I''m a bottom and unless you insist, tops won''t put on condoms
Has anyone else noticed this? You''re making out and things are leading to sex and unless you play the gate keeper, tops, or at least the tops I''m hooking up with, don''t automatically stop to put on condoms. %0D\
I will admit that I''m not always as diligent as I should be, especially when I''m extra worked up and horny, and yes that''s my fault, but I''ve decided that if it weren''t for bottoms insisting, no one would wear condoms. %0D\
I think the safe sex message has falled.
you should be proud to be a gatekeeper that way you have more power%0D\
besides if you remember the message it hasn''t failed
What''s worse is I say ok, just for a minute and then put on the condom (I really LOVE ATM.) I will say they always put the condom on after about a minute of raw sex.
Stick to mutual sucking and you don''t have to worry about it. More fun, too.
It''s going in your ass. You''re responsible for what you let in there. Stop complaining and find better men if it is such a big issue.
I''m not that way, OP, though I''m versatile, so maybe I''m sensitive to it.\
I will say I''ve had several tops ask to go raw "just for a bit" and I always say no. And usually that mercifully kills the buzz because any guy who asks that...
What R4 said.
Hasn''t this been a problem for women for years?\
Maybe I''m the right age, at 44, but I always use a condom. It skeezes me out when a bottom expresses surprise or disappointment.
It''s not top/bottom specific. %0D\
When one person says "let me get a condom," often the other person will betray a bit of surprise, that silent "Oh!", like the woman at the check-out lane who is caught off guard when the cashier asks about the indelicate matter of payment, and would never have started the long search through her purse until prompted.%0D\
It''s a case of "if we don''t acknowledge it, it doesn''t exist."
That''s crazy. I''m a top, and going for the condom is just second nature to me. It''s just expected. \
I have nothing against being a whore, but sheesh, if you''re doing it without a condom, you''re a DUMB whore, darlin''.
R7, I don''t know many heterosexual couples who use condoms.
Top here and I''m surprised when I''m the one that has to say "Let me get a condom". I''m negative, but one guy I fucked got really freaked out when I asked for a condom, I think because he thought my wanting to wear one implied I had HIV.
Many guys are stupid
Hookups r10, not "couples"
Top guy here and I''m often the one to insist on a condom. I''ve been in many situations where we''ve both been worked up and it would be a lot easier to go in raw, and my partner has been really ready to take it, but I think it''s important to always be safe (and I''m neg). Putting on a condom can be very sexy -- doesn''t have to interrupt hot sex -- make it part of the play. I love getting a guy completely ready to fuck, then working some more lube up his hole with a couple of fingers while he rolls a condom on me and then greases me up. Then it''s time to fuck.
I had one guy insist on condoms for mutual oral.
It''s your ass, OP. Take care of it. %0D\
Of course, everyone should do their part. But, of course, the world is not that way. In the end, no pun intended, we''re on our own to make these decisions for ourselves.
You''re doing the right thing, OP. I''ve been out over twenty years and I''m still negative. I''ve had to pass up some hot opportunities because I''m condom-only for anal (which I''m doing less and less) but the cliche is true: health is wealth Life will throw enough problems your way without you adding the difficulties of an HIV diagnosis. It ain''t fun
You''re "not always diligent" OP? Nice. See you at the AIDS ward!
Another top here who always insists on condoms. Won''t fuck without them.
Pee Wee Poundstone
you are all whores %0D\
dirty dirty whores
honey, you are screwing the wrong guys. as is well known, I am an exclusive top, and i have not fucked an ass without a condom in 20 years, maybe 25. I just wont do it.\
In my experience, its a bunch of bearback bottoms who give lame excuses like "im allergic to latex..." and it doesn''t feel good... which is bullshit.\
they are sick bug chasers who need serious counseling.
