Your most surreal sexual experience

Someone banging on the airplane toilet door screaming "Out! Now! And continuing to bang and scream. I zipped up, so did he. Took a deep breath and opened the door. Angry flight attendant screams at the top of his lungs "COULD YOU PLEASE NOT FUCK IN OUR TOILETS!!"

I had a hot stud tied up, gagged, and blindfolded. We were really going at it. He started freaking out, I pulled out the gag, so he could talk, he said "what time is it", I said "4:30”' he then asked me to dial his work number (restaurant) and hold the phone up to his head so that he could tell his boss that he'd be a little late, due to being tied up with a transportation issue.

We fucked for another 45 minutes, after releasing him, we took a nice shower together and he headed to work!

Years ago, a middle-aged Japanese gentleman picked me up. We repaired to his house for a night of fun, not knowing WHAT a night it would be: total body massage; frottage; erotic poetry; me blindfolded(well, I WAS young and dumb) et al. All the while stroking my cock and edging me countless times. We were together about 7 hours when he finally brought me to THE most brain-shattering orgasm, and I thought I was losing my mind. It seemed to go on for several minutes, I didn't think I would survive it. Intense ringing in my ears; numbness in my limbs; my mouth so dry I could not swallow; and sweating like I had just worked a day in the broiling sun. That was probably as close to an OOB experience as I'll ever get. I left weakened, and starving. About a week later I happened to pass his house and there was a SOLD sign on it. The place already looked moved-out-of. I'd have liked to have seen him again, but I wonder what another go-round would've been like? Better? Worse? Meh? I've speculated every time I see those incredibly erotic Japanese porn drawings and magazines. Better to have loved, and lost .....

Most surreal was banging my married neighbor, bent over the arm of his couch. Just as I unloaded in him, his wife pulls into the driveway. Was all we could do to get zipped up, flip on the TV, and catch my breath before she came in. She scrunched her face and asked her husband what that smell was, and he casually said I just farted. She just opened the screen door, and left.

R3 The second time is never as good as the first. You would have been chasing the dragon, as the Chinese say.

R3 I guess James Shigeta was gay after all

When I was in college, I went to see a friend of mine at a neighboring university. We went out and I drank too much to drive, so I crashed on the floor of his dorm room. I woke up in the middle of the night to his roommate sucking my cock, just as I was cumming. He swallowed it all then just went back to bed. I fell back to sleep only to be awakened later to the sound of my friend and the roommate fucking. I was still too drunk to do anything about it so fell back asleep.

I was at a party thrown by a good friend in his house. He had recently separated and his kid was staying with the mother out of town, the kid lived with him half the time. His best friend , who I'd met many times over the years at such events, was also there, and he had come form another state so was sleeping there.

We had always checked each other out, but things never progressed till that night. We went to the garden to smoke some of his strong weed. I had already had a few glasses of wine and it hit me like a freight train.

After that, things got very blurry. I vaguely remember being helped upstairs. In the morning, I woke with a terrible hang over, with something hard and sharp wedged up my crack. I was very diorientated, felt like the ceiling was near enough to touch.

Once I had got my bearings, I realised I was in my friend's 8 year old son's bunk bed, the top bunk, with the best friend naked next to me, with one of the kid's Dr Who books stuck in my ass.

I don't know if this counts for surreal, but it does involve travel and exotic settings so:

In Casablanca there is a big park - can't remember the name, but my hotel was nearby. After dark, I went there looking to see if anything was going on (as someone else says, I was young and dumb, I don't think I'd dare do it now). I was there probably two minutes, and some guy motioned me over. He spoke no English and I no Arabic, so we communicated via sign and rudimentary French. He said, follow me, so I did.

We walked. And walked and walked and walked. Must have been 25 minutes, past a hospital, through an urban meadow... finally we got to his home. Fairly spacious one story deal. His wife and kids were away visiting family. We did our thing - nothing heavy but we both enjoyed ourselves, lol.

To be honest, I was kind of scared, but turns out, he was the sweetest guy - little bit older, mid-40's to my early 30's, but very gentle and friendly. He offered me some sort of sweet but I declined, and just had some mint tea. He took me back to the park, and the next day I was off to Fez.

Aaahh ... Casablanca ... the dirtiest, most disgusting city I've ever visited!!

