I am 46, I own my own home and have a vacation condo, I make 290K a year, I work out 5 times a week and am in very good shape, shaved head with a goatee, good looking..but I can't seem to find guys interested in a relationship? I can get laid every night if I want to do random hook ups or go to bars but I am looking for something a little more lasting. I have tried meeting guys at the gym, grocery store, fixed up by friends hell even blind dates - and nothing seems to work out. Guys my age all are having mid lifes and doing HGH and wanting 20 year olds. guys in their 30's don't want to settle down and guys in their 20's want a daddy to take care of them.
I'm not a homebody, I love going out, clubs, dinner, parties, movies, love to travel and can have fun in hawaii or miami and all points in between. Where are all the good men at? Or am I just too damn picky?
picky … and stay picky, my friend.
It seems like you brag too much. Nobody likes that shit. I'm just being honest.
[quote] I am 46
DING DING DING
You're a picky braggart.
...and your penis size is?
Too much of your self-worth and what you think you have to offer is tied up in superficial shit. So that's what you attract.
Old, ugly, out-of-shape people all over the world manage to form loving relationships with other people. You're asking all the wrong questions.
Forgive me it was all the simple shit to list, I have the soul of an angel, patient kind and understanding. Oh and I have 7.5x7 - yeah it's thick :)
what is a John Benjamin Hickey? ..I live in LA already.
What are the right questions r8?
You sound like a catch. Are you considerate, courteous and do you have a good personality?
Seems to me as if gay guys are damn stupid, shallow, assholes.
R5 did you not read the latest? Penis size DOES NOT MATTER.
Okay, start telling us what you're not telling us, and be dead honest. Because so far, it appears that every else is seeing them pretty clearly too.
OP, you clearly have an enormous humility deficit. That's probably a big part of it. Short answer? It's your personality.
Why did your last bf break up with you?
What would you look like if you grew your hair out?
OP I'm not being sarcastic here-try these 2 sites. The people on them are also looking for relationships.
Okcupid.com and coffeemeetsbagel.com
I have known people who met their current bfs off both sites. They are NOT sex/hook up sites.
Coffeemeetsbagel.com? Never heard of that one.
If only desperation and low self esteem made us more attractive, what a wonderful world it would be...
R20 I didn't know of it either until a couple months ago when my friend successfully found a bf on it. It's private too so no one is up in your business.
I think it's really, really telling that the list of qualities that you think make you a good catch is polluted with such utter superficial, humble-bragging bullshit, and that 2 of the 10 sentences you've written are designed to draw attention to your alleged sexual prowess.
That guy you described as having a mid-life crisis by wanting to play daddy to children half his age? Congratulations, that's you.
OP, you sound like a great guy, but I'm inclined to think that "maybe it's you." When opportunities arise, you probably dismiss them in the hopes that something better will come along. I'm 33 and have a lot in common with you; however, when I'm honest with myself I'm forced to admit that I'm too damn picky.
It's not a matter of humility, It's not like I list these things before every date I was simply stating I am a man of a particular age and station in life with much to offer in and out of the bedroom. My last long term relationship was 10 years. He started doing Meth at age 39 and I put my foot down and told him It was me or the meth. He wanted to continue to do meth so we broke up. Since then I have been single. I didn't date for a few years. I just started looking about a year ago. Most of my friends are muscle daddy circuit queens so that is not a very deep pool to pull from. Like I said I have tried dating sites, blind dates etc...
Ok, OP, now be honest, Do you have any body parts of former tricks in your refrigerator?
r24 bitter much? I listed the most superficial stuff because seriously that is what people see at first. You want paragraphs about how I am a humanitarian and love children and ponies? Please.
no just my mother....is that wrong?
The specificity of the list of attributes suggest somebody doesn't realize that he thinks he's extra special, which may be getting in the way of meeting that special someone, either because he's too picky or he's too arrogant.
This isn't turning out the way Opie hoped.
OP, I wish you lived in Nashville. I'd ask to meet for coffee so we could compare stories. I'm in a similar situation. I can meet guys for sex all the freakin' time, but no one I meet is interested in more than that. I don't want to brag, but I'm a good guy. I'm not rich like OP, but I'm ivy educated, intelligent, well traveled, well read, have a good sense of humour, etc. But no one seems to care. I'm 56, and have the one thing that a great deal of gay men run from: age. I suspect that I will not kiss anyone who loves me ever again, and it seems like a loss for both me and for whomever I could have shared that kiss with. I'm just past my sell-by date in the gay world.
Hey OP, look me up on BM. I'm 47, fit, professional, and nice:).
Location might have something to do with your dilemma, OP. I live in an area where guys in their 30s seem to be clamoring to settle down...as long as potential partners have the right resume/Ivy League degree.
I know how you feel, R32. I'm 49... I know it's over for me.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!
I live in LA 260k is middle class income....I never said I was rich.
Perhaps you Are picky. I feel you could meet some one you just need to change something your doing and maybe your looking in the wrong places for that person.
Oh, well, you'll never find anybody in LA.
[quote]260k is middle class income
Asshole status confirmed. Thread closed!
[quote] but I can't seem to find guys interested in a relationship?
Perhaps it's because you end sentences that aren't questions with question marks.
R24 already read this sad, silly queen for filth.
I'm sorry miss, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own!
