Together 15 years. And worst part is I still love him but, realize that I have to end this relationship. Some background....I knew when we met that he had had an issue with drugs previously but, had been clean over 5 years. For a while I even attended NA meetings with him,,,at his invitation. All was fine until about three years ago when there was an incident at his job. He was accused of something he did not do and it was something that could have been a career ender. The charges were eventually found to be baseless but, it sent him into a downward spiral and he started using again. Counseling and everything seemed fine for a year or so. And then, he lapsed. It has been start & stop for the last three years. Sometimes three or six months will go by and then boom...he falters. I am at the end of my rope. Logically, I know that it has nothing to do with me. Emotionally, each lapse is a betrayal. I KNOW I need to end this relationship but, there are many mitigating factors. The biggest is financial. Our home, like many others, is under water. We both would come out in debt if we were to sell...assuming we could even do so. The house is set up in such a way that I could easily move to another area leaving him to occupy the rest. We would barely have to see one another. One of us works night, the other days so it would be easy. I am not in a position financially to leave, even to get a crappy apartment. But, how do I divorce myself emotionally? 90% of the time he is the greatest, sweetest, most generous man. And then there comes the drug use and the disappearing for almost a day. The last time he fell I told him I was going to remove myself by moving within the house. He told me he didn't really want that even though he understood how I felt. I thought that we talked it out enough to make an impact. But,it has happened again. I know what I need to do and do have the anger and the strength (right now) to do it. But, how do you watch someone self destruct and just stand by. I get so stressed out each time that I don't sleep, or eat , can barely function at work. Sorry for the length. Just am at a total loss.
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