What are the "red flags" that tell you a guy is probably a 'mo?
For me, it's a guy who surrounds himself with cute guys. He has hot friends, and will gravitate towards the cutest guys in any room he's in.
You catch him checking out your crotch.
Definitely the best way to tell is by studying someone's eyes. Do they study the attractive guys around? Do they study the attractive girls around?
Whether or not they have attractive friends is not any real indicator at all IMO. But guys are always looking. Just gotta determine what they are looking at.
All the leaves are brown.
(All the leaves are brown.)
And the guy is gay.
(And the guy is gay.)
He went for a suck.
(He went for a suck.)
On a winter's day.
(On a winter's day.)
He'd be safe and warm.
(He'd be safe and warm.)
If he sucked in LA.
(If he sucked in LA.)
California Suck-in, on a winter's day.
All guys tend to notice the groin R1, you can be completely straight, but every dude is kinda obsessed with penis in a way. It's the same reason big dick porn stars are still really popular in straight porn.
[quote]For me, it's a guy who surrounds himself with cute guys. He has hot friends, and will gravitate towards the cutest guys in any room he's in.
That's not an indication. That's an announcement.
if you have decided who the cutest guy is in the room, pretty much sure you are gay too there nancy boy.
why do you need to tell if a guy is gay anyway?
Ask him the name of his cat. If he says Contessa Uma Nibbles Twinkleone (CUNT), he's a 'mo. If he says Meatloaf, he's a bro.
Pinched face, squinty eyes, tweezed eyebrows, foundation makeup or fake tan.
Shirley Bassey records.
Marries a bulldyke softball player
What R2 said... Thread closed !!
[quote]Ask him the name of his cat. If he says Contessa Uma Nibbles Twinkleone (CUNT), he's a 'mo. If he says Meatloaf, he's a bro.
Do single straight guys even own cats?
Freshly baked cookies!!
Doesn't use a diminutive name: James (not Jim), Charles (not Chuck), etc.
okay I will entertain this - it's easy
the shadiest bitch in the room is the gay one.
We don't have to be shady just fierce
For me it's a guy who likes to have sex with men, regardless of how they identify or if they're married to a woman.
R17 must be the life of the party.
It's the VOICE and use of good grammar. You can always tell that way.
Well, if he's into the layered look that always is a fair indicator as well.
W&W for R7. Hysterical!
R14 Usually true, but I knew a Mike and a Dave who were [italic]not[/italic] going to be called Michael or David.
They might have thought of themselves as bras if they were young today.
JFC did the OP COME OUT YESTERDAY??
When he sneezes cum flies out.
In all honesty, I believe it is getting more and more difficult to differentiate. I'm in my 50's and have been out my entire adult life and used to think I had pretty good gaydar. But many straight guys today are very different from when I was younger...more sensitive, more empathetic, not as afraid to admit they're not into the stereotypical "guy" stuff. As a for instance: When "Sex In The City" was on HBO, I was really surprised at how many of the guys in the overwhelmingly straight engineering department I work in seemed to watch and enjoy that show. They'd actually be standing around in small groups laughing about something or other that happened on the show the night before.
Many straight guys seem a lot more image-conscious than they used to be...i.e., more trendy in the way they dress, wear their hair, etc. Also, more of them have somewhat gentle mannerisms (not necessarily femme, but just more gentle...hard to explain). I've been surprised more than a few times over the past several years.
R26--You describe the freedom that the gay rights movement has brought to straight men.
Wife runs the marriage
Longer than normal looks at another guy
Close talker with another guy
Touchy with another guy
Too casual about being naked around buddies
Frequently talks about gays and gay issues.
The number one.....riding a fat cock.
If I'm checking-out a guy on the subway, I watch to see if he looks at men or women getting on.
Swings arms when walking.
r22, Mike and Dave's was a bar on Lawrence Street in Brooklyn where telephone company guys drank their lunches.
An arrow on his t-short pointing downward, with the legend "MY ASSHOLE IS READY AND OPEN FOR BUSINESS!" emblazoned above it.
I WILL say though that straight men are more likely when encountering a naked man in the locker room to look at the penis, gay men at his pecs, hairiness, eyes, or whatever strikes them. I suppose that the gay man has checked out the penis even before the straight man has, so moves on to other parts.
the guy who gets the "internet inches" joke.
If he likes other guys.
Always a dead giveaway.
Even when the cock is in my mouth I can't be sure.
If he says hi.
When a guy is 50 and still never been married or even engaged.
R38, I wonder if that is really a sign in most men 50 and over who have never been married or engaged or never lived with a woman.
