Would you seriously date someone who had a slutty Grindr phase? Would it negatively change the way you look at your bf? And if you had a slutty phase and now want to be in a serious, hopefully long-term monogamous relationship, would you tell your boyfriend about your past?
I know honesty is great and all, but would it be better to leave the past behind you and not tell your partner about it? After all, it's in the past and before you got together with the bf.
Considering the fact that we'd be exchanging bodily fluids, some idea of his sexual history would be welcome. I wouldn't withhold mine.
Beggars can't be choosers.
Slutty past means you can get freaky without freaking him out. Yes.
A slutty past means you've had more sexual partners than the maximum occupancy of the Louisiana Superdome.
I'd have to be sure he wants to settle down. That would take time to figure out, but I agree with the previous comment, he's more likely to get kinky and keep things from getting stale on down the road.
Ethically, you have to be honest with your partner about your sexual history. You don't have to share every detail but you do have to tell him the truth.
Depending on how far in the past your "sluttiness" occurred, it might make a difference. Last month? No chance. Last year? Possibly interested. Five or more years ago? It's genuinely in the past and essentially a non-issue. You still have to be honest about it if you're a decent human being.
If your potential partner can't understand you went through a "slutty" phase, he may not be the right guy.
But you'll never know unless you tell him. Answer his questions honestly and give him the time he needs to wrap his head around it, but if he just can't accept your past it's not gonna work long-term. You are your past. Those experiences, in part, make you who you are.
By slutty, I meant hooking up on Grindr on average of 3-4 different guys a week, going to dark rooms in clubs to get blowjobs, going to bathhouses when visiting foreign cities... that sort of thing. It might be considered normal and average for some people here on DL.
Would this be a turn-off for most people?
Not if he wore a condom, R9.
[quote]Ethically, you have to be honest with your partner about your sexual history.
I would argue ethically he need only be honest about a) his sexual health and b) his capacity to meet the monogamy needs of the partner.
You could sleep with just six guys in your life and catch something... enduring, like HPV or herpes. As we know, most of DL will post they've slept with 20,000 guys and never caught so much as a cold. I don't think it's the volume as much as the impact, if any.
OP, are you sure you're up to this, given your track record so far? No crime if you aren't but don't waste his time.
Personally, I don't want to know the number of guys anybody's slept with.
Just out of curiosity, has any gay guy anywhere ever ended up married to the man to whom he lost his virginity?
OP- Ultimately you need to be honest with him if only because its healthy for you to know that you can be accepted by him without having to hide anything.
That doesn't mean you have to give all the details right off the bat.
But in the end, if he judges you for that, he probably isn't the right fit.
I would start in small doses and then get into the details once you trust him. You might be pleasantly surprised by his response. Who knows?
I disagree... if there's anything health related that comes from the past, he should be upfront. All he owes him going forward is honesty about what happens from them on.
[quote]Would this be a turn-off for most people?
Definitely a huge turn off for me at least, and a pretty big red flag all things considered. Like R7 suggests, there's a certain statute of limitations that applies to what's solidly in the past but if there's any sign that the "slutty" behavior is a repeating pattern to the extent that I couldn't trust his ability to stay monogamous, it's a deal-breaker.
Who wants a partner who can honestly say theyve slept with half the men, or more, when they walk into a crowded room ?
Everyone has a past, but when youve slept with most of your friends its a problem.
Usually, this kind of behavior doesn't come in isolation. I've had two friends who were truly out of control sexually - these were not dumb guys, but they had extremely poor judgment across a spectrum of issues. Financial difficulty, denial about the health risks they were taking, lying about their actions, covering up who they were. In one case, the guy was in love with one man while fucking a different guy every night man 1 wasn't available and calling home to his temporarily out-of-town husband. He was shocked when he got kicked out of "his" house.
Have fun, but when you are not being able to deal with the reality of the fun, there's going to be trouble for you and anyone unfortunate enough to share your life.