My mom says I'm bi.
Sure, I get along with women much better.
But they don't even give me a semi, so....I'm not bi.
I was bisexual, but the gays always call me gay. Just goes to show you they claim gross guys, too!
I like bi/bi curious guys better. They are more alpha, have more of an identity and have less issues than gay men.
With all due respect, r2, I certainly had quite a few issues!
'No labels' is the new Bi for the next generation OP.
How old are you, OP? When I first came out as a teen, my mom said that if I was even a little bi or had any inklings of attraction to women, she hoped I'd choose to end up with a woman rather than a man - it was her resisting my coming out and looking for an escape / out so she wouldn't have to confront my actually being gay. Over time I got her to accept that I was gay and couldn't see myself in a romantic relationship with a woman, and she doesn't bring up any "bi" crap anymore.
And yeah, "getting along with women much better" has nothing to do with it - I got along with women great for friendships (as do many gay men, since there's no sexual tension or conflict involved); that has nothing to do with sexuality.
Your mother should have absolutely no say in the matter
r2, so true
R2 what bullshit... Goes to show how damaging internalised homophobia is.
More alpha ? If you mean that the ones who are effectively sex tourists treat gay men with disrespect, I'd agree. But that's not 'alpha', it's fucked up. If you mean they only let you suck their dick, don't kiss, and won't get fucked, ditto.
More of an identity ? If you mean they run away and pass for straight when despunked, then see above. If you mean that, for you, the fact they fuck women too makes them superior in any way, them you're fucked up too. It doesn't, but gay men have been put down and told they weren't real men for so long that maybe you feel pussyfuckers are more than you. They aren't.
Less issues ? As Grandma would say, ROFLMAO.
I've met a few bi guys who were fun and hot. But too often they have poor hygiene, don't get the idea of douching, are fucked up, pass for straight when it benefits them, and are not as good at gay sex as gay men are. And I've had more support in my life from heterosexual men who are comfortable with themselves than from bi guys. Very few bi guys I've met are radical and willing to challenge the status quo: apologies to those who are nothing like what I've written here, but it's very much based on experience. Give me a clean, hot, out gay man in bed.
Give me Nick Jonas.
r9 = Bitter old queen who wants to be bi.
R11 = very sad person who thinks that using oejorative terms bout another will cover up their own ssues.
r12 = Hates bi men. Wants to be bi himself.
Ooooh, R9, I seem to have hit a nerve. The only impaired paradigm here is yours: since I don't see the world exactly the way you do, I am internalising my homophobia. Must be that.
I mean from your post, let's see:
1) You see "alpha" and your mind immediately jumps to sex, nothing more. Sad because it only reaffirms that gay men are obsessed with sex and it probably relates back to their damaged sexual and adult identities. Newsflash: "alpha" nowadays - especially when used describing men-women dating relations - is essentially an outgoing, confident but not cocky man who lives life on his own terms. That's what I meant. Someone who isn't shy, someone who isn't pushed around, someone who simply is himself. (Normally I wouldn't do this, but you seem thick so I'll spell it out lest you jump down my throat for it: this has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity.)
2) Young gay men (I made the error of assuming the OP is young, like myself; I might have been wrong so forgive me for this) lack this ability to be themselves. They're so caught up in their heads about having to be this, or that (masc or fem being one of them), about having to look a certain way and act a certain way that they never can settle on a true identity. Ever seen a young gay fop? They never look comfortable in whatever it is their wearing. We lack role models in our personal lives and there is precious little to look up to in the media. Hence, there's a complete lack of identity. I mean just pull up some online dating profiles: in my experience, gay guys are the ones who either have a chip on their shoulder about being masculine, feminine, a bottom or top, or something bloody else, whereas a straight guy will most probably just describe his interests whatever they may be and go with the flow.
Go to a straight club for all I care: Guys just having a good time, looking relaxed and goofing off. Go to a gay bar and you'll see people looking sulky, standing around in cliques and hating each other.
