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Let's pretend we're in a 1980s sitcom!

I'm one of the nosy neighbors, because barging into somebody's house when you're not wanted is a scream.

by Anonymousreply 444December 29, 2020 4:39 AM

I'm the case of hairspray used to make all the actresses hair big-Big-BIG!

by Anonymousreply 1July 7, 2014 7:20 AM

I'm the very special episode dealing with a sensitive topic.

by Anonymousreply 2July 7, 2014 9:27 AM

I'm the laugh track. Trust me, you would have NO idea what is funny if I wasn't around.

by Anonymousreply 3July 7, 2014 9:31 AM

I play "Mom" and I'm the 32yr old blonde actress supposedly married to "Dad" who is a 49yr old male actor. We'll often tell "our kids" the story of how we met in college. I'm also only ten years older than the actor playing my "teenage" son.

by Anonymousreply 4July 7, 2014 12:09 PM

I'm three year old twins who look nothing alike. I play the youngest child of this zany family and many episodes end with a closeup of my signature move - an exaggerated, precocious eye-roll.

by Anonymousreply 5July 7, 2014 12:14 PM

I'm a college guy of indeterminate Major, who is fortunately if inexplicably housed in some cake-eater's enormous basement, allegedly for the purposes of babysitting his hot model daughter...oh, and a couple other kids. Strange as this may seem, never once have I considered said model daughter anything other than jailbait--I prefer to double-date mature women with my wacky and naive Cloud-Cuckoo lander best friend in tow.

I go on plentiful dates in spite of my full time Nanny position and my enormous 80's degree course workload, and still find time to get into scrapes and escapades downtown, protest emergent women's rights issues, bolster community spirit, help juvenile felons get back on track, and crack wise at the misdemeanours of my young charges (and wonder if they really are related).

I adore my Ma, give girls I'm with all the time they need, I love my Boss and have a gentle exasperation with more or less everything.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 6July 7, 2014 12:37 PM

I'm the answering machine. Misinterpreted messages overheard by the wrong person and/or the entire room are routinely used as a plot device. Lazy writers of today miss me very much.

by Anonymousreply 7July 7, 2014 12:37 PM

I'm "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

by Anonymousreply 8July 7, 2014 12:41 PM

I'm the super catchy theme song. I'l also be obsolete in about twenty years.

by Anonymousreply 9July 7, 2014 12:44 PM

I'm the living room couch that everyone sits on, facing front, no matter what other furniture is around.

by Anonymousreply 10July 7, 2014 12:49 PM

I'm shoulder pads. Although I'm mostly known for my work on the popular evening drama Dynasty, I also do sitcoms. If you see a beaded, jewel-toned blouse, come say 'Hi'.

by Anonymousreply 11July 7, 2014 12:49 PM

I'm the campus "radical" at a traditionally African-American college. I wear purple-hued, wire-rimmed sunglasses and date the eccentric girl with the kooky hair, but I'm secretly in love with the black Southern belle!

by Anonymousreply 12July 7, 2014 1:06 PM

I'm "shreeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeek"

by Anonymousreply 13July 7, 2014 1:20 PM

I'm the one thing in the house that no viewer ever gets a look at. Care to guess? Why I'm a toilet, of course. No sitcom family then pee'd or poo'd or upchucked. It was a magical time.

by Anonymousreply 14July 7, 2014 1:29 PM

I am still too young to play the teenage daughter.

by Anonymousreply 15July 7, 2014 1:44 PM

I'm the garishly multi-colored Missoni-knockoff sweater, apparently worn by everyone regardless of gender, age, race & taste

by Anonymousreply 16July 7, 2014 1:46 PM

Related to R8, I'm "OOOOOOOOOHHHH"

I'm present whenever a sexy kiss happens, or suggestive dialogue takes place.

'Suggestive', here, is relative.

by Anonymousreply 17July 7, 2014 1:54 PM

I'm Joe Manganiello, and I'm afraid my existing contract made it impossible for me to star in this sitcom at the time.

Since the last episode of True Blood, however, I'm auditioning for the breakout role of the hot , shirtless next door neighbor/handyman.

by Anonymousreply 18July 7, 2014 1:57 PM

I'm a black person.

I'm both hilarious or the unexpected mentor to children. If I am a black child, then I am an unexpected mentor to adults. I am NOT a scary street dwelling drug dealer. No no no no no. That was the 70s.

by Anonymousreply 19July 7, 2014 1:57 PM

I'm Ted McGinley. Cast at your own risk.

by Anonymousreply 20July 7, 2014 2:02 PM

I am the toilet joke. Works every time.

by Anonymousreply 21July 7, 2014 2:02 PM

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

by Anonymousreply 22July 7, 2014 2:10 PM

I'm the dads on my two dads! We are not a gay couple, just two guys raising a kid together! Get that straight.

by Anonymousreply 23July 7, 2014 2:16 PM

I'm the awkward, unacknowledged homoeroticism the Bible-thumping stars will deny until either they die of alcohol poisoning or are caught sucking cocks at CPAC, whichever comes first.

by Anonymousreply 24July 7, 2014 2:18 PM

I am a brightly lit home. There are no shadows. You enter from the right and the kitchen is on the left. Sometimes vice versa.

by Anonymousreply 25July 7, 2014 2:19 PM

I'm the rough-around-the-edges neighborhood urchin. You can usually spot me in my sleeveless denim vest, finger-less gloves, and (if I'm a boy) a single dangling earring. Underneath my surly and aloof exterior, you will eventually discover that my parents are abusive/alcoholic/unemployed/absent. You will figure all this out AND fix me in 22 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 26July 7, 2014 2:19 PM

R23 I know. I've never played a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 27July 7, 2014 2:20 PM

I'm the dying or dead friend or relative who's only seen once (if you're lucky) and then whisked away to the Secret Sitcom Character Burial Ground while the main cast all boo-hoo their way to (what they are thinking will be) Emmy nominations.

by Anonymousreply 28July 7, 2014 2:22 PM

I am the hair stylist--my arms are tired.

by Anonymousreply 29July 7, 2014 2:22 PM

I'm a costume assistant on [italic]The Facts of Life[/italic]. I let out those goddamn school uniforms so many times, I can still feel the blisters!

by Anonymousreply 30July 7, 2014 2:29 PM

I am the eighties Mother with a CAREER (that I you never see me actually work on).

by Anonymousreply 31July 7, 2014 2:30 PM

I'm R8's younger cousin, "AWWWWWWWWWW!"

by Anonymousreply 32July 7, 2014 2:31 PM

I'm the quirky friend of the main character's best friend. I have a passive-aggressive relationship with the protagonist, and often engage in banter poking fun at the main character's personality.

The laugh track loves every one of my jokes.

by Anonymousreply 33July 7, 2014 2:31 PM

I'm the third-grade English teacher of the guy who wrote the lyrics to the [italic]Family Ties[/italic] theme song. What did I ever do to him to make him defy all rules of good grammar by writing a lyric like "And there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through"? It's a quadruple negative that starts with a conjunction and ends in a preposition and uses the word "ain't." The correct sentence should be, "Also, there is nothing through which we can't love each other."

by Anonymousreply 34July 7, 2014 2:32 PM

I'm the lack of muscle tone on any attractive but flabby young son of the sitcom's family

by Anonymousreply 35July 7, 2014 2:32 PM

I'm a fat blonde woman magically turning into a skinny redhead who wants to have a baby.

by Anonymousreply 36July 7, 2014 2:36 PM

I'm a social problem like alcoholism, rape, child abuse, or domestic violence. The laugh track thinks I'm HILARIOUS!

by Anonymousreply 37July 7, 2014 2:56 PM

I'm the plain Jane librarian who always wears a bulky unflattering schmata until that compassionate tv wife does a complete makeover on me and everyone finds a Jayne Mansfield look alike hiding beneath.The wife rues her mercy makeover once she sees hubby light up.

by Anonymousreply 38July 7, 2014 2:57 PM

I'm the "live" studio audience that's mixed in with the chuckles of now-dead people watching a 1953 filming of [italic]I Love Lucy[/italic]. Coincidentally, the plot is also borrowed from [italic]I Love Lucy[/italic], and the laughs are at the same jokes the writers took from [italic]I Love Lucy[/italic]. Yet paradoxically, we're doing Lucy better than Lucy was actually able to by this point.

by Anonymousreply 39July 7, 2014 2:59 PM

I

am

Bill

Cosby

by Anonymousreply 40July 7, 2014 2:59 PM

I'm the cute kid who will grow up to be a big bottom.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 41July 7, 2014 3:01 PM

I'm Ubu. Sha la la la

by Anonymousreply 42July 7, 2014 3:02 PM

I'm the very special anorexia episode.

by Anonymousreply 43July 7, 2014 3:05 PM

I'm a first-run syndicated sitcom that wasn't a cancelled network series first. Someone please watch me!

by Anonymousreply 44July 7, 2014 3:06 PM

I'm Chad Allen, pretending to be straight as two different one-shot characters three years apart on [italic]Punky Brewster[/italic] who both have crushes on her. Even then, people could tell I was actually gay.

by Anonymousreply 45July 7, 2014 3:08 PM

I am a Landers sister.

You have been warned.

by Anonymousreply 46July 7, 2014 3:10 PM

You don't scare me, R46.

by Anonymousreply 47July 7, 2014 3:11 PM

I'm the front door that is never locked.

by Anonymousreply 48July 7, 2014 3:13 PM

I'm Edna Garrett's inability to hold down a job for more than four years at a time.

by Anonymousreply 49July 7, 2014 3:14 PM

I'm the plane crash that took down Valerie Hogan. How ironic her husband was a pilot.

by Anonymousreply 50July 7, 2014 3:22 PM

I'm Suzanne Pleshette, telling Bob it was all a dream.

by Anonymousreply 51July 7, 2014 3:22 PM

I'm a writer for a present-day Disney Channel sitcom, reusing the same stories, jokes and laugh tracks.

by Anonymousreply 52July 7, 2014 3:30 PM

I'm the character that was integral to the first season, who suddenly disappears, and is never spoken about again.

by Anonymousreply 53July 7, 2014 3:37 PM

I'm Ray Don, wondering what this Sugarbaker bitch is screeching about. Fine, I get it, you don't want my company! You could at least be nice about it.

by Anonymousreply 54July 7, 2014 3:39 PM

I'm a super femmy male character or a really butch female character. The script has me dating people of the opposite sex but viewers at home know I'm gay!

by Anonymousreply 55July 7, 2014 4:02 PM

I can top that, R40.

I am Dr. William H. Cosby, Ed.D.

by Anonymousreply 56July 7, 2014 4:07 PM

We're the actually gay characters. Any time we show up, it must be sweeps.

by Anonymousreply 57July 7, 2014 4:10 PM

[quote]I'm the cute kid who will grow up to be a big bottom.

