Older Man, Younger Man Success Stories ......

More than a 30 year age difference ..... How often does this work out ? (yah, yah, I know .... as long as he can afford to pay .... ha ha) .... but seriously, do you know of a lot of success stories ? (I know there''s a whole community out there, so there must be a lot of success .... right ?)%0D\ %0D\ I know of one couple where they met when the younger guy was in his early 20''s and the older guy was in his 40''s ..... neither is ''rich'' .... and they''re still together.

I''m 44, he''s 22. We are working on 7 months. Takes a bit of adjustment but he just came out so he is less inclined to spend time with his old group of friends (all straight college guys) and wants to spend more time with me. My friends run from 18 to 90 so it''s not like he''s running around with all men his father''s age. (His dad is 60 by the way).
Damn...I''m setting myself to be flamed, but WTF. I just met a 27 y/o man from Thailand; I am 64 and in pretty good shape for my age (Yes dears, I have all my teeth and don''t need Viagra). With all that said, we both are madly in love with each other. This relationship just happened as I normally like guys my own age. Although I have more material posessions than he, he is self-sufficient and works. I am a versatile person and have many interests (Including flying as a Private Pilot which I have been doing for 40 or so years). I am not rich and he never has asked me for anything. We just enjoy each other''s company. That is all.
Oh god, not THIS thread again. Deluded old geezers with boys who have daddy issues? Cliche. Done. Next. The older dudes have some money, too. It may not be the ONLY reason the kids stick around but it sure greases those wheels. %0D\ %0D\ Older men who even WANT to be with someone that much younger are a mess. No 44 year old on the planet has much in common with a 22 year old CHILD (who can''t find his ass with both hands no matter how "mature" he acts. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR LIFE EXPERIENCE. NONE. ZIP. NADA.) other than you both like dick.%0D\ %0D\ ALL the older guys are lonely and don''t want to be alone. Or are horny skeeves who lust after the young meat. Or get their egos stroked because the young guys say all the perfect and right things because THAT''S WHAT THEY ARE GOOD AT.%0D\ %0D\ There IS NO PARITY IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS.%0D\ %0D\ But, hey, have at it. This is all just my opinion, which is unfailingly cynical.
R3 Take your meds hon...it will be alright.
Ha ha! Your boyfriend is substituting you for his father''s withheld affection.
Nelson Muntz
r3 JUST had a breakthrough at therapy!
"This relationship just happened..."%0D\ %0D\ Righto!!! It had nothing to do with him being exceedingly poor and you having some money in your pocket.
Ain''t Love Grand?
R3 is correct - it''s just his cynical opinion.\ \ 19 years difference in our ages - 25 glorious years together. Neither of us were rich, taking care of the other, or stroking egos. We met, we clicked, we fell in love almost immediately, and we have never looked back or regretted one single minute.
R8, are you the older one or the younger one?
One of my favorite gay cliches: "I''m 55 but I have such a thirst for life that people think I''m much younger, and I relate much better to guys under 30."
14 year age difference here. We''ve been together for 14 years and going strong. Neither of us are rich. We''re together because we love each other.%0D\ %0D\ I''m the younger one and it still annoys me when people make stupid sugar daddy assumptions about us. It''s never been about that. %0D\ %0D\ Unfortunately, some people have small minds.
There are sucess stories in Older/Younger...but there are plenty of gold-digger stories too.%0D\ %0D\ I''m 54 and a "daddy" and younger guys go for me in a big way. Sex is great, but after that I find that we have nothing in common. %0D\ %0D\ I far prefer guys in my own age group.
I was 26, he was 40 when we met. I was 39, he was 53 when he died. We were fine despite the age difference for the first ten years or so. It was harder when I was mid 30s and he was 50ish and starting to slow down but by that time we had been together a long time and had adjusted to each other and could give each other space.
A 22-year-old CHILD? You are the one with issues, R3. Wow.
No, just no. There are issues people and you all know it. Even in a straight relationship a really large age difference...more than 10 years is NOT considered to be regular. Hell, in reality 7 years is considered technically to be the next generation.\ \ I am sorry but I believe anyone looking for love with a big age difference like that has underlying unaddressed issues.
