My Rescue Cats Are Killing Me

OP, are they rescue cats?

Cats represent a global pest problem. In order to marshal the public and political enthusiasm needed to deal with the cat problem, we need to change our romantic, fantasy driven, humanizing relationship with cats and replace it with scientifically based knowledge.

OP, a former frenemy found that giving oral stimulation to their nether regions - yea though your licking front to back - calmed their rescues.

You could teat this out with your tongue and cling film.

I tried that no no avail. They claw my head and rip my face and damage my toupee.

A cat Killed a reclusive , elderly man living in remote Alaske. He contracted alaska pox ( similar to smallpox and monkey pox) they th8nk from the cats claws. However the cat tested negative. The old recluse died.

It's impossible to re-home them or surrender them to an animal shelter, as every Datalounger knows, so I feel your pain.

Have you thought about getting a pair of rescue gerbils as friends for your cats?

They will help calm the cats down, or be ripped apart. I forget.

I am confident that my rescue cats will be well behaved.

They will love me and treat me like I would be treated by any stranger on the street.

Did you pick them up at a rest stop?

You sound like a troll to me- first thing you do is trim their claws bozo.

At the very least, people like you should not have animal- if you are for real.

I’m guessing a parody post-

[quote] Did you pick them up at a rest stop?

No, I did not.

Your house staff should really be dealing with these issues. Since you don't mention any, one must assume you are a poor and therefore worthless.

There is little question that the OP does not have house staff.

But who knows?

R13 Oh, Greg, I can't keep help. When I leave they attack. Two people are suing me now.

My cook of several years quit because they love to jump up on the stove and set their farts on fire.

My manservant left when they started putting Werther's into their vaginas and then firing them at him.

Maybe a rescue pitbull can solve this problem.

Or a good psychotherapist.

Cats hate their shit. How are they flinging it up to the ceiling?

^ I think that is challenging for a cat.

If the cats refuse to use the litter box you need to take them to the vet as there is something likely going on with their health. Even a feral cat will choose a littler box if one is made available to it. I have had cats all my 70 years of life and I have never had to train a cat use the litter box. Once I put them in it as a kitten they instinctively knew that was the best place for them to relieve themselves. Healthy cats always want to cover up their dropping. Unhealthy cats will just relieve themselves anywhere, or they'll go behind something like a piece of furniture to do it.

How many scratching pads or posts do you have in the house? You need one in every room. And are you clipping their nails regularly? If you keep their nails clipped they won't scratch nearly as much. Go online and buy some heavy duty furniture covers to keep them from destroying your furniture.

But sad to say, if you can't get them to the point of using the litter box, or stop destroying your house you'd be better off trying to find a cat rescue somewhere to turn them over to.

R20, I’m afraid that you are (generously and thoughtfully) responding to a parody post.

The OP created a post that is a parody as a response to my sharing that my husband and I are adopting two bonded kittens.

We will take delivery of them in just over two weeks time.

R20 I have scratching posts in each room. My furniture is destroyed. They've just ripped everything up and shat on it. I'm thinking of buying metal furniture.

I have placed litter boxes everywhere. I thought that if I demonstrated how they are used, the kitties would model my behavior, but I am the only one using them. I'm hoping they will catch on soon.

How I wish I had never taken delivery of these rescue beasts!

Thoughts and prayers, R22.

😾

There have been rare instances where a cat has attacked a person, resulting in serious injury or even death, but it is not common for a domestic cat to kill a person. It is important for cat owners to carefully supervise their pets, especially if they have a history of aggression or violent behavior.

These two are constantly clawing at my ankles. My everyday caftans are shredded.

Donate them to your local Chinese restaurant. Use the back entrance.

I follow lots of cat pages online, love me some kitties. The fact that Asians and Brits seem to forego spay and neutering their cats has not escaped me. Honestly, it makes me crazy. Then these same people complain about poor behavior.

R27 Will they be scissoring on the barcart and screaming less if I have them spayed?

It is then I realize there is cat poop smeared on several surfaces around my room - the walls, furniture, doors, etc. which I assume happened while Moxie was erratically flailing around my room

Euthanize the little terrors.

Ha Ha!

Are they Bengal cats, OP?

My son found a kitten on the side of the road. If I don't watch him he'll pee on the beds and on the chairs to my desk. I've had rescue cats before, but none have acted like him. The Vet said he would stop that behavior once he's had a vasectomy. We're taking him April 8th. He's very sweet and is always affectionate. But, when I wash the bedding and if I leave the bedroom doors open he'll jump up on the bed and pee.

R33 Sometimes they will model your behaviors and will use the litter box if they see you using it a few times.

Hire the gambling addict dude from Ireland to cat sit. Win/win/win

OP, I assume your rescue cats are in fact James Corden and Rebel Wilson, still in costume from their theatrical bonanza CATS! Return them to central casting immediately.

Dude. It’s spring time. You gotta cull.

r33 My little cat used to do that all the time when he was under 2 (he was also a stray). I found it funny at first, but the smell was strong. He calmed down after the vasectomy, but it took him a few weeks to stop with the pissing.

I trapped and neutered 9 feral cats, I'm down to 4 because coyotes are eating them. I've been feeding them for about six years and even though I want to be free of them I was thinking more along the lines of a magic wand that turns them into blue birds.

^ What?

Thank you R38. I hope he stops after this. It's so much work to strip the beds down, wash everything, and try to eliminate the smell. He's such a little shit, but so cute.

I have a dear, dear nearly 16 year-old cat that has been howling through the night more and more as he ages. We finally put him on gabepantin yesterday after several months of wakeups between 2 and 5 AM. I love that little shit, but enough is enough.