"cruise queens" groups are old and fat and not very goodlooking. they go to mexico to pick up on the whore boys there. i stood behind a group of them in the buffet line on my first and last carnival cruise and they all had fat asses.
The buffet line, is that the rent boys standing along the dock?
"Oh yes, the Newbee Boys. I found out that they made a bee line for me, and the little cutie one of the group, Dusty, spotted my lanyard and that is where his interest in me lay. Jerome and I both wear a Logo Lanyard from the airline that Jerome works for. (Remember I told you earlier that he works for the airline that begins with a U and just merged with C?) Well, Little Dusty works for the “D” airline. So, two things I have learned in life. First, we Gays have Gay-dar and can spot one of us a mile away, and, Two, it does not matter what airline you work for, if you are a Flight Attendant, then you are in a class by yourself. Once Dusty found out that it was Jerome, not I, that worked for the airlines, he was uninterested in me and anything I had to say from that moment on.
Chris initially introduced Dusty to me, and Dusty in turn introduced his Partner and his Partner introduced his brother traveling with them, who also had to inform me, very emphatically, as we shook hands that “He’s Straight!” “Really?” I thought, “Then why is my beeping in my head going off again?” Ahh yes, more fodder for my CC Kiddies.! There is a story there too! And this one will make you ROTFLOL until you Tinkle.
Dusty then runs over to Jerome and begins to Blah Blah Blah about working for the airlines and Jerome looks over Dusty’s shoulder at me with a “Help, Rescue Me” look in his eyes. So, Chris, Jeff and I rescue Jerome out from the clutches of Delta Dusty. Turns out, Jerome did not need to be rescued, he just wanted another cocktail.
Now Chris, on the other hand wanted Dusty away from Jerome. Dusty is very, very nice and Jerome liked him very much, just no shop talk for the vacation, please. Chris was frothing at the mouth over this little guy, hubba hubba. “Chris, calm down, he’s very married!” I said. Jeff said to me, “That doesn’t matter to him.” “Then Chris“, I said, “Stay away from Jerome!” Only fair, Chris shot back, “Calm your heels Dorothy, you are both way too old for me!” Then he continued, “Well maybe not for Jeff, he’ll take anything.” At that point I did not know if I should feel insulted or flattered. And by the way, I am happily married too. I don’t get into THAT kind of Trouble.
Our entire Meet and Greet was, as usual, centered around boys. Geez gosh! "Where Trouble Goes, Gays Follow" is more like my new motto. Just can’t get away from ‘da boys! Oh and there are plenty of Girls too. But it’s the Boys on this trip that really got into Trouble."
I won't go to carnival even for free. Low class indeed.
Ew. They type poor.
“Excuse me”, “Pardon me”, “Coming through!” “Excuse me, I have to tinkle!” “Thank you!” I was constantly pleading as I tried to manuver through the throng of crowds, waiting to get into the Wind Song Anytime Dining Room, and catch up with Jerome and the boys. Then one couple I passed says to me “Oh Look, It’s Yooo Hooo Boy!” “Oh, Yooo Hooo!” The woman shouts to me. I glance back with an adoring smile, like Kim Kardashian just being recognized. Oh My Goodness, I am going to be forever known for the next five days as the Yooo Hoo Boy!
I finally catch up to Jerome, to which he says “Nice Show, Trouble!” Chris and Jeff both smile and still have not quite figured me out yet. For that matter, has anyone? "I" haven't figured "ME" out yet. We approach the front desk and Chris and I speak to the hostess, each of us giving her our cabin numbers and requesting that we wanted a table for four.
The young lady plugs the information into the computer, then lifts her eyes from the screen and looks at me, then reaches to tap the shoulder of an imposing man in a black tuxedo behind her. It turns out to be Hector, the Maitre ‘D, who cordially introduces himself to us, welcomes us and then has another young lady escort us to our table. Now, in any other restaurant, if we were anyone else, we would have immediately turned down the table we were led to. It was located along the main aisle on the right side of the ship, but not at the window. We sat directly next to the Service Alley. The traffic was constant. But as each night progressed, the traffic became more entertainment fodder rather than a nuisance. Kiddies, you'll see soon enough. However, that being said, we had the most amazing Head Waiter Michael and his Assistant Waiter, Setywan, that for the next five nights, we insisted that they take care of us. We would not have wanted to move tables, even if someone paid us. Although to sit at the table next to us became a dangerous proposition for anyone who dared.
Chris and Jeff had the “Cheers” unlimited drink promotion, so the Cocktail Server in the Restaurant took very good care of them, as a matter of fact, one of the first people we saw each night as soon as we sat down, was the Cocktail Server. Needless to say, after this first dinner and the hilarity that ensued, Jerome and I just had to spend each night with these two funny, comedic, party boys. It was Dinner at Eight every night from then on.
