What is something you wish ypu take back...something you did to your parent/parents?
My parents never....I mean never got out to socialize. We had six kids and no money....we would even have our phone shut off kind of poor,although both sides came from money.
One saturday night my partents get all dressed up...very attractive poor people...and go to a relatives house for a big party.
All the rest of this family had big bucks...very exclusive town on Long Island where we all lived. None of the other families appeared to have any strife in their families.
Pretty much Stepford type Moms. They just arrive and get a phone call from the eldest brother that my younger brother...we were all teenagers...he jammed a pencil in my arm...the anticubital space...where you get your blood drawn.
I thought I was going to die from lead poisoning from the broken lead left in my arm. (it is still there)
My parents returned home 30 minutes after they left for the party...I am sure now thinking about it they must have felt immense shame that their hellions couldn't be left alone at our ages without some savagery taking place.
I slapped my mother, in front of a friend of mine, in my senior year of hs. She died a couple of years later.
I have never gotten over it
Did she slap you back?
No, she cowered, and told me she knew I loved her, and that I would feel ashamed. She was right. 22 years have gone by.
Yeh, I nursed them through 11 years of poor health. I want my 11 years back.
Nothing particular I did. My parents both died in my early thirties. There were ill during my twenties and I chafed under their dependency and the responsibility. My older brother did much more for them than I. I have regretted that more and more with each passing decade.
When I was in my first year in high school and at a new school, I was going to go on some class trip to see a play. My mom wanted to come along as a chaperone. Not because she wanted to keep an eye on me, but because she wanted to see the play. I was new to the school, really had not made any friends yet and I didn't want her to see how unpopular I was. But instead, I told her I didn't "want my mommy tagging along". The look on her face tore me in half right there. After that, when there was a class trip I thought she would enjoy I told her about them, letting her know they were looking for chaperones. I think she got the hint, that I was really making up for the time I hurt her, but she didn't let on.
You all are killing my heart tonight.
[quote]I slapped my mother, in front of a friend of mine, in my senior year of hs. She died a couple of years later.
My god, no wonder that some of you have issues with women.
Why did you slap your Mom?
You must have had a reason at the time.
That would be a harsh memory to carry,but as a parent we always forgive our children.
This thread validates my loathing of children. They aren't precious little joy- multipliers who make life worth living...they're ungrateful parasites who destroy lives.
R9 - I'm female. I had skipped school to go to the horse races with a friend. Had gone home to get something, mom showed up unexpectedly. She confronted me and told me to get my ass back in class, and on our front steps...I lost it and slapped her.
I don't know what the FUCK I was thinking. My parents especially mom never laid a hand on me. I was so mortified at that moment, and still am. I've never even mentioned this to another person. My friend I was with was also shocked by my actions.
Horrible. I was horrible. I hope my sweet mother forgave me.
Get ready for the mother MARY of all regrets. . .
When I was a kid, I wanted a particular outfit from the "Barbie and the Rockers" doll line. My mother didn't want to spend money on it (or more likely didn't have the money at that time.)
However, I plagued her so much, she finally offered a compromise: she would sew my doll the outfit of my choosing.
She was a very good seamstress, but of course the outfit didn't turn out exactly like the one in the store. I had a completely hissy fit and threw the outfit in the trash.
To this day, I feel so remorseful about that because my mom took so much time out to hand sew that damn thing. It was a more heartfelt gesture than if she had just gone out and bought it. I was probably no more than 5 or 6 at the time, but the memory of my meanness still sticks with me and makes me feel ashamed.
What a depressing thread. Here's mine anyway. I brought home a new beau from the big city to introduce to my family in a small, industrial town. My mom, a longtime clerical worker, had set out appetizers she probably thought were fancy. Except, it was imitation shrimp and crab. She never had served real shrimp or crab to us. I was so embarrassed by the big, fake-shaped shrimp and worried what would be for dinner, that my BF and I left soon after introductions to eat at a cafe just us, family at home-- I was so hungry from the long drive. My mom looked hurt. My haste was because I was so mortified my BF would think less of us. In hindsight, that is when good humor at the right moment can be the shocks on the bumpy road of life. Cut to years later, we're all still together and my BF, then spouse, and I introduced Mom, to her horror: sushi in the big city. Of course, she handled it w/ grace and class, just like I should have in the incident prior.
