What Happens When A Bottom Dates A Bottom, Or A Top Dates A Top?
You can''t really ask the person before you go out with them what sexual position they are. What happens when you go home one night and you find out that your partner only practices the same sexual position as you? Has this happened to anyone? How do you tell a top from a bottom?\
I imagine a bottom getting on a bed first with his butt in the air, and another bottom looking over and having his dick go limp.\
What a mess.
There''s a lot of pretending by bottoms who are ashamed of being bottoms and instead need to masquerade as Men.
I''ve been having a three-way with two other bottoms and we''ve been using a tremendous thick triple-donged dildo for some simul-slide action.
I don''t understand why this is an issue.%0D\
Why would anyone completely and rigidly identify themselves with just one of many possible sexual activities?%0D\
Open the gay kama sutra some time, and expand your horizons.%0D\
We''re gay. We don''t need to lock ourselves into heterosexual / heterosexist roles. We can do and be whatever we want.%0D\
Perhaps they could switch around, to keep their sex life exciting
I''ve tried to top. I just can''t stay hard. It doesn''t turn me on. I don''t even like bottoming that much, but that''s sort of all I can do. So, I can''t really ever date a bottom.
Thank god I''m gorgeous.
What happens? They trade recipes.
They suck each other off. Better than anal.
why do I get the feeling this question was asked by a straight woman?
I like both. Sometimes I wanna f*ck, sometimes I wanna be f*cked. It depends on both my mood and the guy.
The universe explodes, so let''s be careful out there.
Most often Bottoms find out that their date was not actually versatile, but another lying bottom, so they gossip.\
Tops dating each other, is an internal problem. Tops should look for Bottoms like Cake looks for Icing. Some Tops don''t want the Femme Bottoms and that is an internal conflict. The mentally healthy top, quite enjoys Femme Bottoms and like wise.
R9, let''s be serious. This is a major problem. Oh lord, if only there was some way to communicate to the person with whom we are considering sharing our bodies with!
OP....they become sisters.
"You can''t really ask the person before you go out with them what sexual position they are."%0D\
I don''t think it''s too tacky. If nothing else just drop hints and see if you can read between the lines.%0D\
I agree people shoud be versatile. But my vast reseazch tells me: 60% total bottoms; 40% versatile tops.
"Why would anyone completely and rigidly identify themselves with just one of many possible sexual activities?"%0D\
Exactly this. I''m guessing a Baby Boomer created this thread.
It''s easy to avoid this situation. Just check for the placement of the handkerchief!
Real gay tops are in extremely short supply. This is why so many gay men lust after straight guys - they are tops by definition.
2 bottoms don''t make an anal.
There is a guy that I really liked, and he seemed to really like me. But when we got to the sex, it turned out we were both tops. He absolutely refused to consider being versatile and I was absolutely going to have to be the bottom. I was willing to be versatile, to try other things. He refused to bend. After about 3 more times together, I realized that I wasn''t going to be fully satisfied in the long run and he was not going to be satisfied with anything other than fucking me.
As a straight acting gay guy, I only prefer safer sex. Oral sex and messages, anything involving anal is a no go.
To those who can''t stay hard fucking, do you not enjoy the sensation? I mean, dick in warmth...
It is this kind of post that makes me think that gay relationships are a joke.\
If you really love an appreciate someone, you should be making every effort to be considerate to their sexual needs. Just as they should be towards yours.\
The labels we place on ourselves don''t make sense. If you cannot participate in sex for both partners benefit then you shouldn''t be in any relationship at all.
Somehow I think a straight person made this post.
Threads like these make me think there is a significant percentage of gay men on DL who have never had an actual relationship with another man.
When a bottom\
Meets a bottom\
Comin'' through the rye...
Gin a bottom meet a bottom \
Comin thro'' the rye, \
Gin a bottom kiss a bottom, \
Need a bottom cry?
What happens? Tears...recriminations...thrown tableware
I dislike anal sex so it''s always a surprise to me that some guys have to fuck. I don''t get it. Let''s suck, dammit.
Thank God I''m versatile.
Are you both bottoms? How did THAT happen? Thinking about giving up the relationship cause you just can''t get boned?\
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Hold on to your seats because you may think this is a stupid question. Are sexually versatile men sexually confused? The reason why I ask this question is because I know this guy who had and is able to have sex with women, but he said he chooses to be with guys permanently. Also, a bottom or a top knows exactly what they want and who they. One is more passive the other is more aggressive.\
Versatile to me is a major turn off. Its just for some reason I just don%E2%80%99t like it. I love men and I like my guy to be a top.
I think they are not confused but just "versatile" . They like both forms of gay sex. Sometimes they get in the mood for a big stiff dick in their ass (this happens to me about once every eight and half years) and sometimes they just want to stick their dicks up inside a guy (this happens to me about every eight and a half hours).
