Allow me to start by saying that I have always identified as gay, and not only am I extremely happy being so, but I am in fact proud of it. I have always found my homosexuality to be a beautiful gift, rather than the burden that so many people believe or feel it can be, and I have always fully enjoyed it. My family and friends have always accepted me as such, and I have never associated anything negative to homosexuality. As I have said before, I think it's beautiful and wonderful, and I love identifying as gay.
However, over the past few months, I have started feeling more and more attracted towards women at a physical level. It isn't anything as intense or powerful as what I still feel for men, but it has become stronger over the last few months and, even though I strongly denied it, it has reached the point when it can neither be ignored. The issue is, I am NOT happy about it. I like being gay. I have always been so. Why is this happening to me? I don't want to be bisexual and I am unbelievably upset about these feelings, which I find repulsive at best.
I have always been rather biphobic, I must admit, and I have broken relationships and friendships as soon as i found out that people might even have been bisexual - which stems from the fact that I had some utterly awful experiences with bisexual men during my youth, and I have seen several of my dearest friends go through some painful and demeaning experiences with bisexuals themselves. Thus, I find it horrifying that, at the age of 31, I would start developing these completely unwanted feelings. I simply don't want to be attracted to women and no, I don't want to identify as bisexual or have anything to do with anyone who is. Still, I cannot deny that these feelings exist.
This is getting really uncomfortable and I have started to descend into self-hatred. I know that "conversion" therapies do not work, and I doubt that anything would be available to force oneself back into pure, exclusive homosexuality - however, I heartily wish there were, because I am finding it extremely difficult to deal with.
I know that some of you might kindly tell me to go to therapy to learn to accept and deal with this, but the fact is that I don't want to deal with it. I want these feelings to disappear AT ONCE. I am not only uncomfortable with them, but terribly unhappy and angry. I don't want to feel attracted to women, and I don't want to feel the shame of being something I despise with all my heart.
So please, could someone just be so kind to tell me that this is only transient and, hopefully, some sort of "anomaly" in my sexual development? I am being serious, and would be grateful if people did not take it as a joke; I am literally in tears as I write this, because I hate myself so much at the moment.
Please, help me in some way. I am at a loss as to what i can do to make these repulsive feelings go away.
Get a blog
Nice parody, OP. Now go away.
If you are for real -- a big if -- enjoy it. Have a good time.
It isn't a parody, but thank you very much for your solidarity and comprehension so far. It's been lovely to receive such wonderful support.
OP, the chance that you'll get support from the crowd here is approximately 0%.
Whether you're kidding or not, this can happen. Do I know what to "do" about it? No.
Did a specific woman or situation trigger your feelings, OP? You said that you want a quick fix rather than going through therapy, but you may want to consider it anyway since it sounds like you have some underlying issues you haven't dealt with that may be surfacing in this way.
My 2 cents
Also, I don't want to enjoy it. I find it repulsive and unpleasant, and I don't want to even experience it. It's something that I have always find objectionable in others, and has caused me to reject them - I do not want to experience it AT ALL.
I am sure that someone besides the three not-so-kind (to put it nicely) individuals who have answered until now, will be able to offer me some comfort. I just don't want to feel this at all, especially because I have researched about other men who have gone through the same, and I am horrified by their homophobia and the "heterosexual sex is better and gay men are not real men" attitude. I don't want to be like that, I don't want to have to associate with people who are like that in any way, and I do not want to feel in this way. It's disgusting.
[quote] It isn't a parody, but thank you very much for your solidarity and comprehension so far. It's been lovely to receive such wonderful support
You're an idiot if your posting here from solidarity and support.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you aren't an idiot.
Therefore you must have some other reason for posting here?
Tell us what it is?
OP, do the women you feel attracted to look like this?
OP don't worry --- it is literally your hormones. Males develop more testosterone in their 30's which is why you are feeling those attractions.
I'd bet there are other subtle things happening besides just the newfound attraction... think about it... am I right?
The young gays don't want to hear this but Ive seen it happen to the biggest of queens. Nothing to fear.
LOL - precious.
It's like a floor show in here tonight.
(cue the music)
SING IT MAURICE!
...Thank Heaven, for little girls!!!!!!
