Major Pet Peeves in Porn

You think too much and it seems watch too much porn. Just jack off, get it over and do something more productive.

EBOLA PORN

I hate when the guys don't kiss before Alex.

I hate when you can tell that 1 or both guys don't look that into each other.

I hate when 1 guy is very hot and his scene partner is ugly/has a shitty body.

I hate when only the bottom does the rimming.

I hate when the blow job is the longest sex act of the scene.

I hate when the camera only/mostly zooms in on the dick going in the ass during sex. I like to watch the guy's faces too.

I hate when the guys don't kiss during sex.

I hate when the guys only fuck in 1 position.

And I agree it's horrible how little diversity there is in the bigger budget porn studios. There are many hot guys of all backgrounds, not just white and Latin.

I hate the forced cumming on faces or bodies when internals would be more natural.

Three major things that probably affects diversity or when minorities show up in gay porn: 1) availability; 2) lack of actively seeking out diversity is a reflection of the customer base (see Belamie uproar over a darker skinned model being cast for one of their updates last year); 3) stereotypes (when minorities do show up on major porn sites you can be guaranteed they are there to fulfill a particular fantasy of the customer base).

1. Plot. Any plot beyond "let's fuck" is unnecessary.

2. Shoes. Specifically, when the scene is filmed indoors and the guys are naked except for the (usually ugly) trainers on their feet. If you insist on incorporating footwear, at least make it something hot like work boots, or socks/dress shoes.

Half an hour of crappy lame story,and random shots of country side and waterfalls...

Flaccid dicks for sure and bad blow job techniques. Big dicks that can't get totally hard. What's the sense?

When it's not lit properly. Natural light or a dimly lit bedroom might appeal to the director as an artistic choice, but it defeats the purpose if I can't see what the hell's going on.

Filming solos from one unchanging full-body shot, with occasional flashes from other angles. It's much better when you get lots of perspectives, close-ups of various body parts, pans up and down the body so you can enjoy everything the model has to offer.

Webcam captures, for the same reasons as above. I see videos on the tube sites with some of the hottest guys I've ever seen, then they turn out to be thirty minutes of the guy sitting completely still in a chair stroking his cock. May as well make a gif.

Directors who tack five minutes of scenic footage from New York or Prague or wherever to the beginning of the scene, or start out on a painting on the wall or a vase and slooooowly pan over to the action. I can't jack off to that, Scorsese! The worst is the guy from one of the military sites who has to start every scene with one of the models walking down the street, up the stairs, and into the front door of his building; then the other model doing the same. I know the guys came from somewhere else, dude -- you don't have to prove it.

The guy from Circle Jerk Boys who has to either begin or end every video by screeching, "well, ALLLLLL-RIGHTY, guys!" Or nasty ass Jake Cruise butting into the scene and staring right into the camera with his possum face. Or that weirdo with the stutter from Gemini who ruins the scenes by making the guys suck his tiny dick.

Yes, I probably have too many standards for porn. Thank goodness there's so damn much of it these days that I can still find plenty that's exactly what I like.

I like a *well crafted* storyline that seems more inclined to real life. Some studios are better at this than others.

Two friends discovering that they're attracted to each other is a lot more sexually interesting than a pizza boy who decides his "tip" is the customer's ass. With porn storylines subtlety is decidedly better than over the top drama/comedy.

Too much fucking. Inandoutandinandoutandinandoutandinandoutandinandoutand is boring after a couple of minutes.

Too many uncut guys. There should be a warning.

Creepy directors who always interject themselves into the action is the absolute worst. Sometimes even the sound of some people's voices (Dink Flamingo, Broke Straight Boys) can make your dick go limp. Worst thing is, the types who are the creepiest can't shut the fuck up. They ruin scenes.

Guys with nasty outie belly buttons.

With all the porn addicts who post here, this thread will have 600+ responses by midnight.

Condoms. Who wants to see that?

Fake noises. "Give it to me, yeah". Shut up!

