OK DL Doctors & Nurses Part II: Raleigh to the Rescue!

Love the title OP. Sweet dreams to you both

Thanks for the new thread OP. Belly rubs for Raleigh.

Yassss

Great to see another thread.

Hey OP, snazzy new thread! You owe us a photo of your furry overlord, no pressure. His eyes are AMAZING! OK, maybe a wee bit of pressure.

Do fireworks go off where you are, or will Sir Chonky be spared from the horror? Hope your week has gone well, and you have been spared the heat we are getting in the SF Bay Area. Any plans for the 4th, or are you just going to nest at home? I have officially hit my "seen one firework, seen them all" stage of life personally,

Hi All-

I just got back from a funeral service this morning. One of the members of my support group died last week. I don't usually see them outside of the group, but he was a baseball fan and he got me into his team. We were supposed to go to a game back in March but I couldn't go when he could because I was having chemo that day. I tried to get him to other games, but by that time, I think he was just too weak.

I have to indirectly credit him with me getting my cat. I hadn't thought about going to a game at all before he asked me and when I couldn't go on the date he was available, another friend offered to go with me a couple days earlier, which started the joy spiral and led to Raleigh.

He was a really great guy. He had stopped coming to the group after showing up one week where he just looked so gaunt and had lost so much weight, I think he was embarrassed. Or maybe he could see the pity in everyone's eyes? I don't know. I would text or email him about Cubs games and after a while I stopped hearing back. But I still did it. Even if they lost, I wanted to tell him something good one of the team had done. I would like to think he was seeing them.

Something one of his friends let slip out during one of the eulogies made me think that perhaps it was an assisted suicide, which I am all for if one is in extreme pain or has no quality of life. He was just always so upbeat and positive. I felt like a demon in his presence because I am the opposite of upbeat and positive, but he made you want to be that way for him. It was definitely interesting to hear about his younger, wilder, and not so upbeat years. He was 43. It should have been another of us from the group instead of him.

The service was packed. There were close to 200 people there, and about a half dozen or so people spoke. They started to say a rosary for him afterwards and I tried to sit through it, but my back and leg were killing me, and by the third mystery, I remembered why I stopped being Catholic at age 15.

I hate that I never got him to a game. I'll miss him.

Confolences OP. He does sound like a great guy.

OP, so so sorry to hear this. But a Cubbies- are you from Chicago? I am too.

I'm not, but I became a Cubs fan this season because my friend was a Cubs fan and we were going to go see them play the Angels, so I wanted to get to know the team. Then I realized this season that there were a number of players I liked from other teams who were now playing for the Cubs. Before I knew it, I was following them along with my other teams (Mets, Mariners).

Love how much passion you have for life, friendships and new things, OP!

The close up photo that you posted of Raleigh’s dear face is so absolutely goofy and sweet - that is 100% happiness!! So happy you started a new thread. Happy almost 4th Everybody!!

Mr. E, how are you feeling about late next week I am going away for 2 days early next week and will be back late Wed night. Would Thurs the 13th or Fri the 14th work for you?

Hey OP, either day is fine by me!

Hi - I hope that everyone had a Happy 4th of July! Little Sunny’s back legs started to buckle and he was extremely fretful over the 4th of July. I am in the “season of things being not great - car, finances, my mom, my sanity” Everything will turn around but my mom who clogged the double sink, and put a package of bagels in the dishwasher and a package of ground Turkey in a mixing bowl on a top shelf is stressing me out in the extreme. ….. I spent hours at the vet yesterday - his comment “I hope we won’t have to put him down” echoed in my head all day. Upshot I spent most of my rent money on Sunny yesterday. he looks good aside from his kidneys. Thank God. They prescribed a special diet for to prevent renal failure, antibiotics and starting tomorrow I have to take him into the vet for the next 7 days for subcutaneous fluids. how many days will go by before Sunny figures out I am going to snatch him up and put him in the carrier for a ride? my mom wanders so I’ll have to load her up with the walker and the cat. It is supposed to be up to 104 in the valley by the end of the week. At least my spare and crazy unit of 3 is intact and it will just be another adventure. ….. Thank you for listening. I am an extremely optimistic person but I have felt so sad this week. this too shall pass……. OP I hope that you have a good Dr’s appt this week and everyone is getting tan and happy!

OP, please link original thread.

R14, it's actually quite easy to give SubQ fluids at home if running the cat to the vet every day is too taxing. I did it for my cat every three days for two years. I was very worried about having to do it, but it worked out fine. I hope she gets better!

Here you are R15

Hi OP, hope things are purring along nicely in your realm. Speaking of....I believe we were promised more Raleigh snaps? Just a gentle reminder. Please note, the reminders will become less gentle the longer you starve us out. I kid, I kid. Kinda.

I hope you don't mind, but in the meantime I am bringing this amazing one from the last thread. His eyes are truly phenomenal!

R16 Thank you so much for letting me know about doing the Sub Q fluids at home - I am so grateful and relieved that Sunny is doing SO MUCH better! Usually if I have to take him in the car I just have him on the harness - he rides in the car like a dog. But I have been taking him in the Sherpa carrier to the vet and Lord, Lord can you hear him howling from where you are? I think since the original crazy couple who had Sunny as a baby would lock him up and he would knock screens out to escape them - he has real trouble with being in a carrier. I have a few more appts for them to do the fluids and I take over next week. I used to have a dog that I gave insulin but that is over in a few moments. Do you have any tips on keeping the cat relaxed when you give the fluids at home? Did you put Kitty on a counter? ………….Hey OP - Have you gotten your test results? I hope everything is alright. I’m so sorry - I didn’t mean to hijack the thread - I know this is a big week for you!

Hey OP, what's next week looking like for you? As of now, I just have a French lesson on Monday at 12:30, other than that, very unemployed.

Hey, MrE, I am so sorry this week got away from me. I was supposed to go on this short trip, but I wound up putting it off because I wasn't feeling 100%. Lots of back and leg aches and I could not feature driving for 12 hours over two days. I also met with my orthopedist and we are discussing spinal surgery for the end of August as long as I get an all clear from everyone.

And then I kept getting my production meeting pushed back and back and it finally happened today and I'm no more satisfied about things than I had been. And I had to blow up my whole day to accommodate THEM because of last minute moves. So it's just been a bad week.

How about Wednesday? Any time is good!

Aww I’m sorry about everything- take it easy. As far as spine surgery- my friend recently had one for a compacted (I forget the term now) spine, and found out that he had forgotten that he had a hernia surgery with mesh, and things went downhill from there. He just had the new hernia surgery last week, but his spine is feeling great!

Anytime Wednesday looks good for me.

Argh that’s me at r22

Having a bit of a rough time this weekend. Finally talked to my oncologist (by phone because I had to move the appt thanks to work shit and I was none too pleased) and he's being very evasive. He wants me to start on Avastin (which I took in conjunction w all my other chemo drugs during that time I just finished). I asked him about other possibilities, but he wouldn't talk about it on the phone and insisted I come in. He said all my scans look good and that things are getting smaller, but that they won't ever go away.

I looked up Avastin and the side effects are quite troubling- high BP, clots, strokes, etc. and the normal dose for second line defense is every 2-3 weeks for 22 rounds. That's over a year that I can't go anywhere for an extended period of time or travel for work. It also means I have to put off my back surgery because this medication impairs wound healing. So I get to be in pain with no exercising for another year.

Also, I think i mentioned that my other doctor casually dropped the nugget of info about me having a mutation (as if I already knew) a few weeks back. I asked my oncologist what that was about and he said yes, you have a mutation but it's a good thing. (And of course, my head was spinning so much about the Avastin that I neglected to ask what mutation.) However, when I went online, I could find NO evidence of a mutation in colon cancer being beneficial. Not one. I know it isn't Lynch Syndrome, because I was tested for that the first time around in 2016. If it's BRAF or KRAS, then I'm looking at 20 months. At this point, I'm starting to make lists of things to get rid of so that the place isn't so cluttered when I die.

I have an appointment with another oncologist on Aug 2 for a second opinion, and I'm also going to make an appt at UCLA to get a third opinion. But needless to say, it's been a very depressing weekend. I think Raleigh has picked up on it because he hasn't left my side.

Wow OP - damn that’s crummy. I am so sorry! I googled Avastin and there is so much about it = it could be all sorts of different reasons they are giving it to you. But you are right - the side effects sound unpleasant to say the least. I think that it is awful that you have to wait until Aug 2 for the appointment - the anxiety will drive you crazy! ….I am glad that you are getting a second and third opinion. I have said it before - the fact that you have stayed sane and pleasant this year shows what a strong character you have. I hope that your A C is working. Give Raleigh a Boop.

Dang OP, that sucks about Avastin and your spine surgery. Would it be possible to start the drug after your spine surgery at all? It's only a month wait to start the drug after surgery.

Could it be a blood mutation instead? And don't feel obligated to meet up if you don't feel up to it.

No, I would like to meet up, and I promise not to be all doom and gloom. Let me know what time works Wed.

All day, you chose the time- it was Alfred, right? The one by Glossier is closed- the one on Melrose place is still open.

Oh, you're kidding! I loved that one in the atrium. I did notice it was getting smaller and smaller. I just made a 9am appt on Wed w/ my oncologist to go over things, so how about 10:30am at Melrose Pl? Is that too early?

10:30 is fine. I'll be wearing an obnoxious neon orange hat and shoes. Don't be surprised by my visage :)

I'll wear a Cubs cap

Confirming, but asking you to give me a short grace period just in case the dr keeps me waiting and I'm late. My appt is at 9am and it's just an information thing, but he loves to be fashionably late. The coffee place is not even 10 min away, so 10:30 should be fine, but be patient since I don't have a way to alert you. Thanks : )

Hey no worries! I live a 10 minute walk away.

Sitting inside.

I’m looking at 11. I’m sorry!

If you haven’t left yet, the Glossier in the alley is open, but has a limited menu- it’s the “Glossier” Alfred.

Hey OP - I hope that your appointment with your Dr went well.

It wasn't great, but I am still processing things I was told in the meeting and then also the reports I got afterwards. It's a very confusing time right now, but as soon as I know what's what, I'll let you all know.

I'm also a little pissed off at my producing partner, who is the only one, business-wise, who knows about my cancer and who got super passive-aggressive with me when I told her I needed another day to get something together that there really isn't quite the ticking clock as she imagines. It's my project and I brought her on (with zero experience) and some days she acts like I work for her.

Right now, I'm having coffee, gearing up to get to work on it after finishing this week's ep of And Just Like That and rubbing a fat cat's belly.

At least yesterday wasn't a total drag. MrE and I had a fantastic time at coffee. MrE, when I left and was on my way to the car, I checked my watch and realized we had been sitting talking for almost 3 1/2 hours. I swear the time flew by. Thank you for that!

It was my pleasure OP, I was also shocked to find out how much time has passed by. You've had an interesting life, and I really like how passionate you are about your projects. Send me that link about the Glam Rock/Weimar Berlin chanteuse guy please.

That's nice, you two. I tried to have a chatty coffee date today, but the bus into town was not running so we postponed. Drat.