I'm the black woman who had a big bottom.

by Anonymousreply 58July 7, 2014 4:13 PM

I'm Edie McClurg.

by Anonymousreply 59July 7, 2014 4:18 PM

I'm one of the microchips that are here and there inside VICKI.

by Anonymousreply 60July 7, 2014 4:20 PM

I'm Nancy Reagan, telling the kids from [italic]Diff'rent Strokes[/italic] to Just Say No to drugs, a message obviously lost on Dana Plato when, ironically but unsurprisingly, she died from an overdose of [bold]legal[/bold] prescription drugs.

by Anonymousreply 61July 7, 2014 4:23 PM

I am the alarming number of orphaned children placed in dramatically unsuitable homes.

by Anonymousreply 62July 7, 2014 4:30 PM

I'm the very small train set in the house from [italic]Silver Spoons[/italic] that's nonetheless big enough and powerful enough to transport a grown man and a 12-year-old boy at the same time.

by Anonymousreply 63July 7, 2014 4:30 PM

[quote] I'm Suzanne Pleshette, telling Bob it was all a dream.

DAMMIT! You could have at least put SPOILER in your post!

by Anonymousreply 64July 7, 2014 4:31 PM

I am the oppressively beige living room who gets blasted by gusts of imaginary wintry wind because nobody ever has a fucking foyer.

by Anonymousreply 65July 7, 2014 4:34 PM

I'm a 45-year-old straight male Jewish writer trying to imagine what it's like to be a 15-year-old girl.

by Anonymousreply 66July 7, 2014 4:34 PM

I'm Michael Jackson, hanging out backstage on the set of [italic]Webster[/italic], and hoping to get inside his secret passages.

by Anonymousreply 67July 7, 2014 4:37 PM

I'm the episode when the characters go to a male strip club for no real reason.

by Anonymousreply 68July 7, 2014 4:37 PM

I'm the scene set in the "park," which consists of astroturf on the studio floor and a fake hedgerow badly covering up a backdrop.

by Anonymousreply 69July 7, 2014 4:41 PM

I'm scrunchies, leg warmers, bad perms and blush like war paint.

by Anonymousreply 70July 7, 2014 4:42 PM

I'm the 2-hour, laugh track-free TV movie that takes the characters to some foreign country and gets them involved in a stupid——even by their standards——espionage or heterosexual romantic subplot. But at least the network finally sprang for some real locations instead of those cheap, claustrophobic sets and actual film stock instead of videotape.

by Anonymousreply 71July 7, 2014 4:45 PM

I'm the "refrigerator light" romance between the leading man and woman: on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again....

by Anonymousreply 72July 7, 2014 4:47 PM

I am the precocious tyke added in an act of desperation during the fifth season as all the original child cast members have aged into an awkward adolescence or the college years. I will arrive via a new marriage or a dramatic yet hilarious birth episode and then age into a talking toddler over the summer.

by Anonymousreply 73July 7, 2014 4:48 PM

I'm Woody Harrelson's penis, visible to lucky audience members watching a "Cheers" taping when Ted Danson pantsed Woody.

by Anonymousreply 74July 7, 2014 4:51 PM

I'm the lovably disabled character the writers will have no idea what to do with and only bring on once a year out of guilt until my contract runs out. My episodes will always be the most awkward, the most heavy-handed, and the least funny.

by Anonymousreply 75July 7, 2014 4:55 PM

I'm the thin veneer of a plot-justifying excuse that allowed Peter Scolari to show off his juggling skills.

by Anonymousreply 76July 7, 2014 4:57 PM

[quote]I am Dr. William H. Cosby, Ed.D.

Never ever mention that his "dissertation" was on Fat Albert.

by Anonymousreply 77July 7, 2014 4:58 PM

I'm the high turnover of headmasters at Eastland Academy. With four headmasters in two years, no wonder they went out of business even though Blair gave up her law career to save that damn school.

by Anonymousreply 78July 7, 2014 5:02 PM

I'm Mayim Bialik's chai necklace hiding under layers of quirky.

by Anonymousreply 79July 7, 2014 5:06 PM

I'm the episode in which Monroe was kidnapped and raped by two fat women.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 80July 7, 2014 5:10 PM

I'm Alex P. Keaton's week-long addiction to speed. This still won't stop me from holding political office.

by Anonymousreply 81July 7, 2014 5:13 PM

I'm the person on the other end of the phone. I pick up on the first ring whenever a character calls and I'm always the person they are looking for.

by Anonymousreply 82July 7, 2014 5:16 PM

I'm the teenage friend of the family kids and I have a wacky name like Booger, Boner or Cockroach.

by Anonymousreply 83July 7, 2014 5:19 PM

[quote]I'm the teenage friend of the family kids and I have a wacky name like Booger, Boner or Cockroach.

How degrading.

by Anonymousreply 84July 7, 2014 5:25 PM

I'm the number of DUIs and liver transplants on [italic]Cheers[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 85July 7, 2014 5:31 PM

I'm Elyse Keaton dreaming of Michfest.

by Anonymousreply 86July 7, 2014 5:32 PM

I'm poverty. You can ignore me all you want with your low interest rates and your black doctors married to equally black lawyers, but 25 years from now I'll be back with a vengeance.

by Anonymousreply 87July 7, 2014 5:41 PM

I'm the celery that juts out of the top of the paper shopping bag. You know, the kind of bag with no handles? The kind you prop on your hip? Anyone?

by Anonymousreply 88July 7, 2014 5:41 PM

I'm a recycled script from either [italic]I Love Lucy[/italic], [italic]The Dick Van Dyke Show[/italic], [italic]The Mary Tyler Moore Show[/italic], [italic]All in the Family[/italic] or [italic]The Brady Bunch[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 89July 7, 2014 5:42 PM

I am the costume storage facility and I am filled to bursting with detachable shoulder pads. Men, women, and yes, tiny children all wear them under their suits, ugly graphic sweaters, and pastel onesies.

by Anonymousreply 90July 7, 2014 5:45 PM

We're the child star's greedy parents, hanging out backstage. As long as the money keeps flowing in, we don't think anything could possibly go wrong with our overindulgence. It's not like he'll turn into a criminal or a homeless bum or anything like that. No sir. Not our little star.

by Anonymousreply 91July 7, 2014 5:48 PM

I'm the used condoms on the dressing room floors at "Joanie Loves Chachi."

by Anonymousreply 92July 7, 2014 5:51 PM

I am the eating disorders plaguing the set of this hit show: the actresses playing the mother, both the teenage daughters, and the wacky neighbor, as well as the 20-something guy playing the eldest daugher's "hot" boyfriend all suffer from body dysmorphia, anorexia, or bulimia, or a combination of one of the above.

One of you will be dead by 1994 "after a short illness."

by Anonymousreply 93July 7, 2014 5:54 PM

I'm the actor on this show. 10 years after the show ends I'll either "find Jesus" or become an addict. Or both.

by Anonymousreply 94July 7, 2014 6:00 PM

I'm the mustard colored touch tone phone on the wall in the kitchen.

People often gather round me when someone's talking...their anticipation is often hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 95July 7, 2014 6:00 PM

I'm a fictional fast food restaurant created out of the inability to afford to use the likeness of a real one. If I'm not the site of an ill-advised birthday party, one of the younger characters will end up working here for exactly seven minutes.

by Anonymousreply 96July 7, 2014 6:01 PM

I'm the smart-smouthed tomboy character who will hide in the professional closet until menopause.

by Anonymousreply 97July 7, 2014 6:01 PM

I'm Norman Lear, cashing out while I still can.

by Anonymousreply 98July 7, 2014 6:04 PM

I'm the hilarious, eccentric '80s sweater. Anyone who wears me is instantly funny...& even I have shoulder pads sewn in.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 99July 7, 2014 6:04 PM

Give us a bigger hint, R93.

by Anonymousreply 100July 7, 2014 6:05 PM

I'm the 10 minutes of commercials the FCC will allow any hour. In the 1950s, I was 8 minutes, but 30 years from now I'll be up to 18 minutes and you'll all be ditching the networks and watching TV using technologies that don't exist now, bypassing commercials altogether.

by Anonymousreply 101July 7, 2014 6:05 PM

I'm the sinking feeling of advancing age that former fans get when they see the repeats on TVLand, where the show is marketed as "vintage" television.

by Anonymousreply 102July 7, 2014 6:06 PM

I'm the family station wagon. You never see me because no one ever goes outside.

by Anonymousreply 103July 7, 2014 6:08 PM

I'm wherever it is Rerun disappeared to after he left [italic]What's Happening Now!![/italic] over a salary dispute (again).

by Anonymousreply 104July 7, 2014 6:08 PM

We're Ryan Murphy and Seth MacFarlane, dropping the names of these shows in lieu of creating actually humorous dialogue or situations for our characters. We're also helping ourselves to a joke or two hundred.

by Anonymousreply 105July 7, 2014 6:10 PM

I'm pastels - and I'm everywhere.

On the furniture, on the wallpaper, on the floors, on cars, at school plays, on everybody's oversized sweaters and acid-washed jeans, ages 3 to 83.

by Anonymousreply 106July 7, 2014 6:12 PM

I'm Randy, the 30ish male makeup artist (everyone else in hair and makeup is female).

Cast members are nice enough to never comment on my weight loss and visible lesions, but I will take a leave of absence after one of the network suits takes a tour of the set.

I will be permanently replaced by Deb, a large straight female.

by Anonymousreply 107July 7, 2014 6:15 PM

What show had a mom, two teenage daughters and a wacky neighbor? Roseanne? But Jackie wasn't a neighbor. But Glenn Quinn died but not in 1994.

by Anonymousreply 108July 7, 2014 6:16 PM

We're the synthesizers and drum machines used in the theme song and incidental music. [italic]The Golden Girls[/italic] got a whole orchestra of strings and woodwinds and [italic]The Cosby Show[/italic] warrants a smooth jazz band, but we're stuck with some dope with a Casio that doesn't have 88 keys, and he can't even find the black ones!

by Anonymousreply 109July 7, 2014 6:17 PM

I'm

The Gift of the Magii

The Wizard of Oz

I Love Lucy

and

It's A Wonderful Life

and the premises of my plots will be lifted and used by every 80's sitcom to provide for a "very special" and oh-so cleverly hilarious and original episode.

Actresses who think of themselves as the 80's answer to Lucy because they are not scared of a pratfall (as long as it's done on their good side) will play her, actors WHO agree to renew contracts only if they are given an opportunity to show off dramatic chops will expect a Wondrful Life-type of script.

