"I've had a bad night and I just hate the fucking Eagles, man!"
At first I thought he was walking a dog. [italic]Then[/italic] I realized it was his date!
"I used to fuck guys like you in prison"
Dong? Where is my automobile?
Are all men of the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Don't be fooled by the grim exterior. It's a good deal grimmer inside.
OMG I got a sequel thread!! I'm a DL success story!!!
Well smell you, r24!
The dark gift is different for each of us. But one thing is true for us all, we grow stronger as we go along. Just take my word for it. She blamed a slave for his murder. Imagine what they did to him. Evildoers are easier, and they taste better.
It was nothing like that penis breath!!!
"I've got a tube top I wanna cut the tags off of."
I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies!
Joo think I don't know what goes on in this place!?!?!
All you boys going ha ha , he he he , bo bo bo.
"Is it safe?"
"You, his loving, doting fraud of a father! And you, you SLUT! You're both so consumed with evil, so ROTTEN! Your filthy souls are too evil for Hell itself!"
When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject quite so worthy of my attention.
The Patron Saint of DL
"There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us."
Alright you Freshman bitches. AIR RAID! That was pathetic.
Push it in! Push it in harder!
"Love? You've been in love before; it never lasts."
"I guess there's just two kinds of people, Miss Sandstone: MY kind of people, and assholes. It's rather obvious which category you fit into."
How can I be a good nun if I can't get the Congo out of my blood?
"What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me when you're the one that's afraid."
What's human or inhuman is not for human decision.
Look, Mr. Barker, I wasn't there. I can only go on the evidence of my own eyes. We're talking about my baby daughter - not some object!
And don't call me chicken. I've told you a hundred times if I've told you once, do not call me chicken! I'm not 12 years old anymore!
You cad, you dirty swine! I never cared for you, not once! I was always makin' a fool of ya! Ya bored me stiff! I hated ya! It made me SICK when I had to let ya kiss me. I only did it because ya begged me, ya hounded me and drove me crazy! And after ya kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth! [bold]WIPE MY MOUTH![/bold]
I've done far worse than kill you - I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me - as you left her. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet. Buried alive. Buried alive!
But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.
Elizabeth is yours. Watch her as she grows; she's yours. She's a Tudor! Get yourself a son off that sweet, pale girl--if you can--and hope that it will live. But Elizabeth will reign after you. Yes, Elizabeth--child of Anne the Whore and Henry the blood-stained lecher, shall be queen! And know this, Henry: Elizabeth shall be a greater queen than any king of yours! She shall rule a greater England than you could ever have built! Yes, MY Elizabeth shall be queen! And my blood will have been well spent!
You lazy bitch! I'm out workin' my tail off all day and you're in there FUCKIN' MIDGETS!
Did you just spit champagne on my pussy?
Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don't mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn't care for the Overlook at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it down. But I "corrected" them sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I "corrected" her.
Oh, let her talk, Melanie. She's always hated me, ever since I took your brother Charles away from her, though she's too much of a hypocrite to admit it. Why, if she thought anybody would take after her, she'd walk down the street nekkid!
This is how we do things on the Planet Maturia. We have much to teach you.
I love you, r46!
Moose, honey, they're into DOGGIES!
"Twenty years ago I made the unpardonable error of thinking I could civilize a girl who bought her hats out of a Sears-Roebuck catalog!"
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.
We are the music makers. And we are the dreamers of the dreams.
Cut some capers, man! Use your bladder!
Hello Danny. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, Danny. Forever... and ever... and ever.
Locked together in hatred. But I can't hate you Louis. Louis my love, I was mortal till you gave me your immortal kiss. You became my mother, and my father, and so I'm yours forever. But now it's time to end it, Louis.
I received a transatlantic call one day. "Skip died," Daddy said. He and my mama wrapped him in my baseball jacket. "They buried him out under our elm tree," they said. That wasn't totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart.
"Sure, I... I know what a geek is."
You arthritic sex kitten!
Shit on your Mother!
I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Ralph promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me. I should've given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding, and now the devil has come home. We'll pray.
You have ugly talents, Martha.
"They're coming to get you, Barbara!"
You used to drink bergin...
But you're not the jealous type, are you?
No, I'm not.
You've never been jealous about me, have you?
No, I haven't.
And why haven't you ever been jealous about me?
Well, I don't know, Alice -- maybe it's because you're my wife.
You probably even called us beavers on your CB radio, didn't you?
Damn. I hate that! I hate bein' called a beaver.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Annie, I can't write on this paper, Annie!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!
Except for socially, you're my role model.
Bring me the big knife! I'm gonna cut my throat!
You white, you Ben Affleck.
I love my dead gay son
...I wear a size six but a seven feels so good I buy a size eight.
This is war, woman! Not a garden party! Harumph!
Well, hip-hip-hooray for your cheap climax! What about ME, fuckface? Some pitiful excuse for a husband YOU turned out to be! Why don't you take your fucking toolbox and GO FUCK A GARAGE!!!
I see you've had an accident. Back in Catholic Boys' School we used to call them "Nocturnal Emissions." It always made me think of Chopin; Nocturnal Emissions in G Minor.
Fuck yeah! Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!
"I said phooey and I mean phooey. Phooey."
Good Lawd Latrelle. Don't you know better than to sneak up on someone when they're tawkin' to a corpse?
Honey, her hair looked like the cat's been suckin' on it.
They was both butt-nekkid and covered with doo-doo!
Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to let you put your finger in me then I suck your cock and get a movie role?
"She stole my purse!"
Don't FUCK with the babysitter.
Where do you get the ass to tell anybody anything about class, or who the hell's got it, or what she typifies? You shouldn't even be in the same room with her, you pompous celibate... You're totally full of shit! You're all full of shit.
