How many gay men were molested as kids and think that makes them gay?

I am a lawyer and one my clients told me on Friday that he was molested as a young boy and that made him gay. I told him that you can''t make a person gay. But I also thought that if I had been raised in a community where gays acts were taboo, I too might grow up thinking that way. Or maybe it is just self-hate.%0D\ %0D\ I don''t believe you can make a person gay, but can your actions toward them convince them that they are gay? Just asking.

They''re looking for an ''excuse'' to explain their ''perversion''. Lots of straight guys were molested and stayed straight. It''s just a coincidence that the priest diddled you and you ended up gay or bi.
I remember my intense same-sex attraction in second grade, and my Easy Bake oven and Barbie doll, and that all of these occurred many years before anyone ever diddled my privates.
Maybe some of the kids were noticeably gay as children and that attracted the molesters.
waht will be interesting about this thread is how many women wont be able to help themselves and offer their 2-bit opinion about something that has nothing to do with them or that they are completely incapable of understanding. It is... yes, OFFENSIVE.
gay male separatist
OP implies that our being gay caused the molestation. We were PUNISHED for being gay.
R3 I tend to agree with this for boys. This is why gay kids should be better mentored when growing up to stay away from predators.
Of course you can make a person gay. That''s what happened to me. Not that I AM gay, I just struggle with homosexuality.
Ted Haggard
No, it cannot "make you gay". Just ask any therapist. But it sure can create other problems...
RIGHT... lol... and all the lezzies running around got held down and had their carpet munched by their mothers, aunts - or some predatory nuns?\ \ \ PLEEEEEEEEZ
MHB
[quote]waht\ \ Oh dear.
You just know MHB just fantasizes about that.
Molestation can''t make you gay. However, it can cause severe sexual problems (including sexual identity and performance problems) in later life. I believe there is a lot of evidence on all of this. Perhaps, OP, your client falls in that category.
I''d rather spend the rest of my life with carpet munching lezbos rather than that human turd MHB.%0D\ %0D\ Just sayin.
How come no one ever speculates that someone was turned straight by molestation when they should have been gay?
I wasn''t and no one I know closely was. as a matter of fact, a lot of my closest gay friends grew up under dull yet supportive June/Ward Cleaver like circumstances.
It doesn''t turn you gay but some predators will target kids who seem gay,it happened to my friend & he felt like it was his fault because he was attracted to boys & that the guy must have known that.
There does seem to be quite a lot of guys who where molested who do turn out to be gay, but it always pisses me off when religious bigots cite molestation as a cause of homosexuality,maybe more gay men tell that they were molested because they don''t feel as stigmatized by it as straight guys do.
Ex gay Ex
MHB is calling himself a gay male separatist now?
It does fuck with your sexual identity quite a bit. There''s the whole same of being a victim which leads you into thinking that your sexual identity is wrong. As you get older and sort through it, though it leaves some scars and some fetishes.
When I was 5 by a teen at a public pool
Ooops that should be SHame of being a victim. At even at 5 before this happened I know I was gay, but being diddled by a teen just fucked with with my identity for a while.
R19
R3 is correct. A predator is more likely to target a child who appears vulnerable or who is marginalised.
Molestation can encourage a child to be gay or bi- because it can introduce gay pleasureable sex to a young child who learns to very much enjoy it.
You are sick, R22.
You obviously know nothing about psychology, child development nor effects of molestation, R23.
No.
Not molested and parents are still together.
r23\ Ever heard of pleasure responses or pleasure pathways?being molested can fuck with your mind.It could possibly give you some bi tendencies or thoughts even if you were straight,but I suspect most straight guys just kill the thoughts with alcohol or drugs rather than act on them.
I know
I believe you are born gay or not. To think that someone who is molested makes them gay is playing right into the hands of people who think gay people can''t be trusted around children.%0D\ %0D\ I agree with the posters who believe the molesters pick up on the vulnerability of a kid who is gay and seperated from the rest of his peers.
R22
I definitely think people are born gay,being molested does not make anyone gay. The religious idiots touting these theories add to the shame & trauma men/boys feel when they have been molested, but you also cannot discount the Psychological problems molestation can cause,that''s too simplistic.
I was molested & it use to make me cringe when someone gay male or female said they were molested,Oh that''s why they''re gay because they were molested or she became a lesbian cause she is scared of men.It won''t make you gay,but I was a very sensitive kid & I think these %&##@** are looking for vulnerable kids.
I know it''s dangerous territory...but does anyone think it''s closet cases who molest boys?
I can only speak for myself when I say that I can find nothing in my past that would "Make me gay." I have recognized that I had an attraction to males very early in life (Around age 7 or so). I had several playmates that I would regularily have experimental sex with. No adult ever approached me in a sexual manner is what I have deduced from years of sould searching and recollection.
"but does anyone think it''s closet cases who molest boys?"%0D\ %0D\ No. %0D\ %0D\ There was an Australian study 15 years ago (perhaps by the Australian Institute of Criminology) that suggested that child sexual abuse tends to come from 2 main sources: (i) people who are opportunist in relation to sex and (ii) people who are sexually attracted to children - with the former being greater in number and the latter tending to have more victims.
I was abused by a parent and I don''t think it made me gay but it did other really bad things to me. Like I have trust issues galore, I have trouble in relationships sexually, I dislike sex in general, I pick men who are inappropriate for me, I used to abuse alcohol, I hate my family generally for allowing this to happen, I hated myself for years and years and years until I figured out I was just a child and what happened to me was not my fault.\ \ My father is dead now and I am glad he is gone.
a gay man
R22 and R26 are ABSOLUTELY correct whether you all choose to believe him or now.
Never was molested here. Never even saw a non-family member naked until Boy Scout camp.\ \ But my first guy-crushes started in 4th grade.
It can work the other way too.. I was molested as a kid for years by a catholic priest (im a girl) it made me never want sex with a man again.. I dont think I was a lez before that happened. There might be conditional gayness..
The gay hating Muslims and fraus have really taken over DL. Wow. So sad.
This thread is stark proof of precisely what I say and get roundly hated on for it.\ \ That is... the fish have no boundaries and feel uberentitled to just flap their labyia mahora about anything that seems to be the focus of conversation of the people whose attention they CRAVE: gay men.\ \ No woman has any right to comment on this. It is a thread about molestation of men. These same women get totally up in arms every time a man discusses anything that has to do with pregnancy or their uteris... so fuck them. \ \ yet, here they are, trying to tell MEN what male sexuality and male psyche is about.\ \ Go on back in the sea, miss fish. You have no standing in this discussion.
mhb
But,R32 \ There was an Australian study 15 years ago (perhaps by the Australian Institute of Criminology) that suggested that child sexual abuse tends to come from 2 main sources: (i) people who are opportunist in relation to sex and (ii) people who are sexually attracted to children - with the former being greater in number and the latter tending to have more victims.\ \ They may be sexually attracted to children but\ people who molest children usually molest boys or girls only occasionally do they abuse both,as I said dangerous territory but these are men who are attracted to male children thus unfortunately the closet theory.