I convinced my mom my sister was dead.
These anecdotes may be depressing, but true regret can often spur growth. In my case, I remind myself that we don't get retakes in life, although regret goes on forever. I try to make choices based on what is right and what is needed, rather than impatience and selfishness.
"I convinced my mom my sister was dead."
And it was the happiest Mother's Day ever!
Interesting thread topic. I would be too afraid to slap my mom ( it wouldn't end well), but I feel for R1 and many of the posters in this thread.
Lots of small things, but mostly not being empathetic enough when they were ill because I had so much going on with my life at the time. I was young too and now that I'm older I wish I had done things differently.
There's two of them. First one; I told my mom that my dad was having an affair (he wasn't). I was a horrible hateful person as a teenager, and my mom and I faught something horrible. I felt scum of the earth guilty as soon as I said it, but couldn't/wouldn't take it back. You'd think I would have learned from that but I didn't. About two months later my mom and I were arguing about something stupid and the phone rang. I told her it was the police calling to tell her my dad had killed himself just to get away from her. Both times I could tell by the look on her face that I'd hurt her.
I moved out of the house to the city I was going to be going to college at when I graduated high school. I went home to visit right before school started and apologized to her for those things as well as all the other mean and stupid things I'd said and done. I wasn't expecting forgiveness but she hugged me and told me that she loved me and nothing I said or did would ever change that. She never brought it up again, and acted like it never happened.
That was 30 years ago and my mom and I were very close friends after that until she died last year. Among other things, she taught me to forgive anyone who genuinely apologized and to treat them like it never happened.
I don't have a single memory of either of my parents; they're just faces on a photograph.
I'm having trouble reading this thread. I have something to say but I just can't say it, and will likely have a few nightmares tonight after thinking about where I came from, and the miracles that must have happened to get me here today.
I would take back NOT expressing myself and standing up to my hateful mother. I never even remember having a conversation with my "father" but when he had a massive stroke at age 43 everyone sure expected me to bend over backwards to pretend like we had some sort of relationship.
My "mother" spent every day ranting and raving about how much she hated her life and her choices, and how she hoped I would have children and end up hating my life the same way she did.
I see how this has impacted my life, but at least I had some career success and can sit alone in my beautiful house with my dog and do what I wish without being constantly berated.
Sorry to be a drag in the thread, but I think this may end up being cathartic. I wish I could have been a child at some point. I wish I could go back to the adolescent version of myself and hug me, whispering that I would make it out alive and have all of the peace and quiet that I dreamed of.
We all have our personal hell, I guess.
I have a vivid memory of my mother forbidding me to eat a bowl of cereal before dinner. I had one end of the Cheerios box, she had the other. We both pulled, the box split in half, Cheerios went flying through the air. I remember exactly what she was wearing that day. It was a lilac, angora, cowl-neck sweater because I followed the Cheerios from the folds of the collar up to her eyes. I immediately did a 180 and ran out the back door with her hot on my heels. We lived across the street from a baseball field and I ran across the patio, through the front yard, and over to the baseball diamond with her after me. We began to run the bases! But then I felt terrible, because she was a smoker and she was gasping, coughing and she finally gave up. I just stood there on third base and watched her walk into the house.
I was about 5 years old and I pitched a fit because I didn't like the birthday cake my mom had for me.
I was an overly clingy child. My mother tried everything to get me out of the house to make me socialize with kids my own age. At times she would get so aggravated, she'd tell me to go play in traffic.
I was about 13 when she started hiring kids my age to work on her huge garden etc. She'd put me to work along side them hoping for friendship. I got to suck one dick, but that was about it.
At 16, I met a family that let me hang out (lots of chores) away from home. They were loud, hilarious, dysfunctional and they smoked. I was in heaven.
Somewhere down the line, my mother asked why I never included her in this family's adventures. My answer was cold.
God yes. When I was 17, my parents and I were at war. I thought I knew everything and I deliberately went out of my way to hurt them.