It''s very difficult dating/having sex with a poz guy, as all the ones I know have given up condoms. I never let one fuck me, but they all seem disappointed by rubber usage.
im sure they ARE disappointed... disappointed that you won''t be as self destructive as they are... that you won''t sign up for a life of taking medication that gives you chronic runs and diarrhea that burns your ass hole every time you shit every day... that gives you distended belly... that gives you imploded cheekbones.\
that every time you meet someone you really like you have to figure out whether to lie by omission or tell them right away you have HIV.. and about one in three tells you sorry, thats a deal breaker...\
gee don''t disappoint them, by all means....\
JOIN THEIR PARTY you ass hole. How can you be so selfish.
As a hole to be used for the pleasure of others, I really don''t think it is my place to question what the person wants to put in there. I just try to be appreciative of the consideration that has been given me.
Straight men are fucking notorious for not wanting to wear a rubber. They are real dicks about and I''ve had to leave b/c of it. I also got pregnant b/c I handed the guy a condom, he unwrapped it, rustled around a bit and then fucked me w/o one anyway.
Yes, I''m a whore, darlings.
[quote]It''s very difficult dating/having sex with a poz guy, as all the ones I know have given up condoms.\
I really hope you''re kidding. That''s one of the more fucked-up things I''ve read on here.\
Any poz guy who won''t use a condom deserves to live the rest of his life celibate.\
MHB, you''re so right. (I''ve never typed that before; it felt strange!)
I''m a top, and I''ve only encountered two bottoms that wanted to go ahead when neither of us had a condom. I always use them.
Are you finding these guys on Manhunt or Craigslist, OP? Because I've found that to be true as well. Stop a second--it's condom time. I have to be the one to say it; not all the time, but a good amount of the time. "Str8" and married guys will always balk, as if my asking for a rubber is to imply they are contaminated. And I understand why well-endowed men hate condoms too, I've seen how even a Magnum can bind and hurt a man, leave a ring on the base of the penis where it's dug into his flesh, etc.
Everybody wants to breed the bottom--till the bottom is HIV , then all those fuckbuddies who bred you before will pretend you don't even exist. They're not even there for moral support, they don't see you when they pass you on the street.
There's no question condomless sex feels better, but is it THAT much better? That a few minutes of pleasure is worth changing the rest of your life?
I'm still neg, but it's happened to friends of mine before...and that's close enough for me.
If you still need raw dick, find a buddy that you've known for years and hedge your bets. Don't go raw with strangers.
"Don''t go raw with strangers."%0D\
Isn''t that a Connie Stevens song?
[quote] It''s going in your ass. You''re responsible for what you let in there.%0D\
You know, tops can get infected with a variety of things through anal sex too. It''s ridiculous to ignore that and try to slide all responsibility for safe sex onto the bottom.
How can you trust your health and life to a translucent sheath of latex? Were they manufactured by God to be perfect and never tear?
Well, then insist.
R32, I hope you''re joking.
Or are you simply a pathetic troll?
Mention the fiber regimen that makes your ass self-lubricate.\
Mention your boycott of Fleet Enemas because of the Gulf Crises.\
Ask him if he died right now, would he go to an hypothetical heaven.\
Unclench and introduce your hemmeroids individually by name and age.\
Tell him Fritz refuses to wear a condom, too. He''s at the vet.
Love to be of help
"Bearback," MHB?? I didn''t know you liked the bear types... I thought you said you were an exclusive top!%0D\
The laughing fish
Apologies, R32. I meant R31.
I''m mostly a top and, with the exception of 2 times when I was younger, I always wear a condom. It''s better to be safe than risk getting a disease, not just AIDS either. Besides, a hot, tight, slippery hole is still hot, tight, slippery hole.
1. Anyone who does not insist on a condom since, oh, say, 1982 or even a bit before deserves the HIV they get. Heat of the moment passion? Worth dying for or having a lifelong chronic, ultimately fatal condition? Apparently so or there would be no need for this sad sad thread.%0D\
IF YOU ARE GOING TO LET A MAN STICK HIS COCK IN YOUR ASS WITHOUT A CONDOM, YOU ASSUME THE RISK OF HIV AND ANY AND ALL OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. Period. The end. %0D\
Does being homosexual make you stupid, too?
