attempting to make sexy midget Lucy into a model, even though Charlene Tilton is a squat little thing with Miss Piggy legs.

I am Alan Beam . I had a hot hairy chest and could have been a major political figure in Texas if not for that Ewing midget .

R207 Or when some guy I have been sleeping with turns out to be Jock’s son.

I'm the sliding doors to the dining room that were never closed except the night that I'm also the candles that were "always" lit in the evening at Southfork and set the fire in the lameass set up of the cliffhanger at R202.

Phew, I'm busy.

R209 - Randolph Powell, who played Alan Beam, definitely got my attention as a gayling. That chest!

I’m Sue Ellen’s cirrhotic liver.

We’re Clayton, Pamela and Mitch, and we can’t believe we married into this family of weirdos.

R6- Actually it was a Mercury Colony Park Station Wagon .

R212- In 1980 showing a hairy chest on tv was not against the law .

R208- You’re wrong 😑.

Back in 1980 that was my favorite TV show and my older brother would catch a glimpse of it while I was watching it and when he saw Lucy on the show he said -what a piece of ass!

I'm the gay one who broke Lucy's heart.

They should have written Clayton into Ewing Oil, at least for a while. J.R. messes up a deal, almost bankrupting the company if it weren't for Clayton. Clayton buys himself into Ewing Oil to save the company and the peace in the family. But now J.R. and Bobby want to get rid of him because it's daddy's company. Clayton likes to keep his shares though because he likes to keep J.R.s dealings in check. This could have gone on for an entire season.

IIRC Jock wrote in his will that nobody but a Ewing could own a piece of Ewing Oil, so I don't think that Clayton could have done that. Don't know how binding that would actually be.

R218- You're the Mainwaring boy?

R163- You'd think his LESBIAN mother would have raised him better.

I'm Pam's bolt-ons before bolt-ons became a "thing". I'm pretty much the most interesting aspect of this poorly written character.

I'm Me.

I'm the stacked parking at Southfork as if they didn't have enough room for parking. I'm all the people in bit and supporting parts that went on to have roles on Falcon Crest.

R224- and of course I’m me

I always thought instead of breaking up Ewing Oil at the end of season 10, the government should have just ordered that Bobby and JR could no longer run it

The family could then turn to Clayton and Donna to run it instead, possibly leading eventually to a Donna/Bobby romance (they always had chemistry). Meanwhile the stress of running Ewing Oil leads to Clayton having a massive heart attack. Miss Ellie could blame JR for this and throw him off Southfork.

While this is going on, JR blackmails his way into controlling the banks used by Barnes -Wentworth and Westar, allowing him to secretly funnel deals to Ewing Oil as he plots to regain control.

I'm Barbara Eden. The worst stunt casting in history.

I'm the guy who sells name plates for private office doors. With all that constant upheaval at Ewing Oil, I'm rich!

I'm JR's shabby ass office for a CEO

R230- The Southfork house is so ordinary and small-ish for a Billionaire oil family.

I’m the big increase in the set and costume budget that happens in the 1982-83 and 1983-84 seasons, in response to Dynasty.

Sue Ellen’s mullet! Fashions by Travilla! New Ewing Oil Set! Cliff has a new condo! Southfork has new bedrooms and a new living room! But Miss Ellie is still in her sack dresses and the Krebs’ still live in a shack down the road.

The original house felt more like an old (if very prosperous) ranch and a home for a wealthy family. But the owner didn't like the attention and then it burned down.

I am watching JR and Sue Ellen’s second wedding right now. It is held in the Southfork driveway, like Lucy and Mitch’s wedding, but this episode was shot on location in Texas, so there’s three horses behind the wedding party, shitting away. What a bunch of hicks. The Carringtons would never get married in a driveway.

[quote] The Carringtons would never get married in a driveway.

No, but we'd fuck the chauffeur in one.

I'm all the convertible cars being driving around Dallas in the afternoon with the top down. Air conditioning is for wimps.

I'm Sada Thompson, furious that I lost out on playing Miss Ellie because I was stuck on ABC getting upstaged by Quinn Cummings.

Was Sada Thompson really a contender for Miss Ellie?

No r238. But Pam was created for Linda Evans, and they wanted Robert Foxworth to play HR.

Linda was too old to be Pam. She was perfect for Krystal in Dynasty.

Foxworth would have been an interesting JR.

I do remember reading Dallas was referred to in the development stages as Untitled Linda Evans Project.

It's here... this is a really interesting read in its entirety...

David Paulsen: David Jacobs is one of my closest friends. We have lunch every week. I saw him yesterday. He didn’t know the first thing about Texas.

David Jacobs: I remembered this big billboard there that said “Ewing Buick.” I liked that name, Ewing. After the meeting, I went home and wrote a twelve-page backstory set on a Texas ranch, a saga about the Ewings and the Barneses.

David Paulsen: His structure, which was wonderful, was Romeo and Juliet [Bobby Ewing and Pamela Barnes] and Cain and Abel [J. R. and Bobby].

David Jacobs: Lorimar was very enthusiastic about the backstory, and they said, “We have [the actor] Linda Evans under contract; we’re looking for something for her.” So I wrote a script over Thanksgiving weekend 1977, and when I finished it, I put “Untitled Linda Evans Project” on the cover. Then Michael called me and said, “ ‘Untitled’ doesn’t sound good. It sounds like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” I asked him what he’d call it, and he said, “Dallas.” And I said, “Dallas? Kennedy was killed in Dallas. Well . . . at least they won the Super Bowl.”

Matt Zoller Seitz is the television critic for New York magazine and grew up in Dallas while the show was airing: Let’s just say that the makers of Dallas weren’t really big on doing homework. There were not herds of cattle tracing across Grand Prairie, and there weren’t fields of oil wells outside Dallas. It bore about as much relation to life in actual Dallas as Lost in Space did to the history of space exploration.

