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How do you meet shy socially unskilled gay guys?

I'm shy and socially unskilled and seem doomed to be alone.

by Anonymousreply 148January 2, 2018 5:24 AM

Start a MeetUp group or a Facebook group in your area for, you guessed it, shy introvert gay guys. Even if only 5 or 6 of you end up hanging out as a result, that's 5 or 6 gay guys to see movies with, go to Starbucks with, go to a bar with or whatever you're into.

by Anonymousreply 1February 10, 2015 5:49 PM

I'm one. I'm alone. I just turned 50. I've always been alone, and it's just too late for that to change now.

I wish you more luck than I had, OP.

by Anonymousreply 2February 10, 2015 5:51 PM

Why, R2? If you want to meet people , guess what, you can. Just be honest about who you are and what you are looking for. If you want friendship then no reason you can't get online and start your own local meetup group, for other gay single men your age who like whatever you like - picnics? movies? chess? running?

by Anonymousreply 3February 10, 2015 5:58 PM

Put an ad on CL.

by Anonymousreply 4February 11, 2015 2:05 AM

Where do you live?

by Anonymousreply 5February 11, 2015 2:07 AM

NYC

by Anonymousreply 6February 11, 2015 2:10 AM

WEBMASTER! STEALTH ASPERGERS THREAD!

by Anonymousreply 7February 11, 2015 2:11 AM

[quote] it's just too late for that to change now.

NO! I met the love of my life when I was 53. I was drinking alone at a bar when the most handsome man came in, walked past me, smiled, and kept going (turns out he was headed to the men's room). I waited until he found a spot and ordered a drink. Then I told myself I had nothing to lose, got up, walked over to him and started a conversation.

I bought him home that night anticipating nothing more than a one-night stand and he moved in 6 months later. It's been 5 years and I've never been happier.

Most guys are too shy to make the first move. Remember, you came alone, so the worst thing that happens is you'll leave alone. Nobody ever got a hit until they stepped up to the plate and swung the bat.

Good luck

by Anonymousreply 8February 11, 2015 2:21 AM

[quote] I bought him home

Sorry, I meant to write 'I BOUGHT him a drink and then I BROUGHT him home'.

by Anonymousreply 9February 11, 2015 2:24 AM

Thanks for that story R8. I hope it inspires some people to go out and be friendly.

by Anonymousreply 10February 11, 2015 2:25 AM

Usually guys like that are REALLY INTO videogames, and comics. Go to where those guys meet up, or start a comics/gaming club.

by Anonymousreply 11February 11, 2015 2:45 AM

Years ago, a therapist told me "You should keep going until the other guy says No (or otherwise makes a lack of interest clear)."

by Anonymousreply 12February 11, 2015 3:04 AM

R8, that is a heartwarming story. Thanks for sharing.

by Anonymousreply 13February 11, 2015 4:31 AM

R9 That's funny. Whoops

by Anonymousreply 14February 11, 2015 8:04 AM

Right here, of course.

by Anonymousreply 15February 11, 2015 1:18 PM

What worked for you doesn't work for everyone R8.

Seriously, it really is too late for me. I've been pretty much single my entire life. I'm sick and tired of hoping and being disappointed. I've been on hundreds of first dates. Nothing ever works out. And at this point I'm so set in my ways I don't think I could ever live with someone else.

I realize all your advice is well meaning, but save it for someone you can actually help. It's way the fuck too late for me.

by Anonymousreply 16February 11, 2015 1:24 PM

R16, we might not be able to help much, but, remember that there are good people in this life who may not be Mr Perfect romantic / sexual partner for you but whose company might bring you a lot of comfort and laughs. Even if you feel like shutting off from the possibility of a partner, please don't shut off to friendship.

by Anonymousreply 17February 11, 2015 1:35 PM

I'm pretty well-off (scandalously rich honestly,) good looking, built, well-educated, good family, widely travelled, fabulous home with help .. and I positively adore shy socially unskilled gay guys.

by Anonymousreply 18May 7, 2015 8:57 AM

Where do you live R18?

by Anonymousreply 19May 7, 2015 9:01 AM

R18 Because they're easier to control and debase and then dispose of, I'm assuming.