OP - Glad to hear you and Mr E were able to get together and put a face to “post.” Is the heat a problem for you? It is probably more comfortable than the freezing (for LA) weather for months. ….. Frustrating about your producing partner - but isn’t that always the way? That has happened to me in times past - you really like someone work wise - you are a cheerleader or mentor and somehow the tables turn and it gets wonky. I hate that. Good luck - I hope that smooths out…….. I took Sunny for his final Subcutaneous fluid appt yesterday. Efore I do it myself. I should have skipped it. The vet tech Samantha was really good with Sunny - she helped me get the needle in and hold it and keep him calm. I was pretty ready - BUT I prepaid and had one more yesterday. Samantha wasn’t there - it was another girl. We went in back - i unzipped the top of the carrier and this big girl reached in and snatched Bony little old Sunny by the scruff of his neck and held him up in the air with his little feet flying - she grabbed him up like he was a feral raccoon! Sam and I had left him in his carrier for the procedure - this gal wrapped him in a blanket and roughly in the table - Sunny was screaming - then she got a huge LONGGG needle like a crochet hook and jammed him with it - he kept seaming and pulled away and she reached her arm up and was ready to jam it again - I finally stopped being a worm and told her to stop manhandling him and to get a smaller needle . I was SO MAD - I have to start doing this for him everyday - after that we are both going to be tentative. I am going to have to let the vet know about it - I just don’t know what to say. It was really bad after receiving such good care there. ….. Oh - I thought this is funny. for any “Sopranos” people. My birthday was Tuesday. my mom was super weepy and agitated over who knows what. Then she starts with the “I’m going to DIE Today!” I told her “Don’t you DARE die on my birthday!” Then I thought - OMG - I am living with Livia Soprano! by the afternoon she wanted to get her Real Estate License back. ……. sorry for the ramblings - I hope everyone has a well and happy Saturday!

OMG, how HORRIBLE for you and Sunny. I would absolutely report her to the vet. And I am so glad you are doing it yourself from now on. If you have any questions about it, please reach out, because I am an old hand at it. You can definitely do smaller, thinner needles, but I will say that the smaller the needle, the longer the fluids will take, so if Sunny is not patient (and really, few cats are), then you may opt to go for a small/medium sized needle (and I can look up both gauges I used and let you know). But you shouldn't need a gigantic needle like you described.

I will also say this- the tinier the needle, the easier it is to slip out of her scruff, so don't get one too small, thinking it's going to hurt her less. It will definitely take more time to do the fluid and you may find you have to put it in more than once.

I don't know how you plan to have things set up, and obviously you should do what works best for Sunny and makes her most comfortable. With my cat, we were on the floor, and I put him in his large bed, which was in the dining room bordering the kitchen. I got everything ready before I even came near him- Put the tubing in the bag, got the needle attached, etc. (whatever needed to be done at the stage the bag was in) and hung it on a pole I got so that it was very vertical and could drip as quickly as possible. Then i got the cat, put him in his bed and inserted the needle. He didn't like it, and some days he was squirrelly and tried to escape, and some days he did escape. If this happens with Sunny, don't terrorize her, let her go and pick up on the next dose. Some is better than none.

Good luck and Happy Birthday!

OP - You are a Rock Star - your voice was in my head - the Sub Q Whisperer! I did Sunny’s first fluid treatment - I won’t jinx myself but it went so well that I almost let him go because I thought I wasn’t doing it at all! … He has been sort of nervous and fussy since that appt on Friday. He hid a lot yesterday. I read your nice post last night and it bolstered my resolve and I got towels and a little bed set on the Long bathroom counter so I would be ready. After his breakfast this morning I did some running around but then set my resolve - I warmed his fluid bag - got it all ready - then I couldn’t find him!! Poor guy - it turns out that I had accidentally shut him in the garage for 4 hours! But I got him - he was sort of funky twisty in the towel I tented his skin and slid the 18 needle in - and promptly forgot how to turn on the saline flow!!! I flipped it one way and he yowled so that must have been it. I just remembered you saying that if he doesn’t get it all or if it isn’t perfect that doesn’t matter - just do it again the next day. Thank you for being my mental cheerleader! Sunny is super relaxed now so I think that it worked! THANK YOU! …. I hope that you and sweet Raleigh are having a happy day!

Oh, I'm so glad you are feeling more confident about it. (And sorry, Sunny- I thought you were a girl for some reason!)

I'm here if you need anything more. Glad you conquered it and I'm sure it will start to feel like a habit for both of you soon enough.

Well - first Sunny is spelled the female way. Not the male Sonny way. The crazy Manson like girl who would lock him in her hoarder house his first year called him “Sunshine” - this woman was just so icky that I just couldn’t call him that but he knew his name - so I just called him Sunny for his sweet personality. my other cats passed away in the last 3 years, so as Sunny has reached 15 I have babied him so much he has turned into a little cat version of “Niles Crane!” He is unusually beautiful though. My other cats passed away before I could do anything about it. Being able to give Sunny the fluids to give us more time means the world to me. …… How is your scalp OP - was your Dr able to give you any relief for it?

Hi OP and Raleigh ands friends! I hope that everyone had a good week. I can’t believe that July is (almost) over. Where did it go? I hope that everyone is staying cool and maybe even having some fun this weekend.

Hey all, sorry for not posting as much lately. Gearing up for surgery tomorrow on my spine, which will have me recovering at home steadily for a couple weeks afterwards, so plenty of time to post then. I've just been trying to "bend-proof" the apartment this week before then. I've bought some old man "grabbers" and an extended litter scoop. I set Raleigh's food up on the dining room table, so now we get to eat together for the next month.

I have some new news regarding my chemo journey. None of it's good, I don't know if it's horrible (it doesn't please me, that's for sure) but all of it is confusing and I'm trying to sort it all out. Will let you all know about it next week when I have some more answers (I hope). I am now off to brew a pot of coffee since I can't eat or drink after midnight, and that means no coffee in the morning, so I'm trying to stave off the caffeine withdrawal headache by having some tonight. Surgery is early and out patient, so I should be home by 1pm if all goes well.

xo

Good Luck! Good Wishes!!

Good luck, Raleigh's dad! Hope all goes well.

Sending love and support to you and Raleigh, OP. Besos and scritches.

We need to get you some caffeine patches stat! Sending positive surgery and recovery vibes. And let me know if I can help- I am bendy!

Checking in on you OP. Sending good thoughts your way.

Hey there. I'm doing okay. I'm still having certain aches and pains post-surgery, but it went well (I think. I hope.) and I'm just home recovering for another week. I'm having sciatic pain still, but the surgeon said that's to be expected for a couple weeks. I don't even remember anything about the surgery. I have no idea how I even got on my stomach for them to access my back, but I guess I must have.

Saw a 2nd oncologist last week who told me two disturbing things- the first is that (in his opinion) I will need to be on some form of chemo drug for the rest of my life. The 2nd thing is that he was mildly appalled that I have been off of all of them for two months. He asked why and I had no answer. I spoke to my current oncologist a couple days later who told me that he doesn't know if I will have to be on meds the rest of my life. He prefers to take things one step at a time, and this next step will be more than a year. I was satisfied with that answer, but when I asked if he thought it was a problem that I've been off meds for two months, his response was, "Let's hope not," as though it was my doing and I was acting against his advice.

I think I may go with this new oncologist. My only misgiving is that his office is a 45 min-1 hour drive each way and that's not something I want to commit to if I don't know how the drugs will be treating me yet. So I have a lot to think about and some decisions to be made.

Had some good news in my professional life this week and it's done wonders for my mood, so I'm grateful for that. Hope everyone is doing well.

Have a relaxing and restful weekend, OP. I hope Mr. Raleigh is helping around the house!

Wow, that is a lot to have to wrap your head around OP - You are in a “Goldilocks” situation with your oncologists. One is a bit too little in satisfying what you need - the next one is a TAD strong with what he thinks you should do. I hope that you can come to a situation that you can feel confident with. The worry would be maddening. …. I hope that you are feeling a little better after your surgery. …. congratulations on your business news - you deserve a victory right now - plus it is a reminder that there is more to you than this situation. ……….. Laundry and watching those poor people in Maui for me on this milf Saturday. I hope that you and your sweet pal Raleigh have a happy or happy-ish day!

Not Milf!! I meant mild!!! ^

I took Sunny for a checkup with Handsome Sullen Vet this afternoon. I took (lugged I affectionately add) my old mother so she could shake off the dust of the day AND she thinks the vet is handsome. After the the appointment I left my mom and Sunny in the car to run into Vons for a tub of Oxiclean and a frozen pizza. 3 1/2 - 4 minutes later I step outside to find - is 4 a coven? A coven of Karens snapping photos of my car and me and shrieking “Shame, shame, SHAME on you for leaving your mother in the car!! “ I have been in a flop sweat for the last 45 minutes that the police are going to show up at my door for a wellness check. ….. I hope everyone is having a good week. OP I hope that you are feeling better after surgery!!

Wow, I'm so sorry. I hope you shooed them away! How did the check up go?

It was just so odd - I worry about so many things - running into the the store wasn’t one of them. The vet said that Sunny looks MUCH better than last month. Keep him on the Renal food “The rest of his life. REST of his LIFE!” yes - I understand … He ran bloodwork that we are waiting for and his blood pressure is up. He gave me medication for it “He will take this the rest of his life - REST of HIS LIFE” Yes, I understand. So unless there is something new in his bloodwork it was a very good visit. He has the Renal disease but at this point it is manageable. As long as he is happy and isn’t in pain. I was relieved because although my vet is excellent (after series of clunky vets with other pets over the years) he is excellent but has a bit of a serious “Heathcliff” Olivier - not the cat - in his manner!! ….. I hope that Raleigh has conquered his scooties and continues to be a happy little fella. I hope you are well and get relief from worries once in a while ….. I guess this storm that is kicking up is going to hit LA and might be a big deal ….. I guess it is time to stock up or prepare a bit.

The storm will be slowed down considerably by the 69f sea temperature around LA. Hurricanes and tropical storms need sea water of above 86f to thrive.

Wow, I'm not sure if something went wrong, if I did too much today too soon after surgery or what, but the pain in my spine is so severe, I'm almost ready to go to the ER. The only reason I'm not is because I don't think they will be able to do anything. I am desperately hoping my dr. is in the office tomorrow so I can talk to him about it. I'm honestly not sure what happened. the only thing I can say is I did more activity today than usual. I cleaned, vacuumed, did laundry, etc. and all of that included a LOT of bending. I may have overdone it. I took four Advil, but that isn't doing a thing for the pain. I feel like I'm back where I was last November, when I was in so much pain from the bone mets that I wanted to just end it. I cannot go through that again.

Damn r61, that sounds terrible. Back pain is the worst. Please let us know what happens, a lot of people here are rooting for you.

Hi OP - were you able to see your doctor to help you with your back pain? Did you go to the ER? Has it eased up a bit? Are you and sweet Raleigh ready to brave the upcoming heatwave?

Hi OP and Raleigh. I don't want to get in your hair/fur, just feeling a bit concerned and thought I would check in. Sending cozy thoughts your way. Besos and scritches.

