Constipation

Apple juice.

2 pounds of grapes

A cigarette.

stop your probiotic

Garlic powder - warmed. Add some (a lot) to your next bowl of soup or dowse your pizza with it thoroughly.

r2 is the correct answer

Bankruptcy.

You must be a top.

Swiss Kriss, which you can find on amazon or any one of a dozen places -- just don't take too much of it. Follow the directions.

[quote]Swiss Kriss, which you can find on amazon or any one of a dozen places -- just don't take too much of it. Follow the directions.

OTOH, my friend Swiss Chris will pound the shit out of you.

Bread rich in fiber, lots of walking.

Chia Seeds

Prunes.

If you require immediate relief, buy a stool softener, an enema, and Metamucil (which I recognize are not home remedies). The Metamucil will add fiber to your diet immediately. Ground flax seeds are also an (almost) immediate cure.

For the long term, eat yogurt with probiotics and a tablespoon of flax seeds, and lots of fruit and veggies. Prunes are a top choice, as are raspberries, pears, artichoke, and avocados. Beans and split peas are top fiber choices as well. Drink at least six glasses of water daily.

If you're in dire need, eat the ripest cantaloupe you can find. When things are, ahem, "cleared" again, 4 prunes a day will keep you bright and chipper.

Magnesium citrate. you can buy off amazon the product Calm works like a charm with no cramping and you can use it as often as you want. If you take too much you get the runs and then just lower the dose, Helps sleep too.

Citrate of Magnesia which tastes like lemon soda does the trick, but when you think you're totally cleaned-out, it starts working again so stay home for the day, OP.

obamacare

A lot of those are do nothing home remedies and 'work' because the people who use the 'believe' in them. Fuck apple juice and go with the magnesium.

Drink something hot (tea or coffee) and then something cold (a malt, pepsi with a ton of ice) and it works. Almost instantly.

Water.

I second the water. I drink two Britta pitchers of water daily, I haven't had any constipation problems.

Friends have told me expresso helps them with constipation, drink two small cups in the morning, you can add milk or cream. For a lot of people, coffee, in general, acts as a natural laxative.

Bottom line, if you eat fruits, vegetables and drink water daily, you shouldn't have any problems with constipation.

R20...no it does not 'work'. It works for you because you believe in it.

[quote] Magnesium citrate. you can buy off amazon

Are you serious? You're seriously recommending Amazon? he/she needs it today. they can get it at any pharmacy or grocery store

cum

Rather than taking anything internally if things are a bit 'hard' an enema can do wonders to get it all moving.

thugenema. Apply once every two hours with vigor for 30 minutes each session.

Shake, rattle and roll.

OP for immediate relief I drink hot water with lemon. If you don't have any lemon, just drink the hot water. And move around. People who are too sedentary are afflicted with this more than people who aren't. Exercises like deep knee bends, walking, etc. are very helpful. Eat soft, cooked veggies and fruit today, and stay away from sugar, red meat, and breads. No alcohol either. In fact, until you clean yourself out, you should be eating very light. A stool softener will help too.

Just remember, if you take Citric of Magnesium, you will get relief in a matter of hours, but it will not be pretty. The problem with laxatives is that they upset the balance in the colon, and then you get constipated again. So try to do it with water, and food.

Yogurt, beans, cooked cabbage, cooked broccoli, prunes, apples, etc. are all things that will get you going.

A stick of dynamite

Take two Dulcolax and a stool softener, then plan to stay home for the next 24 hrs.

Prunes !!! Completely natural, not unpleasant to eat and you really don't need to eat many of them, even when you've gotten to the blocked up stage.

hot/very warm water with lemon is actually a good suggestion.

Miralax if you are very desperate. I know for me, it worked within 3 hours.

Raisins or Prunes for upkeep. Psyllium Husk in pill form, or powder work too. Powder is sold at regular stores as Metamucil. I would recommend this if you want to keep regular in the future. You must drink lots of water with this. Its very important, or you will be miserably constipated.

Garden hose and a long nozzle.

A cup of dark roast coffee and then some light exercise. Works every time.

r22 How many ounces IS your daily intake from those 2 pitchers? A gallon? If so, sounds like it might be a bit too much, but your kidneys must be squeaky clean.

Exercise. Walk a mile.

