I find this so arrogant!! I was at dinner tonight with a guy who insisted on ordering for the table. WE'LL have this, WE'LL have that--everyone expected to share and nobody else but him got a say. He ended up ordering tons of food and everyone had to chip in equally. He also kept ordering various bottles of wine to "try." His wife sat by meekly. Finally I flagged the waiter and was able to whisper a side dish.
What the hell? I hate it when one tablemate has to "take control." Problem is this guy is a coworker so I can't avoid him, but what the hell. I'm out $200 plus and I barely touched my food.
I hate assholes who insist doing this shit.
That would be the last time I went out to eat with this douchbag.
I also hate people who arbitrarily decide that the check should be divided evenly. As somebody who has struggled with finances over the years, I never chose the most expensive entree when I go out. I choose what I can afford. I also front drink wine and really resent people who think I should chip in for a bottle of wine I didn't touch.
If someone did that to me, I'd immediately say "So you're buying dinner? Great!" He'd either backtrack fast or feel obliged to pay to show off. Either way, you win.
I went to dinner with a couple who did this recently. He ordered $250 worth of sushi for five people, and insisted that the food was great. It was crap, and he picked up the tab, but it was still upsetting. We had a lot of leftover sushi that he took home with his wife and kid. Gross.
I am happy to split the check evenly, but there is always one who goes through the whole " I only had this or that" and cheap out on tax and tip. then I end up paying way more. Separate checks is the way to go if you expect to be way over or under what the table ordered.
Victim much, OP? This thread never happened.
Why did everyone at the table allow him to do this? What kind of wimps are you all that no one shut him up or objected or simply said no, I don't want that?
only control freak cunts do this
That only happened to me once. A group of us were out to dinner, and because one of my friends was a "world traveler" did the we'll have this, we'll have that bit.
It was a nice menu - lots of chicken, fish, and pasta dishes. It was also prime rib night. I said to my friend, no, I'm ordering the prime rib with a baked potato and extra butter.
He looked stricken, not that I disagreed but that I would get something so fatty. It was delicious.
You have to speak up to people like this or it only becomes worse. Don't outright bash them at the table put politely tell them that you'd like to order your own food. If the person is a business partner do it as tactfully as possible but if it's a friend, some light ribbing can defuse the situation. Nevertheless, do NOT submit to eating or paying for items you don't want. That's just straight up taking advantage and you don't want to be labeled a sorry sucker who is easily controlled.
I spent my 20s being an easy "go along to get along" type and found that I was perpetually broke and unhappy because I let all my "friends" tell me what I should and get one over on me. Now that I'm in my mid-30s I'm a lot happier because I've learned to speak my mind. I might have fewer friends but perhaps that's for the best.
That's extremely arrogant and rude unless he's paying. Even so - how do you know if someone has a food allergy or hates certain food?
If he's going to order for everyone, then he should have everyone to his house for dinner. Restaurants have choices for a reason.
Someone should say something to this egomaniac.
If you order for the whole table, you pay for the whole table. Period. What a douche.
I went once to a birthday dinner at a PF Chang's, the only person I knew was the birthday guy. It was your typical "pay for what you order" meal.
There were like 20 people there. The idiot waitstaff tells us they have this thing where they decide what would be good for the group. We didn't go that route mostly because it was stupid but also because who was going to pay for what dish? And splitting the check 20 ways wasn't feasible.
You're so brave, OP, to sit meekly by during the crisis and then run to an anonymous message board to cry to strangers after the fact. You poor thing.
Happened to me once but I told the waitress I was leaving early and got a separate check for exactly what I ate. It angered the host who obviously ordered more than she could afford and thought we would pick up the tab. Two people actually ordered appetizers and left before the main courses! So they were trying to get us to pay for food we didn't even eat. I agree it's arrogant and if I'm at a dinner and someone suggests we split evenly I'll definitely say no.
[quote]There were like 20 people there. The idiot waitstaff tells us they have this thing where they decide what would be good for the group.
Aka "what's about to go bad," "what we ordered way too much of," and "what has the highest profit margin."