The truth is, and I'm assuming the OP knew this deep down when he created this thread, if you're hot it doesn't matter how supposedly shy and socially unskilled you are, you WILL meet someone. Period.

I wonder if the OP is actually some obnoxious frau.

by Anonymousreply 20May 7, 2015 9:13 AM

*sniff* When I finally put down all that is the real me, somebody always calls me a frau.

by Anonymousreply 21May 7, 2015 9:23 AM

Bend and snap, OP.

by Anonymousreply 22May 7, 2015 9:35 AM

You should be more upset that I suggested that you're ugly.

by Anonymousreply 23May 7, 2015 9:35 AM

R2, I had a partner for years who left me and I am 48 now. I am looking forward to a future with someone else. I don't have anyone in mind yet. I am quiet and reserved but I know in my heart there is someone else out there for me.

You have to be open to it. Don't sell yourself short by saying it's too late. It's not. And I am in the middle of hell on earth with my ex. and I still have hope.

by Anonymousreply 24May 7, 2015 12:22 PM

Bump for shy guys.

by Anonymousreply 25November 18, 2015 1:03 AM

How do you look in a jockstrap?

by Anonymousreply 26November 18, 2015 1:05 AM

Slap people's faces for a living

by Anonymousreply 27November 18, 2015 1:13 AM

No one is coming to my funeral. I have no friends. I've already made a will with instructions to my family not to bother coming down since I won't be having a funeral service or memorial. My lawyer will sell and disperse my few things to my family.

by Anonymousreply 28November 18, 2015 1:14 AM

R16 Honey, If you always expect the worse you'll never be disappointed!

by Anonymousreply 29November 18, 2015 1:19 AM

What is the internet for? Online dating is the obvious answer here.

by Anonymousreply 30November 18, 2015 1:21 AM

R28 Just think of how much you'll $ave!

by Anonymousreply 31November 18, 2015 1:22 AM

LOL, Online Dating. It makes it so much easier for people to lie to you, or set you up.

by Anonymousreply 32November 18, 2015 1:24 AM

R32 Common sense could easily nix that problem. Online dating allows you to put yourself out there without having to be obligated to do anything. At worst you go on a couple of bad dates or a few boring text convos. At best you go on a couple of good dates or have a few good text convos. If you are really lucky you make a good friend.

It doesn't have to be bad.

by Anonymousreply 33November 18, 2015 1:29 AM

I myself am alone and 58.

Never had a relationship and never will.

Homely and selfish is not a good combination. Also no energy to tolerate the eccentricities of others. I don't have even enough to deal with myself.

If I had money I would buy myself a relationship as many men both straight and gay(I'm talking about married people) do but I don't so that's that.

You have to live with what you've got or blow your brains out. There are choices one can make.

by Anonymousreply 34November 18, 2015 1:46 AM

There is someone for everyone.

by Anonymousreply 35November 18, 2015 1:50 AM

High-5 to R34! Take the gas pipe, I always say, take the gas pipe!

by Anonymousreply 36November 18, 2015 1:50 AM

I like shy geeky gay and str8 guys. They seem to make good friends. My best str8 buddy is being forced to only socialize with his girlfriend so I need a new movie and comic book friend. Finding guys for sex is 100x easier than finding someone who will talk X-men without acting like Sheldon. I also need Settlers of Catan friends. The meetup groups for that board game are only in NYC, and I'm an hour away.

by Anonymousreply 37November 18, 2015 1:55 AM

Join groups that interest you is the best advice. You will have things in common with others who more than likely will look past the superficial once they get to know you.

by Anonymousreply 38November 18, 2015 2:03 AM

Some of us have an actual fetish for dorks, dweebs, geeks and nerds.

by Anonymousreply 39November 18, 2015 2:15 AM

I get the feeling OP that underneath the superficial there is more superficial.