R6, it wasn't a specific woman. I suddenly started noticing that I reacted to women's faces and, over the last few months, I have noticed an increasing interest in women's bodies, which had never happened before. i will catch myself looking them over in the same way that I look at men.
The reason why I have written this message is because I was reading an article in which there was the photograph of a woman, and my body has literally reacted to it - there was a feeling of warmth in my body, especially my chest and lower abdomen - the feeling that you get when you really like someone... Only, psychologically and emotionally I do not feel any attraction to women, nor do I want to feel anything physical for them. I simply DO NOT want these feelings, and I don't even want to think about accepting them or viewing them as anything other than repulsive.
Interestng.... (scribbling on pad)
- and do they perhaps resemble your mother?
R8, the reason why I am posting here is because no one knows me, and the likelihood of anyone I know finding out that I have these feelings is next to nil.
Also, I wanted to see what people who are completely detached from the situation would say. I know that DL isn't exactly a paragon of brotherhood and compassion, but I imagined that someone would be able to offer some sort of guidance... More than anything, I am upset at the moment and I am not really thinking objectively.
I guess I just wanted to vent a little, and didn't measure the consequences.
I think you have a problem in looking at half the human race as "repulsive." If you're not interested, fine, but why the disgust?
Learn to meditate and you will be able to control your thoughts better.
Swan dive into that twat.
Jut make sure it doesn't belong to Cheryl.
You can't wash off that kind of nasty.
Roughly 67% chance this is posted by Brandon.
[quote]I think you have a problem in looking at half the human race as "repulsive." If you're not interested, fine, but why the disgust?
Because this is Dinner Theater.
Relax, Mary! Try to be all Zen about it...that which you give your attention to only grows stronger. Just go with the flow.
Watching Chevallier(sp?) sing that song is actually very disturbing - and he's in a park if I remember the film correctly.
In all my years of life, I've never known anyone to experience what you say you're going through, OP. So my choice is to believe my own experience or your anonymous posting.
Obviously I think you're dissembling. Why you're doing that, I'm not sure. Probably just trolling on a Saturday night.
R10, is it really hormonal? Will it be transient? I just really, really, REALLY want these feelings to go. Yes, I have been noticing a few changes, but I never imagined that they had anything to do with unwanted sexual feelings. I don't want to be something that repulses me and, while I am far from a misogynist, I was very happy not feeling anything towards women. I want things to go back to how they were, and I want it to be very soon.
R15, I just happen to have never met a decent bisexual man. All the ones I have ever met were dishonest, creepy, manipulative and abusive, and I refuse to have anything to do with those creatures. Equally, i know that it will sound crazy, but I am proud of being a Kinsey 6 man. I don't like the idea of being anything else.
I wish and believed in some sort of god and could pray for a miracle of some kind. I fucking hate what I am going through at the moment.
The self loathing bisexual gay man - how outre.
R22, that was just callous.
I have read that UNFORTUNATELY, there are gay men who go through what I am experiencing. Most of the ones I have read about are creeps and seem to become radical homophobes as soon as they "realize" they are also attracted to women. However, I do not like this attraction and I am terribly upset about it. The fact that you have never experienced this, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I also doesn't mean that some of us aren't very unhappy because of it.
I identify as gay. I'm intensely attracted to men. Not attracted to women at all. I hardly ever have sex with men (I jerk off a lot) but a few times a year, I will have sexual intercourse with an Asian masseuse at a place in LA. I'm not attracted to them at all but being naked and getting massaged makes me hard. I offer a big tip, they put a condom on me and I fuck them. Does that make me bisexual? I've always wondered.
[quote]I have read that UNFORTUNATELY, there are gay men who go through what I am experiencing. Most of the ones I have read about are creeps and seem to become radical homophobes as soon as they "realize" they are also attracted to women. However, I do not like this attraction and I am terribly upset about it. The fact that you have never experienced this, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I also doesn't mean that some of us aren't very unhappy because of it.
You should not believe anything written by Marcus Bachmann.
OP, can you point me to some of this reading you've done wherein gay men find a new sexual attraction to women? I do not know of it.
Contemplate Michelle's twat, that should solve your problem.
