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DL Wit & Wisdom


RE: Christian Bale 'flew off the handle after family begged for $200,000 (£100k)

"Though Jenny Bale - who formerly worked as a circus clown and now is a reflexologist"

Big floppy shoes and Kinoki Foot Pads ain't cheap, you know.

-- Anonymous


RE: Obama to Avoid Speaking German

I hear McCain has announced he is going to speak in Vienna since that is the capital of the Austria-Hungarian Empire and then hopes to meet with the Czar in Russia. He is not to be outdone by that youngster Obama.

-- Anonymous


RE: What do Americans with no health insurance do when they get cancer

The general consensus among Americans is that people shouldn't get diseases they can't afford.

-- Anonymous


RE: What's the lesbian equivalent of "Mary!"

"That's Not Funny".

-- Anonymous


RE: Christian Bale is Arrested

Probably got tired of hearing them say how wonderful Heath is in the movie.

-- Anonymous


RE: I wish this was MY coach when I was eight

"This teacher should have been more circumspect. "

So he was uncut? Obviously not Jewish because they get circumspected as infants. I think they call the cerimony a brisket.

-- Son of Emily Litella


RE: Why the hell doesn't Batman just kill people

Honey, stop worrying about this and come to bed.

-- Laura Bush


RE: Office Bromance

Yes, OP, they call it a bromance, and when they're together these straight friends often enjoy what's called brojobs, brimming, and branal.

-- Anonymous


RE: Last night

"I drank bourbon and fell down. I cut my hand, skinned my knee and broke my sunglasses. Now my head hurts. I'm too old for this!"

And, yet, somehow still leader of the Free World.

-- Anonymous


RE: Who will be the next "Batman" villain?

Noodles, a mumu-wearing obese queen who zooms around Gotham on his Noodlemobile, zapping the virility out of men with his pervcam.

-- Anonymous


RE: Entertainment Weekly's top 30 actors under 30

Why isn't Heath Ledger in the list?

Because he's not under thirty, he's under six.

-- Anonymous


RE: No Blacks, Mongolians Allowed at Beijing Bars

Well, that does it, I will NOT be going to the Olympics. Neither will Kubla or Chaka.

-- Genghis Khan


RE: Obama in Afghanastan. Pictures and Video

To think McCain is an expert on war because he was a POW is to think an inmate of 20 years is an expert on prison reform and should be warden.

-- Anonymous


RE: Guy, told me that I looked wanted to suck his cock.

Entry of the morning following a dinner party at the home of Sting and Trudy Styler, 1998, from the unpublished pages of Madonna's stream-of-consciousness dream journal.

-- Anonymous


RE: Guy, told me that I looked wanted to suck his cock.

Makes more sense when translated to Japanese and back to English.

"The person who said to thing me whom I saw thought that male it is we would like to inhale the chicken."

-- The Japanese and Back to English Translation Troll


RE: I cried after seeing Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"

I'm just flashing onto an image of the OP leaving the theater, sobbing, holding a lace-trimmed hanky to his eyes and moaning, "So young... so young..." as the teenagers also leaving the theater with him stare at him in surprise.

-- Anonymous


RE: Detroit Gay Bars

Somehow, I expected more from a place called "Motown".

-- Prodigal (authenticated)


RE: Marc Jacobs mistaken for a homeless person

A nice break from when he is usually mistaken for a designer

-- Tom Ford


RE: when dropping someone off at their home via car...

Of course this is what should be done. Memo to queens: If the person you are droppign off suddenly gets attacked, rather than sitting in the car screaming, get out of the car and hit the abductor with your purse, while screaming," You brute, you brute, your shoes don't match your belt!"

-- Anonymous


RE: Strange DL Monikers

I turned off the auto-complete function when my mother came to visit and my started a search for "fish market" and up popped "fisting top."

-- Anonymous


RE: Hearing-impaired woman sues McDonald's

I read this headline as "Hearing-impaired woman sues Madonna," and thought she really has nothing to complain about.

-- Anonymous


RE: Post Your Unpopular Opinions

All babies look the same.
This is incorrect. There are two (2) baby looks. You either get a WC Fields or a Winston Churchill.

-- Anonymous


RE: Create Your Own Broadway Flop

Oy! Calcutta!

Tony Kushner's ground-breaking new musical recounts a weekend in the late 70s when Golda Meir and Mother Teresa hosted a "global retreat for women of peace" at the home of Indira Ghandi.

The musical score, in the style of a period rock opera likened to a modern "Tommy," is the creation of Duncan Sheik and Broadway newcomer Tori Amos.

Kushner's musings on the nature of women and power, a non-didactive folly of unmatched whimsy, just scream Tony.