I generally don't like going to dinner when the check is split evenly, because I'm a vegetarian and don't drink, and vegetarian food is usually the least expensive thing on the menu. I generally go along with it because it's tacky to do otherwise, but it always makes me feel like I've been taken advantage of.
Try going out with your friends who guzzle wine like Diet Coke when you don't drink alcohol. My $30 entrée $12 appetizer and $8 dessert turned into $100 because "it was easier to just split the check." Never again! And did I mention half of them have a net worth over a million?
I've been to dinner a couple of times where a few people suggest ordering and sharing the food. I always decline and cite my vegetarianism. No one has had a problem with that.
It would be incredibly arrogant for someone to order for everyone, but I can't imagine a table of people going along with that.
A friend's wife is Thai/Laotian, and also speaks Vietnamese. We've gone out to restaurants where I'm just as happy letting her order for the table.
I know my way around a Thai or Vietnamese menu pretty well, but she orders things that are delicious and way off the menu.
(Our usual dialogue: "What is this herb/spice?" "It doesn't have a name!" "Everything has a name." "Not English name!")
[quote]My $30 entrée $12 appetizer and $8 dessert turned into $100 because "it was easier to just split the check."
No one should be allowed to get away with saying this. I waited tables for 14 years. WE were the ones who split up the check, not the guests.
Well, I accept that I am an elder gay. And I suppose that things have changed a lot over the years. That said, I never have had a "group" dinner where one person ordered everything and expected the check to be split. (Yes, I've been to dinners where the host did all of the ordering - mostly off menu - but the host paid for everything, including cocktails. My ex and I would take friends visiting from out of town to one of our fave restaurants with the server that always waited on us, and we would pretty much order for the table. But we were paying, no one else was.
Knowledge of the restaurant's specialties, or ethnic understanding of the cuisine, are suitable conditions to order for the table. But one should explain options and query the other guests.
I have no friends like this and I'm so glad. Awful behavior; boorish, presumptuous, controlling and pretentious, all at once. And to split the bill evenly after a stunt like this is extortion. You only get away with this if you're picking up the tab, but it's still assholish behavior.
This. Didn't. Happen.
I'm lucky that this has never happened to me.
And R5, the thread did happen. You read it and then responded to it.
That mother fucker was pretty audacious, but it's your own fault you're out $200, OP. You should've spoken up or left.
Why are people saying "this never happened"? It's not unheard of.
You people are making me hungry.
My friends and I always pay for own on separate tickets. If we do share wine the bottle is split evenly. I've never encountered a restaurant where this is a problem.
Separate checks are for lesbians.
Could we get separate checks, please?
Was it Fred Rutherford?
What R24 said. I cannot imagine "ordering for the table" and then expecting my guests to pay. What kind of clod does this?
Whenever this happens, you should make it very clear to everyone that you will only be paying for your own bill because you have pets that need to go to the vet. Tell them that you are on a very tight budget, and go into detail about how fluffy is in pain, and how worried you are about them.
You will get a few oohhs and ahhs and anyone who contests you will look like a jerk.
For the record, the OP did not say this was a friend of his that did this. I would imagine a person who would attempt to order for everyone at the table would not have many friends.
My parents went out with about 4 couples from their cul de sac. One of the husbands tried to pull this. That was probably 40 years ago. It's been interesting to observe that the guy who tried to order (and his wife) have very few, if any, friends.
Damn R20 u got PLAYED!
Haha, exactly my thought process R16.
And same with you R20, quit being a doormat and SPEAK UP.
We get to 40 responses before "punch and delete" appears?!?!? You gals are losing your touch.....
The key here is to be more discerning about who you dine with.
Um, has never happened to me.
But I would protest immediately and loudly!
OP: You must clearly and loudly state your boundaries before any food is ordered. You must tell your host now, so you don't have to tell her then.
An ex-friend used to volunteer to put the tab on his credit card and collect the money. Since no one ever had exact change he'd tell us that he'd get our change to us "next time", which never happened.