You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o'clock. She looks like she's re-entering the Earth's atmosphere.
My Cunny is HOT for your cock!
I know what's going on in here, with all of you men going "Hee hee hee, boo boo boo, hah hah hah.
Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.
I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
Why should the courtesan chose the penniless sitar player over the maharajah who is offering her a lifetime of security? That's real love. Once the sitar player has satisfied his lust he will leave her with nothing. I suggest that the courtesan chose the maharajah.
They mostly come at night... Mostly
All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.
My boyfriend fell on a knife I was holding.
Boy, I've met hard-boiled before, but you -- you're twenty minutes.
You're too short for that gesture.
Happiness is something I know nothing about. If you say we're happy, let's leave it at that.
I feel the way I have always felt.
Barbara Jean had a collapse.
Captain Howdy, do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy, that isn't very nice!
I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
your ass looks really hot in that sling
S: Who dat?
R: Who dat who say who dat?
S: Who dat who say who dat who say who dat?
His hair is crisp... crisp? I never noticed that. All these years I've never noticed that. Lettuce is crisp.
[takes a head of lettuce from the refrigerator]
Lettuce head, go to bed, your nose is red, your name is Fred, I'll kill you dead!
It's not cool, Jack. It's not sexy.
"I'm Howard's mother. And I'm a lesbian."
I wonder what the nice people are doing tonight...
Not feeesh.... snake scale!
It's easy. She's standing right next to you.
Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle- aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks.
Lets throw you two a pity party. Two fraidy ol' ladies. You gotta live live before it lives you, you stupid... You gonna be second class you gonna be second rate your whole life.
* * *
Uh uh I'm not sleeping with the Wicked Witch of the West's toenails in my face and your Godzilla breath on me, no way!
You're going to die. You know you're going to die. I'll be waiting for you to die!
There was another game that Kay insisted on playing: the Truth Game. Everyone was to make a list of their friends, in order of preference, and then compare the lists. What Kay never stopped to think about was that somebody always had to be at the bottom of every list. And when that somebody cried, Kay was honestly surprised.
I think today is a say-something-hat day!
Shoot her Wardell - Shoot her in the head!!
My Mother.... A waitress!
We both like soup.... and snow peas... we could talk or not talk for hours....
Im rich, richer than all this new Hollywood trash.....
We have the same blood type - type O...
My dear, Television is nothing but auditions....
Get me a Bromide..... and put some gin in it!!!
That's a 7 letter word that describes your father...
Ive had 2 years to grow claws mother... Jungle Red!!!
Al: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!
Ar: I made you short?
Sandy, please try to do as I say and not as I do. Remember, you are a child, Sandy, and far from your prime.
Found this spoon, sir!
"Well, you don't know me very well, do you, Creepella? I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I got more legs than a bucket of chicken."
"Look at her, runnin' like she's runnin' cross the border!"
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like...victory."
What in gay hell?
There's somethin' I've always been curious about. Just between us girls...just what did you say to Pai Mei to make him snatch out your eye?
I called him a miserable old fool.
Ooh. Bad idea.
You know what I did? I killed that miserable old fool. I poisoned his fish heads. And I told him, "To me, the word of an old fool like you is worth less than nothing". That's right, I killed your master. And now I'm gonna kill you too, with your own sword no less. Which, in the very immediate future, will become my sword.
Bitch...you don't have a future.
Hi Annette! I got some!
I could eat a can of Kodak and PUKE a better movie!
Gurl, you don't wanna get involved in that Latin mess! She might turn out to be a Sandinista or somethin'!
Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
If you gonna go down, go down with the best of them!
You are France. When I think of France, I think of you.
I write doodads because it's a doodad kind of town.
What a story! All that's missin' are the bloodhounds nippin' at her rear end!
I'll have the last laugh. I may have committed the gay cardinal sin of being a bit overweight, but it's this so-called unattractiveness that's spared me from the plague.
Ohhhh, Agnes! You DO have breasts!
And I thought I read the rules so carefully!
Beware of the dwarf.
EC: Towanda! Righter of Wrongs, Queen Beyond Compare!
NT: How many of them hormones you takin', honey?
Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head.
Not the beeeees!
NOW a warning?
You died on a Saturday morning, and I had you placed here under our tree.
Demented and sad, but social.
I make maps!
Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.
Beef jerky time!
Son, you got a panty on your head.
Purr Francine. Purr, purr Francine!
I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod, and just instruct them to just *zap* him in his badoobies.
Who cares if we fail? It'd be fun to be expelled!
WIPE THAT SMILE..OFF YOUR FACE!
He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.
Inside every girl, there is a swan, waiting to burst into flight! In ever boy, a lordly lion slumbers!
Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the old Cunning Linguistics?
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.
They're coming to get you, Barbra.
Get off my lawn!
Mother, I know I don't have any talent, and I know all I have is a body, and I am doing my bust exercises. Goodbye, Mother. I'll wire you the money first thing in the morning. Goodbye. . . Oh, to hell with them! Let 'em droop!
You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I have all of them!
"No, no, no, no, no. I do believe Marcellus, my husband/your boss told you to take me out and do whatever I wanted. Now, I wanna dance. I wanna win. I want that trophy, so dance good."
Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.
Look kids, Big Ben.
I offered you my blessing. You refused it. Now move along!
"The test results have come back. And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid...bran...fluid. Bran flavor."
Worse than the chicken at Treski's, oh well...
There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.
Now listen here, you mullet, why don't you light your tampon and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're EVER gonna get, sweetheart!
"Aren't you a little FAT for the show?"
"I'm sure a lot of your viewers are pleasantly plump or chunky."
"Oh, come on. The show's not filmed in CinemaScope!"