Haha, had to be when I was in College, and came out to the young minister there. He held me as I cried, and told me God loved me, and it was okay. When I finally calmed down, he wiped my tears away, and then stared at me. He moved slowly toward me and we started kissing. Ended up getting the shit fucked out of me right on his office sofa. Probably the biggest Ive ever taken.

Blowing a Chicago cop in his cruiser. He turned the siren lights on as he was cumming, and then turned them and the siren on to take me home.

Blew my track coach in his office when I was a senior in HS. Still hard thinking about his perfect abs and big dick. Sadly, he had regrets and wouldn’t let me do it again.

R10, it is quite dirty and rundown, but his place was just fastidious. Also, some of the shops have very interesting dimensions and look about them - hard to explain, but it's as if you get the feeling that shopkeepers have organized their shops so that everything they sell is literally within arms' reach. And the old colonial-era architecture has such character.

Casablanca is just a weird North African/Mediterranean non-Anglo place. I wouldn't really want to necessarily go back, but it's not entirely a place without any merit.

after years of yearning, oh, hell, LUSTING after a particular type -- the big, friendly jock with massive pecs who knows how to use his strength -- I finally found him.

He said it'd just be fucking -- not lovemaking.

But he sure knows how to make me feel like a boyfriend.

I was in Vegas, sitting down playing a slot machine.

This guy simply walked up to me and started talking. He claimed he was a "street performer."

He was kinda cute, and he wouldn't go away. Honestly, I was very into my game, and was annoyed by him, but he wouldn't leave.

I was super drunk, and finally I said, "you wanna go upstairs to my room?" He said, "do you want me to show you some tricks?" I said, "sure."

We went upstairs, I sat on my bed, and he started DOING TRICKS for me. No fucking kidding. I was drunk and very, very confused.

After about 10 minutes of this, I grew impatient and basically called him out. I was like, "alright, why the fuck did you come up here. I want to suck your dick."

He INSISTED he was straight, but I persisted. I finally said, "look, it's the same getting head from a guy or a girl, so just let me blow you."

He finally said okay, and took out his dick. I started sucking him, drunk off my ass, and strangely thinking that he could rob me or kill me at any instant.

I'm not kidding. I just invited a strange man to my hotel room, who I started giving head to even though he claimed to be straight. It could easily have gone horribly wrong.

Even so, the guy just couldn't get hard. Getting sucked by a guy didn't interest him in the least. After a minute, I was like, "okay this isn't working."

He was a really cool guy, but we both realized that it wasn't gonna happen.

So he zipped up, and we both got up and went back to the casino.

It was really the strangest sexual encounter ever. Mind you, HE first came up to me. I was minding my own business at the slot machine and he started chatting me up.

And he also agreed to go upstairs with me. And he also took out his dick and let me suck it.

If that's not a fucking mixed message, then I don't know what is.

This has quickly devolved into vanilla fantasies.

Let's get back to the surreal realities, like waking up in a bunkbed with a Dr. Who book wedged in your ass.

Here's one I overheard through the bedroom wall. I was staying over at a friend's house and we'd been drinking and smoking weed with my friend's new boyfriend all night. They eventually went to bed and I set up to sleep on the sofa.

Before too long, I could hear them through the wall and door, going at it like they were trying to wreck the bed springs, with lots of panting and moaning. I thought it was really hot. Then I heard my friend's boyfriend gasp, "Fuck my pussy. Fuck my little pussy." I had never heard anything like that before (I was in my mid-twenties and not terribly experienced) and thought it was bizarre. The pumping sounds got more furious, though. Then came the capper: "Fuck my pussy and make me pregnant! Make me pregnant with your weapon!"

The bedsprings stopped squeaking immediately. There was some sort of hushed argument thereafter and then... nothing.

The next morning my friend looked a bit sheepish, probably knowing that his boyfriend's exclamations were quite audible. I had A LOT of questions but decided to hold them. The relationship between my friend and his boyfriend ended within a month.

The time my friend convinced me to go to this party with him. I didn't want to but he said that there would be a ton of "interesting" people there, maybe some celebs, some really great booze and other "stuff."

I relented and went with him. When we got there and walked in, it looked like your average party. I tried to settle in to a corner and my friend was like, "Nope, this isn't our party."