Go back to the ugly one, OP.
L.A. Is your problem.
So what did you want here, OP? Why did you post this thread? To start a DL pity party where we all reassuringly slobber over your dick, property and bank account, and console you with anecdotes about good things coming to people who wait and plenty of fish in the sea?
Because you obviously didn't start it to receive actual feedback, i.e., all of your failed attempts at relationship only have one common denominator: you.
Also, it's still telling that the easiest attributes for you to list about yourself are superficial.
From my own observations, if you're wondering why you're alone in spite of what a great catch you are, you've answered your own question. Those of us in relationships have found another person who appreciates us for who we are while we appreciate for who they are. Thinking you are God's gift is not attractive to human beings who are not in the sex trade.
How do you feel about monogamy, Mr. Darcy?
r40 you ever lived in southern California? Try getting a 1600 sq foot house for less than 1 million. With taxes, housing costs, cost of living (food, utils etc) it expensive to live in LA...besides it was kind of a joke - if you lived in NYC or LA you would get it.
Maybe the OP isn't as attractive as he thinks he is. Ugly people can get fucked, but you're going to have to lower your standards if you want love.
To be fair, OP listed the attributes that are often discussed on DL (age, income, shape, looks)....if he didn't, everyone would've jumped on him about hiding this information.
That said, OP, I think you know you are too picky. For you and all the other guys on here who think they are too old and have given up...loosen and lighten up. There is probably someone out there who will truly love you, but you probably need to step down off your pedestal. You also have to make more of an effort to look.
You dated a guy who did meth? You have a shaved head? Your friends are "muscle marys?'' The composite of your post
indicates that YOU are the problem.
[quote] I work out 5 times a week and am in very good shape, shaved head with a goatee, good looking
If ever a thread were useless without photos, it's this one. Please provide a link to your BigMuscle profile.
Man this is great - I love people trying to "read me to filth" on the same forum with 30 colton haynes threads - which I am pretty sure would be the same people drooling over every stat or undie pic ever posted of him.
I don't need a pity party - and I can handle any and all feedback. If I cared what other people thought about me I would stay off the internet.
Trust me every snide comment or question about maybe it's me, or I focus on the superficial, I have asked myself plenty of times. Just soliciting feedback - I can take it all and filter out the hater bs.
LOL Yes because that will help.
Shut-up, no closing the thread!
If you come off if person like you do in your post, you sound like a douchebag.
RE: I live in LA 260k is middle class income....I never said I was rich.
Many people make big money in L.A. although this is not middle class income. Working people do not make this kind of salary in L.A. unless they own the firm.
[quote]I live in LA
I think that you just answered your own question.
260k is middle class income everywhere in the US, upper middle class, but still technically part of the middle class.
OP, you either work in real estate or the entertainment industry, don't you.
What is your job, OP?
Well, it's like out your way.
I forgot to ask....what about men in their late 40s/early 50s? Or even older? You only mention men your age or younger. Slightly older guys might be more settled like you are and ready to get into a LTR.
Also, you didn't mention looking online. Give that a try.
How is your anus?
No, it's not, Ann Romney.
r61 yes I work in entertainment...
Brant looks like Matt Bomer's twin brother, is he gay?
OP at least you've had a ltr at some point in your life. I'm almost 55 and have never had a date. It's over for me before it began.
r64 age is just a number...all depends..and as long as they don't wear depends....
RE: yes I work in entertainment...
The answer to your own question, OP.
OMG, wrong thread! How did that happen??
I am a wealthy landowner of certain privilege. I have replaced my personality with stories about my possessions and successes, because personality traits like "kindness" and "humor" and "intelligence" are for people living below the poverty line, which I define as making less than a quarter of million dollars a year (LA and NYC residents will get the joke, the rest of you can go fuck yourselves).
Me and my gigantic, thick dick can cruise my gym and Grindr all day and night, but everyone runs away screaming the second I open my mouth. What gives? All of my friends are flaming, muscle-bound circuit queens chasing after twinks day and night, which is so pathetic. All I want is to be loved and appreciated by someone less than half my age, someone who will love me for what I am: a gigantic bank account with a sick workout routine.
So tell me, DL, what is wrong...with literally everyone else in the world except me and my gigantic 7.5x9 dick?
p.s. no fats, fems or poor ppl"
A shaved head always turns be off. I don't care if a guy is balding, that's normal and natural but there ain't nothing natural about a shaved head.
Dear OP: if you're that high net worth, and decent looking, why are you hanging out on DL?
As someone who posted on this thread, I would like to register that I have never posted on a Colton Haynes thread. The fact that there are other people who post on a Colton Haynes thread has nothing to do with my point of view. The fact that someone might think that the fact that there is a Colton Haynes thread has anything to do with this thread makes me worry that maybe there are minors posting on here, who have not yet comprehended that the other person on the internet is not, in fact, a single person.
We all turn into Miss Marple, OP.
[quote]260k is middle class income everywhere in the US
Charlie, is that you?
260k is middle class NOWHERE. The common cutoff is 250K. Maybe if OP was supporting his non-working spouse who stays home to raise their three college-bound kids could it be argued that he's living a middle class lifestyle, but a single person with no dependents who owns multiple homes and brings home over a quarter mil a year is NOT middle class by any stretch.