R3 is simply an angry dude with no particular expertise or experience- just an angry person''s cynical take on something.%0D\ %0D\ Funny how most of the posts think the older guys are deluded geezers etc. Perhaps the younger ones are naive fools... or perhaps neither is true and it happens because like equal ages, they are attracted to each other.%0D\ %0D\ Lord knows it is common in the heterosexual world so why not the gay world? I have not and cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone 20 years or more, never mind 10 years younger, or older. But then who am I to judge. I have had a difficult enough time with those my own age. %0D\ %0D\ Whatever works to make two people happy is what works for me.
charlie
The gay author Armsitead Maupin is in a relationship/marriage with a 20 year difference and it works for them. It''s an open relationship - perhaps that helps.
He is hot and can fuck me like he''s making love to me, which he is but he cannot admit that to himself.
Justin
R8 here - I''m the younger. I was 22 when I met him, he was 41. We just balanced each other. We were also both strong personalities. We are so different - yet our core values are so alike.
[quote]Hell, in reality 7 years is considered technically to be the next generation.\ \ Umm, no.
R18 is not only dealing with a difference in ages, but a chasm in the looks department.
Hal Sparks
Sorry, Charlie, R3 makes a valid point, albeit in a very irritating fashion.\ \ Generally speaking, a 44 year-old involved with a 22 year-old is indeed deluding himself, as is a 64 year old involved with a 27 year-old. I''ve never once seen such a relationship last. The older men are far too needy and the younger men are far too curious about what else is out there.\ \ However, once the younger party is over 30, all bets are off. A 33 year-old pairing off with a 50 or 60 year old might stand a chance, since the younger man has done some living by that point and might have a stronger handle on what he really wants from a partner.
"There are issues people and you all know it. Even in a straight relationship a really large age difference...more than 10 years is NOT considered to be regular."%0D\ %0D\ The above smack of prejudice: what are the issues? What is "not considered regular"- who are you, Reverend Fallwell returned to earth?%0D\ %0D\ One of my best friends (51) is currently seeing a cute and bright 36 year old. I have spent weekends with them. Age almost never comes up except lightheartedly and all have fun and enjoy each other''s company (I am 57)- no sign of age having any damper on their relationship at this stage. He is very successful, the younger one less so, but very self sufficient, owns a home (he lives elsewhere). %0D\ %0D\ I kind of wonder where people like R15 are coming from. How on earth do they make these judgements for other people and why?
charlie
R22--wouldn''t your point about 20-somethings being "far too curious about what is out there" apply to any of their relationships, regardless of the age of their partners? Are all marriages involving a man under 30 doomed?
I know a 30 something who "fell in love" with a retired guy who was very macho and hung. It was the typical daddy/son relationship...daddy ran the show while the son was subservient and liked daddy''s big hard dick. 5 years later daddy had a stroke. Not long after, son found a new daddy on the net with a working cock. Buh bye old, infirm daddy.
R22, you know these things how? How old are you? I am 57 and I have not got a clue essentially how people work it out other than:%0D\ %0D\ honesty,%0D\ trust,%0D\ love, and generosity%0D\ %0D\ Attraction helps, common interests helps.%0D\ %0D\ When it works the rewards are sublime.%0D\ %0D\ Same age might be related in terms of interests and experience, but my experience and observation of successful gay, lesbian and heterosexual relationships has not support an age limitation.
Being 58 I can honestly state the loneliness is an issue. But enjoy it while you can and move on.
R25, you wouldn''t honestly expect the younger guy to stick around under those circumstances, would you? And it''s funny that you say "daddy ran the show." The reverse is almost always true in younger-older relationships. Economics and sex roles are only part of the equation.
One of my best friends, who is 22, fell in love with this guy who is 51. I wouldn''t have a problem with that except the guy lied about his age (he said he was 43 when they met), but worse, it turns out he is married and has kids and is living this kind of double life. My friend is so delusional he thinks it is going to work out ("he''s really being honest now, and he is going to leave his family"). I refuse to meet the guy or to acknowledge what is going on in any way it is so repellant to me--which is causing our friendship some strain you may guess. This has been going on for the past six months.%0D
I find it interesting that so many gay people, who have had their relationships judged forever by the wider public are so quick to pass judgment on others. Live and let live, what difference does it make to you?
