What if Barbra had done The Exorcist?

"Pazuzu ... WAIT!"

In Israel, Father Lankester Merrin (Max von Sydow) discovers a small statue of Yentl Mendel, a monstrous demon in the form of a man, falcon, serpent and lion. Merrin suspects Yentl, whom he defeated many years ago, will return. In Georgetown, Washington D.C., actress Chris McNeil (Ellen Burstyn) begins noticing strange and frightening behavioral changes in her daughter Regan (Linda Blair) such as constant swearing and abnormal strength. When medicine fails, Regan is given a few unpleasant tests, but X-ray results prove "negative" much to the confusion of the doctors. In reality, Regan is now possessed because of a Ouija board by Yentl, who pretended to be her imaginary friend "Avigdor."

"Does she hafta stab huhself in her pyunim?"

Barbra never would agreed to the role without script changes.

You think she'd let a damn priest be the hero at the end? She'd make the demon leave by singing a song about self-esteem to it, and once the daughter was restored to sanity she'd tell her mother how beautiful she is.

That is completely unimaginable.

Are you under the impression that Barbara is an actress, OP?

I can't stop laughing after picturing Barbra singing the theme song. It'd probably be some dumb shit like "The Demon Behind Your Eyes."

She'd never allow herself to be seen with the blood of her daughter vagina all over her face, especially if it was on her "bad" side.

The entire set would have to be beige.

She would explain to Pazuzu that all its problems were from not aerobicizing enough, and that it would have to help chubby little Regan lose weight to become truly beautiful and happy. Pazuzu would not listen to her, but Father Damien would look at Barbra with new eyes and realize he'd been wasting time with the church and his memories of his mother. They'd go off to the Greek isles together, leaving ungrateful Regan/Pazuzu gnashing its teeth in fury.

"My Exorcist, My Love" (1973)- Barbra Streisand stars as Cassaundra Neilstein, an internationally renowned actress/singer, in Washington D.C. with her daughter Sofi to film "Regeneration" a student protest musical. When Sofi (Lisa Gerritsen) begins to talk like a dybbuk, Cass seeks the help of a conflicted Rabbi (Elvis Presley, in his final role)- and love blooms. Also starring Zero Mostel as Rabbi Lipschitz and Totie Fields as Sharon. Barbra sings: "No Way, Yahweh"; "Autumn Leaves"; and "Come Inside Me, Daemon!". Directed by Franco Zeffirelli.

She'd reason that all Reagan needed was a blonde rinse and a home perm for her predicament to change for the better.

Oy, you can't throw up in a wastebasket LIKE A POI-SUHN?

[quote]I can't stop laughing after picturing Barbra singing the theme song. It'd probably be some dumb shit like "The Demon Behind Your Eyes."

[italic]Brilliant[/italic] Barbra 70s song title. LOL!

I never heard anywhere that Barbra Striesand was considered for the role of Chris MacNeil. Sachi Parker says in her memoir that her mother Shirley MacLaine was offered the role, but didn't take it because her agent said the script was awful (it won an Oscar). The character of Chris MacNeil WAS inspired by MacLaine, who was a friend of William Peter Blatty's.

Barbra Streisand WAS considered a leading contender for the role of the slutty dingbat Isadora Wing in the film version of Erica Jong's smutty "Fear of Flying." Thankfully, that movie, which would have been the story of a dumb twat (she's highly educated but an idiot) who runs out on her husband to be with a repulsive British jerkwad who farts in public and calls her "ducks", never got made.

You'll have a devil of a time when you head down to the cinema to see the screen's latest lavish all-singing, all-dancing musical about demonic possession: BARBRA STREISAND'S THE EXORCIST. Full of toe-tapping tunes like, "Demons (Demons Who Need Demons), "On a Clear Day You Can See Pazuzu", "Second Hand Ouija", "Herewdy, Captain Howdy" and, "Mother, Have I Told You Lately That You're Beautiful?" and more! You'll be spitting pea -green if your neighbors see it first!

Demons,

Demons who eat people…..

They tried to use me for the Voice of the Demon but Barbra shit her pants every time she heard me.

And I wasn't even doing the voice yet.

Fucking early afternoon calls.

She would demand a love interest. A love interest played by Michael Blodgett or John Phillip Law.

I can't say no one else could've played the part but Ellen but she certainly made it her own. I really can't imagine Barbra having to do some of the scenes Ellen had to do. It would have changed the whole dynamic of the film. Fun fact-Audrey Hepburn was open to doing the role but only if it was filmed in Rome. Can you imagine sweet Audrey swearing or filming the bloody crucifix scene?!