Once I left in the middle of the night to stay with a friend of mine in New Jersey (I'm from Canada), I didn't leave a note, my mom woke up just as I was lugging the suit case out the door. I stayed with my friend for three months. Christmas rolled around and knowing where my parents would be, I made a point to call there and wish everyone a Merry Christmas but them.
I'm 24 now. I was a fucking idiot. Thank god for my parents, I don't know where the hell I would be without them. I hate the things I did and what I put them through. We have an amazing relationship now but I know I really hurt them. I will always feel guilty.
If there's any justice, I'll have a daughter just like me one day.
You bitches need to take it up a notch.
I let mine take the fall for something I did.
Actually, now that I think about it, I don't regret that at all.
My mother is no angel but she didn't deserve this.........In high school we had a vicious argument over the phone that ended with me telling her that I hope she "dies of cancer." I was an 18 year old idiot and had picked up that lovely little insult off of television somewhere. At the time I had no idea of just how serious & devastating cancer could be. Now I do. Mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer 4 years ago & went through months of the usual radiation & chemotherapy treatments. I was there with her every step of the way. Her cancer went into remission for three years but last Summer we were informed that it had come back & spread throughout her lungs & neck. She now lives with me & I'm her caretaker, making sure she gets to her doc appts, radiation & chemo treatments & eats properly, etc. I apologized to her on her hospital bed 4 years ago about my careless remark but it still eats me up to this day!
I have a question:
How many of you lashed out because you couldn't take their shit anymore?
R31 , I wrote R30 . My mother has always been mentally, verbally & emotionally abusive. IMO she's struggled for decades with un-diagnosed schizophrenia, paranoia, bipolar syndrome (which she was unofficially diagnosed with by a doc she worked for at one point) & severe manic depression (which was passed on to me). All untreated! Very cantankerous woman. It's so bad that I've had doctors & nurses who have been treating her pull me aside & inquire about her mental state. They don't know the half of it & the PURE, UNDILUTED, UNFILTERED HELL I've had to go through all of my life with this woman. Not one fucking day "On The Good Ship Lollipop" for me. I'm not sure she can help being a pain in the ass....she just has to be one!
R32, I asked because I'm starting to see mental deterioration with my mom, she's almost 80 and has started to forget things. When I have conversations with her she repeats things again and again and when I say that she has she snaps at me.
She has poor control over her finances, I don't worry about that because my brother and sister live with her and they handle it.
However she views me as an on-demand ATM. I actually don't ever hear from her unless she wants money. I bailed her out of foreclosure four years ago (some $18,000) and she turned right around and got it back in foreclosure again.
She lashes out and tells me what an ungrateful son I am and how I don't care for her. I've ground my teeth to stumps and bitten my tongue in half in order to keep from saying anything about how I really feel, so I keep my distance instead.
R33 , I'm in a similar situation right now. I'm caring for someone who makes every little task much more difficult than it should be. Mental Health aside........not only have I incurred expenses caring for my mom but I've lost income due to all of the time I've had to take off of work. Not good for someone who recently finished their MBA program & has school loans up the wazoo.
The only piece of advice I can give you is to not say anything out of anger & so harsh that you'll regret it. Think of a constructive way to say what you have say. Lately I've been reduced to a teenager who just walks away & curses privately until I cool down. It works.
any of the countless times I felt forced to say I love you especially to my father. Fuck them. I wish I had cut them out of my life long ago and never looked back.
I was never anything but a show pony to them and hearing I love you was just to assuage the guilt they knew they felt for stealing my life so they would have something to show for their miserable ones.
[quote]She lashes out and tells me what an ungrateful son I am and how I don't care for her.
It's performance art - like the toddler who says he won't love you if you don't buy him a toy.
If you're the whipping boy of the family, you have to ignore her snippiness. You're the one she trusts to tell her the truth and you're the one who still treats her like an adult.
It sucks. It will end.
R24 with the Cheerios flying and running the bases wins!
I stole money from my dad and used his credit cards without knowledge.
I'll turn the tables and post a regret my Dad told me HE had. Long story.