The reason people of the same age even date is a heterosexual thing, based on the technical biological requirement of breeding. Almost all women lose their fertility at 35 years of age (many are not aware of that - ask a qualified doctor, not your GP). So men want younger women by biological necessity.\ \ With gay relationships, there is no biological need to be similar age. There is a comparable libido concern though. Having said that not all 20 year olds want to do it 3 times a day with 3 different guys.
Who''s "judging", R30?\ \ We were asked our opinions and we''re providing them. No one has condemned anyone.\ \ Take your sanctimonious tut-tutting someplace else. The grown-ups are talking.
"However, once the younger party is over 30, all bets are off. A 33 year-old pairing off with a 50 or 60 year old might stand a chance, since the younger man has done some living by that point and might have a stronger handle on what he really wants from a partner."\ \ I agree with R22. A relationship with a big age difference can last if the younger party (a) has accumulated enough life experience to know who s/he is, and (b) is still in love with the older party.\ \ Otherwise, it is almost inevitable that the younger person will change and the relationship will not survive the change.
Torta
If the age difference is 30 years or more, they can''t last long....I mean, nature does take over no matter how young the lover...
just sayin...
A successful relationship means living together. \ \ An on the side thing is not applicable to this argument.
[quote]R25, you wouldn''t honestly expect the younger guy to stick around under those circumstances, would you? %0D\ %0D\ Please tell me you do not have a partner, R28. How sad that would be for him if he ever gets sick.
R25
Those of you "defending" these May-December or, okay, May-DEAD, relationships are pretty tra-la-la naive and annoying. It''s ALL opinion and live and let live, sure. But I know what I know. And, as Judge Judy or someone else said, "Don''t pee on my leg and tell me its raining."
I''m curious R37 - what makes you so knowledgeable? I''d be interested in knowing more about your relationship, how long, ages, etc.
Hmm...I'd be interested to hear more opinions on this.My last relationship was with a guy twice my age, and although we had a lot fun together, the power dynamics of an older/younger relationship was a bit too much for both of us to handle. And yes, he had a big, fat, beer can dick. Not uncut, but you can't have it all.
[quote]The older men are far too needy and the younger men are far too curious about what else is out there. My experience has been that the reverse is true: the needy ones are the younger guys [quote]And it's funny that you say "daddy ran the show." The reverse is almost always true in younger-older relationships. Also not true, in my experience. "Daddy" is the boss. I have no studies or specific stats to back this up; just pointing out what I've seen, heard, and personally experienced. My experience may or may not be the norm.
I'm 62 and my boyfriend of the last 4 years is 38. We get along terrifically, and really enjoy each other. The only bummer is that too many of our friends find it weird. Do I point out to them that they're weird too? Some drink too much, some smoke too much, some are socially inappropriate, some are just plain rude, some are Aspergers like -- nope. But for some reason people think it's okay to mock older-younger relationships.
I was in one older-younger relationship. He was 21 and I was 45. He took the initiative, since I too had my doubts about a relationship with such a disparity, and we ended up being together for 7 years until I ended it. And no, I was not a "young-looking" 45 and no, I didn't, and don't, consider myself "young at heart," and no, I wasn't a "sugar daddy," and yes, he knew exactly what he wanted.
R40, I think your experience is the norm. At least in my relationship, my ex used money as a passive-agressive way in which to put me down since he made more than quadruple what I made in a year and could afford to go on vacations, buy nice "toys" and whatnot. It sounds as if it's not so bad, but it really fucks up your sense of independence when someone laughs at your face at the thought of you paying for something small like dinner. There is also the sense that the younger one should yield to the older one and I simply wasn't comfortable with that idea (well, maybe only in bed;)). Other friends I have that are in older-younger relationships seem to manage it well (to the point where some may call it gold-digging) but I guess I just don't have that submissiveness or "malleability" that is required to be in such a relationship.