\ R36\ It can work the other way too.. I was molested as a kid for years by a catholic priest (im a girl) it made me never want sex with a man again.. I dont think I was a lez before that happened. There might be conditional gayness..\ \ How can you never want to have sex with a man AGAIN..if it happened to you when you were a child? It would also be pretty unusual for a young girl to think she was a lez.Female sexuality is not usually very defined at such a young age.
R22/24 is a homophobic piece of shit. She is all over the NPH/David Burtka thread. \ \ OP starts this same thread every few months.
I don''t want play into the hands of the fundie idiots but straight men are abusers so are gay\ men unfortunately.It''s ridiculous to say all gay people are a danger to children but to deny that they could abuse is just as ignorant.
This belief that all gay men were made gay by being molested always pisses me off. I was never molested and I''ve known I was gay since I reached puberty at age 13. It''s ignorant and absurd.
What is worse, my father was a school teacher.
R33 still gay and always knew I was
R39/40/42 is fucked in the head. Most male abuses of children (like over 90%), including boys are MEN. They are not sexually attracted to adult men. You are an obvious troll.
MHB, you dumb fucker. If you really think lesbians have no part in this discussion THEN WHY DID BRING THEM UP?%0D\ %0D\ "RIGHT... lol... and all the lezzies running around got held down and had their carpet munched by their mothers, aunts - or some predatory nuns?%0D\ %0D\ PLEEEEEEEEZ"%0D\ %0D\ Oh, and you make a perfectly good point with that, by the way. %0D\ %0D\ But might I suggest you start putting your energy towards getting a fucking job, nutcase. Your omnipresence on here speaks to the fact that you probably have NO job and No life outside of Datalounge.
R45\ \ How many Catholic priests become priests to hide their sexuality, you would have to be stupid sorry, fucked in the head to think most of them choose celibacy for any other reason. The ones who molest boys,are you saying that if they had the opportunity to have sex with grown men they would still choose boys?Their crimes are crimes of opportunity.Who believes most priests are straight??\ You''re view of sexuality is naive.I''m no troll
R[45]\ Michael Jackson he didn''t seem gay at all.I''m trying to make a case that fucked up sexuality &\ sexual repression could make somebody become pedophile.
R47/48 yes you are a troll. If you are too much of an idiot to realize that sexual abuse is more about control/power then sexual attraction then there is no hope for you. Honey you are fucked in the head and trying to find a reason for being gay. You''re view of sexuality is fucked up and demented. \ \ Closet cases marry women and fuck around with men at parks, trooms, etc... they don''t molest kids you freak. You are probably a pedophile.
Michael Jackson didn''t seem gay? What? I don''t even know how to respond to that. How about you start by watching "This is It".
Very recently I uncovered the memory of my childhood sexual abuse by my stepfather. I was molested and photographed at the very least, and I think he may have made me give him oral. I was no older than 6 or 7. I'm not sure if it made me gay but it certainly fucked me up. I was aggressively sexual with other children all through my youth and have always had trouble making friends and trusting people even to this day. I was sullen and withdrawn for years and didn't really come out of my shell until I was maybe 23 or 24. I STILL have major trust issues with people. When I was a young teen (14) I also molested two younger brothers I think one once and the other twice. I guess some switch flipped and I knew that the behavior was wrong and it never happened again. It is the one thing in my life I'm deeply ashamed of and I'm in therapy now to deal with the abuse and I hope to apologize and make amends with them for what happened, because I have no relationship with them and I want to but I know that that may never happen. I went through most of my life thinking that I wasn't "right" and that I was worthless and what happened with my brothers was some sort of indication that I was some freaky molester at heart, until I realized what happened to me and that I have zero attraction to little kids. I don't know why I'm sharing all this and I'm sure I'll get roundly flamed for some reason or another, but I guess I just hate that this happens to people. I hate that it happened to me, and I wonder about the person I could've been if I hadn't been taken advantage of and damaged at such a young age. My stepfather has been dead for years and I assume he's burning in hell for what he did. I'm having major issues with my mother right now though, because I blame her for not being present enough with me to know that something was seriously wrong.
r49 Again Catholic priests straight?Gay men never touch an underage boy?Michael Jackson straight pedophile,not closet gay & a pedophile?\ You must not be able to grasp the fact that gay men can abuse children too."pedophiles are not attracted to kids they want to control them",Thats RAPE not sexual abuse. you cannot say what closet cases do, how do you know? No one knows what everyone does,you rely on stereotypes,Don''t call me honey..\ I''m sorry for introducing a discussion you are not ready for. You should never ever call someone you don''t know a pedophile.That''s pretty shameful.
I could defend myself a lot better but you don''t deserve the truth.
R[50]\ That was sarcasm.You proved my point though,who could deny Michael Jackson was gay?
[quote]You should never ever call someone you don''t know a pedophile.That''s pretty shameful.%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ When I see people like R49 doing that, I think of George Rekers, a man who makes a living testifying against gays and he''s gay. Here we''ve got R49 tossing out accusations. I think the poor guy has some very serious problems.
(49)I never talked about myself how can you assume anything about me.I never said being molested makes you gay I said the opposite.
r40, I had friends who already knew they were gay, this happened to me in middle school so I wasnt super young. I was just grossed out by the priest''s uncircumcised penis and would just rather never see another one again.. It was the first one I ever saw and I just associated male genitalia with doing stuff I would rather never do. Now, even as a lesbian, I have no interest in dildos that resemble a penis. I was asexual for a very long time. I didnt want nothin from nobody. It fucked up intimacy for me in general. But if I never see a penis again it would be too soon.
r36
Anyone who thinks gay men can''t be pedophiles google:Wheeler & Urquart kidnap,Australia\ Sorry I tried to post a link but it gets rejected.
[quote]It''s just a coincidence that the priest diddled you and you ended up gay or bi.\ \ I think the priests targeted the gay boys. They were more likely to form emotional attachments to a male figure since their relationships with their fathers and older brothers were likely strained by their homosexuality.
R56 This is why I''m an atheist.Fuck them all.
I was molested by a family friend (a man in his 30s) when I was in the second and third grade.%0D\ %0D\ It didn''t make me gay. In fact, I thought for a long time I instigated it because I had a huge and obvious crush on this man before he started molesting me. I followed him around like a lovesick puppy dog. I had terrible guilt for decades, thinking I had somehow asked for it by adoring this man so much.%0D\ %0D\ It really fucked me up because I loved the attention but really felt completely uncomfortable with the sexual nature of it.%0D\ %0D\ I have many sexual hang-ups now as an adult and most of it is traced back to this part of my life.
Trolldar R52/53. He/she/it has an unhealthy obsession with gay men molesting children. R54 rapes grandmothers.
Remember when DL used to be a fun gay site before the fraus and religious zealots took it over?
Good times
R62, there is also an influx of whacked out, mentally unbalanced, emotionally disturbed apparent gay men onto Datalounge like R41, R45, R49.
