Most embarrassing sexual encounter you've ever had

Guy with one leg

r1 - I'll see you "the guy with one leg" and raise you "the guy with one foot".

R2, the guy with 1 leg only had 1 foot.

R2 do you mean he was missing a foot, or he had 12 inches?

A deaf guy who was a good fuck but he of course couldn't hear me cum. So I had to tap him on the back and mouth I'm done. He sucked my dick after that, though.

That's it? No other stories? Come on people! This is Datalounge, you have a reputation to uphold!

janitor at a bath house in ft laud. Rough trade type... not sure what i was thinking that day.

Invited a nice looking man to my house. Strange vibe. After we got started, he would not stop talking. He asked me what religion I was and then told me he was a Catholic priest. Instant loss of hard on. He was suddenly not very hot.

I asked him to leave. He told me I obviously had issues and should come confess to him sometime. I showed him the door.

I am sure he is not the first priest but the turn off was talking about religion while we were doing it.

That is kind of weird, R8. Perhaps talking about religion during sex is some sort of fetish for the guy.

Did he make you dress like an alter boy, R8?

[R9], [R1] I don;t think he intended to talk about religion. He just drifted into it. Although I cannot ever recall discussing religion with any other trick ever.

Just like with married men, I think priests should leave their baggage at home. I really don;t want to hear about how you are tired of negotiating sex with your wife. You're with me to have fun not therapy.

I was going to say, R8, owning a house at that age?

two words: climax farts.

A few years ago, I met this really hot Hispanic dude at Fiesta Cantina. Well he starts chatting me up and eventually we decide to go somewhere fuck. We couldn't go back to my place, so we went back to his in a really, what I considered, a bad neighborhood. So we get to his place and go in and there is this woman sitting on the couch watching TV and there are three kids. One was probably kindergarten age, the other was toddler and there was a baby. To this day, I don't know who she was. She could have been his baby mama or his sister or God know who. So we go into his room, which has a Jesus on a cross over the bed and smoke a bowl. And eventually he wants me to blow him.

So I start sucking his cock and the toddler comes into the bedroom. He yells something in Spanish and the woman comes in, yells something in Spanish, gets the kid, and leaves the room.

So then he wants to fuck me. I suck his cock some more, to make it wet, I get into position and he slides it in. We start fucking and then the woman comes into the room and says something in Spanish. He pulls out of me, walks out of the room, big naked dick flopping around and conducts, what I guess is some kind of drug deal with this guy who was at his door.

The guy leaves and he and this woman begin shouting again in Spanish.

He comes back in, dick still rock hard, and I'm about to say this isn't probably going to work out. He says fuck that and rams his dick back up my ass. He fucks me so hard that the Jesus Cross fall off the wall and onto the bed.

He's still fucking me and I tell him not to cum in me, which pisses him off, and he proceeds to fuck me harder, then pulls out and blasts my face.

So I'm there with a face full of cum, he gets up to go the bathroom, which wasn't in the bedroom. So I'm sitting there, wiping my face off and the toddler is in the doorway, watching this.

The woman comes to grab the toddler, sees the Jesus Cross off the wall on the bed and goes into hysterics. He comes and she starts yelling, pointing to the cross and me naked in this bed. He yells back at her and this huge fight breaks out.

I put my clothes on and wait for this fight to finish, because he's my ride back to WeHo. So I'm sitting on the couch with these two kids staring at me and the baby in the baby thing.

There's a knock on the door and another guy comes in. I assumed to buy drugs. The guy who fucked me came out. still naked, and told me that I was to ride back with this guy to WeHo. So I'm in this awful car with this guy I don't know, squishy from butt sex, and get dropped back off in front of Fiesta Cantina.

Dat's da suckjob!

Damn, R14. That was quite the adventure. I cringed at the thought of the kids and the woman seeing you face down ass up and with cum all over your face. Then you had to walk by all of them when you left. Cringeworthy!

Ha, R13! Thank gawd that hasn't happened to me yet.

The time this chick's mom caught me literally in the act of inserting my penis into her daughter. Everytime I see her Mom, I try to go the other way to this day.

In grad school, I was the "hall director," which meant that the residents could come to my apartment if they were locked out or were in trouble, etc. I had grads and undergrads in my building. Since I was a cool director, if they needed condoms, I'd hand out condoms, too, or, leave them in a basket outside the door. I had a staff of five resident assistants (RAs) who helped out, since I had 3 buildings to look after.

One night, a resident came by and knocked. He was a jock who was always going around in his boxers and I just wanted to fuck his tight ass frm the minute he had moved in. He had been locked out on his way to the showers, so, I told him to come in and I'd get my master key. He was just in his towel with his little shower kit. He started saying how nice it must have been to have my own bathroom and kitchen, and, I thought he was being coy, so I told him he could shower there.

