How many gay men on DL actually have a straight male friend who they hang out with? I know that the sterotypical gay man is supposed to have a straight girlfriend or two. I have a very good friend who is straight. He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle since before we were in high school. He has stood up for me when others were judgemental. However, many of my friends do not believe we have never had sex or are close friends. They claim he is only my friend because deep down he wants to fuck me. Any thoughts??
[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle %0D\
You flyover queens and your antiquated language...ugh.
Is he a hipster?
Absolutely it happens. I met my friend Jim through his wife and I''m close to both of them. I consider them family, in fact they''re closer to me than my blood relatives.
Your lifestyle? Your lifestyle? Sounds like this was written by a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Or possibly a gay man pretending to be a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Either way, it''s disturbing.
r4 Are you semi retarded?? Yes, my lifestyle. My gay lifestyle as opposed to his hetero lifestyle. What''s so hard to understand? You see, it goes like this. I prefer to sleep with men and he prefers to sleep with women, particularly, one woman, his wife. We have been good friends for years and we don''t have sex together because I don''t look at him that way and he doesn''t look at me that way. Ok, do we understand now??
I was just thinking about this. I have a lot of straight guy friends but I have been friends with them since before I came out. (mostly from college). %0D\
I''m not sure I have made a true friendship with a straight guy who knew up front that I was gay. %0D\
(unless they were closeted themselves)
Does the word ''lifestyle'' suggest choice?
For me, lifestyle means the way I live my life, as a gay man. I don''t know how anyone else uses it and I don''t care. It''s not a choice for me, its who I am.
This is such a troll post. Only straight Republicans like Sarah Palin think homosexuality is a lifestyle.
I fucking HATE the word "lifestyle," as it is usually used in conjunction with "choice." Gays do not CHOOSE to be gay. And the fact that I sleep with men instead of women does not define anything about my "lifestyle."\
Nice try, fat flyover frau.
Lost me at "lifestyle".
[quote]My gay lifestyle \
I thought that people stopped using that absurd phrase about 20 years ago.\
[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle\
Uggh. Would anyone ever use that to denote a "straight lifestyle"? No. So, why would we want to apply it to ourselves? You are gay, he is straight. You both have lives. Leave the style nonsense out of it.
My best friend is straight, married with children. there is nothing we don''t talk about and there is nothing he or I do not know about each other''s sex life. My partner is best friends with his wife. We see each other about 4 times a year and are simply comfortable together. We go hunting and on occaison have slept in the same bed together. %0D\
There is nothing I won''t do for him, his wife or children. I know he is a good looking guy and I gather he was a twink when he was young, but I could not imagine us doing anything other than pulling practical jokes on each other. I just don''t see him in a "sexual" way.
People think that "Fag" is the gay insult most similar to "Nigger" for blacks, but it''s actually "Lifestyle".
I''m interested in answers to the OP''s question rather than semantic quibbles.
I have 3 "best friends". A gay man, a straight woman, and a straight man. I call them "my fag, my hag, and my stag". I love them all dearly but my straight male friend is definitely #1 (and they all know it). His 2 children are my God children.
[quote]I''m interested in answers to the OP''s question rather than semantic quibbles.\
Datalounge: love it or leave it.
r16 that''s great. My friend and his wife don''t have kids yet, but I can''t wait for that. They have been more of a family to me than some of my own blood relatives. I just get angry when some other friends, mostly gay, insinuate that we are only friends because deep down he wants to have sex with me. I tell them we are true friends but they don''t believe it. I''m glad others have a similar situation.
[quote]Does the word ''lifestyle'' suggest choice?\
Yes it does. You''d use that word in the context of being a gym-rat, a health-nut, a partier, a church goer, a hobbyist... stuff that you choose to do.
I am scared to have one in case he turn on me.
I have a younger coworker who grew up in San Francisco. He''s had many gay friends, I''ve had many straight friends. He actually understands where I coming from. Couldn''t be a better relationship.
"Lifestyle" suggests being gay were a matter of choosing end tables or what wine to serve with dinner. \
I have a sexual orientation, which I believe was genetically assigned before I was even born. \
Shut up with the lifesyle shit. We get it. I''m sure OP is very sorry he didn''t choose his words more carefully. Enough.%0D\
More stories about gay/straight friendships please.
