Someone is using my toilet

Pay your housekeeper better esé

I have high hopes for this thread.

Maybe it's one of your poops that floated back down the pipe.

It's shitting from INSIDE the apartment!

Report it immediately to management. And keep a log (no pun intended) of how often this happens. Check your sheets, did he jerk off on your bed? This is creepy.

I thought the scat troll died.

I guess this must be a new one.

I came home from having Xmas with the family one time to find shit smears on my toilet seat & shitty fingerprints on my roll of toilet paper. It was so fucking disgusting. I lived with a roommate, but he had his own bathroom. I never got up the guts to ask him WTF went down when I was gone, but damn. People are nasty. If you're gonna shit all over the walls at someone else's place, at least clean up after yourself.

To the best of your knowledge, does Cujo ever perch like a gargoyle on your building's roof?

Are you certain it isn't a backup issue with the pipes? I've had the toilet not drain properly when the washing machine is in use. If you're sure that it isn't, a hidden camera is easy to install.

We all float down here, OP.

See you soon.

I am still haunting you, Betty!

"People are nasty. If you're gonna shit all over the walls at someone else's place, at least clean up after yourself.

I'm no psycologist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express. I would think that would defeat the reason why did it in the first place.

Probably one of your cats.

Put up a webcam in the bathroom or buy half a dozen big scary spiders, put them in the toilet bowl with a sheet of film over the top to keep them in (so long as they are not there long enough to suffocate!).

Both would be even better and quite amusing.

"Left a nasty"

Are you eight years old, OP?

Don't use itching powder or anything like that as you might forget it's there and you'll be the one with an ass on fire. I think getting a secret camera is the best solution if you can afford it. I think that is something you can take to the police as evidence. Also, if you set up something that hurts even an intruder you might be the one in legal trouble as unfair as that might be.

Anyone in an expensive apartment can afford a $30 webcam.

-100/10

I have four words for you OP.

Seran Wrap Toilet Prank.

Please install the webcam then post the results here.

You know, OP, if a burglar shits excuse me, leaves a nasty in a property, the judge will give them extra time. It's called 'soiling' .

My advice to you, is to give Cujo a long, hard look next time he crosses your path. If he flinches under your gaze, well, you have your answer.

Was it an Exceptionally Smelly Turd?

OP = feces-obsessed Scat Queen!

MR. HANKY !

Nasty girls, don't mean a thing!

I love r22.

I love you, R24! Mr. Hanky is one of the sickest jokes ever invented by South Park!

One of the best threads to appear in a long, LONG time.

[quote]I came home tonight and someone had left a nasty in my private bathroom

Jack Nasty!

Wanna buy a bowel---I mean a vowel? Somebody loathes you, O.P.. (Somebody outside of THIS illustrious circle, I mean.)

OP has issues...literally.

Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh heh.

*POOP*

Heh heh. Heh heh.

"Someone is Using My Toilet" sounds like the title of a Noel Coward song.

SOMEONE IS USING MY TOILET!---The Musical

Currently at previews. Wintergarden Theatre.

Were your new Satin high heels and large cloth bag covered in the filthy poop? Do you live at the Bellagio?

OP=has two towels, frozen turkey meatballs in freezer

Why didn't you save the evidence for DNA analysis?

Sounds like very passive/aggressive on the part of Cujo.

Someone suggested a camera. Good idea.

Document everything! Only way to build a case against the perp.

You may want to make sure (perhaps next Friday since this seems to be a Friday thing) that you flush, flush, flush before leaving for work. You may want to grab your phone and do a video of you flushing several times while narrating that you are flushing and there is no poop in the toilet. Sounds extreme, but you want to document that it isn't your poop making a sudden re-appearance.

When you return home and if you find any poop then ask to speak to the super and go from there.

OMG, R8 - what was that thread from way back about that guy's neighbour who perched on her garage roof like a gargoyle? He had a video or pics of it or something.

Man, that was the good ol' days of DL.

Is this an ELEOP?????

I bring you glad tidings and feces - I mean, felicitations!

Just be thankful it was not an upper decker.