Though I suppose Marcus does deserve some kind of thank you for throwing himself on the pyre, and keeping that away from anyone else.
You're likely still 99% gay and are only having momentary physical responses toward women. The anti-bisexual feelings toward bi men is why you are obsessing about something so minor.
If you would just chill and stop being biphobic b/c of your limited experiences with bi men, these feelings would go away. Stop obsessing and ruminating and the feelings will go away in time (since you clearly have no interest in exploring this other side to you).
R27, doing research I have found this rather horrible forum called OutStraight.net in which "formerly" gay men and women engage in the most repugnant homophobic hate speech imaginable, but then go on to say that they are not homophobic because they support gay marriage for those who are not "brave" and "healthy" enough to become heterosexual. This phenomenon does exist and it's tawdry, sordid and bizarre. They are not ex-gay, but choose to identify as "newly" bisexual or heterosexual, depending on their level of internalized homophobia and sheer creepiness. Some of them go as far as to say that they gay community has "bullied" psychiatrists and psychologists into not considering homosexuality abnormal. They differ from the ex-gay movement, apparently, in that they "accept" their fluidity and don't want to repress anything or present it as shameful or ungodly. They are a bunch of freaks and they make me sick to my stomach.
I do not want to have these feelings and I find those people WEIRD and disgusting. I don't want to be one of them, because I am extremely happy as a gay man.
OP, by 'doing research' one usually means looking at studies and academic papers. Looking at anonymous postings online, while interesting, is not legitimate research, troll.
R30, I find it ironic that a bisexual person would be one of the few to give me an honest, decent response amidst the barrage of pointless bitching. I am sorry if I have offended. I really did not want to hurt any people's feelings.
I will follow the advice of those who have told me to let it go and, hopefully, it will all disappear very soon. Thank you for giving me some respite anyway - really needed it.
Also, sorry if I have offended you. nothing could have been further from my intention.
R33, I know. I was just trying to find personal accounts of people who had gone through, or were going through the same. My wording was inappropriate at best.
Again, I want to apologize if I have offended anyone. I was incredibly upset when I started writing.
If you find having hetero sex nasty--- than you aren't bisexual. Maybe you are just noticing beauty?? I mean do you want to go down on a woman? Are you having dreams of screwing a woman. If not, I imagine you are psychologically trying to make yourself think you are bisexual. Watch some straight porn--- or even lesbian porn and see if you like it.
Extremely sensitive topic.
Go away, troll. Gay men do not become attracted to women. Change, even with prayer, is not possible.
And there's the curtain.
What's up next?
R37, the reaction is physical, but the idea of having anything to do with a woman repulses me beyond anything imaginable. A few weeks ago I tried to watch some heterosexual porn, and found it simply unpleasant and beyond unappealing. It's just that I have been shocked by the fact that there was any physical reaction at all, when there had never been anything before beyond friendship or sympathy.
ALso R39, I never said that people can change their sexual preference unless they are innately bisexual. I am NOT or, at least, I don't want to be.
Please, stop accusing me of promoting things that are as offensive to me as they would be to any other gay man. Equally, I have given enough explanations in this thread to make people realize that I am not trolling. I was just very upset and wanted to hear some comforting words. Unfortunately, most people have just offered me their despicable cuntyness.
OP, you are looking at Outstraight, a sick and twisted section of the bi movement not far removed from the ex-gay excrescence.
Get off the internet and talk to some real people. Maybe a woman. You might actually like one.
Dial your emotions down.
I suggest it is related to your control mania, evident from the most numerous postings I have seen on a thread by an OP.
I do not intend to be unfriendly, and suggest it is not necessarily a sexual issue, but is manifesting in your sexual "determination."
A furious reaction to this idea would indicate a good lead there.
PS It might be that the meditation advice would be of value, but it takes some application. Worth it, though.
r36 Datalounge isn't the place for this question. Try going to a forum that specializes in later in life bisexuality. Google it. You'll find something. And no it is not weird to discover you are bisexual later in life. Although I mostly hear it that someone who thoght they were straight finds out they are bisexual than a gay person discovering they are actually bisexual.