We don’t even have to get personal. On “Hazel” - did you like her first family with Don DeFore and Whitney Blake? Or did you prefer her younger employers - Lynn Borden & Ray Fulmer? ……….. Hope you are OK!

Yup I’m concerned too, it’s been nearly a week since OP posted. Hope all is well OP and you’re just getting some much-needed meds and chilling.

Sorry, all. Didn't mean to be dramatic or worry anyone. I'm here. It's been an odd week. I started the oral chemo last Friday and I also changed my allergy med regimen, which now has me on 5 different pills throughout the day. That has just knocked me on my ass and I have been groggy pretty much all day. And still a hive or three get through. Yesterday I woke up from a nap with a big one on my right wrist.

I managed to stay awake long enough yesterday to get the results of my new brain MRI and things are still, thankfully, improving. We discussed doing more radiation on my back and I told him I'd like to wait until I'm fully healed from the spine surgery.

I also found out yesterday a friend died. It wasn't unexpected, but still upset me greatly.

I appreciate the concern, and again, I'm sorry for worrying anyone. Here's a picture of Ralls looking demure as a mea culpa!

OP thanks for checking in! No apologies necessary btw. Glad to hear you’re hanging in there. And Raleigh is so effing cute!!!

Don't you just wanna bite that little pink nose? I live with him and I can barely resist it!

After my surgery, I got lazy and let my beard grow back. I decided to keep it for the near term, but I think I'll have to shave it off now. Raleigh's new thing is jumping on my stomach running up my chest and licking my face like Dino from the Flintstones. Only now that I have the beard, he thinks it's his personal cat grass and he bites it and rips it out of my chin. Hurts like hell.

Hi OP - thanks for giving us the heads up. I am sure that everybody you talk to “has a friend …” BUT I have a friend - who went through a surprisingly treacherous bout with cancer and seemed to be on chemo and radiation forever. her chemo treatments end July 22 - after much “Oh boy - all done” She started the oral chemo not long after and had her last does last week - ok Aug 2023 - a year. Hang in there you pull through it - miserable as it is. … So happy that you and Raleigh “saved” each other. Have a great day!

[QUOTE] took four Advil, but that isn't doing a thing for the pain

Of course they didn't! May I ask why you are so resistant to taking opiate painkillers? You come across as something of a martyr.

R71, really? I’m not the OP, but many people are resistant to opiates, and not because we want to be martyrs (what a quaint thought). I, for one, vomit horribly when I’m on them, no matter what I do—take with lots of food, etc. And you have to jump through hoops to get them (yes, even if you’re a cancer patient).

Don't they make you horribly constipated as well?

They do indeed, r73.

R71, I have tried various opiate painkillers on several occasions throughout my adult life and they don't really do a thing for me other than fuck up my normal sleeping rhythms and constipate me. I have found that 4 Advil will at least take the edge off the pain in most circumstances.

If you've ever had narcotic-caused constipation, it's not something you'd be looking to repeat. It's pretty awful. Even anti-nausea drugs constipate me terribly (and also don't tend to do a thing for me) so I try to use stuff like ginger drops, or when things get bad, medical marijuana, which both help.

Hi OP - I hope that your back has become bearable for you you. How crummy to get back surgery and wind up so awful. ….. Although Sunny is tolerating the Sun Q fluids - sad handsome vet said Sunny’s #s aren’t good. He has me giving Sunny bloodpressure meds that make him dopey. I also have to give him these enormous probiotic pills twice a day. He has to swallow them whole so I have to hold open his mouth and jam it to the back of his throat with my finger. The poor cat hates me now. ….. We are Charter Spectrum and my mom can’t live without Dallas Raines and the abc 7 local newscasters. And Jeopardy. I’ve left my disgruntled cat and mom and I am catching up on “And Just Like That “ in another room……. I hope everyone - and Raleigh stays happy and cool this weekend!

Hey there. Back is feeling much better. Just some residual pain. I start the infusion a week from today and I have a week off from my oral chemo. I am really freaking out about money. In that I have none. I have gone through my savings and have been trying to find something I can do remotely with no success. Starting to worry I'll be homeless by the end of the year.

Every time I call somewhere and need to talk to a customer service rep and they get shitty with me, I want to say- Sick of your job? I'll take it. And I'll be much nicer.

Man, if I could go back in time, I'd save every penny I could just to keep this anxiety at bay. I'm sure it's not helping me get rid of the cancer. At least my eating has gotten back on track. I have been able to resist the sugar cravings that started back up during chemo and then pretty much just became the beginnings of an addiction. I have now gone 6 days without eating sweets, which, for my recent pattern, is pretty great. I am not going to "reward" myself by giving in once a week or once a month. I know the cancer is fed on sugar, but for some reason, the kind of chemo I just went through and had in 2016 really makes me crave it. I am hoping that this new oral chemo doesn't have the same effect. I think it took me about a month (so two rounds) to start craving sugar. Let's see what happens after my next round of oral chemo.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. And if you know of any reputable remote job places, do let me know. Thanks!

Hi Op -The $ struggle is a nightmare - if I could go back in time I would change SO MANY things! BUT - ok I am out here in LA, also. My neighbor ‘Gu’ who lives up the street is a nice guy in his early 50s and is a “car guy” more than anything. He works on all of the cars on the street. He is nice but a bragger. He is married with 5 kids and his wife just had another baby. BUT - he works from home booking appts and billing for Kaiser. I have TRIED to get him to spill a connection because I could use it but he doesn’t share much. BUT he is making a very nice living doing it and he is totally legit. So you might try googling Kaiser remote work California. I always fall for everything - at least this is legit. I know the money anxiety is awful.

Guy not GU - my eyes are going!

Thanks. That's a great tip!

Hi Op - did you start your infusion today? And ok - I’m going to be dumb here - what is that? Have you been able to stay off of sugar? Didn’t this whole thing start a year ago in September? Anyway, hoping you are well and wishing you and Raleigh the best!

Hello. Yes, I did start infusion yesterday, and thank you so much for remembering.

Yes, believe it or not, it was a year ago this past week that I started the first thread asking what this could be on the night I wound up going to the ER and then being told it was cancer. It has gone by incredibly quickly, but certainly not uneventfully.

Infusion, R81, is when you get the chemo drugs administered intravenously as opposed to orally, though there are other types of non-chemo infusion. It's the method, not the drug.

It went well. The facility is nice, the people were nice, and they actually listened to me. When I said I didn't want the anti-nausea meds because they don't do anything for me and they block me up, they listened and didn't give them to me, as opposed to my last oncologist's office who basically patted my head and gave them to me anyway.

I also had to get to an appointment down the road to get an ultrasound. I thought I might have another blood clot in my leg from particular pains I've been having this week. When I first did chemo in 2016, I got a blood clot in the same area after my first chemo dose, so I know what the sensations feel like. I have had a few false alarms over the years, but I have been told that it's always better to check with those things. The oncologist's office made the appointment for me. When I told my infusion nurse about it, she made sure that I got out of there in time, even though I was scheduled to be there a little longer the first day. And she did it without making me feel bad about it.

Met with the nutritionist on Tuesday and it was pretty much stuff I already knew, but she offered a few enlightening observations about the way that I eat which I think will be helpful. No sugar since then, which has been okay, but I expect to have a withdrawal soon.

I have had a few encounters this past week that have brought my mortality to the forefront. I do wish I could just forget about it and just live in the moment, and sometimes that actually does happen, but sooner or later something always comes around to bring me back to reality. I guess I should be grateful I even have those times at all.

Raleigh is doing great and has been super cuddly. I've started to really rely on his company recently and have become very attached to him. I am so glad I have him.

Hope all is well with everyone. This week... time for the fall vaccines!

Hi OP - I have said it multiple times - you have navigated through this year like a warrior plus - taking the time to be Raleigh’s hero - that it really a special thing. That poor little Chonk would probably still be waiting for a home and someone to love him. You both won the lottery there. ….. Do you prefer the infusion chemo or taking it orally? That is good that they listened to you about the anti nausea meds - you know best about that now. Those brushes with thinking about your own mortality are like earworms from a song - they can run over and over in your mind and make you crazy. …… I have been fighting off acute anxiety this week physically, financially and emotionally caring for my sick mom and sick cat and swiftly getting behind in bills and optimism - it is getting hard. As long as the landlord doesn’t move is out for their daughter I can tuck down and push through. I have been feeling my old friends pulling away a bit. I can feel some impatience on their end that I’m STILL in a situation. Almost all of them are happily married and own their own homes or have trust funds - I can’t exactly mention that my Cal Fresh card is already out for the month. Then I worry that my my mom and or Sunny may pass soon ( It could be years) and I have not handled things well. …. Sorry OP and and anyone else - My mom doesn’t temper most of our conversations or she cries. This little space here CV on this thread has given me some company and relief . I am shallow though - if Sunny and I hit on a good Law and Order SVU rerun all will be right with the world!! …… Have a good week and I hope that your back continues to get better!

Thank you for your lovely message, and I am very happy that you have found some solace on this thread.

My mom died about 5 years ago. It was a difficult time and I was pulled in several different directions, trying to make everything right for everyone while being confronted by a mother who had changed radically due to rapid onset dementia. I had guilt for a while about not handling things well, especially because two years prior, when I had my first cancer diagnosis, surgery and treatment, my mother stepped up in a way that I had never seen her behave before. She was strong, confident, and did not need to lean on me (because she knew I needed it to be the other way around). I couldn't have been more proud of her, and I felt for a long time that I had let her down in her last couple of months of life. I have realized since that I was thrown into a situation that was incredibly complicated, was trying to keep her partner from becoming homeless, trying to keep their finances from collapsing, and unraveling all the damage my mother had done over the past few years to her own situation without telling me about it. You seem like a caring, thoughtful person, so I cannot imagine you would not handle things to the best of your ability. Try not to let the guilt or the "what ifs" win.

I slept a shit ton this weekend. I think the combo of oral and infusion just knocked me out. Of course I would prefer oral because it means fewer trips to the doctor, but this particular infusion is so much easier and more pleasant than the ones I've done in the past because I do not have to bring the pump home with me and wear it for two days as it feeds the meds into my system and then go back to have it removed. This one is a one hour infusion and I'm free. The drive is long, but these days, the only time I seem to ever listen to music is when I drive, so I don't mind it so much.

My chubby cat is velcro-ed to my side. I love him so much.

Oh, I forgot to tell you all- I got a job! It's a remote position, so I can work safely. Man, it was in the nick of time, too. Phew.

I start this week.

OP - Thank you so much for your thoughtful message and sharing what you went through with your mom. It is such an odd and slow motion situation - emotions sometimes get the better of me.although I’m sorry you had to go through it - it gives me some perspective to keep on trucking! …. Congratulations on your new job! Whew! That is a happy way to start the week! you and Raleigh stay safe!

Raleigh is feeling very mellow today.

Yay! A new Raleigh snap! Fantastic news about the job. Congratulations. And you are sleeping deeply, which is also great to hear. Even the transfusions seem to be as mellow as possible, with some nice staff to boot. You certainly seem to have found a good luck chonk. You get to have ALL of the sugar you could possibly want and then some, it has simply transmogrified into a furry form.