He proceeded to walk me through to another room where it was basically like a gay scene out of Caligula.

Turns out this was one of those infamous parties of an infamous Director.

Before I knew what was going on, two older guys had my clothes off and I was in the mix.

I became a regular.

[quote]Someone banging on the airplane toilet door screaming "Out! Now! And continuing to bang and scream. I zipped up, so did he. Took a deep breath and opened the door. Angry flight attendant screams at the top of his lungs "COULD YOU PLEASE NOT FUCK IN OUR TOILETS!!"

You left out the part where the guy screaming was the pilot and this was on Air Malaysia.

"Fuck my pussy and make me pregnant! Make me pregnant with your weapon!" HAHA Well it sounds like that worked if it was over right after. Liked the one with the Dr Who wedged in his ass too.

Holy shit, R4. What were the get togethers like after that? Did you all remain friends? Did the wife ever suspect?

R16, that wasn't "surreal." Just incredibly tedious (to read).

You're not much of a writer.

[all posts by childish idiot removed]

[quote] Once I had got my bearings, I realised I was in my friend's 8 year old son's bunk bed, the top bunk, with the best friend naked next to me, with one of the kid's Dr Who books stuck in my ass.

ROFL.

[quote] R16, that wasn't "surreal." Just incredibly tedious (to read).

Hopefully you'll go blind, and you'll never have that problem again, cuntface.

Is there anything more vicious than calling a gay guy "cuntface"?

Poor R26, always the victim.

Read what R22 wrote, and you'll see exactly why "it" is a cuntface.

I didn't write R22 Just love the word "cuntface"

R13. Were your coaches' his initials SB? Those were my coaches, and I wanted him baaad. Tall, handsome, honey-colored buzzed hair, hazel eyes. Wish I had suck hom off at school.

That's a way to take a rape r7, casual and appreciative.

I was fucking a guy in Harrisburg PA while he talked with his mother on the phone and his dog watched me fuck him. He forgot to douche and my dick was coated in this shit. I had to go to the local RiteAid to buy his an enema to clean his skank hole out. Then he blamed me when I was pissed spending nearly $14 for enemas, lube and condoms on him because "I took advantage of him". Moral of the story: avoid Harrisburg like the plague.

my boyfriend and I during Halloween dressed up as the Mario brothers and scored this tenderoni who was dressed like some douche from the jersey shore or whatever. we double fucked him in a tiny walk in closet in a bedroom of where that party was taking place while screaming things like This is what you get for destroying Italian Culture etc etc. I wish we had recorded that. Best Halloween EVER.

R31 Salvador Dalí called - said to tell you your story is the opposite of surrealism.

Gross

Have to say, most of these aren’t surreal, maybe ppl need to look up the definition. Now the waking up in an 8 yo’s top bunk with a Dr Who book in your crack, that is surreal.

Wow R34 you had your neighbor at R4, your minister at R11 and your track coach at R13. You certainly have a very active sex life, I mean, imagination.

LOL

R34 = epic troll. Have you left the basement in the 2010s?

Yes, R37, he obviously has... in order to have the mailman which will be at reply 42 and the plumber at reply 46 and the pizza boy at...

R1 how much did that rent boy cost?

One of my married FBs came over and wanted me to fuck him but said we had to be quick. After I got in his ass and just started pumping there was a knock on my door. My FB got dressed and opened the door.

It was his seven year old son, Forrest (named after Forrest Gump). The kid said he needed to "pookie" (shit). So his dad, Nathan, told him to use my bathroom. I hid under the bed until Forrest went back outside and sat in the car.

Once we were alone again I fuck the hell out of Nathan.

This thread is bullshit.

I might have told this one before,but its worth repeating. I was in a straight bar and got picked up by this straight married couple ( I had no intention of touching her,but he was unbelievably hot ) and went back to their place and partied a little then got naked. it was pretty apparent in the first 10 minutes that he and I had clicked and she wasn't getting very much attention. Right about the time he slides his fat 8 incher inside,she jumps up and starts screaming at him. He's still thrusting into me as he starts screaming back at her.I was totally freaked out,extracted myself and grabbed my clothes and ran for the door. As I was going down the sidewalk,she was screaming at the top of her lungs and you could hear her curses half a block away !