Lee J. Cobb's character would have been too scared to ask for that autograph.

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL! (1973)

In this screwball comedy, Tondelayo Turteltaub (Barbra Streisand), an extremely sensual cat burglar, becomes possessed of the meddling, quarrelsome, Yiddish-accented Pazuzu (Bibi Osterwald) during a museum heist gone wacky! Can the dishy Father Quinn O'Lonergan (Edward Albert) divest her of this highly annoying spiritual presence? Co-starring Judy Pace as Wangero X. Kwashiorkor, Tondelayo's Afro-American revolutionary best pal.

Oh, noooo!

My daughter-- has taken the crucifix and RUuu-iiined it!

It's terrrrrrrible!

The Exorcised

In this high concept film, made in 1973 by the director Alejandro Jodorowsky, it tells the story of a woman's struggle to accept the demon living inside her daughter. Very daring for its time, the film used a non-linear method of storytelling, with the opening scene showing the triumphant expulsion of the demon, played by Barbra Streisand, from a young girl's broken body. Additionally, all dialogue is in American Sign Language, technically making this a silent movie.

Satan can you hear me?

No. She would have been terrible. She is not a good dramatic actress and the combination of her star presence with horror special effects would have been disastrous. Ellen Burstyn made that movie believable by completely underplaying the role of a famous actress whose daughter was possessed by the devil. Barbra does not have that skill set, and people would focus on Barbra and not believe the movie at all.

Is it too late for the Bergmans to craft some lyrics for "Tubular Bells" ?

"Ellen Burstyn made that movie believable by completely underplaying"

I must have watched the director's cut

Well she would've been ideal if they wanted to do a comedic version of it. Not that Barbara can't handle drama, but she really excels at comedy. And when comedic actors are miscast, they often turn the role comic unintentionally. That's the only way I can envision her in this movie.

Remember this classic Barbra track from the Faye Dunaway 'horror' film Eyes of Laura Mars?

She would have wanted Jason to play Kitty Winn's role.

"Hans, we have rats in the attic. Or is it my pal Anne Frank? Get it, Hans?"

Barbra Striesand never considered doing The Excorcist. She might have been offered it along with Jane Fonda and the handful of top box office actresses of a certain age. But she never considered it.

Remember horror films were very risky and this one had all the earmarks of a career ending disaster.

Dunaway, Fonda, they all turned it down. The real reason MacLaine turned it down had to do with her growing interest in New Agey stuff and thought the film misrepresented the unseen. She felt conflicted about a movie she did a year or so before "The Possession of Joel Delaney" and didn't want to do the Exorcist because of her beliefs. She was also pissed they didn't come to her first.

Fonda was insulted by the offer, Faye Dunaway refused to finish reading it. They went far down the list before they offered it to Burstyn who was in a unique position to negotiate a few things she never would have gotten because she was the only viable choice willing to do it.

Turned out to be the absolute right choice as the film wouldn't have worked without her.

Burstyn is really good in the film. She's probably the most underrated living American actress--she gave so many excellent performances besides her Oscar-winning one for Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (this, Resurrection, W., Same Time Next Year, Requiem for a Dream...)

I tahhhhhhned eeeeetttt dowwwwwwwn?

Someone post her STAR WARS screentest.

wouldnt matter the child was the star, then the young priest or psychologist or whatever he was. Anyone could have played the delusional mother and it wouldnt have affected the movie

Faye Dunaway channeling Joan Crawford would have been hysterical on The Exorcist! Or, even better , the divine Theresa Russell giving us shades of her Wild Things ritch bitch.... I miss my daughter too father karrass! she didn't have to let pazuzu possess her soul!

The devil would look like Roslyn Kind.

It's hard to think about an actress who has received an Oscar for Best Actress, a Golden Globe, a BAFTA, three Emmies, a National Review Board Career Achievement Award, a NY Film Critics CIrcle award, and many others - for various performances - as the "most underrated living American actress."

At least for those of use who do not reside in East Hyperbole CIty, Alabama.

[quote] Anyone could have played the delusional mother and it wouldnt have affected the movie

Edith Massey IS Chris McNeil!

I'm sure Audrey Hepburn turned the role down before she even read the script because I can't possibly imagine her accepting a role like that. She once said the only film she regreted turning down was The Turning Point so she either hated The Exorcist or knew she would be totally miscast in it.

And I love this thread, by the way! More Babula jokes, please!

R1 wins.

I can't picture Streisand in any sort of horror film like "The Exorcist." I don't think she'd have done it.