Setywan, presented the first night’s menu’s to us and all I could think was “Holy Moley Golly Miss Molly, Look at this Adonis!“ “Wow you are Gorgeous!” I said out loud, with Jerome shaking his head in disbelief and the other two just staring at me, not believing what I just said aloud, is also what they too were thinking. Sometimes my martini’s do get the best of me and I just come out with things that should be better left unsaid. Setywan just looked at me, and turned quickly and ran into the Service Alley, whispering something to Michael. “JW,” Jerome said, “Would you keep your mouth shut!” “You are going to get us thrown overboard!” I turned to Jerome and said “I would love to be thrown overboard by Sety-man!” (That’s when it started. I altered Setywan's name and it went to Sety-man that night. Then bastardized it even more the following night, see below) Chris and Jeff just sat there not saying a word, obviously enjoying the back and forth banter between Jerome and I.
So once again, I looked down into the abiss of the menu and began to peruse the night’s dining selections all the while I was thinking to myself, “Hmmmm, now how am I going to get these two boys to spill it on how they know each other?“
I have to digress, back to Setywan, the Assistant Waiter. On the very next night when I arrived in the dining room, certainly well imbibed, I called him SWEETEE MAN. "Yoooo Hoooo Sweeteeman!", I said as I waved at him. He hung his head in embarrassment. “You my man baby!” Setywan was a good sport about it. So good looking. He was tall, about 6 feet, dark complexion, perfectly coifed jet black hair, the kind of perfect black color that can’t be matched from a box of Lady Clairol. He had a marvelous, stoic presence. Setywan was constantly chided by the rest of the staff that he is the body builder of the crew. While everyone else goes to the Crew Lounge after work, Setywan goes to the Crew Gym to exercise, we were told. He did have the most amazing physique, we could tell. “Oh Sweeeteeman!” I would call out, then the rest of the crew would laugh and giggle. The best is when the staff does the “Low ,Low, Low” dance. (The Dining Room Staff dances to various music each night, one of the fun throwbacks to the original Carnival FunShip Cruising) Oh yes, Setywan can dance too! “Whoop!” “Whoop!” I would say as I was flinging my napkin around and around. “Whoop!” “Whoop!” “You go Sweeteeman!”
Our Head Waiter Michael was a young, tall and very professional Asian gentleman, who knew exactly how to perform his job and he performed it flawlessly for us, each and every night. I was impressed with Michael and his amazing attention to detail.
Now I am not an easy person to please in a restaurant. I have been in the business for 35 years and have done it all. I always say, that those who serve well, serve as good as I have done. Those that exceed my expectations are extraordinarily special, as they have the Want and Desire too overwhelm the Guest.
Michael exceeded my expectations each night. From the replacement of silverware, preparing us for the next course, to us never having to wait between courses for any length of time. Michael paced our meals perfectly, not ever rushing us, and most important, constantly checking on our satisfaction of the food we enjoyed. On one night, when I cut into my steak, it was not Medium Rare as I had ordered, but more Medium Well. However the flavor was very good, and I am not one to send my steak back. I was simply just going to eat it anyway and not say anything. Michael looked at my steak from afar, saw that it was not the proper temperature and insisted that he have a new dish prepared. He did this without my asking. That is a big WOW. That is also someone who cares about his Guest, his Company and his Profession. After reading so many other reviews to the contrary, Jerome and I were concerned about the level of Service in the Dining Room and our concerns were laid to rest with this particular team. Utterly Spectacular. Not at all like the cold, uncaring, mundane service we received on The Legend in 2011. What a turnaround. But Jerome and I also worried that maybe it was a fluke, we got the luck of the draw. That being said, in our opinion, our dining room service was simply Outstanding.
“So Chris,” I began, as he looked up from his menu and then as Jeff took a sip off his Windex Martini with his pinkie up, suddenly cracking a ‘Let‘s see you get out of this one’ kind of smirk at Chris, “How did you two meet?”
that's a REVIEW? or a blog post?
God, they sound horrible.
For some reason I just read the post at R10 in the voice of Roger the alien from American Dad ...
Oh, that was excrutiating. No one is going to read all that crap. No one cares about that KAWEEN and his "adventures." Good lord.
Such random acts of capitalization in those posts....
Yes, r16, and horrible misuse of apostrophes. "Martini's"????
R2 is correct, Carnival and their ilk are very low class, but Cruises like Crystal are an entirely different crowd. ($$$)
[quote]Jerome looks over Dusty’s shoulder at me with a “Help, Rescue Me” look in his eyes.
I imagine there were a lot of "help, rescue" looks on that tug.
It's so much fun! Everyone should come and enjoy the sun!
Left over party boys indeed.
Cringe worthy posts. What a silly cunt!!
[quote]Yoooo Hoooo Sweeteeman!", I said as I waved at him. He hung his head in embarrassment. “You my man baby!” Setywan was a good sport about it. So good looking. He was tall, about 6 feet, dark complexion,
Was it me or did it seem those queens were a bit racist toward their wait staff?
It's not you; it's them.
They are the kinds of queens who typically are a tad racist.
I love you, R13.
"A tad," r25? LOL.
Just threw up in my mouth a little after r10
Carnival? No fucking way. Motel 6 of the seas.
[quote]Was it me or did it seem those queens were a bit racist toward their wait staff?