We didn't make it to the shower. He was ready to go right there in the living room.

So, we make out awhile and I'm fucking him when there's a knocking on my door which I ignore. I figure whoever it is will find one of the RAs. Turns out it was one of the RAs--she wanted to get some condoms to hand out. She lets herself in. She starts screaming like a maniac when she sees me with Troy, screaming loud enough to get the attention of the security guy at the desk. Within 30 seconds at least 5 people had gathered to look in my apartment door.

I've got this poor guy's ankles over my shoulders and now a growing audience...needless to say, we stopped. He was 21, so, no on got in trouble, but, it was the singular most embarrassing, sexual moment I can recall.

[R14] Great story! Too bad my priest wasn't around to clean things up!

[quote]two words: climax farts.

Jeffrey HATES those.

Hot story R18, but if you were caught fucking your charges, regardless of age, you didn't have that position for long.

It was with myself before an audience. I had a wet dream AT THE AGE OF 23 while sleeping on a sofa in the same room with two female acquaintances at a friend's house. I woke up thinking that I'd had an amazingly vivid sexual dream, and then found that my underwear was completely loaded with jizz. I was only wearing underpants so I had to wait for the ladies to leave because I was simmering in sticky cum that could not be hidden. I had to wonder if I was humping the couch cushion or rubbing my cock in my sleep - and if I was vocal in my sleep. It must have been a horror for the twosome sleeping a few feet away. Or maybe funny. Probably both.

When the married man that I was seeing introduced me to his wife at a office function.

Oh man I'm dying, r18. These are too good, keep em coming

Hook up with this hot piece off grindr. Fuck his brains out. Next day, he is my server at Cheesecake Factory. I hear him at the next table talking about his wife and kids...comes to my table and greets us...flinches with the recognition then just goes on about his business.

R25, a server was talking about his wife and kids to his customers? That's so gauche.

Actually, r21, that moment encouraged me to behave myself after that...with the residents.

[quote]a server was talking about his wife and kids to his customers? That's so gauche.

It was the Cheesecake Factory, not Le Bernardin.

I'm a woman. I was dating a guy for a bit before things headed to the bedroom. First off he INSISTED on keeping the lights off. Ok maybe he's shy first time, whatever. Then he wouldn't let me touch him. No oral, no hands, nothing. So we get past the foreplay and down to it and he can't get it in. We try every fucking position known to man. At this point I get frustrated cause he couldn't get it in, wouldn't let me help and and still refused to turn on the light. Once I decided that I was done and obviously wasn't getting any that night I guess he went for one final fucking jab at it. He went rogue, his dick hit my thigh instead of his intended target and he BENT HIS DICK. I'm still in doggie style, he's yelping in pain and I've had it with him altogether. Needless to say our fledgling relationship did not survive such a horrifying sexual experience.

A few weeks later I run into a friend who had also dated this guy. I tell her the story about what happened and she starts laughing her ass off. Apparently this dude liked to keep the lights off cause he had a tiny dick and massive balls. So maybe he did have it in at some point and I didn't feel it? Either way it was possibly the worst experience any human has ever had sexually.

No one gives a shit about straight women and their hetero sex, r29. You're not invited to this party.

In the early 1990s, I went to a gay porn video arcade / adult bookstore in Spring Valley (in east San Diego county). I thought it was my luckiest day when a very hot guy invited me to join him in his cubicle. Hoping to have a long uninterrupted session with him, I put all my tokens (about $10 worth) in the video machine. Then he opened the door, pushed me out, and locked the door. I was so mad and embarrassed that I left right away.

One time, a guy suddenly spurted cum on my eyes in the dark steam room of Dave's Bathhouse in Ocean Beach ( also in San Diego) causing my contacts to dislocate and fall on the wet sticky floor. I did not have my eyeglasses in the car. I had to take a cab back to Hillcrest where I lived, told the cab driver to wait, retrieved my high prescription eyeglasses, headed back to Dave's and then drove my car home.

One time, i was getting fucked by a hung guy at Vulcan Bath's (in downtown San Diego) when an announcement was made that cops and paramedics will be called because they discovered a guy in rigor mortis in one of the private cubicles. I frantically and reluctantly got off the thick cock, headed to the lockers, dressed up and checked out. When I came back to Vulcan a few weeks later, I inquired and found out the guy died of natural causes. A few hours later, hung guy checked in and we fucked to completion.

One time, I was at the Meatrack sex club (Vermont St. in LA) with friends. I was cruised by a hot guy and was led to a dark corner. He knelt on the floor and started going down on me. I unzipped my jeans and let it drop on the floor. He jerked me for a couple of minutes and then he stood up and said we should re-connect later. I zipped my jeans and walked around a bit. Then I realized that he had taken the $20 bill I had in my jean pocket. Thank got I had checked in my wallet and IDs.

