Let's pretend we're "Saturday Night Live"

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

I'm Gilda Radner. I was the real star of the first five seasons, and I had no idea a target of my ridicule would still be working 25 years after my death.

I'm the 70s-style gameshow sketches they're doing well into the 2010s. Are gameshows even still a thing? SNL in the 70s didn't do this many gameshow sketches.

I'm Eddie Murphy. I'm the most successful black cast member this show has ever seen, and I was on the show when Lorne Michaels wasn't, which should tell you something.

I'm blow. I'm beloved by almost everyone in every season, with the exception of Jane Curtin.

I'm Jane Curtin. Thanks to my not doing blow, I actually was ready for prime time before the rest of these degenerates.

I'm the soundstage wondering when the fuck this tired, dated show is ever going to call it a day since it hasn't been funny in about 15 years.

I'm a talentless, yet non-threatening black man. Lorne will keep me around for over ten years.

I'm guest hostess Madonna, trying to be relevant.

I'm Don Pardo--am I dead yet?

I am a cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger.

I'm the number of successful SNL sketch-based movies that will stand the test of time.

I'm a cast member from one of the especially wretched seasons that come along every five years or so. I may become famous but thankfully nobody remembers I was on SNL.

I'm not white but I see there are already 3 non-white cast members on the show. Guess I'm out of luck even though I'm way funnier than some of the white ones.

I'm the big box of doughnuts in the green room at every rehearsal. Beck Bennett is beginning to learn I am no longer his friend.

We are the Coneheads. We come from France. Perhaps they found our theatrical movie more palatable there, as none of the human beings in the United States of America seemed to find much to recommend about it. At least we were not [italic]A Night of the Roxbury[/italic].

I'm the NBC peacock. This show stopped being funny in 1979. This is why NBC blocks it so vigorously from YouTube or any Internet outlet showing it for free.

This is for you, R17:

I'm the shocking NINE years that have passed since "Lazy Sunday."

[quote]I'm not white but I see there are already 3 non-white cast members on the show. Guess I'm out of luck even though I'm way funnier than some of the white ones.

I'm [italic]MAD TV[/italic], and I would have found plenty for you to do.

r18, when NBC started the "NBC: Proud as a Peacock!" advertising campaign (see the end of the link) for the first time, SNL ran a parody with the same image and singers... except the line was, "NBC: Smart as a Peacock!"

I'm Ann Risley, the forgotten "new Jane Curtain" from the infamous "Saturday Night Live-1980" season. I made the fatal error of ordering lowly featured player Eddie Murphy to "fetch" me a glass of water. I was fired (along with practically every other castmember EXCEPT Eddie) two months into the season, never to be seen again.

I'm the weird Jim Henson creatures from the first season that nobody remembers.

Im Sinead O'Conner. You bitches owe me my career back.

I'm Mary Gross and even I don't have anything interesting to say about myself.

I am the Zsa Zsa of comedy shows: sketchy, slap happy and more grim than the Grim Reaper himself.

I'm the cue cards, the most important part of the show.

I'm a cowbell. Lame douchebags call for more of me for some reason.

We're the intriguing, indie/cult/coffeehouse musical acts SNL stopped booking around 1978 or so in favor of more "Top 40" acts.

Well, isn't that special.

I'm Bill Murray's Pock Mark #237.

I'm John Belushi shitting my pants for the 18th time while on camera.

I'm Steve Martin, frequent guest host and, in my own eyes, the most brilliant man alive.

I'm a member of a crackpot crew of dataloungers who think that bemoaning the decline of a tv show that was once a lot funnier makes me massively hip and shows off my incredible superiority, even though I am lucky to even own a television.

I am Laraine Newman, drowning my problems in heroin because I am the only member of the original cast unable to create a memorable recurring character.

I'm Paul Schaffer, accidentally dropping the F-bomb on live TV 30 years before Jenny Slate; nobody lost their minds then. Go figure.

I'm Garrett Morris at R34.