"Michael Jackson he didn''t seem gay at all.I''m trying to make a case that fucked up sexuality & sexual repression could make somebody become pedophile."%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ Um...his best friends were Liz Taylor and Liza Minnelli. Of course he was gay. Don''t get me wrong, I know damn well that most pedos aren''t gay, and I hate it when straight people misrepresent the pedophilia issue to attack gays. But there are some gay pedophiles and I believe Michael Jackson was one of them.%0D
While I believe you can''t make someone gay, I think an overbearing mother has more influence on a son being gay than a molester does.
R54 your right.
R[61]\ You are probably talking about a person who has an obsession about being molested by a gay man because they were.
R61 he/she/it. Calling someone "it" is transgender bias.How dare you.you are so hateful.I wouldn''t expect to deal with that street level bullshit on DL.
IT
If another person calls me IT I swear__________\ Try being fucking stared at & have people whispering shit about you.But I never heard this shit on datalounge before.
R68
It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again.
R66, it is ''you are right'' or:%0D\ %0D\ you''re right%0D\ %0D\ It is NOT ''your right''.
Meltdown at[68]&[69]
Molested children grow up to be grammar queens. (r71)
R71 You should start a sentence with a capital letter.........''You are boring'' or You''re boring.
Either way it''s true!
R71 do you correct your friends?
DL =the only site on the internet where spelling is corrected.
Relax bitches please!!!
It is not a matter of spelling, R76.%0D\ %0D\ It is a matter of knowing the difference between:%0D\ %0D\ your%0D\ %0D\ you are%0D\ %0D\ you''re%0D\ %0D\ That has nothing to do with ''spelling''
R77, your post has nothing to do with spelling, either, but it does have everything to do with your being an anal-retentive bitch.
Maybe it was a typo
Are you a teacher?People past a certain age...lets say 10, want to express their feelings.... fuck precise or correct use of words/verbs/grammar or whatever.That''s why I''m an artist & your a ? teacher imagine if the world was full of people like you.... we wouldn''t have half the art or technology we do because someone would have stopped all creative & open minded people because they didn''t think correctly.
Exhale.........
R77 you cannot control people welle use bad spelling if we want
R77 reminds me of my great aunt,she use to have a problem with the way people said saw! they pronounced it wrong apparently, I still can''t see how that can be done!anyhow she was a 90 year old woman.
A young boy who is molested does not associate that treatment with sex, because he doesn''t know what sex is. Probably he doesn''t even realize what happened and that it was sex until long after puberty.%0D\ So no, there is no conscious link between molestation and sexuality.%0D\ Whether or not there is a subconscious link only scientists can determine. So far, they have not been able to. Victims cannot have this knowledge. Christians cannot have this knowledge.%0D
Molestation often carrie thru into the teens.%0D\ %0D\ Of course, the teen knows what sex is. And he can deride pleasure from it.%0D\ %0D\ And, of course, it can contribute to the teen being gay in his teens and into adulthood.
"And, of course, it can contribute to the teen being gay in his teens and into adulthood."%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ Um....no%0D\ %0D
I like how a people start the let''s pretend were..treads.There is a lot of that on DL
R84, I know you are going by the ''everyone who is gay is born gay'' but that axiom does not really apply to EVERYONE.%0D\ %0D\ Some males develop into homosexuals thru molestation or domineering mothers, for example.
R86 What did I tell you about going to that NASTY\ site.Thats IT!!Your grounded!
R86 you''re a liar who knows nothing.
"Some males develop into homosexuals thru molestation or domineering mothers, for example."%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ No, they don''t. %0D\ %0D
The "domineering mother" theory has been completely debunked by psychologists. Gay men are no more likely to have had a domineering mother than straight men.%0D\ %0D\ And R86, please show me the data supporting your notion that molestation leads to the development of homosexuality later. I''ll be waiting.
Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
My mother molested me. I do not know whether that, in itself, made me gay, but I do know that it made me sexually active at a very young age. At that time I was mainly with other boys, so my sexual activity took that direction. Had I been surrounded by girls, I may have become a pussy hound and Bush lover.
R90, it does not matter what psychologists happen to ''think''. What matters is scientific studies gather data on the issue.%0D\ %0D\ Scientific studies have shown a correlation between domineering mothers and gay sons.%0D\ %0D\ If you choose not to believe it, you are free to.
Those domineering mothers had gay sons because they inherited to gay genes from their poor father who was snared by frau frauen frauist who knew the man was gay & didn''t care.
gay gene?%0D\ %0D\ I don''t think science has found that a ''gay gene'' exists.
It's not what psychologist trained as researchers "think." It is what is supported by empirical evidence. And again I ask you to provide your references to the data. Who are the authors to those those "scientific studies" you allude to? What types of methodology did they use? Did they control for other variables (covariates) that could have led to this correlation? Did they rule out any competing hypotheses that could have explained the data? Were any of these studies performed before the 1980s? Studies conducted after the '80s rubbished previous findings that were conducted by using poor methodology.%0D %0D And since you purport to be so interested in scienctic studies, the first cardinal rule about understanding correlation is that correlation does not imply or provide any definitive evidence for causation. That's Statistics 101, my dear.%0D %0D In the olden days, along with the "domineering mother" theory of homosexuality, there was the partner theory of the absent or uninvolved father theory. I'm surprised you didn't bring that up.%0D %0D And before you go on about my biases. I'm neither gay nor a male. Yes, I violated the boundaries. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.%0D %0D
R90
R93 was being sarcastic, but of course you didn''t up on it because you''re so damn humorless.
I''m working on it bitches.
I don''t understand why the OP thinks that someone who has been molested thinking that the molestation has caused his gayness is exhibiting self-hate.%0D\ %0D\ Why would thinking molestation has caused one''s own gayness be self-hate?
R90 You in danger girl!
You''re decompensating R98. Read the OP again. He never mentioned self hate.
I know R93 was joking. And my reply was in jest too.%0D\ %0D\ Since the absentee, distant father theory and the domineering mother theory have been debunked, then I guess you are stuck with the ''all gays are born gay'' theory.%0D\ %0D\ Theories in psychology are often cyclical. The theories will recur later in cycles.%0D\ %0D\ Talk theory was popular. Then treatment with medication was highly prefered. Now talk therapy is coming back in vogue.%0D\ %0D\ The same will probably be true of gay theories.%0D\ %0D\ I highly doubt that no gay sons result from distant, absentee, uninvolved fathers and/or domineering mothers. Popular thought will come around again to find that this situation is true in some cases.
The OP''s exact words in his original opening post are:%0D\ %0D\ ''Or maybe it is just self-hate''%0D
Being molested doesn''t affect your natural sexual orientation.\ \ What DOES affect is how you deal with sex, how you trust or not trust other people, and how integrated, or not integrated your emotional and sexual lives are.\ \ Being molested does not alter the gender that attracts you.
R98, because he is accepting the explanation offered by the Christian Right that if he was molested it must have caused his gayness.%0D\ But this is not a scientific view and they have no basis other than wishful thinking for this assertion.%0D\ To adopt their thinking absent any evidence shows clear self-hate.%0D
DL is overtaken by EX gays.
didn''t have a domineering mother, and dad was neither absent nor distant. not molested either.\ \ just turned out gay. it happens, so deal.