To sum it up, gay men have no "dating" game anymore. I can't talk of cruising; it's essentially unheard of where I live. Grindr hooking up is all, "Show me your ass, show me your dicks" - more akin to a horse market than finding someone cool who you'd like to take home for fun.
And yeah, for the most part they seem to have less issues. I mean I met this cute boy through a friend; I ahd seen him on Grindr and thought him hot; upon meeting him IRL, I was instantly turned off. Why? He was 19 but if you covered my eyes, I'd say he was a 33 year old queen. Smoking, acting like a total diva - and for what? I don't know. It's so damn fake.
I won't even address your asinine third point; re-read my post where I say your head is so far into sex-sex-sex - all you can think of! Sad. I'm literally feeling sorry for you, I don't mean that in a snarky manner. You can't even fathom that men can relate to each other without the equation of the bed coming into the picture.
I'm fortunate in many respects really: I'm bookish so I don't have to worry about the whole athletic or not scene; I went to an all-boys school growing up so I have no problem relating to men, gay or straight; got loving parents here (and that's the best one can ask for) and I'm incredible critical in my thinking so I don't follow fads or anything which sets me apart from my peers. It also enables me to pick and choose qualities I like in role models and not emulate them blindly which a lot of young people - gay or straight - tend to do.
Anyway, this is way off mark. I think the only real shortcoming bisexual men have is a much larger problem of people being fearful, mindless sheep: that they'll never settle with a man because of the sway their parents, their friends, their religion, and/or society holds over them. Essentially, they are completely lacking in balls but they are not to blame for that. It's simply thousands of years of culture at work and hopefully, we're at a turning point in history here.
Gay (men) are also largely to blame: men are raised to be independent and unyielding; factor in how lonely a gay existence is and we become selfish. Men settle with women because women typically compromise. Besides, can you imagine putting up with a person like R9? Christ.
I’ll end with your idiotic rant about hygiene. I briefly dated a guy once; he’s the only guy I’d say that matched the alpha picture I painted: He was 24, doing what he loved, fearless in many ways. He has been the only man to emotionally turn me on and excite me. But (among other issues) he had terrible breath. So let’s see how that sits with you; it’s really unfortunate that you think gay men are a different species. They’re not. Not anymore.
OP is not a faggot! And I'm just the dame to prove it!
R2/R15/R16 it's interesting how you attach your negative feelings to me. You said bi men were more alpha: look up what alpha male actually means: the male in the comunity with the highest rank, the superior being. That's exactly what I reject, the notion that bi or straight men are in any way superior to gays. But you promote that notion, you immediately push your concept that gay men are obsessed by sex and have damaged sexual and adult identities. You're making my point for me, about how you see gay men as second-rate, and you're full of shit and homophobia for doing so.
Then having laid out your grand plan of what these supposedly "superior" men must be, you attack gays for not measuring up. Again, you demean gays in favour of your fantasy of bi/straight superiority. What I see around me are young gay men more able to be themselves than ever before, and if they choose to be fops or masc or fem (to use your terms), more power to them. Why shouldn't they define themselves as masculine, feminine, bottom or top if they want to ? why should they fit your narrow, prescribed version of what a man is ? And even in your view of how much better a straight club is than a gay club, you reek of homophobia: in your eyes, gays don't measure up.
It's odd also that you accuse me of being into nothing but sex-sex-sex as you put it, when your concern seems to be "finding someone cool who you'd like to take home for fun" AND you use Grindr.... you're obviously so superior (not).
And if your bi men are so alpha, why is it, as you admit, that they are " fearful, mindless sheep: that they'll never settle with a man because of the sway their parents, their friends, their religion, and/or society holds over them. Essentially, they are completely lacking in balls" ??? That is so far from alpha that I really don't think you've thought about it. And even in your epilogue, you push the idea that gay existence is lonely: you say it, but it's just not true. It's not me that thinks gay men are a different species, it's you who continually pushes the concept that they are inferior, as your comments show. And the funny thing is, of the two of us, I'm the one in a great, lasting relationship: you're the unhappy single guy who rejects people. Look inside yourself to see why. The thing is, I tell you your ideas are wrong: your response is to accuse me of being asinine and idiotic. But you don't address the issues, except to repeat your idea that bi men are better than us. That's crap.