I''m divided a bit more evenly than you, R33. But I agree. Why limit yourself?
There are really people who are exclusively top or bottom?\
That sex would get old real fast.
R32, YOU are the "confused" one with issues. Holy crap!%0D\
"To those who can''t stay hard fucking, do you not enjoy the sensation? I mean, dick in warmth..."%0D\
I think it''s more a psychological thing. Gay men are made to feel passive and "like women", so they often don''t have the confidence to get up there and pump like a stud.%0D\
I used to be a total bottom and went virtually dateless, as you are competing with guys half your age for the one jerk who happens to be a top. No more of that; after some practice I''m versatile now.%0D\
they become best friends, shopping and travel companions, who have sex with others outside of their ''relationship''.
I''m a top. But I''m not agressive, and I don''t have a big dick (average length, thinner than average girth). I also have trouble staying hard (taking the time to open a condom and put it on will leave me limp most of the time). %0D\
Everyone wants a top, but nobody wants a top without a big hard dick... and nobody wants a passive top.%0D\
Seriously, I like agressive bottoms... guys with tight little smooth asses who come up to me and grab me and say "FUCK ME!" I *love* that. But haven''t had it in years. I want the bottom to make the first move.%0D\
Passive top looking for Agressive Bottom
You should move to New York.
I really think that if you''re a top, you''re only really attracted to bottoms. I''ve never been in a situation where I hook up with a guy and he turns out to be a top. The guys I''m drawn to are bottoms. I dig their energy. I find fellow tops dull and passive. Bottoms are eager and I''m just naturally drawn to them.\
And when I guy I suspect is a top hits on me, I get mildly offended. Yes, clearly I have issues.
Oral sex and messages,\
[quote]I''ve never been in a situation where I hook up with a guy and he turns out to be a top.\
that''s because 99% of the gays are bottoms.
If I met a new guy I liked, and he was an exclusively top - Id have no prob always being the bottom. But if I met a guy who was an "exclusive bottom" - I dont think theres such a thing. Its called being bad in bed.%0D\
ps I hate passive tops. again, major zzzz
There is no such thing as an "exclusive bottom" ???? Oh, that has GOT to be a typo or your a female R46.
R1 they are men, I guess you meant ''tops''
I think it''s cute that some of you can''t afford tops.
R47 no im a gay man! just cause that queen "doesnt top," doesnt mean he is physically unable to!
[quote]ps I hate passive tops. again, major zzzz%0D\
I meant ''passive top'' in the terms of what one does to get in the sack, not what one does once in there.%0D\
I will fuck your brains out. But you''re going to have to ask me to do it.%0D\
They need to make rainbow pins with different colors emphasized. The tops can wear the pins with red emphasized and the bottoms can wear the pins with yellow emphasized. That way, no need to even discuss it ahead of time.\
Plus, wearing rainbow pins would also really piss off the rightwing Xtians.
I had a boyfriend who had never been topped before. So we were the two tops you asked about, OP.\
It took a while for him to get used to being fucked, but eventually he began to enjoy it. After than, we simply took turns topping, on successive evenings. It worked fine.
I have a question: Is fucking the staple in gay sex as it is in hetero intercourse?
Anal seems better in theory than practice. So much of a control issue by the top thinking he is "The Man" in the relationship, also, not as satisifying as oral. %0D\
As Carly Simon sang, "I haven''t Got Time For the Pain."
Anal sex takes so much... prep.%0D\
Meh. Feh I say.
r57- i agree. not worth the effort. gimme a hand job.
From what I hear from friends these days, most men don''t prep before anal. I wouldn''t know, since I''m not into it.
My hole is closed for anything other than "normal business."
Even if you don''t "cleanse" before... there''s so much work involved. Tongue and fingers to loosen you up (poppers even). Takes time. Never mind the lube, and all its associated messiness.%0D\
You not only have to ''have a plan'' to do it, you have to "clean up" afterwards... %0D\
I prefer the spontenaity of simple oral and hand jobs.%0D\
[quote]My hole is closed for anything other than "normal business."\
Well after last summer''s "Everything Must Go Sale" and the "Winter Clearance Event", we''ve all had quite enough of your ass, thanks.\
And, for the love of God, please wrap up whatever work you''re having done. The "Men Working" signs are distracting and the dust smells awful. What is that, asbestos?
Here goes the Anal Brigade again!%0D\
NOT ALL gays like butt-fucking!!!
"that''s because 99% of the gays are bottoms."%0D\
No, if that were the case then no gay man would ever get laid.%0D\
One of you gives into the other, or you confine yourselves to oral and jackoff only.\
Then you start dating someone else until you find someone you''re really sexually compatible with.