Some hetero men have zero luck with women and can rarely get a date or just give up trying, don't you think?
I'm talking about good looking wealthy men. Straight men usually like to wake up with a woman in their bed.
1. Walking with his arms folded across his chest, or walking with his books clutched to his chest.
2. Dancing while making hand gestures above the level of his shoulders.
If he's a hot movie star.
If he wears a pink shirt & turquoise belt.
Republican member of Congress
If he's very good looking, yet hasn't had a girlfriend in years and doesn't even date because he says he's "too busy". NOBODY is too busy that they can't find the time for an occasional date.
He's feminine and speaks with a lisp and a valley girl accent
He's invited on a televised double date and brings a college student whom he just met.
If a guy is too well-dressed, especially if he's wearing different patterns or colors that no straight man could match on his own. That's always a dead giveaway. Straight guys aren't stylish enough to match tricky patterns or colors. You also don't see a lot of straight guys wearing brown shoes with blue or gray suits.
He accessorizes. He wears speedos at the beach (in the US). He owns Madonna/Lady Gaga CDs or mp3s or attends their concerts.
The end result was a very different animal than the books. My roommate tried watching the film with me one night and quit during "A Spoonful of Sugar," saying it was too treacly.
In the book, we get a slight hint that Mary Poppins is some pagan earth goddess... it's all very strange. It's during a scene with a bunch of animals celebrating her birthday.
I can read a face in second.
I can tell you if someone is from the South.
I can tell you if someone is Gay.
Most gay men have very expressive faces
Other than the face, do the fingernail test. As a guy to look at his nails. The way he looks at his nails is a dead giveaway.
If you hold your hand in front of you fingers spread = gay
If you bend your fingers back, like you're making a fist - not gay or a total top.
Wrong thread, r51!
If a hot attractive chick passes by and he doesn't even turn or notice or seem to care.
r52 [quote]If you hold your hand in front of you fingers spread = gay
If you bend your fingers back, like you're making a fist - not gay or a total top.
What do you mean?
Simply say: Madonna's over.
If they stare at you blankly, straight. If they have any reaction otherwise, gay.
R14, YOU ARE WRONG!!!
Handsome guy married to plain woman. (The more handsome the guy, the more accurate this indicator will be.)
He has no interest in me.
true r59. I had a boss once, hot as fuck muscle daddy with a homely wife. It definitely caught my attention. He burst out of the closet at age 45.
Be aware, some straight guys let their wives/girlfriends dress them and dress well because of that. Better ask him about the clothes and if he says "I don't know" then you know somebody else is responsible.
Their vehicle tells you a lot.
I would say ask them about fixing stuff, but most straight guys today don't know anything about fixing stuff or using tools. It is a dying skill.
This one I've noticed: When he checks for something on the bottom of his shoe, a straight guy bends his leg outward with the foot inward, while a gay guy usually bends it back (as if to stretch it) and checks the sole.
The checking out of other guys is the obvious giveaway.
Worked with a guy off and on since our twink years. We started out in the same lab. Always got a gay vibe from him, but thought it was just wishful thinking. I was out and he was a cock tease with me.
He became an equipment salesman who always traveled. I'd see him every other year at conferences and watched him become a very pretty, handsome, built, married man over the next 25 years. Wife was a total frump. He's openly a Repug. And I mean Big Time. Hosts fundraisers, is on various party committees, etc..
A few years ago I bought an expensive medical instrument from him. When he came in to set it up and train for a week, I did an experiment. Had a series of buff hot guys and gals come into the area where the machine was set up. They were all in on it.
He checked out ALL of the dudes and was charming to the women, never gave the women the constant up and down looks. One of my male (straight) employees -- with perfect bubble butt and pecs said that from the corner of his eye, he felt eye-raped. (Of course, I asked him if he enjoyed it).
On his last day, a Friday, the salesman took me out for dinner and a lot of drinks. Ended up telling him the "results" of my "experiment". He turned beet red and almost started to cry, but was also angry/defensive. I just assured him that his "secret is safe with me" -- as long as he doesn't run for political office for the Enemy Party.
After a long pause, he said "is it really that obvious?". I felt horrible about myself, and sudden empathy-pity for him. Finally got to hear his life story until 1am. Non-active Mormon, divorced, only one kid, failed his parents, lots of hook-ups from Craigslist and now Grindr, all on the road. Fell for a hot guy who couldn't handle his closetedness. Remarried.
I think he's a Repug because he's a rich white male racist.