Do you really have heterosexual male friends? Heterosexual male friends that you go camping, fishing, to the movies or play sports with or are these guys you just talk to when you see them? Heterosexual males from everything I''ve seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. They will talk to gay men especially when they need something but other than that they purposefully refuse to socialize with gay men.
I used to have a straight best friend, well, a bit bisexual but not toward me. Anyhoo, it has been noticeably cooler since I cut his wife out of my life for voting for Bush twice. She had been jealous, though there was nothing sexual or even emotional between us, but she seemed to be civil at least before that. So I keep in touch, but it is rare he says anything to me.%0D
My two best friends (male) are straight. one of them was the one who basically forced me out of the closet. One is Jamaican-American and as straight as can be (married, two kids), the other is Irish-American, son of a cop.
I sometimes wish I could have a gay friend I'm as close with the way I'm close with them but then I realize I'm as close to them as I am to my brothers and I'm not missing out on anything. But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I'm no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can't imagine life without them. They are incredibly supportive and gay friendly to me (but it was a journey). I'm the godfather to one of the kids.
I don't really have close gay friends. I have ex boyfriends with whom I'm friends. But I like football and I'm not super gay and I honestly tend to get along better with straight guys than gay ones. Every time I meet gay guys through friends, it gets awkward when they hit on me and I'm not interested and it's a pain, frankly.
I am a musician, I have many straight guy friends who are also musicians. No big whoop.
i wish my gay(former)friends were as supportive as my straight friends... like the reply above, i''m god father to my straight friends son, we -- wife, friend and i go on weekend out of town together, dinners, game night.... his wife family has completely accepted, and dear to me also.
God, the vast majority of my close friends are straight guys. My best friend is from college - he''s basically like my brother, even though I don''t see him too frequently since he lives in Europe, but we''ve been emotionally close for 20+ years. I have lots of straight friends from grad school and elsewhere, too. I have exactly one close gay male friend.%0D\
I tend to have tight emotional bonds with somewhat difficult, intellectual straight guys. I find that a lot of gay men are very cliquish and isolated - living in the gayborhood and only associating with other gay men. That''s not me. I feel like I can talk about anything with my friends, but most gay guys I meet only want to talk about the bars, about sex, etc.%0D\
Obviously cool straight guys are out there, but they seem to be harder to find.
Argh, I meant that cool gay guys are out there, but they''re hard to find.%0D\
Also, the premise of this thread confirms something I find disconcerting - so many gay guys find it inconceivable that a gay man would have straight male friends. I''d say 90%+ of gay guys I know (including my boyfriend) hang out mostly with other gay guys, and possibly a few straight women. I seem to be the only gay I know with a posse of straight guys in my life.%0D\
I used to think this was a generational thing, with many older gay men having been scarred emotionally by growing up in a more homophobic time. Yet I know a lot of gay guys in their mid-to-late 20s who only associate with other gay men.%0D\
I just find that to be sad. Oh well - it''s not my life.
I dare you to ask a straight guy if he sleeps with men, but prefers women.
Wish I had more gay male friends, but I suppose there''s usually some sort of sexual tension or other drama that keeps me away. Most of my friends are straight men. Most straight men honestly repulse me, but in my old age I feel more comfortable and interested in talking about broken engines or toilets or health insurance plans. Straight men can be the bitchiest, most gossiping worthless sluts around, too. Most of my childhood friends were hetero dudes and none of those who remained close are weird about sexuality as adults.
Really? Most (but hardly all) of my friends are straight men -- from work and from boyhood, college, and law school. That's probably because most men are straight, and as a man, even as a gay man, I've found throughout my life that I have more in common with other men than with women. Of course, I have great friends who are gay men and straight women. (Like so many other gay men, I seem to have a natural affinity for straight women, and they for me). I also have a few lesbian friends, though, for some reason, fewer now than at other times. (They all seem so busy with their kids.) In any event, why would you confine yourself to a small segment of the population, especially where I live, in New York City, where straight men can be as interesting and nice, as smart and funny as gay men? I also have to say that for the most part I've stayed clear of the gay ghetto, where the atmosphere can sometimes get claustrophobic (for me, at least) and the men insular and a little catty. I understand wanting to be around only gay men when you're looking for boyfriends, dates, or sex. But otherwise, why cut yourself off from the main?