I never thought of a webcam - I don't think like that. I'll feel like Chuck Berry, but maybe that's the thing to do. The thing is, I came home from dinner and saw these posts, and went back to the bathroom to poke around and didn't notice anything, except this. Last night I had used the end of the tp roll and put a new one in, and I just saw that the roll had been turned over "the wrong way" (which I would never have done) but that it had not been used. I mean, the end sheets were stuck to the others the way a fresh roll is. The reason I knew it wasn't me today was because I didn't "go" this morning.

So whoever it was not only fouled my personal space, but also turned to toilet paper roll and then didn't use it after splashing the abomination into the bowl. And I realized that there wasn't any toilet paper in the bowl when I got home. That's how I saw the ridiculous size of it.

God. Now I'm afraid to go through my linen closet because he might have used a towel and then folded it back up. I don't smell anything in there, but I'm sick to think about it. And if that person didn't wipe, it means - ugh.

I am thinking Cujo. I didn't see him today but he leaves earlier than I get home. He works weekends. And there's this other ratty little guy, too, who does the keys, but he's never looked at me the way Cujo does.

I don't want to tell the building manager because it would go to the co-op committee and I've already got issues with them from some other problems I've had.

Sorry to go on. It's just nasty, like I said. I'm using one of the guest room bathrooms, it has me so upset. I mean, some strange dirty ass was pressed against my toilet seat, thinking of me as he did it.

Write a note that says, "CUJO, NO!" and tape it to the underside of the toilet lid, then close the toilet. He might come back and find it. Have the cam ready for full documentation.

Put a rattlesnake in your toilet.

Go to a joke shop and get a rubber snake to put in the toilet on Friday.

OP, get a new toothbrush.

You cleaned with bleach, every surface, already - right?

[quote]OMG, [R8] - what was that thread from way back about that guy's neighbour who perched on her garage roof like a gargoyle? He had a video or pics of it or something.

Here you go, R39.

Next time this happens find Cujo, drag him to the toilet and rub his nose in it. Say very direct "BAD CUJO! BAD CUJO!" and hit him in the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Do not take pity when he looks at you with big sad eyes and whimpers. And forget the guilt laden rubber toy purchase to show Cujo you are sorry.

For some reason I picture OP as the husband in the shitty Julia Roberts movie "Sleeping With the Enemy" (I know this makes no sense).

R48, I lid-slammed, flushed and ran. I haven't opened the lid since. I'm telling the cleaner tomorrow to clean everything extra well with disinfectant and give her a tip.

I just realized she has a key, too, but the doorman has to let her in, and he wouldn't let anyone else in but her. They do have cameras around the building, but not on the floors, so I can't ask for checking on someone coming into my place.

God, I realized, too, after this question that I'm not even sure that those monsters went down. It's not a great plumbing system here, and it was monstrous. I don't want the cleaner to come in and think I did it, but I don't want to look. I'm heading back in to flush a half dozen times. I just can't see those things again. I know I sound like a hysterical thing, but it's triggered some of my phobias.

This thread is useless without pictures.

[quote]This thread is useless without pictures.

Yes, but not of the nasty deposit. Rather, of OP cowering in the corner clutching a can of Lysol.

My thoughts exactly R47

Lots of idiots

This sounds like a premise for a British Show.

Can't stop laughing at R5's "keep a log" omg!

Also Divine "some fucker's sent me a bowel movement !"

And one more. Does anyone remember the David Sedaris story Big Boy?! I thought about just scooping it up with my hands & throwing it out the window. But the people at this brunch were definitely the types that would come to investigate a rustling in the bushes.

Hahahahaha [r58]

OP, do you live with two other bears and have you also discovered that someone has been eating your food and sleeping in your bed?

It was me, ya know what I mean?

SOMEONE IS USING MY TOILET! Keep telling yourself, "it's only a doodie, it's ONLY A DOODIE!"

At least OP was spared any corn.

If this is true, and it's pretty doggone good if it's a joke on us, I'm with OP in being totally freaked.

OP, if I knew you, I would help with this, let you stay at my place, and help you catch the guy. That is, if you let me handle the punishment.