And cast children who were once in Annie or The Mickey Mouse Club will have a rider in their new contracts requiring one "school-play" episode where they get to sing whatever song they already know by heart. The non-singing kids in the cast will just have to put up with it by doing stage-hand honors or being a supportive audience.

by Anonymousreply 110July 7, 2014 6:20 PM

I'm the she-mullet, to which both Markie Post and Lisa Whelchel took a liking. I may have been sexy on men, but I made women look like Davy Crockett in drag.

by Anonymousreply 111July 7, 2014 6:20 PM

I'm the 2 minutes that gets cut from every episode in syndication. If you're lucky, I'll be back if and when the show comes to DVD.

by Anonymousreply 112July 7, 2014 6:22 PM

I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

by Anonymousreply 113July 7, 2014 6:23 PM

I am the "body wave" that enables many female mullets, along with Apollo VO5.

by Anonymousreply 114July 7, 2014 6:23 PM

I beg your pardon R114 but it's Alberto VO5,which I always thought would make a good alias. The last name would be "Vofive" pronounced "Vofeeve" Apollo Vo 5 would be a good title for a movie about hairdressers working for NASA.

by Anonymousreply 115July 7, 2014 6:30 PM

I am Ann Wedgeworth, Elaine Joyce, Theresa Ganzelle, Joyce Bulifant, Sam MacMurray, Luis Avalos, and that guy with the aviator glasses who always played a school teacher with the few extra pounds and the feathered hair (someone help me out here, I think he was one of Ann Romano's early boyfriends).

We will guest star in EVERY FUCKING sitcom of the 80's, but the closest any of us will come to getting a steady gig is when Sam MacMurray watches his colleague and cast member from The Tracey Ullman Show, Dan Castallaneta, rise to international 25-year stardom as Homer Simpson as he is left behind and out of that sweet gig just because the Ullman writers did not assign him a part in that Simpsons sketch and the Ullman show then gets cancelled.

by Anonymousreply 116July 7, 2014 6:37 PM

I'm Samantha Kanisky's excruciatingly off-tempo piano playing on [italic]Gimme A Break![/italic]. I was one of many factors in her father's untimely death.

by Anonymousreply 117July 7, 2014 6:43 PM

OK, I found him, sorry - Richard Massur

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 118July 7, 2014 6:45 PM

I'm the bowl of tranquilizers in the green room. I have been passed around, and refilled for years. I briefly worked in film...on the set of "Arthur."

by Anonymousreply 119July 7, 2014 6:48 PM

I'm the money tree that allows all these middle-class families to afford live-in help.

by Anonymousreply 120July 7, 2014 6:52 PM

I'm one of the dumpy sweaters Marla Gibbs has to wear on [italic]227[/italic] while Jackée wears tight cocktail dresses that show off her giant badunkadunk as she waves her Emmy in everybody's face.

by Anonymousreply 121July 7, 2014 6:57 PM

I am DUET on Fox, and I am the inexplicable fave of teen gay boys and lonely middle-aged women all over the country.

by Anonymousreply 122July 7, 2014 7:19 PM

I'm the Duet spinoff with Ellen Degeneres as the boy crazy receptionist.

Gay boys and middle aged white ladies are still sad when I disappear too.

by Anonymousreply 123July 7, 2014 7:23 PM

[quote] What show had a mom, two teenage daughters and a wacky neighbor?

Dammit Julie! Dmmmit Barbara! Dammit Schneider!

by Anonymousreply 124July 7, 2014 8:09 PM

Doesn't fit, R124 as one of them supposedly died in 1994.

by Anonymousreply 125July 7, 2014 8:14 PM

I'm the spin-off that gets cancelled after two episodes.

by Anonymousreply 126July 7, 2014 8:16 PM

pictures please R74

I love R67 and R68!

I can't think of one, except this that isn't really funny, the bright, overly lit sets they always had.

by Anonymousreply 127July 7, 2014 8:20 PM

I'm Judith Light's roots.

by Anonymousreply 128July 7, 2014 8:22 PM

I'm Dominique Deveraux fur stall.

by Anonymousreply 129July 7, 2014 8:25 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 130July 7, 2014 8:25 PM

I'm Shelley Long, leaving "Cheers" to become a huge movie star!

by Anonymousreply 131July 7, 2014 8:29 PM

I'm the tear jerking final show.

by Anonymousreply 132July 7, 2014 8:32 PM

I'm the credit sequence, where the cast members one-by-one spill food all over themselves, trip over chairs and have other gentle hilarious mishaps while looking at the camera with a combination of exasperation and amusement!

by Anonymousreply 133July 7, 2014 8:32 PM

I'm the famous guest star that makes a special cameo appearance.

by Anonymousreply 134July 7, 2014 8:34 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 135July 7, 2014 8:36 PM

For R133.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 136July 7, 2014 8:37 PM

I'm Mr T and its actually hard to believe that I use to popular.

by Anonymousreply 137July 7, 2014 8:38 PM

I'm the Shasta commercials.

by Anonymousreply 138July 7, 2014 8:46 PM

I'm Lauren Bacall's booming voice, extolling the virtures of "High Point Coffee".

by Anonymousreply 139July 7, 2014 8:47 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 140July 7, 2014 8:49 PM

I'm the pussy visible from behind.

by Anonymousreply 141July 7, 2014 8:51 PM

I'm TGIF, and I'm super family-friendly.

by Anonymousreply 142July 7, 2014 8:52 PM

I'm the child molester in a Very Special Episode. Not to disturb the viewing audience TOO much, I'll only molest the lead child character's best friend but not the main character himself.

by Anonymousreply 143July 7, 2014 9:15 PM

r107 your post made me tear up.

by Anonymousreply 144July 7, 2014 9:27 PM

"Whoa!!"

"Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?"

"Did I do that?"

by Anonymousreply 145July 7, 2014 9:29 PM

I'm the howls, cat calls and whistles that erupt from the live audience when two characters give each other the lamest of kisses.

I'm also "awwwwww" when two people hug.

by Anonymousreply 146July 7, 2014 9:33 PM

I am the show that lasted for four seasons that is still not out on DVD. I also have not been in syndication since the mid 1990s. Thus my fans are forced to upload videos taken from 30 year old VHS tapes to Youtube. Many Tubers comment about the shitty quality of my videos. They are taken from cheap 30 year old video tapes!! WTF do you expect?

by Anonymousreply 147July 7, 2014 9:35 PM

I'm the two inch gap between the studio floor and the set walls that belies the premise. I am visible in every long shot. I am especially pronounced on large set-pieces such as stairs and the dividing half-wall between kitchens and living rooms. Sometimes visible through me, the wheels that transfer the set-pieces from place to place groan softly, waiting for the teamsters.

by Anonymousreply 148July 7, 2014 9:35 PM

I'm the gay annoying next door neighbor named Monroe.

by Anonymousreply 149July 7, 2014 9:40 PM

I'm the nerdy kid next door who, in real life, would probably have a restraining order against him.

by Anonymousreply 150July 7, 2014 9:58 PM

I'm the lead character on the show's last episode. The living room is completely bare except for a wooden crate (no one has used wooden crates since the 50's) and some crumbled newspapers. I'm going to take one long last look, smile to myself, hit the light switch, and close the door.

Applause.

End credits.

Failed movie career to follow.

by Anonymousreply 151July 7, 2014 9:59 PM

I'm the pop singer being touted as a special guest star. I'm either on the way up or on the way down, usually the latter.

by Anonymousreply 152July 7, 2014 10:03 PM

I'm the obsolete videotape format used to record most of these shows, locking them in low-definition forever while shows shot on film now look better than ever thanks to HD. Happy now, Norman Lear?

by Anonymousreply 153July 7, 2014 10:09 PM

I'm the increasingly charmless theme song to "Alice"

by Anonymousreply 154July 7, 2014 10:23 PM

I'm the five unaired episodes of "Life with Lucy."

by Anonymousreply 155July 7, 2014 10:30 PM

I'm an old, straight, white, male executive holdover from the old regime at Disney, wondering if Walt would have allowed so many sex jokes on [italic]The Golden Girls[/italic]. But hey, at least we're making money again. The Jews were right all along!

by Anonymousreply 156July 7, 2014 10:38 PM

I'm the toothpick that killed Aunt Fran on [italic]Mama's Family[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 157July 7, 2014 10:40 PM

I'm the Casio Keytar that was used in an episode or possible story arc where the main teenage character forms a band with hilarious results. Sometimes the band will play a talent show or set up a fundraiser to save the local hang out. After several episodes myself (and the band) are never shown again.

by Anonymousreply 158July 7, 2014 10:44 PM

I'm the career Nell Harper could have had if she hadn't given it up to protect three white girls from their rageaholic, homophobic father.

by Anonymousreply 159July 7, 2014 10:44 PM

I'm the middle class. Remember me?

by Anonymousreply 160July 7, 2014 10:53 PM

I'm Mr. T. Tommy Reed, who's still in tears since I heard the news about Anthony Bouvier.

by Anonymousreply 161July 7, 2014 11:11 PM

I'm the landfill where all the Gillette razors Richard Moll used on his head are still slowly biodegrading.

by Anonymousreply 162July 7, 2014 11:13 PM

I'm the alcoholic character that is most likely an aunt or uncle. I am usually introduced around the holiday episodes and after I start to act a little strange one of the kids will find me passed out/drinking mouthwash. I may have ruined Christmas dinner but I promise to go to rehab and the kids have learned a valuable lesson about drinking.

by Anonymousreply 163July 7, 2014 11:21 PM

I'm the enormous house that the average middle-class family would NEVER be able to afford in real life.

by Anonymousreply 164July 7, 2014 11:23 PM

I'm the super-tight jeans that the hunk on the show always wears.

by Anonymousreply 165July 7, 2014 11:23 PM

I'm the one who hoots and hollers whenever the main character enters.

by Anonymousreply 166July 7, 2014 11:24 PM

I'm the hairdresser who made Susan Clark look like an adolescent boy in drag for six years.

by Anonymousreply 167July 7, 2014 11:37 PM

I'm papa bear Alex Karras, reaming Susan in the trailer but secretly dreaming of Bear Pride Weekend in P Town.

by Anonymousreply 168July 8, 2014 12:50 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 169July 8, 2014 12:58 AM

I'm the treacly piece of music that plays whenever and adult teaches one of the kids a "valuable life lesson".

by Anonymousreply 170July 8, 2014 1:19 AM

I'm the behind-the-set platform where the actors stand whenever they run "upstairs".

by Anonymousreply 171July 8, 2014 1:20 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 172July 8, 2014 1:29 AM

I'm New Wave. I provide lots of laffs when the teenage characters get dressed up all "New Wave" style and head out to see a wacky band!

"Dad, it's not the Purple Flaming Poodles, it's the Flaming Purple Poodles!"