Your mother has no idea what she's talking about. Seriously.
I came out as bi to my mom. She said she'd be happier if I were gay because it would mean I would be less promiscuous.
It was my mom who had issues.
As long as we're dreaming, make me straight, sexuality fairy. Fuck this bi shit.
So as a bisexual man,I am promiscuous and unhygienic.I am also a closet flamer who only pretends to be masculine when it suits him.Well I have some news for these self loathing queens,f**k you!!!!
Do you really believe that because we are also attracted to other men we must automatically flame to high heaven like some of you do?I'm sorry but I am not going to apologize for being "masculine" as this is who I have been my entire life and will not change it for anybody.I am who I am,take it or leave it.
If you can't stand the fact that some of us also love pussy then please take your feelings of inadequacy elsewhere and deal with it.I have been in a long term relationship with a straight women for nearly two years and contrary to your promiscuous theory I do NOT fuck outside of it and never have.That's pretty much the way I roll when I'm in a relationship as I tend to take them quite seriously.My girlfriend is also fully aware of my sexuality and has no qualms with it.
Sure I am also attracted to other men and have had sexual liaisons with them in the past but it doesn't mean that I have an insatiable appetite for cock and therefore must behave like a whore in order to satisfy my hunger 24/7.Some of us can keep it in our pants you know.
Also this thing about hygiene I'll have you know that I have never engaged in any sexual acts without a condom and do insist on undergoing testing when I'm in a relationship.Yeah we even wait for the window period to retest again before we actually start having sex.
I've had it with the numerous attacks on bisexual men coming from within the gay community so I'll just leave it right here.
Just because you suck some dick,it doesn't make you queer.
Have you ever had a relationship with a man, r22, or just "liaisons"?
In my experiece,Anon But Anal is one of the more bitter guys here.He must be enjoying his life...
R22, what did your mom say when you told her you were bi?
How did your co-workers react when they found out?
Did your neighbors treat you differently when your boyfriend moved in?
Exactly. I'm so sick of "bi" people claiming victimhood when nearly every single one is just another kind of closet-case playing straight when it suits them.
Do I believe you can like cock and pussy? Yes, I do, and I can see how that can be a complicated orientation. But don't come to a gay website and claim victimhood when you spend 99% of your life reaping hetero privilege and 0% fighting for equal rights or visibility.
It has always been just sex when it comes to men.Whilst I've had offers to pursue a romantic relationship,I turned it down because I find it near impossible to reciprocate such feelings.
Whereas with women on other hand,it is something that comes so easily to me that I don't even need to think twice about it.I'm not going to deny that I love women and everything that they have to offer.
So dudes are like a sexual fetish to you. And this makes you special how?
You sound pretty typical from what I've seen/heard, r27. Women are for real relationships with you guys, and men are for fucking only.
Gays are so judgemental.
OP tell your mother "You're right. I'm bisexual. I like men and boys."
If you're so (mostly) straight, asshole at R22 and R27, what the fuck are you doing posting on what at least theoretically is a gay website?
Your interest in cunt makes you utterly uninteresting to me, and I could not care less if you go boo-hooing into cyberspace over a bunch of "closet flamers" not liking you. Because I don't like you, in spite of your purported "masculinity." IMO, you're as much of a cunt as the null space between your girlfriend's legs.
Now go the fuck somewhere else where your whining will mean something. Je ne give a shit pas if you live or die, but don't do it here.
R15 = Joseph Sciambra
[quote]Gays are so judgemental.
And straight people aren't? Your statement is homophobic to the core.
R34, that's some seriously fucked up shit. Thanks for the heads up.
When a friend came out to his mother, she said she hoped he'd find someone handsomer than her daughter's husband.
R25/r31 it's more interesting to note that after you claim I'm bitter, you come back to say gay men are bitchy.