What I think you need to do is get a grip and DEAL with it. Wishing and hoping "it" will go away just will not happen. Find yourself a good therapist, sit down and try to figure out what is causing this. Is it hormonal or psychological or what. Once you know WHY it's happening, then maybe you can figure out what to do about it.
Thanks again for these last responses. I agree with the fact that I am an overemotional person and yes, I am very neurotic and a control freak. My reaction to this has been so strong because I have allowed it to fester, mainly because I tend to deal with things I find unpleasant by obsessing about how to change them, rather than objectively assessing their nature and the real value they have in my life.
I want to thank all those among you who have been kind enough to take the time to give me honest, measure and yes, even compassionate answers. You cannot imagine how much I appreciate it. I will follow your advice and direct my inquiries to more adequate channels.
You sound like a 5 on the Kinsey Scale -- Predominately homo, only incidentally hetero. Maybe not even a 5. I have sex with girls, gone down on them, but I was either very young or fucked up on some substance that made me lose my inhibitions. I occasionally have feelings about women, but I rarely watch straight porn. Do you watch straight porn, OP? If watching a woman have sex turns you on, then you might want to give it a try yourself. If it doesn't you might be looking for someone without a dick to comfort you.
I'm sorry you've only had bad experiences with bi men. I find your thought process really insulting.
I am a bi man that has been with my male partner for 15 years. And no I am not seeing a woman on the side. I don't think hetero sex is better than gay sex. That's like comparing apples and oranges.
How one bi guy acts does not represent how all bi men act.
A label is just that - a label. Keep identifying with whatever feels most comfortable. Don't act on your attractions to women if you don't want to (although I feel like you're missing out on one less experience you can have in life, whether your straight or gay I think sex with both genders should just be experienced). And jusr because you're having physiological responses to women doesn't mean you're mental thinking is going to change. Thats the silliest thing i've ever heard. I mean you getting hard for women isn't gonna turn you into a homophobic jerk!
If OP is so disgusted by these repulsive women, what's he worried about? He's never going to act on those feelings, what's the big deal if he can't control them? The main thing is that he'd never go near any woman and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
Ummmmmm... fiction anyone?
I'd suggest you go fuck yourself, OP.
[quote]I'd suggest you go fuck yourself, OP
Don't be ridiculous he's interested in women now.
Just find a f2m who hasnt had it sewn up like I did. They tend to let their bushes get all crazy because they want to hide it or they think it equates to masculine or something, but i got some snatch a couple of times and it wasnt bad - - and no i havent gone back
Maybe you're just going through a phase.
Unhappy with newfound bestiality.
I'm a troll
Can I please have the 30 seconds back I wasted reading your whining bullshit?
Glad to see that OP is taking responsibility for his future happiness by casting aside his old, outgrown, sinful life.
DIE you nasty homophobic cunt!!!
Don't you think you're overreacting? When certain types of 'straight' men get all uptight and bitchy, and are all 'ew gross, I could never, other men are gross' I find that to be a sign of immature insecurity, etc.
There can be a cool sophistication to not making a big deal out of this kind of thing.
There are also some controversial theories that bisexual *potential* exists in everyone. Potential doesn't mean it's always realized, mind you... Even if you didn't have these new specific feelings, there would be nothing stopping you from physically experimenting with women.
Also you can still identify as gay. If you basically fit the gay profile.
Though if none of that is acceptable advice...then I'd almost be tempted to say you should hang out with women *more*, albeit platonically. That may seem counter-intuitive at first, but no.
You anti-gay apologists from WBC and NOM you die too!!!!
OP claims to have been visiting forums at a site called OutStraight.
Try Googling it.
The real problem is your rigid categorization of how you are "supposed" to feel.
Nobody is going to throw you into gay traitor prison for wanting to jack off to a woman now and then, for Christ's sake.
Have you barbarians no appreciation for drama?
[quote]I have researched about other men who have gone through the same, and I am horrified by their homophobia and the "heterosexual sex is better and gay men are not real men" attitude. I don't want to be like that
OP, you really are fucked up, and not because you're getting a little tingly over women. Get over yourself. Just because you feel a 'slight' attraction to certain women doesn't mean you're bi-sexual. Not even close. And WTF makes you think you have to act on it?