This has always been one I'd my worst fears about living in an apartmentt.

Using your toilet?

Re-read your lease carefully. Generally speaking they are *not* permitted to send staff into your apartment without permission except in the case of an emergency. If this staffer is snooping around in people's apartments, he needs to be fired immediately. This is nothing to joke about, he could be stealing stuff from people's places as well, or stealing people's personal information such as credit card numbers, social security numbers, etc...

I would be furious, and threatening to sue if I came home to something like that - even just once! Let them know you will be writing a scathing review about them on all the rental sites if they do not do something about this immediately. You should also demand they replace your locks at their expense.

If you have a laptop that you leave at home, and it ha s a web cam on it, there is software you can install that will detect motion and only record if something is moving in front of the lens. You don't need to have it recording in your bathroom - the simple fact that he is entering your apartment in the first place is a big enough offense.

Nobody is going to empathize with this guy if you catch him on tape. All the other residents will likely be equally infuriated and worried if this has happened to them as well.

Oh please. This never happened. "One of" your guest bathrooms? You overplayed your hand, OP. Throwing in the bit about already having issues with the co-op board? Nice try. I'll give you props for giving us some fun around here, but overall, this EST gets 3/10.

Where is the Datalounge scat dude? He is missing a great event here.

WWP

People are allowed to just enter your apartment anytime without you being informed?

People are too eager to proclaim a funny thread 'an instant classic' these days. Threads get hyped up so fast on DL and then fizzle. And yes, 'guest bathrooms'? plural? In an apartment, housing one guy?

I vote for faulty turd-releasing plumbing.

There was DOO-DOO!

FECES!

ON THE WALLS!

Little TV sets

Going off inside my ears

Aliens floating by

Buy some crack or beer

Chase the demons lightly

Up and down the side walk

Take a doo-doo pie..

I love you...

It's living under your bed.......

Do you have a way to bolt the door to keep him from entering during the night?

Why can't you just install a deadbolt security lock? I would have called a locksmith the same day I found the first "nasty" in the toilet.

get a dump cam

[quote]Seran Wrap Toilet Prank.

Right. So on top of having this guy shitting in your apartment you get the task of having to clean it up.

O-kay...OP, how about you buy a separate lock for your bathroom door? I don't think that would be in violation of a lease; the super-management, whatever would still have a key to your APARTMENT...if you don't have time to do yourself, I would spend $$$ for a locksmith; have one come on a day you're home. I imagine a bedroom lock might be considered in violation of your lease (which sucks), but I wonder about a bathroom...

I own a three-bedroom apartment and there are bathrooms in each one of them, and a powder room. It's a renovated old building and I bought it for the space. I didn't think it was unusual. We have a door man from six in the morning to midnight. I can't padlock my door because of the co-op rules. We have deadbolts but the manager has access. No, people can't just enter your place, except in an emergency. The issue here is someone improperly letting himself into the unit. Of course I'm having my locks changed, but if someone with access to the unit makes a copy, I'm back where I started.

I don't know where you people live but this is all standard.

Anyway, everything was okay this morning when I checked. I had to get over the disgusted feeling. I talked with one neighbor I'm friendly with, and she said - after gagging - that she hadn't heard anything like this and said to talk with the board president, change the locks and maybe put a camera in. So.

I hope none of you ever have this experience. Too weird.

Not to freak you out even further, but there was a true story in the news about a year or so ago where some renters discovered they had an extra "room mate" hiding away in a hidden room in the unit they were living in. I'm not sure if I can post links here or not but the article is on Huffington Post and it's titled "Students Find Man Secretly Living In Basement Behind Locked Door".

I's get a vicious dog to spend the day in the bathroom when I'm out. If the shitter opens the bathroom door it should be a dog trained to bit off his dick.

Either that, or get a recording of a vicious dog, and as soon as anyone touches the door handle it starts barking and growling.

Put a sign on the bathroom that says Please find some other apartment to shit in. This one is under surveillance.

Cameras. Is there anyway you can act like you went out, then hide and catch him in the act. You can report him immediately. Think about it.