Just finished it... it's a great insight into everything about the show...

^ Not THAT interesting.

Linda Evans could have been Sue Ellen.

When the show first started, Sue Ellen was a nothing character. The show was about Bobby and Pam. Then Larry Hagman stole it away and eventually they figured a neurotic, drunk wife would be a good addition to the cast. I doubt the producers would have offered the role to Evans nor that she would have wanted it based on the original concept. And, FWIW, I don't think Evans would have made a good Sue Ellen at all. Evans couldn't even pull off "Rita" on Dynasty.

Linda Gray isn’t in the credits in the miniseries. It was her reactions to what was going on that convinced the producers to make her a leading character.

And the original idea was for Bobby to die and for a widowed Pam to be fighting JR.

Pam battling J.R.? LOL. She had great tits but not much else.

Pam was a lightweight

[quote] Linda Gray isn’t in the credits in the miniseries. It was her reactions to what was going on that convinced the producers to make her a leading character.

This is a bit of a mystery to me. It's a family saga with parents, sons and daughters-in-law all living in the same house. Why would one of the wives not get a main credit? Did they really believe this character could stay a recurring role? I know Linda Gray got the job as a favor for her husband, and her acting wasn't highly regarded during the mini-series. Did they consider recasting her or let her die or divorce after the mini-series would be renewed for a full season? Either way, I'm obviously glad they kept her. Sue Ellen became one of the best soap characters ever, in part thanks to Linda Gray's many outstanding performances.

The headline cast for the first season was small - Bobby and Pam, his parents, JR, and Lucy.

Sue Ellen shooting daggers at JR after the whole Brian Dennehy barging into Southfork episode prompted the writers to expand Sue Ellen.

Brian Dennehy was also on early Dynasty

I'm the glass of white wine that Miss Ellie orders any time she goes out to have lunch with Pam, Sue Ellen, Rebecca, etc.

I’m the king sized bed in Holly Harwood’s office. The burly Chippendales dancer Holly hired changes my sheets.

Holly's bed in her office and the male secretaries were a nice tough.

The one I loved more than anyone was Marilee Stone; she stole every scene she was ever in unless she was with Larry or Linda.

I'm a typical gay male in that my favorite female character on Dallas was also the MEANEST/NASTIEST/BITCHIEST

Katherine Wentworth

R247 Gray said there was no character to start with. She flew into Texas for the first time, and because her part was relatively minor she decided to start mingling with the high society Dallas women to get to know them better, she went into their stores and hairdressers.

One night in the ladies' room at a black-tie function she peeked into the woman's handbag next to her and saw a lipstick and tiny gun. Linda had never seen a real gun before.

She asked "Is that a gun?!" and the woman replied "Of course, darlin'. This is Texas!"

Linda thought it was fabulous and fell in love with the character of Sue Ellen.

It was amusing how Sue Ellen was the snobby one in the beginning, obsessed with breeding and appearances, and she’s the messiest bitch of them all.

Why doesn't anyone talk about Muriel? She steals every scene she's in! Wasn't there a Muriel like her in Bye Bye Birdie?

Krystal was created for Elizabeth Montgomery. She backed out at the last minute.

Angie Dickinson turned down Krystle and Sable Colby.

Montgomery simply didn't want the grind of another weekly. She would have been more interesting as Alexis. The whole tone of the show would have changed with her. Forsythe wouldn't have been able to steamroll her character. However unintentional it might be. Back to you Dallas. Sorry

R261 - Liz was getting up in years then.

I agree. Plus she was the type that at that age she didn't seem to care about keeping herself up. She was happy playing that Edna lady and all her TV movies. I suspect once she went through the glamor reworking for Dynasty she would have made Evans look like a dog. Anyway, that's more than rumor. It's pretty well documented about the part being written with her in mind. That and her last minute backing out which made her no friends.

Liz would have been great as Alexis.

R24 They should have had a better house. Once DYNASTY started I looked down my nose at the Ewings. I'm with the Carrington's now. Beat it, cowpoke.

That's nothing I could have afforded to live on Knots Landing.

The clean lines of the new Southfork just worked for the show. The fact these people were money without breeding was something people could not resist. The house sitting high on the empty plain made it look imposing and much bigger than reality. They took a chance on less being more, usually the opposite is true.

R269 If worked for sure. It kept them greedy to want more.

I’m Andy Gibb crying my eyes out and snorting my fortune up my nose.

I'm April Stevens. The most interesting and charismatic character on the show. Too bad they didn't know what to do with me.

R126, ewwwwwwwwwwww

that said, I thought JR's ultimate revenge on Peter would have been having him kidnapped and blindfolded and then, JR could have had his way with him.

I'm Lucy's panties always wadded up in a ball in a corner with blood and poop stains all over them

I COULDN'T REACH THE TOILET! Give a gal a break.

R265 - Seems the whole cast of Dynasty was comprised of second (or lower) choices. The original Blake was to be George Peppard (who either quit or was fired due to alcoholism and his on-set assholishness) while the original Alexis was intended to be Sophia Loren who wanted primo lira for the role. The producers looked at nearly every 50+ actress with a modicum of celebrity before finally settling on Joan Collins -- who was fresh from the set of "Empire of the Ants" and other B flicks.

Not my part!

R269- JR was a sleeze and Jock came across as low class too. Only Miss Ellie had some class.

Dallas - November 21, 1980.

You were a doll Pamela. The show died when you left.

I think Joan Collins was perfectly cast. Sophia Loren was a bigger name, but I don’t think she could have come as well as Joan.

They also lucked out in finding young and mostly unknown Heather Locklear as Krystal’s niece.