I always make Bruce put a raincoat on it.
Lots of stealthy tops out there, so yeah, us bottoms have to play gatekeeper. Ever heard of this iBlastInside guy? Pretty sick. (I''ll admit bareback blogs fascinate me - it does feel better, and some of the stories can be hot as fantasy - but I''m completely against stealthing.)
[quote]There''s no question condomless sex feels better, but is it THAT much better? \
Yes it is. You go from 100 percent sensation without a rubber to about 2% with one. ...and yes I have tried just about every condom every made, they all feel awful. \
Will I wear one? Yes, but I would much rather fuck a neg bottom.
As a bottom I always have condoms and a little bottle of lube in my reach (usually under my pillows) when I plan on getting laid. There are a lot of tops out there who think it''s more than enough when they bring their dick along with them (dude, it''s attached to you, like your head!) and get annoyed when they have to "waste" a condom on you. I got some guys whine that they lose the errection when they have to wear a condom which is my cue to kick them out, because dumb fucks are no longer hot, but dangerous for your health.
R43...unless of course they have no disease...in which case they are not dangerous at all.
and how, oh how can one ascertain that with a trick?
Did I say you could?\
No...never said that.
I''m amazed that it''s even an issue.
Really R47...AMAZED it is an issue....\
Let''s see...why on earth would someone not want to wear a sensation blocker? Hmmmm...can''t imagine.
What is with so many guys losing sensation wearing a condom? I never lose sensitivity.
[quote]Yes, but I would much rather fuck a neg bottom.%0D\
How very charitable of you. This neg bottom isn''t stupid enough to believe every top who swears he''s negative, so you''ll just have to put a helmet on that soldier.
I''m a top.\
And I can''t tell you how many times the bottom has tried to get me to stick it in him without my putting on a rubber. I don''t say anything; rather, I just stop him from what he''s doing and put one on myself. In almost every single situation, I can tell that the bottom is disappointed that I put one on\
Does it really feel that different without one?
I don''t feel a difference as a bottom, R51. A lot of guys assign too much meaning to bare sex; it''s more "intimate" or "raw" (whatever the fuck that means). Basically bottoms who prefer bare sex over condoms have a death wish or are just nuts in general. %0D\
I don''t need to be (or feel) "intimate" with any guy I don''t know well enough to trust fucking me bare. It''s just a hookup in that case, or too early in the relationship to be push "intimacy", so, yeah, put a condom on that thing. Sorry if it''s not as much fun for you as a top, but thems the breaks. %0D\
FWIW I give amazing head and love doing it, too. If a top really needs unhindered friction on his dick, I''m happy to oblige from that end.
Try it and let us know, r51
Before the Pill and Roe v. Wade straight men used to carry condoms with them at all times in case they got laid, not only to protect themselves from STDs (and you have to remember that until the mid 1900s syphilis was a death sentence) but so they didn''t have to marry or pay child support to some woman they knocked up.
You must share your secret R49.\
Do you also get wet when you wear a raincoat?
Come on 49...come back and share your secret.
tops face less risk although it is always a risk.
so tops are less worried about the condom and hence the bottom is forced to take action over inaction.
I've had the opposite experience. I'm a top and always go into a hookup fully expecting to use a condom. I'm often surprised when a guy (who's allegedly negative, keep in mind) suggests I bb him. I've heard everything from "I'm allergic to latex" to "just put the head in" (there's NO SUCH THING as "just putting the head in"!!! Once the head is in, there's no going back--and they know that!)
I'm sorry to say that in the heat of the moment I've gone ahead with a few of these encounters and have always freaked out and regretted them afterwards.
Of course fucking feels better without a condom in the way but it's not like it's no fun at all to fuck safe, and it's a worthwhile sacrifice to protect yourself and your partner. The mainstreaming of bb porn and the growing perception that HIV/AIDS is a manageable condition are making it easier for people to con themselves into casual barebacking with bullshit excuses. If it's a casual hookup then THERE IS NO EXCUSE for not using condoms.