By the way, I'm not talking just about close friends. How many of those can you have? I have only five or six (half of them gay, half straight), plus my parents (straight), my brothers (straight), their wives (straight), and their children (straight I would guess, but they're young, so perhaps the jury's still out), who live nearby and see me all the time.
I have tons of straight male friends. Of course, they don''t know that I''m gay...
I can''t have gay friends anymore because I always just sleep with all of them.
Because he likes you as a person, OP?
R35, even the ugly ones?
How many of these straight male friends are from before you came out?\
I''d like to hear stories of straight men/gay men friendships that started off with the straight guy knowing you were gay from the get-go.
"there is nothing he or I do not know about each other''s sex life"%0D\
R13 - That sounds a bit icky.
R37, I have no ugly friends. Why would I want to?
r38 - Although I don''t have gayvoice, when I open my mouth, lube, dildoes, and cockrings fall out. I live in SF and work in the burbs. Most of my friends are straight guys from work who knew I was gay when we met (I made sure of that). There are 4-5 of us who hang out on weekends. Sadly, not one of them wants to fuck me, but one dude has a man-crush on my partner, we all believe.
What a weird question.%0D\
Of my three closest male friends, one is gay and the other two are straight. Both knew I was gay when we met.%0D\
I find it hard to believe there are gay men out there without straight friends.
I have some straight male friends, but good ones are hard to find. Good friends in general are hard to find. Most straight guys I''ve known have been bitchy gossips, no better than any other orientation or gender, and the elevation/idealization of them by DL continues to be a mystery to me.
[quote]Heterosexual males from everything I''ve seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. %0D\
Then you haven''t seen very much. Perhaps you''re too much of a flamer and that chases away the possibility of straight friends.
I have LOTS of straight male friends, but I''m in a profession where being gay is the norm, being straight is sort of being the interloper (classical music). The straight guys are all TOTALLY cool with gay guys, they even giggle when hit on. In my twenty years being out I''ve only had to deal with one (crazy) straight colleague who was a homophobe (he was also a freak that no one trusts).
Ugly how closeted the respondents on this thread sound. Disgusting.
My closest friends are evenly divided between straight guys and straight women. My best friend recently got hired as a performer on an adult site that caters an audience that''s primarily gay. He''s the most open-minded straight guy in the world---he''s a big guy and the only time he''s ever gotten into a fistfight was when one of his teammates was on my case for being gay. \
It''s just a big, goofy lifelong bromance. (His mom always jokes, "Every night I pray for (Erik) to wake up gay so he can ditch that whore of a girlfriend a marry you.". So he had to promise her that if ever happens, he will propose. \
I think that as long as a both parties are comfortable in their own identities, sexuality isn''t that big of a deal in a friendship.
I have had several close straight male friends. Many of them live in different towns now, but one lives in my town and we are very good friends and hang out often.
I have a boyfriend, and a "Straight boyfriend" - he''s Beta-male to my Alpha and my boyfriend loves him to bits. straight friends are great.
R44 No, I live in the real world. A lot of these responses are from delusional people. Doesn''t matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual males avoid socializing with gay men. I assume most of these comments praising haterosexual males are coming from gay men. These are the type of gay men who want to disassociate from gay people because of the stigma HATEROSEXUALS put on gay people and when they get called a fag and punched in the face by a group of haterosexual males in the street want to come running to the gay community looking for support only to find that most are like them, they don''t want to hear that hateros did you wrong because in their screwed up head hateros are always right.
I''ll be sure, r50, to share your thoughts with my highly straight best friend, for whose wedding I served as best man, when I see him next.%0D\
My god, you''re damaged. Seek therapy - please, for your own good.
[quote]Doesn''t matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual (sic) males avoid socializing with gay men\
you''re incorrect there, young man.
Wow R50, you must be so lonely. My best friend is simply my best friend. It didn''t start out that way but we came best friends. No romance, just a hell of a lot in common. When there''s no sexual tension or possible competition, then all that is left is comfortable, safe.
R51 and R52 are typical responses. They attack me personally and don''t refute what I say. Somehow individual cases represent the whole. I doubt these heterosexual friendship stories are real or as what these posters think they are. It is RARE for a heterosexual male to have a gay male friend who he interacts with like he does with heterosexual male friends like playing sports on Saturday, watching a movie together (in the movie theaters), going on fishing trips on the ocean etc.