The guy was DECAPITATED ... do you know what that means? It means HE DOESNT HAVE A HEAD! How am I supposed to write for a guy who DOESNT HAVE A HEAD?!
I even made poor Louis take me on Crusade. How's that for blasphemy. I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn... but the troops were dazzled.
E of A
"What do they got? A lot of sand. We've got a hot crustacean band."
"... and the Reverend Al Sharpton said in an interview today that Jackson's last words—'Your money's on the dresser, Chocolate'—were racist and demeaning."
R168, I love you.
'These are OR scrubs.'
'O R they?'
I want to tell you something which I thought I would never say, which I thought nobody should ever say because I thought it didn't exist. And Leon, I can't say it.
TAKE the cannoli."
A man takes a drop too much once in a while, it's only human nature.
Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.
Stand still, Godfrey. It'll all be over in a minute.
Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? "Adobe".
You and your rabbit-faced wife can both GO TO HELL!
Bill shoot you in the head, no? I woulda been much nicer. I would have just cut your face.
"If y'all want to play with C.W. why don't you go in your own room."
I am HIGH on marijuana cigarettes! But I'll get drunk too!
Robert E. Lee..Prewitt. Isn't that a silly, ole name?
MARRY ME, R186! We can ogle Stephen Boyd together.
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?
You've got a death wish. So selfish. [pause] I have one too, but I direct it toward others.
We can't keep them past four.
She had a big ass then and she's got a big ass now!
I'd like to ask you to stay and have a drink, but I'm afraid you might accept.
For R196: I wouldn't have you if you were hung with diamonds upside down!
For God's sake, I wish you could hear yourself sometimes -- I mean, REALLY hear yourself! Christ! Aren't you ever going to stop deluding yourself? Hmmm? "Handling" Max... Behaving like some ludicrous little underage femme fatale -- you're about as fatale as an after-dinner mint!
There's nothing tragic about being fifty. Not unless you're trying to be twenty-five.
Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
I can't make love to a BUSH!
Shut your mouth English shit bird.
You better calm yourself down before I haul off and smack you upside your wide, wide head! We killed your husband ... and I AIN'T your maid anymore, bitch! I'm your SISTA IN CRIME!
"Do you resent the idea of wife swapping?". . . I resent the question.
There can be only one.
You swapped me? For a milkmaid?
Yeah baby , yeah right there, yeaaaaa, that's it suck my dick
"Edelweiss. Georg, you never told me how charming your children are."
Wagon Wheel Watusi!
READING A BOOK???
You won't get any dancing here, it's illegal.
Never give up. Never surrender.
You're not anybody in America unless you're on TV. On TV is where we learn about who we really are. Because what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if nobody's watching? And if people are watching, it makes you a better person.
California, tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don't - don't come in here. Whatever you hear, stay away! John Doe has the upper hand!
Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.
My old man's gonna be back soon and if we're still here he's gonna shit Twinkies.
I hate to tell you what they call my son in Harlem.
Now that's how I'm gonna clear the table. Don't you ever talk that way to me. 'Pig,' 'Pollack,' 'disgusting,' 'vulgar,' 'greasy.' Those kind of words have been on your tongue and your sister's tongue just too much around here. What do you think you are? A pair of queens? Now just remember what Huey Long said - that every man's a king - and I'm the King around here, and don't you forget it.
Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction.
E of A
No, no, don't speak. Don't speak. Please don't speak. Please don't speak. No. No. No. Go. Go, gentle Scorpio, go. Your Pisces wishes you every happy return.
I was born a poor black child...
Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It ain't as strong so I don't know if I should go sailin down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Hush, dear, mother's fighting.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce Miss Blaze Starr. She is a performin' artist on the local cultural scene.
Hey Romy, remember Mrs. Divitz's class, there was like always a word problem. Like, there's a guy in a rowboat going X miles, and the current is going like, you know, some other miles, and how long does it take him to get to town? It's like, 'Who cares? Who wants to go to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?
It's true. She's a cannibal. She could drink the blood of her children from the skull of her lover and not feel so much as a stomachache.
I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself.
Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting Catholic school soon, I thought I should at least practice. Let's see, what do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.
"She went to shit and the hogs ate her!"
Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth and your gonna eat that?!
Oh, Michael. Michael, you are blind. It wasn't a miscarriage. It was an abortion. An abortion, Michael. Just like our marriage is an abortion.
But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."
Don't be ridiculous, Sister. You can't handle that monster.
Um, the number has some wind effects in it but you'll just have to use your imagination about them.
Mrs. Waldbaum had a steel plate in her head, and it was said she couldn't walk near magnets!
I'll always love you, come what may.
"Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may.
Well run. For God's sake run!
Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things? It's a real bitch.
I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
Oh, Cosmo, you know everything!
Mr. Successful, you've got it made!
"My problem is that it's 2am. My problem is I'm asleep. I'm on a tour bus with eight stinkin' men. Rule number one: Don't propose to a girl on a bus. You got that? Rule number two: Don't tell her its because you had a bad dream."
Hey, Yankees! You can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass!
"Hit it Toots!"
Come on, honey, the old bat slaved all day over a hot stove, now eat it!
Then, go to the moon, you selfish dreamer!
Pardon me boy--is this the Transylvania Station?
Ja! Ja! Track 29. Oh--can I give you a shine?
"Who are you? WHAT are you?"...
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"
I think you're the cause of all this..."
I think you're evil"...
Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for peanuts? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one that's square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?
"Men are rats, listen to me, they're fleas on rats, worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite. The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."
Don't fuck with my distribution costs! I'm making a lousy two-fifteen per segment and I'm already deficiting twenty-five grand a week with Metro! I'm paying William Morris ten percent off the top, and I'm giving this turkey ten thou per segment, and another five to this fruitcake! And Helen, don't start no shit about a piece again! I'm paying Metro 20 percent for all foreign and Canadian distribution, and that's after recoupment! The Communist Party's not gonna see a nickel of this goddamn show until we go into syndication! I'm not giving this pseudoinsurrectionary sectarian a piece of my show! I'm not giving him script approval, and I sure as shit ain't cuttin' him in on my distribution charges!