As the three lead characters meditate on the weight of life as the world's most powerful women, Kushner weaves vingnettes and accompanying songs of other powerful women of the age, drawing on their examples to bolster his central thesis. Meir's "Damn, damn, Moshe Dayan" and Ghandi's "I Was Born A Nehru But A Little Girl Too" are highlights of the first act.

Audiences will be stunned to find that Mother Teresa remains mute throughout the show, communicating only in whispers and gestures to other characters.

Margaret Thatcher's "Dennis Doesn't ...

-- Anonymous


RE: Rotating apartments.

Jen-ga! Jen-ga!

-- Anonymous


RE: You just woke up from a 18-year-old coma.

George Bu$h is still in the fucking White House.

-- Anonymous


RE: How to get rid of PIGEONS

"I just said,'Walter, get out.' And he did."

-- Ruth


RE: CNN is reporting that Angelina's twins are conjoined.

Brad is pissed, but Angelina is thrilled. Now she has Cambodian, Ethiopian, Vietnamese, and Siamese children.

-- Anonymous


RE: What was your first PC when you first logged onto the internet?

As gay men, I'm surprised more of us didn't use our Wangs.

-- Anonymous


RE: Manhunt

"Adjust your cookie levels downwards"

Wise advise for many aspects of life.

-- Anonymous


RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tony Snow Dead

I'm not surprised!

-- Rosie O


RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tony Snow Dead

I was raised not to speak ill of the (freshly) dead.

-- So I'm doing an interpretive dance that involves lots of middle finger movement


RE: You're Opening a Gay Bar....

Tom's Cruise

-- Anonymous


RE: Someone Has a Severe Case of Senioritis

Back in the 70's, people wondered what Billy Carter would be like as President.

Now we know.

-- Anonymous


RE: Netroots feel jilted by Obama's FISA stand

I'm having post-partisan depression.

-- Brooke Shields


RE: My BF found out about my FB...

You can't have a BF and a FB. I'm not talking about any moral reasons. But having both is just plain greedy and not fair to the balance of the universe. It's like driving a humvee--you're hogging all the gas. Having a BF and a FB makes your global sexual footprint too big.

-- Anonymous


RE: Senate Backs Wiretap Bill to Shield Phone Companies

Obama's stance on FISA...Change you can believe in!

-- Anonymous


RE: If you were exiled to a shithole third world country, which would you chose and why?

The U.S.

-- Anonymous


RE: Sean Hayes

His face looks a little different.
Oh that's just his straight face. You're used to seeing his gay face.

-- Anonymous


RE: Top Florist

"Why hasn't Bravo done this yet?"

Because there has never been a florist who is a top.

-- Anonymous


RE: Whats the most fucked up thing your Mom ever said to you?

Liza! I took too many reds. Call an ambulance!!

-- Anonymous


RE: What a FREAK Show!

This is the perfect DL post. It's both funny and disgusting, the link works, and we're too appalled to insult each other.

-- Anonymous +


RE: Mamma Mia The Movie

This is like the 4th or 5th recent thread on Meryl Streep or Mamma Mia! For people who claim to not be interested, you obviously are -- ha.

Dear...

It's ABBA.

It's Meryl Streep.

It's Christine Baranski.

It's a goddamn MUSICAL.

Of COURSE Datalounge is interested.

In the straight world, the equivalent would be Kobe Bryant opening a Home Depot staffed by Hooters girls. With free Bud Light.

-- Anonymous


RE: God FAQ

GOD HATES FAQS!

-- Anonymous


RE: Actors You Can't Keep Straight in Your Head

Penelope Cruz is the duck lipped one. You can remember this because Cruz and duck both have four letters.

Salma Hayek has the fat ass. You can remember that because Salma, Hayek, fat and ass all have the letter "a" in them.

-- Anonymous


RE: Madonna furious with A-Rod and his wife

"Do we have a reliable source, yet?"

I'll spill for a carton of Gitanes & happy meal.

-- Lourdes


RE: I forgot to cover my chimney after winter

"and the chimney sweeps caused all sorts of bother, especially when the babies would fall dead onto the hearth."

This is the part that test audiences insisted be removed from Mary Poppins.

-- Anonymous


RE: What's the point of Scientology?

>>What problem of the human condition is Scientology supposed to rectify?<<

It's main goal is to relieve many over-paid empty headed celebrities of their burdensome millions!

-- Anonymous


RE: Cynthia Nixon and Hugh Jackman's unfortunate looking partners with them in Greece

Nixon's girlfriend looks like she slaps on the old spice and some clean socks as foreplay.

-- Anonymous


RE: Happy Fourth of July! JESSE HELMS DEAD

After all these years, it was thoughtful of him to finally do something good for America.

-- Torta


RE: American Gymnast Morgan Hamm tested positive for prohibited Substance!

Positive for what? Helium?

-- Anonymous