I'm the hot young Hollywood twink. Why are there are all these sketches with me in drag or kissing another guy?

I'm the Jap Anus Relations most gay men in New York are having instead of watching this show.

I can't decide whether I'm Lindsay Lohan's second would-be "comeback" or Arcade Fire's third earnest but dull performance. Should I kill myself now?

I'm a 14 year old boy who wasn't alive the last time the show was any good, so any time there's a long string of not-terrible sketches is another "Golden Age" to me.

I'm the ghost of Fuckin' Charles Rocket

I'm Terry Sweeney, the first openly gay cast member. Who's the second? Even I don't know the answer.

I'm the coke they were doing backstage for years and years.

Could not stand Chevy Chase, smirk and all..amateurs compared to the cast of the truly hilarious SCTV.

I'm Carol Burnett. I've refused every offer to host this show because it's basically a reaction to shows like mine. Even Bernadette Peters and Tim Curry hosted on consecutive weeks when [italic]Annie[/italic] came out. And as far as I'm concerned, Jimmy Fallon's constant giggling negates all Lorne Michaels' complaints about the same on my show.

I'm the Word Association sketch. If they even tried me today, I'd end up sounding like morse code.

It is weird how SNL is treated as the 'be all and end all' when SCTV, In Living Color, Kids In The Hall & MadTV were leaps and bounds more hilarious.

I'm R2, R4, R6, R12, and I have no idea how to use a comma.

I'm non-lesbian Candi Bergen and I was the first woman to host the show. I was hot once.

I'm baseball. I was a lot better to Garrett Morris than the producers and writers ever were.

openly gay?

I'm the dude in the band over the guest host's shoulder during the monologue who must clap and smile and pretend the host is great ... week after week.

I hate my job.

We're the teenage girls hired by Sean Wlliam Scott's agent to scream whenever he walked onto the stage.

I'm the far less talented sibling of a cast member. I somehow managed to land a gig on this show.

I'm AWG Justin Timberlake. I've been on every season for the past 5 or 6 years now with both host and cameo roles. Thanks to my ability to succeed at frat-boy-level-humor, big-time hollywood producers actually started believing that I could and I have been given numerous serious acting roles. Who cares if the movies have all flopped? I still get good roles.

[R48] KITH were the Everything. Their affectionate, sharp satire wins over SNL's nasty sniping and exhibitionism any day. I only ever really dug the first cast SNL, and only Danny Aykroyd and Gilda really gave it their all (they should have let Michael O'Donoghue on camera more, depressing as he could be).

As for KITH, there's no weak link---Mark McKinney is a genius, he can disappear inside persona like magic, and Dave Foley has always been a subtly sly and droll wit, as well as an excellent drag artist, he makes an utterly convincing woman. Kevin has a palpable energy for comedy and has no qualms playing straight man to the others clowning. Bruce McCulloch notably answered the call of SNL for a short stint, and quickly left when he realised how cliquey, dysfunctional and ineffective the shows cast were at the time. Bruce works best without corporate interference, so I'm glad he didn't stay---his bizarre spoken word ramblings are the best thing to come out of 80's metal/stoner comedy. Scott Thompson is beloved among gays for his turn as new gay teen Brian's concerned mother, it must be seen to be believed.

I just love these guys, they call themselves 'macabre mirth-makers' but a lot of their work is sweet and easy to watch and laugh along with.

Not to tin hat here but I also always suspected Dave and Bruce had a downlow sex/romance type thing going on. Check out the video in the link, it has some very odd body language and eye contact.

I'm Gary Kroeger. I was the cute guy for a season, a long time ago.

I'm the forced nervous laughter from the live audience.

I'm the sketch that kind of worked once, but not really. Lorne is already telling the writers to do another version of me for the next 12 episodes, hoping he can get a movie deal out of me.