R2, self-lubing with your own sloughing-off colon tissues may turn you on, but save it for the morgue. And take the catfishing, homophobic cunt Witchie-Poo with you.

Thanks!

I just fell in love in R10. You've got me cackling and sweating over here.

OT: I'd say the worst would have to be disinterested models who clearly don't want to be doing what they do. Parings where one of the guys has no business (no matter his dick size) being filmed or even seen. The absolute worst, however, are annoying sex noises bottoms make, like the "SHHH-AH, SHHH-AH" or exaggeratedly girly moans. And Damien Crosse, hot top, but he needs to keep a full mouth at all times.

Type with type. Muscle fucking muscle. Twink fucking twink. Black on black....I like it mixed. Like a sexy, trashy, big dick top with an all American, smooth twink.....you get the point...like a bear fucking a twink is hot. A bear fucking another bear...not so much...

I totally agree R10, a decent plot to a porn movie can make it so much hotter and more fun.

I don't understand why some of you hate plot so much.

I saw one where twinks were costumed as firemen. They kept falling down because the uniforms were too heavy.

[quote]I hate the forced cumming on faces or bodies when internals would be more natural.

Yes!

Jock straps, tan lines, noiseless sex, cum shots, bad acting, no plot.

Too much fucking, not enough foreplay.

Cameras that are in constant motion, panning up and down the performers' bodies. It's OK to stop for 30-40 seconds or so and let us look.

When the guy's allegedly straight and he's getting blown while he watches straight porn, TURN OFF THE SOUND ON THE STRAIGHT PORN. There's a couple of vids that would be absolutely fucking hot except you can hear the woman.

Looping money shots, stunt dick close-ups, and other cheats.

Enhanced sound effects like voice-over panting and grunting, slurpy noises by the porno foley artist. I once saw a solo jerk-off video with the sound of a spray paint can being shaken with its steel ball bearing bouncing back and forth.

r21 I don't hate plot in theory, I'd just prefer it wasn't there at all rather than there and poorly executed. And it is always poorly executed. The demand isn't there to fully commit to telling a real story so we end up with some half assed going through the motions. And the models are frequently not good at that aspect of the performance, which is not something I mock them for. I think very few people have what it takes to do porn, and these guys have little incentive to develop acting skills beyond the mechanics of fucking.

The act of spitting in the ass while rimming *owns* this thread. This seems to be a recent new millenium thing since earlier porn (up until the mid 90's or so) rarely featured this.

They should also teach guys how to kiss in porn. i have seen amateur guy-off-the-street stuff where you can see a light go on in their eyes as they really get into the making out. I think more nipple sucking and frottage should be featured as well.

The top prison dog who slaps his subservient fellow inmates around, barks out orders, even has the guards dominated, then lights up a cigarette...and procedes to smoke it fingers flexed, hand in air, a la Bette Davis.

"Tough" truckers, garbagemen, janitors, and construction workers who remove their clothes...to reveal red hot...California thong tan lines!

Guys with excessive, badly placed or simply ugly tattoos. Which means, pretty much all gay porn. Why spend all that time in the gym and injecting yourself with steroids and HGH only to destroy your body with vile tatoos?

the fucking always starts around the 10 minute mark

Hate it when guys say "Suck that dick" when "Suck MY dick" is so much hotter.

Pet Peeves? Pussies on screen, whether they're pettable or not.

The top starts off all forceful and dominant. Then when he takes his pants off and his dick size doesn't back it up.

I hate pets in porn. Such a turn off.

"Ssssssssuck my cockkkk," with the lisping s and the over-enunciated ck.

As a matter of fact, the word cock should be banned from porno. Dick, even johnson (for frat guys), is hotter.

Pecks on the lips or no kissing at all. I love seeing passionate kissing. There is too little of that. If you could put your mouth around a dick I don't know why you can't kiss a man properly.

The gym bunny look, shaving of anything on the body and tanned butts. Everyone looks the same. I like natural guys. I know that I am not allowed to like your average guy.

