Would you be in a relationship with someone who was only into oral?
I'm a gay guy in my early 20s who is not really into anal sex. I've tried bottoming a few times (around 5 times) but it just doesn't feel pleasurable. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, but it didn't turn me on. I've tried extensively with anal toys, aneros, dildos, vibrators, etc, and I can take them in my ass, but I just don't feel pleasure from it - I also haven't been able to find my prostate no matter how much I probe around down there. I've jacked off with a toy in my ass before, but the orgasm wasn't any better then when I jack off.
I WANT to be a bottom though, because I think I have kinda a "bottom mentality" (I know this sounds kinda ridiculous). I like bigger dominant guys, and watching power bottoms in porn turns me on because I really want to be like them. Which is why being a top doesn't really interest me.
On the flipside, I LOVE giving oral sex, and am quite good at it too.
Questions for you all: Would you guys be with someone who was only into oral (but really good oral)? How can I find my prostate, or enjoy bottoming? Any other guys in the same situation? Thanks.
OP, here's a big secret: most gay men do not have anal sex all that often, particularly with hookups or men they've just started dating.
When I realized this for the first time I was pretty surprised, but it's true.
There is a significant minority for whom this is not true, but for the majority of gay men, anal sex is not common unless you're in a longer term relationship.
Are there nude photos of OP?
Honestly what R1 said is true for me. I rarely engage in anal on hook ups, and when I start start dating someone we are usually fooling around for a while before we start having anal sex.
Personally, if I really liked it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker for me as someone who prefers to top.
There real problem tends to be the reverse, there are a lot of bottoms who are in love with getting fucked who just can't go without it.
But back to your experience with anal play, are you using lube? A shit ton of lube? That can make a huge difference. That and the easier said than done mantra of really try to get yourself to relax.
No, OP, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a no-anal rule.
A date, a hook-up, a fuck-buddy - yes - but not a relationship.
Yes, I would love it, as long as rimming and butt play were still options. I love both and toys, but I find most positions for fucking awkward and uncomfortable, and the prep work more trouble than its worth. Yes, I've topped and bottomed (and continue to, with partners who want it) but I'd be perfectly happy with just oral. I love giving and receiving.
Thanks for the honest replies!
[quote] most gay men do not have anal sex all that often, particularly with hookups or men they've just started dating.
That's good to know, it seems like everybody is fucking.
[quote] are you using lube? A shit ton of lube? That can make a huge difference. That and the easier said than done mantra of really try to get yourself to relax.
I am using a lot of lube! I've tried both water based and silicone based. Maybe it's the type of toys I'm using? I've recently discovered the joys of Albolene for jacking off (BEST LUBE EVERRR), and I'll try that next.
I'll try to relax more too. Usually have a few shots to help me going. I guess my biggest concern when bottoming is whether I'm clean enough back there, because I would be embarrassed if he pulled out and the condom was dirty (because it's happened to me when I've topped and was not a turn on).
[quote] No, OP, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a no-anal rule. A date, a hook-up, a fuck-buddy - yes - but not a relationship.
Thanks for your honesty. Would you be willing to work with a guy who has little anal experience (help him take it slow, etc)? Or would you only be in a relationship with someone who was anally experienced?
[quote] Yes, I would love it, as long as rimming and butt play were still options. I love both and toys, but I find most positions for fucking awkward and uncomfortable, and the prep work more trouble than its worth.
I love rimming! I also think the prep work is annoying too (I prefer to douche beforehand because I like to be clean for the top or for myself when I use toys). You have to douche a considerable amount of time before the actual deed, or you end up with unexpected water farts lol.
I would give you a go. Then we could discuss your future as a cocksucker
I'm a big ol' homo and my last relationship was for over five years, we never did anal.
[quote]Would you be willing to work with a guy who has little anal experience (help him take it slow, etc)?
Yes. In fact, it's kind of hot so cheer up. I'm not the only "let me teach you, baby" perv around.
I was in a 10 year relationship with a guy who didn't like anal sex, and so instead we did oral all the time. It was safe, fun, sexy, and I didn't miss intercourse.