Christ, it boggles the mind how out of touch some of you really are.
R69 needs to make the noose right now.
I haven't read the whole thread so someone else may have already mentioned this but, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the first things out of your mouth are references to your possessions and money. Like attracts like - superficial attracts superficial. Sorry!
Do you have bad breath? Fart a lot? You seem braggy.
Upper middle class income goes up to the lower millions. You can look it up rather than basing it on your self-important attitude r78.
I really wanted to hate the OP because of his obnoxious OP, but now I actually hope he finds what he is looking for, whatever that is.
I have always said: If you're single and THAT old there's a reason. You are the problem. Stop focusing on yourself. It's not attractive. Neither is someone who is constantly looking for a relationship.
OP, do you eat peas one at a time?
[quote]shaved head with a goatee
Well there is that.
I'm betting you have an overpowering odor of some kind.
LOL @ R75 who has watched too many episodes of Dynasty. What exactly do you think someone of means SHOULD be doing instead, R75? Lounging on his yacht and sipping champagne while getting a massage from a cabin boy? All types are represented here. It might come as a shock to hear this, but rich people like to relax and read gay gossip too.
Are you a . . . Coffee Cradler?
I wonder if there's anyone specific the OP is interested in at the moment. He's better off if he's not focusing on a particular person and asking these Big Questions. So, OP do you have any current crushes? What further advice to give depends on your answer.
r78 I support my niece she is in her first year of college, my brother and his wife died and I have raised her since she was 12.
He works in entertainment, he's genetically incapable of focusing on anything other than himself.
BTW, OP, is entertainment code for porn?
[quote] shaved head with a goatee
In other words, OP looks like 95% of over-40 guys in any gay establishment.
Generic McPlainwrap with a personality to match.
OP, why don't you go with the Daddy option? You've got the means, so why not?
Actually, now that he says he lives in LA and works in entertainment it's pretty obvious what the problem is. He's from LA and works in entertainment... with all the attendant shallow.
You pick your teeth with a meat fork, don't you? I KNEW it ! Now you just stop that!
Lets turn this around. OP, you're wondering where all the good men are at.
What is your definition of a good man and a relationship?
What do you look like, R93?
[quote]Upper middle class income goes up to the lower millions.
Are you actually claiming that someone who brings home a yearly salary of say, 2 million dollars is middle class? Even HALF a million is about quadruple most definitions of upper middle class.
R82, please put down your solid gold, diamond-encrusted Faberge crack pipe. You are so far out of touch with reality that you sound literally insane.
Wrap your beautiful mind around this: the median income in the US is about $50,000, or less than 20% of OP's income.
"In the past few years, the "middle class" income range has been described as between $32,900 and $64,000 a year (a Pew Charitable Trusts study), between $50,800 and $122,000 (a U.S. Department of Commerce study), and between $20,600 and $102,000 (the U.S. Census Bureau's middle 60% of incomes)."
"Sociologists Dennis Gilbert, Willam Thompson and Joseph Hickey estimate the upper middle class to constitute roughly 15% of the population. Using the 15% figure one may conclude that [bold]the American upper middle class consists, strictly in an income sense, of professionals with personal incomes in excess of $62,500[/bold], who commonly reside in households with six figure incomes. The difference between personal and household income can be explained by considering that 76% of households with incomes exceeding $90,000 (the top 20%) had two or more income earners
My ideal guy ? would have a dark sense of humor, like to travel, can have fun staying home or going out. It does not matter what he does or how much he makes if I am with someone we are together, whats mine is yours and vice versa. There would have to be some sort of physical attraction on some level as well. Would have to be a great kisser that is a must.
Upper Middle Class: "Highly-educated (often with graduate degrees) professionals & managers with household incomes varying from the high 5-figure range to commonly above $100,000."
Lower Middle Class: "Semi-professionals and craftsmen with some work autonomy; household incomes commonly range from $35,000 to $75,000. Typically, some college education."
Try to stop using terms you don't understand.
"For the 50 percent of families in the middle of the scale, [bold]household income ranges from $51,000 to $123,000 for a typical four-person, two-parent family[/bold]. The median is about $81,000. Those numbers are from 2008, and have probably fallen 5 to 7 percent since then, on account of the recession. Median income for a single-parent, two-child family is about $25,000."
OP: If you like going out to bars, spending a lot of money, traveling and working out a lot, you ARE going to attract people who wanna just go out and not settle down. If you're working out hard at the gym in your late 40s, the guys you meet there that are your own age are more likely to be on HGH, aren't they? For the most part, how else are they going to see gains at that point? They're your peer group. Date someone who is not too much like you, and then prepare to meet them half way sometimes.
Are you the OP r102?
"The Pew Charitable Trusts, a research group, says [bold]the US middle class is those earning roughly between $33,000 and $64,000 a year[/bold], but few pay attention to data like that. Americans love to identify themselves as middle class, even if their incomes are much higher or lower than the national average."
OP, do you collect Beanie Babies? I love Beanie Babies. If you do I think we could hit it off.
Here's an article from the Times that highlights the differing perception of class in high-COLA areas like Manhattan. The person quoted even acknowledges that a 1/4 million a year in that environment is the upper edge of middle class.