* laff track *

by Anonymousreply 173July 8, 2014 1:55 AM

I'm the Member's Only jacket worn by Chachi. In "1965". Because the last time the writers of Happy Days gave a fuck was during the Carter administration.

by Anonymousreply 174July 8, 2014 2:03 AM

Along the lines of r174, I'm Joanie's early 80s poodle perm!

by Anonymousreply 175July 8, 2014 2:05 AM

I'm the doorway around which the three stars peek, one at a time, in totem-pole formation.

by Anonymousreply 176July 8, 2014 2:07 AM

I'm "Sidney Shorr", the first openly-gay character to have a sitcom centered around him. I'm played by the shockingly not-gay Tony Randall

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 177July 8, 2014 2:11 AM

I'm that show with Richard Crenna, Patty Duke and Helen Hunt.

by Anonymousreply 178July 8, 2014 2:15 AM

I'm the swinging kitchen door through which half a telephone conversation is overheard, leading to a major misunderstanding!

by Anonymousreply 179July 8, 2014 2:33 AM

I'm the 3-5 second pause in dialogue that occurs when the smirking,hot,feathered hair teenage son/neighbor/token bad boy bursts through the front door. I am required because of the deafening, thunderous applause and whistles of the audience.

by Anonymousreply 180July 8, 2014 2:53 AM

I'm a malapropism that sounds cute when spoken by Punky Brewster but sounded foolish and condescending when it came out of Archie Bunker's mouth. But Archie said it first.

by Anonymousreply 181July 8, 2014 3:02 AM

We're the midwestern WASPs who talk like old Jews from Brooklyn.

by Anonymousreply 182July 8, 2014 3:02 AM

I'm Corey Feldman wondering whose dick I have to suck to get off Madame's Place.

by Anonymousreply 183July 8, 2014 7:17 AM

I'm Ken Berry, slumming in first-run syndication for a paycheck only slightly better than what I'd make as a singing waiter. I was the star of a top ten hit for three seasons before the fuckers at CBS up and canceled us. Looks like another summer doing The Music Man in stock for me.

by Anonymousreply 184July 8, 2014 8:20 AM

I'm a courtroom scene that displays no knowledge of how a courtroom actually works and shows characters acting in a way that would get them thrown in jail for contempt of court.

by Anonymousreply 185July 8, 2014 8:44 AM

I'm the fat chick who somehow managed to score with the oldest son on [italic]Mr. Belvedere[/italic]. When you've got a hot body but a face like Goofy, I guess you take what you can get.

by Anonymousreply 186July 8, 2014 8:49 AM

[quote]I'm the lesbian subtext that surrounds Blair and Jo.

Anybody can read anything they want into that.

by Anonymousreply 187July 8, 2014 9:19 AM

[quote]I'm the "live" studio audience that's mixed in with the chuckles of now-dead people watching a 1953 filming of I Love Lucy. Coincidentally, the plot is also borrowed from I Love Lucy, and the laughs are at the same jokes the writers took from I Love Lucy. Yet paradoxically, we're doing Lucy better than Lucy was actually able to by this point.

I'm the "Uh oh!" followed by a chuckle that was supposedly Lucy's mother.

by Anonymousreply 188July 8, 2014 9:35 AM

I'm the homeless crackhead who had rough, passionate sex with with the dad from [italic]ALF[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 189July 8, 2014 9:39 AM

I'm Elaine Stritch, vainly hoping [italic]The Ellen Burstyn Show[/italic] makes up for me not getting to play Dorothy Zbornak.

by Anonymousreply 190July 8, 2014 9:43 AM

I'm the homeless crackhead who had rough, passionate sex with with the dad from [italic]ALF[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 191July 8, 2014 9:43 AM

I'm the blue jeans that are spray painted on the men like Allan Kayser and Gary Sandy.

by Anonymousreply 192July 8, 2014 10:41 AM

[quote] I'm Elaine Stritch, vainly hoping The Ellen Burstyn Show makes up for me not getting to play Dorothy Zbornak.

I'm Megan Mullally! The Ellen Burstyn Show was my first sitcom!

by Anonymousreply 193July 8, 2014 12:08 PM

[quote]I'm Megan Mullally! The Ellen Burstyn Show was my first sitcom!

Lovely.

by Anonymousreply 194July 8, 2014 3:52 PM

I'm Patty Duke, striking out twice in a row as the first woman President of the United States in [italic]Hail to the Chief[/italic] and as a cougar in [italic]Karen's Song[/italic], both of which died within 13 weeks while my son was still doing [italic]The Facts of Life[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 195July 8, 2014 3:52 PM

I'm Screech, and even I hate me, too.

by Anonymousreply 196July 8, 2014 3:54 PM

I'm the irony of a closet queen playing the deacon of a black church on [italic]Amen[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 197July 8, 2014 4:01 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 198July 8, 2014 4:31 PM

I'm the commercials for fast food, high-waisted jeans, and itchy crotch problems.

by Anonymousreply 199July 8, 2014 7:13 PM

R199, where's the beef?!

by Anonymousreply 200July 8, 2014 7:15 PM

You win!

I met Miss Peller, and she loved being a star. Unlike half the ingrates in Hollywood.

by Anonymousreply 201July 8, 2014 7:20 PM

I'm the fire that burned Edna's Edibles to the ground. A few months later, Henry Warnimont lost his photo studio to a fire on [italic]Punky Brewster[/italic]. Then, after they poached one of our producers, he opened a restaurant with an alliterative name: Punky's Place. Hmmm.

by Anonymousreply 202July 8, 2014 7:45 PM

I'm Sitcom Neurogenerative Disorder, the scientific explanation for why sitcom characters get progressively dumber and more psychopathic with the passage of each season. Famous SND sufferers include Gomer and Goober Pyle, Chrissy Snow, Vera Gorman, Rose Nylund, Mallory Keaton, Katie Kanisky, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Michael Scott, and the neighbor girl from [italic]Mr. Belvedere[/italic] who couldn't get his name right. Symptoms include general cluelessness, learning difficulties, inability to understand non-literal speech, and difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. Women who use henna rinse increase their risk of developing SND by 25%.

by Anonymousreply 203July 8, 2014 9:01 PM

Hi I'm Mark Hogan's big puffy hair. Blair Warner's hair and Richard Marx's hair had a child...and it's moi. My owner is definately a geek and a bit queeny but he supposedly likes the ladies.

by Anonymousreply 204July 8, 2014 9:18 PM

Hi I am Mark Hogan. In the early days of the show me and my brother Willie were played up as twins. But Willie hit his growth spurt and starting looking more like the Latino that he is so they stopped using the twins angle.

by Anonymousreply 205July 8, 2014 9:27 PM

I'm [italic]Brothers[/italic], that gay Showtime sitcom that should have gotten the credit and accolades [italic]Will & Grace[/italic] got.

by Anonymousreply 206July 8, 2014 9:29 PM

We're the original Fox sitcoms other than [italic]Married With Children[/italic]. Nobody remembers us.

by Anonymousreply 207July 8, 2014 9:36 PM

I'm the game show screening process. In real life, Nell Harper, Thelma Harper, Sondra Clark, Cliff Clavin and Dorothy Zbornak never would have made it onto any of these shows.

by Anonymousreply 208July 8, 2014 10:05 PM

I'm the most fabulous sitcom theme-song of the 80s, performed by a group of brassy Broadway belters!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 209July 8, 2014 10:25 PM

I'm one of the scars on Sonny Kreppel's fingers after having a piano lid slammed on them constantly.

by Anonymousreply 210July 8, 2014 10:28 PM

I'm the "also starring" credit or the "and" at the end, miles above the "costarring" credit if you can't be listed first.

by Anonymousreply 211July 8, 2014 10:33 PM

I'm the last-ditch effort to save [italic]Mork and Mindy[/italic] after ABC fucked with a Top 10 hit for no good reason whatsoever.

by Anonymousreply 212July 8, 2014 10:40 PM

R192 I wish I were you....

by Anonymousreply 213July 8, 2014 11:30 PM

I'm one of those weird, faux-quirky single-camera shows critics worship but audiences ignore. I'm ahead of my time, but by the time everyone realizes it, it'll be too late and some stupid Fox sitcom will get all the credit for "saving" the genre.

by Anonymousreply 214July 8, 2014 11:44 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 215July 9, 2014 12:00 AM

I play the eldest son. I was supposed to be a background character but my acne cleared up and I grew a foot between the first and second season. Now ratings have gone through the roofs thanks to hoardes of teenage girls and closeted teen boys watching our show religiously. All the story lines now focus around me much to chagrin of the rest of the cast. The geeky actress playing my sister can barely contain her lust which makes the whole family dynamic seem a little awkward.

by Anonymousreply 216July 9, 2014 12:01 AM

R 214..what about us?

by Anonymousreply 217July 9, 2014 12:03 AM

[quote]I'm the Cheers bar, where nobody is staggering drunk and nobody is smoking cigs

No one ever paid for a drink, either! No WONDER the place was always packed!

by Anonymousreply 218July 9, 2014 12:03 AM

I'm the obligatory second staircase in the kitchen!

by Anonymousreply 219July 9, 2014 12:04 AM

I just remembered NOBODY loved me....snif

by Anonymousreply 220July 9, 2014 12:04 AM

I'm gold and brass. I'm found in decor (to compliment either pale or garish color schemes) such as picture frames, lamps and fixtures, glass tables and chairs, and bric-a-brac.

I'm also a go-to fashion tone as seen by all of the gold jewelry galore, gold lamé elements worked into various attire ie, dresses, blouses and sweaters, and accessories including eye shadow, scarves and headbands.

I'd be remiss to not include the excruciating overabundance of lite jazz horns and sax wah-wah-wah droning that dominated theme and background music of the time. The 80s sure were brassy were they not?

by Anonymousreply 221July 9, 2014 12:06 AM

I'm the "oh so hilarious" Clint Eastwood tagline "Go ahead, make my day." that every sitcom employed at some point between 1984-92.

by Anonymousreply 222July 9, 2014 12:06 AM

I'm the vocal cord damage all those Julia Sugarbaker diatribes did to Dixie Carter's throat.

by Anonymousreply 223July 9, 2014 12:12 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 224July 9, 2014 12:13 AM

[quote]In 15 years, I'll be a drug-addled mental case with a police record.

Only 15 years? Amateur.

by Anonymousreply 225July 9, 2014 12:14 AM

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

by Anonymousreply 226July 9, 2014 12:23 AM

I'm the kidney disease that made Gary Coleman so cute and cuddly as a child but short, freaky, bitter and sexless as an adult.

by Anonymousreply 227July 9, 2014 12:27 AM

I'm the synthesizer that updated the theme songs of The Facts of Life and Diff'rent Strokes for a mid-80s world.

by Anonymousreply 228July 9, 2014 12:45 AM

I'm the eBay auction where R228's synthesizer is going for pennies on the dollar while modern computer software can recreate all those synths credibly for even less.

by Anonymousreply 229July 9, 2014 12:53 AM

I'm the obviously autistic bore who posted that.

by Anonymousreply 230July 9, 2014 12:54 AM

I'm the high school locker R226/R230 got shoved into, proving some school bullying "victims" actually deserve what they get.

by Anonymousreply 231July 9, 2014 12:57 AM

I'm that little engraved piece of brass plate dedicated to r231 as employee of the month.

I await the day DL dispenses similar awards for those of us who have mastered trolldar.

by Anonymousreply 232July 9, 2014 1:05 AM

[quote]I'm Joe Manganiello, and I'm afraid my existing contract made it impossible for me to star in this sitcom at the time.