When I was married we were good friends with a couple that tried this bs with dinner. Ordering the most expensive items and expecting to split the bill. Easy enough to ask for separate checks and it ended that. One day the ex decided to play a trick on them and bought a lotto ticket with the numbers of the drawing from the previous evening. He gave the wife the ticket and asked her to check the numbers to see if we won anything. We expected an " YOU WON " and she said " no, nothing matched !!! " obviously thinking she would keep the ticket and collect the money. We had dinner plans and I wanted to rip her apart but asked for the ticket on the way home. She had the nerve to say that shethrew it ithe garbage and something got on it. Later in the evening she called ( I'm sure after she realized it was no good ) and said that she pulled the ticket from the trash. I called her on it and never spoke to her again. Several years later the husband ( an investor ) was arrested for stealing money from clients. Think she was involved as well.
Boundaries, OP, boundaries. I WISH friends would try that bullshit on me. I know how to be assertive and you obviously need some therapy to learn how to stick up for yourself!
r30 because the nicest restaurants the people saying "this didn't happen" go to don't usually have waiters, and you have to pay when you order.
I couldn't imagine such a thing, unless Mr. Know It All made it clear that he was paying for the entire tab?
The reason one dines with friends is to socialise. Who cares what it costs? If you're obsessively keeping tabs on what you're spending vs what your friends are spending then perhaps you should eat alone and meet up with them after dinner?
I've had very controlling people try to order for everyone and complain when I've told them that I'm on a restricted diet. Even if they're picking up the tab, it's still bad manners.
Geez, R23, you sure are dumb, aren't you? No one was talking about the waiter splitting the bill and giving separate checks. No wonder you're a waiter after 14 years.
You people need to get a backbone. I'd be damned if someone is going to order for me unless they're paying for it. But if I have to pay for my meal, you better believe I'll be choosing what I want.
Why don't you wimps speak up and say, "Actually, I'm going to have (fill in the blank)"?
I cannot believe how some of you let yourselves get pushed around. I wouldn't let someone order for me if I didn't want them to, and I certainly wouldn't pay for food I didn't want or eat. "No," is a pretty short and simple word to say. Damn.
If the OP had insisted on everyone going to the Old Country Buffet, this would never have been a problem.
That's insanity. The only time I've ever had anything like this occur was with an old boss of mine would take us all out for lunch or dinner, but he paid for everything (including lots and lots of cocktails) I'm generally fine with splitting the check, except if people have been ordering lots of drinks and I didn't have any, or just had one.
Unfortunately, some restaurants inexplicably refuse to issue separate checks so you still go through the trouble of splitting the check, even if you ordered for yourself.
You let him do it. I'd have said, "if you're ordering for the table, you're picking up the check for the table. Otherwise, I can order for myself."
[quote]bought a lotto ticket with the numbers of the drawing from the previous evening. He gave the wife the ticket and asked her to check the numbers to see if we won anything.
What lotto drawings are done nightly?
This didn't happen. But it was a nice piece of fiction to read.
[quote]If the OP had insisted on everyone going to the Old Country Buffet, this would never have been a problem.
I love Old Country Buffet. The trick is to go mid-afternoon right before they change from the lunch price to the dinner price.
If you time it right - you can eat the dinner buffet for lunch prices.
BTW - I'd let someone bully me into eating at The Old Country Buffet before I'd let them order my food that I was going to pay for.
I had a "friend" order appetizers to desert to cocktails in addition to wine, then when it came time to pay, he stated he had no money but would pay me later.
The following week he still hadn't paid so I mentioned it in passing to which he started screaming that he had problems because his partner had cancer and how could I ask him for money??
Never got paid. Not friends with the cunt anymore....
That's easy enough to solve. You just give them different credit cards and tell them to put x amount on each card. It's not usually hard to figure out the check yourself.
I do like that a lot of restaurants are now dividing the one check up into sections for each diner making it extremely easy to figure out who owes what.
I don't fault the person for ordering for the table. Sure, it's tacky, but it's not his fault he's getting away with it. The fault is completely with whoever is at the table and doesn't say anything and then whines about it later.