Again hate to distract from Dallas. I'm sure there's 1,000 Dynasty threads. Anyway, what the fuck was going through their minds when casting Emma Samms? Plus I know her reviews are mixed with fans but they should have never let Catherine Oxenberg go. I think she added quite a spark to the show.

I think Tori watched daytime soaps like GH; she saw Emma's beauty and Emma is a truly nice person but dear God in heaven, she's second only to John Bolger in terms of horrible recasts.

BOTH would have been fine in other roles, but Fallon season 1 Dynasty was brlliant; biting the head off the bride on the cake? Telling Krystle the wedding wasn't going to happen till she signed the prenup. "No. It's not a gift." response to Krystle about helping her with living in Blake's world.

I'm the Dallas thread. I've been driven off the road with talk of Dynasty and Emma Samms.

I just finished watching season 6, which is my favorite season. Jock’s will and the fight between Bobby and JR slowly encompass everyone’s storyline.

Pam is stronger than she’s been in years, standing up to Bobby, JR and Cliff. Ray isn’t moping around feeling inadequate. Lucy has her only interesting romance, with Mickey (who never should have been killed off). And you see that JR loves Sue Ellen but can’t help himself, he is incapable of monogamy.

I just wish they hadn’t killed off Rebecca. A Rebecca/Clayton/Ellie triangle would have added depth to the Barnes/Ewing feud. And I wanted to see where Katherine’s bitchiness came from.

I'm the Dallas/Dynasty cross over event that should have happened.

Plot ideas? Steven Carrington and Mickey Trotter meet up and begin a torrid affair, while Alexis goes after Sue Ellen's speedo clad boy toy. Blake and Miss Ellie turn out to be siblings and she invites him over for iced tea.

r12 Cousin in law

I'm Pams super tight jeans and big breasts

I’m one of Miss Ellies house dresses.....it saved the shows wardrobe budget a fortune

r62 Yes he was very yummy!

Speaking of Mickey Trotter, Timothy Patrick Murphy was so hot. His Wikipedia page says he was in a relationship with Mark Patton, star of Nightmare on Elm Street 2. Is that true? They must have made a hot 80's couple! What a tragedy that he died at 29.

I'm Lucy's friend Muriel Gillis. I was the Dollar Store version of Jamie Rose or one of those red headed Walton girls.

Muriel always look appalled or scandalized. My favorite is when Ray calls looking for Lucy, who didn’t come home the night JR was shot.

She had this tense, scared look on her face, like she knew Lucy had shot JR. In fact, Lucy was in a sleazy motel fucking her married professor.

r285, I agree, those seasons when Jock was missing/died and the next season when the sons fought for Ewing Oil were really epic. All characters were fleshed out just right, all stories were connected to the main arc. Everything just worked. As sad as Jim Davis' death was, they really knew how to milk that opportunity.

Speaking about Jock. When you think about it, he was really just J. R.'s door mat. He appeared all crusty and macho, but J.R. was constantly lying in his face, and Jock was always gullible enough to believe. Bobby always had to call out the lies that Jock so happily believed.

There is this publicity photo of the Barnes/Wentworth family that is quite remarkable. It's Rebecca with her three kids. But they were really never together like this. When Rebecca was still around, Katherine was just in two, maybe three episodes - and not really bad yet. Only once Rebecca had died did she become a regular and a baddie.

R295- She was a bitch from day one. She never liked Cliff almost from the first time she met him because Rebecca had allowed Cliff to take over Wentworth Tool And Die which was her father's first company.

I'm Sue Ellen and Pam's "friendship", just shy of a tampon commercial or a soft lesbo hookup.

I'm the ice cubes Sue Ellen always rattled around in her glass when she was drinking.

I'm Miss Ellie's bike riding!

R286, I agree about Rebecca

Priscilla Pointer, ironically, is still alive

I'm the Pledge of Allegiance, recited at the beginning of the Texas Oil Commission meeting.

I'm the Pledge of Allegiance, recited at the beginning of the Texas Oil Commission meeting.

^ 4th grade?

I'm NBC's wishful thinking that our new daytime soap "Texas" will piggy-back off the success of "Dallas". I'll last less than three years.

But I made some money.

4H - Head, Heart, Hands and something else. Health?

I'm Rebecca Wentworth's houscoats and nightclothes. She was wealthy so why was she dressed like a black mammy washerwoman?

That's how I'd dress if I didn't have to work.

I'm bourbon and branch. Sly will pour you a glass of me if you have a meeting with ol' JR.

I am Texas Stadium, old home of the Dallas Cowboy and always featured at the opening

Now, if this was RL and Ewing Oil was still in business, I’d now be called Ewing Stadium

I'm really not an alcoholic.

I am the yellow Mercury Colony Park station wagon haphazardly parked on the side of the road a mile from Southfork, with a pregnant Sue Ellen slumped over the steering wheel, passed out drunk.

Yes I am, R311, and proud of it!

I'm Afton Cooper, kissin's about the fifth best thing I do.

So that leaves: 1. blowjobs; 2. anal; 3. rimming; and 4. front hole fucking.

Who did Jenilee Harrison fuck to get this gig? To go from fighting the ironing board once a week to Dallas was a weird jump.

I'm Audrey Landers' tits which weren't that big. She got what she paid for.

I'm outer office Kendall. Those uppity bitches Sly and Phyllis think they're so much better than me.

I'm all the members of Miss Ellie's society group loosely based on Daughters of the American Revolution. Our meetings consist of gin-soaked cattiness. We're also brazenly racist, even though we all know we secretly want to be gangbanged by the Mexican busboys.