YOU FUCKING FASCIST! Did you see the film we made of the San Marino jail breakout, demonstrating the rising up of the Seminole prisoner class infrastructure?
You can BLOW the Seminole prisoner class infrastructure OUT YOUR ASS! I'm not knockin' down my goddamn distribution charges!
"Nurse Ratched, Nurse Ratched! The Chief voted! Now will you please turn on the television set?"
Ah luv ya, Sissy!
Ah luv yew tew, Bud.
Mom, you don't love someone because he's perfect.
Who's gonna rape you that you ain't already fucked?
MH: What are you just standing around here for? You're supposed to clean the bathroom and the kitchen before lunch, my little pig droppings, and if you skip the corners, there will be no lunch. And we're not having hot mush today...
MH: We're having *cold* mush!
"Tell your adorable little brother to mind his manners or I'll slap his face!"
Blue Fairy. In the world of Orga, blue is the color of melancholy. Yet the services I provide will put a blush back on anyone's cheek. I will change the color of your fairy for you. She will scream out: 'Oh yes! Oh God! Oh, yes! Oh, God! Oh, God!' She will make you a real boy for I will make her a real woman and all will be right with the world because you held my hand and saved my brain so that once again my customers my ask for me by name: 'Gigolo Joe, what do you know?'
When you were a kid that made you look sexy. Now it just makes you look drunk.
Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
"You know how those creatures are, just babble babble babble..."
"Poor Becky... raped by the horse trainer."
What's in the box?
I was just getting ready to brush my teeth and watch Lawrence Welk, then I looked out the window and...BANG!!!
"I wonder if I'll get discovered at the Lizard Lounge tonight."
"You don't know shit cause you've never been fucked in the ass."
My husband!... My gigolo! That's what you are. You're a miserable parasite! You're just after my money! I was rid of you once. Why did I take you back? Why? Why?
I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown outta the house!
"'Raped at Twelve', 'Raped at Thirteen', what do I know about rape? I'm just another sordid exhibitionist."
We forgot about the flowers.
Stay with me.
Dreyfus once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany he realized they had only been seagulls... For me they will always be - *glorious* birds.
"My name is Francine Fishpaw, and I am an alcoholic!"
"That was the everlasting moment he had been waiting for. And the moment had passed, for Monica was sound asleep. More than merely asleep. Should he shake her she would never rouse. So David went to sleep too. And for the first time in his life, he went to that place where dreams are born."
I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.
"I'll hang out a sign that says don't disturb and go back to nature."
Did you ever hear of a thing called paranoia? No, I guess you didn't. Well, it's what happens to people when they get to believe they're something they're not...they can go on for a long time and be okay, except when the illusion is shattered. Then they kind of wither up and... phht. Unless it's restored.
"They kicked me out before I could get to them, into see them..."
"What about the petition?"
"They wouldn't let me give it to them."
"Can't you give it to ANYBODY?"
Leslie Lapidus could say "fuck", but she couldn't do it!
It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your minds stretched a little further than the next wisecrack.
You know why they call them Indians? Because Columbus thought he was in India. They're "Indians" because some white guy got lost.
You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your bosoms?
"I'm the all time Self-Amuser."
What kind of tea do you want? We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffle, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and... earl grey.
You just head-butted my boyfriend so hard he burst!
If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?
Look, I didn't write the gay handbook. If you got a problem with it, take it up with Liberace's ghost.
All right, this next song goes to the guy yelling from the balcony. It's called, 'We Hate You, Please Die.'
Sweet! I love this song!
When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
J: "15 years ago I was out there on the floor where you are now and I was very like you, Bagley, I was the best. But I got myself into some trouble with a gas-fired heating system. I tell you, I was desperate. I made myself ill with worry. I finally ended up with a specialist who told me I'd given myself an ulcer. But it was a lot more than that to me. As far as I was concerned, I'd given myself a detonator. I became obsessed with fears of spontaneous combustion. This gas-fired business had penetrated so deeply into my subconscious, I thought I was seconds away from busting into flames. I started drinking water. Sometimes as much as 25 pints a day. I slept with a bucketful by the bed. I even bought a fire extinguisher."
DB: "I'm surprised you needed to bother. You must have pissed like a fire engine."
THEE IS STANDING WHERE I'M ABOUT TO SHOOT!
I know you play mysterious and aloof just to avoid getting hurt. And I know you have reasons for not wanting talk about your past. I want you to know that I don't care about any of that stuff. Because I'm in lesbians with you.
Don't stick out your tongue, dear; It's coated!
He did it! He missed the barn!
Miss Fleming, please call us when the shuttle lands.
Your clones are impressive indeed!
Because he was a drunk, you're a drunk. Because he loved women, you're a tramp. But you forget one thing: he did it with style.
You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside.
(to Joanne) Look at that face. Is that a face for a magazine cover? The profile. You're beautiful, and I love you. I sleep with a lot of women; I make love to you. The single most important person in my life, next to my family. Is that right, Pepe? Huh? (smashes a coke bottle on her face) Get her out of here! (To Marlowe)Now, that's someone I love! And you I don't even like! You got an assignment, cheapie: FIND MY MONEY!
Yeah, I was a dance hall girl, but what makes you so high and mighty? You own a whorehouse! A whorehouse!... And with only three whores in it. One of them is just a senile old cow - no offense, honey - and the other one's so new at it, she doesn't know which end to use. So what does that make you? The only whore in Chili Verde!