[quote]“My niece just bought a home in Atlanta for $85,000,” she said. “I almost spend that on rent and utilities in a year. [bold]To them, making $250,000 a year is wealthy. To us, it’s maybe the upper edge of middle class.”[/bold]
I'm done bombarding you with links, but as you can see, I "looked it up" and from disparate sources that all quote differing income ranges, not one exceeds $250k/year as a definition of the upper middle class, and NO ONE claims earning in the "low millions" is anywhere near anyone's definition of upper middle class.
Consider yourself schooled.
The Cheney rule: your congressman asks for a $2 billion dollar contribution. If you can give it to him and not feel like it's any worse than filling the gas tank of your SVU, you might not be a peasant.
If you're not earning over 2 million you're not upper class. Period. The only exception is if you're from a family that once had that wealth.
You sound like a regular guy OP, I hope you find someone to love. These mean bitches are jealous of what you have and terrified of aging. If anyone has to worry about being alone it's the haters.
Being in a relationship does not solve much, not even loneliness but some people are their happiest in a couple.
[quote]I you're not earning over 2 million you're not upper class
So someone just breaking at 2 million a year is middle class? You're fucking nuts.
[quote]You don't understand money
No, you don't understand reality, Princess. And you REALLY don't understand money. Hint: having lots of something doesn't mean you understand it. The biggest moron in the world can own every book ever written; it still wouldn't make him smart.
I'm 67, out of shape, and don't have your income, OP...but almost out of nowhere I met this awesome 32 year old man. We met through a mutual friend and we both fell in love. We've been together for 3 years now and our love for each other grows with each passing day. Maybe you are just trying too hard; or possibly being too pretentious (Money can make a person that way). Just chill, relax, and enjoy life...love will follow. BTW...please don't end sentences with a preposition, as in "At." As in "Where are all the good men at?"
I think the op is earning a great salary except I don't know where he lives. Anyway, money should not be the deciding factor...what's the matter with you bunch of assholes?
Such a bunch of jerks...
OP, if you're a top I'm in love!
You're right r117. We shouldn't be discussing money. We should be discussing looks! Here's the thing. If you're good looking, you're going to meet someone. That's just how it is. Pretty boys are never lonely. If you're only so-so or ugly, then it's mostly luck that you're going to need.
The commonality among all gay men in relationships is that there is no commonality. All kinds of men are in relationships: rich, poor, middle class, no class, hung, small dick, fat, skinny, bad breath, great breath.
Some of the biggest assholes are in relationships because they just happened to find someone who puts up with their stuff or thinks they're wonderful even if everyone else thinks their partner is an asshole.
Many of the couples I know, including myself, are in relationships that started when both were in their 20's. But there are many who started relationships in every decade. I have a good friend who, after one long-term relationship that ended, found another guy when he was in his 50's and all is well and looks like it's going to stay that way.
So OP could find someone tomorrow. Sure OP, like every single person, should be a good self-examination to see what they might be doing wrong but, most likely, he's not doing anything wrong. He just hasn't lucked out like many others have.
And luck plays an important part especially at the beginning. I met my partner in college. Obviously if we had gone to different colleges we would not have met. If others had worked in different places, joined different gyms, or whatever, then they might not be in relationships either.
Of course DL is probably not the place to come for relationship advice. So I'd advise the OP to find someplace a bit more, well, supportive than DL can be.
[quote]So someone just breaking at 2 million a year is middle class? You're fucking nuts.
Yes, because class is a concept, a social construct, not just a dollar sign. It's like racism or gender, more concepts that most people here don't understand.
OP, try Asians. They like relationships and are very easy to get.
Ha! R122, I thought that too!
Just keep looking, and be open to what comes your way.
Also remember that needy isn't sexy. You don't seem to be the type that comes across as desperate, which is good, cause from that comes only loneliness.
Have you tried speed dating? (I know two pairs who've met that way.)
I met my guy on the Internet. A sex date that turned into a relationship. We've been together more than two years. And yes, I am past the grand age of 40. I actually never thought I'd have an LTR again, and had found contentment being single.
I think that's what attracted my bf: my general sense of happiness.
It's all been most unexpected. I hope you find someone. And that goes for all you other men who also think you're hopelessly too old. It's not too late.
R52 nailed it. Stop worrying about what your shallow "friends" think. Dump them all.
OP sounds insufferable.
OP, you are just proving a meme. We NEVER think WE are getting old. No sirree! I got news for you: Anyone who is left either takes drugs, drinks to excess, can't hold a job or lives with his mother.
These two sentences tell me all the I need to know:
[quote] He started doing Meth at age 39 and I put my foot down and told him It was me or the meth.
[quote] Most of my friends are muscle daddy circuit queens.
You seem to surround yourself with trashy people.
OP I think it's living in LA that's the problem. I lived there and it's really hard meeting somebody who wants a proper relationship, no matter how nice, fit or well off you are.
I lived in WeHo on 150k and I was considered "poor" and some of my friends suggested getting a sugar daddy.
[quote]I'm not a homebody, I love going out, clubs, dinner, parties, movies, love to travel and can have fun in [bold]hawaii[/bold] or [bold]miami[/bold] and all points in between.
My guess is that it is either a lack of intelligence or a lack of respect.
It may be both.
You lost me at shaved head and goatee, Mr LeVey.