R39
I'm 45 and have my eye on a guy who's about thirty years younger than me. I let him hang around my house and told him if he fixes up the extra car it's his. He tends to eat me out of house and home, but I buy him the nifty clothes and video games he fancies. He has to come over to use the gadgets his folks can't afford and wouldn't understand if they saw him with them. Sometimes he just wants to talk. I have him burning cds of MY music, LOL. And when his band practices in my garage, it's not above "gramps" to get out there and lay down some licks on the old Fender. Yeah, gramps can be pretty cool when it comes to escaping the drudgery of schoolwork.
Well, as long as it remains a "crush" I guess it's ok R44. Honestly, when I was 15 I was having "relationships" (read: lots of sex) with guys in their 40's. Of course it was wrong, but I wasn't exactly an innocent little flower at that age either.
Oh dear somene on here thinks that itergenerational relationships cant wok!!! How small minded! "Those who want to date guys ten yearsoutof there a rangehave issues! How insular can you be and I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I have been with my partner now for over 6 years and we are now in a civil partnership and very happy. Yes you are correct in your self analysis that you are a cynical person who is blinkered and probably has issues of your own to deal with and likes to take it out on people who have happy relationships. My partner is 14 years younger than me I am fourty and he is now 25. I have staight friends who have been together 16 years and they met when he was 53 and she was 23 so whoever you are your opinion is ludicrous to say the least and bigotted and you show yourself to be a very insular narrow minded person. Its people like you that set the communiy back 50 years ad more with your medieval ideas and opinions. It takes all sorts to make a world mate its about time you learned that and stopped trying to muddy other peoples partnerships with your cynical bull crap lol. GO DEAL WITH YOUR OWN ISSUES and leave others alone!
Callum
"22-year-old CHILD? You are the one with issues" Actually, most 22 year olds seem like more like 16 year olds these days, so the "child" label isn't that far off the mark. As for relationships where one person is much older than the other...I suppose some of them work out. But most of them don't, for the usual reason: the younger wants something from the older one, and it isn't love. It's money, security, a place to live, nice clothes, vacations, expensive restaurants, etc. You see celebrity couples where the guy is 20 or 30 years (or more!) older than his girlfriend or boyfriend; you think the young twink would have looked twice at his or her aging paramour if the poor old thing was just some Joe Shmoe off the street? In my opinion, most but not all May/December relationships are doomed to fail, because they're often based on nothing more than loneliness for the older one and greed for the younger one.
Similar age relationship are heterosexual based on the biological requirements of breeding and raising a family together. When you are talking about gay relationships, that is irrelevant. Adults do what Adults do.
r3 is right and the deluded old dudes on here arguing against it are well... you know... Of course there are exceptions! I'm sure there are many cases where the relationship is VERY healthy despite the age difference but those are NOT the rule when it comes to these things.
Well, my boy and I are doing just fine!
Simon Halls
Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy did it.
"Lord knows it is common in the heterosexual world so why not the gay world?" No, charlie, 30 year age differences are NOT common in the straight world, unless one of them is worth mega-millions $.
I am 30 and my partner is 50. We have been together for three years now and are still very happy. I have always been attracted to older men, and this one is absolutely perfect for me. We learn a lot from each other and it is a wonderful balance.
I heard that half your age plus seven is the rule of thumb as far as how young your partner can be.
r53, this thread is about old men AND young men, not about old men and slightly less older men.
I'm 60 and my partner is 50. We've been together 25 years.
Ma Joad
I like being with an older man because there is much less drama and a lot more stability - emotional, financial and otherwise.
Live and let live...Theres lots of hostility on here towards older / younger. Seriously who cares! They're both conscenting adults are they not? It is their business. I'm 37 and a guy that has been pursuing me is 23. So far nothing has happened. It's all a bit weird - not because of the age difference but because he has never been interested in guys before. So I have been distancing myself from him, with him in hot pursuit. So I'm kind of relenting to be honest. Having said that - the connection is strong. We have the same interests including the same career interests. There is an issue of lack of life experience, but to be honest I've dated guys my own age who sure do not have it together. And he is streaks ahead of them. Btw, I don't go for guys a lot younger than me. Sometimes these things just happen. In actual fact I've never before been interested in a guy 5 + years younger than me until this one guy. A straight couple I know are definitely soul mates. She is 57 and he is 29. She worries that she is keeping him from younger women. And he tells her to forget such nonsense. He wants to marry her. Why should a thrid party looking into their "world" tell them that their love is wrong? The question people should be asking is -Is this person right for you? If they say "Yes" accept it and move on. If the relationship falls apart it is THEIR lesson to learn. I'm sure there are things in every life that someone out there considers a judgeable offence.
