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Why Are So Many Gay Men Still Single (Part 2)

Continuing the discussion.

by Anonymousreply 221February 20, 2021 3:50 PM

I've been thinking about this for a while, because I'm one of those single gay men finding it increasingly difficult to even find people to date. For me, it's a perfect storm of reasons:

1) Masculinity. It came up again and again in the previous thread, but unlike others I think the gay community misunderstands and fetishises what it is, and it causes a problem. I'm looking for a real man- not one who is obsessed with sports and being a bro; but instead men who are confident and comfortable. A little gayvoice is fine if you're that man. But so many 'gaybros' are just some sort of stereotype of it- look like Tarzan, act like Jane sort of thing. It's a turn-off.

2) Young and fat. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over gay men that allow themselves to get fat, or even celebrate it before the age of 40. The body slows down in your 30s, and a few extra pounds are acceptable- but I have lost count of the amount of times I'll see a profile of some 25 year old and think 'if you just lost a bit of weight you'd be hot'. It's not attractive, and under 30 it just makes me think, well what does that say about your discipline? What is this person going to be like in 5 years if they're already fat now. And yet there are so many of them. And lots of them being utterly dishonest about it. If you're fat, at least own it. Otherwise dump it.

3) Faddy/clone body modification. Tattoos I can cope with, if they're good- but they're so often the same. And then there's the piercings and the ear extenders and all the rest of it. No one over 30 should have facial piercings. It just screams immaturity, and lack of self. And guess what, it's everywhere right now.

4) Settling. It seems to be that a very large percentage of relationships are horribly dysfunctional and people in them are just avoiding being alone with the first person that made eyes at them, however horrible they may be.

5) Peter-Pan complex. This goes back to all the previous ones as well. Immaturity and self-delusion seem to be ripe in gay men. People who lie about their age, or dress like or call themselves a lad when they're over 10 years past that description. It's a phoniness I see time and time again.

6) Shallowness. Yes I know I've listed a load of physical appearance stuff above, but I'm just being honest. Physical attraction by its very nature is shallow, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's intellectual shallowness I can't stand- people who are ignorant and proud of it.

In the end, I'm not actually as fussy as all that states, I just want an attractive to me, nice bloke down the pub as my boyfriend- I'll do the culture bit, but I need someone who can see beyond pop culture as well, and is willing to improve themselves. They can work on my neurosis and I'll work on their minds. And that's why I'm still single. Gay men like that are either obese, horribly afraid of commitment chickenhawks or just plain ugly.

Or old enough to be my Dad. Unfortunately, I don't have daddy issues. It would make life so much easier.

I'm opening myself up for abuse with this post, but fair enough- I know I'm 'picky', but look at the list and tell me you don't agree with at least some of it.

by Anonymousreply 1July 27, 2014 8:23 PM

The idiots are out in full force....allow themselves to get fat? that's the exact reason gay men are so obsessed with exactly the wrong thing. Its sad and pathetic. Instagram is like something out of a bad porn site. Men of all ages think that taking the most provocative pics daily will get them happiness? you see very young guys with these pics and captions " getting there" as if the bigger they get, or maybe forget a 6 or 8 pack go for 10 ! then you will find happiness. It's insane. Older gay men even worse. Faces like grandfathers with literally no body fat all roided out tattoos from head to toe. I go to the gym, I eat well but at 38 do I want to look like some gym obsessed freak and will that bring gay men real lasting relationships? I think one day many years from now gay men will wake up and decide that they are looking for all the wrong qualities in men.

by Anonymousreply 2July 27, 2014 9:11 PM

Everything R1 posted is why most men are single. Men are selfish beings who expect you to lose weight to become acceptable, while overlooking their pedophilia, necrophilia, social anxiety, narcissism. And then on top of all that, you're supposed to deal with their mood swings and wishy-washiness because they addicted to whatever mood-enhancer they have a prescription for to deal with life. Just my two cents.

by Anonymousreply 3July 27, 2014 10:06 PM

I would agree with much of what you say except pedophilia. True I think gay men are youth obsessed but that does not mean children so you go to a very dangerous place. If gay men wore blindfolds ( not in kinky way) and they based everything about men they meet on the chemistry of their minds and not their pecs you would see 99% of gay men in healthy relationships.

by Anonymousreply 4July 27, 2014 10:13 PM

Gay men are shallow and immature. It's gotten to the point that if you're a bisexual man, you may as well exclusively date females. You'll get the same bullshit, but a prettier package. That is all I have to say.

by Anonymousreply 5July 27, 2014 10:18 PM

R5 You start off correctly and then go directly back to the " prettier package " that's is the single biggest problem. The men I know who are in wonderful committed and healthy relationships have the most intense devotion and love for their partners but their body image is in 100% check. Not an ounce of this insane body obsession. Anyone that thinks a porn star will be their answer to happiness is frankly going to have a very sad life.

by Anonymousreply 6July 27, 2014 10:29 PM

R1, have you ever been in a relationship?

by Anonymousreply 7July 27, 2014 10:33 PM

A really brilliant researcher could have a field day, all the info they need to write a compelling and important piece just reading the insanity on DL. I read and part of me laughs or I shake my head in disbelief that gay men can be so stupid. I only hope that the next generation won;t have the severe hatred aimed at them that gay men have had in the past will bring a level of sense that is clearly missing.

by Anonymousreply 8July 27, 2014 10:47 PM

@ R6

R5 checking in here, and I can confirm, gays are immature and act like women. Why purchase the knock off when you can get the real thing? These queens are so confused. If I didn't know better, I'd think these young gays were women with a low hair cut. lel.

by Anonymousreply 9July 27, 2014 11:12 PM

Gay men are also single because they don't want/nor are the able to maintain a monogamous relationship. ALL, if not most gay men cheat. Don't believe me, go to a gay club or bar. Still don't believe me, go on craigslist. Still don't believe me, ask your friends if they've ever stayed faithful to a partner, and if they're not a liar they'll tell you that in the past they've enjoyed extra-curricular sex outside of the relationship, and I'm speaking from experience here.

by Anonymousreply 10July 27, 2014 11:15 PM

Monogamy has no place being in the same sentence as the gay "community".

Monogamy is dead is the LGBT community, and any one who says other wise is either deaf, dumb, and blind, or is in denial.

by Anonymousreply 11July 27, 2014 11:17 PM

No need to go and look ...you are right, I believe you. Why? gay so called icons or well known idiots like Dan Savage tell the world we have fought for our rights and why should we feel the need to follow " straight " rules.... REALLY ? I would say the opposite Generations fought and many died fighting for the EXACTY the sane rights that straights have. When they told us that domestic partnership should be fine we said NO we want exactly the same rights as straight couples to marry .... now we have it and what do we do? troll sites totally in the open, proud that we are looking for a 3rd or looking to "play while my BF is away. This from many men in very new and recent relationships ! they are hypocrites and actually set us back instead of taking us forward. Its a disgrace and I am not a prude. You don't want to be with one man.... fine your call but to call yourself married and advertise your ease with cheating is beyond disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 12July 27, 2014 11:50 PM

R1, how old are you? ... and what was your longest, long-term relationship?

If you're finding it "incredibly difficult to even find people to date," do you reside in a large metropolitan area? If so, do you realize that the number of gay men in said area are finite?

Finally, Is there any possibility that anything you've listed you're self-projecting?

I give you props for at least being totally honest with your post, though.

by Anonymousreply 13July 27, 2014 11:58 PM

I'm single because I live in a town of 100,000 and I don't know where to meet any gay people. It's sad. If I could move to a bigger city, I would. But I can't afford that right now.

by Anonymousreply 14July 28, 2014 12:06 AM

R14 That at least is a mature response. What I can tell you is that even in a town of 100,000 there are many gay men most likely as perplexed as yourself. I'm sure there must be ways to find ways to socialize even in small cities. Good luck !

by Anonymousreply 15July 28, 2014 12:27 AM

R15 I honestly don't know where to begin. I'm 32 and feel like the clock is ticking.

by Anonymousreply 16July 28, 2014 12:36 AM

People in relationships who are happy have the capacity to appreciate, value and enjoy the relationship. If you are a parent and you love being a parent it isn't because your children are better people, it's because you have the capacity to love them despite the stress and annoyance they cause. Or a difficult pet, you have the capacity to love and enjoy it despite the chewed up shoes or puddles of pee.

The people on DL in happy ltr's didn't find that magical person who is never boring, ill, overweight or ageless. The happy ltr folks just have the capacity to appreciate what they get from that relationship.