OP reminds me of a friend of mine who also lamented not finding a person suitable for a relationship. She would say: "All I'm looking for is someone to worship the ground I walk on. Is that asking too much?"
" I make 290K a year, I work out 5 times a week and am in very good shape"
It does not sound as if you have time for a relationship. You probably work a lot of hours and to spend that much time in the gym...how is there even room for a relationship in your life?
You probably go to the social fast-food spots (bars, clubs, etc.) You are not going to find relationships there.
You need to be in a community to find a relationship. It will never happen with someone you meet in a club. Volunteer work, sitting on boards, belonging to community organizations, etc, After you have been around for a year or so, you probably will start meeting people with more substance.
But I do suspect that you expect to be able to change your life without making any changes in your life. If I am wrong, this is not rocket science and you can figure this out.
Also, it has been noted that you are a man in your 40s but you only discussed men in their 20s and 30s as your target--not men your own age and older. This indicates that a relationship is a kind of fantasy for you and you may not really want the real thing.
You are still the problem. OP.
Try treating people less like the help and more like they have actual souls.
Op, it's not them, it's you.
FWIW i am no where near a republican...donated and campaigned for Hilary then Obama first go round and Obama second go round.
appreciate all the feedback even the snarky acid tongued ones.
OP, you sound like a real catch and someone a lot of guys would be interested in dating; there is nothing wrong with you. The info you supplied about yourself is perfectly reasonable for the question posted, and not conceited.
You mentioned that you work in the entertainment industry and like to go out a lot....I personally would fantasize about an exciting, glamourous life, rubbing shoulders at A-list parties with VIPs, rather than staying in and watching TV with you.
May I ask - what type of man are you attracted to? If it is a 'hottie', then everyone is going to be challenged finding a monogamous, stable relationship with one - mainly because (in my experience), hot guys don't like to settle down. It makes them feel like "an old married queen", and they fear "I'll be missing out on stuff and then my looks will fade, and it will be too late".
Just my opinion.
One more thing - if you are a handsome, fit guy in his forties who is wealthy, stably employed, successful and likes to go out - I personally would probably never have the nerve to even say 'hello' to you, let alone ask you out on a date.
My perception is that guys like you would only be interested in the 'fairest of them all' and would never lower themselves to dating a Joe Average. It could be that many men are looking for the same thing as you - but feel they are out of your league.
Ew who wants a balding old man. Look the shaved head only looks good on like 6 people in the world. You ain't one of them.
[quote]love to travel and can have fun in hawaii or miami and all points in between.
Dreary destinations in my opinion -- talk about "not a very deep pool to pull from."
Think of yourself as a commodity, a list of attributes, and you'll likely get viewed --or used-- as a commodity.
what field are you in OP? Do you own ur own biz?
[quote]Where are all the good men at?
"What is WRONG?" you ask.
r141 all points between Hawaii and Miami are dreary? Meh I have been to Europe and don't really care to go back. I have been to Oz and Japan as well - I enjoyed both but those flights ugh.
So to answer the few questions piled up - I work in entertainment but not an actor or producer, I work for a large studio on the corporate side of the house.
No I don't have to have a hottie, hottie is all relative anyways.
Here is what prompted the thread. To start my 10 year relationship ended because my partner started using drugs (meth). I don't know how he got on it as we both gave up the circuit parties years ago but I suspect he wanted his old life back (parties, drugs random sex partners). It broke my heart to let him go. I was pretty much a loaner for the next two years. I concentrated on work and friends and being active. If I got hit on or asked out I would decline politely. About 6 months ago I decided to start dating again and my short synopsis is really what I got. Men my age were dying to be young again, HGH injections, botox, working out for hours on end and denying they were anywhere near 40. Literally the "40 but everyone says I look 29" crowd. It is like an epidemic in LA.
The men in their 30's don't want to settle down. It's the "brah" generation. They are all about extreme this and YOLO. They are fun but exhausting and no one seems to want to talk about commitment, that is for their 40's (and when they hit 40 they will be the HGH injection I don't look 40 crowd).
Men in their 20's fall into "ew you are like totally old" or "woof daddy!" Cute guys with lots of stamina but not really a frame of reference to talk with. They pair perfectly with the HGH injection 40 year old crowd because they can "get' a 20 year old.
A large generalization but over all my experience. It's why I started the thread. What is wrong? I thought guys wanted to settle down at a certain point.
The things I listed were simply for reference It's not bragging I was simply giving you a look into where i am at in life - on the surface. You can discount it as I am a giant a-hole because all I care about are those things but as someone else posted, if I didn't post that I would have gotten raked over the coals as well.
I do actually enjoy the feedback, nasty as it can be. I must be one of the 6 people in the world who look good with a shaved head then, because It looks good!
Shit. Wish I was a guy.
Well, would YOU want to date a skin head?
I would marry you if you didn't live in LA
Good luck R144 on your search, you have your health, that's the most important part, you will find someone who deserves you in time.
Hmm... interesting that it was not until R137 that someone asked what type is the OP attracted to. He sort of explains it in R144, but...
You're in a predicament that many of us are in. I think many are being overly harsh on you OP because of the attributes and assets that you listed. Just chalk that up to jealousy. I understand fully where you are coming from and why you feel it necessary to list those things. As you made note from another post had you not listed those things then...