When I came home from high school at age 17 to find that my frigid mother had wordlessly placed a book about sexuality on my bed written by a Jesuit.

A.) too late

B.) sexual advice from a priest? Yeah

C.) it was all about how one must not have sex before marriage. A sexually repressed priest preaching sexual repression. What a surprise.

E.) said sexually repressed priest then praised the reward of saving oneself for marriage. Ecstasy. Complete satisfaction of one's sexual needs. Like he would know.

F.) can't really make a comment about pedophilia because I had no idea it was occurring in the church at the time. Hoe would I know, unless molested myself (I stayed well away from priests)? The church was covering up its sexual scandals.

Oh, I believe the name of the Jesuit book was, "On Chastity."

On Chastity never happened. She turned into Chaz.

After a Sunday-funday, I lost my friends, got thrown out of the same porn store twice (I drunkenly walked around the block and thought it was a new store).

Then, as I was in line at a terrible Mexican place to get some food, I met a "scruffy" guy who was into me.

We go down a street into a park-like area between a cul-de-sac and a highway. As we start playing around, he says, "Sorry, this is the first time I've had a drink in over a year."

I say, "Oh, sorry. Were you in AA?"

"No, I just got out of prison."

I was cruising Circus of Books in West Hollywood and picked up a hot, but wirey little guy. We went to his car, a compact - a Honda Civic, I believe. This was 1990.

We drove around that neighborhood a little (which had signs EVERYWHERE about not cruising) then finally pulled over and started messing around big time. Sucking & fucking. He was fucking me then pulled out and was stroking as if he were about to cum all over my torso - but the suddenly flopped back into the driver's seat and starting cumming streams - all over the dashboard. I must have had a puzzled look on my face, because he turned to me and said, "That's OK. It's my sister's car."

Some of these experiences should be collected into a slim volume entitled "Is That a Dr. Who Book Up Your Ass: Sex the DataLounge Way". Everyone whose story appears in the book gets points and a year's free subscription to DL.

I hope it wasn't one of those pop-up books!

[quote]I hid under the bed until Forrest went back outside and sat in the car.

I'm sorry R40, that's not surreal, it's just sad.

A hobbit popped my cherry at a basketball game.

Coming out of an ABS booth, the guy who just gave a fantastic bj came out of his booth at the same time. OMG, it was Father Duffy!!!

More details please, r13

Which book, r43?

I am much more inclined to believe the specifc (and usually embarrassing) stories. The ones that read like fan fic are...eyerolling.

Chatted up with this hot beefy guy at a sports bar and he invited me over saying that his girlfriend wanted to watch him suck cock. No play with her or anything, she just wanted to watch. I was fine with it and kinda turned on about it frankly. We went to their place and she wasn't there, or at least that's what I thought. As I'm laying back on their bed and he's slurpin' on my dick, I see a shadow off the corner of my eye and there was his gothy-looking girlfriend watching from behind the curtains in their bedroom! Almost gay-gasped when I realized she was there!

Yuck, R56.

It was sex with twins. This guy picked me up in the park. We were at his house, upstairs in the bedroom fucking when there was the noise of a closing door downstairs. I was alarmed and pulled out. He said not to worry, that was just his brother. He hollered to his brother that we were upstairs. His brother came in and joined us. I was told that I could have the ass of one and the dick of another so I blew one brother while I fucked the other. We fucked in multiple positions, each one of us had a chance to top and bottom. The twins were into each other sexually. I was freaked out at first while I saw them get into 69ing each other but the strangeness abated. By the time one brother was fucking the other one, it all seemed quite normal, nothing more than a three-way.

Identical or fraternal, Miss R78?

^^^Oops, R58.

The one and only time I fucked a tweaker. He was on his phone lining up more tricks the entire time I was fucking him. He even took a call to give the next guy the room number.

I painted my toenails while getting fisted.

In my 20s I hooked up with a beautiful Hispanic guy of about 18 or 19 and thought it was odd we were going back to his bedroom at home, but he explained, "It's okay, I'm allowed - my father's gay". Well it was surreal to hear his father (adoptive father it turned out) tapping and gently scratching on the locked door, whispering "Can we share?". My friend scolded him through the door till he went away. The real shocker though was the thigh slapper my friend unleashed.