If we don't have the capacity why beat ourselves up? Our lives can still have meaning.

by Anonymousreply 17July 28, 2014 1:01 AM

Why do people still use DL as a yardstick for gay male traits?

I'm the only gay male I know who posts here.

At least a third of the posts are from straight women.

by Anonymousreply 18July 28, 2014 1:12 AM

I am single because I have absolutely no interest in sex-either giving or receiving. I want companionship and security. Therefore I have absolutely no chance so I don't even try. I've ran an online ad, but I've never just come out and said that I am uninterested in sex because then I'd get no answers at all.

by Anonymousreply 19July 28, 2014 1:43 AM

Gay men, straight men...the fact is that we are men. You'll find that women have the same problems with men that gay men have. They're always scoping out the pretty young thing, even if they don't act on it. Immature, unable to commit, Peter Pan complexes, the list goes on.

However, straight men have more rigid rules when it comes to relationships and they regularly fuck those up. They've been at it for millenia. "Gay liberation" is only about 40 years old. Society has move faster than our ability to adapt to the new normal, because there really isn't one. We are defining it in different ways and this will continue for decades, if not centuries.

That said, we're still guys.

by Anonymousreply 20July 28, 2014 2:09 AM

The majority of gay men I know are coupled.

by Anonymousreply 21July 28, 2014 2:29 AM

Because their sole alternative to being single is to form a relationship with other gay men.

by Anonymousreply 22July 28, 2014 2:33 AM

Unlike a lot of DL threads, this thread really is speaking truth to power, including some explanations I had not considered much before. For instance, it is so true that for men, gay identity is about the most stigmatized identity a male can have, largely because it is thought of as an unmanly identity. From kindergarten onward, males are taught to avoid anything gay. Same-sex attracted men internalize this and most want to avoid a gay identity at any cost unless there is no way to deny it. Therefore, so many gay and bisexual men are celibate, date/marry women, or only have clandestine fleeting encounters with men. They avoid relationships with men because it would mean formalizing and embracing a gay identity. Of course, this severely reduces the dating pool of openly gay men who embrace or accept their gay identity.

by Anonymousreply 23July 28, 2014 2:38 AM

Uh, R23? It's called internalized homophobia, moron.

You had "not considered it much before," huh? Perhaps you should have. Thanks for explaining it though, Captain Obvious.

by Anonymousreply 24July 28, 2014 2:57 AM

Why so rude, r24? You know nothing about r23's life and experiences. Oh, I guess everyone is supposed to be as "enlightened" as you.

by Anonymousreply 25July 28, 2014 3:05 AM

r24: another reason so many gay men are still single; they are rude ass bitches.

by Anonymousreply 26July 28, 2014 3:17 AM

R20 gets it--this is about men, not gay men.

by Anonymousreply 27July 28, 2014 3:22 AM

Slim pickings. Too many fems, closet cases, married "straight" men, bi-scum, cheaters, etc.

by Anonymousreply 28July 28, 2014 3:27 AM

lol @ bi-scum

by Anonymousreply 29July 28, 2014 3:29 AM

A lot of gay men don't want to be the bitch in the relationship.

by Anonymousreply 30July 28, 2014 3:41 AM

"Man remains monogamous/faithful only until his next option comes along."

It remains perplexing why the LBGT community continues to buy into and replicate archaic, outmoded and largely unworkable het social constructs and institutions. Years of struggle for freedom and equality and the best gay men can do is replicate June and Ward Cleaver?

by Anonymousreply 31July 28, 2014 3:45 AM

Those institutions are all there is.

by Anonymousreply 32July 28, 2014 4:01 AM

If everyone thought like R32, we'd all still be sitting in the dark in caves.

by Anonymousreply 33July 28, 2014 4:15 AM

I'm coupled and I only know coupled gay men, so I don't get the "so many gay men" part. But, judging by these posts, it's no surprise most of you are single. Maybe this thread should have titled, "Why Are So Many Gay Men in This Thread Still Single (Part 2)"

by Anonymousreply 34July 28, 2014 1:21 PM

Biggest reason: the closet and denial claim the large majority of men who are attracted to men. Many of these men will never be with another man, let alone have a relationship.

Lack of openly gay/bi masculine men: Most people attracted to men are attracted to men who fit gender norms and are masculine. Most openly gay men are observably feminine or not masculine.

by Anonymousreply 35July 29, 2014 1:41 AM

We currently have a thread about not wanting to date a guy because he didn't have a passport. So many gay men are single because they spend their days coming up with reasons not to date someone, rather than accepting people for who they are.

by Anonymousreply 36August 4, 2014 6:22 AM

R2 and R3 are you both single?

How anyone can get upset over men "allowing themselves to get fat" and go from that to assuming staying fit means being 'roided up, tattooed and a pedophile is beyond me.

I've been partnered for 21 years and both of us work to stay fit. We help each other, and if I let myself go and actually got fat as R1 says, it would be a sign of not caring on many levels.

by Anonymousreply 37August 4, 2014 7:24 AM

The serious lack of masculine athletic openly gay dudes is the top reason. Openly gay dudes tend to be very observably feminine or unmanly, which is not attractive to most.

by Anonymousreply 38November 26, 2014 11:21 PM

So many gay men think it's alright to call each other "dudes." Who would want to be with a "dude"?

by Anonymousreply 39November 26, 2014 11:23 PM

Because we aren't raised to think about coupling up as the end game and because for a long time it wasn't an option anyway. Now the gay subculture is breaking up, most gays will just like straights, only gay. Old dogs find that threatening but in the end, the benefits of a good, stable relationship are well documented.

by Anonymousreply 40November 26, 2014 11:36 PM

Lots of closet cases in their 30s, 40s and 50s-- they came of age when Gay=AIDS=Death and if they could pass for straight they did. It beat dying.

Younger gays not as hung up on gay-is-my-identity and they will probably couple up more.

Too many "professional fags" who see their sexual orientation as the core of their identity.

I think it's easier to come out if you have a partner already.

by Anonymousreply 41November 26, 2014 11:44 PM

I'm with those who say gay men are men.

Jesus christ there are so many straight men who should have never gotten married or had children. They did it because society said they had to and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I've never understood why there has to be just one person in your life. Different people supply different needs.

But then I admit I'm superficial. I want somebody whose socks I wouldn't mind washing. I want a man who's Clifton Webb and Marlon Brando combined.

by Anonymousreply 42November 26, 2014 11:47 PM

There are so few well adjusted guys. Seems like everybody's either a scene queen, a gay cliche, an activist or a fetishist. I'm not talking bros... just regular guys who are gay.

by Anonymousreply 43November 26, 2014 11:47 PM

What's funny is how many guys I have met who describe themselves online as "masculine" or "straight acting" and then you meet them and they make Richard Simmons look butch.

So many guys want the high school quarterback but forget that they are the head of the drama society.

by Anonymousreply 44November 27, 2014 12:52 AM

R14: Cheer up. It actually IS easier to find a partner in a city of 100,000 than a city of millions. Trust me, I've been there. It's, of course, easier to find sex in the larger cities and to meet more gay men, but with so many guys in the larger cities, no one wants to make some sort of "mistake" settling down when there might be another someone else around the corner. Before too long, you wind up in a series of short term relationships and then alone. I am drawing in part on my experiences and in part on my close friends.

by Anonymousreply 45November 27, 2014 1:18 AM

I only date masculine dude bros and dude brahs. Really masculine dudes who live sports, beer, lifting weights, rock, hip hip, and football. Therefore, I only date bi and down low dudes. My current dude is a hot bi college football player with three baby mamas.

by Anonymousreply 46November 27, 2014 2:18 AM

[quote]hip hip

Oh DEAR ME!

by Anonymousreply 47November 27, 2014 2:50 AM

It is difficult to find masculine openly gay guys. There are lots of masculine bi, bi curious, and heteroflexible dudes, but they rarely want a relationship. Gay culture and identity emasculates gay guys.

by Anonymousreply 48November 27, 2014 3:50 PM

R45 I have to disagree. I know there must be other gay men in my town, but I have no idea where they are. I'm not ugly, I'm a nice person, have a decent job, but I'm still alone because I have no idea where other gays are. To be fair, I don't go out much, but still, where would I go?

Could you tell me more about single gays in big cities that would make me feel better?

by Anonymousreply 49November 27, 2014 4:46 PM

Gay men have a small pool to select a partner from, firstly.