I'm going to say it's you... rather the perceptions of you. You have a stable and "glamorous" job, a good income, travel (but you do like or liked your circuit party destinations), gym fit, and probably very attractive. For many, "you have your shit too much together," and they're probably intimidated by you. A perception is that circuit boys (even the former ones) want circuit boys. That is probably the farthest thing from the truth! Who wants to fight over the mirror every morning? Anyway... some software developer, engineer, professor, you get the gist, don't envision themselves fitting into your lifestyle. Should you change? Nope! But, look at maybe expanding your environment. Learn to appreciate museums (not saying that you don't but go more often), expand your reading--just go online and ask people what are they reading. Hopefully, you like it and can build conversations from that point. Support the creative arts in any form (outside your job of course) and meet others. I suppose it boils down to taking a genuine interest in what others do and have. Although, that can be a tough one if you are the "have" and they are "the have not."
...and lay off of us who get HGH and testosterone injections! Not all of us want to be 20 again or bed a 20 year old. we just want to look the best that we can at our ancient ages.
We need to start having an International DL Convention so we can all meet each other and pair off.
Just as long as you don't hold it in dreary Miami or Hawaii.
[quote] Male. 46 years of age. Shaved head with a goatee.
To me, the shaved head with goatee in a middle aged man suggests midlife crisis and/or personal insecurity.
Run. Run. Run.
OP, you think too much. WAY too much. About all this shit. No wonder you are alone.
@R152, ...and the OP has been accused of being picky? You have not seen a picture of him, let alone met him, and yet you can reach such conclusions? Is it possible that it is a "look" that works for him?
r132, you are definitely my type.
Exactly, R154. I hope the OP isn't foolish enough to take the "advice" here about his physical appearance very seriously. These aren't the kind of people he should want to impress. Most here have a very dysfunctional relationship with reality. Just pay attention to the people who took the time to give you thoughtful and constructive feedback, OP.
[quote] I own my own home
Why do people say this? Who else's home would you own other than yours? It's like saying "I'm personal friends with" someone -- what other kind of friends would you be?
All you've done is talk about surface shit - your condo, how often you work out, how good you look for your age...where is the important stuff?
Like, how big is your dick?
@R157, Home ownership is still perceived as a milestone of accomplishment and stability in one's life. There are many people who choose not to own but are content to rent but that does not mean that they could not own if they so desired.
At certain stages in our lives there are certain milestones that an individual should achieve or are very close to achieving. Yup! life is a roller coaster and a person who has experienced up times can experience severe down times Sometimes they might not be able to recover from a down time. Then, other factors come into play such character, etc.
I suppose a good example would be; How many people would want to be in a serious relationship with a 60 year old who lived like a 20 year old with the responsibilities of such? I'm sure that there might be someone but I don't think too many.
I still think he's in the wrong town, overall, to find anything enduring. Can there be a more superficial place than Los Angeles? No one goes there to be average.
And I don't know, he led what looks like on the surface a very superficial life... 'we gave up the circuit parties'.
Seems to me the fact is the good ones are probably long gone... the settle down types are generally settle down types their whole lives. He cast his lot with pretty for too long, as many of us did, and now I think timing has worked against OP. Nothing's impossible though, I suppose.
If you really make 290k, are able to pick up guys for sex like you say (indicating that you are physically attracted), and you can't even find someone willing to ACT like they are what you want to have access to that money, then something must be VERY wrong. Maybe you give off an American Psycho vibe and they fear for their lives.
Is it tiny meat syndrome, OP?
Maybe it's the ghosts of steroids past.
Are you cheap, OP?
[quote]however, when I'm honest with myself I'm forced to admit that I'm too damn picky.
People use the word 'picky' when they want to be polite and not use the word 'narcissist' to describe the person that's looking for the idealized version of themselves.
Or shallow. OP seems not to realize that most of the time people spend in a relationship is alone with the other person. What others think really doesn't matter.
LOL, R73. Marry me!
[quote] I don't know how he got on it as we both gave up the circuit parties years ago but I suspect he wanted his old life back (parties, drugs random sex partners).
Finally, the truth comes out. You're damaged goods.
[quote] I am a man of a particular age and station in life with much to offer in and out of the bedroom.
[quote] Most of my friends are muscle daddy circuit queens
You speak un-ironically of your "station in life" and hang out with "muscle daddy circuit queens"? Yes, it is such a mystery why you can't find a boyfriend.
[copy] Meh I have been to Europe and don't really care to go back.
I wouldn't date some rube with a community college degree either.
OP, a bunch of people who don't know you could not possibly know the answer to that. You need to ask your friends, family and co-workers. Make it clear you want their brutally honest opinions and be prepared for most of them to not give honest opinions. Maybe there is something about you that you don't realize, bad breath, you're an asshole, you're boring, you're not nearly as attractive as you think. I have known a couple of straight guys who thought they were God's gift to womanhood, and they were nothing but ugly smelly jerks. If you can't get an honest opinion from someone you know, hire an escort, not for sex, just for a date telling him up front you all you want is his honest opinion.
[quote]Meh I have been to Europe and don't really care to go back.
Not enough neon signs for you?