Thinking of you OP. Hope the new job has been a good fit and that all is well in the Realm of Raleigh!

Hope no news is good news, OP.

Hey all- Doing okay. Being back to work has proven a bit more difficult than I imagined. It's been a year of doing nothing but dealing with cancer, so retraining my brain to be creative and thinking about someone else's needs and hitting deadlines is...challenging. But I'll get there!

Hi OP - I am glad to hear that although stressed you are forging ahead! Sunny has been doing really well but yesterday and today has been startlingly listless. That is so distracting because like his b me and - he is always a “Sunny” little guy. I am sure he will be better and I am just indulging in an early dollar of anxiety today…. I hope that you and Handsome Raleigh have a very happy first week of October!

Like his name ^

Is Sunny still eating and drinking and using the litter box? If so, there's probably nothing to worry about. My cat who had kidney disease had his listless days, as well. Try not to worry and just keep an eye on him for now.

Hi - thank you for the friendly response! Sunny perked up today. He has been SO much better lately that it surprised me when he was so limp. I have been watching him like watching a pot coming to a boil lately. Poor little guy - I should toss him the car keys and give him some freedom!!

Big congrats on the job OP. Working from home is ideal as you can have your anxieties in private haha. Best wishes to the other Cat Guy too, you might not know you're doing great despite living inside a cyclone. x

Dear OP, thinking of you. If you are even in a bit of the Halloween spirit, get one of those sugar pumpkins. They last forever, they are the perfect small orbs, and if you are up for it, the seeds are easily harvested for roasting. Or, just perch it somewhere, unmolested. You'll still enjoy it.

Hey There. Just had my 2nd infusion of chemo yesterday. I slept all day today. I got up at 8am, took my oral chemo, and was alseep on the couch within an hour, slept on the couch til 2:30, managed to make it into bed and napped until 6ish. I think the combo of the oral chemo and the infusion just wipes me out. Thankfully it's on a Saturday.

Hey OP - were you able to shake the heavy fatigue or is it lingering? How is your back doing? I hope the new job is tolerable or if not you ditched it….. Well - my mom is 88 tomorrow. Unbeknownst to me she decided to make baked potatoes today - without pricking them with a fork. They DO explode. But hey - how lucky am I that she is still with me and wanted to make her own pre B-Day potatoes….. I hope everyone here is having a good week, despite all of the sadness in the news.

Hey everyone. Hanging in there. Tomorrow I will finish up my third cycle of oral chemo and then next week will be my third dose of infusion meds. I just wish I wasn't so damn tired all the time. The hives are still with me and my allergist's office is dragging its heels getting my first appointment scheduled. I don't understand what the delay is and I'm about to find another place if they don't get me on the books this week.

Work has been challenging, but I am hoping I'm doing a decent job. I have my first staff meeting in about 5 minutes, so wish me luck!

Hope everyone is doing well.

Best of luck, OP! At least the weekend is right around the corner.

I got some very bad news this morning. They have been doing these periodic tests on me to check tumor markers in my blood. The last one was 2 weeks ago. I got the results this morning and the numbers have shot up like crazy, which means the new chemo regimen is not working. I have a call into my doctor to find out exactly where we go from here, but I don't think this bodes well for my time on earth.

Oh OP -I am so terribly sorry to hear this! I am so sorry that YOU had to hear this! …. I am sure that there are a million things to be said - a million possibilities to to try. Give in to a good ugly cry and hold on to Raleigh . You must be exhausted. Don’t give up the ship - there is just more to figure out. …… There are a lot of us out here sending you prayers, friendship and crazy twisty good energy!!

OP, I can only imagine how you have felt sitting with this all day. I hope your doctor responds/responded quickly, and you can get in right away to talk about what is next in the lineup. A new plan of action will give you new focus, it's in the waiting that the corners can seem to grow particularly dark.

Apply large amounts of Raleigh to yourself at regular intervals. Find something on TV you can binge, or a book you can get lost in. Have food delivered that you especially enjoy. Do what you can to find the cozy while you await the next steps. You are receiving supportive energy from many people who may not have met you, but who truly care about you. Tap into that.

Besos and scritches,

Thinking about you and love you OP.

Any clinical trials that may be an option? Hoping the very best for you and Raleigh!

I have been playing internet doctor the past couple days and from what I can see, there may be the ability to move to immunotherapy. I won't know what we're looking at until I get the PET/CT scan, which is more waiting and yet more waiting. I will be talking to the doctors on Thursday, though. One of my support group members just called me and calmed me down a bit. I'm going to try not to dwell on it until I have some hard information. Easier said than done, of course, but I have to try.

Thanks to everyone for being so caring. It means so much.

Hi Op I am glad that you are feeling a SMIDGE better. I know all of this waiting must be just the absolute worst. I hope that you and Raleigh are having a little enjoyment this weekend….I watched the Moonlighting Pilot for the first time in 30 yrs or so tonight. lots of old downtown LA. Forgot how spectacular looking Cybill Shepherd was back then. hard to wrap my head around how twinkly, sexy, sly and bright Bruce Willis was. What a crummy thing to happen to him….. I hope this week brings you better news! We are rooting for you!!

Thankfully, my new oncologist was able to push through my PET scan with the insurance company and I am having it done tomorrow morning, so I am hoping to have the results by the end of the week.

Sending you intense good wishes and good luck beams!!!!!!

Hey All. PET happened on Tuesday and I do have a new tumor, but it's small, under 2cm. We're doing more imaging next week to take a different look at it. The good news is none of my other spots are active, which is a big relief. My oncologist wants to stay the course with the current med regimen, and it's possible this new thing popped up during the three months I was not doing any chemo (but we don't know that for sure). We're going to closely monitor with MRIs every couple months and blood tests every month.

I was supposed to go to chemo today for my infusion but I got super sick about 45 min before and did not think I could make a drive that far without a bathroom, so I had to postpone. So I slept all afternoon and just had some cream of wheat. If I could put on The Mike Douglas Show or All My Children, it'd be just like when I'd stay home from school sick.

Happy to hear the good news, OP. As for the "newcomer", give it the mental finger. Glad you were able to get some rest and I hope whatever it was that made you stay home is out of your system. Are you and Raleigh going to dress up / do anything for Halloween? Cuddle and watch some classic horror movies? He would look extra handsome in a cape, and he is most certainly a superhero.

Besos and scritches,

Hi OP - I’m glad that are relieved about the results. The anxiety you have is too much. Take a few sick days. Chicken Noodle Soup and 7 up. Sleep. Have some All My Children dreams - may your naps take you and Raleigh to “Pine Valley” and spend some time with Erica, Phoebe Tyler , Dr Joe and Ruth Martin, Billy Clyde Tuggle, Chuck and Donna … Tad the Cad …. Myrtle ……zzzzzz

Thinking of you OP. How has your week been?

Hey sweet soul. Hope this is the cozy kind of quiet.

Won't lie, I am getting worried. Did something go down with OP or Raleigh? @R39 MrE , can you get ahold of him, or at least let us know if he/they are OK?

I texted him yesterday to see how he's doing, and I haven't heard back. The last time I heard from him was last Thursday.

Okay, just heard back from him- he's been busy with his medical (naturlich) and his new job.

THANK YOU!!!

Hey All- I'm so sorry. Yesterday was my first allergy injection for the hives. I was at the Dr's office all morning and then I came home and crashed. This morning, I had three Zoom calls back to back for work and now I am trying to clone 14-16TB of footage in less than 48 hours to be delivered across the country on Saturday.

I'm doing okay. My last two MRIs showed nothing untoward and even some further shrinkage in the tumor remainder in my skull. We just need to figure out why I got a new spot of cancer. I am so wary of not doing everything I possibly can to keep the cancer at bay for as long as I can. Not knowing what caused the new cancer to pop up is going to make me nuts. Is my current regimen not doing the job fully? Or is it because I was off chemo for 3 months (and if so, then why didn't any of the other spots reactivate). I just feel like "we aren't sure" isn't gonna do it for me because if we aren't sure, then how can I prevent more from cropping up as quickly?

Also, I just ate a frozen yogurt fake sugar ice cream bar and all I can taste are the chemicals. Blech.

Hi OP, wondering how goeth the slog. Completely understand how "we aren't sure" would not sit well. Sending you and your (our?) benevolent, chonky overlord besos and scritches.

Hey There

Doing okay. I spoke to the NP at my oncologist's office this week and she said that the MRI on the "new spot" may just be a sclerotic remainder. But why did it light up with the PET? She said the team is unconcerned about it, which makes me feel somewhat better, but definitely not less vigilant about it, and I will stay on top of trying to figure out all the whys/whats/hows of it.

Been a crazy busy week for me with work, which has been nice (though tiring). However, I found out this week that my job is ending at the beginning of 2024. They are unable to keep me on for an extended period of time (money issues). So I now have to find something at the worst time of the year. Wish me luck.

What's everyone doing for Thanksgiving? I had planned a trip to Vegas to see a beloved show one last time before it closes, but I wound up canceling as I don't have the money. But the good news is they have extended the show through 2024, so I still have a chance to catch it one last time.

Here's the Rall master peeking at you all. Chonk of all time.

GAH! That sweet beast cannot get any cuter! I am sure you are cute too, OP but you have some serious competition.

I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing Thanksgiving with the Chonk. Hopefully, the new job is just around the corner, along with continued good concerning your cancer. Take care, OP!

Hey OP, Raleigh, and my friends here - I hope everyone will be having a Happy and peaceful Thanksgiving. … I mentioned in late spring my landlords pick odd times to circle - their daughter has an eye on moving in. They picked THIS week for the yearly termite inspection - done by their relative. every single room, closet, cabinet , drawer , garage. Thank God I have a boring personal life - examining every inch of the place is stressful. They left about an hour ago - it was fine but timed preholiday makes one feel wobbly. Otherwise all is fairly well - my mom keeps answering her remote control. Sunny is sassy and things should be quiet for a few days - I might even cook. ….. o hope everyone is well!

Dearest OP, I hope you and Sir Chonk had a snuggly Thanksgiving, however you decided to do it. Thankful for you both. You make this place extra cozy through difficult times and easier times.

Besos and scritches, and possibly leftovers.

Hey All-

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine was pretty mellow. Had dinner at a friend's house and went home early. Thankful for this little group and all the well wishes and caring.

xxo

Been trying to get work done this week but have been having a worsening issue with my stomach. For the past 2-3 weeks I keep feeling like I have eaten a five course meal, even though I'm eating normally. I've even cut down my food intake about nearly half in the past week because I'm just not hungry. Even when I do feel hungry I still feel full. Going to the bathroom okay, but something is wrong. I haven't even lost any weight even though I'm eating much less.

I would be surprised if it was new cancer since we JUST did a scan, and my Nov blood test number came back and it's dropped decently from October. I get a new test done Monday, but I think they want to do an ultrasound on my next week. I asked if this could be a delayed side side effect of the oral chemo I started in Aug, but they did not answer the question in my message.

I'm sorry your news isn't so good right now. Fingers crossed that you are having chemo side effects rather than more cancer.

