It can actually be lonelier around other people when you have nothing in common with them, which is most of the time.
I enjoy being alone sometimes but rarely feel lonely.
I guess most people feel lonely from time to time and many of them have the ability to change that if they want. Real loneliness is knowing that you are incapable of ever connecting with anyone, no matter what.
You always have us, OP. We love you!
Not all of us.
OP: me too.
Add me to the lonely people.
I'm 31, and my life is nothing like I thought it would be. I've never had a real relationship, no friends, and live in a town I hate. It's strange because in the past being alone didn't bother me, but the past few years, it's been getting to me.
I feel like I'll never have a boyfriend (then again, I don't go out so some of it's probably my fault). I'm a nice person and I'm not ugly, so what is the problem?
OP, I'd like to know what you need from people that you aren't getting.
R8 you have to be careful with people ,i am a lot like you i guess and until recently i had friends but it turned out they were my enemies and actually tried to get me in trouble with law and set me up.
you never know who you are dealing with.
now at 23 i prefer solitude to any ''friends'' except one casual buddy i hang out with like once in two months.
never been happier.
it's all perspective.i know situations where ''fiends'' got people incarcerated.set ups and what not.money laundering,car jacking,generally using for favours etc.
you gotta be careful these days,it seems like everyone is out to get you.
I feel the same way, OP.
Mystics say experiencing profound loneliness is evidence of a move into higher consciousness. Stay tuned.
don't give up until you drink from the silver cup....
Hang in there OP, you can be a loner and be fine . My philosophy is everybody sucks, but some people suck less than others. Limited contact is fine. I don't do social media, nor am I interested in starting. I don't give two shits xbout who's doing what at this very moment.
I'm currently learning that someone who I thought of as one of two real friends I have may be suing me. Fuck that shit!!!!
OP, I know exactly how you feel. I think many Americans actually know how you feel, although it may not look like that on the surface. I think loneliness is a growing epidemic in America, especially with the internet and the breakdown of community.
Internet is the problem and the solution. Internet has broken down the community.Now all we have are these virtual "friends" who we share similar tastes/opinions with but we don't know our own neighbours.
We appreciate this connection that is made, with people who are far away, but it also widens the gap between people who are physically much closer together.
R17 Wow, what a friend! I would be furious!
Sometimes I can't believe how lonely I am. Like tonight. Sitting around, reading a book, realizing that I haven't had a boyfriend in years, and it's unlikely I ever will. I have some friends, but they can't provide the intimacy, the closeness, that I crave and will never have.
I think about killing myself a lot, but I would never really do it. But it's a sign of my loneliness that suicide is such a large part of my thoughts.
I just don't understand what happened. How did I end up like this?
Love is a market place. If your product isn't moving, then it's because of poor packaging, bad product placement, undesirable contents, or expiration-date issues.
Learn to love your own company, OP -- I did. Now instead of feeling frustrated and sad all the time because I don't "fit in," I am perfectly at ease here by myself with my dog and cat to keep me company.
And find a hobby you love.
I've been a loner for much of my life, except when I moved to Europe in my 20s and did a lot of partying for a few years. I had lots of "friends" then, but none of those friendships lasted once I burned out on that scene. It's like you ceased to exist if you didn't go out for awhile. I've made friends at work here and there, but if you meet them outside of work, all anyone wants to do is bitch about the toxic workplace and it's really not fun. I'm happier at home surfing the net, watching my shows or movies, reading a good book. No stress and no strings attached.
I like the idea of a boyfriend, but fear it would only be a race to see who drives the other one nuts first.
OH POOR YOU!
I have a lot of acquaintances but few friends.
Get a dog, r8.
It's hard to find people who you have things in common with.
After spending a few hours with someone, I'm anxious to get home.
R21, I could've written your post.
I think about killing myself a lot too....especially lately. November/December are the worst, though. All this phony sense of "family" that is manufactured by the media to get people to spend money is hell to those of us with no family and few friends. Most of my friends live very far away and usually spend the holidays with their families.
Usually in January, the clouds clear and I'm somewhat content being alone but this time of year has been extremely cruel these last few years (after my mom died). I frequently contemplate jumping off the Golden Gate which is less than an hour from where I live.... If there was a suicide pill that could make ending one's life quick and painless, I'd have offed myself years ago.
no reason to kill yourself, R30
being lonely is a large part of the human condition
if you think there are other people who are not as lonely as you are, you are wrong - there are plenty of lonely people - as I said, it's part of the human condition
R21, you are not alone in feeling this way.
There are tons of people - both men and women - who have not had a significant other in a very long time.
I don't think there are other people who are not as lonely as I am but that knowledge doesn't really make a difference to what I'm experiencing.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with suicide.