R64, bottoms mean anal bottoms. \
There is no top or bottom with the other sexual acts.
Bottoms, would you turn a blind eye to your top partner if he was cheating? And not if another bottom was doing the same thing?
Pretty much agree with r43, except tops are fine as friends and I don''t have issues.
"As a straight acting gay guy, I only prefer safer sex. Oral sex and messages, anything involving anal is a no go."\
Straight acting men fuck women not men.
Okay, I''m a lesbian and very versatile about what I do in bed, but I don''t really understand why the top/bottom thing is a problem. If you are just hooking up with somebody for sex, why *wouldn''t* you first mention what you want to do, to make sure you''re not about to waste your time? \
And if you''re dating somebody, with the possibility of a relationship in mind, it still doesn''t seem like a huge deal to discuss your sexual preferences at some point before you actually get naked together--particularly if your sexual needs/interests are so rigidly fixed that you know you can''t accommodate an otherwise appealing guy who won''t be a top to your bottom or vice versa.
Very few people are brave enough to be as sexually forward as you, r70, especially when getting fucked carries a stigma of submission, weakness and effeminacy.\
The exception is Manhunt. Online hookup site profiles allow us to specify everything we want without any conversation. The shame of admitting what we want and what we have to offer is mitigated.\
But even on Manhunt, you''ll still find a lot of bottoms who lie because people think only tops have masculinity.
My former fuck buddy was a bottom-only, but I didn''t realize it until a few times after we had sex. I pretty much assumed he was versatile. We had sex regularly for about a year and a half, and although topping can be fun, sometimes I would think, "Why do I have to do all the work?". I know now I should have done what R70 suggests in her post. Just get it out in the open before you have sex, that way you won''t have to waste your time.
Dear [reply 70] thank you for observing what should be obvious to all of us, gay men. I can't believe how LBGT forums are still full of gay men who say that "everyone should be versatile", that if you are not versatile in bed you are stupid, lazy, something wrong with you, etc. That's about as smart as going around posting that gay men are gay because they don't know how to enjoy pussy. Sexual preferences are pretty innate, and for most people difficult to change. If you are a versatile gay man great, be accepting of gay men who are not just as much as you want people to be accepting of you.
1. Double-headed dildo
2. Tummy sticks
[quote]I think it's more a psychological thing. Gay men are made to feel passive and "like women", so they often don't have the confidence to get up there and pump like a stud.
Sometimes that can manifest as having to be a super masculine top because of men being conditioned to be the active, stronger gender, and trying to escape that conditioning that presents gay men as being more like women.
Two bottoms bump pussies.
Two tops watch football.
When a bottom meet a bottom coming through the rye.
"gay men who say that "everyone should be versatile", that if you are not versatile in bed you are stupid, lazy, something wrong with you, etc."
No one mentioned stupidity, laziness, or having something wrong in reference to tops/ bottoms. It just seems like a replication of 'normal' sex roles, and very much perpetuated by porn and gay culture in general. Preference is very different from adopting some rigid 'role'.
Has this thread yet ended in tears?
I'm not a passive top, but I do love aggressive bottoms. The best sex I've had has been with bottoms that are vocal, and make the first move. It's really a turn on when they grab me, and put me inside them. Only problem is when they turn out to be vers-bottoms, because I hate someone wanting to screw me. Seems so gross and demeaning.
I'm six feet tall. In 1983, I struck up a conversation with a very tall guy in a gay bar. We really hit it off. I invited him back to my place. Before he would go, he made sure I was OK with him being a total bottom, even though he was so tall. I had him numerous times over the next few years, until he met Mr. Right. Now I get a Xmas card from them.
I fuck like a bull and love being a top AND also love to suck off guys, so what does that make me?
I definitely have this hierarchy of sex acts that I'll engage in depending on my mood and what I think of the other guy. not kinky at all, I think of myself more as a retro-sexual, someone who embraces the top/bottom dynamic
Jesus, you guys have issues.
I am in a relationship where we are both bottoms for 20 years and we bring top Man in or two they take care of our needs we have a friend who is around 3/4 days a week and we have a good time. When I meet my partner 20 years ago he was a top but I found out later that he was more bottom than top. We would have a threesome and he was always wanted to be fucked and he likes it rough.
So it can work
Usually murder OP, didn't you know?
Joan Rivers with her 1965, 1985, 1995 faces.
"... and we bring top Man in or two"
That could get expensive... and dangerous.
cant keep a good top down
I am in a relationship for many years and my partner is a bottom as well I thought he was a top but he likes being fucked and every threesome we have had he always want them to fuck him. What we now do is we have two male men we see and they fuck us both and we are happy with that, but my partner makes out to his friends that he the butch one but if they only new how he begs to fucked and he likes it rough.