Hi OP - So sorry to hear about your digestion! It is scary on top of a pain. I’m wondering - hoping it is a response to some of your medication. I don’t have food allergies but I have had funky food sensitivities that crop up out of nowhere that can sideline me for days. I discovered this Target ice cream ( I almost never go to Target) they had some special Holiday Ice Creams and cookies that I brought home and pretty quickly realized there is something in them that I can’t deal with This is my LONG winded way of pointing out - wasn’t it LAST winter when you started having awful digestion and elimination issues? Maybe there is one ingredient in some seasonal food that screws you up. Plus Money worries can land you flat on the floor. ….. Sending you the best. Sunny is precious. my mom asked me what Tupperware was yesterday - things are mellow.. …. I bet Raleigh just adores you and the air that you breathe. I wish for you both a happy day today .

Yes, last year I was having nausea and reflux issues with the chemo, but wow, now that you mention it, I have to go back and look at the diary I kept for the doctors during that time. Thanks for the reminder.

: )

Hi OP, how are you feeling physically and emotionally? Know we are all thinking about you and King Chonk.

Hi, MrE R117 Don't want to cause any fuss, however, you know him the best in this thread. Would you mind terribly to do another text check in with OP? He might be in "leave me alone" mode, which of course should be honored, but I confess I do get concerned about how he's holding up when a stretch of time goes by. Whatever you think is best.

I'm good (and what a coincidence that I just happened to sign on right after you left this message!) I really have been super busy doing work, looking for work and all that in between.

Doing okay, otherwise. I think we may have figured out what was causing the feeling of fullness. My allergist put me on Famotidine (which is a proton pump inhibitor, like Nexium, et al) which can also be used as an antihistamine. He had me on it 2x a day and that seems to be the culprit. The allergy shots are working so well for my hives that after the first dose, they were all but gone. I still have another 10 months on them, though.

Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate!

r144, so funny you asked that, I texted him a few days ago and heard back from him yesterday, and was literally going to give a little update. :) I hope everyone is having a good holiday season.

Thanks so much OP for the update. Happy the culprit has been discovered, so you can relax into a bit of celebrating when you and Raleigh feel up for it. Maybe putting him on top of the tree might be a bit dodgy, but I bet he could pull off some sweet dreidel spins.

Thank you MrE R135 for being on the same wavelength! That is some damn fine and cozy synchronicity from you and OP both. It is a relief to know if we have to throw out the "bat signal" (OP signal?) you are already ahead of the case let alone make anyone feel bad for asking. I hope your holiday of choice has got off to a lovely start.

Besos, Scritches, and Grateful Hug. I raise my bottle of plonk to you all!

Off to Britbox to get my Rumpole fix. *hic*

Wow - this is a very happy Saturday night round up - I am so glad to find everyone well. OP - what a relief that you are feeling dauncy from wonky histamine reactions. ….. I don’t remember - is Raleigh still having trouble with scooties? Please put up more photos when you have a chance. …. So warm in So Cal - it feels more like my childhood So Cal Christmases in the 1970s - full of Santa Ana winds and dry Christmas tree needles. My mom loved going to estate sales and obscure thrift stores - her trees were spectacular . I should bring a few of the old ornament boxes in from the garage but I don’t think so. I got a little Charlie Brown tree this year - it is sweet so that is enough……. Looking forward to Gilded Age. …. Have a happy week, everybody!

Awww, I'm so glad to hear trees are up. It's so bizarre to think that last week I passed the one yar mark of starting chemo again. I remember it vividly. Nov 30th. It was the day they announced Christine McVie's death, and how it was related to some sort of opioid issue because of the crippling back pain she had. And I was having the same issue (if not the same cause) and thinking- I get it. But I was so sad because Fleetwood Mac was my first favorite band (maybe after The Partridge Family) and still is to this day.

I put my tree up last year during Thanksgiving weekend because I was worried I wouldn't have the strength to do so after I started chemo. Back in 2016, when I had my first tangle with cancer and chemo, I finished chemo in mid-Sept. During that time, I had two cats (both of whom have since passed) and I hadn't had a tree up for 11 years. I tried the first year with the first cat and he destroyed it, so no more trees, and I was fine with it. But I was so happy to still be alive at the end of 2016, I decided to buy two small trees, one traditional and one mid-century silver, and but them both up. One went in the living room and one went in my bedroom. I did the silver one in all authentic 1960s and 1970s ornaments I found on Ebay (and some mid-century themed ones that were newer) and blue lights. My cats back then were not big jumpers, so if I put the living room one up on a higher bookshelf, I knew it would be safe. I put those up for about three years, and then I stopped. But I definitely needed a little Christmas last year, especially because I was without any company, and thought it might be my last Christmas.

I thought about doing it this year, but I have the cat, and this is his first Christmas, and he knocks EVERYTHING on the floor and then bites it, so I didn't dare take a chance. I could put the one up in my bedroom, but I never enjoy those as much. I love sitting on my couch at night with all the lights off except for the tree, and watching tv or just listening to music and looking at the tree lights.

I've been watching some of the Oscar movies when I have a spare couple hours. The awards streaming channel is finally getting some decent stuff. Last night I watched Poor Things and then started Oppenheimer at almost 11pm, got through almost two hours of it and finally had to go to bed. May finish it tonight.

Love to all. : )

What a wonderful update! Thank you, OP. I hope you and Sir Raleigh have a relaxing and very special holiday season and continue in remission. Enjoy!

Poor Things!! Did you like it? Love it? Meh? I read about it a few months ago and was really intrigued. It it does seem really bizarre. I like Emma Stone …. I have had a couple of Christmas tree topplers over the years. Sunny has more of a sleepy eyed Robert Mitchum thing with the tree - he could care less. Black Kitty who passed away a few years ago would come alive when the tree went up. She would pull her dainty paws back and smack the hell out of the ornaments and could even make some fly across the room an hit the wall.. She was talented…. I had to laugh - if you don’t want Raleigh to be tempted with a tree - you could install a “Festivus Pole” Ala Seinfeld and put a string of lights on it. Then you could commence with the “airing of grievances” and “feats of strength” …. I watch too much tv …..

Oh man, I am so out of shape. I just changed the litter in the cat's box and I am winded. I got back on the treadmill again and I can see how out of shape I am, but I am forcing myself to get on five days a week, even if it's only for 20-30 min until I work up my stamina.

Stomach issues are acting up again, so it doesn't seem as if it was the medication they gave me for my allergies before I started the injections. And I think the "hand-foot" issues that go along with the oral chemo have finally started. The heels on both feet have cracked to the point where it's painful. I thought it was just dry skin, because my feet are always dry, but this is something I've never had before, so I am going to start the Voltaren cream.

Let's see... anything good to report. Yes, I finished a big project that seems like it could be a go for 2024, which would mean some money for me. I'm proud of that.

And no, R140, I hated Poor Things. I liked The Holdovers and All of Us Strangers. And the Chicken Run sequel wasn't bad, if not the instant classic the original was.

How are you all doing?

The heels on both feet have cracked to the point where it's painful. ///

This is actually a fungus infection and the cream used to treat thrush should clear it up. Ask your pharmacist.

Do you think so, R142? I have had periods of fungus issues with my feet. I hate wearing shoes (not outdoors, of course), and I have been to podiatrists who have prescribed an antifungal cream, which I do use, but get lazy about after a week. In all the time that I've had that recurring issue, I've never had cracks in my heels, which made me wonder if this was the hand-foot issue instead of the fungal thing flaring up. (And to make it clear, I am a super clean and hygienic person.) I've gone back to the antifungal cream this week, but so far no relief. I'm going to continue with it until Thursday and then I have an appt w/ my oncologist and will discuss with him. My NP told me that the side effects from this particular chemo usually surface much earlier, so you may absolutely be correct. Thank you.

Try this stuff, OP of the hurting tootsies. This stuff clears up EVERYTHANG. Just an Amazon order away.

Link didn't link well. It is:

Desitin Maximum Strength Baby Diaper Rash Cream with 40% Zinc Oxide for Treatment, Relief & Prevention, Hypoallergenic, Phthalate- & Paraben-Free Paste, 4.8 oz.

It is almost creepy what it will clear up.

Take good care and thanks for the update!

Hey OP and everyone, hope you have a serene Christmas. I love the week between Xmas and NYE and watch all the old movies and make another resolution to not worry so much. Love to all. x

Signatera number jumped way up this month to heights it's never been. And the pain and fullness in my stomach is also back after an only one week reprieve. My oncologist was very sober about the number, especially when he heard about my stomach issues. We're trying to get an abdominal scan pushed through ASAP, but the next two weeks are pretty much ruined for me.

I actually had an optimistic, positive past month with lots of good things and allowed myself to feel happy. How is it that at my age, I have yet to learn that that is a punishable offense?

Op - I am so very, very sorry to read this - you sweet soul - damn it - you must be exhausted from the worry and anger and the actual pain! I apologize for not remembering - I know that I should - do you have any brothers or sisters around? I don’t have family (outside of mom and cat) and lately feel the walls closing in - no one left who HAS to be there for me - I say this because I hope that there is someone that you can depend on. In the meantime, please, please feel free to vent away - everyone here cares so much ….. My best thoughts and prayers for you and sweet Raleigh!!

Thank you. I have friends for sure, but when I get like this, the last thing I want to do is burden them because I'm kind of a black hole of doom. It's very rainy and bleak here right now. I fell asleep on the couch earlier and Ralls was cuddled up next to me. And then he got too close and started biting my beard so I got up and did the dishes. And I'm feeling all those same thoughts I was having a year ago- it's time to start getting rid of things, time to make sure the plan is ready, etc. And I'M not ready. And I don't need any of this on top of trying to find a job.

I just went through a whole thing this week with Medi-Cal and Covered California. A few weeks ago I got a letter from Covered California saying my insurance was being canceled on Jan 1 because I qualified for Medi-Cal. I went onto my account and saw that my listed income had dropped precipitously (not that it was that high to begin with since the pandemic). I called them and it turned out that my weekly income was for some reason now being listed as monthly, so we fixed it and I thought that was the end of it.

Got another letter from them on Monday saying I was in medi-Cal. Called again, was told to call Medi-Cal. Spent two days trying to get ahold of them, had to send in proof of income (which I did immediately) and was then told it would take at least two weeks to fix, two weeks I don't have because the end of the year is rapidly approaching.

Why is this an issue, you may wonder? Well, if you're currently being treated for cancer, having Medi-Cal is basically like having nothing. None of my current team takes medi-Cal so I would have to start completely over and find doctors who do, then wait to find an open slot, etc. etc. To the point- there was no way I could go on medi-Cal (besides the point that I don't actually qualify for it).

So I called Covered Cal back, begged them to see what could be done and they put an escalation on it. Got a call this morning that it was being restored and I should see it reflected in 1-2 days, but that they would call me when it is. So on top of everything else, I'm tense waiting for that to actually go through where I can see it with my own eyes.

Meanwhile, I have to beg my boss at my part time job to pay me the paltry sum he does. He now pays me through PayPal so his wife can't see the money that's going out of the account and freak out, which makes no sense to me- I work at his home. She sees me every time I'm there and is aware I work for him. He always "forgets" to put money in PayPal so I have to constantly be humiliated to remind him to pay me. And I do their books. Trust me, they are NOT hurting, which makes it even more humiliating.