I think we have a winner - R14, step up and take a bow!

I guess my dodgiest experience was when I was having sex with my female friend and she got her period, all over the bed. It looked like a murder scene.

[quote]I think we have a winner - [R14], step up and take a bow!

Are you kidding? This motherfucker of a thread is just getting going.

One of my married FBs came over and wanted me to fuck him but said we had to be quick. After I got in his ass and just started pumping there was a knock on my door. My FB got dressed and opened the door.

It was his seven year old son, Forrest (named after Forrest Gump). The kid said he needed to "pookie" (shit). So his dad, Nathan, told him to use my bathroom. I hid under the bed until Forrest went back outside and sat in the car.

Once we were alone again I fuck the hell out of Nathan.

by: Thankfully Nathan was cleaned out, there was no Pookie

I don't mind if straight girls post here - I mind if they don't tell better stories than "he had a small dick and wouldn't turn on the light."

Here's mine:

My partner was out of town so I went to a video booth - I don't wear underwear unless I go to the gym, so I was wearing jeans, and when I went into a booth with a dude, both of us with our dicks out, he yanked the zipper down to get at my dick - and immediately caught my balls in it. I yell, he yells, and he runs. So now I'm standing there, hurting, bleeding, and no idea what to do. It takes me forever to get the zipper back down and meantime the Indian manager is pounding on the door threatening to call the police.

Next morning I realize that I'd forgotten my ID there - it was in my hand and I set it down (I do that all the time) so I had to go back there in broad daylight, where there was a construction crew, no shit, working on the lot right across the street who whistled and catcalled as I went in - only to find my ID sitting on a DVD case called ASS RAPING PUPPIES III or something.

And I was late to my job teaching high school.

I was super drunk on my way from one bar to the next. I was feeling super horny and hailed this cab. I was flirting with driver and ended up sitting in the front seat. I was so excited that my fantasy of blowing some hot NYC cab driver was going to come true. I ended up blowing him on the side of the road until he came. Talk about beer goggles. By the time we reached my destination a came to a bit and realized he was about 60 and a little AIDSy looking. I almost vomited with the taste of his cum on my lips.

He was the most fucking beautiful, chiseled piece of man meat! I remember running my hands all over his perfect torso, his skin was gorgeous, supple, smooth. His cock was throbbing. His lips were full and tender. I rarely bottom, however this man made me hungry, and he wanted to rut in my hole.

I used to drink *a lot* of carrot juice. Sometimes, the carrots, especially when combined with some pulp, would cause an unexpected 'flush'.

Yes, you get it. I was just getting ready for the ride of my life, and it all came out.

Needless to say, the mood was lost, and it was *most embarrassing*.

R37, you blew a total stranger and you have the nerve to try and trash-shame HIM? And your story is what? You sucked a dick, and this was the most embarrassing time you ever had. Maybe we DO need to keep straight girls out of here.

What would ever make you think R37 is a straight girl, R39?

And why the hissy fit? Oh….wait, you're "about 60" too. Am I right?

Y'all some hoes up in here!

A friend told me he farted right in a guy's face while he was getting rimmed.

Was in NY and a guy I was planned to hook up with told me he had a 12 inch dick. Obviously I wanted to see it. When I walked into his apartment, the entire living room was filled with Wizard of Oz Barbies. It was so weird. He did have a 12 inch dick though and I swallowed it all.

[quote]the entire living room was filled with Wizard of Oz Barbies.

Never heard of this. Were there hundreds of Barbies all dressed like Dorothy, or did he have Munchkins and the whole cast?

I hooked up with a guy and called him by the wrong name. Does that count?

R45, I've done that and had it done to me.

I've also had repeats with a guy who I forgot I'd previously had sex with once before (and went on to have sex with several times after), and sex with a guy as a repeat who forgot he had sex with me the first time too.

Maybe not embarrassing, but the wallet lift that was the point of a steamy makeout in the bathroom at the Stonewall many a year ago (the current one - shaddup) was humiliating.

The embarrassing ones - and there were plenty - were those I should have walked away from when I realized my sex partner was frikking weird, but didn't.

[quote]Anecdote 1 . . . Anecdote 2 . . . Anecdote 3 . . . Anecdote 4 . . . I unzipped my jeans and let it drop on the floor.

Talk about burying the lede, R31 !

That's not what I said, or thought, R40. Yet again you've proven yourself to be an idiot with no idea what is going on.

R45 and R46... whores.

[quote]We're very forgiving of others missteps.

Oh, no; "we" most certainly are not!

These are actually highly-prized collectibles.

But yeah, I can kinda see how staring at a wallful of these might kill the mood.

Those threads go dormant for 6 years (2014), and then, one day, someone revives them. How does that happen?