Someone in another thread referred to their significant other this way. Are gay people still doing this? It's sounds hopelessly dated to my ears, not to mention silly. Calling someone "my Lover" makes it sound like you do nothing but fuck in sun-dappled meadows. Sorry but that does not describe my relationship.
Wow, I noticed that today too. All I could think of was Will Ferrell in that SNL skit with Rachel Dratch...
"Lover" has always been synonymous with "person I cheat on my spouse with." But "partner" is even worse, as it suggests no sex at all, just co-practitioners in a law firm.
I'm glad we're finally getting "husband."
I knew this would catch someone's eyeballs when I saw in the other thread, and I can't even remember what thread it's in.
This is one of those things, like tipping and laundry methods, that we can bitch on about forever and ever. I don't think there's a right answer.
It makes me think of General Hospital when I was a kid in the 70s. Which basically means if you have a lover, you are having a secret affair.
"Lover" makes me think of those awful early AIDS stories in the gay press ("his lover, Gary, had to change his diapers"), and of bad early-80s music with turbo synthesizers and awkwardly inserted LOUD saxophone solos.
Nope, not using it.
LOL R1. That's exactly what I think of. That gross, pretentious, hippie couple in a hot tub.
It's too sexually charged. I can see calling someone you fuck but never spend any time with your "lover", but we have a better name for that: fuck buddy.
Calling your live-in spouse of many years that is just ludicrous, unless you live on the cover of a Harliquin romance novel, bodice perpetually in mid-rip.
Is he your lover when it's his turn to scoop the cat box? Are you "lovers" filing joint tax returns? When he meets your grandmother is he your "lover"? When you're sorting his underwear from yours, do you think " these are my briefs, and these are my lover's briefs..." When the neighbor knocks on your door and say "I think this is your mail", do you say "No, but it's my lover's and I'll be sure to get it to
Who talks like this?
It's just so far removed from the everyday realities of being in a long-term relationship.
lmao r5, so wrong
I've never thought of it as a gay term, the last person I heard using it was probably Carrie Bradshaw. A little old-fashioned, but I don't see anything wrong with it. Sounds a lot nicer than "fuckbuddy" to my ears.
Ewwww. I dont like that word, unless its preceded by "meat" and followed by "pizza".
[quote]the last person I heard using it was probably Carrie Bradshaw
If I remember correctly she used it in an exaggerated, elongated fashion that was clearly facetious.
R5 captured my thoughts exactly.
I don't like either partner or lover because there are situations in between. I like "person I'm dating" or "guy I'm dating" even though they're longer.
I never liked "lover," for the reasons others have stated. If you look up "husband," the word originally meant "master of the house" and to me it carries the strong connotation of "a man who's married to a woman," so I don't like that either.
"Spouse" is fine, and I also like partner. I don't think it necessarily calls to mind "business partner." Think of it as "life partner."
I say, "my sweetie" and if it sounds a little twee, so be it.
so just say "my LTR-er"
The hetero equivalent is "my lady."
I was meeting a business acquaintance for drinks after work last week, and he said, "Do you mind if I bring my lady along?"
No, I didn't, but:
* HURL *
How about "my old man"? I think that should make a comeback.
I'll go with whatever Brides Magazine says on the matter.
Well, as someone pointed out earlier, it sounds a lot nicer than "fuck buddy".
I have lots of lovers. Jealous?
I prefer fuck buddy to lover when discussing exclusively sexual relationships. We fuck each other, we don't "love" each other.
My piss slave or my human toilet has a nice ring to it.
I call him 'MY LUVAH!'
It sounds tacky. Shades of the 1930's "Lucille took a lover."
I'm ancient by DL standards (56). when I came out in the mid-80s, the most-used term was "lover," especially for someone with whom you planned to build a future. I think I recall, through my senile dementia haze, that it was lesbians who first started using "partner" (at least where I lived) and many of us thought it was confusing and sounded business-like. Some tried out "significant Other," but it was cumbersome. "Boyfriend" could be fun, but it did seem unserious and also silly for anyone over 30. I use "partner" in public; among friends, I might say "my fella" or "my guy," with a slightly self-knowing tone (yes, it is twee, I admit it). Since my partner of almost twenty years remains legally married to his (female) wife, I can't use "husband," either literally or metaphorically. I, however, am happy to be referred to as "that tawdry Back Street Rae Smith." Good enough for Irene Dunne, Margaret Sullivan, and, of course, Susan Hayward. And yes, he and his wife stopped living together before he and I met and remain dearest "kin," so there.
People can use whatever term they prefer. The DL police of course feel that what they prefer is superior but the world goes round.
Why doesn't he just get divorced r25?
Anytime I hear this phrase (which is, granted, rarely) I picture the speaker simultaneously tossing a large, spangly shawl over his/her shoulders. It isn't an appealing image.
[quote]If I remember correctly she used it in an exaggerated, elongated fashion that was clearly facetious.
You are correct. IIRC she said it sarcastically in the "French" manner: "I have taken ... a lover." (I'm trying to remember if this was also the episode unapologetically titled "The Fuckbuddy.") Anyway, that was the last time I heard anyone use it, either. All of the non-geriatrics I know (gays under 40) just say "boyfriend" or "husband" (if actually married).
Only old queens call their partner or spouse "my lover."
[quote]Anytime I hear this phrase (which is, granted, rarely) I picture the speaker simultaneously tossing a large, spangly shawl over his/her shoulders. It isn't an appealing image.
I picture a secret hideaway... red brick apartment house on a dark, narrow turning behind Harrod's in London.
Shiny, tangerine colored eiderdown and cream coloured telephone by the unmade bed.
Wait, you're 56 but you didn't come out till the mid EIGHTIES??
BTW, none of you bitches has come up with a great alternative to the word, which I don't use with my ... lover... unless we're joking around.
[quote]BTW, none of you bitches has come up with a great alternative to the word,
BF...obviously. Works just fine AND cuts the mustard.
I thought it came primarily from middle aged to older heterosexaul women trying to be p.c. when describing Walter and Pauls relationship.
"My Lover...my Brother"
I prefer "my fuckpuppet."
I prefer "Cum Dumpster".
When my boyfriend became my husband I was glad, but I miss calling him my boyfriend.
I say "my buddy" or "my partner."
Okay, OP, what else do you two get up to in sun-dappled meadows?
R26, we're talking about a historical perspective on terms of affection - if it's too fucking boring for you go find your Legos, likely stuck way up your ass.
I think the shark jump was when Tom Hanks used it in an acceptance speech
It's dated but if i had time and nothing more to worry about than that, I would consider myself quite fortunate or very lonely.
Bless you R5 and R7. I was in the biggest funk this morning and then read your replies and laughed out loud at some of your comments.
This is why I LOVE DL. (Mary!)
It's terribly Tom Bianchi.
And no one wants to be that.