No bitterness here, just a forthright refusal to accept people coming here and denigrating gay men. It actually proves my point about the character flaws and 'issues' some guys who want cock but love the closet can have. It's like some of them are stuck in the struggle about accepting their identity, and abusing gays props up their fake image.
Like r22, describing gay men as 'flamers' and boasting he doesn't have to be that, like his alternative is somehow better. It ain't! And nobody said you were promiscuous, just that bi guys can run back into passing for straight after their cock adventures, then act all superior. And guess what ? You have sex with guts, but relationships with women.... then you call gay men queens and flamers, and imply we're whores (your word) who can't keep it in their pants.
You reek of your assumed superiority, but you've got nothing, you admit you run away from guys who want more than a fuck, then call us whores. You make my point for me.
I like Anon but anal. He is Honest but honorable.
[quote]Whereas with women on other hand,it is something that comes so easily to me that I don't even need to think twice about it.I'm not going to deny that I love women and everything that they have to offer.
Bitch please. Most of the bisexual dudes here have already stated what r29 said. You take up with women because that is an easier life. Yeah, you love vagina. You also like it because its convenient for a number of purposes, and you might get some children out of deal. Please don't deny that. You better bet that when these women get fat or old, bi dudes will be getting fucked by men until its appropriate for them to find another vagina, or they get tired of dealing with gay men. And some of you like fem bottom guys, you just pretend you are fucking vagina when you have sex with them. Most fem dudes really get off on that, that is why the sex usually ends up being explosive.
And Im saying all of this as a guy who likes vagina sometimes, but chooses not have relationships with women. I get sick of bi dudes in relationships with women just because of all the things they hate about gay men. You talk about your wives or girlfriends like cum receptacles to provide pleasure for you. You worship yourselves for abstaining from sex with men. And then the man you decide to fuck is supposed be lucky because he is the one privileged enough to have your discriminating dick? That is so fucked up. Being able to "keep it in your pants" is not something that makes you a great person. That is something humans usually do when they truly love someone, and you shouldn't want attention for that.
I prefer relationships with women, sex with dudes. I am not into relationships with dudes.
R42 If this isn't the "Things Only Assholes Say," thread, let me be the first to tell you you're an asshole.
I am a gay man who is in his early 30's and keeps getting mistaken for being straight by straight women so how would you explain my outward appearance and behavior?
The truth is that sometimes identity and sexuality may not necessarily go hand in hand.There are even straight cross dressing men and feminine straight men too.
I have bisexual male friends and wholeheartedly accept them for who they are.I don't feel threatened by them being attracted to women either but this could also be due to me being comfortable with my own sexuality and refusing to adopt misogynistic attitudes.Some of you should consider trying it too.
I am ashamed to be a part of a community which proclaims that they want to be treated equally yet still continue to discriminate others in direct contradiction.With that kind of behavior and as much as some of you would like to continue denying it,we are our own worst enemy when it comes to advancing causes for the LGBT community.
Attack me all you want but it still won't change the truth.
Gay guys are gross
I believe the Kinsey model of sexual orientation (a scale of 0-6, straight to homosexual, with bisexual in between.) I believe that, theoretically, the vast majority of people are between these two extremes, so technically bisexual, though they have a clear preference for one or the other.
This does NOT mean that they desire, or even consider, sex with the other gender. Just that it is theoretically possible. Those who land toward the middle (3.0) on the scale are more likely to be bisexual, though other factors come into play.
Years ago, I worked on a gay hotline, where a large percentage of the calls were from guys who considered themselves bisexual, even though their clear preference was other men. They didn't understand that a gay man can still be friends with a woman, and even appreciate one's beauty to some extent.
Some would ask about my past experiences, and I'd admit that I have had sexual relationships with women in my past, but consider myself to be gay. That would trigger an argument that I "must" be bisexual, since I have had sex with both genders. I point out that I have also ridden a horse, but that doesn't make me a cowboy. :)
"I'm listening ..."