Anonymous
In older days, it was because young people were more positive and less cynical and negative than older people, so the older folk were drawn to them when they felt that first wintry chill of death tapping on their shoulder. Not today. Young uns are more cynical and pessimistic and the old ones seem hopelessly naive and clueless.
I knew one successful gay couple with nearly 30 year age difference, but the old guy (now deceased) had a fortune and the younger guy (when they met) was selling sofas at Sears.
[R59] Another gross generalisation that seems to populate these posts. There are many younger guys that are still bright eyed and optimistic. Personally it sounds more like your world-view that you are projecting onto the population at large. In your view - ALL older people are naive and ALL younger people are pessimistic. Seriously not all older / younger couples will work out. Not all are genuinely in love. Just like not all are suger daddies / gold diggers. Though a lot are. The generalisations on these posts really do my head in.
Anonymous
So OP was Joe Simpson? A 20 year age difference between a 40 year old and a 60 year old is doable albeit tough since the pair is dealing with different developmental issues (middle age job goals vs late adulthood retirement and body deterioration). If it's only a 20 year age difference it's likelier to last than a 30 year and MORE difference which is what the OP asked about. Read his question. OP's saying, will a 30 year old stick with the 60 year old. For a period of time is possible but then you have the person in late adulthood dealing with issues like illness, infirmity, dementia, etc that a 40 something year old might not be willing to stick by. Same thing between a 50 year old and a 20 year old. It ain't going to be forever. Let's face facts. Unless there is cash and a will.
realist
I'm a man in my mid-50s who worked briefly earlier in the year with a 26-year old transplanted, married man & fellow attorney. We immediately hit it off, with him referring to our chemistry, and telling one of our colleagues that we had a bromance. Since our work relationship ended a couple of months ago, we went to a basketball game together (at his suggestion), where I thought we were largely in the friend zone (although, without any provocation, he shoulder-bumped me &, after a beer, his glazed eyes appeared to come closer to mine). But mostly it's been texts and e-mails which we've both originated (we live about an hour away from each other). When he went on vacation a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to think of him on the beach when it was snowing where we live. I responded that he could rest assured that I would be thinking of him (as if I'm not already obsessing over this wonderful man). Since I thought that this might be a little too forward (yes, I'm quite cautious when it comes to matters of the heart), & scare him away, I decided I best give him some space & wait to see if he responded on his return. I waited several days, but last Friday I got a text from him. Since we had often spoken of going to some baseball games together (although he's a huge fan of his home state team), I asked him if he wanted to take an extra ticket I had avalable for a game on Tuesday. He immediately expressed interest, but said he had to check with his wife when he got home that night. I didn't hear from him again until 2 days later, Sunday night, when he said he wanted to go if the ticket was still available. More interestingly, he apologized for the "radio silence" and said he'd talk about that when we went to the game. Since then, I've received a number of texts from him expressing how excited he is, & how much he is looking forward to tonight. I'm meeting him in a little over 2 hours. Does anyone have any thoughts on the "radio silence" he wants to talk about?
I'm a 32 year old guy in a relationship with a 62 year old guy. We've been together for about five years and we get along great, really like each other, have lots of fun. The worst part is all the judging: not from straight people, but from other gays. That just strikes me as so weird. Here's a group of people whom other people judge all the time, who constantly ask society to stop judging them about their homosexuality, and they're the most judgmental when it comes to agism.
R64, a friend of mine has a similar problem. He's 34 and he's been dating a 63-year-old man for about a year. My friend's Chinese and his boyfriend is a white American. A lot of gay men from his circle as well as his boyfriend's have been very judgmental about their relationship, and many of them have even called my friend a gold digger who's only after a green card. Pretty disgusting attitudes, really.
The background music for "Jaws" should be playing in R63's post.
It will end in tears.
Here's to a happy ending, R63.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVtkVFd1jPE
R63 better keep that wallet in a zipper pocket.