R103, how can you say that is true in 100 percent of cases?%0D\ %0D\ What makes you think it is true in 100 percent of cases?%0D\ %0D\ And R103, why have some in the Chritian Right adopted the idea that molestion causes some males to become gay? What is wrong with them thinking that? It certaining may be true that molestation does cause some males to become gay. What is wrong with some in the Christian Right believing that?%0D\ %0D\ It is obvious that molestation can cause some males to adopt gay behavior. That is some, not all.%0D\ %0D
R106, so what? No one is saying that those things are what causes all male gays to be gay.%0D\ %0D\ It just causes some male gays to have gay behavior.%0D\ %0D\ Your proclamation holds absolutely no weight. You say it like you are so proud that those things did not cause your gayness. You are way off base. No one is saying that all gayness is caused by those things.%0D\ %0D
Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_hoc_ergo_propter_hoc?wasRedirected=true
Your contention is that the christian right is saying that ALL gayness is caused by molestation?%0D\ %0D\ Or the christian right is saying that molestation causes some men adopt gay behavior and gay sex?
NEITHER of which is correct.
So is it true that some in the christian right are waying that molestation causes some males to become gay?%0D\ %0D\ If so, why is the christian right saying this? I have never heard them say this. (although it may be true that molestation DOES cause SOME males to exhibit gay behavior and participate in gay sex)
r94...don''t know about a gay gene but there was an episode of "30 Rock" a couple years ago that developed a gay bomb that errupted and caused everyone in the room to be gay...that could happen...
Pedos are drawn to children who are troubled and vulnerable. Growing up gay can certainly cause trouble and make you vulnerable. It''s also a damn ugly way to be introduced to sexuality.
They say this all the time R112.%0D
I knew a guy once that was molested in a swimming pool when he was young, and he was sure that is what made him gay.
r38 is a woman hating faggot that can''t handle the truth!! Enjoy those muslims girlie man, they LOVE the gays!!!
I know for a fact that I am confused sexually do to phychological maladjustment in childhood!!
"I knew a guy once that was molested in a swimming pool when he was young, and he was sure that is what made him gay."%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ Or he wants to believe that is what made him gay because he is looking for something to blame%0D\ %0D
"And R103, why have some in the Chritian Right adopted the idea that molestion causes some males to become gay? What is wrong with them thinking that? It certaining may be true that molestation does cause some males to become gay. What is wrong with some in the Christian Right believing that?"%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ Are you a complete idiot? Christians want to believe that homosexuality is a mental illness, not something that is natural. That is why they think being gay is caused by molestation. DL fave Lisa Whelchel is on record as saying that being molested makes people gay. But she''s a moron like you, so of course she''d believe that.%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ And if having a "domineering mother" makes you gay then all Jewish men would be gay!%0D\ %0D
Six.
being gay is not natural!
sadly gays have been molested. ThIS is why TLPG had their slogan " sez before age 8 before it''s too late!"\ "
I think it can, there is a psychology study that shows that sometimes when things happen you get too ashamed and get overly protected which in turn makes you act gay sub consciously because you are constantly thinking in the back of your head about that situation and people see it as a weakness and call you gay even though in your head you are straight. fter a while of being called names you can begin to believe that you are gay even though you don't really want to. Same study shows that there are a few factors that people are gay and you really have to dig deep to kind of figure out who you are. If you feel what you are doing is wrong and feel shamed by what you are doing then chances are you are straight and think you are gay, usually happens to molestation victims. The brain has to be studied by the ego and honest intentions that are from the heart. If you are doing drugs all day and acting on homosexual desires chance that you are a sex addict combined with drug abuse and molestation are all factors that can weigh heavily on the pshycie. There are gay people that are completely comfortable with who they are and then there are bisexuals. You really have to do what your heart says. If you have to do drugs to feel good about a situation, chances are you are not happy with your self for some reason and you are acting out on pleasure responses. I know a girl that was pretty much forced to have sex with her cousin and she turned out having sexual relations with a girl because she did not have trust in men. Since bisexuality in women is accepted she decided to go that direction. She told me once she looked passed the ego's answer to looking for sexual release as well as a good distrust set in at an early age she would have never dated a girl. After the drug abuse cleared from her early childhood trauma, she kind of looks back at disgust on dating girls. She just really didn't trust men. You also have to realise that almost no person gay or straight uses drugs can tell the truth. There is constant hidden motive and deceipt so getting the correct answer out of someone that uses drugs is nearly impossible. That is why I stated you have to look past the ego layer and get to where the heart is. A familiarity of Co dependence is built in molestation victims that look for sexual encounters with safe people or same sex people. They tend to be affraid to tell someone of the opposite sex out of fear of rejection or the idea that their secret might get to the wrong people. A person can truely only feel what he/she feels once clean from drugs etc. Now on the other hand there are completely healthy gay people to. These are the ones that can get along with straight people and don't mind poking fun at themselves or others because they are confident in themselves. There are many factors.
know one should claim all men were made gay by these means but that some may have been. sexual experience that is positive can lead to a return to that positive stimulus all primates do this. others may have other outside influences that trigger this misplaced attraction. it's the nurture argument, if u felt gay at an early age it does mean you would recognize how exposure to certain things may have effected that outcome. kids are very impressionable and sexual identity can be influenced just like any other behavior being developed at that stage of cognitive development. urges are natural even sexual ones much like eating is a natural behavior but people who eat noneatable things(pica) have had something alter the proper placement and expression of such urge, one that promotes health and happiness. I believe homosexuality is the same. any natural behavior can be misplaced the cause of that misplacement is unknown in every case. I would not place a blanket argument on molestation no more than I would say its all poor child rearing. it is probably unique in every case many different paths to the same end. how old or young you were when you felt gay then becomes irrelevant. all animals mate for procreation, what would be the naturalistic purpose of this? in science it is believed that a species tends toward that which promotes survival, am I to believe that this is the only case where nature tends towards extinction. pls don't point out animals who are not gay the may get mixed signals but none choose to do that which is detrimental to it's survival. it ironic that only the primates with the ability to choose what sexual behavior to engage in function in a manner that is not with the trends found in nature. other animals don't mate for pleasure we do go figure! I wasn't born with a fetish for my hand but once I found it could provide a positive stimulus I have had trouble not returning to it ever since. I learned this very young and just like any monkey kept repeating that which pleasures me. not all men who are gay fit this description just showing how some may have been influenced others like I said may have had different triggers!