Rich Americans, please mail us a cheeseburger.

1) No kissing

2) No oral sex

3) The big muscle hairy butch guy getting fucked by the effeminate smooth twink

4) Starting out already naked

5) Suddenly going from clothed to naked and hard

The last two are big... I love the strip-tease, the discovery, the fore-play, the groping, the undressing, the reveal.

Feminine guys, especially when they are cast as football players, military men, or mechanics. Find masculine dudes to fulfill masculine fantasies.

Similar to what OP said... tattooed, pierced guys cast as professionals, CEOs, etc. Especially when they have hair like Mohawks or pony-tails.

If you're going to do executive porn, get guys you'd actually buy as an executive for chrissakes.

Pulling out infuriates me. I'd rather see something natural than the actual cum shot. It is way hotter to have an internal and see the cum dribbling out at the end.

"Johnson" is never hot, R38.

Cock is hotter than dick.

A facial scene where the guy getting the facial winces and acts like he's about to be sprayed with radioactive lava. I can understand not wanting to get in your eye, but don't act like it's toxic waste and give me the feeling you're hating it.

[quote]I hate when the guys don't kiss before Alex.

Oh, me too. Alex should ALWAYS be in the room when they kiss!

Actually r45, I saw one that was pretty hot with the top coming inside, pulling out, pulling off the condom, and showing it off full of sponge.

R50, so the bottom was sponge-worthy?

Moaning, groaning and dirty talk at ear-shattering decibel levels. "OH YEAH!! FUCK YEAH!! FUCK MY ASSSSSS!!!!"

*Starting out already naked--I much prefer seeing them taking off their clothes.

*Having to listen to them be asked stupid questions about their exercise routines (who gives a shit? I'm not watching porn for fitness tips), or their tastes in women (!!!).

*Dumb trendy haircuts that look dated a week after they had them cut.

R54= why porn is necessary for the eternally alone and dateless misanthropes

Shaved, or even worse, completely non-existent pubes. I am not a pedophile!

r54, gladlythe only sex you'll ever have is with your hand.

Shaved pubes are the worst. I don't even like manscaping but I'm a purist when it comes to body hair. I don't mind a naturally smooth guy, but no one is naturally smooth down there.

Why do you think black gay pron is so disproportionately represented on gay sex sites? It's because it appeals to so few. I'll wager most black gays prefer watching white on white pron to the bestial black on black attempts at erotica. It's just so, ewww...

Vagina.

The performers wearing socks during sex, especially dirty white tube socks.

The cameraman interacting with the performers unless it's an interview segment, which are lame enough. Don't want to hear anyone speaking who does not show their faces on screen.

Camera out of focus during the money shot or missing the money shot completely.

3-ways with 2 hot guys and one fugly guy. Every freaking time.

It is definitely frustrating that some porn producers aren't upholding the justly famous creative standards of the industry as a whole.

Dear rich Americans who can afford to worry about porn, please mail me a cheeseburger.

..... ........ ...... I hate it when the dialogue is ..... out of synch.

Lack of internal cum shots. If you have to use your hand to attain climax, the sex is bad.

Half hard cocks are the ultimate turn off. Though I completely understand the bottoms getting pounded by a huge cock being soft,as anyone who ever truly had a big dick can attest,its very difficult to maintain an erection when your prostate is numb.

Darfur, you dope (r63)

I agree that I hate when there is no kissing before or during sex - particularly when they're fucking.

I'm obviously big on kissing and fucking without a single kiss just seems bizarre and paid.

I wish there was more porn with guys in their 40's and 50's. Instead there's twinks, guys on steroids in their 20s and 30s, or elder porn.

It's like they skip 20 years and go straight from 35 to 55.

Darfive is happening now.

Though it's gotten better, there is not enough emphasis on the foot. Sometimes the feet are cut off the camera, particulary is the porn model is tall. Also, there should be more zooming in other body parts - hands, legs, nipples, the face. It's so hot watching the entire body react with pleasure - particularly when the toes curl. Of course, I have a foot fetish.