Meh, Front Runner
R68, my young friend has more family money than I'll ever dream of having.
R63
Thanks R67!
R63
Post-game report. While the two of us, despite the gulf in our age, get along so famously and effortlessly as equals, I felt 100% the deep friendship vibe tonight. But it was good to have him compliment me on my warmth & kindness, and, when I told him that I was taunted in grade school, to hear him question if they were harassing handsome boys (earlier in the evening he had said I should be in front of the camera with my good looks). We made plans to take in more games. And his wife, who keeps hearing about me, wants to join us for a game. My friend asked if I'd be okay with her interrupting our "man date." No tears tonight, R66.
R63
That may be R70, but rich people will nickel and dime you to death.
r72, he is MARRIED. Or do you not have any morals?
R72, maybe your friend wants a 3-way?
He's 58, I'm 46 - 12 year age difference. We met, fell instantly in love. Been together 2 years now. The sex is incredible still (3X a day). No regrets.
R44, if you're 45, and the guy you're preying on is "about thirty years younger" than you, he is under 18. There's a problem right there. OP, that "one couple where they met when the younger guy was in his early 20's and the older guy was in his 40's" does not have the "more than thirty year" age difference you're asking about.
Do%20the%20math
R76, how the hell do you fall "instantly in love?" Are you simple minded?
Oh god. Relationships are complex, and often carry overtones of other categories of relationships that are not spoken of. Beyond the fucking, there are two lives to be lived full of changes and challenges. Sometimes a partner is a lover, a friend, a sibling, yes and even a parent. The roles are fluid and can flip. Really lucky people find someone and navigate those things together. The rest of us make do and then judge everyone else's situations according to a limited rubric. I had one such great partner, older than me by 21 years. It wasn't a matter of needing a daddy, although I benefitted from his maturity. We were together until he died. Since then I have had one LTR and a few subsequent lesser connections with "appropriate" age mates. None of them came even close, but I make do.
[quote]Deluded old geezers with boys who have daddy issues? Cliche. Done. Next Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner.
[quote]Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner. Does that suggest that everyone has mommy issues?
R3 may have used caps and appears a bit pissy. But he's correct. Quite correct, in fact.
No. But I don't know a lot of long term success stories in any kind of relationship, gay or straight, age similar or age disparate, married or not.
When I was 21, I started a relationship with a 41-year old. Or, I should say, he started a relationship with me. Personally, I think it was a supremely stupid idea on both of our parts: I was too inexperienced and just coming out; I had no gay life at all: no gay friends; had never been on a date with a man; had never had sex. I basically accepted the very first opportunity I had. Everything we ever did was his idea, and I always went along with whatever he said. He knew exactly how inexperienced I was, and should have known better. I think he dopily fell in "love" with me. I doubted I was in love but said it anyway, since I didn't know what love was supposed to feel like anyway. It lasted three strange years, by the end of which I had started to make friends my own age, wanted to go out to bars and clubs, and in general wanted to do things gay 20-somethings do, including having sex with other gay 20-somethings. Now that I am the same age that he was when we first met, I get a bit resentful when I think about it. I look at 20 year olds as basically children, and have no more interest in serious social interactions with them than I would 10 year olds. I suppose counter-examples exist out there, but I am wildly skeptical of May-December romance (MD and CZJ notwithstanding). I think it's a bad idea for both parties, with a healthy dose of naivete on at least one side, probably both.
[quote]years later daddy had a stroke. Not long after, son found a new daddy on the net with a working cock. Buh bye old, infirm daddy. This seems more a result of being male than a result of the age difference. It seems like for a lot of guys, sex is more important than the emotional bond.
[quote]Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner. My parents married when my Mom was 30 and my Dad was 47. I never detected any Mommy or Daddy issues between them. I what I saw was a lot of love, maturity, mutual respect and humor.
R3 you must be tops on absolutely EVERYONE'S party list with that charming way you have about you! I imagine, based on how you present yourself in writing, that a person could spend exactly 53 seconds with you before wanting to throttle you senseless.
I'm 42, and in love with a 32 year old. While I'm financially stable, he's loaded.
I need a loaded hubby!
Mine was loaded about 50% of the time. It's one of the reasons that we broke up.