Within that small pool of men that find other men attractive, many are not going to be out, or willing to live with you as an openly gay couple.

Then, many gay men are focused on looks, and status ( wealth, usually), probably as a result of over-compensating for unresolved feelings of shame / internalised homophobia. So they pathologically knock back potential partners, telling themselves that they 'deserve' someone better looker or richer.

Then, some gay men who cannot compete in bar / hook up culture turn inwards and so do not develop the social and dating skills to keep 'in the game'.

by Anonymousreply 50November 27, 2014 4:57 PM

[quote]Within that small pool of men that find other men attractive, many are not going to be out, or willing to live with you as an openly gay couple.

This has been the tragedy of my romantic life, falling in love with men who don't "want to be gay."

by Anonymousreply 51November 27, 2014 5:03 PM

If I might give a bit of advice, a boyfriend can best be found, and maintained, if you (both) have hobbies. Real hobbies, like Civil War Battlefields, or Gardening.

by Anonymousreply 52November 27, 2014 5:11 PM

things change

by Anonymousreply 53November 27, 2014 5:12 PM

R48 -- I'd substitute "non-stereotypical" gay guys for "masculine" myself.

As for looks, I often find average looking guys -- the kind many would say "I'd 'do' him, I suppose, but wouldn't go out of my way for it" -- very hot.

by Anonymousreply 54November 27, 2014 5:16 PM

Their foolish loss, I'm sure, R51.

by Anonymousreply 55November 27, 2014 5:22 PM

Thank you, R55. There is so much insanity here today, it is nice, and unexpected, to encounter kindness.

by Anonymousreply 56November 27, 2014 5:24 PM

Where are the black gay posters who decry snow queens at every turn when a black gay man dates a white guy? Sometimes it's true-though who cares?-but so many of you have very honestly pointed out how small the pool is, gays conforming to a cliched OTT camp stereotype or sleeping around and saying being monogamous is offensive as well as the evil heteronormative-is this a real word guys?!

So imagine trying to find a decent date within the black dating pool? With all their baggage. What a nightmare.

Gays need to get a grip but they are too scared of change.

Two excellent examples is Rose McGowan belittling the gay community but none of them counter arguing with her succinctly.

Another is this obsession with anybody being less than femme is putting it on and if you don't sleep around you're slut shaming.

It's tedious but destructive and holding back so many gay men from finding happiness.

by Anonymousreply 57November 27, 2014 5:28 PM

They just haven't found the right girl yet.

by Anonymousreply 58November 27, 2014 5:54 PM

Reason? You ain't seen nuffin 'til you're down on the muffin.

by Anonymousreply 59November 27, 2014 6:01 PM

R1 - You're loneliness is totally self-inflicted. You really don't want to date a man, you want gay Stepford husband. He must be tailored to your exacting standards. Based on what you don't want, does this man actually exist? Even if he did, you'd likely still find a fault or some minor imperfection. Your noble concession of allowing for "a little gayvoice" is almost laughable. One either has a "gayvoice" or not. Besides, you'd probably reject him because he has a "gayvoice" anyway.

Your five points of masculinity, young and fat, faddly/clone modification, settling and Peter Pan complex are really a reflection of the men of whom you've dated. They're likely, to sundry degree, a personification of yourself. You want these kinds of men, but are frustrated that they can't or won't be the specific man you want. Your sixth point explains YOUR utter, thoroughly exhausting shallowness. YOU are just as shallow, if not more so, of the men you criticize.

Curiously, you don't list your age, but since you've detailed the "young and fat", I suspect you are older than 40. The only men available to you are "young and fat", because surely you tried to go for the young and beautiful but they won't have anything to do with you. You're older and your crotchety, persnickety personality prevents anyone to even go near you.

You fear "settling" for a man for a relationship. All couples have settled, for better or for worse. Anyone who waits for the perfect man will never get one. By not settling for a normal and decent man, you will spend many lonely lonesome years ahead.

You write that you are "not as fussy as all that states" That is such a load of sanitized rubbish. YOU are as fussy as all that states.

You want someone that can improve themselves. How about improving yourself and working on YOUR own neurosis? You obviously attract men who disdain committment. Many normal and decent and even attractive men approached you, but you won't let them into your life because you are bitter, stubborn and fear committment yourself.

by Anonymousreply 60November 27, 2014 6:33 PM

This is my favorite line from R1 post.

[quote] They can work on my neurosis and I'll work on their minds.

Doesn't that just sound like a dream date?

How much fund to date someone who expects me to work on their neurosis and assumes my mind needs work. What are talking here R1 - a reading list? homework assignments? maybe tutors?

Sounds like this guy has seen MY FAIR LADY a few too many times.

by Anonymousreply 61November 27, 2014 8:15 PM

What does "ayb" stand for, "average yellow boy"?

by Anonymousreply 62November 27, 2014 10:04 PM

listen dudes

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 63March 2, 2015 4:14 PM

"This has been the tragedy of my romantic life, falling in love with men who don't "want to be gay."

Profound

by Anonymousreply 64March 2, 2015 4:15 PM

I think most gay men won't settle for someone. They don't have the necessity that heterosexuals do.

Kind of like the 'well I'm not IN love with him but he is available' that many women feel. And men who are thirty who think 'It's about time I show some maturity and start a family.'

And of course all those social perks that heterosexual get. You do not go to an event without a man or a woman on your arm. It just isn't done.

by Anonymousreply 65March 4, 2015 9:35 PM

"I only date masculine dude bros and dude brahs. Really masculine dudes who live sports, beer, lifting weights, rock, hip hip, and football. Therefore, I only date bi and down low dudes. My current dude is a hot bi college football player with three baby mamas."

and then you guys all post here together on datalounge?

by Anonymousreply 66March 5, 2015 3:05 AM

I doubt your typical DLer knows the first thing about football, excluding Della.

by Anonymousreply 67March 5, 2015 3:14 AM

This thread is pretty fascinating. The die hards who for whatever reason fight so hard against the idea of sustained monogamous relationships, but yet a majority seem to say gay men are completely capable of forming them and being happy. (And even a few people saying get over the body bullshit.)

It's always struck me, with our creativity and the strength we are capable of, given what we have to survive (or at least put up with) that if anybody could perfect happy monogamy, it would be gay men!

As said upthread, the benefits of monogamous relationships are well established. It just takes smart, self aware people to make them work well.

by Anonymousreply 68March 5, 2015 3:32 AM

Della?

by Anonymousreply 69March 5, 2015 4:03 AM

To R14

Every town has a place for Gay men to meet.

There is probably some "hotline" to call, even if statewide.

Try the nearest big city.

Or go on Grndr and see what area lights up.

by Anonymousreply 70March 5, 2015 4:08 AM

Grinder is a good place to find promiscuous people infected with STDs

by Anonymousreply 71March 5, 2015 4:21 AM

This thread is depressing. And makes my head hurt. You all make it sound so complicated. WHY BOTHER? I am in my early 50's and according to most of the ageist posts here on DL and all the obstacles and roadblocks and challenges and tiny dating pool anyway, I might as well just completely give up then?

by Anonymousreply 72March 5, 2015 4:27 AM

r15 what your saying is there needs to be a gay app called perplexed. in which youmust beconfused on how to meet other gays. dumbass left swipe

by Anonymousreply 73March 5, 2015 5:40 AM

r67 is that the one with the round ball, the birdie or the oval ball in that dreadful color?

by Anonymousreply 74March 5, 2015 5:42 AM

Here's the real truth. AYB would take anyone who would have him, but he's too insecure to put himself out there to be had. All these "standards" are just rationalizations for basic insecurity.

by Anonymousreply 75March 5, 2015 6:00 AM

That kevin guy at R63 seems like a real cutey. Way too young though.

by Anonymousreply 76March 5, 2015 6:19 AM

Relationships are no panacea. I wish people got that... I mean, they're ok.. but it's nothing that special if you have good friends & a few fuck buddies. Or, maybe I don't have the capacity to love. who knows. I think people make a WAAAAY bigger deal out of it than they are.

I have a BF now. He could dump me tomorrow and I'd be at the bath house this weekend getting 4 dicks just as good...without having to listen to his neurotic disease-phobia, anger that i watched house of cards w/o him, cheapness that requires us to eat at taco stands instead of restaurants, and daily texts / calls every night like it's a second job. yeah, super fun - everyone should aspire to this.