Videos that end with both (or everybody) furiously jacking off just TRYING to cum. I want to see someone making OTHER people come (each other, or at least someone else).

Having all the action and body contact just stop so everyone can just jack off to try and "finish" is ... well, it just takes me completely out of the moment.

Stupid sex positions like the one in the link. Just trying way too hard. Does anyone ever find acrobatic sex actually sexy?

Sean Cody is the worst for that, R72. I've never seen sex look so uncomfortable.

If you're going to feature a big hairy chest, have someone fall asleep against it once in a while.

I agree with most of these. I want to see a 40-55 year old big, hairy guy with a beard seducing his 20 something lover and both of them really into it, lots of kissing, cuddling, the older bigger guy topping and cumming inside the bottom and making the bottom cum hands free.

Most of mine have been hit -

The camera endlessly trained on a close-up of the dick going into the ass. Yeah ... we know how it works. Facial expressions and the guys bodies should outweigh the in/out close-ups.

Straight porn playing with a woman screeching.

I hate it when the guys are moaning and acting like they are practically ready to shoot, then pull their pants down and they're completely soft.

Limp dicks in general. If you can't get hard, you have no business making a porno movie. I understand some guys bottoming having trouble - it's just 20 time hotter when they are hard when they're getting fucked.

Guys that act like they are so turned on they can hardly stand it - then have to furiously jack their dicks for a full five minutes before they actually cum.

Interracial where the black guy [italic]always[/italic] tops the white.

There is something really anti-social about you people who live for pornography. Something is radically wrong here and something is missing from your lives.

Bottoms moaning before it's in.

Fuck off, R77, you judgmental priss.

R29, YES. The fucking spitting on the asshole. What the hell is up with that? Why? Does anyone do that in real life? And then they just have to lick up their own cold saliva...

Milky looking tongues.

Visible nose boogers or hairs.

Popper bottles seen on nearby table but no one shown sniffing them.

YES on that tongue thing, R81! And dirty feet too.

Many of my pet peeves have to do with the video quality. I cannot stand it when they stylize the footage too much - excessive soft focus filters, blasted out high contrast, super high color saturation so everything looks radioactive, drenching everything in some cinema style color toning. It's a strain on my eyes to watch. It's a fucking porno, not Saving Private Ryan for christs sake.

Barely any nipple-play or if it's there, its for ten or 15 seconds at most.

I never cared much about a bottom not being hard while being penetrated, especially if it's a guy I really want to see bottom. I also don't mind gay 4 pay guys, BUT the one thing that really gets me is these guys who will bottom but won't do basically simple things like kissing or giving oral. (I guess they think it's somehow more "gay" or "feminine" to do those things than bottom?). Then you have some who will kiss but not do oral, and vice versa. I wish the studios would make it mandatory that their actors do ALL of those things.

Y'all perverts need to be rounded up and put in an Ebola quarantine zone.

Not a major pet peeve (because it's hard to take porn too seriously), BUT:

While the scenes that appear on TimTales are generally hot, ALL the guys resemble each other. There are a handful of skinny short guys with dark brown hair and beards that apparently aren't the same person.

And models on Sean Cody and other sites who say the stupidest shit to portray arousal...they totally ruin it for me (Noel is the worst).

Will you and your mama make room for us, R86? You sound pretty diseased already.

Limp dicks and shaved pubes. UGH

Shaved pubes

Red faces (from Viagra)

Red dicks (I loathe them in porn and in real life)

Y'all don't seem to get out much. Is that true?

R91 You're posting here on a Saturday night and you're asking US?

Gross

Slapping faces

Slapping asses.

Why don't you all take a flying leap into the middle of "Lake Pollock"?

Bad aim ....shoot your loaf in the mouth like you are trying to ...focus people.

The other guy looks stupid with his mouth wide open and the guy Cummings hits his shoulder/forehead/cheek

A waste

When the top doesn't rim the bottom before fucking. A lot of those gay 4 pay douches don't rim. Lick it before you stick it morons!