Today's top is tomorrow's bottom.
Is, was and ever shall be.
Isn't the double dong dildo made for a double bottom situation!?
I am gay bottom so is my brother and we found out later on in our twenties that my farther was gay and a bottom his boyfriend was a truck driver and very dominant
R94 did you share him?
We prefer to be fucked by the real thing large dicks they take it in turns to fuck us
My farther boyfriend fucked the three of us one night
My farther was also a bottom, did not know but was at a party which was an orgy and he was being past around like a whore .
I'm with R5... I don't stay hard for topping, and enjoying bottoming can be faked... but like R5.. I'm incredibly good looking.
I just found out that my boyfriend is a bottom like me. We have been together for over twenty years,yes I have had my doubts but I have had a few encounters with other people and they are one hundred percent tops. My boyfriend does the same job as me and one of the men I went out with also has been, with my boyfriend and he did not know that we were together he told me that he was an aggressive bottom and they had a foursome, and my boyfriend was fucked by the four of them, and this guys knows of others who have fucked him what do I do about this don't really no
[quote]he was being past around
Two bottoms can't: Kiss? Frot? Lick? Rim? Do w/s? Titplay? Use blindfolds? Shrimp? Sniff? Tonguebathe? Tickle? Shower together. etc. etc. etc. Fucking IS nice, granted, but not the be-all and end-all. Be creative you bottoms out there. Life's a banquet, and most sunsabitches are starvin' to death.
[quote]Yes he was past around like a peace of meat
Aren't you a clever little girl.
Not a damn thing, OP.
I dated another bottom in college. We would go to the gay fraternity and let them run trains on us. We would lie side by side and make out, while our holes got beat in. We broke up before graduation because he was going to Med School and I was moving to LA. It was amicable and we realized that it wasn't long term because what were we going to do? Rub holes for the rest of our lives?
If you are or have been versatile then you know how to make a bottom moan, or if topping then to make that bottom want more. Just put yourself in their place ...
When a bottom meet a bottom
Comin thro' the rye,
Can a bottom kiss a bottom,
Need a bottom cry?
I finger my bottom buddies till they cum
So do I love just do
Who does anal anyway? It's highly overrated.
r106 yall were some bottom hoes. Sounds hot!
My dad is a bottom gets fucked by a Greek man he meet on vacation brought him back with him its been two years he must love being fucked by that macho man
R102, the top/bottom issue doesn't just apply to anal sex. All those alternative sex acts you listed still involve top/bottom roles. Note that outside the US, the terms "active" and "passive" are used instead of top and bottom.
I dated another top on and off over 2 years (2-5 months at a time). He loved to kiss, massage, and give/receive oral. I liked all of that too, but I loved to fuck as well.
We would invite in a third 1-2 times a week who was looking to get spit-roasted. We would put up post on Craigslist looking for a roastee who wanted 15" combined, and then pick. We would also invite returnees back. I eventually ended it since I grew tired of sharing him with others.
I would like to meet many tops and they can fuck my brains out
as an EXCLUSIVE top (with the requisite large endowment) I can attest to the fact that most who claim to be tops flip in an instant when they get see the "right" opportunity.
R10 - it's gonna blow!
Just like normal phones, but for gays!
Adam fucked Jesus all the time while Mary watched through a peephole.
so are tops more rare cuz im a top and love fucking hard i always find it harder to find bottoms, plus i only like manly bottoms
I am a confrimed bottom man, but if I find myself with another confirmed bottom I make the most of it. I can give a man a good fuck and do every so often and enjoy it. I do prefer the feeling of being penetrated.
Just learn to do both. Both positions are great in the long run. Also if you are both bottoms, explore fisting.
I have never gotten the "1 top for every 10 bottoms" thought. I'm a bottom and I get hit on by tops all the time. Not bragging. It's just I've never had a problem finding a top.
I get that people feel like they need to identify with a role to justify their sexuality and make it seem more 'normal' to the heterosexual, or simply that some people seem to like to do obe role more than the other, but come on... Sex is sex.
People that identify with one role and refuse to do the other have more of a menta issue rather than a physical.
Were not stuck in the 80s anymore. Get a grip.
R125 is one of those dreaded versatiles who wants the world to be like him and pounds his little fists when they don't comply.
Do tops care about a bottom's cock size?
There is something very satisfying about fucking a bottom with a really big dick. Part of it is delivering the pleasure of a really good fuck, part of it is seeing/hearing it engorged and bouncing around his stomach when he's on his back / slapping up against his stomach when I take him from behind.
[quote]Most often Bottoms find out that their date was not actually versatile, but another lying bottom, so they gossip.
That made me laugh out loud!