[quote]What lotto drawings are done nightly?
I think what he's trying to say is that a lotto drawing happened to occur the night before.
I know it's early and you're a tard, but DO try to keep up.
Over the years I've noticed that DLers seem to have a multitude of problems and issues when they dine out.
[quote]I think what he's trying to say is that a lotto drawing happened to occur the night before.
What he was trying to say but didn't... so clearly, he's the "tard."
But then again, so are you. I'm just not sure if you're more retarded because you used the word, "tard," or because you actually believed the bullshit lotto story or because you thought it would be clever or witty to say the following which has been played out on DL:
[quote]I know it's early and you're a tard, but DO try to keep up.
If you're going to try to cut a bitch, at least come up with your own schtick.
How tired of you to come on here to satisfy your fantasy ego that you ever spent $200 on dinner and how pathetic that you get your fantasy gratification by acting like it around a bunch of strangers you dont actually even know.
A friend and I used to go out every weekend with a couple with whom we were very good friends. They were both heavy drinkers and started each meal with a few (or more)scotches. We would split a bottle or two of wine with the meal so my friend and I would wait and just have the wine. The final bill would be very expensive because of the drinks and both my friend and I ended up covering half of their alcohol consumption.
We got together and decided to just pay for what we ate, plus tax and tip. We both made sure we had adequate cash to cover our own meal and a quarter or half of the cost of the wine - depending on how many bottles we ordered. When the check arrived we both knew what we owed and we both handed over the money to cover our own meals. The cost dropped from over $60 to under $40.
They were pretty surprised but took it in stride. I don't think they even realized what this was costing us. Sorry to be cheap but I am on a budget. I don't mind paying occasionally but I am not going to subsidize my friends' alcohol consumption every week.
R64 Im pretty sure the person meant that lottery numbers arent run on consecutive nights. It's usually either a Super or Mega, or whatever, but theyre several days apart. Its hard to believe that someone wouldnt notice the big date or the drawing number (or type of lotto drawing) and confuse it with the current lotto for that night.
The story read like bullshit.
r68 I dont think paying what you owe is cheap. I think having other people subsidize your meals by expecting them to split the check is what's cheap.
We go out with friends who are (ahem) poor at math when it comes to paying their share. So we always insist on separate checks.
[quote]The reason one dines with friends is to socialise. Who cares what it costs? If you're obsessively keeping tabs on what you're spending vs what your friends are spending then perhaps you should eat alone and meet up with them after dinner?
If your "friends" are not being sensitive to your money concerns, then they are not really your friends.
But bonus points for your blowhard attempt at pretending you're Mr. Moneybags.
[quote]How tired of you to come on here to satisfy your fantasy ego that you ever spent $200 on dinner
What? If you go to a upscale eating place and order multiple courses and bottles of wine that can definitely happen.
I swear some people on here really are flyover shut-ins if they think that is impossible.
No one uses the phrase "flyover shut-ins" but ghetto types in basement studio apartments. You've just outed yourself.
I have no problem splitting a bill but people who itemize the bill and haul out their phone to add up each person's "contribution" irritate me. I'd rather just pay for everyone to avoid the embarrassment. Yes, everyone needs to contribute but to add up nickles and dimes in a good restaurant is just tacky.
But it's not tacky for someone to order a $60 meal while someone else orders a $20 meal and is expected to contribute $15 extra for the pleasure of watching the other person eat it?
I don't understand why so many people go along when others try to pull this shit on them. If you're too chickenshit to just speak up and say you'll order and pay for your own meal and that's it, then just claim you're a vegetarian, have allergies, etc. - it's not hard to come up with an excuse to avoid being stuck paying for food you didn't order and don't want.
How hard is it so speak up? The more you do it the easier it gets. And the more assertive you are the less put upon you will be.
I went to a birthday party at a restaurant this summer. I had a garden salad and a glass of wine. I had to pay $60.
I avoid dining with co-workers at all costs. It's happened twice so far and both times dinner was being paid for by work. After all, it is work.