Those deluded bitches think they are the next level above white hetero male in the pecking order.
Wasn't this the cruise where the deluded American queens were arrested for fucking in plain view in Dominica? If so, the mentality mentioned in the posts above doesn't surprise me. I'm only surprised that Carnival hasn't renamed it "Voyage Of The (Dental) Damned".
Once went on an RSVP cruise on The Princess Spooge. I actually enjoyed it but will never need to do it again.
I was so all prepared to read folks for insulting gay men who don't fit into the ideal of what a gay man is supposed to be, i.e., thin. But then I read the review. These men sound awful.
Well, the two darlings are from "East-central Florida" so racist comes with the territory.
Obnoxious, LOOK AT ME!!attention-whorish, ultra-screaming-queenie alcoholics.
Did you catch the Christmas posts? They actually give tours of their house at Christmas (for charity), though this year will be their final because over-stuffing their house full of every imaginable Christmas tchotchke is too expensive.
Photos at the prior link.
That said, they're in a very LTR, professional,and seem like nice guys.... though more than likely, Republican.
IF Republican, then NOT NICE.
one of the comments from that site:
"OMG you are hilarious!! Your stories and flair remind me of my drag queen hair dresser James who dances under the name Ginger Spice. I love going to see him because his stories have me cracking up like yours do."
Chris looks up at me from his menu, turns to Jeff and says, “Do you want to tell him or do you want me to tell him?” Jeff said in reply, “You tell him, you are much better at it.” By the way, during the whole story, they BOTH talked over one another in rapid fire form, so I am going to let the story unfold, my kiddies without the “He Said, He Said”
Well, Chris began, Jeff was in a relationship for about five years with this guy, were living together and whom Chris ended up meeting somewhere or another along the way. Then Chris began having a relationship with this same guy, unbeknownst to Jeff or himself, that the guy with seeing the other at the very same time. How this guy, whom I will call Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch, could manipulate and keep track of his time and such, is incredible to say the least. As time went by, Jeff ended up finding out about Chris and Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch and then invites Chris to lunch. Who would do that? You can just imagine how that went. “I’ll Get You My Pretty and Your Little Dog Too!” sort of lunch. Can someone say Cat fight?
Eventually, after the fateful luncheon, the claws were out, and it was the battle royal for Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch. In my opinion, I would have dropped the Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch in a New York Minute, but the competition between the boys ensued. Long story short, after bouncing between the two, I guess Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch chose Chris. Well then all three, Chris, Jeff and Whozeewhatsit Some-ina-britch MOVE IN TOGETHER!!??? “What?” My mouth dropped open and Jerome spit up his drink. Chris and Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch shared one bedroom and Jeff continued to live with them in a separate bedroom, all in wedded bliss until such time that Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-britch did it again with another boy, and soon found himself on the sidewalk with his possessions thrown curbside. Heard of “A Woman’s Scorn”? Well nothing compares to Gay Rage. Honey, someone goes near Jerome, I can turn them into fairy dust before Judy Garland can say “There’s No Place Like Home”
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Chris and Jeff start seeing each other behind Whoziwhatsit Som-ina-britch’s back and I just sat there mesmerized at the planning and logistics and the stories one must have to concoct to pull off such a charade. All three of them were in on this. Brilliant television writing. What a real life soap opera! Truth is stranger than fiction, folks.
Anyway, then the fun begins. They throw Whozeewhatsit Som-ina-Britch out and then Jeff and Chris ended up conjoining and had a long relationship together, as I guess what with everything the two of them had been through, these two cute guys would make a go of it and not disrupt the Universe. But alas, that too came to an amicable end as neither were ready for the rebound relationship. Wow. Unreal. What a triangle. I tried putting myself in their shoes, looked over at Jerome and we both must have been thinking the same thing. Nope, could not do it. See, I just knew it. They were in a relationship, and still are, but it has progressed into, well, what ever it is now.
Chris, earlier in the day at the CC Meet and Greet, handed me his business card. He now works for a Reality TV production company in Philadelphia. Jeff still resides in Florida, where the boys are from. Jeff said that the cruise was such a great deal, it gave he and Chris the opportunity to reconnect, “Hmmmmm“, I thought, but no, just as friends.
Chris definitely is the more outgoing of the two, and Jeff has a wonderful innocence about him. The two match like Jerome and I do. However, there is another side to that story. If “Carnival Has The Fun” as Kathy Lee Gifford used to sing in their 1980’s commercials, then Chris took it literally and he Had The Fun. Boy, Oh Boy, did he ever and lots of it. Most of which I cannot repeat here, EVER.
But Okay, keeping it very clean and above board, lets just say I can introduce you, later, to one of Chris’ accomplishments on board the FunShip Ecstasy, that came to be known and dubbed as “Hallway Boy.”
God,I hate men who "tinkle"
Not putting anyone down here, but in school I've crossed on Cunard every summer, have seen these screaming gays thinking they're so special. Gay is good. Nothing wrong with it. But for me and my guys, good God, you don't have to be THAT gay.