If you're sexually attracted to women and to men, you're bisexual. It doesn't matter which gender you prefer.
Blah blah blah R48. In the real world bisexual refers to preference not orientation, and is only applicable to a few people.
R15, show me the sign that says "DataLounge: Get your fix of neurotic fence sitters unloading their sad and terrible baggage."
R2 was drunk when he posted all that shit.
I know, I've been known to hit the sauce now and again.
Gay men are girly
Gay4pay porn is so fucking hot! Gay porn not so much. I love watching gay for pay guys sucking each others' dicks.
R22 Dear man, you are the queerest queer who ever queered his way into the DL.
Almost every single DL thread that has some reference to bisexuality inevitably turns into a bi bashing fest. I'm always baffled at how biphobic gay men have still not realized that what they are doing to us is exactly what crazy Christian radicals have been doing to them all along. If that does not qualify as reverse discrimination then I don't know what is.
I don't blame previous posters for reacting the way they have. Just look at the biphobic remarks being tossed around here. It is almost as if we bi men are one big joke who should be gagged because a few DL biphobic posters are now the sole leading authority on human sexuality. If gay men were on the receiving end of such hate there is no way that they would allow a thread that seeks to invalidate who they are. You do not have the right to denounce bisexual & transgendered individuals without ever having walked a mile in our shoes. Just like I can’t pass judgment on those who identify otherwise because I don’t know what it is to be them.
Ever recall how homophobes said that being gay is just a phase that you will soon outgrow & you will eventually like women? Or that gays cannot be trusted? It is laughable yet remarkable just how strikingly similar the comparisons are when you consider the constant negative reception that we bi men have received from both the homosexual & hetero communities. How can we also forget that biphobes use generalizations & stereotypes in their bid to further increase our already marginalized status. One just has to take a look at previous posts which have associated bisexual men with being promiscuous unclean closet cases who pass for straight whenever they feel like. Now do we really have to gloss over the numerous mostly false stereotypes associated with gays & lesbians which to an extent mirror those labels assigned to bisexuals [insert here]?
Did it ever occur to you that just like you don’t have a choice with whom you fall in love with & find sexually attractive neither do we? I have been aware of my bisexual tendencies since the day I pretty much discovered my sexuality. I had all kinds of relationships with both women & men. I eventually met & fell in love with my then future wife on the eve of my 29th birthday & we have been together for 16 years in total; married for 10. We are also parents to 3 amazing beautiful children who have shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. My wife who is straight has been privy to my sexuality way before we even contemplated the thought of walking down the aisle all those years ago. She was more open to accepting & loving me for who I really was as a person than what I’d expected. I used to run a bi support group up until a few years ago & she used to attend & occasionally facilitate meetings just to support me. Bisexual men are very much capable of being in loving committed monogamous relationships & my marriage is one such example of this.
The idea of bi men having sex with women always strikes a nerve with the biphobic misogynists. I recall being asked by an intrigued non judgmental male lover about the kind of sexual positions I used w/ women. He’d assumed that strap ons, role play , gay porn & anything else that resembles being with a man must be a fixture. He was shocked yet accepting to find that I enjoyed vaginal oral sex & intercourse w/ women & still received similar levels of intense sexual gratification. Whoever said that bi men kid themselves into imagining that they are fucking a man during those times they are with a woman just adds to the already long list of what else they don’t understand about bisexuality as well as some intense psychological issues with the fairer sex.
I am all for equal rights as everyone should be entitled to live & love any way that they choose. At the same time us bisexuals & transgendered individuals are fighting a constant uphill battle in the face of being bombarded with repeated reverse prejudice from the gay & lesbian community. I’d attended pride events in the past & know a few other bisexuals who still do. Any sight of our bi pride flag is still met with ambivalence by some people. But that’s just one part of it because we then find ourselves being discriminated against by the heterosexual population. I disclosed my sexuality to my closest family & friends long ago but still acceptance & tolerance is undoubtedly in the lower ranges if you are bisexual. If you are with a man then you are most definitely gay and if you are with a woman you are living behind a façade as a straight man. No one knows how it feels to feel like there is something deeply wrong with you when you find yourself being sexually attracted to people of both genders & then made to feel like a total outcast by most people you thought would actually stand by you because you are meant to share similar struggles. After all the “G” in LGBT is not there to occupy space for nothing.