Don't feel bad not everyone is deep or terribly interesting.

Have you tried community theater?.

by Anonymousreply 40November 18, 2015 2:15 AM

Always use the urinal next to someone in public restrooms. Glance over to see if he's pee shy. If so, lick your lips and say,"Momma like!" Proceed from there.

by Anonymousreply 41November 18, 2015 2:25 AM

OP, if you feel like your just a bit of flotsam in the sea, if you feel you are a mess, always remember we are here to condole you. Presenting: The Friends of the Friendless......

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 42November 18, 2015 3:39 AM

Dylan Moran explains love

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 43November 18, 2015 4:40 AM

There was a meet up group for the shy in Philly but it closed because men were too shy to show up.

by Anonymousreply 44November 18, 2015 5:52 AM

Be careful with damaged goods. They take take take. Few are these GREAT guys waiting to be discovered. Go on a singles vacation where they put you with a roommate.

by Anonymousreply 45November 18, 2015 5:58 AM

Take your eyes off your phones & electronics. Take a look around! There is still a lot of cruising going on, but most gay guys are looking at a phone and that is blocking one's experience to cruise. Make eye contact! Flirt a little! It takes practice, and sometimes BALLS, but it is rewarding!

by Anonymousreply 46November 18, 2015 6:01 AM

OP, I'm just the opposite. I've been in relationships all my life, and I'm enjoying being on my own now. It's a wonderful sense of freedom, and I doubt at my age, that I'll get into a reltionship again. It seems we always wish for something we don't have. I'm blond and green-eyed, and I've always wanted to be a brunette with brown eyes.

Do you have any friends? Call them up and ask them over to your place and have them bring one new friend. Instant new dating pool.

by Anonymousreply 47November 18, 2015 6:37 AM

What makes socially awkward guys damaged goods, r45 ?

by Anonymousreply 48November 18, 2015 6:39 AM

Become a counter salesman for clutch pearls.

by Anonymousreply 49November 18, 2015 6:52 AM

Take a job at the men's caftan counter at Neiman Marcus.

by Anonymousreply 50November 18, 2015 7:44 AM

Are you a nerd, OP? You should find a group nerds who share your interests, like rocketry, videogaming or D&D.

by Anonymousreply 51November 18, 2015 8:02 AM

And don't forget this one, R51

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 52November 18, 2015 8:18 AM

People are friendless for a reason.

And usually that reason has something to do with their DNA(a born loser) or a traumatic childhood which happened when they were so young it might as well be in their DNA.

Trying to make friends if you are such a person reeks of desperation and is doomed to making yourself feel even worse so let it go and find comfort in personal interests.

Just consider the loneliness a chronic illness you must learn to live with.

by Anonymousreply 53November 18, 2015 10:28 AM

Wrong r33 At worst you'll hook up with a serial killer or a gay basher who shows up with a few of his equally gay-hating friends. It will be a date to remember. If you survive, that is . . . . .

by Anonymousreply 54November 18, 2015 1:48 PM

R53 is the voice of experience.

by Anonymousreply 55November 18, 2015 2:14 PM

R54 Oh my so scary, well I somehow managed to survive after going on a couple of dates with guys I met online and I think it's a perfectly good option for shy or socially awkward people. As I said before common sense will go a long way when it comes to weeding out individuals and the worst that happened was that the entire process got boring.

Just meeting someone in person first also doesn't guarantee they wont be a psycho either. Why not just go live in a panic room if we are going to be so paranoid?

by Anonymousreply 56November 18, 2015 3:04 PM

Stop trying so hard to make it happen, r56.

And watch your back. There's always a first time, and plenty of people are out there looking for you, oh naive one.

And remember, " The Whole World Loves A Clown ! "

by Anonymousreply 57November 18, 2015 4:34 PM

"You have to put yourself out there" and "Stop trying so hard" are mutually exclusive pieces of advice I'd always get, sometimes at the same time.