R14 Considering the drastical rise of oral cancer within the gay community it's not really surprising. (In Germany it's the fourth most common cancer for men. Don't know the US numbers.)
I'm a top, and I've also had bottom ask me to "breed them." The answer is always no, and if that's an issue, then I'm not fucking them.
Straight guys do this all the time. They think all responsibility for sex should lie with the woman, and that men should get all the fun with none of the responsibility. Then they wonder why that have a hard time finding women for casual hook-ups.
[quote]It's your ass, OP. Take care of it. Of course, everyone should do their part.
Perhaps something like the "Adopt a Highway" programs. Tattoos that read, "This ass sponsored by the Peoria 4H Club" and such.
As a top I've found it's the younger bottom dudes I meet that want it bare. Guys my age (36) usually have condoms and use them. If I meet up with a younger guys I make sure to bring condoms. However, I'm not sure this issue can be placed on just the tops or bottom guys. They are equally responsible for their respective well being!
I like to put one on then cleverly work it so it falls off in the guys ass and then shoot my load.
[quote] Everybody wants to breed the bottom--till the bottom is HIV , then all those fuckbuddies who bred you before will pretend you don't even exist. They're not even there for moral support, they don't see you when they pass you on the street.
R51, woman here. Yes it does feel a lot better skin to skin. With a condom it feels more like something foreign to me---like a dildo and not part of a person. It's also an incredible turn on to feel a guy pulse and shoot inside of you.
I have a friend/ex who when we first started dating said he never did bb, he said that none of his friends did it either. I later found out that it was a lie, he rarely had the top use a condom. He said he just liked it w/o a condom. When I ended up becoming poz after we had broken up, you would think that would have scared him off his bb train, but nope. He said 90% of the guys that have fucked him was bb. He even said his friends who said they never do bb were all lying, so in his circle of friends bb is the norm I guess. I told him that I would have thought after I was poz he would stop, but again, he said he didn't think about it in that way. I explained that the guy I got HIV from said he was neg, so that the guys who say they just got tested a few weeks back or more than likely lying, just like he is when he says he gets tested every month. He doesn't care. He even wanted me to fuck him. I asked him point blank if he wanted to be poz, all he could say was of course not. It puzzled me to say the least.
I'm vers and a few years ago I went through the lowest period of my life. I started getting into casual bareback, not because I was stupid, but because I felt dead inside and didn't care.
When I topped, I was never the one to bring up condoms. Bareback sex feels so much better, my dick stays hard even when I cum multiple times. With a condom, I'm done after one. I never came in guys as breeding has never appealed to me and I like giving and receiving facials.
However, when I bottomed, I'd still insist on condoms and tops rarely would. The ones that did, I'd see again, but eventually they'd all want to go raw.
I got over my issues and am back to practicing safe sex now. Anyone who says there's no difference in pleasure is full of bull, but that pleasure is still not worth your health. Luckily, I never got anything even though I later found out one of the bottoms I went raw with was pos and had lied to me about being neg.
I'm always fascinated by some of the posts on here that go on and on about young guys wanting to bareback. I have a thing for older guys and all of them want to bareback. ALL. OF. THEM.
Agree with R71. It's not a top/bottom thing, and it's not an old/young thing. It's a having no self-esteem thing.
OP gets fucked by disgusting, trashy men.
That you refer to yourself as a gatekeeper of your ass indicates that you're a whore and who would use a condom with a whore.
Is it OK to just pop the head in for a second? Then go for the condom?
You ARE the messenger, the message only fails when YOU do.
I remember all the efforts to make condoms sexy - sorry, didn't take. At the end of the day, getting nailed raw is the hottest thing on earth, and getting loaded is heaven. And yes, also, it's stupid, risky behavior that kills.
Who wants to have sex with the kind of person who doesn't insist on a condom?
But r78 if you chase well-hung black men sometimes they try but they just CANNOT get it in with a condom but without one entry becomes easier, I have to admit.
this thread is a chilling reminder to always assume anybody you're going to sleep with is positive. Yikes. I can't even believe it's a question.