My parents were old school disciplinarians, and I was a Daddy's girl. One day I did something (neither of us remembers what it was), and he blew up and got his belt. I was 12, I think, and had been reading about the Stoics. I'd also been reading about depersonalization (I was a weird kid).
As the blows fell, I just went to an inside place and was shocked how well it worked. I felt nothing. Finally I "came to" and realized Dad's whipping was going unusually long. So I said "Ow, Daddy OW"--and he stopped immediately.
30 years later we were talking about everything and nothing, and he asked if I remembered the incident. I said I did.
Now, my Dad has never once apologized to anyone in the family I know of. But that day he said how much he regretted doing what he did to me, but had done it because I never said a word. It unnerved him, my tiny self just sitting there taking a belt-beating from a man. Just looking at him without emotion. No tears. Unnerved him them, unnerved him all those years. That day he told me he kept waiting for my "signal" to stop. I told him I'd finally realized that, which was why I had cried out and pretended to be hurt. I told him I'd never felt a thing.
That was the last time he spanked me. It was nice to hear my tough old Dad say he was sorry.
If my parents agreed to take back the shit they did to me -- and I'd want it in writing, notarized, before I'd even look at it -- then MAYBE I would take something back.
I lost my wonderful mom 3 months ago. She was 87 and had lived with me for a while. I took care of her, but we got along really well, and it was my pleasure to do so. Four years ago, I invited my brother to move in with us temporarily. He'd been laid-off of his job in another state and seemed to be hurting. Long story short, he'd apparently become a mess mentally, and he made our lives really tough. Mom and I kept giving him chances to get his act together, but he wouldn't, and was always throwing the blame for his bad behavior on us. He caused a lot of stress, and sometimes I was snappish with my mom because of that.
I regret that the last 4 years of Mom's life were spent in the turmoil created by my brother. We finally had a good plan in place to have him removed from the house legally, but she went downhill suddenly and died in the hospital. We were really looking forward to getting back to enjoying a peaceful life together, and that never happened.
I know she didn't blame me for this, but I feel guilty that trying to help my brother had such a negative impact on our daily life. I miss her so much. She was a really special person and I was lucky to have her as my mom.
That big, rocky slippery cliff. The sky was so blue that day.
I called my mother a cunt behind her back but she heard me.
She had been pestering and badgering me to come out and I just wanted her to back off.
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
We are switching to the new platform for The DataLounge this weekend. All of our mobile users have been using it for over a week and all first time users have been using it for about a month - which adds up to well over one million users. So we're ready to end this phase of the testing and move everybody to the new site. (more)
And yes, we've changed the look and some of how it operates.
Yes, we know you just *hate* it in well in advance.
Yes, we know we suck.
Yes, we are the biggest suckers that ever sucked.
But it was time for a change and with the huge shift to mobile it was long overdue. We've taken this opportunity not only to update the look but also make major changes under the hood (or "bonnet" if you're either British or pretentious or both). And we have to prepare for 2016 - a presidential election year where we can normally expect to see a 60% jump in traffic (yes, we've seen 5 presidential elections so far…Christ we're old).
The site has a bunch - nay, plethora - of new features which will make the site more usable: better search, the ability to ignore posters and threads, see link previews, to pick up a thread where you left off, spam and malware filtering and more.
If you want you can go explore and see for yourself, Click here.
And while running the tests we've noticed two interesting reactions to the new system - people are spending more time on the site and more people that come stay around longer and look at more stuff. Both good things. Yay!
Possibly we've not slain all the dragons and there will be issues that come up during the switchover. There's a help button in the lower right hand corner of the page which you can use to send us bug reports.
Please include as much information about the hardware (PC, Mac, Tablet, Phone etc), operating system (Windows, Mac OS, Android, iOS etc) and browser (Chrome, Safari, Opera, Internet Explorer etc) that you are using as possible to help us replicate and fix the problem.
Please note that complaints about colors, fonts, icons and the like are not "bugs" - they are design choices that we've made and we expect one or two cases of world-class bitching. But they won't actually cause headaches, scurvy, heart attacks, Restless Leg Syndrome, Morgellon's Disease or the vapors (but have your smelling salts at hand just in case).
Talking to DataLounge servers. Please wait a moment...