If the maintenance/repairman is doing this, you may have a problem building a case. Let's say the manager asked him to check something in your apartment. While he was there he used the facilities. Easily explained.

I think he has malicious intent. Also Don't they have to give you notice if they want access to your apartment? You need to get on this fast.

And start looking for another apartment. These people seem low class. He may be doing this because he is a hateful homophobe.

[quote]someone had left a nasty in my private bathroom

As opposed to in your public bathroom?

What a dump!

[quote] I's get a vicious dog to spend the day in the bathroom when I'm out.

Theys my favorites!

For those recommending a OP lock a vicious dog in the bathroom OP has already stated that "Cujo" is the most likely perp of the deed in question.

Was there corn in the poop?

That's hilarious, R83. I have wondered if maybe things have gone on that I didn't think about. My work requires me to travel, and if it's out of the country I'm gone for a couple weeks at a time. When I've returned, especially in the last year, I've noticed little things, but assumed it was the woman who cleans just moving things. She does laundry, too, so closets and clothes and bed linens looking moved hasn't made me question it, although once there was sand on the mattress of the extra bedrooms when a cousin stayed over - he came out and asked me if I had a merman staying over. I know Cujo likes the water, because the super has mentioned him taking off and going to the beach on his work days and wanting to switch schedules.

Actually, he does have BDF and I've never heard of him having a wife or live-in or kids. I've thought he's kind of slow. He does look like a beast. But, no. NO.

I'm going with the camera. I decided not to report it just yet. I want evidence. I'm heading to a store tomorrow for a camera and apparently, from what people have said here, it's not an unusual thing to get. And I will post it if something comes out of it. Because it's not like this needs privacy.

THE POOP WAS DRY!

The OP of this pathetic rag of lies is the same asshole who, on the Is Ringo Rich thread, blithely pulls a number of $500 million in wealth for Ringo and $750 million for Yoko and Paul.

In multiple other threads, he flings out "Your a CUNT" to nearly a dozen people who disagree with him.

He is a FOP who lives in a bizarre imaginary world and comes her to type lies simply because he is lonely and unhappy in life.

He should be banned from the lounge and his $18 better suited to paying for professional mental health.

R92 certainly is a cunt. Interesting how a DL-stalker presumes to prescribe mental health services for someone else. It's not, of course, that the creature knows the first thing about how things work here, or what the point is.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean "creature." That was rude. I meant "cunt."

And if you look at my use of the word, you'll see, you inauthentic, hectoring, deluded, pompous-ass, dull and ignorant piece of bewarted and beclotted twattery, when I say it it's for a reason and a good one, you cunt.

Now quit shitting in the community DL bowl and not flushing.

R93 swallowed a Thesaurus for breakfast today. Too bad he didn't choke to death on it.

R94, you don't help matters to wish strangers dead because they can express colorful outrage. It makes your face go piggy. Piggier.

But that's a quality of people who defend both cunts and turds.

R95=Thinks he's Eleanor of Aquitane tonight.

Hey OP, shut the fuck up and own your own despicable behaviour.

R93 aka OP has clearly outed herself as a big fat liar.

And this thread IS, in fact, an Exceptionally Smelly Turd.

"Big fat liar"?

Does this idiot - no doubt a bloated Frau - not understand how horrible life can be and how the DL exists to record and report on this fact, in all its putative horror? Truth is about more than how many strange turds are floating in one's bowl.

Despicable behavior? Look at you non-wipers here. Terrible.

And R96 needs to learn how to spell before presuming to invoke historical figures. (If she actually knows Eleanor existed outside a movie.)

What a pile of waste you people are. And in the meantime Cujo is on the loose.

You're a mess, OP. A mess.

We're flushing you AND this thread. You need a Tidy-Bowl man to help clean up your lies.

R100 is such a turdpig.

You're obsessed with feces, R101. Seek help.

Cujo will eventually murder you.

Seriously, change the lock to your apartment. They should not come in without permission.

You

ain't

shit!

OP has been uncovered as the resident DataLounge scat troll. Go back to your "I EAT FECES" posts you disgusting turdball.

Any updates OP

Yuck

Get out of the house. The poop is coming from upstairs