If we are going to fuck, we want to feel it. Thus we do not want to wear the sensation blocker.
The blastinside guy lives in my town. I'm not convinced that blog isn't a work of fiction.
Makes sense to me, as a straight male.
I won't put one on unless the woman insists. Though sometimes they specifically insist they want cum inside, and that sends up red flags and a dash for the condom stash (or the door).
It's unclear why R86 assumes his perspective is required on this thread.
Are you a bigot, 87?
Because I'm a "top" 87, but you are just a bigot.
I'm a total top and rarely use condoms. Sorry, but I'm just too big and even the extra large magnums are way too confining. If the bottom doesn't like it, too damn bad. I'm usually deep inside him before he can object anyway, and once inside, I'm not pulling out until I've filled him. Never had any complaints.
R90 confuses total top with selfish pig. THAT'S what you are.
Isn't the real truth that a lot of you talk about a big safe sex game to make yourself feel good and others feel badly, but in practice you're all too human like the rest of us? Barebacking happens, getting caught up in the moment happens. Life happens. Stop shaming people.
And, r90. What's your number?
You've reduced yourself to desperate het addicts OP?
R92 this talk about "shaming" is as tiresome as "privilege".
People can have an opinion about safe sex different from yours.
There are bug chasers like the iblastinside guys, but they all seem to be methheads or addicts who have mowed through so many boundaries that spreading disease in a "stealth" manner is one of the few things left that gets them off.
But aside from that whole mess....yes, grownups can make smart, calculated decisions about risk. It's odd that guys will priss and hiss about barebacking, but also hiss about PreP, too. There are sensible ways to have sex with other guys, ones that let us be as human as every straight guy plugging away at every pussy he sees.
[quote]as human as every straight guy plugging away at every pussy he sees.
Yes just as human and just as likely to contract STDs.
Umm, you do know that straights contract and pass HIV, don't you?
When the first couple of Truvada users get HIV, just watch people like R92 go into their own shaming mode.
They'll call them liars, or say that they didn't use it correctly, or must have been on drugs or drunk and therefore not a responsible user.
LOL @ R95 that straights actually DO 'plug away at every pussy they see'. ROFLMAO! Most het men DON'T get to do that you ninny. Why do you think they play sports so much when well past the age of competitive aspirations? Some of you really need some het buddies cause youuuuu beeeee owwta touch gramps.
r83 that website is creepy. Putting pinpricks in condoms so you can spread HIV 'stealth mode'?
That guy should be in prison.
I don't understand people like R97. You're ridiculous and anti-science and probably anti-sex.
How about you hold your breath until that happens, R97?
Many bottoms want to feel the hot cum shooting inside their rectum. Believe or not, you CAN feel that sensation. And the top enjoys shooting sperm in the hot hole. I'm not being pornographic; I'm saying this is what people think when they are having good sex - most people probably have good sex like that with their spouses.
Anything less, i.e. condoms, is just not as satisfying, and anyone who has done it both ways knows exactly what I mean. Homo sapiens involved in a way that makes "unsafe" sex the most satisfying.
So in my experience, 9 out of 10 tops will NOT initiate using condoms.
If a bottom hands me one...I say...'Sorry, I want to feel it too, and I can't with that thing on. We can just jerk off."
Almost before the words are out of my mouth he has shoved my raw dick inside him.
R97 and R101, do go back and read the initial study. Patients who took Truvada contracted HIV.
100 patients in the study were enrolled and were found to have been infected on follow up.
Do you even know what science is?
Oh yes, and to be clear, 36 in the study had Truvada in their blood, those without were assumed to be in the placebo group.
r100 what a stupid thing to say.
Anyone who questions the Truvada data is now anti-sex? Where did you get that logic, from the George Bush school of if you're not with us you're our enemy?
r105 is clearly sloppy with reading the study, but his conclusion is correct. Men who were on Truvada in the study contracted HIV and the conclusion was that they didn't take it enough.
Why do you think people aren't saying it's a 100% effective? Because people it's not a guarantee. It's basic math.