"He was trying to burgle me."
"From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month."
Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.
J: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
W: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
"This is a giant cock."
Have her then, but you're a lordly fool. She's been plucked since I saw her last, and not by you... it takes a woman to know it.
Are you a burglar?
And when you die, which is regrettable but necessary, what will happen to frail Alais and her pruny prince? You can't think Richard's going to wait for your grotesque to grow.
You wouldn't let him do a thing like that.
"Let" him? I'd *push* him through the nursery door!
You're not that cruel.
Don't fret. We'll wait until you're dead to do it.
You must learn, Mrs. Collins, to draw a firm line between the deserving poor and the undeserving.
When the boy was born, like all Spartans, he was inspected.
Joanna! How could you do a thing like that? How could you do a thing like that? How could you do a thing like that? When I was just going to give you coffee. When I was just going to give you coffee! When I was just going to give you coffee! I thought we were friends! I thought we were friends! I was just going to give you coffee! I was just going to give you coffee! I thought we were friends... I thought we were friends... I thought we were friends. How could you *do* a thing like that? I thought we were friends.
"See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?"
"Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?"
"Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring."
It really ain't the place nor time to reel off rhyming diction, but yet we'll write a final rhyme while waiting crucifixion. For we bequeath a parting tip of sound advice for such men who come in transport ships to polish off the Dutchman. If you encounter any Boers, you really must not loot 'em, and if you wish to leave these shores, for pity's sake, don't shoot 'em. Let's toss a bumper down our throat before we pass to Heaven, and toast a trim-set petticoat we leave behind in Devon.
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain"
She has mean eyes.
The mangina: It's the professional term we manwhores use to describe our he-pussy.
Marion, don't look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!
Dottie Del Taco?
Why do I think Becky'll win? Yer talkin' about the richest family in a small town ... it's front-page news when one of 'em takes a shit!
Come on love! Part me beef cur'ains.
"Oh, this old theater, this church. So replete with memories, so full of ghosts. Mrs. Alving… Uncle Vanya…there’s Cordelia, here's Ophelia. Clytemenstra! Each performance a birth, each curtain...a death. Was that a MUTT?!"
FUCK BARBRA STREISAND! AND [bold]YOU![/bold]
Congratulations! It's your first suicide!
"It's not a pretty face, I grant you, but underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character."
I'm a kid. That's my job.
"Oh, look, Millie, its Mrs. Meers. Maybe she'd like a lift."
"Repeat after me - Tah, Tey, Tee, Toe, Too."
"Tah, Tey, Tye, Tow, Tyo."
"No, no, no Miss Lamont, Round tones, round tones. Now, let me hear you read your line."
"And I cayn't stand'im."
"And I can't stand him."
"And I cayn't stand'im."
You three ... what a bunch of cocksuckers.
Indy! Cover your heart! Cover your heart!
"Yes. Yes. I'm George. George McFly. I'm your density. I mean, your destiny."
Guido: What are your political views?
Other Man: [speaking to his two sons] Benito, Adolf! Sit Down!... Sorry Guido, what did you say?
I know how you feel. You don't know if you wanna hit me or kiss me. I get a lot of that.
One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach-all the damn vampires.
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
"No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!"
"Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?"
Everyone in L.A is an actor.
"Thank you, James Franco."
The sun does not spit!
What did one cocksucker say to the other cocksucker?
This thread called for random movie quotes, not selected ones.
ChiChi! Chichi, get the yayo!
Her first natural sleep in weeks.
Poor little thing. Tomorrow you can take the boards out from under her.
"I want my Liberace record back tonight!"
"It has a scratch on it!"
"From the top of my head to the tip of my penis".
"That's right, honey. You've attacked an innocent dwarf."
Let's get out of here!
What d'ya mean fake? You say "I do", I say "I do", and the judge says "You BET you do", and we're MARRIED!
If you put lemon with it, it's all right
You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point.
"You think you got problems.What about Jeannie's kid? He was in an argument. A lousy ten dollar card game. He pulls out a gun. The gun goes off. Some kid gets killed. When the grandmother hears it and finds out he's in jail, she has a heart attack she drops dead right on the spot. Now Jeannie has a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor."
In my experience it's always worth waiting for Omar.
Go get the butter.
Go on, tell me... tell me something sweet. Smile at me and say I just misunderstood. Go on, tell me. You pig-fucker... you goddamn, fucking, pig-fucking liar.
I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than. I want...I want...I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
Well its official, my penis is now just for show.
Everything you told me was a lie!
I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.
It was the Dukes! It was the Dukes!
I spy, with my lttle eye, something that starts with C.
Brad? Brad Stevenson? Aren't you the guy who popped Amy's cherry?
I've got something for your face, mother-FUCKER!
I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.
You're a beast, and a swine, and a bloody, bloody thief!
I've told you a million times not to talk to me when I'm doing my lashes!
I ended by falling on my knees and pledging her eternal love. And do you know that, at that time, and for several hours afterwards, I actually meant it.
Don't eat the figs.
I've got no room here for any Southern scum, living or dead.
Go into the office, and make out a check, for "cash," for the sum of $5,000. Then carefully, but carefully Hilary, remove absolutely everything that might subsequently remind me that you had ever been there, including that yellow thing with the blue bulbs which you have such an affection for. Then take the check, for $5,000, which I feel you deserve, and get - permanently - lost. It's not that I don't want to know you, Hilary - although I don't - it's just that I'm afraid we're not really the sort of people that you can afford to be associated with.
[Hilary opens her mouth to say something]
Don't speak, Hilary, just... go.
I can't remember what my parents look like.
You can't run from your problems. Ain't no place that far.
Git out of our way, trash!!
Marriage license? Did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is. I hope we have a lot of boys and we can name them all after you.