I stick around cuz i'm too busy w/ work and other things to find someone else - and I'm actually not sure how to dump him because im discovering he has more "issues" than I realized at first, so ... this is yet another fun thing I have to deal with.

I really do miss anon cock. Maybe I'm just an incurable slut. I do not miss the shade from anon guys though - I'll say that's the one good thing. I don't have to get constantly rejected 10 times for every 1 dick I get. I just get the dick, by default.

by Anonymousreply 77March 5, 2015 7:04 AM

You sound like a pig R77.

by Anonymousreply 78March 5, 2015 7:23 AM

R77, your lack of values and gross behavior is probably the reason for your relationship issues. Your actions reflect your values. You value that which is impulsive, shallow, and debauched. No wonder you have such a low value of real monogamous relationships.

by Anonymousreply 79March 5, 2015 10:43 AM

I'll base this on the two gay men I know well. They're selfish, emotionally immature, and unwilling to compromise. They place too much importance on things like status or "romanticism" and "passion", not whether a partner is going to be a stable contribution for a life together, for example.

One of the two had a major setback in his personal life and quickly settled down within a year, with a kind, wealthy, nurturing man who was willing to be there for him. I'm sure he finds him hot, too, but something tells me he had to make a choice, quick.

by Anonymousreply 80March 5, 2015 11:01 AM

R19, lesbian here. I used to be a notorious serial monogamist until I went completely off sex at age 32. I was partnered for 3 years then, and was not willing to break it off - neither was she. So we stayed together. We hardly ever have sex (maybe 2-3 times a year) and I am really not interested in it. She is slightly more interested than I am, but is losing interest.

We are very affectionate towards each other, and very supportive. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. I could have sex with somebody else, but it would have to be an affair, and short-lived at that. I've had several opportunities over the past years, mostly with married women, but didn't take any of them further.

What is amazing is the time it saves... I'm much more free to pursue other interests, and am better at making decisions, too.

Sex was a great time, I loved it while it lasted, but it's something of the past, like youth, I guess.

by Anonymousreply 81March 5, 2015 11:07 AM

Most guys are attracted to the square jawed strong muscular athletic manly man. So many openly gay dudes are infected by the femininity of gay culture that they have made themselves unattractive and repulsive to most bisexual and gay men. Few are attracted to men who watch Bravo, call guys "girl/she/her," wear speedos, prance, and are into female celebrities and divas. Most are naturally attracted to masculinity. The problem is that most masculine bi, bicurious, and gay men are closeted and not interested in relationships with men. In fact, many are married to women.

by Anonymousreply 82March 5, 2015 9:49 PM

[quote]I only date masculine dude bros and dude brahs.

Difference, please?

by Anonymousreply 83March 5, 2015 10:05 PM

R81 ... the famous Lesbian Bed Death, eh?

by Anonymousreply 84March 5, 2015 11:14 PM

R82, you're post was patronizing and homophobic. And, it sounds you're single and staying that way. Your attitude is atrocious.

by Anonymousreply 85March 5, 2015 11:23 PM

r85, but he is accurate. Masculinity, or the lack thereof, is probably the biggest factor.

by Anonymousreply 86March 6, 2015 12:23 AM

Utter ridiculous bullshit. Where the fuck do you people live that "most" gay men are effeminate?

This is the most stupid, untrue (sorry, at least to my experience) assertion possible. I don't understand why it infects this board so often. Most men are just men, gay or fucking otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 87March 6, 2015 12:30 AM

R78, R79 so judgy...You missed my main point. Relationships are overrated.

Not everyone is compatible, but I decided to give it a try with this guy, and instead of just bailing - I kept trying and trying to see if it would "click" - it hasn't. I've been totally monogamous for months, even though I am not that into him. I don't want to dump him bc he has had some "relationship trauma" in the past. Most queens would just go running from someone w/ any issues.

I'm just saying I like anon dick...and honestly - somehow I DOUBT I'm the only gay man alive who does...if you think so, you're hilarious & ignorant.

by Anonymousreply 88March 6, 2015 12:33 AM

Where do you live r87? Where are these masc gay men?

by Anonymousreply 89March 6, 2015 12:34 AM

r89 I live in Chicago.

I'm a 45 year old gay man. I've been partnered to the same handsome (and yeah, "masculine") guy for almost 20 years. I have a wide range of friends, most of them would "pass" for "straight" if they cared to. Sure there's a certain amount of joking that goes on, but it's all ironic. I think once MEN get to a certain age they are just more comfortable with themselves.

I rarely go out to clubs, so most of that scene I don't see. Maybe that's where all the "gurl" stuff people in this thread are obsessed with is happening. I do go to a lot of parties and restaurants though, and I don't see it.

At the end of the day, who gives a shit? People should be free to behave and express themselves however they like. As long as they aren't hurting others, why bother. It's the posters who obsess with "effeminacy" who obviously have the problem. So insecure. Grow up. A real man doesn't care.

by Anonymousreply 90March 6, 2015 1:00 AM

I live in chicago also, and I think it's more 50/50 here than other places (like LA - gurrrrl)...and the same as the East coast. But, any trip to big chicks / sofo (the supposedly masc bear bar) - everyone is clearly G-A-Y gay. I ignore Halsted altogether, bc I am over 30 - and that scene is not appealing.

I have met plenty of "masc" guys here, but my main issue w/ guys in Chicago is that they aren't very smart...and sense of humor lacks sorely (since these things go hand in hand). The personalities around here are what you'd expect from low quality educations at state schools, where most people graduated from (if they went to college at all). Now, before some queens start to hiss, I'm not saying this is universal...but it's a big difference from where I lived on the East coast. AND this absolutely includes straight men and women too. Every day, I see dumb coworkers, dumb neighbors, dumb people at the gym, dumb...everywhere.

Someone who is 32 and a VP at her company in Chicago asked me to edit this 5 page paper she had to write a few days ago (to submit as a homework assignment for some accreditation she wants), and it was worse than anything I've seen undergrads write at age 19. I almost couldn't edit it because it made no sense, but here she is in a "prestigious" Chicago-based firm... nearly illiterate...making over 100k.

I know it's unacceptable to call people dumb...so I'm going to be shit upon for this (and clearing my cookies asap) - but let's just remember how ok it seems to be to call them MARY and QUEEN and FEM etc... Dumb is a bigger turn of...for me.

by Anonymousreply 91March 6, 2015 1:22 AM

And yes, there were a dozen grammar mistakes in my post above, so go to town.

by Anonymousreply 92March 6, 2015 1:26 AM

r91 is single because he's a snob.

by Anonymousreply 93March 6, 2015 1:34 AM

Only on this disturbed website, R86. I only read about such odd and homophobic things here. You're single as well.

by Anonymousreply 94March 6, 2015 1:38 AM

Wow you elder gays are really depressing & self loathing, it's really sad.

It's like you just stepped out of the play "Boys in The Band"

I'm 26, been in a 6 yr monogamous relationship with my 27 yr old bf

We are both intelligent, own our own businesses & are not caught up in the drama of gays past.

Thanks for all your efforts but now please go peacefully into the sunset because your self hating antiquated ways are just dam.

by Anonymousreply 95March 6, 2015 1:43 AM

After reading r95 , I'd like to apologize to r91 . You're right; dumb is dumb and it's definitely a turn off.

by Anonymousreply 96March 6, 2015 1:46 AM

What's dumb about, R96? You seem rather defensive.

by Anonymousreply 97March 6, 2015 1:51 AM

Good men really are hard to find, and I do think most men (I'm a gay guy) have Peter Pan complexes, whether straight or gay. Finding the right guy is always difficult because I don't really think relationships come easily to the majority of people because it's a societal construct, so it's hard to identify the types of people really seeking that out in an already minority community instead of serial daters who chronically check Grindr once they find their boyfriend of the season.

by Anonymousreply 98March 6, 2015 1:59 AM

Immaturity and narcissism

by Anonymousreply 99March 6, 2015 2:05 AM

R81 - I am just curious - would you consider raising children with your partner, or is this more of a co-living, co-supportive relationship between two single people?

by Anonymousreply 100March 6, 2015 2:09 AM

I'm actually not single. I was just speaking from experience of being single in the past, in Chicago. Going on dates with some of the guys here made me want to stab myself in the eye.

If you read my post, I am talking about two basic factors (intellect and humor) that hardly make me a "snob" (I grew up with REAL snobs, so being called that is kind of funny). Most of my straight friends have identical backgrounds to me, and they came from far more money (or make more now). They paired off just fine with men/women at the same educational / career level.

