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Am I depressed?

I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday. Is this a "oh my God I'm turning 30" thing? Lately nothing seems fun anymore. I'm very fortunate to have a very secure job, lots of vacation time (I work for the federal government), but as lucky as I am-this isn't EVER what I thought I'd be doing. I never ever wanted to work in an office. I think that I'm just sort of...depressed that this is really what adulthood is. I dreamed big as a child, but yeah, most peoples childhood dreams DON'T come true. I worked in the industry of my dreams for about 10 years (starting at age 15), then the economy tanked and work was hard to get, so I ended up here. Realized that, my mother was right, job security and health insurance are indeed important to have, and I've stayed. I've been deferring my student loan payments for the past few years due to financial reasons (honestly, most of my financial troubles were my own fuck-ups), and am set to start making $300 a month payments next year. I'm terrified of getting back into debt and have grown so frugal with my money that I'm afraid to do anything for myself anymore. I love Broadway but haven't seen a show in over a year. I used to go on great vacations, now I don't even want to spend the money for a weekend away somewhere. My partner manages our finances and always says we can afford this or that, but I'm just afraid. I think I'm just in a rut. While it's not my dream job, my job isn't completely miserable. I have a great partner. Wonderful family. I live in NYC (which is also my hometown). I just feel so lost, like I don't recognize the person I've become. I feel very disconnected with the person I was at 20. For those who are soon turning 30 or who are already over 30--how do/did you feel? I feel like I'm mourning


Lord Lord Lord, that woman is me.
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