[quote]Since the last episode of True Blood, however, I'm auditioning for the breakout role of the hot , shirtless next door neighbor/handyman.

Joe, are you lost, dear? You weren't working during the 80s, and [italic]True Blood[/italic] certainly wasn't in production then. My... perhaps you truly [italic]are[/italic] as dumb as they say.

by Anonymousreply 233July 9, 2014 1:12 AM

I am the witlessness, ableism and general unpleasantness that makes one wonder why R226/R230/R232 even bothers to go on living.

by Anonymousreply 234July 9, 2014 1:14 AM

I'm a recurring character who got fired over a goddamn haircut. If I wanted to reinforce 1950s mores, I might as well have gone on the [italic]Mickey Mouse Club[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 235July 9, 2014 1:14 AM

I'm French-cut thong leotards hiked up against colorful tights, accessorized with leg warmers and head bands. All cute girls and millions of extras wear me while hardly breaking a sweat during the mandatory aerobics scenes sprinkled throughout every show.

I'm also tight short shorts on guys. Please bring me back!

by Anonymousreply 236July 9, 2014 1:17 AM

I'm one of the unconvincing fat suits on the special guest stars that makes them look like Madea's cousins.

by Anonymousreply 237July 9, 2014 1:19 AM

I'm NBC. I started the decade as a joke but by mid-decade I was #1 and had almost all of these must see shows. Thank you, Brandon Tartikoff.

by Anonymousreply 238July 9, 2014 1:20 AM

I'm the big change that will occur around season 5 when ratings start to erode. It may be a move to a new city, major cast upheaval, or a baby. It inevitably won't work and will later be referred to as the jump the shark moment.

by Anonymousreply 239July 9, 2014 1:25 AM

I'm Saturday prime time. You don't want to come here.

by Anonymousreply 240July 9, 2014 1:33 AM

I'm everyone who laughs at r234

by Anonymousreply 241July 9, 2014 1:34 AM

Really, r240?

by Anonymousreply 242July 9, 2014 1:37 AM

I'm ABC. I was number one ten years ago, but now I'm at a race to the bottom with a declining CBS. How did I manage to lose ground to R238?

by Anonymousreply 243July 9, 2014 1:39 AM

I'm the nerdy boy/girl desperately in love with the main character. No matter how many times I am insulted, it just makes me double my efforts to win his/her love. Hilarious!

by Anonymousreply 244July 9, 2014 1:40 AM

I'm the young female lead who works for a magazine@!!!!

by Anonymousreply 245July 9, 2014 1:43 AM

I'm the goofy horny neighbor boys who watch cable scrambled porn

by Anonymousreply 246July 9, 2014 1:43 AM

I am the extensive opening credits, lasting up to five minutes (or longer for larger casts), accompanied by a signature song or theme. I will soon be a thing of the past and you'll have to figure out which unknown actor belongs to which face in some other manner.

by Anonymousreply 247July 9, 2014 1:48 AM

I'm Andrew "Dice" Clay playing one of Willis Jackson's bullies. This is the only thing I've ever done that won't provoke multiple triggers.

by Anonymousreply 248July 9, 2014 1:49 AM

I'm Rosie O'Donnell, putting a large Southern black woman out of work for what won't be the last time.

by Anonymousreply 249July 9, 2014 1:51 AM

I'm the bonafide pop star or group du jour who just happens to make an appearance (or the teen characters crash a rehearsal, or encourage some nobodies to follow their dreams, or sneak backstage after a concert on a dare, etc, etc, etc) and hilarity (and screams from the studio audience) ensues.

I/we will invite the teens to sing with me/us [bold]or[/bold] in a fast forward epilogue kind of thing, I/we thank them for our new success (as the main teen, his/her entire family, and his/her teen friends are at the kitchen table crowded around a radio. Snort!).

by Anonymousreply 250July 9, 2014 1:58 AM

I just saw an r250 plot on the Phil Spector episode of I Dream of Jeannie.

Sad -- in the olden days, he looked like a mere media suit...

by Anonymousreply 251July 9, 2014 2:09 AM

I am Cocaine (note the capital). I'm everywhere and I'll destroy more than a few careers, both in front of, and behind, the camera.

by Anonymousreply 252July 9, 2014 2:17 AM

I'm Sam Whipple, who plays the stoner son "Terry" on the forgotten ABC sitcom "Open All Night". Practically the only person who watched the show was Sean Penn, seeing as he completely ripped my act to play "Spicoli".

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 253July 9, 2014 2:19 AM

I'm Molly Ringwald, fired after the first season of "The Facts Of Life". I'll turn out to be a bigger star (figuratively, anyway) than any of those bitches.

by Anonymousreply 254July 9, 2014 2:22 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 255July 9, 2014 2:22 AM

We're the pushing-fifty sitcom moms, becoming pregnant in a last-ditch effort to boost our shows' sagging ratings.

by Anonymousreply 256July 9, 2014 2:25 AM

I'm that weird-ass [italic]Punky Brewster[/italic] episode where they were all in the cave and a freaky monster tried to turn them and Vincent Schiavelli into giant blocks of stone. This was really scary when you were five, but now it's more like proof of how primitive early video graphic technology was and what happens when you give sitcom writers acid.

by Anonymousreply 257July 9, 2014 2:27 AM

[quote]I'm Molly Ringwald, fired after the first season of "The Facts Of Life". I'll turn out to be a bigger star (figuratively, anyway) than any of those bitches.

Excuse me?

by Anonymousreply 258July 9, 2014 2:27 AM

I'm Kirk Cameron! I'm a Christian and I won't let you forget it! If you aren't moral enough I'll get you fired!

by Anonymousreply 259July 9, 2014 2:29 AM

I'm Wendy Malick playing a conceited, smug yuppie office manager type the main character(s) have to contend with in order to resolve some problem. When all is said and done, Ms. Yuppie bitch sitting in her office throne will be put in her place with a verbal smack down and/or become victim to some sort of embarrassing pratfall.

by Anonymousreply 260July 9, 2014 2:34 AM

We are the viewing audience wondering where the hell our brain cells went and seemingly helpless to do anything about it.

by Anonymousreply 261July 9, 2014 2:44 AM

R259's not kidding. I'm a former PA from [italic]Growing Pains[/italic]. Kirk Cameron had me fired because I said "goddammit" after he stepped on my toe.

by Anonymousreply 262July 9, 2014 2:45 AM

We're the 1990s sitcoms that make these shows look like [italic]The Taming of the Shrew[/italic] in comparison.

by Anonymousreply 263July 9, 2014 2:47 AM

Actually, I have been everywhere since the 1960s and never have and never will go away, despite what you may have read in the press.

by Anonymousreply 264July 9, 2014 2:48 AM

[quote]Cue: Diabolical laughter

Ah yes, button #5.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 265July 9, 2014 2:52 AM

[quote]I'm that show with Richard Crenna, Patty Duke and Helen Hunt.

R178? A-fucking-HEM!

by Anonymousreply 266July 9, 2014 3:04 AM

I'm a bored frau in Michigan launching a letter-writing campaign against [italic]Married with Children[/italic] instead of just turning off the TV or watch something else instead, like sane people do when they see something they don't like on TV.

by Anonymousreply 267July 9, 2014 3:38 AM

I'm the show "E/R". Not the one that starred George Clooney; the OTHER one, the funny one from the 80s that starred George Clooney.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 268July 9, 2014 4:29 AM

I'm the pointless final season of [italic]Laverne and Shirley[/italic] that Cindy Williams and Michael McKean weren't even in. They were too lazy to change the name of the show to reflect that fact; even [italic]McMillan and Wife[/italic] bothered to do that after Susan Saint James left.

by Anonymousreply 269July 9, 2014 4:31 AM

I'm the ghost of Wendie Jo Sperber. If you ever needed a smart, sassy, funny "big girl", I was the one to call.

by Anonymousreply 270July 9, 2014 1:56 PM

I'm Thomas L. Miller, the antichrist incarnate, dumbing down yet another generation of American children with a mix of terrible jokes, trite stories and secularized Christian propaganda and calling it "TGIF."

by Anonymousreply 271July 9, 2014 8:18 PM

I'm whatever was considered edgy back then. Don't look for me here, and don't bother thinking that what was "edgy" then is anything but dated and offensive now.

by Anonymousreply 272July 9, 2014 8:18 PM

I'm the Christmas episode. If I'm not a grim story about a thief dressed as Santa, a homeless person, or a main character getting laid off, I'm either a remake of [italic]It's a Wonderful Life[/italic] or a modernization of [italic]A Christmas Carol[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 273July 9, 2014 8:21 PM

Speaking of The Hogan Family, who was responsible for and/or OK'd this photo session for Danny Ponce?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 274July 11, 2014 9:45 AM

Danny Ponce is the perfect choice to play Rob Kardashian in "Tatoos & Tamales: The Rob Kardashian Story"

by Anonymousreply 275July 11, 2014 11:58 AM

I'm the character actor. You'll see me pop up on many shows but you'll never know my name. I may even be on the same show later on as a different character. For instance, I played Mr. Ha Ha and a plumber on The Golden Girls. Look for me later as a suicidal Santa on Growing Pains. I turn to drama roles in the 90s directing Brandon Walsh and Lydia Leeds on Beverly Hills 90210.

by Anonymousreply 276July 11, 2014 12:12 PM

I play a young teen sister. I was hired for my resemblance to one of the actors playing my parents. I was NOT hired for my good looks or acting talent, of which I have neither. My entire purpose for six straight seasons is to act as though I'm annoyed by my hot TV brother. I will demonstrate my annoyance by planting my hands on my hips and shouting all my lines. After the show ends I will do two made-for-TV movies where I will overact my heart out as a troubled teen and then promptly disappear forever from your screens and your minds.

by Anonymousreply 277July 11, 2014 1:03 PM

I am a future multiple Oscar, Golden Globe, SAG, Peoples Choice and Emmy winner, one day I'll be honored with the American Film Institute Life Achievement Award and have a Star on the Walk of Fame.

I begin my illustrious career in film here, playing a transvestite opposite a fellow thespian whose most valuable skill set is his juggling ( as noted up-thread)

by Anonymousreply 278July 11, 2014 2:51 PM

I'm a suave, A-list actor who is a perpetual bachelor and has dated a string of beautiful ladies. I got my start in one of these things, but everyone seems to forget that!

by Anonymousreply 279July 11, 2014 2:53 PM

oops forgot the link...

R278

by Anonymousreply 280July 11, 2014 2:53 PM

[quote]I begin my illustrious career in film here, playing a transvestite opposite a fellow thespian whose most valuable skill set is his juggling ( as noted up-thread)

"I did give my fellow thespian a bit part in a small but very popular movie I produced (THAT THING YOU DO)"

HEY! Do not talk about my snokums like that.

by Anonymousreply 281July 11, 2014 2:56 PM

R278,

(sheepishly) aw shucks folks, my assistant is having a bad day, she seems to have come down with yet another black eye... must have walked into that door again. (chuckling , grinning like an idiot)

Here is the long awaited link to my previous posts.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 282July 11, 2014 2:57 PM

[quote]I'm a suave, A-list actor who is a perpetual bachelor and has dated a string of beautiful ladies. I got my start in one of these things, but everyone seems to forget that!