If I get bad news in the next couple weeks, I think I'm going to explore what my options are re: the Death With Dignity laws in California and move towards that. I am not sure I see any point in prolonging this. I don't have a sustainable income anymore, I have no family, I likely won't have a place to live in a few months if I don't have a job, and for what? So I can linger on a few extra months? I tried very had to outrun things, I really did, and I just couldn't do it.

I'm sorry for laying that all on strangers. The good news is we are strangers, so it's not really anyone's problem but my own. But it helped to put my feelings to words, so I thank you all for that.

I totally get that terrible aggravation of Covered California - Med cal - the terrible feeling that you are poor and have to PROVE that you are poor - but then prove if you aren’t working that you are looking for work - that you are doing better but if you get too much better you don’t qualify. I am having nightmares with dental work - I am trying to get it done at a dental school but have to wait six weeks to see if they will take me. I am keeping pain at bay. The dentist told me to sign up for medi cal - I just don’t know. - but she was kind of snotty about it. If I was trying to navigate cancer treatment - I can’t imagine. …. I hope that you can get an answer out of Covered California tomorrow so you aren’t left hanging over Christmas weekend. …… the wife and the Pay Pal payments - ugh - that is crummy. …. Wow - yes - it is pouring out.

Dear OP. You are going through so much. JFC. I am relieved you have this spot to talk about it all. It is true that sometimes "strangers" make the best listeners. I hope the Covered California people made the phone call you were waiting on. It is truly the hardest time of year to get anything done no matter how simple. I suggest looking up information on the Death with Dignity laws now instead of waiting. Not that I'm trying to shuffle you off this mortal coil sooner than later, god no, but it might give you a project that you can sink your teeth into while Raleigh sinks his teeth into you. Doing it now while you are still very much "with it" is also a good idea because apparently the process of applying for it is a bit of a tangled slog. You can take your frustration out on getting that sorted WELL before you need it. An acquaintance of mine did this, he was worried it would depress him but he actually feels great relief that all is in order, and there will be no last minute bullshit surprises.

I'd like to punch your boss in the face, I'll just leave that there. He is the one who should feel humiliated.

Be a shamelessly squeaky wheel in all of these issues you are facing. Squeak your ass off. Let the chonkster have the treadmill.

Besos, scritches and squeaks.

*squeak, squeak*

I did look into it and apparently, I have to have a formal diagnosis of less than 6 months to live, so nothing I can do about it at this particular moment. I'll have to see what the next few weeks bring me in terms of further tests and diagnoses.

Yes, thankfully, Covered California has come through. I checked my status yesterday morning after not hearing back from them Friday and it definitely says on my CC account that I have been restored. Just to be sure, I went onto my Blue Shield account, and they have my bill ready for Jan 1, 2024.

I am at least relieved that I've lost weight in the past couple days. I have not been super hungry at all, so I've been eating much less, but not been losing any weight. I got on the scale this morning and had lost 3 lbs in the past 2 days. It's not that I'm trying to starve myself or anything, I just have this image of a gigantic tumor in my stomach getting larger every day.

I'm trying to make some kind of sense of all this, why the number keeps going up, why nothing is coming up on the scans we did just 2 months ago. Is it more cancer? Is it an ulcer? Is it a diabetic issue? (I don't have diabetes, but I have noticed my glucose levels have been a little high the past two blood draws. I just ordered a glucose meter to check it out on my own.)

Hi OP , Raleigh , Hi Everybody -

I hope that this Christmas Day can bring you hope and some peace and even in the middle of all of the uncertainty - a little joy. Merry Christmas!

Scheduled my CT scans. Next Tuesday. I was hoping for this week, but I would have been shocked if they'd had an opening. oh well.

That wait must feel like an eternity. Have you had that full feeling? Is your weight staying down?

I've been eating a LOT less. Since Wednesday, I've been averaging about 900 calories per day (I use a tracker) and I've lost 4 lbs since Saturday, which is when I started weighing again.

I think I also need to see my surgical ophthalmologist and/or the surgeon who performed the tumor removal from my skull. I've been having pressure/weakness feeling at the surgical site for a couple months. It comes and goes, but has come back. It's one of the reasons we also did a follow up MRI in November (which was clear). But the past couple weeks, every time I sleep on my left (tumor) side, I wake up and te vision in my left eye is dark and cloudy and takes about a half hour to really come back to normal. It's also come and gone over the year or so since I had my surgery, but I feel like it should be getting better, not happening more frequently 16 months post-surgery. I sent a message to my surgeon and I'll call the eye guy tomorrow to make an appointment.

I had a nice, short visit from a friend today who brought me a little Christmas gift. Raleigh was fascinated by her, as we don't get many visitors, but she's allergic to cats, so he couldn't get a whole lotta love from her, even though she rubbed him with her foot. He's irresistible.

That is so wonderful that Raleigh is such a wonderful boy. I’m glad you were able to have a nice visits with your friend, it’s a shame sh is allergic. She couldn’t get a “Full Raleigh!” …… 900 calories a day! Are you struggling to keep the calories that low? I know for me if I keep the calories that low for a few days my appetite goes away - but that has been a long time ago. It has been a kind of melancholy month and a melancholy Christmas.Not bad just a tad blue. Unexpected bills and my mom didn’t know who I was for a while this morning. Neither one is unusual. ……. hey Op I am sorry about your eye. How is your scalp doing?

OP if you want to fight this disease you cannot be restricting food and acting like an anorexic teenage girl.

[quote] 900 calories a day! Are you struggling to keep the calories that low? I know for me if I keep the calories that low for a few days my appetite goes away - but that has been a long time ago.

No, it hasn't been a struggle because I'm not hungry. I still have the pain and the feeling of fullness. The only thing keeping the feeling of fullness somewhat at bay is eating less, but also, I don't feel hungry as much. I have to be very careful how much I eat or it feels like I'm carrying around a cannonball in my stomach. (But it doesn't look distended.)

You are - I would guess - except for sweet Raleigh - alone a lot of the time. That can lead to so much eating that you don’t even realize. I think I would be shocked and bummed at how quickly I could down 900 calories! I am glad that feeling of fullness is lessening for you - I hope that you can keep comfortable this weekend.

Hi OP, Raleigh and DL friends - I hope everyone is enjoying their New Year’s Eve (watching a Succession marathon here) ….. and Have a Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to everyone here in our little corner of the DL! May it be filled with happy surprises, health, contentment, and prosperity. Besos, scritches, and hugs all around!

Hapy New Year, all. Hoping for a better one! Love to everyone.

Hey OP - Good Luck Tomorrow! We’re all rooting for you!!

Thanks. Things have not been good today. Pain has gotten worse and more constant and other than breakfast, I didn't eat the whole day. I managed to choke down a yogurt tonight so I could take my chemo, but honestly, if I didn't have to take it 2x a day, I'm not sure I'd be eating at all. I sent a message to my oncologist tonight to see if my worsening symptoms changed anything he might want to do. I am very concerned it might be an enlarged spleen (because I have the three biggest symptoms of it- upper left abdominal pain, feeling of fullness and low red blood cell count), but I cannot imagine what would have caused it. The chemo I was doing at the beginning of the year til May could possibly cause it, but not the stuff I'm on now.

About to leave for the scans. My oncologist messaged me this morning. He wants to put me on pain pills (Norco) but I declined. As I've mentioned before, opioids do nothing for me. He also said he's thinking about switching my chemo, which has me feeling very down for a few reasons. One- it would mean being tethered to a machine again every two weeks, and two- these are last resort drugs from what I can see.

Hi OP - how did it go? I don’t blame you on the Norco - I know even though it helps some people., other people can get really emotional and out of it on it. Your anxiety levebel must be a 15. Did the doctor have anything promising to say?

Thinking of you OP. Echoing what r167 said.

Got the results (but have not talked to my doctor about them yet). From what I can tell, no new cancer, and all organs are normal sized, so no enlarged spleen. There are three tiny nodes in the upper lobe of my left lung and a small cyst on my left kidney that I want to ask him about.

I reached out to my doctor today and asked if we should do an endoscopy.

Of course, we still have no idea why my signatera numbers keep climbing. So I don't know what to think.

OP, I am saddened that you are having so many physical issues. I hope the best for you and Raleigh; getting more positive news from your doctor would be wonderful.

Hi OP - Just a wave hello and hoping that you and Raleigh are having a peaceful weekend. I know I have been feeling a bit down lately and I have been trying to shake it off. ….. It’s a “Sopranos” weekend on HBO and doing laundry in the bathtub - the washer flooded out again and the laundromat was packed. ….…. Off to make chicken stew ….. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

More bad news, I'm afraid. My newest Signatera number has nearly doubled from last month. I'm pretty beside myself with worry at this point. If this is it, then I wish someone would just say- Look, it's over. Because I can't take the stress anymore.

OP, how horribly frustrating and scary this sounds. Is it at all possible to see a completely different doctor about this? I'm wondering if they might see something your current doctor is missing. That is indeed quite a jump and of course you are stressed to the gills. Forgive me for saying this, and I could be reading in, but your current doctor doesn't seem exactly ferociously curious and dedicated to figuring out what the fuck is going on. You are sort of being left to dangle with a shrug.

I've been scanned to the teeth with him recently. Since late October, and the beginning of the really bad climb of the numbers, I've had a PET scan, a brain MRI, a pelvic MRI, and a CT on my chest, abdomen and pelvis, all of which have shown nothing new. He wants to change my chemo regimen to one that is pretty much "last ditch attempt" which we will be discussing tomorrow. I have also asked that, when they do blood tests on me on my infusion days (every three weeks, separate from the Signatera test) they run a CEA test, which is another tumor marker test. They should be doing it regularly, and they aren't (I think because they are relying on the Signatera). The last time they did one around the same time, my CEA was 1.0 and my Signatera was 273 (the exact numbers are not comparable, but a normal, non cancer CEA is 0.5 or lower. A normal Signatera is 5.)

I'd like to believe there's something else causing the Signatera number to continue to climb that is non-cancerous, but I cannot find anything online. I'm to the point where I'm ready to just refuse the test anymore because all it's doing is stressing me out.

Hi OP - I have to agree with #173 - I don’t think that this doctor has been a good match for you - he has let too much time go by - he has left you with too much stress and too many questions. I googled “increased signatura numbers without cancer” - Op - it does leave some hope. I am so terribly sorry for this awful turn of events - but hang on if you can. I know it would be difficult with your insurance - I hope you can find another doctor. ….. We are all here for you for what that is worth,

I hope you get some clear answers and some peaceful, relaxing time with Raleigh before you have to make any further decisions about more diagnostics and treatment. Second opinions are always useful. Please think on this option.

Take care and all of my best. We definitely are here for you!

Went to my GP today. He thinks the stomach issues are some sort of gastro-intestinal paralysis, but he's not sure why. So I have an appt with a gastro dr. at the end of January and they will probably run some scopes and tests. In the meantime, my GP made some suggestions about how to eat, and to try an antacid for 2 weeks to see what happens. He said the gastro would probably prescribe it, so i may as well get the jump on him and if it doesn't work, we've saved time.