R2 , R15, R16, FEWER issues, not LESS issues. What difference does it make? Well, I can't take the arguments of the undereducated as seriously.
You bisexual twats need to shut your damn mouths. You're a bunch of hypocrites saying ANYTHING about "biphobia" from gay men, when you sick fucks are the ones who always go on about that pervert alfred kinsey and telling gays and lesbians that if they try the other sex, they'll love it.
NEWS FLASH: WE'VE ALREADY TRIED IT IN OUR TEENS. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO LIKE IT LATER?
bisexual erasure doesn't exist. biphobia doesn't exist. Gays and lesbians don't have the power to "oppress" you. But you creeps tell us if we just try it we'll "LOVE IT." Bullshit! You're reducing our years of adolescent trauma into a sick fetish for you to jack off to. Science can prove WE exist by looking at brain differences, but you cunts are biologically nonexistent.
And @ R57 - let's not pretend you bisexual creeps give a damn about gay rights, because you only care about having wives and banging dudes on the side. The only thing you freaks fight for is acknowledgement, because people saying you don't exist is just as bad as gay teens getting lynched in iraq.
r57, how do you manage having sex with other men? Does your wife get involved or does she prefer not to?
Look at Hissssss Jr. at R59!
To get back the OP (who doesn't claim to actually be bisexual)
Tell your mom that you know you're gay because you actually understand her and all her friends - which you certainly wouldn't if you were straight.
Que sera, sera...
OP's Mother is Doris Day!!!!
She should understand perfectly.
r59 ran off all the bi dudes
your mom feels better by saying you're bi. it gives her hope that you might one day "grow out of your phase" and have a child to carry on the family name. Dear Mom, your son is gay. Accept it.
ATTENTION ALL LADIES, FAG HAGS, BISEXUALS AND BICURIOUS FEMALES: If a man tells you he's bisexual, he's GAY. What you must understand is that gay men will not "change their minds" and even those who are BI still have a preference to one gender over the other. Men are very promiscuous so when they tell you they are bi, they are fucking lots of people and you probably don't want to get involved, as they tend to contract lots of Venereal Diseases and HIV runs rampant. Not hating, just stating the reality. BI = gay. Don't say noone ever told you.
Total bullshit, r67, I'm not bi but I was just reading the bi forum (I think it was link from DL) and I find it really interesting. I find it fascinating in a way, honestly, their sexuality seems completely foreign to me. Listening to them talk about 'discovering' a same-sex attraction well into adulthood or how their attraction for men/women can change yearly, monthly or even daily. They make it very clear that straight/gay (or as they refer to us 'monosexuals') can never truly understand their experiences, and judging from the forum they are absolutely right, I don't get it, it's completely outside my realm of experience.
Just to be clear, that doesn't make it bad or wrong or any thing like that, but I'm honest enough to say that it does put me off ever getting into a relationship with a bi man. I'm just too linear and 'black/white' a thinker for it to work. Oh, but the reason I called bullshit on your post r67 is because on the forum it's clear that the vast majority of the bi guys prefer women. Indeed many of them speak of their attraction to men in purely sexual terms, almost like a fetish.
r67, r68 I might be going out on a limb here, but the truly bisexual guys Ive known were very physically attractive. My theory is that bisexual men are just very attractive people who also happen to be hyper-sexual. They use all the attention they get from both males and females to satisfy the hyper-sexuality.
People in Brazil don't even think twice about bisexuality, and it's a no brainer why they don't. They are considered some of the best looking people in world, so it makes sense that bisexuality is common there. Not saying that being hot goes hand in hand with being bi, but when you have more attractive people in one place, the chances that more of them are acting on their sexual compulsiveness is greater.