I'm the secret true nature of the decades-long rivalry between Jock and Digger which was not over Miss Ellie, but rather that long-ago weekend of curious experimentation we shared in Odessa that shall never be spoken of again.

I'm the mechanic who last worked on Jock's ill-fated helicopter. J.R. was very generous.

I'm Gary. As a teenager, I knocked up that white trash simpleton Valene Clements just to prove to everyone I wasn't one of THOSE people. It really wasn't worth the effort.

I'm Michele Lee in 1978 wondering what happened to all those fabulous variety shows on television in favor of this new tawdry trash that nobody will ever watch. I'm a Broadway baby and would never be found dead slumming on a nighttime soap opera.

I'm Ewing 23, the most problematic of the Ewing wells.

I'm Martin E. Brooks. No fembots allowed at Ewing Oil.

I'm the Southfork gym, which showed up late in the series to give Sasha Mitchell screen time showing off his muscles.

I'm the bulge of Dack Rambo.

FREE ME

FEAR ME

I'm Philip Capice. You will see my name flashed first on the screen just after a cliffhanger completes.

I’m the lazy writing of the departures of Clayton, Miss Ellie, Lucy, Ray and Jenna.

I can’t be bothered to say specifically where these characters went, so I just say “they’re in Europe.”

Why not move Ray and Jenna to a big ranch in the Rockies or something? I can’t see him hanging out at the Eiffel Tower or Leaning Tower of Pisa.

I'm downtown Dallas. I am unoriginal, uninspiring, uninviting and just plain boring. All my architects and urban planners went on to other careers.

I'm Reunion Tower. I'm often featured in the background during the Dallas location shoots.

I'm the Dallas Tourist Board. We're delighted that our city is mostly remembered for this TV show rather than that unpleasantness in 1963.

I’m the 8 year old gayling who sneaks downstairs after my parents have gone to bed to watch THE BEST SHOW EVER!!!!

Same, R332. Same age too.

I'm most of the fans who knew from the second the shot was fired that it was going to be Kristin.

I'm glad "most of the fans" didn't ruin it for the rest of us.

I'm the gayling so disappointed for the first three episodes of the following season that it looked like SueEllen shot JR. Because I just couldn't imagine life (or the show) without SueEllen lookin' at the world through the bottom of a glass. Because I was a gayling.

I'm the first hurt, which is the worst hurt of all.

I'm the rouge Sue Ellen applies while she and JR discuss if they will have time to visit the newly incinerated Pam in the hospital.

Im the oddly phallic shaped bottle JR has hidden in his room.

I’m the $5million Jock Ewing put in a Swiss bank account in 1963 to pay the Cubans to blow JFK’s head off.

I'm JR'S bourbon farts!

I'm the club soda Sue Ellen really is drinking.

I'm the puppy dog that JR was going to buy Sue Ellen when she told him she wanted a baby.

I'm Sly's brother who got paroled no thanks to Cliff Barnes and all his connectins.

I'm the Tundra Torque that Bobby used to plow through the icy Canadian frozen land. Pam signed off on Bobby getting to use it.

I thought he was going to give HER the Tundra Torque treatment out of gratitude.

I'm John Beck's mustache.

^ I rode that mustache!

Everything Pam rode eventually exploded.

Well then I am John Beck's hairy chest.

I'm Lucy's ABORTION!!!

I'm the first reunion movie, J.R. Returns. Not the crappy second one, War of the Ewing. But we were both ignored when the new series came along.

I'm the exploding dam in the opening credits. I don't know what I've got to do with anything, but I definitely liven things up.

I'm Dack Rambo. I sure hope my new TV show "Sword of Justice" slaughters that new primetime soap "Dallas"! It's "Fantasy Island" that worries me....

I'm the missing spin of one of the actresses in the opening credits.

Susan, that was pretty classic -- and your idea, I hear.

Are you going to the Another World reunion in May?

As originally created for the screen, it was more of an event.

Bitch Samms couldn't even do a proper spin.

I'm Mitch! I'm totally pointless and only exist to tell my midget wife how much I resent her wealth.

I'm Leigh McCloskey and I was blond eye candy that kept horny girls and gays tuning in, no matter how lame my character was.

Jock spoiling Lucy made her think all she had to do was want Mitch and it would all work out.

She should have left him for good after making her OWN MONEY as Young Miss Dallas.

Mitch was an annoying scold. The character was poorly acted and written. I didn’t understand how a schemer like Afton could be his sister, especially since their mother also liked getting free shit from the Ewings. And how does someone who was raised in Biloxi, Mississippi and living in Dallas not have an accent? Afton had the same issue.

HI! I'm Cally!

Go back to your holler down in Arkansas, Cally at R362.

I’ve never been a fan of the Mitch-type character who seemed to pop up on almost shows — self-righteous and indignantly threatened by a woman and her access to money/power.

I'm poor old Rose, one of the later season Dallas whores. I had to toil under Carter McKay's giant belly. 🤮

R359 - "Mitch Cooper: The Other Side of Dallas"

I'm Christopher Atkins' career, starting to suspect that I've peaked.

I'm Susan Flannery. Thinking I can finally give a fuck you to daytime.

I am Clayton Farlow. I am the one male character who got weaker and weaker with time. I had more run ins with JR and yet nobody remembers me.

R366- That actor never seemed straight to me.

I am Clayton Farlow's beer gut.

I am Rebecca Farnsworth. I must be some kind of drag queen or show dog.

I am Rebecca Farnsworth. I must be some kind of drag queen or show dog.

I'm the future DLer wondering why they couldn't use camera tricks to make Lucy taller. Her shortness is often distracting.

I'm Tina Louise's 6th episode. Her last.

[quote]I am Rebecca Farnsworth. I must be some kind of drag queen or show dog.