OP, where have you been meeting the men you've been dating/having sex with? Maybe you seek out other avenues that might appeal to men with more substance if that's what you're looking for.
whats wrong with neon
If you're looking for someone of substance, forget about it. They're not going to pony up with a middle aged man who hangs around with circuit queens and spends all their free time in the gym or cashing bars. Or holidaying in White Party hotspots like Miami in preference to dead old Europe. Best to look at your ancient twink loving friends and follow their path. If you don't have any friends of accomplishment at 46, you never will.
Who knows, you may be the next Tom Bianchi!
You would be surprised how accomplished some of my muscle mary friends are -
Become a straight guy.
OP, probably your tricks see who you are/what you have and think they're not in your league. That's why they don't want to date you.
Many people are intimidated by success, intelligence, education, good looks. Some people would rather be with someone who they think is inferior so they can feel superior. These types will shy away from a relationship with a smart guy with money.
Some years ago, I was in a LTR with yet another gorgeous, brilliant woman. I'm bright, but not brilliant; I'm not ugly, but I'm certainly not overly attractive. I make a couple of bucks, but not nearly as much as I could be making if I were the mercenary type. And yet, the relationships I have been in have always been with women most people would say were "out of my league." So I asked my girlfriend, "How do I always end up with beautiful, intelligent women?" Her response? "Because you act like you deserve it." You need to find someone who is emotionally secure enough to believe he deserves a man like you.
There are probably many, many men who would want a relationship with you, but they don't have the self-confidence to know that they can hold their own against all of your assets and attributes. But don't worry about those guys; they wouldn't be equal partners for you anyway, and they would quickly bore you.
Hang out in places where you will meet your emotional, physical, and/or financial peers. Don't do anything you're not interested in, but perhaps play squash, or golf. Join a country club. Teach somewhere as an adjunct professor, or take a class in something you always wanted to know more about. Break out of your usual circle and get to know new people. The more people you meet (outside of pick-up joints), the greater the likelihood you will meet the man you're looking for. And, if not, at least you're having fun!
Happy hunting, and good luck!
[quote]You would be surprised how accomplished some of my muscle mary friends are -
No, I wouldn't. I've met many accomplished muscle mary circuit queens. Despite their accomplishments, they are still a huge turn-off.
R178 is a lovely person. I'm taking that advice.
OP, if you don't mind, will you tell me what you and the other successful muscle marys talk about? There is some truth in what 178 says... having successfully carved yourself into all that a successful gay man is supposed to be, on a surface level (though you don't seem that bad to me), and surrounded yourself with the like... what do you talk about when you're together? I know some muscle marys and as near as I can tell they are vapid, life is one big long pose. You actually sound like you might have more going on, so I am curious, what do you talk about with your crowd?
RE: Meh I have been to Europe and don't really care to go back.
Europe is many countries and many different experiences. Anyone who can dismiss an entire continent is someone I do not want to be around
Going to Europe is always a thrilling experience.
I think it's time for a song... it's truth, it's love...
My best friend, Mark, is now 51, financially secure, very smart, compassionate and terminally single. Over the past twenty years he's been unable to hold onto anyone for more than a few months.
From what I can see, part of the problem is because he's low keyed and charming, potential partners assume they are his better and can dominate him. Within weeks it becomes clear to them that he is not only smarter, more worldly, and more successful than they, but that the potential partners' friends - when they meet Mark - are totally charmed and seem more "taken" by Mark than by the friend who introduced them.
Needless to say, this is very unnerving to his would be partners.
I'm going to give him R178's advice.
Want to repel any and all suitors? Act like you deserve them.
That's fine advice for a job interview. Not for a date.
God, all these successful, intelligent, and beautiful type-a people who "have it all" just can't accept that they don't deserve a relationship and aren't entitled to one. Sure, blame it on how intimidating you are, but building a relationship isn't like earning an MBA.
R178 has some pretty sound advice. I am another one of those "handsome, successful guys" blah, blah, blah who have always been told "You intimidate people" and THAT is why you don't have a partner or even a boyfriend. And I am in my early 50's now. Oh brother. I am sick of hearing that line and have also been told to "lower my standards." WTF? Hey, if it is "lonely at the top" then I suppose that is just one of those "life isn't fair" things? You can't have it "all?" So, what, do those of us who are a good package deal, smart and funny and attractive, just have to grow old alone? Because other men don't have strong enough self esteem to handle us? Sounds like bullshit, to me.
Of course, the DL always rags on the NY Times wedding announcements as being about "those two fugs who found each other" and that it is the fugs who always end up in relationships.
I don't know. I think when you are a "star," it is hard to find other stars to date.
OP has told us why. All his friends of the same age are doing HGH, which means they are all his buddies from the gym. He has never met anybody his age with intellectual interests, or a similar social class. Tell him to join a book club or an opera club and he'd snort in derision.
Without a picture...
because my only friends are muscle marys...lol I also told you I campaigned for Hilary donated and did the same for Obama. I have a wide group of friends..but until you try dating in LA...you know not what you speak.
LA was the easiest place to get laid [italic]and[/italic] find a relationship I ever lived. Unfortunately, that was then and this is now, and I no longer live there.
Pardon the stupid question and taking this off track, but what is HGH? Human Growth Hormone? Why do men in their 40s take it so they can appear younger? I presume it has testosterone in it. Sorry to be out of it as I've never heard of it. I'm 46 and I guess I'm aging alright--don't smoke, don't do drugs, rarely drink, eat in moderation and limit exposure to the sun and try to get a good night's sleep.