R1 is correct -- there isn't nearly as much anal sex as you think.
i don't enjoy being fucked or fucking someone. if i'm in a relationship with a bottom, they need to know that all they'll get is a dildo or a finger. gays come in all flavors, OP. don't sweat it.
OP, try this on for size:
You say you dont find anal unpleasant, it just doesnt do anything for you. But you love giving oral. Obviously you find giving oral pleasurable. What is it exactly that you like about giving oral? How do you feel when you are sucking dick? Now, can you apply that to anal? You might be able to because it seems you are not so much into the act as you are into what the act symbolizes for you.
A few other things. You're young, you have a lot of time to figure out what pushes your buttons. And keep in mind, what buttons you like pushed now may not be the same buttons you like pushed in ten or five or even one year from now. Also, while getting fucked and using toys currently rates a great big meh, if youre lucky enough to be getting fucked by someone who you really really love, ....well thats a whole different story. Lastly, for someone your age, you seem to have a very healthy and well rounded attitude about sex and exploring that part of yourself. That alone is enough for this bigger dominate guy to say I would give it a try with you.
Oh I forgot to add:
[quote]watching power bottoms in porn turns me on because I really want to be like them.
Pornos are not reality. They are great for getting ideas, but dont let them be the only thing you base what your sex should be like. I know so many guys who have great, active sex lives but still feel unsatisfied because it doesnt match what they see in a porno. Youre never going to get what happens in a porno. And that actually could be a good thing.
[quote]Would you be in a relationship with someone who was only into oral?
Yes, oral only. No anal for me giving or receiving. Don't care about it, don't want it.
Yes, I would. I'm not fond of anal. As long as I can at least rim you, then I'm happy.
R12 = Dr. Ruth
Depends on how much money you have.
R12 made me a bit hard.
[quote] but for the majority of gay men, anal sex is not common unless you're in a longer term relationship.
OK, so many dates before you reach "fourth base"?
Yeah, definitely. Anal is overrated.
This should have been a poll.
I'd have no problem with it.
No. I tried it - once. Really hot, sweet guy who was crazy about me. But me touching his butt was not even a turn off but boring for him. Lt alone him touching mine. I had to call it off. I need more edge in my sex life. Not ALL the time, but definitely Some of the time.
Are you single now, R24?
I hate anal. So we would make a good pair, OP.
[quote]OP, here's a big secret: most gay men do not have anal sex all that often, particularly with hookups or men they've just started dating.
So not true. It's the number one thing for a lot of people. That kind of coupling when you're emotionally involved with someone is so intensely satisfying.
I was a top. I met another top. Neither of us would change. So we kind of did frottage and other things. You're young baby. You don't have a thing to worry about.
Nope. If we're going to be boyfriends, I need to be able to fuck your ass.
love the doo doo sex...on a hook up, date or LTR, it's all about the brown
Anyone who has tried as hard as you have deserves a chance. I would try very, very hard to get you there, but if we just couldn't find it, that would be okay too. You sound loveable.
The anus is a wonderful, moist, warm and inviting destination
It is a myth by straight people that gays are about anal only. They never consider anything else beyond intercourse.
The anal sex act must be the root cause of homophobia, straights are disgusted by it. I've saw comments by supposedly non-homophobic people like "I think [gay anal sex] is disgusting as well but they're not harming anyone" and stuff like "how can a man fuck another man in the place he shits from". Really hateful stuff.
Then you see those horrible explicit Westboro anti-gay signs with the stick figures having anal. It's always reduced to the basest animal terms.
Yes, OP. I'm only 19 never hooked up but I'd be with someone who's only into oral.
In my experience there is much more anal than you think. I have never been with a guy who did not want to get fucked, even when he said oral only.
"Then you see those horrible explicit Westboro anti-gay signs with the stick figures having anal."
I'm just grateful that Westboro's gay symbol is not a gerbil climbing out of a guy's ass.
Sure. Many if not most couples stop having sex in a relationship anyway.