I am Rebecca WENTworth. I might be some kind of drag queen or show dog, but I know my own name.

I'm all the deception.

Touche, R376.

I'm Raul.

Yeh, I don't know what I look like either.

R373- Her name is Rebecca Wentworth not Farnsworth

and she did not look like a drag queen. The scene of her saying goodbye to Pamela in the hospital after the plane crash was the saddest moment on Dallas for me. I had grown to like her character very much.

I'm Mandy Winter's stilettos.

^ Winger!

Priscilla was my favorite Pointer sister!

I am Miss Ellie’s lack of a driver’s license.

Those gossipy bitches Marilee Stone and Linda Stone told everyone in the Daughters of the Alamo that Ellie doesn’t drive because she mowed down Jock’s mistress in a drunken rage, The court barred her from driving until season 10!

Her name was Rebecca Kercheval !

I'm me on the east coast listening to my mother call her friends on the west coast for the singular purpose of spoiling the WSJR? mystery.

[quote] I am Miss Ellie’s lack of a driver’s license.

Don'cha worry none, sweet pea. I'lls teach you.

I'm JR as a little boy. The way my momma describes me I'm a budding homosexual.

I am Liz Adams. I was in an entire season of Dallas with main title card and everything. Super pivotal character! Remember me? No? I was played by shooting star Barbara Stock. What do you mean you don't remember her either?

Then I'm Liz Craig, played by the fabulous Barbara Babcock.

Pam may have fucked me over, it was a long time ago.

Come to think of it why didn't Pam just buy the whole fucking store and run that?

I am Pam’s exercise studio that Bobby bought her to keep her from nosing around about Christopher’s parentage. For some reason, she wears dresses and suits 1/2 the time she comes here.

I’m Crystal; Suellen’s drunken sister. I shot the bastard!

I'm Gabrielle Carteris. The original choice to play Miss Ellie. Scheduling conflicts.

I'm the glitzy, low cut gowns Miss Ellie angrily tosses out when her breast cancer diagnosis is made. Funny that we never saw her wear anything close to those dressses. Maybe they were old hand offs from Rebecca Barnes?

I'm the cop with the bullhorn calling Out Lady Montford come to out with your hands up.

^^while Miss Ellie bakes in the trunk of Donna’s car.

I'm Sue Ellen's mugshot.

I’m the later Mrs JR and Mrs. Bobby Ewings. We cannot hold a candle to Sue Ellen or Pam.

R 380 It should have been Cliff on that plane!

For R397.

I'm the best work Linda Gray ever did. Too bad it was during the dream season and didn't mean anything.

I'm Sue Ellen's black-and-white dress as seen in R400. I'm suitable for a wedding, a funeral, or both!

I’m Mary Martin whose son couldn’t manage to get me even a cameo on his stupid show:

It's not his fault. CBS put the kibosh on the Miss Ellie having a bull dyke older sister named Bobby-Lou.

R388 Of course JR could've been a little gay homosexual boy. Just think of all his catty, snide remarks to the other family members. Why, he would've been right at home here on DL!

Lucy has this friend who occasionally gets a line or two and she looks so familiar. It's not Muriel. She's a long haired brunette with sort of Asian eyes. Can anyone id her?

Mary's School of Tap:

Sorry Lucy but you're just to short and your legs are too porcine like to tap.

JR: Would $5K make those legs look a little prettier?

Welcome to our school, Lucy

I'm 5'11 models who see Lucy was Miss Teen Dallas, and know this fiction is really fucked.

Lucy WAS porcine. She always reminded me of Miss Piggy-same attitude, same stubby legs.

Sue Ellen always smelled like aftershave. Aftershave over ice.

I'm Donna Reed. Bye!

I'm the original Southfork in the first season. I was a bit grander than Southfork, and JR and Sue Ellen had their own sort of subhouse, rather than just a bedroom with the rest of the fam.

I live in Dallas and we find the interest in this show puzzling.

R413 I heard from a lot of friends who lived in Dallas/Richardson/Ft. Worth they were happy the tv show took off because it seemed to take the burden of JFK assasination off the area,

I'm all the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Those Ewings have more offspring than they know.

Ken Kercheval aged so badly during the show’s run. At the beginning he was Pam’s handsome older brother. By the time Victoria Principal left he looked like Pam’s eccentric uncle whose suit smells like mothballs.

Ken Kercheval was NEVER handsome.

I'm Jimmy! I'm Pam's idiot, goofy cousin. Don't grow attached to me because you'll never see me again after the pilot.

R417 - He was no Patrick Duffy (1978 version) but he wasn't too shabby. Certainly attractive enough. Heck, even J.R. looked pretty fuckable in the pilot.

I'm the rotary wall phone that Lady Jessica used to knock out the annoying Donna.

I'm Wes Parmalee. I look nothing like Jock.

I'm annoying Jamie Ewing. Everybody hates me, except that lush Sue Ellen.

I'm the water that went up Marilee Stone's nose when Jamie pushed her in the Ewing pool.

If only water was the only thing that went up Marilee's nose that day...

I'm branch water. I'm really just water. But I make your simple drink sound more exotic.

I’m Mrs.Reeves, the Marguerite Oswald lookalike employed as John Ross’ baby nurse.

I do NOT approve of John Ross's mother.

I'm the question mark that Mandy Winger put at the end of nearly every line she ever spoke.

I'm the house that Afton bought her mother.

I'm the epiphany Lucy had at the beginning of Season 8 when she realized J.R. forced Peter out of town after setting him up following his affair with Sue Ellen.

^^That little midget stomped out of the living room in her lucite heels.

I'm the double question marks that Charlie Wade used at the end of every sentence?

I'm the awful acting of Shalane McCall as Charlie.