There are a couple of you, none perpetual, though (if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend you're not a bachelor).

by Anonymousreply 283July 11, 2014 2:59 PM

I'm the delusional attempt to block out social reality. During these sunny 'Morning in America' Reagan years, jobs, the social safety net, working-class living standards will all be ferociously attacked. The industrial part of the country will turn into the rust belt, family farms will be destroyed, and inner city neighborhoods will decay. The financializaion of the economy will create a series of on/off bubbles, the boom parts of which will paper over what's really going on somewhat, and allow people to buy into me(the whole thing will collapse in 2008 but that's way in the future so who cares).

But on TV 90% of everyone is blandly yet comfortably middle or upper-middle class, or vaguely classless. Once in a while a very special episode about homeless people or something will be done but that will just be a syrupy morality play.

At the end of the decade Roseanne will knock me off my pedestal...slightly. But I just make a comeback in the mid-90's, only this time instead of cutesy middle-class families, I'm a bunch of sexy, fun, classless single young people living in fancy appartments.

by Anonymousreply 284July 11, 2014 4:17 PM

I'm the wacky, shit-stirring, long-lost family member from abroad who comes to visit and has the least authentic accent ever.

by Anonymousreply 285July 11, 2014 6:24 PM

I'm the combination of camera and make-up tricks required to make that thing on Ted Danson's head look like hair.

by Anonymousreply 286July 11, 2014 7:46 PM

I'm the word "retarded." I'll be used in a non-ironic, non-derogatory context in a Very Special Episode.

by Anonymousreply 287July 11, 2014 7:48 PM

I am the Orange color that pervades everything

by Anonymousreply 288July 11, 2014 9:17 PM

I am Idaho, the gem State.I am the only state to have never been the setting for any American television program.

A title I still hold to this very day.

I seethe at this insult with bitter angry resentment and boiling tensions like a Gem State Baked Potato about to explode in a microwave.

by Anonymousreply 289July 12, 2014 1:19 AM

I'm Patricia Neal waxing poetic of Anacin tablets.

by Anonymousreply 290July 13, 2014 6:00 AM

I'm a rapidly deteriorating Lucille Ball, wondering what I did to make my fans turn on me. Gary should have talked me out of doing [italic]Life With Lucy[/italic] while he had the chance.

by Anonymousreply 291July 13, 2014 11:32 AM

I'm the island of Mypos. If you think I'm real, don't be ridiculous!

by Anonymousreply 292July 13, 2014 11:34 AM

[quote]I'm Patricia Neal waxing poetic of Anacin tablets.

Who needs that crap? Bufferin's where it's at, baby! Boo-yeah!

by Anonymousreply 293July 13, 2014 11:35 AM

Maine?

The Dakotas?

New Mexico?

by Anonymousreply 294July 13, 2014 2:26 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 295July 13, 2014 4:07 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

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by Anonymousreply 296July 13, 2014 4:10 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

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by Anonymousreply 297July 13, 2014 4:12 PM

[quote]Maine?

Drop dead in Cabot Cove and I will solve your murder.

by Anonymousreply 298July 13, 2014 4:14 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

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by Anonymousreply 299July 13, 2014 4:15 PM

R294, other TV series set in Maine include Dark Shadows, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, and the current Under the Dome.

by Anonymousreply 300July 13, 2014 4:17 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

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by Anonymousreply 301July 13, 2014 4:18 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

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by Anonymousreply 302July 13, 2014 4:20 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

And of course, this wouldn't be DL without...

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by Anonymousreply 303July 13, 2014 4:23 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

Or...

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by Anonymousreply 304July 13, 2014 4:26 PM

[quote]I'm the band, play, singing group or girl group that will be spoofed (poorly) by the gang for some benefit performance or in the home living room on a special dinner/ocassion.

Or...

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by Anonymousreply 305July 13, 2014 4:28 PM

OK, R305, we get it. You can stop now.

by Anonymousreply 306July 13, 2014 4:30 PM

The weirdest thing about TV in the 80s was people just walking through the door. I can understand people not in cities not locking their doors, but people would still knock before entering.

by Anonymousreply 307July 13, 2014 4:31 PM

[quote]I'm the smart-smouthed tomboy character who will hide in the professional closet until menopause.[/quote]Are you twawkin' about me? I oughta punch ya lights out and dump ya body in the East Rivah!

by Anonymousreply 308July 13, 2014 11:19 PM

I'm Larry and this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl.

by Anonymousreply 309July 13, 2014 11:53 PM

I loved It Takes Two, starring Patty Duke, Richard Crenna, Helen Hunt and Anthony. The show that had the kitchen set that eventually became the kitchen set for the Golden Girls.

by Anonymousreply 310July 14, 2014 12:36 AM

I liked it too r310 but as I recall the old lady got most of the attention.

by Anonymousreply 311July 14, 2014 12:43 AM

r311 yes Billie Bird very funny. A prelude to the Sofia character on Golden Girls.

by Anonymousreply 312July 14, 2014 2:46 AM

We're the mooching relatives who stay for a week while eating all the main characters' food, sleeping in their living room in our underwear (by the way, we're fat) and forcing you to watch a boring slide show of our last vacation. Hilarity ensues when the father launches into a screaming tirade and throws you out.

by Anonymousreply 313July 14, 2014 4:17 AM

I'm the amount of remorse Cliff and Claire Huxtable felt for yelling at Theo after they learned he had dyslexia.

by Anonymousreply 314July 14, 2014 4:19 AM

I'm the "you do our show, we'll do yours" arrangement between [italic]227[/italic] and [italic]Amen[/italic] that finds the women from the former show dressed as the Pointer Sisters and singing "Jump (For My Love)" to special guest star Sherman Hemsley. I'm also the commercial for Bounce that uses that song, which will air between acts 1 and 2.

by Anonymousreply 315July 14, 2014 4:22 AM

We're Buzz and Sonia. We got written out when MAMA'S FAMILY was re-tooled for first-run syndication. Our careers never recovered.

by Anonymousreply 316July 14, 2014 5:06 AM

I'm the big, scary child molester whom the main characters will laugh about after I go to jail. Talk about your suppressed traumas. I'll be out by the time boy bands become a thing, so watch out!

by Anonymousreply 317July 14, 2014 2:28 PM

I'm the 10-second speech that convinces a never-to-be-seen-again special guest star not to commit suicide.

by Anonymousreply 318July 14, 2014 2:45 PM

I'm the gay-coded character from season 1 who got bumped down to recurring status by The Network, who's interfered with this show enough already. Thank God for [italic]The $100,000 Pyramid[/italic] or I'd be on food stamps.

by Anonymousreply 319July 14, 2014 2:54 PM

I'm the cast member who will come out of the closet 20 years from now!

by Anonymousreply 320July 14, 2014 3:49 PM

I'm a song that got cut from the DVD to save some money, even though I'm integral to the plot.

by Anonymousreply 321July 14, 2014 4:11 PM

I'm a single camera, for some reason no one wants to use me. What's so special about three cameras? Don't they realize how cheap it looks? Feh!

by Anonymousreply 322July 14, 2014 4:45 PM

I'm one of the smug, mean-spirited, equally outdated attempts at parodying the form that, paradoxically, are even less funny than the shows they're making fun of, proving Mel Brooks' adage "you can't parody what you don't love" correct.

by Anonymousreply 323July 14, 2014 6:01 PM

r323 you are an idiot. I'd hardly call this thread mean-spirited. It's all in good fun

by Anonymousreply 324July 14, 2014 6:31 PM

I'm the housekeeper nobody can afford but everybody keeps around for comic effect. I'm the real brains of the operation.

by Anonymousreply 325July 14, 2014 6:41 PM

I'm the "all hugs, all learning" philosophy, pre-Seinfeld.

by Anonymousreply 326July 14, 2014 6:43 PM

I'm Tina Yothers.

by Anonymousreply 327July 14, 2014 6:48 PM

Aww, I love this thread and I love you guys. Group hug, everybody!

by Anonymousreply 328July 14, 2014 7:12 PM

I'm all the tv movies that the sitcom stars appeared in. I was usually about a shocking real-life crime.

by Anonymousreply 329July 14, 2014 7:20 PM

HEY. What about me?

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by Anonymousreply 330July 14, 2014 7:37 PM

[quote]I'm the housekeeper nobody can afford...Tony Danza

Actually, Judith Light's Angela was rich, so she could afford Tony.

by Anonymousreply 331July 14, 2014 10:22 PM

R330: That show ran mostly in the 1990s. And nobody seriously believed that a 15-year-old could skip enough grades and get enough education to pass the boards and become a world-class surgeon, and even back then no one believed NPH was straight, either.

by Anonymousreply 332July 14, 2014 10:38 PM

I'm the writers' successful attempt to undermine an emotional scene by shoehorning in a joke during the Act II climax.

by Anonymousreply 333July 14, 2014 10:39 PM

We're the syndicated talk shows and court shows and the pointlessly expanded local news broadcasts that started hogging all the slots on local stations, making it harder and harder for off-network reruns to compete.

by Anonymousreply 334July 14, 2014 10:42 PM

And therefore what, R332? Or were you just needing to cunt?

by Anonymousreply 335July 14, 2014 10:53 PM

I'm all the hilariously up-to-the-minute news references that make [italic]Murphy Brown[/italic] such a hit among media navelgazers.

by Anonymousreply 336July 14, 2014 10:56 PM

"And nobody seriously believed that a 15-year-old could skip enough grades and get enough education to pass the boards and become a world-class surgeon, and even back then no one believed NPH was straight, either"

All my straight friends were legitimately shocked that NPH was gay.

by Anonymousreply 337July 15, 2014 12:50 AM

I'm the girl who came in second in the [italic]Annie[/italic] movie casting search but got cast as an orphan instead. What, me bitter? Who says I'm bitter? No, I'm not bitter and FUCK YOU for saying I am. I more than made up for that snub by being the voice of Lucy van Pelt in a couple [italic]Peanuts[/italic] specials and playing a girlfriend to one of the Hogan boys on [italic]The Hogan Family[/italic], while that Quinn girl they did cast had to give up a sitcom pilot because she got stuck in a seven-year contract with Columbia for a crappy sequel that didn't get made until the 1990s when she was too old to do it. Come to think of it, I got the better end of the deal.

by Anonymousreply 338July 15, 2014 1:13 AM

I’m, like - rad, bitchin’, tubular, gnarly, ... and TOTALLY awesome!

by Anonymousreply 339July 15, 2014 5:19 PM

I’m the regulation 20-year cycle required by every decade to bring back retro fads. The eighties were about reviving the sixties, hence the flat peasant boots (i.e. go-go boots), mini-skirts, bold accessories, big hair (and all the chemistry required to keep it like that) so characteristic of the 80's and its sitcoms. t