He hadn't been to a gay bar since before he married his first wife, pre-AIDS. We're in our 50's now. Had his driver take us to bars in The Castro. The beaming look of freedom on his face was priceless. He had the driver take me home to my partner who was waiting for me with barf bags. On Monday, I never said a word to my coworkers and employees, who all wanted to know about my "dinner date" with "Mr. Closetstud".
Sorry to have gone on, but in the age of metrosexuality, it's proof to me that the only way to know is to watch where the guy's eyes go.
Things like how a guy is dressed are so old school stereotypes, plenty of straight men are into looking good and plenty of gay men are schlubs.
Vocally despises guys with strong feminine personalities and characteristics.
I got 'caught' at work by a coworker that way, R64. This kid (who I NEVER in a million years would have ever guessed was gay) brazenly approached me in the parking garage after work and asked if I wanted to go to his place and fool around one day. The entire thing shocked me so I just nervously laughed at him, asking, "How do you know I'm into guys?" That's when he told me that earlier in the day two really hot guys had walked by (we were working at a casino at the time) and when my he looked over at me, I was fixated on them. I couldn't believe he'd caught me...I truly thought I was more stealth than that. And for the record we did not go back to his place to have sex. From that day forward he actually avoided me like the plague--he wouldn't even make eye contact with me! It was really odd.
Hot guy/fugly wife has usually been a good indicator for me...I'm not talking about guys married to formerly hot chicks who lost their looks over time, but men married to women who were never attractive to begin with. One day a male coworker announced that he was engaged (we didn't even know he was seeing anyone) and showed us a picture of his fiancee...she must have outweighed him by 100 pounds or so. They were divorced after less than a year of marriage and he is now out of the closet.
[quote] Marries a bulldyke softball player
R10, just curious. Are you the one who expressed this sentiment in another thread, one that involved a straight man who was an older man's object of desire?
R68, that's not always a good indicator. My brother's girlfriend is practically obese and he's a twig, around 137 lbs. He also has friends who are thin and their wives are overweight. I've seen pix of them in their youth and they were always chubby or fat.
If he acts like George Hamilton.
All gay men are named Mark Rick or Steve and all gay men have track lighting.
If a guy likes to suck cock and have his ass fucked, I would think it's a pretty good indicator that he's gay.
I kind of thought that too, R73.
As soon as another guy asks if you have a girlfriend he wants to suck you dick.
What if he's just not into YOU?
Maybe he's a marathon sausage sucker, but he just doesn't find you...attractive...enough for him.
if he doesn't hate lesbians he is a masculine gay
If he's doing weights at the gym on Friday night, he's very likely to be gay or closeted gay.
And R52, that's interesting, what are the facial giveaways that a guy is southern? I like southern queens. Are you one?
[quote]Vocally despises guys with strong feminine personalities and characteristics.
It's true. Most guys who like guys despise effemin-ates. After all effemin-ates aren't guys.
OP actually studies have shown that people regardless of orientation gravitate towards attractive people.
The only two gay guys I know who came put of the closet after they got married both married beautiful women. One of the wives was a model. I asked the guy who married the model how they ended up together. He said in hindsight he always seemed to chose girls who were tall and very thin and who from behind, if you didn't look too carefully, could pass for a guy. A beautiful face was a lot easier to make out with than some plain Jane.
r83 I never understood the stereotype of closeted gay men going after ugly/average women. if anything it would seem they would go for the gold,since it makes being intimate with a woman less painful.
As far as homely vs. attractive wives, the explanation is simple.
closeted - pretty wife
repressed - mismatched
If you are aware enough that you're gay (i.e. you experience not just an attraction to men, but an exercised erotic manifestation - be it anything from masturbation to male images to full out sex with a guy), you will select the most attractive bride you can latch on for your closeting/bearding/religious/Republican purposes.
If you are simply oblivious to your true erotic/romantic attractions and marry because you are expected to, chances are you haven't played the field enough (since you're intrinsically not that attracted to women) to know what league of women you are able to land.
Even in the case of obscenely gorgeous men who have people throwing themselves at their feet, they do not respond naturally to these sexual advances and just end up marrying the nice, bright, funny girl who they get along with the best, regardless of looks.
This latter set-up should be the standard for every marriage, but alas, the groin gets in the way of such a perfect alliance. When you eliminate that heterosexual erotic tension (as is the case with a guy who is gay and not aware of it), then it becomes easier to hook up with a soul-mate hag, regardless of her looks.
he only time I've seen this disparity with truly heterosexual men, is when the guy is this hot jock who marries a sporty, no-heels-hair-or-make-up jock girl, due to the interests they share
That was his point exactly R84. He said "if someone held a gun to your head and asked you to make out with a woman surely you'd choose Heidi Klum over your frumpy overweight neighbor, even as a gay man"
He'd go out clubbing with his straight friends and then choose the best looking woman in the room because it increased his chances of being rejected, which deep down he was hoping would happen, yet still earn him a high five from his friends for bravery. On the other hand if it led to a date/kiss/sex, it wasn't completely nightmarish because at least she was attractive.