That woman always makes me feel so grubby. I can't stop myself from going down to her level. She's always been a troublemaker. I landed a good few blows today. We're like two dogs fighting over an old slipper.
And so it was decreed that each year, the various districts of Panem would offer up in tribute, one young man and woman to fight to the death in a pageant of honor, courage and sacrifice.
You were ice-cream for freaks, and I saved your life!
Come off it, R33!
Chook couldn't come.
We're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you.
But I'm not laughing.
You're really at the center of it all now, aren't you? You got your powerjob, you got your hipster friends. And all that access... I mean, it's the real shit.
Are you black?
I am a gentleman's gentleman, and you are no gentleman!
Don't anybody leave this room I've lost my purse!
It was a son, a son, and I had to kill because this must all end!
They put me in Special Ed because of my HAIR!
This is a person named Eunice?
Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will.
Whaddya need speech clahss for you tahk fine!
Why are some people insisting on putting the name of the character in the Author line? These are supposed to be random.
What movie is that from, r387?
No, no, it's all right. My wine is not poisoned. It was just a bad year.
Shame on you, Swanny!
Point it the other way, Wink! You know how I detest organs!
"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard."
I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back ?
How do you feel about Cleveland?
"Eric bought a black man."
"I wasn't aware that we sold them."
The royal penis is clean, your Highness.
This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.
I can't "make a run for it". I have bad ankles from waitressing.
You old poop!
There are no more real men. Facsimiles, that's all. Facsimiles!
Thanks, I'll get it later.
If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.
Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!
I met him, fifteen years ago; I was told there was nothing left; no reason, no conscience, no understanding; and even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...EVIL.
You start to play it and it's like somebody's nightmare. And then this woman comes on, smiling at you, right? Seeing you... through the screen. Then when it's over, your phone rings, someone knows you watched the tape... and what they say is, "You will die in seven days."
Hot damn! My sister's gonna bust a gut!
You see, swimming through corridors and up and down stairwells I'm the only one trained to do things like that.
Who the HELL are you?
I'm Owen's friend.
Owen doesn't have a friend!
That's because he's shy.
No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid!
No! No! I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-Shot range model air rifle!
The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.
No, Luke. I am your father!
"It would be bad enough if you were brother and sister, but twins! It's like fucking a mirror!"
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
R408 and R412: Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian.
Please to excuse the disorder of my home.
[italic]I wish people would identify some of the more esoteric quotes. Some of them make me want to see the movies. This one shouldn't be hard[/italic]
whole place turned into a gigantic orgy, every kind of sex freak, from homosexuals to nymphomaniacs, especially the needle and mainlining scene, losing syringes down the pool drains and blocking up the water infiltration system with broken syringes. Oh, it was really some night...Drinking, guzzling tequila, vodka, and scotch, and bourbon, and shooting up every other half-second, and just going into an incredible sexual tailspin. Gobble gobble gobble gobble. Just couldn't get enough of it. It was one of the wildest scenes I've ever been in or ever hope to be in, and I should be ashamed of myself. I'm not, but I should be.
"Buzzard's gotta eat, same as the worms."
"I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"
"Well, this is the .44 Magnum Auto-Mag and it holds a 300-grain cartridge. And, if properly used, it can remove the fingerprints."
"Go ahead, make my day."
"The only people who grow old were born old to begin with."
'Dong, where is my automobile?'
I think you're all fucked in the head! We're ten hours from the fuckin' fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun, I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much fuckin' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we have encountered. There's no reason to become alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
McCroskey: Johnny, what do you make of this? [hands Johnny a map]
Johnny: This? Well, I can make a hat; a broach; a pterodactyl!
Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows, and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol!
THIS IS CETI ALPHA FIVE! Ceti Alpha Six exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically-engineered intellect that allowed us to survive. On Earth...200 years ago...I was a prince...with power over millions...
You can't catch me sleepin'...Don't you ever believe that. I'm not that dumb. The day you try to put anything over on me will be a costly one for both of you...Any more lip out of you and I'll haul off and let ya have it. If ya know what's good for ya, ya won't monkey around with Fred C. Dobbs.
"We're something, aren't we? The only animals that shove things up their ass for survival."
I know. I'm a queer, a fairy, a poof, huh? But there's one thing you forgot. You may have been framed, as you say you were... but I wasn't. Between the two of us... I'm the one who's killed a man, not you.
You better bury Ned right; and don't go cuttin' up... nor otherwise harm no whores, or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons-a-bitches.
Well, now the Duck of Death is as good as dead 'cause this time Corky does it right an' aims real good, no hurry... Bam! That Walker Colt blew up in his hand... which was a failing common to that model. Now if Corky would have really had two guns instead of just a big dick he could have defended himself to the end.
I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem MAY have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
There is no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth.
That ain't tactics, honey. It's just the beast in me.
Oh my God... I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it. YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! OH, DAMN YOU! GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one, a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. …Hmm? On what he was doing.”
“Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes; your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your… sister. So, you have a twin sister. Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now, his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side… then perhaps she will…”
Brokeback got us good, don't it?
Don't try and fool me no more, Ennis. I know what it means. Jack Twist? Jack Nasty!
Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!
"Well, Mr. Carpetbagger, we've got something in this territory called the Missouri boat ride."
Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them.
Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed.
I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those... moments... will be lost in time, like tears... in... rain. Time... to die...
"Wendy, darling, light of my life! I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in!"
You know how I know you're gay?
Your dick tastes like shit.
They're coming to get you, Barbara!
"What are you people, on dope?"
And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
R: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
V: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
R: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
V: You look like a blueberry.
R: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
V: Well, you have bad hair.
R: [insulted] What did you say?
V: I said... your hair... looks stupid.
Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall I say, more colorful metaphors-- "Double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
"You liked me once."