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by Anonymousreply 340July 15, 2014 5:21 PM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 341July 15, 2014 6:00 PM

We're never too fat for shoulder pads!

by Anonymousreply 342July 15, 2014 9:24 PM

I'm the hot daughter in dark blue skin tight Jordache jeans with a gold chain belt.

by Anonymousreply 343July 15, 2014 9:47 PM

I'm the kooky next door neighbor who's always stopping by to borrow something. I think this is my big break, but soon I'll be selling jewelry on QVC.

by Anonymousreply 344July 15, 2014 10:12 PM

I'm gonna become a die hard freeper troll when this show is cancelled and my career ends!

by Anonymousreply 345July 16, 2014 2:20 AM

I'm the even longer version of the theme song that will never be heard unless it's lucky enough to get released as a single that will crash and burn on the charts.

by Anonymousreply 346July 16, 2014 2:25 AM

I'm Bonnie Urseth playing three different characters in three different episodes of [italic]Gimme A Break![/italic], including one who used to be played by Helen Hunt. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference.

by Anonymousreply 347July 16, 2014 2:34 AM

We're Joyce DeWitt, Priscilla Barnes, Don Knotts, and Richard Kline, barely containing our glee as "Three's A Crowd", the spinoff tailored for John Ritter--ONLY John Ritter--miserably tanks.

by Anonymousreply 348July 16, 2014 2:49 AM

I'm Carroll O'Connor's bank account, the main reason for the existence of [italic]Archie Bunker's Place[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 349July 16, 2014 2:53 AM

We're the live studio audience of "Life With Lucy", crying when we're supposed to be laughing.

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by Anonymousreply 350July 16, 2014 3:00 AM

I'm one of Michael J. Fox's nervous tics. Little does the public know that I'm actually a symptom of early onset Parkinson's Disease.

by Anonymousreply 351July 16, 2014 3:19 AM

I'm whatever it is Mr. Drummond's company actually did so he could afford that Manhattan penthouse. I have no clue, either.

by Anonymousreply 352July 16, 2014 5:12 AM

I’m Jenny Lewis, an attractive natural redhead girl who was a much better actress than all child actors of the 80’s. I was cast in numerous shows and was a guest star in a million others, plus starred in a few Lifetime movies and feature films. But, alas, I watched as Leo DiCaprio, Tobey McGuire, Mac Caulkin, Elijah Wood, Marisa Tomei, Anna Chlumsky, Anna Paquin, Kirsten Dunst, and Christina Ricci became huge stars while I was the relatively unknown “go-to” actress for when they needed a smart, clear-speaking girl who could be funny and tear up, all in one take.

What did I do wrong?

Fuck, I was even in “Life With Lucy”

by Anonymousreply 353July 19, 2014 6:13 AM

[quote]I'm the even longer version of the theme song that will never be heard unless it's lucky enough to get released as a single that will crash and burn on the charts.

Some fared pretty well – I’ll list just one for each decade:

Makin’It

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I’ll Be There For You

... then the new millennium thankfully saw theme song popularity decline, in favor of instrumental fragments.

by Anonymousreply 354July 19, 2014 6:16 AM

I'm Motown, a huge source of inspiration for many hairbrush holding, towel-wearing, shower singing charcters, and the premise - at around $30,000 a pop - for the opening credits of one of the decade's most "innovative" and awarded shows, which unfortunately hasn't dated well with the passage of time.

by Anonymousreply 355July 19, 2014 6:21 AM

[quote]I'm whatever it is Mr. Drummond's company actually did so he could afford that Manhattan penthouse. I have no clue, either.

White slavery, operating out of Venezuela. Kimberly wasn't his child, just a girl who once knew what was good for her. You'll recall that he sent her off to Eastland but she never arrived there.

by Anonymousreply 356July 19, 2014 6:21 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 357July 19, 2014 6:24 AM

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 358July 19, 2014 6:29 AM

I'm what Willis was talking about.

by Anonymousreply 359July 19, 2014 6:33 AM

I'm a mullet lacquered into place with a conspicuous amount of gel.

by Anonymousreply 360July 19, 2014 6:34 AM

I'm pink, dusty pink, coral, fuscia, peach, rose, antique rose and gray. We are as prevalent in the decor as green and orange were on the 1970s.

by Anonymousreply 361July 19, 2014 7:34 AM

I'm Greg Bradford and I'm way too attractive to be dating Blair.

by Anonymousreply 362July 20, 2014 12:14 AM

I'm Parker Lewis.

I can't lose.

I also have interesting shirts, and two formulaic sidekick buddies.

by Anonymousreply 363July 20, 2014 6:08 PM

I'm a bike shop.

Come in here, and get molested.

by Anonymousreply 364July 20, 2014 6:09 PM

[quote]I'm Blair, getting the funniest feelings whenever I see Jo riding her motorcycle. Wow, she sure looks great on that! What is this? What's wrong with me? Should I talk about about this with Mrs. Garrett? No, no I shouldn't.

And YOU said I was strange because I liked touching and hugging girls?

by Anonymousreply 365July 22, 2014 4:31 AM

[quote]What did I do wrong?

You kidnapped my teddy bear, held him for ransom and cut off his ear, you evil little b-word! They've kicked girls out of the Sunshine Cadets for less than that.

by Anonymousreply 366July 22, 2014 4:34 AM

I'm Nell Harper's piece of the cake. What happened to me? She ate me and my entire family.

by Anonymousreply 367July 22, 2014 4:44 AM

I'm the Jewish actor playing an Italian character, since no main characters on TV shows can be Jewish. Because of people like us, an entire generation of TV watchers will think Italians and Jews are totally interchangeable.

by Anonymousreply 368July 22, 2014 4:46 AM

[quote]I'm the Jewish actor playing an Italian character, since no main characters on TV shows can be Jewish. Because of people like us, an entire generation of TV watchers will think Italians and Jews are totally interchangeable.

What was I, chopped liver? That would be really good right now. Especially on a matzo square.

by Anonymousreply 369July 22, 2014 4:49 AM

I'm the awkward camera angles and contrived prop placements they used to hide Phylicia Rashad's baby bump.

by Anonymousreply 370July 22, 2014 4:55 AM

[quote]I'm Shelley Long, leaving "Cheers" to become a huge movie star!

I'm the last episode, in which she said hello again to her former co-stars.

by Anonymousreply 371July 22, 2014 5:20 AM

I'm the preppy, teenage valley girl, all decked out in a double layer of dual-colored (fuscia and lime green) Ralph Lauren polo shirts, sleeves rolled up (twice), tight calvin klein jeans, page boy haircut.

I'm pouting because my parents would buy a convertible VM Rabbit for me! (I said I wanted a WHITE one!)

by Anonymousreply 372July 22, 2014 5:08 PM

Good one, r366!

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by Anonymousreply 373July 22, 2014 5:57 PM

"I'm the preppy, teenage valley girl, all decked out in a double layer of dual-colored (fuscia and lime green) Ralph Lauren polo shirts, sleeves rolled up (twice), tight calvin klein jeans, page boy haircut."

I'm the evil preppy guy who hangs out with the valley girl! I make fun of the nerds and I have feathered blonde hair. I love IZOD.

by Anonymousreply 374July 22, 2014 6:05 PM

I'm a veteran writer for one of these shows. I was around during the switch from black-and-white to color. Ten years from now, I will be removing the show for which I won multiple Emmys from my résumé so I can still get a job in a town that actively discriminates against those over 40.

by Anonymousreply 375July 26, 2014 4:37 PM

I'm the cheesy crossover with the formerly respectable [italic]St. Elsewhere[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 376July 26, 2014 4:41 PM

[quote]I'm what Willis was talking about.

No, I am!

by Anonymousreply 377July 26, 2014 4:45 PM

You think you've got problems? I didn't get re-hired when they brought back [italic]Charles in Charge[/italic] in syndication. Let it the fuck go already, R338.

by Anonymousreply 378August 7, 2014 3:22 PM

[quote]I'm the evil preppy guy who hangs out with the valley girl! I make fun of the nerds and I have feathered blonde hair. I love IZOD.

I'm usually played by Val Kilmer, James Spader, or Ted McGinley if the show is on its way out.

by Anonymousreply 379August 7, 2014 5:30 PM

I'm the woodwork out of which Bill Cosby's victims are coming.

by Anonymousreply 380November 23, 2014 1:00 AM

I'm "Seein' Double"!

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by Anonymousreply 381November 23, 2014 10:27 AM

[quote]I'm the big, scary child molester whom the main characters will laugh about after I go to jail. Talk about your suppressed traumas. I'll be out by the time boy bands become a thing, so watch out!

Except by then you'll have changed your name to "Lou Pearlman."

by Anonymousreply 382March 22, 2015 1:58 PM

Did Too Many Cooks originate on a DL thread?

by Anonymousreply 383March 24, 2015 9:55 PM

[quote]Did Too Many Cooks originate on a DL thread?

No, but if you told me some of the writers or animators on [italic]Bojack Horseman[/italic] were taking a peek at this thread, I wouldn't be surprised.

by Anonymousreply 384April 13, 2015 7:15 AM

I'm the uncomfortable feeling you get looking back at your old childhood crushes since you're older now than they were then.

by Anonymousreply 385April 13, 2015 7:32 AM

[quote] I'm Edie McClurg.

I'm the magic briefcase of cash NBC used to lure you away from [italic]Small Wonder[/italic] and onto that Sandy Duncan and Jason Bateman show that came on after [italic]ALF[/italic]. That'll teach 'em to name your character's husband after me. Do you think I give a damn that they named him Brandon Brindle and made him into a social-climbing ass who mistreats his daughter, who is one codependent relationship away from becoming a domestic violence statistic, and takes all the credit Blondie McClosetqueen, who had all the actual talent for robotics, deserves because I turned down your show and went on to be one of the decade's biggest hits in first-run syndication? As your character might say, no no-no no No NO! Having a hit in first-run syndication is like being the most valuable player on the Cleveland Indians. Ten years after you go off the air, cable's gonna be where it's at and I'm gonna be dead and you'll be one of the only two people still working. I saw to that personally. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

by Anonymousreply 386October 17, 2015 10:29 PM

I'm the artist the Keatons hired to paint their family portrait. And when they have another baby, did they bother giving me a call? Nope! They hired a photographer instead! Steven Keaton may have a bleeding heart, but his wallet is another matter altogether.

by Anonymousreply 387October 28, 2015 11:34 PM

[quote] I'm the "all hugs, all learning" philosophy, pre-Seinfeld.