I was a virgin well into my 20s (with men, I fooled around with girls in high school). No sexual abuse in my background. I still had exclusively same-sex attractions since age 13 and knew and acknowledged that I was gay as an adult long before I had sex with another male.
know one should claim all men were made gay by these means but that some may have been. any experience that is positive can lead to a return to that positive stimulus all primates do this. this is not to say all moles tees get any enjoyment from this but that in cases where orgasm is reached it would provide a positive stimulus. others may have had outside influences that trigger this misplaced attraction. it's the nurture argument, if you felt gay at an early age it does mean you would recognize how exposure to certain things may have effected that outcome. kids are very impressionable and sexual identity can be influenced just like any other behavior being developed at that stage of development. urges are natural even sexual ones much like eating is a natural urge but people who eat non-eatable things(pica) have had something alter the proper placement and expression of such an urge, one that promotes health and happiness. I believe homosexuality is the same. any natural behavior can be misplaced the cause of that misplacement is unknown in every case. I would not place a blanket argument on molestation no more than I would say its all poor child rearing. it is probably unique in every case many different paths to the same end. how old or young you were when you felt gay then becomes irrelevant. all animals mate for procreation, what would be the naturalistic purpose of this? in science it is believed that a species tends towards that which promotes survival, am I to believe that this is the only case where nature tends towards extinction. please don't point out animals who are not gay they may get mixed signals from time to time but will return to that which promotes survival. none choose to do that which is detrimental to it's survival as a lifestyle. it's ironic that only the primates with the ability to choose what sexual behavior to engage in function in a manner that is not with the trends found in nature, yet claim it's natural. other animals don't mate for pleasure we do go figure! I wasn't born with a fetish for my hand but once I found it could provide a positive stimulus I have had trouble not returning to it ever since. I learned this very young and just like any monkey kept repeating that which pleasures me. not all men who are gay fit this description just showing how some may have been influenced, others like I said may have had different triggers! but I believe nature teaches us the answer does not lie with it, if so I would expect to find nature repeating this with other species at the same rate. we do not so I believe the answer to be nurture and contrary to nature.
know one should claim all men were made gay by these means but that some may have been. any experience that is positive can lead to a return to that positive stimulus all primates do this. this is not to say all moles tees get any enjoyment from this but that in cases where orgasm is reached it would provide a positive stimulus. others may have had outside influences that trigger this misplaced attraction. it's the nurture argument, if you felt gay at an early age it doesn't mean you would recognize how exposure to certain things may have effected that outcome. kids are very impressionable and sexual identity can be influenced just like any other behavior being developed at that stage of development. urges are natural even sexual ones much like eating is a natural urge but people who eat non-eatable things(pica) have had something alter the proper placement and expression of such an urge, one that promotes health and happiness. I believe homosexuality is the same. any natural behavior can be misplaced the cause of that misplacement is unknown in every case. I would not place a blanket argument on molestation no more than I would say its all poor child rearing. it is probably unique in every case many different paths to the same end. how old or young you were when you felt gay then becomes irrelevant. all animals mate for procreation, what would be the naturalistic purpose of this? in science it is believed that a species tends towards that which promotes survival, am I to believe that this is the only case where nature tends towards extinction. please don't point out animals who are not gay they may get mixed signals from time to time but will return to that which promotes survival. none choose to do that which is detrimental to it's survival as a lifestyle. it's ironic that only the primates with the ability to choose what sexual behavior to engage in function in a manner that is not with the trends found in nature, yet claim it's natural. other animals don't mate for pleasure we do go figure! I wasn't born with a fetish for my hand but once I found it could provide a positive stimulus I have had trouble not returning to it ever since. I learned this very young and just like any monkey kept repeating that which pleasures me. not all men who are gay fit this description just showing how some may have been influenced, others like I said may have had different triggers! but I believe nature teaches us the answer does not lie with it, if so I would expect to find nature repeating this with other species at the same rate. we do not so I believe the answer to be nurture and contrary to nature.
Are we supposed to decipher that mess you posted, R127?
if you can read and have atleast a highschool education it's self explanatory and selection is the process by which nature weeds out that which does not promote survival.
Oops I mean natural selection
Since you can't punctuate, I really can't see what a high school education or Darwin has anything to do with the bat shit crazy you posted repeatedly. Congratulations for beating trolldar, though.
R130, do YOU have a high school diploma? You clearly know nothing about capitalization, punctuation, line breaks or how to form a coherent sentence.
I wasn't trying to use proper grammar because my phone will finish words automatically. So I don't usually follow up on punctuation, plus this isn't a term paper but trust I'm very educated. I never mentioned Darwin that is an entirely different convo! I just mentioned nature vs. nuture, if vulgar comments and a grammar check is all you have to add then I digress! you are definitely too smart for me.
In the future I will make sure to first check with you on punctuation before I post. Nonetheless, my post will remain unaddressed by you, instead you want to bicker about me not punctuating to your liking. It's 6am here so forgive me if that wasn't the first thing on my mind. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. I believe my statements were coherent enough for a person of average intelligence to comprehend. So please stop diverting attention and address it, or else say nothing, either way my point is proven!
If you want your post to be read and absorbed in the spirit you intended, you should present it in a coherent manner. There might be a point to the mess you posted, but no one can be bothered figuring out what that is because you lazily and thoughtlessly rendered it into a form that is unappealing and difficult to understand. In other words: we can't be bothered to read that crap. Is English your second language? If not and you're over 15, you have no excuse for your rambling and indecipherable posts. Punctuation is never optional, regardless of time of day or what time zone you're posting from. The same goes for the rules about capitalization, and the common sense that tells anyone with a brain that a long, unbroken string of single-spaced lines is very difficult to read. The return key is your friend, dear. Organize your thoughts into paragraphs, like they taught you in 4th grade. See how I did it? These sentences are set apart from the others in my posts, which are organized into paragraphs that each express a complete thought or grouping of ideas. This is the paragraph where I point out what a paragraph is. Get it? If you're not quite awake enough to compose a comprehensible post, perhaps you should go back to bed or wait until after you've had your coffee and a shower before posting. No one on Datalounge is waiting with bated breath for your first posting of the day, Anonymous @ R135.
Let get this right, you the have time to give lessons on grammar and line breaks but can't address my post, huh? Well I guess you have won. Trust me, if iwanted to talk about grammar I would have joined another site. You call it crap most likely because you lack the inteligence to understand it and have no argument for it. I would never sacrifice punctuation, grammar, or line breaks to those that matter most. However, in this case it was not my first concern. Some how this has so perplexed you, that now it's all you can address. Your either childish or stubborn both are serious defects in adult behavior, so like I previously said, I digress! How's that for punctuation?
Have your mental health issues been diagnosed, R137? We all know the highly-intelligent are prone to such disorders. PS: there are at least 3 different posters taking you to task for your sloppy writing.
[quote]Let get this right, you the have time to give lessons on grammar and line breaks but can't address my post, huh? Wow, you're not kidding, you really are smart. Go back and read my first paragraph at R136, particularly the last sentence. It's amazing that you feel you're entitled to post so poorly, but the onus is on all of us to try and decipher what you wrote. It goes far beyond "poor grammar". I got as far as the third "sentence", when I spent 15 seconds figuring out that "moles tees" referred to victims of sexual abuse and not little shirts worn by subterranean mammals before I just gave up. Your writing is nothing short of an insult to its intended audience.
If you would like, I can email you the post again with proper grammar included but I still doubt you'd respond. You obviously know a lot about grammar, maybe you should teach it. I'll teach science, we'll see who is most sought after in the field of academia. If your not going to address my post then this is pointless chatter. I am sure of you intelligence in the area of English but not so sure when it comes to other topics. so I will wish you well and bid you a good day. Feel free to address what I wrote at any point! TRY to avoid asinine statements please.