"Sure. For about 10 minutes one ginny evening."
He vould have an enormous schwanzschtücker.
It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Were blowin' the shit out of these prices...Here's a Mercedes Benz. It's hot, it's loaded, and got a price that's too fuckin' high...
There was a demon that lived in the air. They said whoever challenged him would die. Their controls would freeze up. Their planes would buffet wildly and they would disintegrate. The demon lived at mach 1 on the meter, 750 miles an hour, where the air could no longer move out of the way. He lived behind a barrier through which they said no man could ever pass. They called it the sound barrier.
Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Business bad? "Fuck you, pay me." Oh, you had a fire? "Fuck you, pay me." Place got hit by lightning, huh? "Fuck you, pay me."
I looked at you tonight and you weren't there... And I'm gonna howl it out, and I'm not gonna give a damn what I do and I'm gonna make the biggest god-damn explosion you've ever heard.
Try and I'll beat you at your own game.
Is that a threat George, huh?
It's a threat, Martha.
You're gonna get it, baby.
Be careful Martha. I'll rip you to pieces.
You're not man enough. You haven't the guts.
"Hey Blondie! You know what you are?! Just a dirty son of a b---"
"I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughin'. Gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it..."
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and kills! The people it kills get up and kill!
So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.
Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me.
I've been with thousands of men/again and again/they promise the moon/they're always coming and going and going and coming... and always too soon.
I understand you have taken exception to my calling you whores. I'm sorry. I apologize. I ask you to note that I did not call you callous-ass strumpets, fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts. But I did say "whores." No escaping that. And for that slip of the tongue, I apologize.
I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, horn-swogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Karras, you faithless slime.
Don't leave this girl alone with any handsome deaf mutes, Marty. that's my advice to you!
Never in my wildest imagination, I NEVER thought it could be like that. That was the most exciting sexual encounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.
I've been afraid a lot of times in my life, but I didn't know the real meaning of fear until... until I had kissed Becky.
I'm an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort.
You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll. You know what? I'm the biggest star here, man. That's the way it is! I want to fuck! It's my big dick! So, everybody get ready fuckin' NOW!
You're going to look pretty silly with that knife sticking out of your ass.
Well, I ain't sorry for you no more, ya crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!
You bitch! You cunt! Oh, you can act like the grande dame but we both know what you are...a dirty, filthy little cunt. A disgusting guttersnipe who fucked her way into what's now considered "society"...You won't last long, I can promise you that! And I'll be waiting to rejoice your downfall!
Even those who are pure of heart, and say their prayers by night, become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms, and the moon is clear and bright.
"I'll get you my pretty, and your little dong too."
You see... I don't leave my diamonds in the soap dish... and when the time comes when nobody desires me... for myself... I'd rather not be... desired... at all.
Christian, you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. But I know about art and love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being.
Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.
Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.
She only holds you in middling esteem.
Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Wait, Jack. I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people fucking on film. But I don't want to win an Oscar and I don't want to reinvent the wheel.
I like simple pleasures... like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.
Call me crazy, call me a pervert... but there's one little thing I want to do in this life and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game.
"Excuse me... Uh, Excuse me. What does God need with a starship?"
Ah, it's not the same. They don't need me. I like the way I feel. I like thinking about the red dress and the television and you and your father. Now when I get the sun, I smile.
Maybe we coo hava peek neek.
"Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?"
Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?
I hate space.
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!"
"There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. And some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. And some live in separate homes, in separate neighborhoods, in different areas of the country - and they may not see each other for days, or weeks, months... even years at a time. But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever. All my love to you, poppet, you're going to be all right... bye-bye."
When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.
I don't take whores in taxis!
Good Lawd Latrelle. Don't you know better than to sneak up on someone when they're tawkin' to a corpse?
How cheap! How loathsome! And on your way home to see your fiancee.
"They're never gonna let you perform naked. I asked."
"SHE'S NOT LISTENING TO YOU. She's nerv, she's freaking out!"
"Well get the Busy Bee. You want your Busy Bee? We'll get your Busy Bee."
YOU GET THE Busy Bee, I need to trim her whiskers. It's in the CRATE! It's in the CRATE!!!"
"Why didn't you have it out to begin with?"
"Where in the crate? It's not in here!"
"IT SHOULD BE IN THE CRATE!"
"IT'S NOT IN THE CRATE! I JUST TOLD YOU THAT!"
"GOD HAMILTON, IF SHE DOESN'T GET HER BUSY BEE SHE'S GONNA FLIP OOOOUT!!!!"
"It's not in here. You left it at the hotel!"
"You go back to the hotel AND YOU GET HER BUSY BEE!"
"GO TO THE HOTEL AND GET BUSY BEE!!!"
"RUN!" "RUN!" "GO!!!!"
Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
When I was a young girl, I was gay all the time.
I'm telling you this guy is protected from up on high by the prince of darkness.
We're sisters under the mink.
"My grandmother would have pissed on you bitches till you sprouted daisies."
I think I'll dye my hair another color and start dressing like a dyke!
I met him, fifteen years ago; I was told there was nothing left; no reason, no conscience, no understanding; and even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil.
"They are not the Hell your whales."
Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?
Her pussy gets sooooooo wet!
On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted.
My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
"Why can't I quit you?"
Merry Christmas, the shitter was full!
You got a wife? Well, you be sweet to her. My husband wasn't sweet to me and look how I turned out.
But your Majesty, you cannot die an old maid.
I have no intention to, Chancellor. I shall die a bachelor!
Twenty-five words or less? Okay. Movie exec calls writer. Writer's girlfriend says he's at the movies. Exec goes to the movies, meets writer, drinks with writer. Writer gets conked and dies in four inches of dirty water. Movie exec is in deep shit. What do you think?
