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Brad Pitt stops using soap, smells like dog

It appears that the World's Sexiest Man, twice-over, is paraben-paranoid. The always accurate National Enquirer reports that Pitt is so taken with the naturalist beauty that he has sworn off soap. He is showering with a concoction of his own making "a mixture of lemons, water, and apple cider vinegar." "Brad says he’s read up on the toxins of soap — especially the anti-bacterial ones — and feels that using them and anti-perspirants is not only bad for the planet, but it also speeds up the aging process in humans." This was not the first time Pitt's pits have been a cause for complaint. His former bodyguard once revealed in a tell-all that Pitt didn't wear deodorant. He also "shaves his armpits just as a girl would," to minimize stench. He once counseled his co-star Eli Roth to take what's known colloquially as a "whore's bath," a shower with baby wipes. Angelina Jolie has reportedly been putting up a big stink about his natural big stink. "Their kids even started calling him ‘Stinky Daddy,'" the Enquirer adds. And thus, we imagine, the Jolie-Pitt scent-shaming began. Maddox and Zahara worked together to change Pitt's Facebook username to "Stinky Daddy." Pax and Shiloh surrounded him in a ring, pelting him with bars of Irish Spring and sprays of Chanel No. 5. Vivienne and Knox text-taunted him with emoticons of sheep and dogs, in reference to what Jolie dubbed as a "sheepdog"-like aroma


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