R96. Finally, someone has the courage to highlight one of porn's most serious flaws. If facials are going to be such a focal point of porn--then for christssakes, do it right and shoot you jizz smack on and in his mouth!! Nose and eyes are okay, but forehead and sideburns is not a facial.

I love bread and loaves in porn, sorry

Too many doggy-style scenes where you can't see the bottom's dick.

Did you ever see dawgpoundUSA with their constant fade in and fade out technique. It makes them unteachable.

Too many trade tops who don't suck, kiss, or rim. Boring.

Any kind of musical soundtrack. All of it sounds cheesy and detracts from the fucking. I watch more amateur because it rarely has music.

Bottoms who are too silent. I have to hear moaning, grunting or whatever or it seems like they're bored. Tops who repeat the same phrase over and over bother me, too. Mix it up!

Porn that only shows cock and not the actors' faces. I want to see and hear them feel that fuck.

After the tenth time in a minute that some top says "Yeah, suck that cock!", I want the bottom to just stop, take the dick out of his mouth, and say "Hell?!? What the FUCK do you think I'm DOING here!"

God it's annoying.

Extra moaning and groaning obviously added after the filming

Overly enthusiastic to the point of being just a really bad actor. Too many "ooohs and ahhhs"....totally takes the viewer out of the experience. The shriekers are the absolute worst though. Dear god, shut the FUCK up, Mary!

When the top says "Christ, I want to fuck you!" And the bottom says "Then do!"

Silent tops. IN the olden days, tops had to be very aggressive, manly, and dirty-talking. Too many of them are totally silent in their scenes. Not cool.

When I subscribed to "Men", the online porn site, they had "the behind the scenes" videos. There were women in them, they were talking, directing, making jokes. It was such a fucking turnoff! Women do not belong in gay porn, not even as directors and certainly not in the cast. It's so irritating and unappealing.

Not enough bi scenes

Not enough dildos

It's not art. It's not film-making. It's sex. So stop with the embarrassing-for-you acting, and the excruciatingly dull "interviews" where the guy pretends to be straight.... and get to the sex. It's why we're all here and nobody gives a fuck about anything else.

Old lower middle class men who grew up with mothers vacuuming under their legs and demand everything be tidy, so they sit with their Kleenex and cumrags whinging about foreskins and untrimmed beards.

Tattoos and piercings. Ugh.

Old unattractive dudes fondling hot amateur dudes

Hearing the bottom scream, "fuck the shit out of me". Seriously, stop and think about what you're saying.

R54 has a valid point, all be it, not PC. There is not a lot of Black gay porn on the major web sites. I have to believe that there is a lack of demand.

Absolutely hate it when a video runs 30 minutes, and 25 of it is just the same missionary fucking! Boring.

Finally, show the guys put the condom on, the certainly don't magically appear in reality.

Shaved bare crotches. I want a full bush.

R106: I would so love to see that.

Hilarious as expected. I love you trashy bitches, keep bitching until the bitch is dead.

Ass acne.

Nuff said.

Finding gay flair, especially OLD gay flair (a Judy Garland Carnegie Hall/Supremes at the Copa framed poster, a persian cat, a rhinestone tiara, a feather headdress) or decor (a tiffany lamp, genuine art deco clock, persian rugs, Louis XV coffee table) somewhere in the scene's background.

Background music. Any kind.

[quote]Tops who repeat the same phrase over and over bother me, too. Mix it up!

I know~! I used to hate the "FUCK YEAH" hot daddy top, until I met him online. He's actually not only hot, but very versatile and very sweet. Lives in Palm Springs.

Oops - meant Supremes at Lincoln Center (At The Copa was an album)

I saw one once where the bottom kept saying "fuck me like you fuck your wife!"

Hate the heavy breather sleazy voice of most of the guys who do the interviews. If they have to have some chit-chat I prefer the vids where the porn stars sort of interview each other (e.g. Barrett Long and Devin Moss).