[quote]But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I''m no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can''t imagine life without them. \
You contradicted yourself. You already lost one of the 3, so you can imagine life without him.\
And the people claiming that straight men make better friends than gay men (or worse, that they''re too straight-acting to be friends with gay men) sound every bit as damaged as R50, and maybe more in need of therapy.\
Funny how people on here think they come off to others. Hint: you don''t sound self-assured and comfortable in your own gay skin when you talk about others being too flaming to make friends. And when you imply that a straight person is a more valuable friend, you just sound like a Log Cabinette.
I wouldn''t want to be in any club that would want my member
[quote]They attack me personally and don''t refute what I say. \
NO! I DID refute, idiot! I said that you were INCORRECT - straight men happily hang out with me, my boyfriend and with other gay men, it''s the truth and you are a sick paranoid fuck-up!
"Family" are really the only ones you can trust. Straights, both male and female, that you knew before coming out, eventually, always, pull away. Straight males you meet after coming out, assume if they get to know you, you will hit on them (which is never the case), females, after you are out, just want a new "girlfriend", which many gay males don''t want to become.\
It is just easier to stick to family only. Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)
Amazing, isn''t it - that as a group we preach diversity, and yet when we discuss it in our personal lives we hit stereotypes worse than most straights put on us.%0D\
It''s entirely possible for gay men to have close straight male friends. But it''s also possible some don''t know or have any - so much depends on the personalities, locations, etc. In other words -it''s really impossible to expect simliarity.%0D\
If you want a straight friend and don''t have one -perhaps that is an issue. But just as straight men and women can be friends without having sex, so can straight men gay men.
[quote]They attack me personally and don''t refute what I say. %0D\
Since people know you''re very wrong, why would you expect them to list, case by case, every illustration that proves you wrong. %0D\
They both agree that you''re wrong and I, also, know for a fact that you''re wrong. Others will agree. We can''t be bothered to take time to make you change your mind on this matter. %0D\
No doubt, there''s something about you that keeps straight men from showing you friendship. Are you into Sequins & Mascara? Do you wave a rainbow flag while swishing down the street? Do you lisp and dye your hair pink? Are you into Standing & Modeling?%0D\
Deep down, he wants to fuck you OP. \
So deep, and oh so down low.
R60 Is exactly what I was referring to when I posted this. My other friends do not believe that such a friendship can exist without a sexual undertone but I assure them that it does. I wanted to see if others had good friendships with straight men. I''m very glad to see the positive responses from others who share those friendships. I love all my close friends, but my relationship with my straight friend means the most to me.
you''re fucking out of your noggin! the two friends have been closest too over the past twenty years are both straight, one female, one male. and we''ve all seen really hard times together. we''re all in our forties and still as close as ever. \
you''re totally pulling this out of your own ass, get OVER yourself!
[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)\
you sound HOPELESS
R61, I''ll fess up, I was tweaking you.
[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". %0D\
I have straight friends but I always lust after them. I''ve seen them all naked before (gym, urinals, etc.). Some I''ve sucked off while drunk. I really don''t understand the people who say that attraction plays no part in the friendship.
Apparently, R66 has less straight friends then he thinks he has.
Straight men don''t let gay men suck them off.
I have to admit that my best straight friends (and gay ones, for that matter) are the ones I''m not attracted to. \
If there''s an attraction, it just gets weird. I totally blame myself.
R56 You didn''t refute anything I wrote. All you wrote was you had a heterosexual "friend" which as I wrote before individual experiences do not represent the whole. The fact is heterosexual male friendships with gay men are rare and that is because heterosexuals don''t want them.
I do not have any straight male friends. Where I live gay people are not liked. It is very seperate here - segregated. And, the gay men who have sex with men refer to themselves as "straight". But, if you are honest about who you are, consider yourself an outcast and pretty much treated like a Leper.
where you live sounds horrid
I don''t really have any close gay friends. You know why? Because one of them got me drunk and took advantage (not talking rape obviously, but he horned me up and I was ''a whore, darlin'') and the other one disappeared off the face of the earth as soon as he got his fabulous new boyfriend. \
I know some cool gay guys as netfriends whom I hope to develop deeper friendships with, but that''s the extent of it.\
All my close friends are straight- male and female.