I am aware of such disorders, are you? I think you meant to ask have I been diagnosed, right? well no such diagnosis is necessary, I'm fine. If you would like me to address all of you separately than I apologize. Yet, here we go again not addressing my post! which I'm sure you read. if you are gay than I understand your resentment of this post. Also I'm typing on a phone and doing a ok job of it, I think! if
And I might add I'm not the only one to use long paragraphs to address this topic. it's just that when people have nothing to refute it with they choose to fixate on the mundane instead.
Give it a rest, grammar cunts. How about trying to get laid this weekend?
LOL. Or should Spell that out too! hope you get my sarcasm! good comment! and the mole tees was finished by my phone, but if it took you 15 seconds to decipher, than your kind of slow. When unsure go with the one that fits contextually, just a hint. jeez louiseez!
I think there are some people who indulge in gay sex as a result of molestation, but it is very clear who and quite quickly. They don't make the best dates...
That whole theory is bullshit. I know this guy that's my age (45), and I've known him since we were teenagers. Believe me, he's queer as a bean. But he was one of the ones that chose to get married, have kids, and create a family that he shouldn't have. Now he's separated and miserable. His latest claim is that the reason he's having sexual identity problems is that he was molested as a teenager by a church member. The real details are that he was 17, and the other church member was 18. Doesn't sound like "molestation" to me...
Not if your straight espescially!
Molestation does not make people gay. Period. Full stop. There is not a single peer-reviewed study that makes such a claim. Why does this hateful, bigoted thread still exist?
There aren't peer reviewed studies on a lot of things. But, there are studies on animal sexual behavior. Why is it that we differ so much for other animals? Primates especially? Given we are but one of a few who have sex for the purpose of pleasure. While other animals simply do it for procreation. What are the outside factors tha push us to do things contrary to natural selection? which tends towards things that promote the survival of the species. Just asking?
This is not hate just observations!
I was molested and it didn't make me gay. In fact I didn't associate it with sex until I was like 17.
Sexuality is probably genetic. There is very powerful scientific evidence for it. Certainly has little to do with being molested as a kid. Remember that life experience and enviroment can shape the expression of the genetic direction- but genes pretty much determine. Studies of genotypical males and females with ambiguous secondary sex characteristics due to hormone abnormalities from birth overwhelminly support the genomic determination of sexual attraction. Translate: genetic males and females who appear the opposite, are one way or the other sexually whether corrected or uncorrected physically. Men who look like women who correct physically to male at puberty 95% of the time become fully heteroseuxual despite growing up as girls. Too complicated to get into here- Sexual abuse of a child perhaps affects them in other ways- not necessarily making them gay. It may make them prostitutes of some kind- I gather that is not uncommon.
charlie
Hi Mike Here...I hope this site is still active. I've always been Gay and have enjoyed seeing and playing with guys. I remember very distinctly when I was in Pre-School,.... at nap time..WELL I wasn't Nappin'....I was playin' with the boys in the next door cribs. I was "AMUSED" and Loved It ! Even went back but could never "Hook-Up" again....OH DAM ! No Guilt, No "Bad" feelin's....I Enjoyed it and it seem ( s ) perfectly Natural to me that boys are Much Better adjusted to Life in general when they are taught by Elders in the "Ways Of Life"...including all forms of sexuality. One's Sexuality is a very personal thing ! Young males of ANY SOCIETY should be taught EVERY ASPECT of Sexuality....Gay, Straight, Bi, or Transgender, and ALLOW the individual to make his or her own choice rather than a sexual "Assignment". If Y' All have any questions....feel free to ask. I'm friendly....and don't bite...nor judge. Lets Chat at mikeinsillyconvalley@yahoo.com Always Have FUN ! C-YA Mike
mikeinsillyconvalley@yahoo.com
I was never molested. I know it's kinda sick, but I feel like I missed out.
Virgin until 20
"by: gay male separatist" Go to a site that's just for gay males and post your biased views there instead.
*ism%20isn%27t%20helpful
I was never molested as a child, yet I have many of the emotional problems that victims of molestation complain about. How do victims of child abuse know that they wouldn't have the exact same problems even if they had never been abused? I mean, if I HAD been abused, I would blame all my problems on THAT.
I was sexually molested by a girl who was 3 years older than me when I was seven years old.she made me touch her pussy and she coerced me into doing oral sex to her.All I remember was that the first thought that I got when I saw her vagina was "gosh what an ugly and nasty looking thing" even so,I managed to put my mouth on her pussy and again,my "brain" just didn't like what I was being exposed to.The flavor was so disgusting that I still try not to remember that experience at all,not only that,the smell was so atypical and unknown that I sort of got "dizzy" and "lightheaded". When I was nine years old,my cousin and I were watching a movie,and there was a sex scene,after we saw that scene he asked me if I wanted to suck his cock and I said yes,from the first moment he took his pants down,and I got to put my mouth on his cock,I was in heaven.I still remember his smell,the texture of his cock,I just couldn't get enough of what he was giving me.From that moment I realized that trying to force myself to like something that I was not born with was just pure masochism. Why is it that I didn't grow to like pussies? I was not raped,but I was seduced by a girl older than me,and she even told me that if I wouldn't do it,then I was a fag.So she was verbally violent with me.Anyway I don't think that I like cocks because of that experience,I think that I just didn't like the sensation of touching and having a pussy in my mouth,it had to do with feeling that what the opposite sex was born with is not only disgusting but it is also completely different than the organs we got from birth. If this other opposite sex don't like their own stuff,be sure honey that they ain't gonna get mine and force me into exchanging their stuff for mines,that ain't gonna happen.
a family was molested when he very young around 9 and today he is a down low man living in atlanta, ga. of course it helped him to chose to be gay molested over and over by a grown man. nothing but demon spirit that enter and you fight with that spirit for the rest of your life. his mother was mentally ill not around his dad whoremonger chasing woman. no one to tell no one to reach out too. he fought his own battle and lost and he still fights. messing with woman every once in s while.
i was molested when i was 12. I don't realize it till a few months ago ,i thought it wasn't molestation because i kept going back. My emotions and sexual attraction where so developed at such a tender age that i just assumed i brought it on myself. I don't know why most people who are molested are gay or bi its a strange coincidence but i know thats not the reason why i am bi. i knew my attraction for the same sex way before i was molested . He was 26years old i was 11/12 i didn't do the math till recently
guess R4 was and does.
Anonymous
I think these Christian shitheads have a lot of nerve coming in here and talking about "unconscious shame" for being gay. I was molested and with hindsight and perspective I can see that the molester was a straight-identified man who thought I was too [childish epithet posted by a bigoted tool] and thought a few violent rapes would turn me straight. The evil of Christian bigotry was behind my molestation, and this is probably true of what many Catholic priests did as well. The reason so many gays report molestation experiences is that in the sixties and seventies STRAIGHT MEN DID NOT THINK IT WAS WRONG. So pretty much everyone got diddled by somebody. The sexual revolution had removed their guilt and their boundaries all at once. Beginning in the 1980s there was such a hysteria about it I think you will find the incidence much reduced since then.