Educational & career achievement is not valued to the same extent among gay men that it is among straight men. Dick size, "masc" acting behavior, & body type is more important...to a greater percentage of gay people than it is among straight people. And, I'm not single because I found someone who actually does value things aside from superficial crap...who is also well educated and funny.

Bringing up intelligence & personal achievement makes me a snob, but seeing 3/4 of online profiles demanding "masc only" or "must be over 8" thick" is better? Right.

by Anonymousreply 101March 6, 2015 2:12 AM

AYB is a long time poster here, like me. He's been here since I've been here, and that's been at least twelve years, so he's not so "young" any more. He has to be at least mid thirties. The qualities that were somewhat charming in his posts here aren't so charming when he's staring down forty.

AYB isn't a bad guy, but he needs to take a serious look at his post, and himself. Many of the reasons gay men are alone are reflected in him.

by Anonymousreply 102March 6, 2015 2:12 AM

[quote]What's dumb about, [R96]? You seem rather defensive.

I am not R96, but the reasons R91 is dumb includes:

1. Making broad generalizations about an entire population of men from a few posts on DL, despite evidence directly contradicting him (e.g., R90)

2. Making incorrect assumptions about who he is talking about (the post above said "over 30" so that could mean 31, not an "Elder gay").

3. This statement makes no sense in any context: "Thanks for all your efforts but now please go peacefully into the sunset because your self hating antiquated ways are just dam." Was that "damn?" And, "go off in the sunset"? We're on an anonymous message board. You can leave.

4. The fact he's posting with zero experience of being single after the age of 22.

Dumb.

Clear enough for you?

by Anonymousreply 103March 6, 2015 2:18 AM

Oh fuck - wrong R number.

[quote]What's dumb about IT, R96 You seem rather defensive.

I am not R96, but the reasons [R95] is dumb include:

1. Making broad generalizations about an entire population of men from a few posts on DL, despite evidence directly contradicting him inches from his post (e.g., [R90])

2. Making incorrect assumptions about who he is talking about (the post above said "over 30" so that could mean 31, not an "Elder gay") And 45 is "elder" too? Jesus.

3. This statement makes no sense in any context: "Thanks for all your efforts but now please go peacefully into the sunset because your self hating antiquated ways are just dam." Was that "damn?" And, "go off in the sunset"? We're on an anonymous message board. And, what's self-hating exactly? People are giving opinions about what makes others single.

4. (The most important) The fact he's posting with zero experience of being single after the age of 22...via The Dunning-Kruger effect.

Dumb.

Revised.

by Anonymousreply 104March 6, 2015 2:23 AM

[quote]The personalities around here are what you'd expect from low quality educations at state schools, where most people graduated from (if they went to college at all).

SNOB

by Anonymousreply 105March 6, 2015 2:31 AM

The 2 colored men across the street drive Audi's and have one of those government jobs. One walks his poodle daily and always picks up the excrement in these cute disposable plastic bags with dog bones imprinted on them in pink

Once a month like clock work they have some sort of meeting or party. It's always late on a Saturday or Sunday and I see many cars unfamiliar to the neighborhood. I never hear any party like noise. When I see them the next day they seem drawn and tired.

by Anonymousreply 106March 6, 2015 2:43 AM

r102, my experience and sentiments exactly about ayb ("angry young brit").

Was partnered for 26 years. Became single at age 50, which was 3 years ago. Now that I got my life back together, have been dating like a gay weasel and having fun

Have had to let go of my own perceptions (predjudices) and so-called "preferences". Really had to to put myself out there online and in bars. Kissed dozens of frogs, but am now in love with two men and maybe a third. One of them is my soul-mate, but he lives 500 miles away. And he's made the effort to visit me multiple times. He's considerably older. But he's in far better shape than I am. He's never been to college and is more intelligent than the other guy I am slowly falling for, who is local and has a PhD in biophysics but turned out to be a chubby bear. One night with Dr. Chubby Bear, and now I think he's sex on a stick. Mr. Faraway said he doesn't like cats. And now he loves my pussy:)

My point is, you won't know who's right for you until you get to know people beyond what you perceive them to be. It takes effort, and patience, and an open mind, IMHO.

If memory serves, ayb is a bit of an alkie and pothead (it takes one to know one...) who needs to get off his ass and out of his head and start meeting real men instead of judging theoretical ones. Have learned that dates or online messaging shouldn't be like job interviews or inspections. Stop being angry and let someone steal your heart, ayb.

At my age, having a few regular fuck buddies who are also good friends has kept me from the singles' blues. I have MANY flaws, and insecurities about those flaws (what ayb calls neuroses) but they don't seem to mind.

What matters most is the feeling of love rather than having everything be as I once expected it to be.

by Anonymousreply 107March 6, 2015 4:43 AM

Most people today Are going to end up single regardless of orientation, people just want to stick their dicks into anything and let their coochies be ravaged.

by Anonymousreply 108March 6, 2015 8:13 AM

Something like that, R84! I had the choice between having an affair or not having sex anymore, and because having an affair was out of the question (she was jealous and I cared about the relationship, still do even more now probably), I settled for eliminating sex from my life. Again, sex was great, but once you eliminate it, it's amazing the time it saves, and the stupid decisions it stops you from making.

I did gain 15 pounds. But, I was on the slim side so no harm done. Do need to lose them back, this is starting to annoy me.

by Anonymousreply 109March 6, 2015 8:31 AM

To R81/r100 and any others who have reading comprehension issues. The thread is titled "Why are so many gay MEN still single?" For fuck's sake.

by Anonymousreply 110March 6, 2015 8:41 AM

That's a good question R100. She doesn't want children and I'm not sure I do either. So maybe it is the latter. It just seems relationships are a lot more complex than I first thought.

by Anonymousreply 111March 6, 2015 8:45 AM

Apologies to R110 of course. And I meant R100 in my previous post.

And I stand by my observations: the gay MEN who are still single are mostly unable to compromise, and tend to be narcissists or at least very self-involved or status-oriented.

by Anonymousreply 112March 6, 2015 8:47 AM

"ALL, if not most gay men cheat."

That's why I'm single. I don't even look anymore. I don't want the emotional effects of being cheating upon, or the physical (stds).

The negatives outweigh the positives, no pun intended.

by Anonymousreply 113March 6, 2015 10:48 AM

I'm done with relationships. I'm done with sex. My last relationship ended in 2010. I have plenty of friends and I have internet porn for my sexual needs. I am happier now than ever.

by Anonymousreply 114March 6, 2015 2:59 PM

[quote]ALL, if not most gay men cheat.

"MOST, if not all" is what you were looking for.

by Anonymousreply 115March 6, 2015 3:03 PM

Fear of STDs is a huge factor

by Anonymousreply 116March 6, 2015 3:08 PM

American society is traditionally a deeply homophobic one - it still is, even in New York where I live. Of course, it's like anti-Semitism - it's really still there, but impolite to express publicly, so you won't hear people SAYING homophobic things, but you will sense it - and no, it's not in your head.

So gay boys grow up knowing they are gay, but hating themselves for it. Thus, most gay men feel unworthy and fearful of involvement.

I used to try SO hard, but at 49, I've come to realize that it effectively just doesn't happen, and if it does, it's rare, even for gay men who seem to have it all. Now, I've got cable for entertainment, and I know where to get off, if needed, but at my age, it's not as needed as it once was.

by Anonymousreply 117March 6, 2015 3:22 PM

R117, you hear plenty of people say overtly antigay stuff all the time, even in NYC.

by Anonymousreply 118March 6, 2015 3:24 PM

R118, well I certainly don't. Then again, my friends are ALL gay men - and my remaining acquaintances are almost exclusively male. And I NEVER hear them say homophobic things out loud.

Then again, when I hear someone say something or sense homophobia, I shun them from my life completely. So maybe it's self-selection on my part.

by Anonymousreply 119March 6, 2015 3:37 PM

I thought it had to do with gay men being so very picky that anyone short of absolute perfection is considered "settling for less"?

by Anonymousreply 120March 6, 2015 3:39 PM

Frustration with the lack of masculine guys is the biggest factor I hear. People want the buff football player but only getting interest from guys that are into Gaga and musicals.

by Anonymousreply 121March 7, 2015 10:40 PM

Masculine bi and gay guys are much less likely to be openly gay, which means they are less likely to see committed public relationships with men.

by Anonymousreply 122March 8, 2015 7:45 PM

This 'frustration with lack of masculine gay men' doesn't make sense to me.