I did both, at different times, along with every other of the 1000 pieces of advice (solicited and non-solicited) and never found anyone even remotely close to a match for me.

In my 50 years on the planet, I've been in SOME sort of relationship for maybe 3 years, and more than half of that short time being miserable because I was with the wrong person (being cheated on, lied to, emotionally abused, manipulated... thankfully never physically abused, but yeesh). They always start out fine. But after a couple of months, the truth comes out (the latest being a drug addict that hid it well until he didn't, and then treated me like shit for not joining him in his cocaine habit).

At this point, I give up. I have no skills in this area, and apparently I only attract "the wrong kind". And if you saw the guys I dated, you'd know I'm not SHALLOW or looks-obsessed either.

So I have no idea where you meet the right people. And I have literally no clue how most of the couples I know managed to find each other and make it work. I've never been able to make anything work. So I've given up. And you know what? I think I'm happier without that pressure to "find someone" and giving up on the believe that there is "someone out there for me". Sometimes hope can be more painful and crippling that just giving up and going it alone.

by Anonymousreply 58November 18, 2015 4:45 PM

Have you tried opening a kiosk at the mall for selling used textbooks?

by Anonymousreply 59November 18, 2015 4:47 PM

R58

I'm 55 and my situation is somewhat similar to yours. This is one time where I really truly regret that there's no way to contact other members privately.

by Anonymousreply 60November 18, 2015 4:53 PM

Most importantly, you need a good sense of humor . . . . .

by Anonymousreply 61November 18, 2015 5:20 PM

I'm not trying to make anything "happen" I was just giving OP some actual advice instead of just teasing him as some posters have, yes everyone has different experience. But if it is worth it to OP I still think it would be worth trying out just for the sake of it.

by Anonymousreply 62November 18, 2015 5:40 PM

You have to SHOCK people into liking you, OP.

by Anonymousreply 63November 18, 2015 7:20 PM

Do you know where you are r56 r62 ?

DL = DataLounge, NOT DatingLounge

by Anonymousreply 64November 18, 2015 7:56 PM

Have you thought about becoming an Altar Boy ?

by Anonymousreply 65November 18, 2015 7:58 PM

I'd like to meet you, OP. You sound kind and sensitive.

Would you like to take me out for dinner?

by Anonymousreply 66November 18, 2015 8:01 PM

Go around peeking into and tapping on basement windows.

by Anonymousreply 67November 25, 2015 6:28 AM

I lived with someone for 11 years. Disaster. I never want to feel like that again. Solitude and I are old friends, but great story, R8. Inspiring.

by Anonymousreply 68June 2, 2017 7:11 PM

Try living somewhere near a university.

by Anonymousreply 69June 2, 2017 7:14 PM

I'm not naturally shy yet around other guys I am--which is so odd. I assume it's just fear of rejection. As I get older, it's slowing dissipating. I'm realizing how stupid it is to fear someone not wanting to go out with me.

by Anonymousreply 70June 2, 2017 7:22 PM

The answer to Op's question is obvious.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 71June 2, 2017 7:23 PM

r2 that's the ticket! I bet you love wallowing in your aloneness. And I bet the world is against you, too.

by Anonymousreply 72June 2, 2017 7:25 PM

yes

by Anonymousreply 73December 8, 2017 4:53 PM

What are some events to travel to? I'm in a small town where nothing happens. I've always enjoyed my time alone, but I'm at a point where I want something more. The thought of going out makes me very nervous, but taking a big risk or step is something I've never tried. I'm not getting younger, and perhaps taking a few risks is what I need to get over my issues.

by Anonymousreply 74December 27, 2017 8:30 PM

[quote] Just consider chronic

Fixed

by Anonymousreply 75December 27, 2017 8:36 PM

You're right, R16; it is too late for you. My guess is that it has been for a very long time. It definitely has been too late since the first time you went on a first date, expecting nothing could come of it. Realistically, why would anyone want a second date with someone who's so negative?

by Anonymousreply 76December 27, 2017 8:42 PM

Actually going outside has been shown to improve one's mood.

by Anonymousreply 77December 27, 2017 8:45 PM

I am not naturally extroverted but if I see someone I want to know and he is holding back, I can be forward (and polite, human and honest).