OP, given how bad your last relationship ended, perhaps you're not truly ready for another and that's the vibe you're giving off to those with the substance you might be looking for? It's hard to regain trust in others after such an experience.
Human Growth Hormone - it is not a steroid. HGH regulates tissue and skeletal growth in adolescents. It is present in adults but to a much lesser degree. Taking it will give you the growth potential of an adolescent...ie, putting on muscle faster, thicker, more elastic skin..etc.
Steroids are used to build muscle. nothing else (well okay in terms of what we are talking nothing else - they do have medical uses).
i actually met someone so we shall see but it looks promising. He is a mechanic btw..not that it matters.
Before you alienate this guy at least get the oil changed in your car.
Bravo, R193. Well done.
A mechanic?! I guess you did lower your standards...
Funny...I actually do call him Putty as a joke. Kind of what attracted me, he got it. Said if dance like Elaine he is outta there. We have a date tonight...we shall see if he is sponge worthy.
Cute, R196/OP. Please report back. Oh, and describe his looks so we can get some perspective and picture you together. Does he resemble anyone famous?
Your nickname for him is a reminder that he's of lower socio-economic class than you? How wonderful! Don't forget to lift your leg and piss on him to mark your property.
Looking for love in all the wrong places...
Also, did you inform him that since he's from a lower caste than you that he's not allowed to touch you or look you in the eye?
Please report back with how many of your "lol ur poor" put downs and nicknames he laughs at, and also if he is, in fact, "sponge worthy", by which I think you mean worthy of being a kept man in exchange for putting up with your horrendous bullshit?
Jesus Christ, OP, you are seriously fucked up and unloveable.
I haven't read this entire thread, but it could be, OP, that you do not know how to speak English.
"Where are all the good men at?"
"Where are all the good men?"
[quote]I am another one of those "handsome, successful guys" blah, blah, blah who have always been told "You intimidate people" and THAT is why you don't have a partner or even a boyfriend.
People just say that shit to be nice, r186. They don't want to say, "you're an asshole."
[quote]I don't know. I think when you are a "star," it is hard to find other stars to date.
Vomit. That attitude is the real reason is you don't have a boyfriend. Who'd want a second date with some smug fuck who fancies himself a twinkly little "star" of the gay dating pool?
I hate to say it, but I think the OP must have some sort of interpersonal skills problem and/or is busy rejecting the "nice" guys he seeks because they're either not as hot or rich as he is.
I'm 60 now and have had two 10 year plus relationships in my life that have failed for good reasons- one substance abuse, and one mental illness (bipolar or manic depressive, which ever you want to call it). Both were just too much to keep up from my side- both could only last as dysfunctional relationships.
Many love affairs- some perhaps more intense than either of the above.
I have no idea if I am destined to spend the rest of my life single. I would rather have a partner, although I know I can have a good life alone- although with close friends and family at hand- so not exactly alone.
Many people say, "opposites attract". The truth is that most successful relationships are founded on common bonds, common interests, common background, identify. Find your partner in places that you find interesting perhaps- interest clubs etc.
One thing is for certain- finding relationships based on some external standard or perception of yourself is a losing game. Success attracts just as good looks attract. But sustaining a connection takes work- and common bonds- they have to be nutured. I have found that those who are good at close friendship, tend to also be good a relationships. Those who are good at friendship work at it, are loyal, do not keep score, can accept imperfection in others and in themselves- and understand when the sum total is less than the benefit of going it alone.
Last and most important: if you are not OK with yourself (and only you know that) you are not going to be OK with another person. All peace of mind is an inside job.
Narcissists always end up alone.
The OP knows this, deep down inside.
[quote]we shall see if he is sponge worthy.
Thanks Elaine. OP, don't mention this line on your date. It brings up a disturbing visual.
I agree R205, even when they are charasmatic.
R24 got this right. That is the problem here, OP.
R200? You sound like a judgmental bitch.
[quote]Narcissists always end up alone.
Please. EVERYONE is lonely sometimes and having a partner is not the key to happiness. What's that old Cher song, "We All Sleep Alone?" In fact, being "alone" (and I put that in quotes because it has all sorts of meanings) is such a blessing and preferable to being in an unhealthy relationship or tethered to someone who causes stress and heartache.
Some people can be quite happy and healthy but are just not "hardwired" for a long term relationship.
I think many men seek out partners (at ANY age) simply because they ARE lonely and think having another man around to call their boyfriend will "fix" something, will make them less lonely, will alleviate their horniness. And all of that will be true...for a little while. Until the newness wears off. People mistake infatuation for "true love." People mistake addiction for "true love." People convince themselves they are in love when deep down they know that they are choosing to be with that person out of compromise because they have decided it's "better than being alone." Well, it's NOT for some people.
Narcissism is highly underrated. And does not even necessarily mean that one is an "asshole" at all. Bottom line? We all must live with OURSELVES first and foremost. Life tends to work out according to our personal choices. If one is "alone," then the question to ask is "How's that workin' out for ya?" If you want change in your life, then YOU have to change. Something.
So, OP, dish! How's it going with the mechanic? Has he "rotated your tires" yet? Did he "change your oil"? Has he "wiped your windshield"?
SO glad I've never NEEDED to be in a relationship.