Nearly everyone-male, female, straight, gay, at some point in their life feels an odd attraction to someone that is the opposite of their preferred gender. So what? Most mature, well adjusted people are a little amused and puzzled by it, but certainly not freaked out. Trust me, it'll pass.
And what's with the bi hate? You really do need therapy if you believe all bisexual men are homophobic.
logic of op not making sense. Contradiction=troll.
It is common to become sexually excited watching any type of sex in regular movies or porn.
I do not understand the problem.
One can be sexually excited by women or men in daily life, in movies, in porn, but want to have sex with just one gender.
There is nothing mysterious or odd about this.
r63 is right, they had me there for a moment though, but TROLL OVERREACH. OP is a troll.
If this is for real, then dude, seriously you should be happy as fuck and take the opportunity to enjoy a mainstream life and all of the priviliges that come with it. I would kill for that chance. And besides that, even if (after you're married) you still have strong homoerotic feelings, you can cheat on your wife. It's not like something like real love, being faithful actually exists no matter if you are str8, gay or bi. Take my advice and enjoy the fact that you can live fully right now.
R73 = Maggie Gallagher
For gods sake, just have sex with a woman already and be done with it. If you discover you hate it then you'll get it out of your system. If you discover you like it, good for you. You sound ridiculously infantile with your "I hate myself", "Poor me, I might not be a goldstar gay, anymore", or "a pure gay" (ya little nazi).
Your biphobia is annoying and ridiculous.
OP, are you American or British?
a[quote]nd, even though I strongly denied it, it has reached the point when it can neither be ignored.
Your sexuality is like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"!
LOL @ R77
OP= Jake Gylenhaal after opening weekend boxoffice bearding paid off
OP, what type of men do you like the most?
Being 90% gay is even more fun than being 100% gay. Maybe you should try an M/M/F threesome.
Doing a mmf thing seems like a sensible way to ease yourself into it.
I'd never heard about this 'late-in-life-bi' stuff but I guess it's a real thing.
I've never experienced sexual attraction to a woman myself so to have it suddenly start occurring would probably freak me out a little too. I can definitely appreciate a beautiful/hot/sexy woman - I can identify it, I just don't get off on it.
As for bi guys in general, subconsciously I react to them in the same way that I react to straight guys: cool for friendships but nothing more, I lose interest romantically/sexually once I know a guy is straight/bi.
OP, try some heavy drinking. It kills any sex drive you might fear.
R73, unlike you, I am not beset by internal homophobia. The idea of straight privilege has always left me cold and, now, the idea of entering the "acceptable" world of heteros is even more unappealing than ever. I do not want to feel like this. I was always happy as a gay man, and I wish to continue being so in the future.
R84 - I don't want to have anything to do sexually with a woman. This is an unwanted attraction and it repulses me. Equally, just like yourself, I am completely turned off by straight and bisexual men. I don't want to have anything to do with them, except as acquaintances. Also, the idea of a MMF threesome makes me want to puke - the reason why I have reacted so strongly is because I do not like, want or desire in any way to have these feelings. It's fucking disgusting.
OP, you overthink everything, and I'm sorry to say that, though you may be genuine, every post of yours in this thread comes across as a parody. Could you find a female of your acquaintance you sort of like/don't detest completely, and fuck her?
Enough, OP, your little troll thread is played out now.
And on the non-existent chance that you're for real, you're an idiot. If the idea of having a sex with a woman repulses and disturbs you so much, DON'T DO IT. Problem solved. You needn't act upon every passing physical urge, you know, and nobody's going to put a gun to your head and force you to become actively bisexual.
OP, how old are you?
OP is something that never happened.
So, basically, because something hasn't happened to you and you cannot be upset and unpleasantly confused about it, it isn't real? Posting in here was a mistake: while some people have been rather kind or even respectful while displaying some bluntness, the majority of you have been absolute cunts.
I don't plan to act on these very much unwanted feelings and no, I don't want to become bisexual or identify as such AT ALL. I just felt really uneasy about it (or rather, angry and repulsed). If that makes me an idiot, so be it. You are not proving to be particularly intelligent either. Moreover, if I am a troll, just ignore anything I have to say and go on living your lives. You won't gain or lose anything in either way.