Grow up.

by Anonymousreply 78December 27, 2017 8:48 PM

DL seems to be as good a place as any to find gay guys who don't know where else to turn to meet other gay guys and are fed up with all the other alternatives.

by Anonymousreply 79December 27, 2017 8:49 PM

Maybe the local orchid society?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 80December 27, 2017 9:19 PM

Hang out in the kitty litter aisle of your favorite store until the object of your affection shows up and then if you can get over your shyness strike up a conversation.

by Anonymousreply 81December 27, 2017 10:13 PM

What if I don't have a cat, r81? Or do we wait in the litter aisle regardless?

by Anonymousreply 82December 27, 2017 10:21 PM

[quote]R82 What if I don't have a cat?

GET one! You can always give it to an old lady neighbor if it doesn't work. Your entire [italic] future [/quote] is in the balance, here!

In all seriousness, tho, getting a dog is a great way to met people. Others stop and pet it while you're out walking. Give it some crazy name to drag out the conversation.

Also, go to as many social events as you can, and prey on fellow wallflowers. Just use "I hate these things" as an icebreaker.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 83December 27, 2017 10:58 PM

Today's world isn't for the shy or socially unskilled.

by Anonymousreply 84December 28, 2017 12:28 AM

I don't know OP, I'm 46 and I still haven't figured it out.

by Anonymousreply 85December 28, 2017 6:27 AM

R18, you forgot to add that you're hung.

by Anonymousreply 86December 28, 2017 7:13 AM

Bette Davis said that the only,thing that lasts is the work.

by Anonymousreply 87December 28, 2017 7:19 AM

R60, you might be able to contact an administrator and ask about that. I came across the following for contact (if it's still valid).

dltsto.com

by Anonymousreply 88December 28, 2017 7:46 AM

R18 I'm a poor, fat, ugly, dumb orphan tranny with 5 STD's and I just love me some rich daddies- Hit me up and I'll rock your world!

by Anonymousreply 89December 28, 2017 9:43 AM

Couples relationships are overrated for some of us. I find friendships suit me much better. I'm very introverted and a homebody but I like people. I find it's beneficial to cultivate friendships of various depth and involvement. I have a few neighbors I enjoy talking with occasionally, they are straight. I have a few close friends, a couple of much younger friends etc. As long as I have those connections I feel emotionally healthy, if I isolate myself the anxiety and self pity start to get me in their grip. All I do is take an interest in other people, listen to them and enjoy them, fairly uncomplicated stuff.

by Anonymousreply 90December 28, 2017 10:18 AM

I only want a boyfriend and no other friends at all.

by Anonymousreply 91December 28, 2017 4:26 PM

Are there other gay men under 40 who hate everything about the modern era?

by Anonymousreply 92December 28, 2017 4:28 PM

OP since you want to meet other men like yourself, I think you've won half the battle. Meaning, you are not excluding the many men like yourself in favor of the outgoing, smooth and skilled guys. Being open feels like the key to finding a relationship. If you are open to many types of men, personalities, looks and realize that friendship, companionship, love are a continuum you stand a much better chance of finding a partner. Look for the men that may not get so much attention from others but maybe have richer inner lives and hearts. You don't have to be outgoing, or "get over" shyness...but you may be able to "act as if" at least to break the ice. Notice the difference if you make eye-contact and smile at every cashier you meet, notice the difference if you use open body language when you're engaged in conversation, notice the difference if you are easy with yourself when a conversation doesn't flow the way you'd like it to. Give yourself permission to try, give yourself permission to fail. And good luck!

by Anonymousreply 93December 28, 2017 4:53 PM

Other gay men reject me before I have a chance to reject them.

by Anonymousreply 94December 28, 2017 4:54 PM

They say hopeless romantics don't make good boyfriends, but it's better than trying to make a husband out of a slut.

by Anonymousreply 95December 28, 2017 4:55 PM

Mid-term election season is starting and volunteers fuck like bunnies.