R72, that happened to me 20 or so years ago. I had a small group of what I thought were close friends, who by the way were gay. Not one, but two took advantage of me when I was drunk (again, not rape, but got me all hot and bothered and we had sex). Two others would disappear for weeks or months with their new "he''s the one" and not return calls. I gave up on gay guy and friendships because of the "possible sexual" tension and the flightiness of many guys.
Im still working on trusting straight guys.
[quote]I don''t really have any close gay friends. All my close friends are straight- male and female.%0D\
I''m guessing what you all have in common is your dislike for gay guys.%0D\
How sad for you
R75 you''re stretching so much I can see your ass crack.\
Most of my friends are straight men. I dont know why that is, it just sort of happened. But I can totally relate to what OP is saying. I had a roommate in college who is straight and we developed a really good friendship which continues to today. But back then, a few gay guys I knew insisted he must secretly be gay. "Why else would he be friends with a gay guy?" they would ask, as if that was proof enough. People like that are idiots.
My best friend and I have been best buds for 40+ years ( we're both 48) We've been friends since kindergarten.
When I was 14, I admitted to him "Paul--I'm gay" I thought for sure he would punch me, or at the least say "Fuck you, fag. We're not friends anymore." He just looked at me and said "As long as you don't try to suck my dick, I'm cool with it. You're my friend."
He's married, has kids and grandkids. We still watch football together, go to car races, fishing, etc. and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. And no--I have no desire to sleep with him. I never did. We're just friends--best friends.
Most of my close male friends are straight--some from before I came out, some after. We talk about our sex lives--well they would like to talk more; I don't really like to talk about my sex life very much. Most of them have been to gay bars with me and have had a blast. And no, none of them are closeted. They all love fucking women too much to be gay--and none of them would have a problem being out if they truly were gay. I have had some gay guys refuse to believe I'm not sleeping with them--well, the hot ones of course.
I only really have one close gay friend. I wish I had more.
I'm with R29/R30. And R50 is a prissy nut, it couldn't be more obvious.
As I've gotten older, I've become friends with more gay guys. Most of them I got to know through some network or scene that was based around men wanting to hook up with other men. "Cruising" buddies and whatnot. Gotta have somebody to talk about dick with.
But more than half of my dude friends are straight. Most of my friends in general are dudes -- straight ones. I had a gay male roommate last year, and when the time came to replace our other, female roommate, I was interested primarily in the straight male respondents to our ad. He said he didn't feel comfortable living with a straight guy. He's pretty queeny; his friends are all chicks and other queeny gay guys. I personally would have chosen to live with yet another female before I'd pick another gay guy as a roommate. The guy we ended up with was straight; predictably, the two of them didn't get along, despite the straight roommate being very sensible, forward thinking, and not remotely homophobic. (I'm openly gay, and the straight dude and I get along fine and continue to room together.)
I think most gay guys who have close friendships with straight guys are probably not the typical prance-y, bobble-head, Valley Girl type. But then I don't know the ins and outs of all these gay/straight friendships. Just a hunch.
My best friend is straight and i'd say more like a brother to me than my own brother. We lived together for abour 2 years when we were younger. I remember his parents who I knew as well were like, ok but living together? are you sure? They liked me, but they had a limit it seemed! When we did live together we never saw each other anyway. Probably talk more now when we go out at the weekend than when we lived together.
I'm from the UK so don't know if it's maybe a bit different here as I noticed some people saying already that were they live it's "segregated"? Not really so much of that here that I've ever seen. Sure, you would get called names in school etc but in adulthood has never been a big deal. I'm nearly 30 and the straight guys in their early 20s at work seem very indifferent to the gay thing nowadays. I don't feel awkward in their company because I am gay. They just make me feel old! They're probably so used to growing up with it being more visible in the TV/media now that it's not a big issue and straight guys having close gay friends will be pretty normal in the near future.
The new normal is here.
I live in the Midwest and I can't speak about my boyfriend/partner to straight guys without a look of disgust.
I want to some of your nice and probably not imaginary straight male friends.
Where do you live? I want to come there. Seems so nice.
Hated Midwest Gay
most of my female friends are straight
Just be a normal dude.
I have a few, these guys are the best friends I could ask for. There is something about bonding with straight but not narrow guys, makes me feel manly. These guys love me, say so, and I adore them.