No drugs provide 100% guarantees of anything. But the truvada marketers sure do imply it.
All the same arguments that were used against the birth control pill are now being recycled for Truvada. Freshen your talking points ladies.
Dear Tops, I insist you wear a condom when fucking OP.
r108, that is not true.
Im sick of BOTTOM PRIVILEGE. You need to check it.
There are other things to protect yourself against besides HIV. All these bare backers are probably spreading HPV and gonorrhoea.
Exactly R104. It's hilarious that people think PrEP is a guarantee against contracting HIV. It may lower the odds. But even Truvada recommends using it as a "package" of prevention which includes using condoms. Using Truvada on its own is actually less effective than using a condom without Truvada.
The idea that sex is only satisfying in one way also makes me chuckle. As if every sexual experience is the same.
[quote]Anyone who questions the Truvada data is now anti-sex?
And if you don't welcome sero-converting, or even suggest quietly that remaining HIV negative is somehow preferable to turning poz, than you are SEX NEGATIVE, and the worst kind of person known to exist. The same condemnation is NEVER offered to pozzies who spread AIDS. Never.
" Barebacking happens, getting caught up in the moment happens. Life happens. Stop shaming people."
I will stop saying that barebacking can make people sick, when barebacking stops making people sick.
How you feel about that is up to you. If hearing a simple fact makes you feel ashamed, it's because you have feelings of shame you haven't dealt with. Don't blame the messenger, listen to the message!
R114, the ridiculous thing about being called anti-sex for questioning Truvada - or gee, acknowledging that people in the Truvada study tested postive after they enrolled - is that I've been called a whore on DL more than once, once for adding up the number of the guys who I had sex with, several times when I talked about bottoming without it hurting.
I've had plenty of sex and so far haven't gotten an STD. Condoms have been a big part of that. Being (relatively) selective about who I sleep with has been another part of that.
So, as a whore, let me be clear, taking Truvada doesn't make you a whore. Taking Truvada because. Whether or not you're proudly wearing the Truvada whore proudly or just doing it because you love anonymous sex like this guy, who cares? But you can have a lot of sex and love sex not agree with the guy linked below.
[quote] Umm, you do know that straights contract and pass HIV, don't you?
Yes, but you don't see thousands upon thousands of his equally straight male friends shame him for doing so.
My point is, casual sexual encounters have risks for everyone. We now have tools (like Truvada) that help people lower or minimize their risks, but there are people who will not be happy unless all gay men are either celibate or wrapped in eight layers of plastic.
[quote] Some of you really need some het buddies cause youuuuu beeeee owwta touch gramps.
Yeah, please, you're certainly a credible source of information. Call when you have a clue.
[quote] Yes, but you don't see thousands upon thousands of his equally straight male friends shame him for doing so.
You're kidding, right?
[quote]but there are people who will not be happy unless all gay men are either celibate or wrapped in eight layers of plastic.
THere are other options: we can actually learn our HIV status and be honest about it with anyone we have sex with. Not extreme or unreasonable. And not expensive at all, unlike Truvada.
Recently went thru a slutty phase. Picking up on men. Anyway...I was surprised how sloppy the guys were about not using condoms and or not concerned if I was on birth control.
Men just don't like condoms.
"Yes, but you don't see thousands upon thousands of his equally straight male friends shame him for doing so. "
Straight men do warn each other about risky behavior. They don't see HIV as a risk, but they do tell each other not to drive drunk or ride motorcycles without helmets or to take one-night-stands to Vegas and get married.
Look, if you think that discussing the possible upshot of risky behaviors is "shaming", then you don't know what real shaming is. Want me to demonstrate?
R129 You're not welcome in this thread, but you already know that. Your experiences are not our experiences. Now, kindly, fuck off.
Im a woman that has sex with men so yes, I know for a fact that most men do not want to wear condoms unless you truly insist. Its really disturbing. Ive dated guys with a lot to lose who still never bothered going for the condom first or asking if i had been tested. Luckily, im all about condoms.
Where would we be without r123's validation? What do gay men know about men, right?