If you went to the doctor as I did once for anal fissure caused constipation they flush your bottom with water.

So the garden hose with the long nozzle is indeed the correct response.

Apple juice was a legit answer

Grapes. Seriously. Lots of grapes. It always works for me. If I have constipation I just eat grapes and voila.. out it comes.

Large amounts of dried fruits (eating a whole container of dried apricots turns me into a projectile shitting machine), coffee (every morning, coffee alarm!), or a jar of olives (and drink the brine!). You'll be shitting your brains out in no time!

If you eat a healthy fiber rich diet like you are supposed to you aren't going to get constipated.

Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears. About five should do the trick. Read the pages and pages of hilarious revelations on Amazon reviews.

Take a magnesium pill daily. It's easier than the grapes.

Clean you gut out. Take a probiotic daily along with an herb called Candida Support.

Sigh R44 sums up whats wrong with this country. People want to take some pill rather than eating simple whole foods to give their body the nutrients it needs.

OP the reason why so many people have stomach (constipation, IBS, lactose intolerant,bloating) issues is because they have bad bacteria in their gut. You can eat all the fruit and veggies in the world and still won't get rid of the constipation unless you make your gut healthy. A part of making your gut healthy is taking probiotics.

Squatty potty. Google it.

DE. Diatomaceous Earth.

Squatty potty takes a little time. It is a learning curve

A slightly over ripe banana before bed time, and in the morning... problem solved. Helps with leg cramps too.

Avocado. It has a high fiber content and a high good fat content. As others have suggested lots of water.

R46, magnesium is a natural mineral in pill form. It's not a drug, you imbecile.

[quote]A slightly over ripe banana before bed time, and in the morning... problem solved.

Over-ripe? Doesn't it get all smashed up when you try to insert it?

Bananas are binding.

I think someone mentioned it already but Haribo sugar free Gummy Bears will get rid of the constipation.

Just eat a handful before bedtime and in the AM you won't know what hit you.

An 8 ounce glass of warm organic sauerkraut juice.

cashews or sunflower seeds gets things moving for me

A small glass of prune juice before breakfast each morning, along with coffee, keeps things cleared out nicely!

Greens like Swiss Chard, especially Tuscan Kale and Spinach along with a portion of beans twice a day help me and I'm disabled and very sedentary. Unfortunately, with all the snow and ice out there I can't get out and I'm out of anything fresh. I still have beans but they don't work as well without the greens. I suppose I should have stocked the freezer with frozen spinach but I didn't think of it. Besides the fresh works much better.

It might be another couple of weeks before I can get to the store, (no one delivers unless you go there and shop and then have it delivered) I'm going to be ready to explode by then, lol. Things are already slowing down so to speak. Oh and I do take Miralax in addition to the greens and beans but on its own it doesn't do shit, pun intended.

broccoli, carrots, rasberries

Drink Dr. Pepper first thing in the morning while dancing to some music. You'll be empty in no time.

R57

I would rather die of an impaction than drink sauerkraut juice.

I am just the opposite. I am never constipated but I have frequent diarrhea.

Any remedies (natural or otherwise) for this ? I've been to countless doctors, had several colonoscopies, various meds and I still never have a formed stool.

And no I am not a bottom.

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

oranges. if you eat enough, you overdose on vit c and it will come out, runny or reg poop or gas, depends how much vit c you take.

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

Easy on the Vicodin OP!

OMG I've had constipation for a few days. Yesterday I went to pharmacy & bought a stool softener & psyllium husks. Took them right away & nothing!!

So early this morning took 2 more stool softners & took a 16 psyllium capsules (Was on the phone while taking them & not paying attention, think I took too many)

I didn't feel anything but now I'm at my office & my stomach is growling, making weird loud noises.

I need to go to a 2 hr meeting in 30 mins, will this pass soon?

If it doesn't pass will the noise stop & if I have to shit will I have enough notice to make it to the toilet.

I'm really panicking, first time I ever used this stuff?

Metamucil, Metamucil, Metamucil. Yes, it's outrageously priced for what is just psyllium husks and sugar, but the husks are ground finer than what you can generally buy in health food stores. And it will lower your cholesterol as well!

A flat tablespoonful whisked in a quarter of a glass of water, don't wait for it to bulk, but instead, gulp down immediately. Done.