Jen Aniston as Chrissie MacNeill in "The Devil Makes Two" as go getting career gal, single mom and widow finds herself in a quandary when daughter Raigana (Bindi Irwin) starts showing signs of demonic possession (quoting any rand, watching angelina jolie films). Chrissie turns to tortured priest Fr Hemlock (Adam Sandler) etc etc

I can just imagine Barbra's humorous grimace when he daughter urinates on the floor in front of her guests.

Previous posters are right, in the end it would had to have been a showdown between Barbra and Satan. Though she probably would've had a torrid affair with Jason Miller.

So it's the splat-ter

We will remember

Whenever he dismembers

The wailing girl!

Regan would have come to a stoney end.

Actually, Jane Fonda could have been brilliant in the role. Ellen Burstyn owns it, but of everyone mentioned, JF is the only other one I can imagine doing it.

Okay now, so think of "Tubular Bells" in your head...now slow it down by about half, and hum/sing it using "di-di-di-di-dah " like a klezmer song....

I believe Jane turned it it down by saying it was capitalist garbage. I do think she's the only one who could have pulled it off besides Ellen. Audrey would have been fun to see, though. Something about the world's sweetheart getting her face smeared with her daughter's vaginal blood and shoved across a room is making me laugh.

Ellen was still kinda unknown at the time, so there wasn't this big movie star stigma attached to her, so the film could keep the realism. With Jane, Barbra, or Audrey the audience would have been too focused on seeing a movie star slum it in this naughty movie instead of being able to take in the film by itself.

[quote]Making water on the floor like a Kalbah! You made like a Klafte, Regan! What possessed you???? Bist meshugeh????

[quote]I'm calling Rabbi Merrinski!!

The audience would have been rooting for Satan.

She'd grow the fingernails on her index fingers to 4" in length so that she'd always have a crucifix at the ready.

Unless Mandy Patinkin plays the demon, this would be lame.

She would want script changes, also have a song inserted midway in the movie perhaps a lullaby to coax the evil spirit, listening to her singing (screaming)...that spirit would be long gone from that household.

I think Barbara Walters would be a better choice.

Love to see this as a musical with Babs!

She is GREAT at comedy, and she could totally pull this off...just alter the storyline a bit.

C'mon Babs, those awful Ben Stiller movies and this last mess with Seth Rogan, you can do so much better!

"Oy-vay, Reagan, who is this Captain Howdy? Can he sing People?"

STOP PEEING ON THE RUG!

I'd have been rooting for Satan.

"What A Lovely Day For An Exorcism" (1973)- Barbra Streisand dazzles as pop star Christee Maxx, whose kid (Mackenzie Phillips) starts speaking in tongues. Wedding singer-turned-Priest Damie (Alice Cooper)- having a crisis of faith- attempts to reach the child through the Ouija board, but all hell breaks loose when they get sucked inside! She travels to Rome for a private conference with the Pope (Isaac Hayes) to be declared a Lay Sister so she can eradicate a demon. Songs include: "Witch Doctah"; "Noises In The Attic"; "This Bed Is Shakin'"; "Come Into Me"; "It Burns!" and "Oy Vey, Maria". Also starring Tina Turner as Sharon. Directed by Ken Russell.

Doreen Goldstein is a sexy, ravishingly beautiful, successful psychiatrist who you wouldn't believe has a daughter (she's so young and hot-looking!). They both move into an old house to escape an unspoken trauma. There, all the men who see Doreen fall madly in love with her, but her daughter starts behaving strangely...

After realizing that she is not jealous of her ravishingly beautiful mother and many medical tests, they come to the conclusion that it's demonic possession, brought about by the unspoken trauma. So they call an old rabbi and a hunky stud who pretends to be Catholic, but is secretly Jewish and already planning his wedding with ravishingly beautiful Doreen.

Over green-faced scares, frozen bedrooms and vomit projectiles, they fall in love and Doreen confessess the unspoken trauma to him - she was a leftie who got blacklisted for being so beautiful and smart! Then, Doreen realizes that tolerance and love are the best medicine, and sings the film's theme song to the demon: "My Mem'ries Belong To Your Heart"

Mem'ries of an ancient, ancient tiiiiiiiimmeeeee Wild, demonic, evil mem'rieeeees Of the way you were Tender moments that you're sharing with me nooooow Oh, I'm beautiful, I KNOW it Yes, we must go there AGAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!

Poor Pazuzu realizes the error of his ways and leaves the body of her daughter, making sure that he thanks ravishingly beautiful Doreen. Then the daughter wakes up and says "oh mommy, you're so beautiful and you got me a new daddy! We're a perfect family!" before a tender group hug.