Anyway I am gay but it did not make me gay in any way that I can imagine.
i just find it so strange why we gay people seem to attract molesters
,,,,,
My best friend was raped when he was fifteen by two men, he told me that at that time he was neither gay or straight, and that it did not make him gay.
Wouldn't it make you run screaming into the arms (and legs) of women. Yes, plenty of gay men are molested, but so too are straight men, and women of all stripes.
But most of the straight men who get molested, end up asexual or with a severe trauma that make their relationship complicated. kinda like girls.
[quote]i just find it so strange why we gay people seem to attract molesters What's so strange about it -- studies show there is some truth to the stereotype that "pre-gay" boys are more gentle and meek than "pre-straight". Molesters would choose a meek victim, not a fighter. Then also there is the "grooming" thing -- a gay or pre-gay kid might respond more positively (initially) to being noticed and given attention by an older man. But the kid does not yet have a conscious sense of being gay. So it all gets confused, kid gets molested and thinks that is a causative factor in him later becoming gay.
What a lot of nonsense people talk. You have an overbearing mother, and if you're a boy it allegedly turns you gay; you have a sexually abusive father and it allegedly turns you gay; you have an absent father and if you're a boy it allegedly turns you gay; you have gay parents and it allegedly turns you gay. Is heterosexuality really that fragile? This sort of mentality isn't too dissimilar from the monsters that rape lesbians in Africa to 'correct' their lesbianism. Those women are still gay.
Url
[quote]What's so strange about it -- studies show there is some truth to the stereotype that "pre-gay" boys are more gentle and meek than "pre-straight". link.
i was and i loved it
when people are trained to believe they're damaged, of course they try to find a 'reason'. This is why the whole theory is so attractive to the religious/conservative mindset. Because it lets them think that gays are made, and not born.
R168 interesting
Why do soooooo many lesbians have kids???
My dad died when I was young. But my brothers aren't gay. (Well, I think one is.) Is there a connection? Maybe. Probably. But what kind and on what level, I'll probably never know.
Watching "Hello Kitty" made me gay.
I knew I was different long before I was molested. I was molested because I was different. Society is critically flawed. The repression and phobia of homosexuals has created serious problems. These problems will abate as gays marry and have a chance at living healthy lives together. The dark closet lifestyle is sick, it devolved years ago. Anybody, any organization that is homophobic is only continuing the sickness society has created by actually hurting their own beliefs with their obsessive behaviors.
R 19 your a fucking idiot. How could you know you were gay before age 5? Unless you people were molested how could you possibly know. I was molested at age 8 and yes I am attracted to guys more than girls. I didn't choose to be molested but yes it fucks with me to this day.
JD
JD, how does it affect you to this day? have you had counseling? There are people who can help you.
I think there's some validity to it. I'm a very aggressive top, and have been with a few married "straight " guys who just love to be abused and humiliated and used. A number of them are married, and almost all of them had been abused when they were younger. My gut tells me that they might be mostly straight, but seek to replicate the experience when they were taken advantage of, but this time, they can tell themselves that they want it. I think it helps them erase the memories of the time when they were abused and didn't want it.
[quote]My best friend was raped when he was fifteen by two men, he told me that at that time he was neither gay or straight, and that it did not make him gay. How did that happen? The rape, I mean. Do you know?
I was molested at a young age by a neighbor /friend that was about a year older. At the time I wasn't straight or gay. I didn't understand. But when I asked him about it the next day he acted like it didn't happen, and that it was wrong, and we might get in trouble. I held it in for so long not even really realizing or acknowledging it's importance or effects. It wasn't until much later in 5th grade or so that I actually became interested in girls, and never even entertained the concept or question of having gay desires. Of course because of the taboo, whenever the rare moment that the repressed memory came up, I would be scared, or guilty, or confused. I was scared of being seen as gay, even though I never really had any sexual attraction to males. I realized once i started the process of trying to get sober at 21 from 5 years of polydrug abuse, the last year of which consisted of heavy heroin use after a breakup with the girl who was my first true love from a two yr relationship, and the death of my closest and really only true male friend who I had known since I was 4. I am now on methadone maintenance, and still struggle with addiction to stimulants, although I have remained clean of heroin. I finally was able to let the knowledge of this memory to my girlfriend of nearly 4 years who I love so dearly, but have always had issues of codependance with. It freed me from a mental prison. Although it opened up pandoras box and I though i was having another mental breakdown like so many before, i started seeing things so clearly like never before. I also grew up in a broken home in which there was a lot of emotional abuse, and fighting for as long as i can remember. Between mother and father which led to divorce. Of course the divorce was the same way, it took a long time to see the damage it caused me. I felt betrayed, and felt as if my father didn't love me because he simply could not express or show it. I had trust issues too because of being hurt so much. There was also fighting between my parents and my two older brothers, then finally me. I had learned to equate emotional abuse with pain, and also became socialy reclusive, even if i may have seemed "normal" and succesful, even highly intelligent, I never understood social situations to a degree, was succeptable to being used. I can go on and on on all the misconceptions, and defense mechanisms, and self defeating habits. But really letting it out, and having the amazing support of my mother and girlfriend let me see the light, and see what love truly meant. I now have the ability to see how emotionally and socialy stunted I was, and was able to see certain habits of mine that reenforced my confused view. I was able to see in myself how i could be emotionally abusive, and it inspired me to begin to heal, and show unconditional love to those that gave it to me patiently through it all even if I had problems showing my love, and communicating. I struggled with feelings of guilt, shame, the whole gambit of terrible emotions, but realized i simply didn't understand the experience of being touched so young and that I am secure in my sexuality. I know what my feelings are. I can love women and men, but am only really sexually attracted to women. Maybe I naturally am not turned on by the male body, or maybe the experience made me have an aversion, but either way I know what I want and don't want. I attributed so many things to my past traumas, but only when I began to seriously look at them, accept them, and let them go could I even begin comprehending the process of taking responsibility, and showing unconditional love. I feel freed. Although these issues still weigh on me greatly, I can stop letting them control me. I can start moving forward as my own person and realize I have limitness potential for good.
anonymous
I think if someone believes that some event or series of events encouraged them to be [fill in the blank with any description], they should be allowed to think so. No one would know better than them. As for sexuality, not all people view it the same way. If you only know one thing based on early experiences, that's legitimate according to that person's own point of view.
[quote]I was molested at a young age by a neighbor /friend that was about a year older. MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weird that this thread just got bumped, as I was JUST thinking about this today! My biggest question though is this: If people really believe gays are the way they are because they were molested as children, then why do they then demonize us and tell us we're going to hell? That's re-victimizing victims, and it makes no sense! I personally do not believe molestation turns people gay (at least not for myself--I'm gay and was never molested), but for those who DO believe this...why would they then be anti-gay? That seems extremely cunty and misguided. Am I making sense?
