My fiance Paul is really a great, solicitous guy, but I was too scared to commit myself to a marriage.I literally left him at the altar.
Just before the ceremony, I turned to the guests and started blathering about how I could not marry him today. I just had a total meltdown, thanking the guests for the gifts, telling them that I would return all of them to them. I assured them that Paul was a great guy, but that I was just basically having an existential crisis.
I would have really done Paul a disservice by marrying him. To be honest, I was never really all that comfortable in his company.
OK, I've confessed. I'm alone tonight and relieved, but feeling guilty.
Do you think my fiance will ever forgive me?
Who gets married on a Wednesday anyway?
Paul will be ok, Amy
I mean it
Girls pass and look at me with your eyes
I've seen an audience of Amy's
Watch a cast of Amy's
Act in a play
Seems there are more of you everyday
What can it mean?
What can it mean?
I caught a stadium of Amy's
Standing up to cheer
Choruses of Amy's
Symphonies of Amy's
Ringing in my ear
I know what it means
I know what it means
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready now
All that it takes is two
Amy, you, Amy
I know what it means
I know what it means
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'll say it
Marry me now
I stumbled across your predicament. It sounds awful. But I have to finish the hat.
This thread is useless without naked pictures of Paul.
OP, it's back to the showers!
Does Paul have a big dick, Amy?
If any of the guests don't take back their stuff, you can give it to me.
Is this a s0ap thre4d? (Not sure if those words are banned yet)
R8 could drive a person crazy.
I want my mommy.
My life is not a soap, R8 !
Sorry, I'm feeling very fragile. My best friend, whom I called a little while ago, lightened the mood by joking that there are always hundreds of new people in NYC everyday to choose from.
I personally find NYC to be very lonely. I know that she does too. She was just trying to put on a brave face for me.
I'm lounging in my caftan.
Planning a lunch.
Well, she's not really my best friend, but she seems to understand me, finally.
We actually met through friends of friends who we really never knew. She used to be rather mousy, suggesting getting together for coffee, asking when we should meet up or whether we should just postpone or forget about it. She really has issues.
OP, what's going on with your (ex) fiancé?
Well, R14, he's wonderful. He was so eager to marry me. He told me, "Today is for you!"
I just cracked under the pressure, I think.
I've been trying to call my friend Robert. He is a great listener. I keep getting a busy signal. He doesn't have voice mail for some reason.
I'm feeling so manic. The speech I gave at the would-be wedding keeps reverberating in my head.
It's like a broken record.
You do realize who she's talking about, even if she has no idea who she's talking to.
Don't leave the cake in the rain.
R1 smells the same fish I do.
OP, have you ever been to you?
If we're quick, for a kick, we could pick up a christening?
Amy, I talked to Paul the night before the ceremony and he too had his doubts. I asked him if it was your sudden and unfortunate weight gain? No, he said quietly. Is it her Tourettes? Her facial hair? Her flatulance? That dead eye? What is it?
He said, I dunnow. And that said everything to me.
You've got to want to marry SOMEbody, not just some BODY.
I am actually giving the cake to my mother to give to some friends of hers who are having a luncheon tomorrow in honor of some charity. It seems like all they do is have lunch.
God, I wish life were that simple.
Worst. Thread. Ever.
Don't worry, Amy. Paul's in a good place right now. He's hit his head on the desktop twice but other than that he's really happy. And no teeth!
I agree, R22.
My mother just called and said, "Poor Baby". I wanted to slap her.
God, I just wish that there were someone who could really understand me. I want some company right now but I know that I would only be blubbering on their shoulder.
Go get bent, R24. I'm sorry if my life bores you. You can go pick another thread.
Well Amy, burn your bridges now and then or you'll never grow. Now You Know!
R24 this thread is AWESOME! If on the night of Merrily being in movie theaters you can't find excitement with a Sondheim thread you are a very sad individual.
Get Howie Hoffsteader to pose as you at the ceremony, it will be a hoot.
It's getting really bad. Three of Paul's friends/ wedding guests left me scathing voice mails.
Was nobody listening? I tried with all my heart to make my position clear at the wedding. I don't know what else I can do to make my feelings understood without hurting Paul.
You just ruined this for me.
And I had bought a new hat to wear to the ceremony.
Somebody get me another vodka stinger.
You can't phone in a bomb threat like everybody else?