I'm the extremely lame and cheesy voiceover guy that introduces the cast.

thank you R48

there are many people who do not like and no longer watch this show and wonder how it has survived since 1975

medicore over rated many many untalented performers more lame sophomoric skits than good ones very few good seasons

I am Kris Kristoferson, the worst guest host in the history of SNL

I am Milton Berle, and I challenge that assertion, r63!

I am January Jones, and I beg to differ.

I'm the skit that starts out funny but goes on and on and on and on and is about as funny as herpes by the time it draws to a close. The next skit will make the same mistake. Actually every skit of every episode makes the same mistake. If this were acting class we'd all fail, but this is TV so we get applause.

From what I've seen, SNL has been unfunny dreck for at least the last 20 years. I once rented the Best of Will Ferrell and the only thing that made me laugh was a blooper (he loses control of a mobility scooter) Some of the sketches, I don't even understand what's meant to be funny about them, like the ones with 3 guys boogie-ing inside a car.

I am Jean Doumanian, the executive producer that everyone would like to forget.

At least I got to work with Woody Allen...

I am Denny Dillon ... I was supposed to be the next Gilda Radner

I am Dan Ackroyd. Somehow, I got an Oscar nomination and got married Donna Dixon. I am one lucky guy

I'm the late Charles Rocket and I'd like to know who the fuck did it.

I'm Louise Lasser. Bet you couldn't tell I was on something when I hosted.

We're 'The Ambiguously Gay' enjoying some our Schweddy Balls.

R70 he is from onbe of the wealthiest families in Ontario

Could that have helped persuade her to marry him?

Naah That kind of stuff doesn't happen

I'm the horrible, 'artsy' bumper photos of whoever is hosting. I suck, and always have.

I am Norm Crosby. I wanted to host SNL in the worst way, but Lorne Michaels wouldn't return my phone calls

I'm Dana Carvey still chopping broccoli

I am Danitra Vance, the only black lesbian performer on SNL

I'm the ghost of Gilda Radner haunting the dressing rooms.

"Oooohhhh.... you're not funny .... oooohhhh. The early seasons were so much better ooooohhhhh...."

I am the DL SNL Shill. I will attack any poster who doesn't agree with me that SNL is a sacred pop culture instititution. Any criticism of the current cast/season is PROHIBITED!

I am the many recurring characters who weren't even funny the first time.

I'm poor Teri Garr forced to do the Irish/mr potato head musical sketch during the first recast.

I'm Mr. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.

I'm Andy Samburg, the new Adam Sandler. And just like him, I'll age from a precocious 20-something into a blob-like, dull adult who still tries to pull off the same type of humor.

I'm the fax sent to inform Sarah Silverman her services will no longer be required.

I'm Andy Kaufman lip-synching "HERE I come to save the day!"

I'm Mr. Bill

I'm the name-dropping of Jewish celebrities over some basic guitar chords. Adam Sandler calls me "The Hanukkah Song."

I'm the stupid little jig Ashlee Simpson did after the tape slip-up revealed she couldn't sing live.

I'm Toonces.

I'm Victoria Jackson, praying for just about everybody else who's ever set foot on that stage.

[quote]I am Dan Ackroyd. Somehow, I got an Oscar nomination and got married Donna Dixon. I am one lucky guy

I am the dozens of pounds of excess weight that have settled on both Dan Ackroyd and Donna Dixon, obviating this statement.

I'm the unspoken publicity arrangements with the likes of Yahoo! and other pitiful, corporate entertainment pages, with reliable Monday morning meme movements, insisting we watch the "viral", "must-see" skits that revealed themselves over the weekend.

I'm the viewer's suspicion that he/she might have a form of autism as he/she stares stone faced at the crazed, hyperactive line readings, the gulfs of silence as cast members read cue cards, the movie stars waiting for sweet release, while listening to the uproar of canned laughter, asking him/herself why they don't understand how this show is or has ever been funny.

I'm weed. I'm the reason people laughed at these sketches back in the day.

I'm the cue cards that the cast stares at instead of interacting with each other.