Hi Op! That still sounds stressful and painful - BUT it does sounds a little more promising! I hope you are feeling a little better. Did the Dr think that was messing up your numbers?

He couldn't say because it's not his area and he's not super familiar with the Signatera. But I will talk to the oncologist in the morning.

Hey OP, just checking in and hope all is well.

Hi OP, thinking about you and Raleigh on this rainy night in the Bay Area. I hope you've been able to get a bit of snuggle on. Beaming coziness your way. Besos and scritches.

Hey all-

Chemo yesterday and I came home and was so tired, I was passing out on the couch at 6pm. FInally dragged myself to bed at 8pm and slept til 9am.

Had a lengthy talk w/ my oncologist, and a friend accompanied me. He is perfectly willing to see what's going on with the numbers, because he, too, is baffled as to why the Signatera is rising and everything else is clean. He also told me there is no reason for me to "start getting my affairs in order." He said that some cancer hospitals don't use Signatera because it's so new, and that he is not fully relying on it, he just wants to have all the information available to us and be as pro-active as possible.

I am seeing a GI doctor later in the month, and then we will likely be doing some tests to see what's going on there. He doesn't think it's cancer-related (nor does my GP) but he wants to get all the information. Once we see the results of that test, then he will make a decision as whether or not to change my chemo regimen. He also told me that the drugs he mentioned are not "last chance" medications, and we have many options open to us. He definitely made me feel better and made me feel like I'm not about to wave adios to everyone. I have so much stress in my life right now, that I cannot tell you all what a relief it was to hear that. And this is not a guy who likes to put a happy face on things. He's not negative, he's just no bullshit. My friend who has been with me, gathering info since cancer #1 and has been to multiple appointments and various doctors felt good about him, as well.

Also got blood work yesterday and asked to have a CEA (which is another tumor marker test). I believe I mistakenly wrote earlier that their norm is 0.5. It's actually 3 or lower. My CEA yesterday was 1.7. When I had it done in early Nov, it was 1.0. Now that's a big discrepancy with my Signatera number (even though they are NOT on the same scale) which has been going up and up and since Oct, has gone from 270 to 697. This doesn't mean I am not concerned about the Signatera number, but if we were to take all four tests- the scans, a regular blood test, the CEA and the Signatera, and only one of the four was showing something, then I feel like we proceed with caution, and in the meantime, I am going to see if I can find any doctors with more knowledge and experience in the Signatera tests and results and perhaps have a consult.

Poor Raleigh has been lonely. I slept 13 hours last night and then went in for a 5 hour nap this afternoon. He was crying at my bedroom door and rambunctious as hell when I got up. I was trying to exercise him last night using the laser mouse and I left it on the couch. It has now disappeared. : )

I'll tell you the one good thing about this stomach ailment- it's keeping me from the cookies! I have been tempted so many times to get sweets and I take one breath and it feels like I have a bowling ball in my belly and I am immediately uninterested.

Oh, I forgot. Raleigh's birthday is tomorrow (Sunday). I think. The shelter told me he was 6 years and change when I adopted him last April, and the paperwork said he was born in Jan 2017 (which seems odd, but as someone who follows lots of cat IG accounts, I can't say winter births are impossible). So when I got him, I designated his birthday as Jan 14th. He is going to gets lots of Churus and snacks and maybe even some deli turkey.

Thanks for the update, OP! At least the news si semi-positive. Having a doctor you feel comfortable with and trust is definitely important. I hope your fatigue recedes quickly so you can spend more quality time with Raleigh and enjoy life.

Happy birthday, Raleigh!!

That is really great news!!! Yipee! Isn’t wonderful to get much needed sleep and not be filled with dread? I know this has been such a strain - so glad that you had a promising update. …….. Sunny sends Raleigh the Happiest Cat Birthday Greetings!

Another rainy night thinking of you and Raleigh OP. I promise this isn't me hinting for a new Raleigh snap. I swear. Truly. Honestly.

R186 - 186 - You are a mind reader! On this rainy Saturday evening I have been cleaning the oven ( my mom melted yet another plastic container - serenity now! ) and I when I settled down I wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing this week. ….. OP I hope you had a less stressful week than the several before it. I hope that you and Raleigh are enjoying the rain.

'I have so much stress in my life right now, that I cannot tell you all what a relief it was to hear that. '

The stress plus your relentless paranoia about putting on weight is probably causing the stomach issues. You do present as having an eating disorder with all this obsessing over calories when you have Stage 4 cancer.

I don't have an eating disorder. I have gastroparesis, which is paralysis of the digestive system.

I've tried to not let comments get to me on here through the two threads (and there have been only a handful that have been negative), but you don't know me and you're not helping.

'I don't have an eating disorder. I have gastroparesis, which is paralysis of the digestive system.'

Rabbits get this (it's called stasis for them) and it can kill them in 24 hours. Have you been given any gut motility meds, OP?

I'm seeing a gastro doctor on Thursday. Things are moving, but they are moving very very slowly, which is why I'm not eating much.

I think that OP is a smart grown up who has been through this cancer for years at this point. I think that he is trying not to “ feed” the situation with sugar - I think that he is trying to do over what is causing some of his symptoms. …. I got turned away from the dental school that was going to work on me yesterday - my blood pressure was was 171 / 92 and 162 / 110 on the next reading - I was floored I have always had low blood pressure …… Good luck at the Gastro on Thursday, OP

Hey All. Just got back from the gastro. They concur that it's likely gastroparesis, but they want to look inside just to be sure. I am getting an endoscopy and colonoscopy on the same day. Unfortunately, it won't be happening for a month because of my chemo schedule, but I will put up with it. I'm just happy we have something booked.

Wow - I’m so glad that you got that done and you have a better idea of what is happening. It sounds painful - but I am so glad that it isn’t part of a spiral like you were fearing a few weeks ago. Thank you for letting us know. Goodnight to Raliegh!!

Sounds like good news, r193! Wishing you well, I’m sure it’s a tough road, but luckily you have a great companion in Raleigh.

Happy Friday! I hope that all is well. Lots of rain on the way here in L.A. Good sleeping weather. Hello to handsome Raliegh.

A little Raleigh for your pleasure.

He is GORGEOUS! ! What a contented guy. Look at those little pink toes!!!

Thank you, OP! Was hoping for a Raleigh fix. This might sound odd, but he looks like he smells really good. Something along the lines of a combination of post-bath coziness, a jacket recently worn in the rain and a weekend nap.

Speaking of rain, I hope you guys are snuggled up safe. We are getting hit pretty hard in the SF Bay Area and I hear it's hammering down your way as well.

Besos, scritches and towels warm from the dryer.

Hahaha. Other than his tuna breath, he does smell nice. And I've recently discovered he is intrigued by the concept of tummy raspberries. I tried it on him once and he sat there with a sort of- "Hmm, that's- that's... okay, yeah. You can." expression on his face,

Ohhhh, best to you in SF! We had a decent two days, but I know the bad part is coming today and staying through Tuesday. I expect to lose power a few times. Our building has horrible wiring and even if we have medium to heavy wind, we lose it.

Trying to keep everything charged up just in case.

xxo

Hi - Checking in on one more Saturday night. Did everyone survive the rain? …. I think I was alone too much - both my mom and Sunny seemed to age this week. Still worried about the future and present. But I can’t complain (I know - I just did ) we are all here , happy and alive. Hey OP - I hope that your stomach has been kind to you and you aren’t experiencing pain. Give a big hug and kiss to precious Raliegh.

You can complain any time you want. I'll listen. Doing okay. Stomach issue is still going on. Have my pre-op tests on Monday and then both procedures on the 29th. Thanks for asking.

Got to see my pal from here, MrE, this week after a while, and that was a real joy! But I walked uphill to where we were meeting and boy, did that really highlight just how out of shape I am. I think starting Monday, I'm going to make that walk once a day to see if it can help condition me a bit.

Hi OP. It is pretty gorgeous outside today in LA - how fun to have a good face to face visit with Mr E. More excercise wouldn’t hurt any of us! … I hope that your upcoming tests and procedures are going to at least be tolerable / you have been through too much for too long now. …… I am stuck in a spiral of worry and anxiety that I haven’t been able to pull out of - I am a very optimistic person but the financial pressure and my mom’s health are heavy on me. I’ll snap out of it but it is hard while I am “in it.” This too shall pass. A good friend was sort of very crummy to me this week - or at least I took it that way so it just compounded things. Well it is so pretty out I am going to take a good brisk walk and “shake off the dust.” ….. Have a Good week everybody! Hi Raliegh!!

Hi Op & Raliegh and friends here - stay warm and dry this week!

Hi all! Another stormy day. Hope everyone is cozily hunkered down so they can enjoy it. I am looking for any recommendations for a good book or show. I like things on the campy side--certainly not mandatory-- though I do like finding out what folks enjoy for guilty pleasures. Besos, scritches and hugs!

R205 - Hi! Ok - if you have Hulu - if you would like a low brow (although Angela Bassett would beg to differ) if you haven’t tried it - Ryan Murphy’s “911” - Peter Krause, Angela Bassett , Connie Britton etc plus great LA locations. the short first season isn’t great but the show is NICE. And sort of comfort foody for a rainy week. - I love Mad Men, Sopranos, Homeland. - but 911 is just sort of campy fun.

Swarm is a wicked satire on the "Beyhive". It's a shame the lead actress didn't get nominated for an Emmy. On Amazon.

I like the lead actress in Swarm, but I have not yet watched it.

Hi OP - You have a big week full of tests and procedures coming up - sending prayers and good energy your way!!

Hey all. Just popping in to say hello. Procedures are Thursday, so tomorrow I start bowel prep (fun!). My guess is they are not going to find anything, which means we will have to do another test for the gastroparesis. These two procedures this week are to rule other things out. But I'll let you know by Friday what they said.

Sending positive vibes OP. Hope the bowl prep is going, um, swimmingly, and that you have a good book to read while you are strapped to the can.

I just drank the first bottle of solution and, holy fuck, it was worse than I remembered. God, I could barely choke it down. I can't face having to do another one in the morning. Blech. Now I'm trying to drink two 16oz bottles of water over the next hour.

And then I'll crack open Barbra's book.

That sounds awful - the drink - not Barbra! Barbra is a fun if not long read. Hope you and Raleigh have a good night. good luck tomorrow!

Results for the colonoscopy were clean. The endoscopy showed a small hiatal hernia, signs of gastritis and one more thing which I forget, and my report is all the way across the room and Raleigh and I are tucked in too tight for me to get up and get it. Had a weird experience going to the bathroom tonight, and I will talk to the surgical center about it when they call tomorrow (unless it repeats). Also the lymph nodes in my neck are a little swollen and I'm cold. (We have the heat on and are cuddled under a blanket.

I probably won't talk to the GI doc until next week, but I will call their office tomorrow to make sure we have something on the books.

May not know much for a week.

xxo

Glad you are home safe and snuggled with Sir Chonk. Happy nesting.