It's say there are either about a dozen masculine gay men who can't find each other in a sea of nancys or there are untold number of masculine gay men sitting at home wondering where it all went wrong.

So who's on Grindr?

by Anonymousreply 123March 8, 2015 7:48 PM

It's interesting that these masculine guys can't find each other. Even more interesting that this website called, "RealJock" which is devoted to masculine gay men and is filled with hundreds of thousands of masculine gay men as members, their all single over there too. So, what's the problem fellas?!?!

by Anonymousreply 124March 8, 2015 7:56 PM

It's the same problem that always plagues too many gay men... so insecure they can't settle because there's got to be something better out there and when they find it that will mean they're better people too. It'll never change.

by Anonymousreply 125March 8, 2015 7:58 PM

Most feminine guys are seeking masculine dudes too. In fact, fem guys tend to be the most anti fem of all.

by Anonymousreply 126March 8, 2015 9:06 PM

d

by Anonymousreply 127March 13, 2015 4:27 PM

Everyone wants to date dudes that are 100 percent masculine and buff. They want the fitness model, the dudebro jock, the quarterback

by Anonymousreply 128March 14, 2015 1:49 AM

I only know coupled gay men. Both young and old.

by Anonymousreply 129March 14, 2015 2:01 AM

Opinion. Many guys who are attracted to other guys sexually, lock themselves into a "gay" identity, which historically means feminine.

Yes, some guys are innately feminine - but many others seem to think that taking on the old stereotypical gay characteristics is how you are supposed to live / act, out your life if you happen to want to have sex with other men.

I know that many here will start screaming "self loathing" but your sexual identity does not totally define who you are - and if you allow it to, you become the "type" that you are not interested in having a relationship with.

A dorky, imperfect "regular" guy can be very appealing.

by Anonymousreply 130March 14, 2015 2:19 AM

Even as equality rolls across the land/world the number of gay men in relation to overall population is still not a great number.

When you add the various restrictions and or the fact many like straight women are all chasing the same subset (white male, young, attractive to VGL, well educated and preferably financially secure)the pickings become even leaner.

Yes, here in NYC you hear the same moaning from many gay men as straight females; I can't find/hold onto a man. You go out and this or that guy gives either the glad eye only to be shot down and you ask "what was wrong with him?" and you get:

He's the wrong race, He's not good looking, He's fat/doesn't have a good body, He's works as a ....... , He's too old, He doesn't have any money...

And so it goes, a whole laundry list of disqualifying traits.

Where straight women differ from gay men is they former knows as she (and her eggs) age they are rapidly hitting the end of their shelf life. If a woman wants a husband, home and family she sooner or later has to settle or risk being left on the shelf. That or enter into single motherhood.

Gay males by and large have no such problems. Marriage for us is not based in whole or part for breeding purposes. That puts a completely different complexion on things.

by Anonymousreply 131March 14, 2015 2:45 AM

Lack of Masculinity is number one.

by Anonymousreply 132March 14, 2015 3:04 AM

because they're too busy eating Vagnia.

by Anonymousreply 133March 15, 2015 6:35 AM

huh

by Anonymousreply 134March 27, 2015 8:20 PM

I'm a lesbian and know many amazing, intelligent, funny, attractive gay guys who are inexplicably single, but I also know many lesbians who fit that description who have also been single a long time. As well as many straight men and women who have also been single sometimes for years despite being great people. I've come to the possibly obvious conclusion that it's just really fucking difficult to date these days. It's hard to find people you click with, share interests with, can form intimate relationships with, and just give enough of a fuck about to risk investing emotionally into them, outside of college or work environments or other contexts that contrive long-term associations so that you get to know and bond with people.

I just think everyone's in the same boat.

by Anonymousreply 135March 27, 2015 8:28 PM

What R50 said.

I would add, to AYB at R1, that when I first start reading someone making a 'list' of why they can't find a partner, that to me is a red flag in and of itself. It reads as if you are actually looking for reasons to continue proving to yourself that you "can't/won't...so why bother."

The list also reads like someone who isn't very caring or compassionate as well. Instead of putting all these gays in categories of "no", why not look deeper? Is there some way in which you are being too judgmental?

To be a worthy partner, a gay man must understand each and every item in your 'list' as something that is endemnic to the gay community, and something that actually comes from somewhere...somewhere that we are all dealing with.

I can look at all the failings of the gay community, all the strange self-hating behavior, and how it manifests itself, and I can very easily tie it to growing up in an unwelcome environment, and can commiserate with these people. I can see that lonely guy in the bar, nursing several drinks, or that chubby guy on the internet profile, and can tie their stories all to the same story as my own. I can relate!

Again, I can relate.

That's why I'm partnered. I made the conscious decision to dig deeper and look at these gay guys in a compassionate light, because I too have been judged and hated most of my life, and I too have my own insecurities stemming from growing up with, and coming to terms with, my sexuality. It's a daily struggle for me to parse my demons and find ways to work with them. Some days I succeed with flying colors, and other days I'm wanting to die in a grease fire...and everything in between.

As a gay man, I realized I have a unique gift, that I have endured many harsh struggles, and as painful as that all is, I can give compassion to other gay men, and try to find the good in them. Now, many gay men aren't interested in my compassion, because I don't look like Jake Gyllenhaal.

But I am an average looking guy with a lot of humor and quirks, with the balls to approach the situation and give every guy a chance...a chance to at least have a drink and a chat, or a joke on the bus. Whatever it takes to make myself feel like I'm contributing to the world, and not complaining.

Again, that's why I have a partner, because I met someone who is compatible with that. It's not a perfect relationship, but it's workable, and most of the time, it's a huge benefit to my life in so many ways, and as we get older and more time goes by, we have even more in common because of history.

I could not have gotten there if I were making a list of different types of negative gay men and letting that choose my fate, ayb. I bet at least ONE of the guys from each of your group is actually a potential partner for you, if you only sat down with that person, had a drink, a sense of humor about yourself, and an eye on finding common ground with them.

We are all alike in so many ways, and yet we destroy each other in order to avoid destroying ourselves. The bullies of our past are long gone, but we have taken over in self-harm, and we take a break from it all in order to hurt or judge others. It's only when we take a look at this, and realize we are all coming from the same place, that we can have peace with all that, and we'd be ready to be in a realistic LTR.

by Anonymousreply 136March 30, 2015 7:22 PM

wow, dude

by Anonymousreply 137March 30, 2015 7:48 PM

R126 you should check the main page, I'm pretty sure someone posted your Craigslist ad.

by Anonymousreply 138March 31, 2015 5:18 AM

To be perfectly honest, I feel as though the majority of gay men are not conditioned for long term monogamous relationships. Most gay men are emotionally stunted as a result of the whole coming out process. I also feel most gay guys are chronically afraid of rejection (likely again as a result of the coming out process).

Then there is sex. Gay culture and as a result gay relationships are far more sexualized than heteros. Gay guys are often quicker to jump into bed together and don't allow emotional intimacy to grow to a point where the relationship can flourish even after the physical part breakdown.

If I look in my circle of firmness I would say only 10% ore in LTR that are 100% monogamous maybe another 10% who are in open LTRs. The rest of us date but nothing that usually lasts long term.

Another problem unique to us gays is that because we're a small part of the community, there are fewer of us and even in a big city everyone knows everyone somehow. So when you start seeing someone new, it isn't long before you get wind of the gossip.

by Anonymousreply 139April 16, 2015 7:13 PM

[R139] I agree with you on the statement that gay guys on the whole are slower at maturing emotionally. In my circle of friends, most of us didn't get into our first real serious LTR until we were in our late 30s or early 40s. I was 39 when I met my husband we're both pushing 50 now.

by Anonymousreply 140April 17, 2015 1:44 PM

So many Bi/Gay men feel this way too:

Vas Morgan has sparked outrage after blasting same sex couples as ‘unnatural’.

The 27-year-old, who is openly gay, said he hates his sexuality and can’t see himself raising children with another man.

Speaking to aTEEN magazine, Vas said: “I’m not that religious so I don’t think I’ll go to hell but I have to admit I still do think that [being gay] is wrong. I think it’s unnatural.”

Discussing his parents beliefs over same-sex relationships, the TOWIE star said they don’t like seeing him ‘being gay’ on the show.

Vas also addressed the comments designers Dolce & Gabbana recently made, blasting Elton John and David Furnish’s children as ‘synthetic’.