I'm basically a loner, and have come to develop a knack for solitude. I actually now prefer it to most company, which can cause difficulties.
The few friends and family I do see I appreciate all the more, because I'm not jaded by daily gregariousness.
I'm bolstered by the fact that throughout history plenty of great writers, for example, have been solitaries, and survived (or flourished), because that was the life that best suited them. (They were admittedly spared the relentless multi-media pressure to pair-bond, to mix, we face today.)
When I read and hear about the intense pain and hatred involved in break-ups, and the long afterburn, I feel the more solitary life has its benefits as well as difficulties.
"The best cure for loneliness is solitude." (Marianne Moore)
"If you're afraid of loneliness, don't get married."
If you have the time and money do some good. Foster a kid, help out at a charity ...
foster a kid? My lord, fostering a kid is an enormous task and something very very few have an ability to do.
Fostering a kid is a terrible suggestion.
I like spending time just by myself, quite often people talk stupid and they don't have anything interesting to say.
R21 could have been written by me. And like R30 says, if there was a pill, I would have taken that step earlier..
Well I am coming out of a platonic relationship (straight guy) that brought me great joy at first, then great sorrow. I have never felt more alone in my life. I actually love the holidays and refuse to let this ruin them. I decided to end the relationship because this person has such issues and has truly been such a horrible friend that I would be better off alone. I must tell you that I miss those Friday night texts "You coming over?".. Its hard to let go of someone when you do not have a family. I pray a lot and I do believe in the power of positive thinking. I have a great friend ( and her entire family) who are genuinely good people. They live far away but I am always welcome in their life and home. Truly good people. I try to focus on that. And I do ask god to please bring good people into my life and to let ME be a good friend.
I'm really introverted so I need a lot of time alone to regain my energy and I used to feel lonely and experienced a lot of self pity. Then a new coworker showed me a different way to look at life and I have been happier than I thought possible. He's 32 and really has a lot of challenges with ADHD, he drives people crazy with his hyper stuff and he's super intelligent so he does not have a lot of patience. One woman after another boots him out, he's very lovable but as I said he just wears people down.
So he has two children by two failed marriages and he spends a lot of his time hanging out with his kids, he's always short on money and time but he never feels sorry for himself. I asked him what his secret was for his emotional resiliency and he said "self pity is the most powerful addiction, it infects every aspect of your life and destroys all satisfaction and drives away everyone. It is poisonous."
After that I googled "self pity" and read everything I could find. Letting go of self pity is not letting go of feelings, he still experiences disappointment, sorrow, grief. I have never known anyone who can live in the now like he can and I know it is because of his refusal to indulge self pity.
R21 here. I appreciate those posters who've said that they could have written my post. Is it wrong that it does make me feel better, to know that others feel as I do? I don't wish these feelings on anyone, but sometimes it does seem that no one else is lonely.
I wish there were some way those of us on this thread who are lonely could meet each other. I live in NYC. The lonely capital of the world.
[quote]I wish there were some way those of us on this thread who are lonely could meet each other. I live in NYC. The lonely capital of the world.
I'm surprised NYC is so lonely for someone. I always figured big city people had it better. I live in a shitty small town and think it's lonely.
R41: Sign me up for the West Coast branch.
[quote]I'm surprised NYC is so lonely for someone
Yes, me too. People are very friendly in NY everyone talks to you as you go around. London's cold but not as bad as it was, now we have so many foreigners.
I am a loner and I am fine with it, my choice. However if you are alone/lonely and don't like it, then if you are able bodied it is no ones fault but yours. Volunteer, do charity work, get involve with a theater group. Become a big brother/sister, mentor a younger person, become a tutor. Take some adult education courses, learn to cook. Volunteer at the local humane shelter, Habitat for humanity, food bank, hospital. There are so many things you could do, if you really wanted to. Nothing like helping out others to make your own life more meaningful.
I'm one of the Ghost People who lives in a large city, with one friend in the world who lives several hundred miles away.
I'd love to have all the friends others seem to have, but starting over seems really daunting.
I think R45 is totally right.
Read his post and read it again.
R44 That's funny because I've been to London many times and I always feel right at home because the people are so nice to me. I never feel lonely when I'm there. People in a foreign country are nicer to me than here in the US *sigh*.
r22 I thought love was a battlefield?
Wouldn't it be nice if there was a line you could call and there'd be someone that you could talk to on your wavelength (say some Dataloungesque type person, you know the kind you like). Instead we are all isolated and silent.
Use the anonymous chat site Omegle and just type in "datalounge" as one of your interests.
You can do all of those things R45 and still feel lonely.