I'm Nora Dunn, boycotting the show because of how far back special guest host Andrew "Dice" Clay has set women's rights. I took a stand and they fired me. Now, we're both washed up!

R57, I have the DVD set of KITH and still pop it in every once in awhile when I want a good laugh. 20+ years later it still holds up incredibly well.

Has SNL ever come up with characters as funny as Tammy, Cancer Boy, Buddy Cole, Cathy & Kathie and Francesca Fiore?

I'm FIFTY! Fifty. Years. Old.

I win, r63, r64, and r65!

I'm Betty White's dusty muffin.

I'm [italic]The Simpsons[/italic]. I poached all the show's best writers and did the same to [italic]ALF[/italic], too.

Actually r61 I'm kind of a legend.

Stop! Stop! I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen--I'm Elvis Costello, and there's no reason to continue this thread here.

"Radio, Radio"--5...6...7...8...

I'm a Senator of the United States Senate. No, I will not say "I am a WILD and crazy guy." That wasn't even my line!

We're the humorless comedy snobs who still revere this show and think it's actually sticking it to "The Man" even though it's basically the propaganda arm of a large corporation. If it hadn't been for us, SNL would have been cancelled in 1981 and remembered only by fat, bearded men in Black Sabbath T-shirts.

I'm Shimmer the floor polish that's also a dessert topping.

"Tastes great! and just look at that shine!"

I am Bass-o-matic

I am Tom Davis trying to figure out how Al Franken ended up in the US Senate

Shouldn't that be "I WAS Tom Davis..." considering that he's dead.

I am the 1989s Dennis Miller completely ashamed of what I have become,

I'm Mike Myers. I can give Chevy Chase a run for his money in the category of "most despised comedian."

Nevermind

I'm Blerta, the new Girl from Albania.

I LOVE R105!

He said it best!!!!!

It's probably very cheap for NBC to make.

It is favored by wanna be hipsters who think they are smarter than everyone.

In reality, they have unsophisticated senses of humor equivalent to fifth graders who like fart jokes.

for further information: see Jimmy Fallen.

I am Joe Piscopo. I was supposed to the first breakout star of the 80s

I'm Brian Fellow.

I'm Phil Hartman, who somehow created fully realized characters in three minutes even though I was burdened with terrible material.

And I'm dead.

I'm r115's inexplicable bitterness over a TV show.

The dumbest posts EVER begin with....Lets pretend.

I'm blink-and-you'll-miss-me former cast member Christine Ebersole, giving my two Tonys a polish with Nevr-Dull.

R120 calls people dumb for using their imagination, then violates the rules of proper punctuation.

I'm Tina Fey. I'm the only one who stood up to Lorne Michaels and his sexist boys' club anti-culture, and I made [italic]Mean Girls[/italic] happen, so you bitches OWE me. Sorry for giving work to homophobes.

I'm Dana Carvey. In retrospect, I should have been the one from [italic]Wayne's World[/italic] who had the successful film career.

This thread is as amusing as an SNL episode.

I'm Colon Blow, the other OTHER kind of blow on the set.

I'm the anonymous casting director responsible for unleashing Jimmy Fallon onto the world.

I'm sorry.

I'm Gilly.

I'm sorry.

I'm Howard Shore and my All-Nurse Band.

My pal Lily helps me 'n' the band sing "St. James Infirmary."

Check out my piano player.

I'm the kiss-ass tell-all book about the show that mixes scandalous admissions with slobbering sycophancy and a glib dismissal of virtuall all sketch comedy that came before it.

virtuall = virtually

I'm a 7-minute sketch that's funny for only the first 20 seconds.

I'm Scientologist cast member Chloe Fineman.

R70 and I’m the desperately self-canonising and sadsack romantic framing into which Dan Aykroyd has placed his lifelong unrequited love for the late John Belushi.

I am formed out of equal parts autistic fixation and loneliness, self-regard, internalised homophobia, and pervasive Catholic guilt.

I'm Superstar, the only SNL themed movie worth watching.

Another resurrected 2014 thread.