"You try to live three miles from me and you won't live long, honey. You best keep runnin', Clyde Barrow. And you know it."
Actually R513, it's "I wish I knew how to quit you."
"You thought I loved Rebecca? I hated her."
"Then why the fuck didn't you tell me before you fuckwad."
You know, I'll bet those Golden Tickets make the chocolate taste terrible.
Let me lick your pretty piggy cunt!
AND EVE WUZ WAEK!
I wanted hearts, not diamonds.
This is the most important part of your education. The part your teachers fail to instruct you in. It's called balling.
You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athlete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!
I wanna' see Garbo.
If I were on death row, I'd request my final meal to be right between k d lang's legs.
You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season
Death has come to your little town, sheriff.
I didn't surrender, but they took my horse and made him surrender. They have him pulling a wagon up in Kansas I bet.
Eight more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.
Eight more days 'til Halloween, Silver Shamrock.
Confidence! I want a man who gives me confidence. Somebody to fight off the blizzards and the floods. Somebody to beat off the world when it tries to swallow you up.
Two days ago, I saw a vehicle that would haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me.
I see you are practiced in worshiping things that fly. Good. Now, rise before Zod.
Just never take any class where they make you read Beowulf.
So yes, I am nouveau riche. But then it's the riche that counts, doesn't it?
I'm straight too! Straight to my house, let's go.
I haven't seen my analyst in 200 years. He was a strict Freudian. If I'd been going all this time, I'd probably almost be cured by now.
You're immature, Fielding.
How am I immature?
Well, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually.
Yeah, but what other ways?
Beverly, honey, you have some doo-doo on your shoe!
I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown out of the house. You go find the guy who cut 'em off.
I liked you once. Then I wished I didn't. And then I got my wish.
Well, FUCK YOU. Half-dead muthafucka. Come on, sista!
"Do a lot of people have the license plate 'So Cool'?"
Wow, that was really scary. And if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work your breath will certainly get the job done, cause you definitely need some Tic-Tacs or something cause your breath STINKS!
Bolt the door, Mariah.
John-eeeeeeeee! They took my THUMB!
But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.
He did it.
He did it last year, last week, last night, and he will do it again soon if he isn't stopped.
One of those no-neck monsters hit me with some ice cream. Their fat little heads sit on their fat little bodies without a bit of connection...you can't wring their necks if they got no necks to wring. Isn't that right, honey?...Think of it, they've got five monsters and number six comin' up.
But once he opens that door, we shall know everything.
We accept her, one of us.
We accept her, one of us.
Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.
We accept her, we accept her.
Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.
One of us, one of us.
"Hey Doolittle Lynn, who's that sow you got wallowin' in your jeep?"
Captain Fucking Magic
It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Kristoff's where I usually get my hair done but Kristoff wasn't there. He had mysteriously disappeared. In his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I'll never forget him. His eyes were steely gray. His hands were like ice. He said, "I'll streak your hair and I'll give you a body wave." He worked very fast and then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror, I saw it. He permed me!
I'm not Roman. And you were not...
"You presumed wrong."
Where's my martini?!
"There's a liquor store ahead on the right."
"I should've known you'd know where to find the boys AND the booze."
I'm afraid Paolo is really a little marchetta.
"Not now. I'm on my wine break!"
"Could you please step, on the same foot, at the same time?!? My tits are falling off!"
Why don't you get down on all fours again, Waldo? It's the only time you've ever kept your mouth shut.
Get away from her, you BITCH!
"There's more to life than just a little bit of money. Doncha know that?"
Welcome to my maxi-pad.
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to 'Sparkle Motion'...
Well, the best thing I can say about her is that all her tatoos are spelled correctly.
[quote]tatoos are spelled correctly.
Which, my friend, is more than we can say about you...wink.
I love how rich people live. I love how I live when I'm with them.
Six months in Miami! How I envy you!
Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow.
"Don't do it."
Matty: [to Ned] You aren't too smart, are you? I like that in a man.
Ned: What else do you like? Lazy? Ugly? Horny? I got 'em all.
Matty: You don't look lazy.
"I'll go heat up the lasagna"
On a scale of one to ten, how good is he in bed?
"Ten year old redhead? Nope! Sorry. Ain't got any."
That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
[yells] I am retired officer of the RAF, twice decorated. I flew two hundred and seven missions over occupied territory - in bra and panties!
We rarely eat any form of noodle, Dawn, but I'll have a tiny portion to be polite. With cheese, please.
I want my two dollars!
"Well, we can't all just sit around here waitin' to grow tits."
Don't you hate Perry's wife?
"You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker dont's, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"
The room's a wreck but she folded her napkin!
It's becoming ridiculous the way you grab attention. Whenever I start to tell a story, you finish it. If I go on a diet, you lose the weight. If I have a cold, you cough. And if we should ever have a baby, I'm not so sure I'd be the mother.
"Sieze her! Sieze her and fuck her!"
“No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en"
"Hey man, I've got a little brother who's retarded! Don't use that word in a derogatory fashion."
"Her lover had the instincts of a stallion and the pride of an alley cat."
I... never played a jewel thief.
"Jennifer, this is fabulous liqueur. Reminds me of the moonshine Ricky's dead pappy used to make. God bless 'em."
"Yes, but I chose to rise above the attitudes of this small town, while you chose to lay spread over a gravestone and take them inside you!"
The end of the line, baby. This is where I get off.
Did she read the script?
"You weigh a little more than 108."
"You can eat shit as far as I'm concerned, Miss Sandstone, or eat anything you like, or do anything you like, just don't assume that I want to know your troubles. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'm a busy woman with a full day's work ahead of me. Please remove yourself from my office!"
"If anyone's gonna piss on him, it's going to be me. He don't like strangers peeing on him."