I'm the 1977 Laredo city council still regretting not giving Lorimar the permits to shoot their new TV show "Laredo" here.

I'm the 1950 movie western "Dallas" starring Gary Cooper and Ruth Roman. I have nothing to do with that TV show and am larger forgotten now by anyone under 70.

R405= Faye Dunaway

I'm Jock's brother Jason. Never heard of until I was dead and my spawn hit town.

I'm Jordan Lee. How or why Kristin fucked me can only be attributed to scriptwriters being painted into a corner.

I'm Miss Ellie's brother Garrison Southworth, who came home to die. That Jock Ewing is pure trash, like all oil men, and Southfork was mine by rights. Ellie agreed and Junior's head nearly exploded.

I'm Jock's crazy 1st wife, stuck in the loony bin.

Amanda!!!

R438- Jock Ewing was rather coarse and ill mannered.

Miss Ellie had some class.

I'm Ray's stinky socks.

OMG-Mrs.Reeves was played by Marlon Brando’s sister AND she played Barbara Bennett from Redbook in Mommie Dearest! I can’t believe I never noticed!

Barbara please!

R443 is quintessential DL!

I'm Charlie's cherry.

I'm the Vanity license plates on the Ewing cars. Sue Ellen didn't get one.

I’m the Southfork kitchen which not seen until the fifth season around the time Jock went missing.

I'm the excessive flatulence caused by Miss Ellie's chili!

I’m Charlene Tipton. I play cousin Lucy Ewing. I stand around 4’11”. Even in my highest disco heels, I am still way shorter than all of the other actors.

I'm Aunt Lil.

I really pulled the plug on Michael but Raymond took the blame for me at trial.

I'm Lorimar. We were printing money off these nighttime soaps in the 80s, but by 1993 we were out of business.

I'm the right girl who David Jacobs never met.

Did the kid who played Christopher turn out to be gay? I always thought he would.

We're Pam's coworkers at The Store. We've been working here for years, but that no-experience bitch just walks in and gets all the plum jobs and trips to Paris Fashion Week?! We hate her.

R454 I don’t think he is. He was at a Dallas con recently and had a horrible combover.

R453- He was married twice and had three children. That doesn't make him straight necessarily.

R456 Thanks. Guess I was wrong about him. Wonder if he's bitter that they recast his part in both the reunion movie and the new series? At least Omri Katz got to play John Ross in the reunion movie.

R458 they may be a little bitter, but Henderson and Metcalfe were way hotter and looked like fully grown men, unlike Katz and Harris. One of the few things the TNT version had going for it was the eye candy of Henderson and Metcalfe.

I'm Frank Crutcher. My fingers smell like Miss Ellie pie.

R458, both reunion movies, Dallas: the Early Years and the 14 Seasons of the OG series are all out of continuity.

[quote] One of the few things the TNT version had going for it was the eye candy of Henderson and Metcalfe.

I'd say pretty much the only thing. Honorable mention goes to Judith Light literally chewing the scenery. Her character was like the brain damaged by-product of Alexis Carrington and Griselda Blanco.

I was shocked when they killed off Christopher in the Dallas reboot. That was 50% of the reason for watching.

R462 Metcalfe wanted to leave. Plus it was canceled after the season finale. If renewed they might’ve recast. His mother Pam survived a worse car crash (near impossible, but it was a nighttime soap). Without Hagman, the only way for the show to survive would’ve been to focus on the younger generation with guest appearances from Duffy and Gray. But JR and Dallas go hand in hand. No Larry, and it was a huge uphill battle, which they found out. JR dead, Pam dead, Cliff rotting away in prison. No one wanted to see an epic show end this way. Ironically the less substantial show Dynasty gave viewers a happy ending with the characters.

We called her Pew Ellen. Her pussy always stunk.

They should have called her Spew Ellen. No bush was safe.

Knots Landing gave us a happy ending with Val back alive and reunited with Gary; Mac and Karen, happy; Abby moved back into the cul de sac. Brilliant. A.

Dynasty reunited for a two part miniseries movie two years after it was canceled; Blake and Krystle reconciled; Al Corely back; Alexis, a recast Adam, Fake Fallon (Emma's a doll but...she was not Pamela Sue Martin), Kirby back, Jeff back; I think even Mrs. Gunnerson and the butler made an appearance.

Falcon Crest; they were never going to come back from Maggie drowning -- unless they brought Susan back for finale; we had to be satisfied with Richard marrying Dr. Beth Correll; Pilar being pregnant with Lance's kid; Julia being safe and happy in the convent and Emma and Frank were on their way home; criminal not to have Margaret Ladd in finale! We had Angela's closing speech which encapsulated the whole show. Grade: B.

Dallas; ironically, the best soap of them all had the worst finale and the two reunion movies weren't that great. The last five seasons of Dallas were awful. We saw Pam and Donna leave. Awful. The show never recovered. Then Jenna left. Eh. She was a place holder for Pam. Miss Ellie was too polite to tell her that. Then, Ray left. Then Miss Ellie and Clayton; he came back for visits but let's face it, Clayton wasn't family. He was just married to Momma. So, the end of Dallas had Bobby -- whom we felt we couldnt' live without -- Cliff, and JR. A few familiar supporting players. Finale Grade: D -- but not for Dallas.

I give Dynasty an A for its finale -- it wasn't perfect but we left the Carringtons knowing they were together and happy.

Wasn’t Susan Howard canned because she kept trying to provide suggestions on storylines.

She was a fundie and she complained during the dream season about the hint of lesbianism between Angelica Nero and her assistant, and she complained as well when Donna was supposed to abort her Downs Syndrome baby during the Dream season -instead they had Donna miscarry after riding a bull in the Ewing rodeo.