Then there's a voiceover in which Pazuzu, flying through the air, says that he now knows the meaning of life and love and happiness and that, as he travels across the globe, a name keeps motivating him to be the best he can be: "Goldstein, Goldstein, Goldstein..."

It would have been a film as Oscar worthy as The Mirror Has Two Faces and The Prince of the Tides!

Fatha my dawhter's bed was moving up and down. It was like a demon or somethum.

Pazuzu, can you hear me?

Chris MacNeil: Would you like a nice glass' Manischewitz, father?

Father Merrin: Well, my doctor says I shouldn't but thank God my will is weak.

Chris MacNeil: So long as your stomach is strong. I haven't opened this bottle since Pesach.

My girl is a pisher!

'These demons these days do a TERRIBLE job of inflicting misery on the children they possess... and they inflict the misery in such SMALL portions!'

Ok -- you are casting an Exorcist re-imagining. You must choose from the following: The characters of Good Times (in their prime, not in 2014) as the characters of the original Exorcist movie... or the characters of What's Happening (also in their prime).

While you should maintain the essence of the original sitcom characters, please note that familial relations do not necessarily remain in place. For example, Florida can be the mother and James can be Father Merrin without any conflicts.

No mix and matching. Some alterations to the Exorcist are acceptable, of course, by necessity.

Go.

"Spiderwalk With Me" (1973)- Once-beautiful model Kiki MacNe'e, disfigured on the right side of her face, lives in agoraphobic seclusion with her daughter (Jodie Foster). One day the kid falls down the steep staircase outside, smashing the left side of her face. Kiki is forced back into the world to seek the help of a handsome-but-troubled plastic surgeon (Timothy Bottoms), who cruises S+M bars at night. When the psycho-slasher who attacked her years ago reappears, Kiki realizes she has telekinetic powers when she wills him down those same treacherous steps. But then she begins having waking nightmares of being hacked by a Shadow Man (Richard Burton) whom she can't overcome... or resist. Directed by Brian de Palma (Rated: X)

Audrey Hepburn could have been great - she was a much stronger actress than she's given credit for in films like Two For the Road. I know she had to drop out of a Hitchcock film as well, and it's such a shame she never got to make one.

I wish she had been given more chances to play against type. Imagine her as Beth in Ordinary People.

If she coulda been, she woulda been.

If Barbra played Chris in The Exorcist, she would seduce the hot young priest, with multiple “Lowenstein, Lowenstein” style closeups on her manicure.

I’d watch this. “Satan, can you hear me?”

Audrey Hepburn turned down the Hitchcock film because he had inserted a graphic rape scene in it, which appalled her. Hitchcock had a misogynistic streak a mile wide.

It would have been like this.

Barbra would have insisted on playing the child and demanded that Burstyn or Bacall play the mother. The possession will be revealed in the final scenes to be akin to a multiple personality disorder brought on by a distant mother who never told her how beautiful she was.

She'd also have claimed songwriter credits on "Love Theme from The Exorcist" and expected an Oscar for it.

It was so stupid for Eyes of Laura Mars to have a 'Love Theme'.

What next? A 'Love Theme from The Shining'?

No, it was genius.

She is not a bad actress, but she could have never pulled off playing a shiksa.

The scene where Regan shoves her mom's face into her bloody crotch, Barbra would yell, "My NAILS!".

Streisand would have insisted on a song to sing over the opening titles. Maybe they could've written lyrics to Tubular Bells.

"Satan, can you hear me ..."

R5 Yes, about as unimaginable as Ursula Andress playing Sophie instead of Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice

After the priest falls down the stairs, Babs and Regan descend the stairs in tuxedos and top hats, tap dancing to a cheery rendition of ‘Me and My Shadow.’

My partner and I watched the film last weekend. It holds up remarkably well almost a half-century later. I remember seeing it In Denver during the initial release in December 1973...scared the bejusus out of me. The film was perfectly cast and filmed; the thought of Babs Brolin as Chris boggles my aging mind.

Why didn't Barbra land the Olivia Newton John role in the "Grease" movie? Someone claimed here once that Streisand was the original choice for that movie and also for "Klute", "Cabaret", "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore", and "Taxi Driver"?

She also turned down the part of Celie in THE COLOR PURPLE.

She wanted to play Shug Avery.

She would record the love theme: Ever Scream.

Barbara as a Catholic? I don't see it.

She played an English woman in OACDYCSF. Would a Catholic have been a bigger stretch than that?

The best part of this thread is the above mention of DLs' late, great Blue Agave.

Best poster ever.