Quite simply, I see my time as divided into two:
Time when am I free to do what I want
Time when I am not free to do what I want
When I am not free to do what I want, I believe I should be paid for it. At work, I do not do what I want, and I get paid for that. Other than that, it is because it is either my (civic) duty (death and taxes) or because it is family.
In my free time, I do whatever the fuck I want, when I want. I order the food I like, I don't order food if I don't want it, I leave in the middle of a meal if I feel like it - you get the picture.
I don't have that many friends but I could give a fuck. They don't pay me.
[quote]I don't have that many friends
NO!!! Hard to believe!
Ah you know, friendship is overrated. And everything has a price. Time, food... Both very precious.
A boss, maybe. A co-worker? Are you that much of a mealy-mouth Milquetoast, OP?
[quote]R83: I leave in the middle of a meal if I feel like it.
What would make you leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal?
I hate when stuff like this happens. I'm a vegetarian, so when I go out with a big group and they try to pull this shit I can't eat 80% of the food and will still be expected to split the bill evenly.
If it's a friend's birthday party I'm not going to make a stink about it, but it does suck. (Even you all order a separate entree and split the check evenly it's bad because my vegetarian meal is usually much cheaper than my meat-eating friends'.)
Christ, the lotto trick isn't that hard. You buy a ticket for the next drawing WITH THE SAME NAME. You tell the person to check the ticket for "last night's drawing". The sap takes you at your word and doesn't bother looking at the date, just the numbers.
One early Sunday morning after a $200+ million drawing my neighbor went out to get a newspaper and bought a lotto ticket with the winning numbers from the previous night, came home and stuck it in the pile of tickets his wife would check. She stumbled downstairs in her bathrobe an hour later, half asleep, and checked the numbers and about had a heart attack when she had what she thought was a winning ticket in her hand. It was a real knee slapper for my neighbor until he had to tell her that it was "just a joke". Bitch was majorly pissed and didn't talk to him for days.
I would have let him do his thing, then said to the waiter, "I'll have blah blah. And can you put mine on a separate check? I'm on a restricted diet and don't went anyone to have to pay for my meal." You say this to the waiter so you're not being confrontational to the asshole. This usually inspires others to say, "I want such and such and a separate check, too." It works.
People who engage in such behavior are not nice.
[quote]Unfortunately, some restaurants inexplicably refuse to issue separate checks so you still go through the trouble of splitting the check, even if you ordered for yourself.
Really? I've never heard of such a thing. Doesn't sound like a smart way of doing business.
No, it happened 59.if you could read and comprehend I never said anything about a daily drawing. Previous evening = the night before.Understand?
R76 Sorry honey, but not all of us are rich little bitches like you. Some of us are actually on a budget.
R74 So if someone of us think it's ridiculous to pay $200 for a dinner, then we're "flyover shut-ins"? Wow, you're a dumb bitch.
You order for the table, you pick up the tab. Period.
[quote]I do like that a lot of restaurants are now dividing the one check up into sections for each diner making it extremely easy to figure out who owes what.
No, no restaurants do that. Where do you eat, Chuck E. Cheese?
[quote]What would make you leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal?
To avoid the check, duh.
R95 doesn't get out enough or never has anyone to eat with. Probably both.
I never said that R93, personally I avoid meals that expensive because I think you can find a damn good meal for less money. However, that poster implied that was in some way unbelievable and I was clarifying that it most certainly isn't.
I used to meet a friend for drinks who would order three or four appetizers, saying he had a "taste" for each and then insist on splitting the bill. After the third time this happened, he was told, no you ordered this and we only had that . . . oh, boy, did he complain about the cost, that he couldn't afford to go out at those prices, etc. Too bad. He actually expected the rest of us to subsidize his night out and was upset that we didn't see it his way.
More "ordering for the table" stories!
I never heard of anyone "ordering for the table". Parents do it for children, and man did it for women, before the modern age. But for other adults? I wouldn't put up with it, even if it was clear the orderer intended to pay for it. Is paying for it supposed to make it less obnoxious? Is your inedible food suddenly delicious because someone else is paying for it? I can't imagine why payment makes a difference, in a public restaurant.