When no one is moaning

[quote][R54] has a valid point, all be it, not PC.

"all be it"

For real?

All the spitting, not just in the asshole but also on the cock when giving a blowjob. And especially when one guy will open his mouth so that the other guy can spit directly into it, just YUCK.

I'm sorry but the spitting is just nasty. It's totally unnecessary and adds absolutely NOTHING to the sex. Why this has become such a popular thing to do in porn is beyond me.

r128, spitting and light slapping have been au courant in gay porn now. There is only so much vanilla sex one can film before all the fans start screaming about routines and being stagnant. If you go too far into the kink area then the fans will complain about that. So the perfect medium is spitting and light slapping to add an "edge".

When the top commands the bottom to 'say my name' in the heat of passion and the bottom only does it once instead of continuing with 'fuck me Johnny' throughout the rest of the scene. Or the dirty talk that is forgotten after a single line. These porn stars need a few lessons from the master of the potty mouth Jeff Stryker who knew how to deliver for his audience.

R122 Regarding background music, if it is right for the scene, it can work well. A good example of music working with the sex, Billy Brandt and Jeremy Jordan's scene in 'Aim to Please'. I also loved the soundtrack in 'An American in Prague'. However kill the late night infomercial on in the background selling crap from the Home Shopping Network or the 80s music video being played on VH1.

When the entire world LIES about one allegedly appearing in GAY porn.

Effeminate guys. If you are gonna portray the popular fantasies of jocks, blue collar workers, military dudes, bros, and fratboys, make sure you cast dudes who are authentically masculine and dudely in those roles. No dudes with stereotypical mannerisms or voices should be cast in fantasy Alpha Male roles.

When they don't hold the shot long enough. There are times when there's a really hot angle that you want to cum to, and you have to keep rewinding it over and over again because it's too short and they needed to get another B-side close-up of the top's face.

Porn is functional, it's not a Michael Bay movie. There's no award for shortest shot length. Think Kubrick.

I think it's hilarious to see a stupid useless twink try to keep his balance while wearing leather gear.

If a guy has to watch straight porn while he's getting blown at least fucking turn the TV volume down. I don't need to hear women moaning.

If a model can't properly throw a football or shoot basketball hoops, and talks like a stereotypical gay guy, don't cast him as the fantasy jock. It becomes farce to cast observably effeminate guys as Alpha Males or jocks.

Sometimes, I like when they keep the shoes on. It can enhance the scene when one guy is supposed to be a construction worker (work boots), jock (sneakers), thug (high tops), etc.

One thing that makes me laugh in gay and straight porn is spanking the asshole or pussy. Why?

Porn actors playing business executives with neck tattoos.

Bumping this from the archives!

I really, really hate the spitting in the mouths thing. What the fuck is that all about. Also ball piercings.

Singular camera shot focused on the same sex act for 10 minutes, with each minute indistinguishable from the next. I usually hate that. On the other hand, this is good if the particular act really pushes your buttons, as it saves you from having to rewind constantly, but this is so rarely the case.

I usually just skip the whole thing except for my favorite two minutes I need to come. Sometimes I’m about to come and the scene shifts to like the back of someone’s head. I just finish off anyway and chalk it up to my bad timing. But nothing better than to come during the most erotic part of some good porn.

Never seeing the top's ass. Not while he's being blown, and -- the bigger sin -- never showing it while he's fucking. Not EVERY camera angle has to be 3/4 side profile with the top pulling his arm back to avoid hiding the button's dick/torso. Show me some top ass pumping away now and then!

Active Duty guys are sleepwalking, but at least there are great, extended shots of the top from behind.

When the bottom doesn't get sucked.

When the bottom doesn't get hard.

When the bottom just lays there.

Bad camera work. It's a plague. I would do so much better.

Bad lighting. For example, the stills of Noir Male always look good, but the videos have such a blue cast to them that the cum looks turquoise!