Fuck for your country!

by Anonymousreply 96December 29, 2017 3:38 AM

I've always been the nice guy, and am polite to everyone I meet. I just never really learned how to properly approach people I find attractive, or interesting. By the time I realize I should just give up, and "adopt" the squirrels that live in the trees outside my home, I notice that said interesting/attractive person has gone home with someone else.

by Anonymousreply 97December 29, 2017 4:30 AM

I basically have no self-esteem so I'm not really betting on meeting anyone.

by Anonymousreply 98December 29, 2017 4:58 AM

Low self-esteem and self-confidence is something most guys are too afraid to openly talk about.

by Anonymousreply 99December 29, 2017 5:02 AM

I'm too shy and socially anxious to meet anyone. I've pretty much accepted that I'm one of those people who is better off alone anyway.

by Anonymousreply 100December 29, 2017 5:13 AM

I'm beyond shy and socially anxious. What makes it even more sad is that in my heart, I still hope I'll find someone some day. Then my brain gives me a reality check and laughs at me.

by Anonymousreply 101December 29, 2017 5:16 AM

One thing gay men need to stop doing to each other is shaming each other for expressing any kind of negativity without trying to understand that all negativity comes from a point of view of having been hurt.

I also believe that lot of gay men are afraid to approach men who might be interested because of the negative consequences of being rejected. If only the worst a guy who wasn't interested could do was to say no.

by Anonymousreply 102December 29, 2017 6:08 AM

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm damaged goods. I let my mental health problems run my life, and it kept me from going down the typical path. I never had a high school sweetheart, didn't make the lifelong friends in college, the only people I talk to on a regular basis is my immediate family, and am trying to get back into the workforce. I would love to have a little family of my own, and some friends, but my mind has so far fucked it up for me.

I am in the process of getting help. It's hard opening up and trusting someone, but I'm trying. It's scary, but I'm hoping my therapist can understand what I've put up with my entire life, and all the shit that goes on in my head. If I fail, I understand that some of us are put on this earth to be lessons for others.

by Anonymousreply 103December 29, 2017 6:36 AM

After 64 years, I've finally realized that it's futile and counter-productive looking for my place in a world that has no place for me. Whelp, the world's loss *shrug*

by Anonymousreply 104December 29, 2017 6:36 AM

R103, that's great that you are working on things. Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 105December 29, 2017 6:42 AM

Gay life has never been pretty for men. You basically have to be a young shallow whore to enjoy any of it. If your 'aged out' and looking for long-term monogamy, you're dreaming. Even 'married' men have open relationships or third party tricks. The best you can hope for is a close, loyal, non-sexual life partner. Men simply don't fall in love like straight couples often do. Infatuation is short-lived and completely different. If I could "choose" to be straight, I would have made that choice many years ago. There's a reason for the epidemic depression/suicide rate for gay men, and it has very little to do with oppression. These are the cold, hard facts. Life can still be good and meaningful, but you have to focus on other things besides your gayness.

by Anonymousreply 106December 29, 2017 9:29 AM

R106, that is the most self-loathing, pseudointellectual post-modern misandrist homophobic crap I have ever read in my life. You're part of the reason gay men have trouble finding husbands.

by Anonymousreply 107December 29, 2017 3:49 PM

The scary part is r107 is that r106 is probably SOMEONE'S husband.

by Anonymousreply 108December 29, 2017 3:52 PM

If you have problems with your self-esteem and self-confidence, stay away from social media, especially Instagram.

by Anonymousreply 109December 29, 2017 4:28 PM

That's awesome, R8. Congrats. Inspiring.

by Anonymousreply 110December 29, 2017 5:40 PM

R8, of you're still keeping up with this thread, are you and your guy still together?