Arugala works for me. They don't call it rocket for nothing!

many of these home remedies work for no one but the person posting it.

The foolproof method.

Enema

[quote]Any good home remedies?

They're called vegetables, Rose!

As much iceberg lettuce as you can stand , in one serving, with Oil & Vinegar.

OP try all of them one by one and report back please. Serve humanity.

I can't wait for a status update from r71!

Watch out! R71's gonna blow!

Water, water, water through mouth.

Enema, enema, enema through ass. You gotta empty that lower colon to get the upper ten pounds of shit moving effectively. Doofus! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF WATER?!!!

And don't eat cheese and/or narcotics for a week you idiot.

Miralax with lots of water

I recently had bowel surgery due to an obstruction. I've been constipated all my life. I've been taking two 50mg Colace capsules every day. The NP for a GI practice told me to use miralax. I asked if I could use it every day and she said yes. So I've added that, but only a heaping teaspoon, not the whole capful.

So far, so good. I drink a lot of fluid. The fluid helps a lot. On days when I have to drive a lot, I force myself to remember to drink fluid while I'm driving or I just don't feel good. I've found fluid is more important to my bowel functioning than high fiber foods.

This is an every day regimen, btw. If you tend to be constipated TREAT IT by having a daily regimen. Otherwise, you'll forget and wind up periodically constipated

POWER PUDDING t 1 1/2 c. pitted prunes 1 c. unsweetened applesauce 1/2 c. All-Bran 3/4 c. prune juice

Put in blender. Blend well. Refrigerate. Use 1/4 cup daily oral, followed by glass of tap water oral.

Eat Butter fish!

R71 here, what a horrible experience!! Had to leave my work & while heading home almost shit my pants!

Had to take an "emergency dump" outdoors!!!

I'm at home resting & thoroughly overwhelmed by My experience.

I had a terrible case of constipation once.

That's when I realized taking a shit could actually be better than an orgasm. It was a sad day.

Grapes, nuts, coffee, wine/alcohol

DRANO

pron

Seriously, I watch or read it and soon I have to go #2. Bad.

Sugar free gummie Bears.

Read the AMAZON reviews.

Nothing sad about it, r87. A good healthy dump is one of the great pleasures of life. It's like an instant burst of energy. Purged of toxins, your bowels are relieved and your colon feels clean and springtime fresh.

Eat 6 ounces of raw chopped meat from C-Town.

The only thing that works for me is a good coffee enema.

My nephew is a naturopath so he helps administers them & give me a colonic cleanse twice a year.

You wouldn't believe what's backed up in you & it makes my skin look great

I know this will sound weird but I swear it works.

When I have a problem I grease up a big dildo with Crisco. I ride that thing for awhile & 30 mins after I'm finished, I have a massive dump.

Not sure if the Crisco gets up into my colon & greases the way or it's because I'm relaxed and thereby my colon lets go.

I'm really constipated and have tried everything.

The clerk at the health food store suggested a coffee enema. Im thinking of trying it, can I administer it myself or should I ask my nephew for help!

My nephew is used to my weirdness. I'm elderly & when the young kids started shaving their anus & balls, is fled him to show me how ad I couldn't find anything on YouTube about if.

So if I need him I'm sure he'd help, just nervous about this enema

Run the marathon.

Schedule a colonoscopy.

Drinks lots and lots and lots of water and Dulcolax.

R96 Here

So my nephew drove he to the health food store & I bought the enema .

He helped me with the enema, inserted the small nozzle into my anus & managed the flow while I was laying over the bathtub.

I thrilled to say it worked, I had a massive dump. Now my stomach is making noises so staying close to the toilet.

Poor nephew when he removed the nozzle from my anus, the solution ran out. & I shit a bit on his hand. He's a great guy didn't even mention it.

I recommend...COCONUT OIL!

I just ran to the toilet almost pooped myself.

How long will this coffee cleanse take to pass, I have to work tomorrow.

Yuck, R102.

Double the standard dosage of Ex Lax. You'll be relieved.

Triphala-a daily supplement

Eat about a pound of pineapple. Seriously fiber rich fruit.

R106 but sooo much sugar!

2 dulcolax will unclog you, OP.

Watermelon. It works.