She later wrote scripts for two Dallas episodes after Donna was written out. The Dallas producers did not like the actors (except Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy) trying to tell them what to do.

When Linda Gray’s contract was being negotiated at the end of season 8 (the same season that Duffy quit), she asked to direct some episodes of the show, instead of asking for a big raise. Hagman, Duffy, Steve Kanaly and Ken Kercheval had all directed multiple episodes of the show by this point. The producers refused to allow her to do this and fired her. She told Larry Hagman, and he threatened to walk out if they didn’t do this for her. So she ended up directing 6 episodes of the show.

That said, as much as I liked the character of Donna, Susan Howard was a conservative cunt. Below is a clip of her shilling for the NRA. She used to appear on the 700 Club, too.

I hated the Dynasty: the Reunion. The worst example of friends of. Who really needed Michael Brandon or Kathleen Beller back? The fake house. The perfunctory cat fight. The recycled Jeff/Fallon/Miles when you knew how it was going to go. All of it, done on the cheap and about nothing. The end of Dallas was just as bad. Knots and Falcon Crest wound up well, but I remember the last season of Falcon Crest with that crazy Michael Sharpe character as like a fever dream, as if a bunch of squatters and cons were squatting in the main house (and the show itself.)

R469 didn't they use the actual San Fran mansion for the Dynasty reunion, the Fillioli(sp) house?

I remember one of the many Peyton Place reunions, they used the town square on the old Warner lot that the Dukes of Hazzard used, it was nothing like the original except for a band stand/gazebo in the middle of the town green.

Yeah. Liking Donna, in my case loving, was a moral dilemma.

Dallas ruined itself by making one of their best seasons a dream. Killing Bobby opened so many possible new story lines. They blew it.

R469, the Dynasty reunion was entertaining. Al Corley portrayed Steven again, as a truly gay man with a partner. It was refreshing and progressive in 1990.

Al Corley was so much hotter than his bland recast.

R469 Brandon wasn’t part of the cast other than the reunion. They tried to get back actors from the glory years of the show, thus the reason for Beller. I think Coleman wasn’t available, so they got Corley. Pamela again declined to be part of it, so we were again stuck with Emma. The replacement for Thomson sucked, and he went as far as to sue Aaron Spelling for not accommodating around his Santa Barbara shooting schedule. Having Miles back was pointless. I would rather have had Sable, since I consider season 9 a good year for the show. John, Joan and Linda hated the script for the reunion, but felt it was important to end the characters happily.

Dallas’ problem began with how they killed off Bobby at the end of season 8. He flatlined, on camera, in front of his mother, brothers, Clayton, Donna, Pam and Jenna.

They should have done what Knots Landing did when Joan Van Ark wanted to leave. Val was kidnapped; Gary tracked down her kidnapper’s house when suddenly a car burst through the house’s garage door, containing a blond female passenger. Gary gave chase and we saw the car explode; the bodies inside the car were burnt beyond recognition. She returned months later-she had escaped her kidnappers.

Bobby should have been kidnapped like Val by Katherine Wentworth. JR, Pam, Ray and Jenna could have tried to locate him and then think he “died” when the house or car he was in blew up.

You never kill off a soap opera character unless there is a loophole that would permit the audience to believe the character could feasibly come back from the dead.

How did Bobby die? I gave up way before the end.

He didn't actually die. It was a dream.

R475 Duffy asked for his character to be killed off. The show learned the hard way. Never listen to actors (most of the time) when it comes to creative decisions.

R476 Bobby and Pam reunited at the end of season 8. He was going to leave Pam’s house in the morning. Katherine came speeding up the driveway, going after Pam. Bobby shoved her out of the way, and the car hit him. The dream had already started at this point obviously.

My grandmother and I were shocked, SHOCKED! when that bitch ran over Bobby.

[quote] He didn't actually die. It was a dream.

Right. And they never did address WHY Pam was dreaming of Bobby dying. Hmmm.

Oh. OK yeah I was still with it two more seasons after he died. I thought he died again. But yeah the dream season was one of its best seasons. Too bad. What brought Duffy back? It was so odd.

R481 he thought he was going to set the world on fire acting wise, but realized no one wanted his ass. Hagman asked him to come back, but it didn’t take too much convincing. Victoria left and stayed gone because she was able to diversify and have revenue streams from things other than acting, most notably her skin care line. Plus Duffy had a family to support. They offered him a million dollar signing bonus to return. It completely undermined the show, making an entire season a dream. I enjoyed the first third of the dream season, until they brought on Anjelica Nero and the diamond mine shit.

Losing Victoria was a blow they couldn't recover from.

The last four seasons are junk. A parade of hillbillies, bimbos taking over Ewing Oil, and crap writing. I stuck through it when it originally aired, but I’d rather watch paint dry than be exposed to the final seasons ever again.

Who was the biggest manwhore character of the 80s nighttime soaps. JR? Cliff? Richard? Lance? I didn't watch KL and Dynasty too much. Was Blake a manwhore?

Except for kissing Ali Mcgraw I don't think Blake cheated on Krystal. JR was probably the cocksman of the nightime soap.

R485 - I'd say Gary Ewing deserves an honorable mention. He was with Val, Judy, Abby, Ciji, Cathy, Jill, Amanda, Kate, and was chem-tested with Anne. I might have forgotten one or two in that mix, and he was often involved with two women simultaneously.

SLUT!

In the priest who secretly taped Lucy’s confession that she fucked her uncle Ray.

R478; Correct. It was not a dream 'season' -- it was a dream sequence that began at the end of Season 8 and stopped when Pam woke up in Season 9 finale.

Technically, Duffy was in all 14 seasons of the show as he appeared in Season 9 finale.