Absolutely. I prefer oral (giving & receiving). Anal has its place but it can be a real pain in the ass, no pun intended. Best saved for special occasions only.
"It is a myth by straight people that gays are about anal only. They never consider anything else beyond intercourse"
That's because homosexuals want to "imitate" heterosexuals. Receiving anal sex is a straight man's greatest fear.
On the other hand, most of you gay guys see lesbians exactly the way straights stereotype gay men -- strap-ons and all of that bullshit. You delight in imagining lesbians want to imitate straight procreative sex. Not true in the least.
R32 "how can a man fuck another man in the place he shits from". Really hateful stuff.
That sounds like a understandable comment from an unaccepting person. I wouldn't call it "hateful."
Straight men are just as obsessed with anal sex as gay men.
I'm 22 and would love to be with someone who only does oral. I've only done anal a few times (both positions), and it's such a hassle for me. I would do it for someone I loved, but it would be great if I had someone who didn't like it.
Close Encounters of the Brown Kind were much less common 35-40 years ago. I don't know why, maybe the mess. But now that boys are SO much more fastidious back there, that is almost never a problem.
In an 11 year gay male relationship. Very good sex life, but no anal. Oral, frottage, massage, rimming, edging are great... but anal is too much hassle, potentially messy, and not that hot for either of us.
I agree with the poster who said most straights think "gay" then immediately think "anal sex." Because the ultimate act of most of their lovemaking is focused on penetration, they expect that the ultimate act of most gay lovemaking is also penetration.
And because stupid straight guys wince at the thought of a dick up their ass, they are uncomfortable with us. Most straight men secretly think - despite how unattactive they might be - that every gay in the world wants to put a dick up their butts.
It's no secret - look in any gay article's comments section on a mainstream website. Almost every comment relates to their personal distaste for anal sex.
That said, and my personal preferences aside, I don't see anything wrong with anal sex between any gendered consenting adults, and have topped and bottomed myself enough to know what I like.
Maybe there should be a poll?
I would like to see how many DLers feel about this.
If you like doing oral, most guys like getting it and especially straight guys but that is a one sided relationship since they are not going to fall in love with you and you might with one of them.
As for your main question, yes. You sound like a real catch to me and more than half of gay men do not even do anal but it's stereotypical that straight people think that way about gay males and there are true bottoms or tops out there but oral is the main thing for gay male or female and often big part in heterosexual sex but women have a gag reflex more than men thus; gay males usually perform oral the best and many straight guys know that and is why one out of every ten married men hook up for that with same sex per data out this year and is where the 10% gay comes from since gay and bi combine is higher % than pure heterosexual orientation but gay type sex does NOT mean a person is gay. A gay male can have hetero sex but he is still gay too so orientation is set fourth month pregnancy and is natural and unchangeable according to Evolution and there is good reasons for there to be gay and straight people back to caveman days.
If I were single, I'd love to meet you if you were looking for lasting love and good sex. You will find the right person in time when least expecting it.
Hey guys! I'm new here so I didn't know you could put a poll, but here it is! Please move the thread and future replies there. I also am going to reply to some of the points on the new thread.
[quote]You sound like a real catch to me and more than half of gay men do not even do anal but it's stereotypical that straight people think that way about gay males and there are true bottoms or tops out there but oral is the main thing for gay male or female and often big part in heterosexual sex but women have a gag reflex more than men thus; gay males usually perform oral the best and many straight guys know that and is why one out of every ten married men hook up for that with same sex per data out this year and is where the 10% gay comes from since gay and bi combine is higher % than pure heterosexual orientation but gay type sex does NOT mean a person is gay.
I ran out of breath just trying to read that sentence.
Absolutely. My partner and I discovered we were both tops but loved oral. We've been together 17 years. No anal but amazing oral and cuddling.
Anal sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I love to fuck. I would drop an oral only guy like a hot potato.
Given the many married people of all sexual orientations who rarely if ever have sex, this questions should be put in relatively non-consequential appropriate perspective.
Usually, its occupationally single people who, not realizing what being in a long-term relationship is like for many, ask such questions.