Thanks for those who have answered kindly. I am sorry if I have offended any one of you. As for the rest of you, go fuck yourselves. Insufferable wankers.
Re-read your own posts for hints as to why people here may doubt your veracity. Pay close attention to the wording.
"Most of the ones I have read about are creeps and seem to become radical homophobes as soon as they "realize" they are also attracted to women. However, I do not like this attraction and I am terribly upset about it."
OP, what is so repulsive about having feelings for women? What is so repulsive about being bisexual? I suggest you get some help and find out why you are full of self loathing. Whether you are gay bisexual or straight, it's all good- IF you are alright with yourself.
By the content of your posts, OP, you are either very unhappy with yourself (full of prejudices- not to mention misinformation- such as the quotation above suggests). Wonder why. Therapy- get professional help.
Or you are a troll. It seesm kind of odd to me that you cannot see it yourself. Your denigration of bisexuals as evidenced by the above quotation and a number of your comments, is equivalent to being homophobic.
Oh my fucking god OP. Relax. I hope you're a bottom, because you need a healthy ass fuck. Guess what? No woman wants a needy, overwrought, whiner. So don't worry about your new found hetero thoughts...
OP You've been trolled.
I think OP needs to sell his story to all of the conversion therapy and religious organizations to PROVE that being gay is a choice and people can will themselves to be attracted to the opposite sex - with the help of god, of course.
You could easily make 5-10K per seminar and be toted around the country telling people about your miraculous conversion.
[quote]It's fucking disgusting.
Oh, honey, there is nothing about you that is the least bit bi or straight. Your premium gold star gay card might have gotten lost, but it is definitely not expired. A new one is in the mail.
[quote]the idea of entering the "acceptable" world of heteros is even more unappealing than ever.
Oh, my sides. Trust me, you don't have to worry.
Straight and bi guys are way hotter!! Gay men are gross
what you are developing is called transient sexuality. very rare. the feelings are going to get stronger for women and less for men. go see a doctor this could be a symptom of something worse.
OP, you are annoying and ppl are reacting to you this way not because DL tends to be bitchy but because you come across as a petulant child. You don't want to act on it then DON'T!!! What exactly do you expect people here to do about your instinctive feelings? You're the only one who can solve it. Did you expect people to tell you it's not a big deal? It's not but you insist on making a big deal out of it. You're not reacting like a 31 year old but like a 7 year old.
Also, in all your "POOR ME", "omg, it's so disgusting" etc reactions, you've insulted numerous people - bisexuals and women. I wish your female friends knew what a shit you are.
Your new found attraction to women is the least of your problems. If you take anything from this thread, take THAT.
I BROKE DOWN AND HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN. MOM SAYS I AM EVEN BETTER THEN OUR DAD.
R100 - go on girl - tell it like it is.
OP - stop trolling here. You're trying too hard and are not believable.
Nobody will ever take you seriously or love you, OP!
Try it; you'll like it.
OP, you are overwrought over nothing. Just because you find something attractive, does not mean you want to fuck it. There is no reason not to enjoy the aesthetic feelings or even eroticism. It doesn't need to have an endgame or a significance other than the enjoyment. Very famous gay artists in history have always painted some attractive women. And, honestly, I'd be more concerned about your rigidity on this. That's your bigger problem.
Off topic but I just googled 'late in life bisexual' and found out that Clive Davis, the famous music mogul, just came out as bi. Who knew?
OP, you are so hateful and prejudiced toward bisexuals that I am happy you are having a hard time.
You deserve it for being the dumb prick that you are.
OP maybe you're like Cecil Beaton. He fucked Garbo...(silly queen)
Clive Davis is gay - lives with a man. He's too scared to say it, so he calls himself bi, like all you so called bi folk out there. Queerest queers in Queerland you lot.
So, OP, have you already succumbed to the power of beef drapes, or are you still a Gold Card carrying 'mo?
Or maybe you've just run into a convent and decided to be celibate for the rest of your life? Do tell us! I wanna know!
You are not alone. Fortunately, you are not a creepy guy who wants to cheat on their boyfriend and get women pregnant or anything of the sort. Here you have a few freaky examples that will make you happy that you aren't happy with your attraction.