He continued: “I wouldn’t ever want to bring up kids in a gay relationship either.

“I actually agree with some of the things they are saying but could never voice my opinion because people would turn on me too.

“I think it is great people like Elton John can do it but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing up kids with another man.”

During a recent episode of The Only Way Is Essex, Vas claimed he was confused over his sexuality, after it was revealed he tried to kiss co-star Jasmin Walia.

He told Lauren Pope: “Maybe I’m not gay, maybe I’m bi-sexual.”

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 141April 21, 2015 10:35 AM

We've been brain washed by Hollywood to believe that we all should find that one person who will make us complete and we'll live happily ever after. Life doesn't work that way particularly now that we're living longer and longer.

Mating with one person for life made sense when the average lifespan was 25 to 30 but now we're living into our 80s and gender roles have fundamentally changed. I think most people can expect to have a multitude of partners in their lives.

I'm 42 and single by choice now. My last LTR ended 4 years ago (it lasted 6 years) and I've never been happier and more self fulfilled in my life. I have a much better understanding of who I am as a person, and the freedom to do what I please whenever I please. I also have an amazing group of friends. Some of whom are single, some are in LTRs, some are in open relationship etc. What I do find funny are many of my friends in relationships always say (usually when drunk) how envious they are me or how they wish they lived on their own again. It's like a flashback because I was saying the same things to my single friends when I was in an LTR.

If you're single stop whining about it and enjoy your life. People will come and go it's a fact of life honey.

by Anonymousreply 142May 7, 2015 8:20 PM

The majority of bottoms want hung boyfriends and there are only so many to go around. The majority of tops enjoy playing the field and tend to not stick with bfs and/or cheat and blow up the couple.

by Anonymousreply 143May 7, 2015 8:27 PM

R140=self-loathing twit. I'll have you know I was in a monogamous relationship with a man at 21.

by Anonymousreply 144May 9, 2015 5:35 PM

See this thread, reply 1, and all will be answered.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 145May 9, 2015 5:41 PM

Low expectations

by Anonymousreply 146August 21, 2015 12:55 PM

A profound lack of masculine, normal mainstream guys that do not fit into gay stereotypes.

by Anonymousreply 147August 26, 2015 12:04 PM

there is a shortage of guys who are fantasy muscular macho jocks that want to have a relationship with males

by Anonymousreply 148August 30, 2015 1:00 AM

[quote] They're selfish, emotionally immature, and unwilling to compromise. They place too much importance on things like status or "romanticism" and "passion", not whether a partner is going to be a stable contribution for a life together, for example.

Sounds like every str8 man out there as well.

Maybe it isn't about being "gay". Maybe it's about being MALE. The unreasonable expectations for a partner, the unwillingness to engage with anyone that isn't "hot" (i.e. isn't someone your friends want to fuck), the total lack of emotional commitment to anything. Maybe it's just the way MEN are. Maybe men are too shallow for relationships - ?

How many people posting here actually WANT a relationship? Or is it just something you think you *have to have*?

by Anonymousreply 149August 30, 2015 1:39 AM

Of course I want a relationship. I want to be validated by someone who is hot smart kind because that's the only way I will know I'm also hot smart kind.

by Anonymousreply 150August 30, 2015 2:31 AM

Isn't it just a case of the vast majority of gays being bottoms means there are too few tops to go around?

by Anonymousreply 151August 30, 2015 3:52 AM

Something like that R147-- I'd settle for guys who don't have gay voice.

by Anonymousreply 152August 30, 2015 4:01 AM

So few mainstream masculine gay dudes who aren't closeted

by Anonymousreply 153November 13, 2015 9:38 PM

Vas Morgan has serious self-loathing issues.

by Anonymousreply 154November 13, 2015 9:40 PM

Dysfunction

by Anonymousreply 155January 3, 2016 8:49 PM

fear of HIV

by Anonymousreply 156January 4, 2016 4:08 PM

Yep!

by Anonymousreply 157January 25, 2016 11:58 AM

Ding ding ding! r149 has it right.

by Anonymousreply 158January 25, 2016 12:12 PM

The single guys are sometimes the smartest ones. Ask their partnered friends.

by Anonymousreply 159January 25, 2016 4:00 PM

the closet and denial

by Anonymousreply 160April 2, 2016 6:18 PM

The closet

by Anonymousreply 161June 7, 2016 9:05 AM

Singletons saying I don't want to settle. I've had many a conversation on this topic and it's always single that talk like that. I've been with my partner for 16+ years relationships have many turns if there're evolving. So no, I've not settled we move forward.

by Anonymousreply 162June 7, 2016 10:31 AM

fear of STDs and bitchiness

by Anonymousreply 163June 11, 2016 12:34 PM

Straight guys generally settle down because all their friends are. And their friends are settling down because their girlfriends are expecting it and want to start having babies.

A lot of gay guys have trouble going from "I love having sex with other men" to "I love other men."

by Anonymousreply 164June 11, 2016 12:43 PM

From r63's "listen dudes" post, and its attached video:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 165June 11, 2016 2:38 PM

It turns out that the guy in r63's post is no better than the rest of the picky gay men around here.

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by Anonymousreply 166June 11, 2016 2:40 PM

Who the hell would want to be monogamous???? I don't get you emotional Marys.

by Anonymousreply 167June 11, 2016 3:23 PM

The more a man desires a relationship the more effeminate he is. We are men not UHAUL lesbos.

by Anonymousreply 168June 11, 2016 3:25 PM

No one wants anyone who wants him back. It has ever been thus.

by Anonymousreply 169June 11, 2016 4:06 PM

The closet is larger than the number of openly gay dudes. And bi dudes don't want to marry or date men. Closeted men and men in denial don't want a real monogamous relationship with a man, so that means pickings are slim.

by Anonymousreply 170June 11, 2016 7:21 PM

Fear of AIDS

by Anonymousreply 171July 1, 2016 1:02 PM

so many reasons

by Anonymousreply 172July 2, 2016 1:12 AM

There are 9 bottoms to every top, so 8 go without boyfriends.

by Anonymousreply 173July 2, 2016 1:32 AM

Depression

by Anonymousreply 174July 9, 2016 12:35 PM

The biggest reason so many gay men are single is because they are delusional and unrealistic with their expectations of what kind of man they want and aren't willing to compromise. If you're sitting around waiting for a 30 year old millionaire with a perfect body and model looks, you're probably going to be single for the rest of of your life.

by Anonymousreply 175July 9, 2016 3:11 PM

No r275. I just want a buff black bisexual football player. Realistic goals here bro

by Anonymousreply 176July 9, 2016 3:13 PM

I sincerely hope everyone posting in this thread using the "LGBT" alphabet soup label dies in a grease fire.

This thread is specifically about GAY MEN. Take your tranny-inspired alphabet soup shit somewhere else.

So many good answers in this thread, but one thing I've noticed among gay men is the "I'm completely average looking but believe I deserve a hot boyfriend" attitude. It completely baffles me. Bars. Hookup apps. Dating apps. Yiu would be surprised how many pudgy, average looking middle aged men will ignore you unless you're under 30 and look like a model.

I made peace long ago with the fact that I'm not a stunner, am solidly average in the looks department, amd don't waste time pining for or chasing after hotties. But so many gay men in my looks bracket always think they deserve better than someone who is on their level. So they will die alone.

Sigh.

by Anonymousreply 177July 9, 2016 3:30 PM

The lack of mainstream MASCULINE openly gay men who want true monogamous relationships is actually the number one answer.

by Anonymousreply 178July 9, 2016 3:49 PM

[quote]The lack of mainstream MASCULINE openly gay men who want true monogamous relationships is actually the number one answer.

Again, if you really want a monogamous relationship, adjust your priorities. There are plenty of gay men out there who may not be SUPER "masculine" (however you define the word), but aren't in-your-face gay either. If that's not good enough for you, then yeah, you'll probably stay single.

by Anonymousreply 179July 9, 2016 4:00 PM

r179, for most, the preference for masculine men is not some cognitive choice to only seek traditionally masculine men. It's innate, or at the very least, unconscious and essentially unchangeable. It's like having a preference for men itself. It's just what one is naturally attracted to.

by Anonymousreply 180July 9, 2016 4:07 PM

This discussion seems to be based on the idea that you're supposed to be partnered.

Why do I want that? I understand why other people do, and I hope they get just what they want. But I'm not interested.