Being molested as a kid often makes one a molester. But I don't think it makes one gay.
Here's a twist: My female friend growing up used to take my little brother into the bathroom and make him drop his pants in front of her. I was never in there so I'm not sure exactly what all went on, and I'm not sure if that even constitutes molestation or not, but my brother turned out straight!
"Being molested as a kid often makes one a molester" Nope. The vast majority of people who were molested as kids have never committed any sex offenses against children.
"But the kid does not yet have a conscious sense of being gay. So it all gets confused, kid gets molested and thinks that is a causative factor in him later becoming gay." Wow, so much nonsense. Did you tards even pay attention to the Jerry Sandusky trial? Almost all the victims said they had wives, girlfriends, or kids. Funny how being molested didn't make them magically turn gay. "i just find it so strange why we gay people seem to attract molesters" We don't. Most people who were molested as kids are heterosexual.
Gays and lesbians were molested far more than straights as evidence from this thread
(R101) is one of the most reasonable people I have read on DL and wish I had them as a friend to talk to. I am surrounded by people pushing their own viewpoints in an evangelical fashion, my family has numerous academics and PhD candidates who embrace one viewpoint or another as their own. The most intelligent of them usually have a crisis when researching their dissertations where they realize the research they are doing does NOT necessarily support the viewpoint of their advisor. I am old enough to remember when nuture was the only politically correct conclusion on studies and anyone citing genetic causes of behavior or personality was marginalized or denied their PhD. With the retirement and or death of Jewish WWII refugee faculty (who viewed any mention of genetic influences to be the first step on a slippery slope of another holocaust) we began to see a rebound on genetic causes. In the real world, genetics and environmental factors combine on everything, even something as straightforward as height, let alone behavior. It is messy and complicated. There is a pressure to simplify and take a viewpoint and sell it for political purposes. Then, after a time, the opposite viewpoint gets the same treatment. As I always tell my younger family members who are questioning if they should continue in their research (because they go into things expecting that truth is more absolute than it is) that no one reports or gets excited about research that proves water is wet, but that is about the only absolute there is. I am a product of the 70's. I remember when society was becoming more openly sexual and casting off a lot of what we derided as "hang-ups". Sexuality was viewed as being far more flexible and fluid than the rigid binary viewpoints most of you adhere to, which are more useful for the current civil rights push for gay people.
I guess I suppressed for years my memories of being molested . I always had a vague sense that something had happened, but didn't really remember until a few years ago. It was my older brother--now dead. Anyway, the point is that I have told a few friends, and I've been shocked to find out how many of them were also sexually abused as kids. Male and female, straight and gay. I still barely remember my abuse, but some of my friends have told me horrible stories of ongoing abuse. No one thinks it turned them straight or gay, but a whole lot of us have had intimacy and relationship problems. Whatever the stats are about how many kids are abused in this country, it's way higher than reported. Sad.
[quote] Gays and lesbians were molested far more than straights as evidence from this thread This thread is not a scientific sample, and such a conclusion is preposterous. This is a gay board, for the most part. If you ask a bunch of gay people a question and get responses, it's not the same as asking a mass-market board.
What exactly is a domineering mother, anyway?
"I am a product of the 70's. I remember when society was becoming more openly sexual and casting off a lot of what we derided as "hang-ups". Sexuality was viewed as being far more flexible and fluid than the rigid binary viewpoints most of you adhere to, which are more useful for the current civil rights push for gay people." ROFLMAO. You make it sound as if all people in the 70s believed the same thing, which is absurd. You are forgetting that the 70s gave us the moral majority, Anita Bryant, and anti-gay ballot initiatives in dozens of cities and states. This is also when Florida banned gay adoption. Most people didn't believe that sexuality was "fluid" except maybe a few swinger types. I guess you didn't hang around with the kind of people who supported Nixon and Reagan.
I was molested as a kid by a female babysitter. She didn't really do anything to me like touch my dick or put anything in my ass. But, she would lay on by bed and let me touch her breasts and told me to lick her nipples. While I sensed it was wrong in the sense that she'd be in trouble if my parents walked in, I wasn't scared and thought it was kind of a novelty. She also would turn on music and dance and disrobe and encouraged my sister and I to disrobe, though we never did fully. It only happened twice, but it sounds fucked up looking back. I think my sister told my parents. Don't know whatever happened to her. No, I don't think this made me gay.
Hello Kitty made me gay
R194, if your mother wears a catsuit, thigh high boots with stiletto heels and a corset, she's a domineering mother
LOL thanks R198
I honestly think so just because i was basically sex slave to my older brother until i was 13 when he lost interest. I hated it the first 2 years when i naive to what sex was then when i found out how to make him do it right and i enjoyed it at age 9-13. I honestly think getting molested does turn you gay or bi. But i am kinda happy he did that to me it help me figure out that i was Bi and it help me figure that sex with men and women feel good
tomoyaushio@gmail.com
Molestation does affect sexual orientation, perhaps to a lesser extent than biological factors as indicated by scientific polls, but favorable experiences would incite further experiences, obviously. People may disagree, they may say that "scientific research proves there is no solid link between sexual abuse and influence on orientation", the phrase of which is true, but what these people fail to realize is that sexual abuse is different and the definition of molestation in context of this statement is "sexual contact without knowledge of either party" - this sort of sexual contact influences orientation. Even if you were inherently straight to begin with, if you had a favorable male-to-male relationship as you grew up or during any puberty phase, you may not mind more of it later when you grew older. Similarly, if you had a 'bad' experience with male-to-male relationships, you would probably want to avoid a similar relationship. So it does have an effect considering the Kinsey scale of orientation. Taking polls on the above statement may not yield indicative results, because equal amounts of people may have had favorable and non-favorable results. However, the logic is undeniably sound and as a result leads me to conclude, while I agree with your client, and disagree with you, I cannot be bothered to be the force that pushes this realization of truth into society mores, which probably has its reasons for presenting molestation/sexual abuse of any form of any type to be uninfluential on orientation at all. For example, religious groups have long claimed that they do, and as a result they often try to 'convert' gay males by physically abusing them at a young age. This, is bad and wrong and stupid, and such presentations would dissuade people from trying this unacceptable form of sexual abuse, that indeed would not have much effect on the person's orientation but worsen fear and emotional instability. I was sexually abused by my brother, who was under 16 and also a minor at the time of the abuse, we were kinda experimenting, I know I'm gay now[18]. i can have sex with women or men but im only really sexually attracted to guys. This fits the biological research as well. i would not consider this sexual abuse. i would consider this the 'molestation' i described above I sexually abused 2 other kids at primary school, they both ended up being gay cuz they liked it as well so what just delved more into it and didnt think much about girls' privates i'm guessing. we were all minors, none of us were superior to another or cajoling anyone so it is not sexual abuse. we were sharing. it is so obvious, in my mind, because the turnout rate is 100%. dun even bother criticizing this statement. they may or may not have older brothers.
Holy shitballs this thread brought out the crazies!
I've gone to sexual abuse "survivors" groups. Many, many gay or sexually fluid men, but not all.