I made up my own theory about Pam's dream: Bobby really died. Mark Graison came back. They got married at the end of season 9. They got married in the afternoon, partied all night and went to bed. That's when Pam started dreaming. And the dream is still going on. She dreamed the crappy last four season and everything happening in 2012. That's my theory, and I'm sticking with it. That's also how continuity with Knots Landing is maintained.

It all would have been worth it if Pam had opened the shower door and found Andy Gibb in there.

Actually on that front R491, imagine if Pam had opened the shower door to Tony Perkins instead. All kinds of crazy, I think Tony hadn't died yet in 1986?

It would have been better if she opened the shower door and saw a polar bear.

[quote]I think Tony hadn't died yet in 1986?

He was still around.

R484- The last good season was 1982/83- the first sign of decline was Sue Ellen's FUCKIN UGLY hairstyle she sprouts after leaving the hospital visiting Cliff after he decides to commit suicide- that and Pamela and Bobby breaking up which they prolonged for YEARS.

[quote] and Pamela and Bobby breaking up which they prolonged for YEARS.

I'd say that storyline and Jock's death were the best things happening to Dallas. I thought both of them were much more interesting during that long period of separation. Before and after the split Pam was just this whiney housewife complaining about what Bobby did or failed to do.

I'm the sumptuous everyday breakfast, which every woman in the house will attend fully coiffured, consisting of mountains of hot food, fruit, and croissants.

I'm still a pauper's spread compared to the butler silver service breakfasts on Dynasty.

R495 seasons 7-10 were good and still felt like Dallas, but the cracks were beginning to show. Barbara Bel Geddes leaving the show and then the debacle of firing Donna Reed, Duffy leaving, Tilton being let go. But they were able to keep the bubble up with great writing. Bobby and Pam’s divorce and the hope of them getting back together kept viewers hooked, along with the fight for Ewing Oil and the collateral damage it caused. The true turning point was the idiotic dream excuse. Still watchable in the last Victoria season, but the show lost a good chunk of its viewers. Plus they couldn’t overcome Victoria and Susan leaving. They hired many young, cheap actors who brought nothing to the show.

R497 - And all those skinny bitches would do was nibble a honeydew melon, drink black coffee and look wistfully at a croissant. And yet NONE of them let the staff have the leftovers.

I'm Alexis Colby putting those fresh-faced Dallas bitches to shame by attending breakfast in a ballgown.

R500 - Oh honey, everyone knows it's the same dress you wore last night. And those stains are NOT hollandaise sauce...

$98, spot on.

I remember JR telling Michelle (April's sister) to sit in Pam's spot at the table, adding, "I never much liked her either."

That was the only decent line around that time.

The show died a slow death the minute Pam blew up.

Susan Howard must have had a lot of fcuk you money to walk away like she did.

Instead of that stupid it's A Wonderful Life ending they came up with, they should have never killed April. but have her be presumed dead. Bobby gets a call from kidnappers saying "we have your wife" and rescues her in finale and it's Pam!

He brings her back to Southfork and the look on JR's face would have been classic. Bring Ray and Donna back over a crisis with Margaret; Ray can tell Donna that Jack and Jenna got together back together. Bring Lucy and Mitch and Clayton and Miss Ellie back for cameos.

Why not give us the happy ending? They all made so much money they could have done that for the fans. Oh, yeah, also reunite Cliff and Afton.

Oh yeah. Getting rid of April was almost as bad as getting rid of Pam. I would have liked to have seen Bobby and April develop.

Sue Ellen, back when she was an antiperspirant model:

Mickey's portrayer, Timothy Patrick Murphy died in 1988, so slim chance of bringing him back, since the character died as well.

I'm Patrick Duffy's speedo.

The only thing I ever see them eating for breakfast is scrambled eggs and maybe sausage. Why didn't they eat pancakes or french toast?

A womanly woman... a womanly woman...

You've come a long way, baby.

R507, I'm sure you've never seen Pam eating anything. Victoria Principal was the master of skillfully pushing food back and forth on her plate when she had scenes at a table. She was always doing something on her plate with the silverware, but didn't eat one bit. Check it out. Just for that it's worth watching Dallas again.

I'm Tina Louise. I stormed off the set the second I found out Dallas was not all about my character Julie. WTF?! I'm not going through that shit again. I'm a MOVIE STAR, you motherfuckers.

R502 Susan didn’t quit, she was fired. She’s a virulent right winger, and complained about the writers wanting to have her character have an abortion when she was pregnant, since the baby was going to have Downs Syndrome. They compromised, and Donna had a miscarriage during the dream season. She also hated the whole dream season bit too. They paired Jenna with Ray, so this, along with her not falling in line with the producers and writers, made her character expendable.

Too bad about Susan. I know it's a low bar but she was the best actress on the show. If they kept Bobby dead they could have upped Ray's involvement in Ewing Oil and elevated her. Everyone I know who watched the show loved her.

R512 it was one of the major dumb ass decisions they let her go. With Victoria voluntarily leaving, you would think they’d want Susan to stay, her politics be damned. The show really became the JR Bobby comedy hour after the 10th season. They couldn’t have fucked it up more if they tried.

Yes, they made the mistake of believing that at the heart of the show was the JR-Bobby rivalry when, in actuality, soaps are about and for women (yes, and gay men) and about their complicated relationships with complicated men. Losing Pam and Susan Howard's character and gradually diminishing and eventually losing Sue Ellen was the death knell.

R514 - Of the four most successful primetime sudsers, Dallas was regarded as the "man" soap. I guess they felt that the women were all interchangeable.

FYI, Dynasty was the gay soap, Knots was the women's soap, and Falcon was the octogenarian soap

R515, yes, that was the accepted notion at the time, but it turned out to be wrong, as evidenced by how uninteresting Dallas became when the major female characters were gone.