I'm with [R101]. Parents ordered for kids because they would get flustered and waste time. Heterosexual men ordered for their dates as a way of characterizing women as helpless and foolish. But grownups ordering for other grownups has to be some control freak's mad dream. If I want a BLT, why should I have to accept salade nicoise (for instance) instead? Just because some lunatic wants control of the table? Wouldn't everybody just pipe right up and say, "You order what you want and I'll order what I want"?
I occasionally go out with a group together for dinner, and there are some hard luck cases in the group, so it's not uncommon for there to be one payment short, when it's all added up. Now, I will discreetly ask the waiter for a separate check, or sometime, I get a separate check for a sub-group of 4 of us or so. When you break a group of 12 into three sets of 4 checks, it's harder to cheat. And you don't get stung as bad by the pig who drinks and eats like he's stocking up for winter, and then complains that it's to "hard" to divide-up the check based on what you each ordered.
[quote]If I want a BLT, why should I have to accept salade nicoise (for instance) instead?
I don't think we're talking about ordering your individual entree for you. Ordering for the table is ordering a lot of dishes for the table family style.
What a bizarre, and antiquated thing to do.
The only time this happened to me was when my work colleagues and I went out for dim sum in Chinatown for lunch one day. Our Chinese coworker ordered for us, in Chinese. We all trusted her and she did a good job in making sure everyone had something they could enjoy.
But if I was at a dinner like the one OP described I would let the "host" do his mass ordering and then order my own meal and pay for only that. If questioned I would just say that I prefer to order my own food. Simple as that.
Oh, and my partner and I are lucky that our best friends and most frequent dinner companions realize that they drink more than us and pay their share accordingly. At times we all have around the same amount of drinks so we just split the bill equally then.
Arrogant, show-offy asshole. I wonder why you would even agree to eat with someone like this. Is he your boss or something?
[quote]I don't think we're talking about ordering your individual entree for you. Ordering for the table is ordering a lot of dishes for the table family style.
No, people ordering individual entrees for people does happen. I get together with a certain group of my friends and one of them does this constantly. He invites us all to dinner, picks the most expensive, hardest to get in, most exclusive restaurants, and everyone just knows he's going to order their meals and we're just expected to go with it. He does pay and no one makes a big deal about it. We think it's ridiculous and we laugh about it, but ultimately we don't care enough to argue over it because he never orders anything we probably wouldn't order anyway.
Certain people are just this way and feel the need to show off or just be in control. This particular friend is actually a billionaire and feels like he's more sophisticated then the rest of us. Now, the rest of us aren't poor, and each of us are all worth several million ourselves. But in the eyes of a billionaire we're poor and so he makes the decisions.
As r108 points out, this really is a first world problem.
We went out for tapas at lunch today, and we asked our Spanish friend to order for the table. We were glad we did.
Little do you know you just ate goat asshole and catfish eyes, r110.
[quote]Ordering for the table is ordering a lot of dishes for the table family style.
Uh, no. I can count on one hand the number of restaurants I know that serve dishes "family style". They're either in Chinatown or "country-style" down-home places in Podunkville.
I've had that happen to me, OP. It is totally disgusting. You just have to take the reins into your own hands and stop him in mid-sentence. Perhaps everyone was waiting for SOMEONE to speak up. Or, you could make a joke of it by saying, "Oh. .. Are you paying, dear? Great!!" you'll see how fast he'll shut up and pass you the menu.
I've eaten at an Italian place in Times Square that only serves dishes for four so I suppose if it was something like that and there were 12 or more people it would be efficient for one person, especially if he was familiar with the food, to do the ordering.
I also think if you're in a group it would be difficult to be the first one to speak up against one person doing the ordering. So everyone thinks everyone else is okay with it and no one says anything because they don't want to be the difficult one.
When my father would take us grown kids and our families out for dinner, he was very generous about letting us order any food we wanted, but we had to pay for our own drinks.