by Anonymousreply 111December 29, 2017 11:45 PM

R107 I'm sorry to sound so pessimistic, But I'm older and have been exposed to the life for many years. Gay men just don't connect the same way straight couples do. I envy those straight people like my parents and countless straight couples that share real, unconditional loving marriages. That magic just doesn't happen between two men. Even though the divorce rate is sky high these days. There's still a good chance that a good marriage will last. Gay men can definitely have bonding friendships and live happy lives if we adjust our priorities as we 'age out' of the dating pool.

by Anonymousreply 112December 30, 2017 2:13 AM

R36 You should volunteer for a suicide hotline- its your calling!

by Anonymousreply 113December 30, 2017 2:23 AM

R61 That helps during the day, but the nights still get cold and lonely.

by Anonymousreply 114December 30, 2017 2:27 AM

Call me 'eccentric', but I bought a giant teddy bear to sleep with from Wal-mart for $40. Its warm and cuddly and it doesn't snore, sweat, or hog the covers. Great investment!

by Anonymousreply 115December 30, 2017 2:34 AM

R54 Secret fantasy?

by Anonymousreply 116December 30, 2017 2:37 AM

R106, I must have blocked you some time ago, but had to see what R107 was fussing about. I think a lot of what you wrote is valid.

by Anonymousreply 117December 30, 2017 2:42 AM

R93 You win the 'most sensible advice" award for this thread.

by Anonymousreply 118December 30, 2017 2:47 AM

R95 Amen sister! Once a slut-always a slut.

by Anonymousreply 119December 30, 2017 2:52 AM

R96 Gurl, put down that bottle!

by Anonymousreply 120December 30, 2017 2:54 AM

R104 We all have a purpose- even if we never have 'little families of our own'. Some of us were meant to be support people ie: volunteering, caring for aging parents, helping disadvantaged children, etc. It doesn't fill the void of loneliness, but it puts things in perspective and it makes you feel needed, because you are needed.

by Anonymousreply 121December 30, 2017 3:12 AM

R108 The truth is often painful, but it helps us accept reality and make positive changes.

by Anonymousreply 122December 30, 2017 3:17 AM

sex death cult. first you fuck and then your head is blown off by a gun when you reach orgasm

by Anonymousreply 123December 30, 2017 3:31 AM

R117 Thanks, I just think it's better to be realistic but also optimistic, rather than to waste your entire life chasing 'rainbows'. Focus on strengthening relationships with family and true friends who really love you.

by Anonymousreply 124December 30, 2017 3:36 AM

Anyone make a new years resolution to try and take control if your life?

by Anonymousreply 125January 1, 2018 11:18 PM

Yep, R125, last year. And the year before that. And the year before that.

by Anonymousreply 126January 1, 2018 11:23 PM

[quote]I'm one. I'm alone. I just turned 50. I've always been alone, and it's just too late for that to change now.

I’m not shy, and don’t have a problem socializing. But, when it comes to dating, I get very introverted. I’m considered attractive, but men get the wrong idea that I’m not interested. It really sucks sometimes, but it is what it is.

by Anonymousreply 127January 1, 2018 11:35 PM

OP,

Pick one up at the gas station.

by Anonymousreply 128January 1, 2018 11:36 PM

[quote]NO! I met the love of my life when I was 53. I was drinking alone at a bar when the most handsome man came in, walked past me, smiled, and kept going (turns out he was headed to the men's room). I waited until he found a spot and ordered a drink. Then I told myself I had nothing to lose, got up, walked over to him and started a conversation.

Nice story, thanks for sharing.

by Anonymousreply 129January 1, 2018 11:39 PM

[quote]I'm blond and green-eyed, and I've always wanted to be a brunette with brown eyes.