I have plenty of love in my life from family and friends, plenty of sex from sweethearts old and new (zero interest in monogamy), and I like what I accomplish at work.

Why do I want a husband?

by Anonymousreply 181July 9, 2016 4:08 PM

R180 Psychoanalyze it all you want. Gay men are WAY too picky, hence why so many are single and die single.

Also, ironically, many of these gay men wanting "masculine" men are usually anything but "masculine" themselves.

by Anonymousreply 182July 9, 2016 4:13 PM

Because of their insanity over celebrities' tweets.

by Anonymousreply 183July 9, 2016 4:19 PM

yeah, r182, but not all of them are deluded and think they are masculine. I see lots of ads and profiles from self-avowed feminine men seeking Alpha Males and ultramasculine men. Apparently, a lot of masculine bi/straightish guys seek fems.

by Anonymousreply 184July 9, 2016 4:22 PM

Gay men sitting on their thrones of "masculinity" voicing their decrees about how all of our problems are based upon gay guys being too nelly make me laugh....and cry.

Who died and left them the arbiters of what is properly male and gay? It's all on a spectrum....like your little brother!

Forced idealization of a particular slice of what it is to be make and gay at least accounts for all the shitty personalities and damaged souls I encounter. At least I know what they all have in common!

by Anonymousreply 185July 9, 2016 4:56 PM

r185, as long as they aren't demanding that non-masculine guys pretend to be masculine, what's the problem? People have a right to seek people they are attracted to and compatible with. It doesn't have to be politically correct. It doesn't even have to be for the common good of the community. As long as they are happy, so be it.

by Anonymousreply 186July 9, 2016 4:59 PM

You would have loved being with me in a restaurant one night, R185, when a table of four gay men was seated next to us. They shreeeeeked throughout the meal in fluent Gurleen about how masculine they are. The funniest was when they were telling each other how "masssssssculine" their voices were.

by Anonymousreply 187July 9, 2016 5:00 PM

Because most gay men are seeking 100 masculine fantasy jock guys. There are very few openly gay guys like this. Sadly, the more masculine a gay or bi dude is, the more likely he is closeted or in denial. OBviously closeted and bi guys are not gonna be seeking real public relationships with guys became that would threaten their closeted status.

by Anonymousreply 188August 24, 2017 8:10 PM

Seeking 100 percent masculine

by Anonymousreply 189August 24, 2017 8:11 PM

Hmmm

by Anonymousreply 190August 25, 2017 2:03 PM

The longest and happiest gay relationships I've seen over the last thirty years have been between two average or slightly below average looking men. The male 'peacock' couples I've known barely make it past the first few months because one or both of them have 'one eye on the door' all of the time.

by Anonymousreply 191August 25, 2017 2:16 PM

Because they are waiting for a dude like this.

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by Anonymousreply 192August 25, 2017 2:18 PM

The lack of truly masculine openly gay men is a huge factor.

by Anonymousreply 193August 25, 2017 2:30 PM

r192 You're right. Right up until the time they're calling the Social Security office to inquire about receiving their benefits.

by Anonymousreply 194August 25, 2017 2:57 PM

To be fair, straight dudes want the hot young chick even when the dude is elderly

by Anonymousreply 195August 25, 2017 3:01 PM

Love is a Marketplace. So if no one has put you in his cart and you are still sitting on the shelf, it could be because of problems relating to:

Product placement

Packaging issues

Undesirable contents

Expiration date issues

by Anonymousreply 196August 25, 2017 3:37 PM

[quote] Because most gay men are seeking 100 masculine fantasy jock guys.

And because they seem completely oblivious to the fact that were they to find such a guy, he'd be completely uninterested in their effeminate out-of-shape ass.

Add to that the fact that they'd be unable to hold a conversation on anything their mythical jock would be interested in (and vice versa) and you've got a recipe for disaster.

by Anonymousreply 197August 25, 2017 3:47 PM

R196 is speaking raw truth

by Anonymousreply 198August 25, 2017 3:51 PM

Only two possible reasons:

Their dicks are too small and/or they have no money!

by Anonymousreply 199August 25, 2017 4:03 PM

Unrealistic Standards variation: DL provides many examples of this one

Look at all the threads where posters denigrate the looks of incredibly good-looking actors and models. (Bradley Cooper, for example.)

I've not doubt those same posters dismiss guys for not living up to some mythical beauty ideal when they themselves are maybe 5s or 6s as best.

by Anonymousreply 200August 25, 2017 4:09 PM

You are being generous r200. You know those critics are hideous effeminate bitchy men who cope by being bitter toward others

by Anonymousreply 201August 25, 2017 4:18 PM

No not true r175. He's out there. He has to be...

I made pot roast.

by Anonymousreply 202August 25, 2017 5:52 PM

Yep, the closet and bisexual preference for relationships with women only is a huge factor. And too many annoying effeminate gay men.

by Anonymousreply 203August 26, 2017 5:16 PM

I got frustrated with the lack of attractive masculine men who wanted authentic monogamous lifelong relationships. So, I married a woman. At least I am emotionally happy now.

by Anonymousreply 204August 27, 2017 1:55 PM

EVeryone is seeking the hot buff Alpha male jock or hunk but so few men seeking relationships with men are that ideal

by Anonymousreply 205August 27, 2017 2:22 PM

Hmmm

by Anonymousreply 206August 27, 2017 5:47 PM

The huge closet.

by Anonymousreply 207October 12, 2017 4:07 PM

Most men who are attracted to men either don’t want to be gay, are afraid to come out, or don’t think of themselves as gay. The overwhelming stigma against male homosexuality and gay identity sabatoges the ability to form male relationships.

by Anonymousreply 208January 21, 2018 6:08 PM

Maybe we're not so weak that we'd need someone else to find meaning and strength in our lives? Just a guess.

by Anonymousreply 209January 21, 2018 6:18 PM

It’s hard to sustain relationships with closeted men who think gayness is a dirty secret to be overcome or hidden.

by Anonymousreply 210January 21, 2018 6:28 PM

Mean-spiritedness and overall negativity and nihilism are huge factors

by Anonymousreply 211June 9, 2018 12:50 PM

The homophobia like R211.

by Anonymousreply 212June 9, 2018 12:52 PM

R211 is correct. There may be upbeat and sunny gay men out there, but the general ethos of gay men I have met has been noticeably more negative, hypercritical, catty, and encouraging than of other men. My straight male friends often speak life and encouragement to me and rarely say anything harsh to me, whereas gay guys often hurl sharp and nasty comments recklessly.

by Anonymousreply 213June 9, 2018 12:56 PM

Fear

by Anonymousreply 214December 24, 2018 11:45 PM

Ask James Charles

by Anonymousreply 215May 16, 2019 12:02 PM

Why James Charles?

by Anonymousreply 216September 5, 2020 1:12 PM

OP it's because as these posts show we are nasty bitches.

by Anonymousreply 217September 6, 2020 6:09 AM

Nasty, cynical temperaments. Bitchy men are annoying

by Anonymousreply 218January 8, 2021 11:19 AM

I think social media has made it tougher. So many hot guys with perfect physiques

by Anonymousreply 219January 30, 2021 2:07 PM

It's getting better and younger gay men don't seem quite as bitchy and nasty as when I was younger (I'm in my 50s), but man, when I came out and started going to the bars, I was amazed at how many nasty, bitchy men there were. Even hanging around groups of other gay men, they'd always be so cutting and vicious. I never understood that. I know many are using it as armor to the world that rejected them and treated them badly, but it was something else.

I never, ever put up with the shit these guys used to sling, and I can be very cutting when I strike back, but I never strike out. What's funny is that when I'd clap back at some of these guys, they'd get all freaked out and say I was the one being bitchy and mean. I remember one incident at a bar where a guy did this--was just being cutting and mean to me and I didn't know him or even engage him, so I went back at him. Then he freaked out and started getting hysterical about how mean I was (I went for the jugular and hit it). My female friend who was with me was exasperated and said to him that he had started it, we were there talking and minding our own business and he started being bitchy to me until I finally slapped back, then he started crying like a toddler when he got a dose of his own medicine. She said he needed to just shut up if had nothing but bitchiness to bring. He stormed out of the bar. We just shook our heads and went back to our conversation.

by Anonymousreply 220January 30, 2021 4:00 PM

Unhappy people are not attractive to others. Who wants to be Around pessimistic, vicious, nasty people?

by Anonymousreply 221February 20, 2021 3:50 PM
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