No! It has to be you, you, you!
To be honest, Amy, I'm sort of relieved you left me. Who could love a woman who serves boiled orange juice for breakfast?
R1 called it. Nobody gets married on a Wednesday.
poor r35, I condole you
Stick to Catholics from now on, Amy.
Damn! and I bought a new hat for the wedding.
Amy, you'll be regretfully happy that you did this. Or not.
Wtf is going on? Is this for real, or some movie or soap thread?
Joan @ R40, you passed out for some inexplicable reason!
Did it cause...
I am beside myself. I took a Valium and am trying to sleep, but my guilt is overwhelming. My friend Robert is still not answering my call and it's too late to call him now.
I keep thinking about what I must have done to Paul; I've had more than one past failed relationship. I can't stop hearing my last boyfriend yelling at me as I finished packing up. He told me that I could drive a person crazy. No, not told, but yelled it at me at the top of his lungs. I thought he was going to sock me.
I really wonder if I'm just not the relationship kind of person. I'm much happier in the company of friends with a casual dating situation. Maybe I need to go into therapy to get a better sense of my womanhood. My mother was always a slave to my father. I used to see him humiliate her if she so much as accidentally dropped a pork chop on the floor while serving. She had a drinking problem, but that's a whole other issue.
I'm just trying to keep myself together. I will be fine, I know. I just wish that women had more options in this world. I barely know how to type and my shorthand is practically non-existent.
My 'crazy' friend Alice might be right: I'm kicking myself for nothing.
Well, anyway, I'm going to try to sleep. I might take a second Valium. I just need a good night's sleep, I guess. I'll deal with things in the morning.
do you think Robert is gay, op?
I am so proud of Datalounge right now.
Robert being gay?
Yes, he is usually very happy.
Yet, there's a trace of melancholy in him from time to time. A lost, puppy-dog look. He's hard to read sometimes. He's never available to go out for dinner anymore. He always tells me that he's visiting friends downtown. Go figure.
But, he's my best friend.
Paul's been fucking Bobby. I just didn't want to be the one who told you, but now ...
Oh, and he cruises the arcades on 42nd Street. He's a sloppy bottom.
I'm just so worried about Paul.
This is my only outlet. I really miss his company, believe it or not. I was just not ready to be a wife and mother.
Maybe I want to have a career. We can't have both, can we? What kind of mother would leave her kids in someone else's hands while she tries to work her way up in the secretarial pool?
I just think that there is more for me in the world. I know that my parents are furious with me. Maybe I'll just sling some hash in some diner somewhere, LOL. They'd be horrified, but I'd be making my own way, huh?
maybe you could get a job as a flight attendant
You are vile, R46. Bobby just hasn't found the right girl. Who do you think you are, mister??
As far as sloppy, Bobby has always been an impeccable dresser. His bottom half has always been dressed in crisply-pressed Brooks Brothers trousers.
And, who doesn't like arcades? I love playing at the shooting galleries. I've won enough tickets to get myself a cute little teddy bear and more. I still have the roll of tickets looped around my bedpost.
Marriage is not a gumball machine. It's not about chance or a funny lucky charm. If you don't want to spend your life with him, ditch it, give him the opportunity to be happy (without you).
Bobby looks different to me. A few months ago he reminded me of a Disney actor but lately he seems different.
omg r50....how embarrassing for you!
Don't believe he'll never be happy without you. He will.
I agree, R50. I only want the best for him.
I'm just all tied up in guilt right now.
I'm trying to get to the point where I can sleep, but the clock keeps going tick-tock, tick-tock.
I'm still feeling no effect from the Valium.
God, I should have bought some reefer from the cute guy I met at a party in Harlem with the big afro. They say it makes you feel all melty.
Anything to make me sleep would be a joy.
Why else would I continue to type at this random board? It feels so futuristic. Maybe I am highly melty, after all.
yes r53 I think his little chat with Joanne really set him on the right path.
I am still struggling to sleep.
Paul's oldest sister, Gladys, called to ball me out. She was never one of my favorites. She was too eager to see me pregnant and barefoot. I wanted to tell her that I'm not Ether Kennedy. Ohh, sorry, I shouldn't take that woman's name in vain. She lost her husband to the service of the American people. The wound would be so raw for her.
Anyway, she tells me that I will become an old lady with too many cats, a bottle of sherry, and a dusty picture of Paul next to my bed. God, I hope that there is more to life than just reliving my failures.