Besos and scritches

Hi OP, Raliegh & everybody. Another Saturday - time flies. I hope that everyone is feeling well and happy. OP - I hope that your gastritis is at bay and your appts haven’t been too stressful and you are enjoying yourself a bit. ….. My mom thought that she had a stroke on Wednesday. The arthroscopic in her legs is so bad that she can barely walk. I raced her to urgent care - she was charming and lucid and other than being 87 and barely able to walk they said she was fine and sent us home. She has seemed to get worse each day since then. Little Sunny is starting to get skinny again. His appetite is good and we are still doing the Sub Q fluids - I hope I am just being a worrier….. I am trying to catch up a little before the Oscars tomorrow. I watched Killers of the Flower Moon yesterday and Oppenheimer this morning. I want to watch The Holdovers or Anatomy of a Fall tonight but I have a feeling I will fall asleep sooner than later with King of Queens on a loop in the background. ….. Does anybody have any Oscar favorites this year?

R216, nice to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Have you followed up with her reg doctors? Those urgent care places are sometimes iffy. I hope she'll be okay.

Don't worry about Sunny. Rufus got thinner as things progressed, but it didn't mean it was near the end or anything.

Please keep me posted on both.

Hi OP - Thank you for the good word about Rufus! Sunny has been such a little champ with all of this but has started really “using his box” more than his usual and feels even more delicate. It’s good to know it isn’t necessarily taking a bad turn. His very serious depressing soulful handsome vet wants him to come in for bloodwork - I just can’t do it right now - things are just too tight. …. The landlords want to come out AGAiN this week to check room to room and under the house for any repairs or plumbing issues. Grr - they were here in November! I’ll put the tvs on 7 today for the Oscars red carpet and do a fast clean all over - have misplaced the vacuum charger cord. My mom loves watching the Oscar stuff - even if she can’t remember who anyone is. …. ramble ramble. it is a beautiful day outside - you and sweet Raliegh have a Happy week!

Hi OP, Hi Raliegh! Hi Guys!

Happy Saturday Night! Just checking in and hope that everyone is well. Well - it was time to order Sunny’s food and Blood pressure medication on Chewy. The Vet’s office called and said the Dr would not authorize a refill without bringing Sunny in for an office visit, full blood panel and blood pressure test - so grumble, grumble and $300 later I went to see the very serious, depressing soulful handsome vet. All very good news Whew! Sunny’s blood pressure was normal on his meds. He has NOT lost weight like I had thought that he had. All of his bloodwork had improved and the Dr told me to stop giving Sunny Sub Q fluids for the time being so if/when he needs them later they will pack a better punch. It turned out to be a really good visit. …. The Dr didn’t ask me to join him and run off to Hawaii to begin a new life - ha, ha - otherwise it was a very good day.

I hope all is well!

Oh my gosh, that's great news! Yeah, those vet visits can add up, but it sounds like it really worked out all around. So happy to hear.

Apologies for not having posted more. I have been extremely down lately and feeling very negative and I have a lot of thoughts of death swirling around my head. I've stopped going to my support group because I don't want to infect them with it. No one who is fighting to stay alive through cancer wants to listen to someone talk about giving up.

I am hoping to push through it, but I just don't know. Honestly, the thing most keeping me around is looking at my apartment and knowing I would need to pack everything up and get rid of it so it's not a burden on my friends, and I just don't have the energy to do that.

I am so sorry OP!! have you gotten new information that you haven’t mentioned or is it the tick tick tick of time going by that is wearing you out? I have to tell you I thank God for Sunny’s good news because I have felt very dark thoughts creeping up on me the last few weeks and I have been feeling thoughts of an exit. That isn’t like me but I am startled by how bleak I have felt. So much is financial - my mother is sliding to another place and yesterday made an odd suggestion of ending things - ME ending myself - it was like having Mrs Danvers in Rebecca whispering over my shoulder. I shook it off right away but I understand the solitude and the mental worry loop can be oppressive. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be worrying about your cancer returning - it must be torture . Has your gastritis eased up? ….. OP thank you for the continued kindness and curiosity that you have shown me - give Raliegh a big kiss - I hope today can bring some happiness!

Ps Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!

Dear OP, as a fellow man with thoughts of death swirling around my own head as you put it so well, I want to encourage you to get back to your support group. I know what you mean by not wanting to "infect" them with your thoughts, but please trust and believe it doesn't work that way.

When I hear someone telling me what mental and physical state they are in, or are feeling that they are in, no matter how dark-- it actually helps me pull up my socks to be stronger, or it helps me to relax into my own state of being. It is like, wow, not just me then? IT HELPS NOT HINDERS! Please do reconsider going back. If even only one person there gets a boost from knowing they aren't alone, you have done magic for them. Personally, I can confirm.

One other thing, try not to pile on your noggin thoughts such as needing to clean out the apartment. Like my daddy used to say, California could fall off into the ocean at any time, so live in the now and not in the what if. (Yes, he was not much fun at parties, but he had a good point.) Anyway, once again, please rethink about going back to your group. If you want to start fresh, and you feel that would help, find another one. Besos and scritches.

Raleigh needs you OP! The poopy nugget won't be the same without you.

OP, just giving you a big old hug and kiss.

Hi - I missed my usual Saturday night stop here to say “Hi.” So - Hi! …. OP - I hope this week was a little better than the previous one. I am sorry that that the worries are so heavy. If you need anything OR nothing, please let us know. ……., have been so worried about my mom her decline, the landlords, money, work and future - I hesitate talking to people. I dread the “Well, HOW did it get that way?” Or “What is your plan of action?” It is easier not to talk. So anyway OP and Raliegh - rain is on the way and enjoy the day!

Folks, I think this is going to be my final post in here. I've been having increasingly more pain the past couple weeks, and my Signatera numbers have been going through the roof. And a couple days ago, I started having back pain that I instantly recognized as soon as it began because I've felt it before. It's very distinct and it can only be bone metastasis pain.

We had scheduled a PET scan for today when the blood test numbers shot up and I just got the results. If I was in better health, I'd hang my shingle out as an oncologist because I was 100% correct. Everything is growing again like a Spring garden and there are new bone lesions, as well.

I haven't yet spoken to the doctor because they haven't yet seen the report, but I know what's coming, and it's going to be horribly invasive chemo that reduces the quality of life for maybe another year? I have no reason to stick around for that. I have so many things wrong with me right now that I'd been contemplating this even before the back pain started, but this just seals it.

I'm going to actively pursue assisted suicide after talking with my doctors this week. It's not going to be overnight, but my hope is that by summer I can get approved. This isn't something I've decided lightly, but a choice that I have had in the back of my mind since the cancer came back a year and a half ago. So I am going into it quite clear eyed and sure.

I don't see any reason to keep posting here about this. I don't need to make others miserable. I do want to say how much I've appreciated everyone's company, well wishes, concern and affection. (And yes, I have a plan for Raleigh when the time comes.)

Thank you for being there.

OP, your strength and courage, your sharing all the ups and downs of your treatments has made a major difference in my life. And I think for a number of others as well.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and decided to jump into treatment with all I had. After the surgery, I wasn't able to tolerate the drug therapy after switching between four of them. I'm still NED, no evidence of disease, and will just keep plodding along and look for some more good years.

Please consider continuing here and give us a chance to give back to you. Otherwise, extra hugs for you and Raleigh, plus pleasant journey to the other side.

Love and kind wishes to you and Raleigh, OP.

Op - so much love and good wishes to you and sweet Raleigh. Thank you for sharing yourself and your life this last year and a half. I know what a hard fight this has been. It is so sad and not only will you be missed - I will always remember you. I don’t have anything to say that wouldn’t be hokey. If you and your little guy ever need anything ….

Sincere hugs and kisses to you and Raleigh OP

Dearest OP and Raleigh, sending both of you much love. If you want to tap out of this thread that is obviously your choice. I encourage you to keep us around in case you are having a hard night or hard day. You have vibed how this was going to go for you for some time now, and so far you have been pretty much on the nose. It makes me both sad and impressed that you are taking full charge of how you want your destiny to play out.

I get the sense you want to do this all on your own, privately, and I respect that. Not meaning to speak for the other folks here but I hope you know that while we aren't literally with you, we are fully with you in spirit. We want the best, most easy way for you to feel as long as you are able, up until the time you can't any more, and even beyond. I have great respect for you. Please know that you and your furry sidekick have made a lovely place in our hearts. Besos and scritches forever and always.

PS. I'm still going to check in from time to time so you might want to block me now. :)

Wishing everyone a Happy Easter!

Anyone possibly indirect contact with OP and Raleigh?

He's okay but not great, r234, been in contact with him this week. He's going to go through a chemo round on Monday.

Mr E - thank you for the update. Thank you for keeping contact. Sending OP and Raleigh good wishes and prayers. best thoughts to everyone here. Happy Eclipsing to all.

All of my best to OP, and I hope he can remain comfortable for much longer, staying with Raleigh. Thank you for the update, Mr. E.

Y'all stay safe and don't forget to wear protective glasses if you're out eclipsing!

R235 Thanks so much MrE for always being there when one of us sends up the "Bat Signal" (Cat Signal?). It is a comfort. You are a true mensch.

You're welcome everyone. I've introduced him to some of my dear friends because I felt he really needed a gay family to support him right now. They really like him and have offered help.

That is so good to know - thank you Mr E. - you are a good man. OP and Raleigh are so dear - I am glad they are surrounded by warm supportive people. It is difficult to go through sad stressful times alone.

r240, ever since our DL patron saint Brian Nash died-that tore my heart out, I didn't want to see the same situation happen to OP.

I can't find the first thread, but here is #2 of 4 for Brian Nash:

Thank you for the link!

Oh crap, sorry Sunny & Co, that is the thread for our other DL Patron Saint, Mark. That is his husband Joe that is telling us the bad news.

Let me try again- and I found the original!

R244, the husband was Mark, Joe is the DLer who passed away.

R240 - Mr E - Thank you for the Brian Nash link - it is so moving and inspiring - he seemed so lovely.a real mensch - what a heartbreak! I also looked up his art. That thread and his art would actually make a great book!

[quote] I don't see any reason to keep posting here about this. I don't need to make others miserable.

Isn’t that the whole point of posting here? Or are WE supposed to make YOU miserable? I’m confused.

Hi OP and Raleigh. Sending you a fresh supply of cozy thoughts. Besos and scritches

Hello OP & Raleigh and friends - Another Saturday night and I hope that everyone is well or contented. I enjoyed a rare afternoon out today - nice neighbor kept an eye on my mom. I saw the matinee of Funny Girl at the Ahmanson - loved it . Just wanted to say hello and send good thoughts your way.

Hi guys. It is starting to drizzle over here in the SF Bay Area and it always makes me think of OP, Sir Chonks and the gang here. I hope everyone is in a good headspace, and if you aren't and want a chat, I'm never too far away. Dinner is steamy, juicy and fatty carnitas with a massive amount of Pico de Gallo and corn tortillas. I also have a monster chile relleno on the side. Plenty of chips and 3 kinds of hot salsa too. Fucking fabulous. Why yes I AM a fat whore, and a rejoicing one at that!

Cozy thoughts to all. *burp* Ahhhhhh...