Seriously? Blondes always make me weak in the knees, and I’m a brown-eyed brunette!

by Anonymousreply 130January 1, 2018 11:58 PM

Start a meetup group for gay programmers/statisticians. Or maybe gay comic book geeks. A gay board game or Settlers of Catan group would also work. You could also just call it a “let’s make friends” group for gay introverts. You would get people attending. I’m in Central NJ. I would attend.

by Anonymousreply 131January 2, 2018 12:11 AM

It just sucks when you keep going between feeling so lonely and isolated and feeling like you don't want to have anything to do with anyone because you're so anxious and can't trust people. I'm either lonely and wish I had family/friends or else i don't want people near me. Does anyone else ever feel that conflicted?

by Anonymousreply 132January 2, 2018 12:24 AM

Yes, R132. Trying to find gay people who not only share your values but want you as a mate can be hard. And if you've been hurt before, it's understandable if you're afraid you'll be hurt again.

by Anonymousreply 133January 2, 2018 12:35 AM

Yeah, R133. Im shy and don't have the best self esteem and get nervous around other people in general. Most people just ignore me which is probably the best thing and I'm too awkward to try and approach or talk to others :( It's a hard thing to overcome.

by Anonymousreply 134January 2, 2018 1:20 AM

I feel the same way. I can feel lonely in a crowd, too.

by Anonymousreply 135January 2, 2018 1:21 AM

I couldn't help myself and scrolled through Instagram last night. There is a part of me that would love to go out, meet people, and have the same fun everyone else is. Then my head goes through every possible situation, scenario, and outcome; I think about all of the people, the noise, and I get overwhelmed and implode. I wish it wouldn't happen, I just can't help it.

by Anonymousreply 136January 2, 2018 1:31 AM

This explains certain DLers' obsession with [italic]One Day at a Time[/italic]: the desire to be held while scared.

by Anonymousreply 137January 2, 2018 1:31 AM

I'm the exact same way R134, I want friends and a boyfriend so much but my anxiety around people is so bad that on the very rare occasions I do go out I end up off to myself anyway.

by Anonymousreply 138January 2, 2018 1:34 AM

Do you think someone can be damaged to the point where they'll never recover from self esteem and anxiety issues? I think I'm too messed up to ever get over it.

by Anonymousreply 139January 2, 2018 1:48 AM

I fall asleep thinking about that every night, r139.

by Anonymousreply 140January 2, 2018 1:50 AM

Same here, R140 :( hugs to you. I have so much emotional pain that I'll never be normal.

by Anonymousreply 141January 2, 2018 1:55 AM

Thanks, r141. Knowing that I've wasted the best years of my life hurts the most I think. I can't go back and change anything. My youth is gone, and the next chapter in my life seems a little pointless.

There's a small part of me that is hopeful for the new year... but I was in the same place last year.

by Anonymousreply 142January 2, 2018 2:07 AM

I'm so sorry, R142. I'm young but kind of feel like there's too many years left to be like this but I can't see a way out either, you know? Nothing works and like i said I wonder if some people can't get over stuff like this no matter what they try to do?? It's so weird because I kind of gave up and am okay with the way I am but then there's the times when I get so crazy lonely too. I hope things are better for you this year.

by Anonymousreply 143January 2, 2018 2:23 AM

R133 Gay men with decent values are rare, most seem to only be interested in cum injections.

by Anonymousreply 144January 2, 2018 4:44 AM

Solitude and I are old friends.

by Anonymousreply 145January 2, 2018 4:50 AM

[quote][R133] Gay men with decent values are rare, most seem to only be interested in cum injections.

That's a goal to work towards. But that requires trust. Where are the gay men who are willing to wait to have sex until we both get tested?

by Anonymousreply 146January 2, 2018 5:00 AM

The internet ruined everything. I am looking forward to a renaissance in the brick and mortar world. It’s long overdue.

by Anonymousreply 147January 2, 2018 5:17 AM

I think men are are so competitive by nature that the 'hunt' for a partner becomes more important than the 'catch'. We are ready to move on to the next challenge when we bag the prize. Hence, the short lifespan of gay male relationships. We just want the thrill of knowing that we are good enough to get what we want. Some men mature out of it, but many never do.

by Anonymousreply 148January 2, 2018 5:24 AM
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