I'm almost ready to take another half of a Valium. I just can't sleep.
What's the secret to sleeping with guilt? Surely someone must know!
Amy honey, Paul is gay (and in denial) anyway. You're doing him, and yourself, a great favor by aborting this doomed matrimony.
Of course he will never forgive you.
But then, you knew that.
You are the second person to suggest such deviance, R59 . I have nothing against deviants, mind you. I've met a few at parties. I guess that 'deviant' is not the best word. Isn't it homophile?
I really don't think that Paul is one of them. I just don't. He was too frisky with me, if you know what I mean. The day was supposed to be all about me, according to him. That would say to me that he really wanted to satisfy me.
You are just wrong, R59 , just wrong. Paul wanted a woman. He wanted me, specifically.
God, I need an analyst. There, I admitted it: I am in need of analysis.
I'm bearing my soul here. Why not? Where else can I share my darkest, deepest secrets??
God, I have so much to learn about myself.
When did I stop feeling like I knew myself? I'm beginning to feel like I need a good cry.
I've got to get off of this merry-go-round of guilt and pain and more guilt.
I guess it is the pills talking. I've got to get to bed.
She was the boring one, right?
Amy, are you awake yet? You didn't overdose did you, god forbid? Amy, did Paul have tinymeat? Was that the problem? Well dear, no one can blame you for leaving him at the altar then. No one wants tinymeat the rest of their life.
"I didn't go to my wedd-ing, because I was dread-ing, the thought of marrying you....."
Thread over: Send in the Clowns.
But please, on my knees, don't go to Arizona and work in a diner with Linda Lavin.
So . . . now it's all over - where you going? Barcelona?
Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody's here, I
want to thank you all for coming to the wedding, I'd appreciate
your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things
to do, and not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know,
the man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin
anyone as wonderful as he is--
Thank you all
For the gifts and the flowers,
Thank you all,
Now it's back to the showers,
Don't tell Paul,
But I'm not getting married today.
Bless this day,
Tragedy of life,
Husband joined to wife.
The heart sinks down and feels dead
This dreadful day.
Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for,
a wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual
where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is
maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is
followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize he's
saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me, which he should--
I'm in Barcelona on my own. Paul didn't want the tickets. He came to my house and flung them at me.
It would have been our honeymoon.
I'm still not so sure I made the right decision.
Well, anyway, my friend Robert needs to get married more than I do. Everyone he knows seems to think so.
Then again, If you ask me, I think his friends (myself included)are a little too preoccupied with Robert's life. He shouldn't be pressured so.
"I'm still not so sure I made the right decision."
Amy, you made the right decision. It's your family and friends who made the wrong decision. It would be easier to let you know that he was gay, or that he had a girlfriend but the truth is that his investment firm is being investigated by the SEC.
Everything he promised you in terms of your future lifestyle was a lie.
I have two words for you. Ruth Madoff.
Who's Ruth Madoff? One of Paul's old girlfriends?
God, I hope he does find happiness with someone.
SEC, LOL? No, Paul's investments are always small,sound,and above-board. Money really never mattered to me, anyway.
I've been stuffing myself with tapas and missing the fact that they don't have Diet Pepsi over here in Spain.
And,in addition, all my high school Spanish has seemed to escape me. I understand nothing when I hear the Barcelonians speak. It's as if they have their own language or something.
Another bullshit post.
Oh for God sake r73. Play along or go away. Our Amy is hurting.
Bullshit? How old are you, R73 ?
I really don't care what you think, R73 .
I'm listening to Sergio Mendes playing over the loud speakers near the pool. "I'm Going Out of My Head", specifically. I want to cry.
I will never be returning here. Ever.
I just didn't want to get married that day.
The guilt is coming back like an uncontrollable wave. I just wish I could disappear into the woods somewhere. It's agony.
Not a day goes by, eh, old friend? What do you say, old friend?
Thank you so much, R74 . It's not as if I can just merrily roll along as if nothing ever happened.
R74, you are the kind of person who I would never let get away from me if you were among my circle of friends. You could climb the highest tree, but I'd be there somehow.
Some (other) people/posters must lead such hum-drum lives so as not have been exposed to the complexity of passion and conflict. Call me cynical, but I feel that sooner or later, everyone will experience the inner conflict that I have felt.