I'm Shoshanna Lonstein, the 17-year-old girl who he was hugging at the time.

by Anonymousreply 388April 22, 2018 4:16 PM

I'm an actor/thespain on this show and I was meant to do bigger and better things but age and showbusiness have not been easy on me. I signed up because I need some financial stability at 45+ so that's the only (and I do mean the only) reason I took the job. I outsmart everyone on this show and look down upon everything and everyone.

by Anonymousreply 389April 22, 2018 5:40 PM

I'm the one episode long "health kick" a character will go on. I will involve jogging around the family house, a celery stick being loudly crunched into, and preposterous workout outfits including ankle warmers. I will be abandoned by the end of the episode when said character finds themselves unable to the resist the temptation of some unhealthy food.

by Anonymousreply 390December 9, 2019 7:46 AM

I'm the statute of limitations. I'm the only thing keeping Scott Baio out of jail.

by Anonymousreply 391December 10, 2019 2:26 AM

I’m Mindy Cohn as Eastland’s resident lovable chubby gal Natalie Greene, enjoying the only meaningful work I’ll ever get as an actress.

by Anonymousreply 392December 10, 2019 2:48 AM

R392 never saw [italic]The Boy Who Could Fly[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 393December 10, 2019 2:52 AM

I'm the fat jokes that would never be allowed today.

by Anonymousreply 394December 10, 2019 7:56 AM

I'm the generic muzak used for an event -- prom, party, benefit -- because someone didn't want to pay for the right to an actual song.

by Anonymousreply 395December 10, 2019 7:58 AM

I'm the first season made at the tail end of the '70s in which the family house is all dark wood and harvest gold.

I'm the final season made at the close of the '80s in which the family house is almost blindingly bright: light wood, white wicker, and pastel.

by Anonymousreply 396December 10, 2019 8:00 AM

I'm the normally sassy character not allowed to say 'Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Nancy," when Nancy Reagan appears.

by Anonymousreply 397December 10, 2019 8:01 AM

I'm the actor who negotiated an annual TV movie into my contract. You might see them on IMDb and ponder at the titles -- Saving Alice, The Last Bride in America, and Making Time -- but they haven't been watched since they first aired.

by Anonymousreply 398December 10, 2019 8:06 AM

I'm the 'WOOOOOOO!" when a normally frumpy young female character makes a reveal after getting a makeover by another character(s).

by Anonymousreply 399December 10, 2019 8:07 AM

The swing door into the kitchen.

In the opening credits the mother character may pause after pushing me open while carrying a basket of laundry and give an earnest smile to the camera.

by Anonymousreply 400December 10, 2019 8:08 AM

I'm the obligatory breakfast: a mug of coffee, a newspaper, and a very teeny glass filled with orange juice.

I am always unrushed and enjoyed by all characters at the same time as an very bright sun shines in.

by Anonymousreply 401December 10, 2019 8:10 AM

I'm a taped over VHS used either for jokes or as a plot device.

by Anonymousreply 402December 10, 2019 10:33 AM

I'm the homophobia of the spamtroll at R393 - R402 from the Amy Klobuchar thread that showed how all those Very Special Episodes on the subject changed fuck all:

[quote]Is Amy Klobuchar about to break out? She's a homophobe because she's erased Pete's sexuality and called him privileged. Ok, dyke, at R11.

by Anonymousreply 403December 10, 2019 11:22 AM

R394 I mean

by Anonymousreply 404December 10, 2019 11:22 AM

I'm the one-shot gay character calling out a lead or supporting character for acting homophobic with an Emmy-baiting speech. I'm usually intelligent, well-dressed, and articulate. If I'm a man, then rarely if ever am I a mincing, prancing queen, and if I'm a woman I'm almost always a Lipstick Lesbian. Even if I seem like a product of my time, I'm still less embarrassing than anyone or anything on [italic]Will & Grace[/italic], the background noise to a lost gay generation.

by Anonymousreply 405December 10, 2019 11:40 AM

I'm the driver's ed episode.

by Anonymousreply 406December 10, 2019 11:54 AM

[quote]I will be abandoned by the end of the episode when said character finds themselves unable to the resist the temptation of some unhealthy food.

Well, the pool party is on Sunday this year.

by Anonymousreply 407December 10, 2019 12:00 PM

We’re the FCC-imposed limits on the amount of commercials on prime time network TV slowly decreasing, taking minutes away from your favorite shows before you even know they’re gone. By the end of the century, shows will be three minutes shorter on average than they are in this decade.

by Anonymousreply 408December 10, 2019 12:04 PM

I am the teenage character who already had a date when he/she accepted another one. I'm a surprisingly common plot device for some reason.

by Anonymousreply 409December 10, 2019 12:06 PM

I’m R407 and R409’s ignoring the lack of indication that I care.

by Anonymousreply 410December 10, 2019 1:58 PM

I'm the chronic illness forgotten about after one episode.

by Anonymousreply 411December 10, 2019 2:00 PM

I’m the laugh track going wild for violence against women.

by Anonymousreply 412December 10, 2019 2:14 PM

I'm attempts to seriously address societal issues, so common to '70s sitcoms, now completely abandoned.

by Anonymousreply 413December 10, 2019 2:18 PM

I'm the plastic cups full of liquor the adult actors are guzzling in between takes. Hey, it's a paycheck.

by Anonymousreply 414December 10, 2019 2:28 PM

R401. I’m the alternative to the relaxed breakfast. I’m the Dad blowing through the kitchen, grabbing a muffin and taking a messy bite, newspaper under one arm, work bag hanging on shoulder, while the casual eaters feign alarm. I am directed to do a 360 turn while grabbing the car keys and then I tornado out, stage right.

Then one of the “sassy” kids says, “5-4-3-2-1” and Dad rushes back in and gives mom a peck on the cheek. Then exits again.

by Anonymousreply 415December 10, 2019 2:29 PM

I'm the awful dialogue they have to say that justifies R414.

by Anonymousreply 416December 10, 2019 2:30 PM

We are the sponsors. We can no longer control shows outright like we could in the 1950s and 1960s, but we can still do damage in other ways. We can ask them to keep black characters on the back burner on a show where the lead is white, and don’t get too attached to any gay character who passes through the main characters’ front door. And as for Jews, you already got Rhoda and Natalie, you actually want more? Aren’t Italians good enough for you people?

by Anonymousreply 417December 10, 2019 2:35 PM

I'm everything Valerie Cherish didn't understand on Room and Bored, based on her experience on I'm It!

by Anonymousreply 418December 10, 2019 2:50 PM

We are the second verse and bridge of “Thank You For Being a Friend“ that aren’t used on [italic]The Golden Girls [/italic] because they send the opposite message about aging as the show.

by Anonymousreply 419December 10, 2019 3:11 PM

I am the heavy-handed, sanctimonious, and only intermittently funny at best anti-drug episode that flies in the face of actual scientific evidence, especially if cannabis is involved.

by Anonymousreply 420December 10, 2019 3:12 PM

I'm the fuggo youngest kid, who looks like an abortion that somehow crawled out of the trash can. A stark contrast to the actor/actress playing the drop-dead gorgeous older sibling.

by Anonymousreply 421December 10, 2019 3:17 PM

I’m a stereotypical sitcom mom, complete with a chunky knit sweater and teased bangs

by Anonymousreply 422December 10, 2019 4:31 PM

I am the Internet. I barely exist and only on a very small scale mainly used by government entities as seen on an episode of [italic]Benson [/italic]. Enjoy the state of affairs while it lasts, America!

by Anonymousreply 423December 10, 2019 5:27 PM

I'm the Gimme A Break episodes where Nell Carter is clearly flying high on coke.

by Anonymousreply 424December 10, 2019 5:30 PM

I'm Frances Lear, Norman's husband, calling my divorce lawyer after learning my husband is partly responsible for Tony Danza getting another show after [italic]Taxi[/italic] was cancelled.

by Anonymousreply 425December 10, 2019 5:44 PM

I’m one of the women who abducted and raped Monroe Ficus. Ficus didn’t want to fuck us. It was too close for comfort in the rape van and now we have the AIDs.

by Anonymousreply 426December 10, 2019 5:55 PM

[quote]Will & Grace, the background noise to a lost gay generation.

What in the hell does this even mean?

by Anonymousreply 427December 10, 2019 6:05 PM

It means they said nothing and did nothing as a generation of gay people was slowly being erased through chemical sterilization.

by Anonymousreply 428December 10, 2019 6:11 PM

Um,ok r428. Let the orderlies escort you back to your padded cell now.

by Anonymousreply 429December 10, 2019 6:21 PM

Homophobic AND ableist? You proved not only does that show suck but its fans are bigoted trash. Now you know why people are nostalgic for the 1980s: it didn't exist yet.

by Anonymousreply 430December 10, 2019 6:23 PM

R429 be like

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by Anonymousreply 431December 10, 2019 6:25 PM

I'm the errant tough kid (but really it's just a protective veneer; I have a heart of gold) being taken in.

by Anonymousreply 432December 10, 2019 6:28 PM

I'm the empowered businesswoman, nothing like the old sitcom females of the '50s and '60s, I work for a living!

Although you will never actually see me working.

by Anonymousreply 433December 10, 2019 6:29 PM

I'm the 'kids say the darndest things!' moment.

I don't really work though as the young child actor playing me is too knowing.

by Anonymousreply 434December 10, 2019 6:31 PM

I'm the handsome teenage star we all had a crush on -- now a Trump supporter.

by Anonymousreply 435December 10, 2019 6:33 PM

I'm the subtly progressive ideas about sexual stereotypes that have been replaced by even more retrogressive ones than the ones from the 1950s and 1960s they were trying to get rid of.

by Anonymousreply 436December 10, 2019 6:35 PM

I'm the token upstanding black neighbor or co-worker. I will never be fleshed out.

by Anonymousreply 437December 10, 2019 7:02 PM

[quote]I'm the normally sassy character not allowed to say 'Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Nancy," when Nancy Reagan appears.

Except he was and he did.

by Anonymousreply 438December 10, 2019 7:05 PM

I'm the fake brick wall in an alley scene where the kids get lost in NYC. I'm covered in spray-painted graffiti that's meant to look menacing, but is in no discernible style and features G-rated words like "Body Poppin'," "Kilroy Wuz Here," "Suzy + Jeff," and "RAP!".

by Anonymousreply 439December 10, 2019 10:21 PM

The painfully obvious backlot trying to pass for NYC. Perhaps a yellow cab will divert the eye so the eight inch sidewalk curb that exists nowhere in NYC won't be noticed.

by Anonymousreply 440December 10, 2019 10:36 PM

I'm the camera pulling back on a close-up of what the family is having for dinner tonight.

by Anonymousreply 441December 10, 2019 10:42 PM

I'm the little girl whose death inspired a very special episode of [italic]ALF[/italic].

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 442December 29, 2020 4:30 AM

I'm the commercial with a catchy jingle.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 443December 29, 2020 4:38 AM

[quote]The painfully obvious backlot trying to pass for NYC. Perhaps a yellow cab will divert the eye so the eight inch sidewalk curb that exists nowhere in NYC won't be noticed.

A shiny checker with all the wrong stickers.

by Anonymousreply 444December 29, 2020 4:39 AM
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