If he can't reel off even a few names of players on any professional sports team . . . yet he can recite Joan Crawford's complete filmography at will.
Asian women are a white male closet cases women of choice.
Look for a guy, who has a male bestie with a girlfriend. The guy spends much time with/and introduced his male bestie to the girl and he personally, pretends to like Asian women.
r88 Omg, I don't even know where to start. This coupling is very prevalent in my circle of friends. If there really is something to this then I'm going to be seeing alot of people in a new light
I have to admit I am totally confused these days. I am an elder gay by Datalounge standards. Average looking appearing younger than my age and fairly successful in my career. I work in a large office building and there are three, very cute, 30ish guys that have actively sought me out without a known reason. I don't work with them and only see them in passing in the building. They have almost been aggressive about it and I have no clue what to do. Even coworkers have asked me what was up with this. I've always had defective gaydar and the world today keeps making it worse.
R81, Feminine lesbians feel the same
I never understand why people say "i appear younger than my age.."
or "no one ever believes I am 30, 40, 50...etc"
[quote]Pretty good indicators that a guy is gay
That's easy, silly: his dick tastes like shit.
[quote] I never understand why people say "i appear younger than my age.."
Could it be that it's because you haven't taken care of yourself and your white hot with rage at your contemporaries who did?!?
he is a wrestling fan
If he wears an earring in his right ear.
I have a much younger straight friend who routinely volunteers his favorable opinion of my looks. Most recently, after I met him after work wearing a seersucker suit, we went for a post-dinner walk & as we approached a J. Crew store he said we should go over there because I - who looked so "dapper" - could model for them. Could this be a sign he's gay?
"your" = "you're"
Thank-you, R94. I go to the gym five days per week, eat right, and have very good genes from my parents. I am horrified at how so many guys my age seem to look. And I never suggested that I look decades younger.
I should add that, at dinner, I had earlier made reference to my straight friend (and yes, he's married) being impossibly handsome.
Watches figure skating.
R99, I'm about the same age of the subjects profiled in the long-running Up documentaries and, having just gone to see the latest edition, "56 Up," I thought that I looked better than most of the offspring of my celluloid contemporaries!
"OP actually studies have shown that people regardless of orientation gravitate towards attractive people."
Well, duh, many studies have shown that people are nicer to pretty people regardless of gender/orientation but being nice to someone is not the same thing as FAWNING over beautiful women the way straight guys do or lovingly admiring hunks the way gay guys do.
if he changes his hair color more often than Kellan Lutz...
If he's single and has a cat, it's a good indicator. Straight men are indifferent to or dislike cats and only have them in their home if they have a wife or live-in girlfriend.
If he's in his 30s and still fit, he's probably gay.
Once straight men get married/have kids, they really let themselves go.
He's a very private person.
If he is American and is articulate, with good grammar and proper English, he's gay. Listen to how straight American men talk. They all sound crude and low-class, no matter what socioeconomic background they come from. Even the wealthy and privleged straight men in America, such as George W. Bush and Donald Trump, sound like pikers in a waterfront bar.
He's a hairstylist.
If he lives with a hairstylist named Waldo, and they both ran out of the house naked on the night an earthquake hit L.A.
[quote]I would say ask them about fixing stuff, but most straight guys today don't know anything about fixing stuff or using tools.
Very true. Today, a big status symbol is to hire out for household labor. Landscaping, home repairs, renovations etc... This is a BIG deal now. Everybody is spoiled and thinks they are above manual labor. So if a guy doesn't mow his own lawn/ do repairs etc. it doesn't mean anything about his sexuality.
why is there another old man in here who says hes hot and a younger,straight coworker is coming on to him (multiple younger coworkers). sounds like bullshit.
Hey 110 that sounds familiar, who are you referring to?
He's just too busy with his career, to date!
He's married to his motorcycle.
If, when he happens to catch your eye, your cock is in his mouth.
R113, George Clooney... I think.
All straight men over the age of 35 secretly like Phil Collins. If you're at a pub and "in the air tonight" starts up, all the straight guys will suddenly start playing air drums during the drum solo. The guy in the corner looking around perplexed is gay.
I'm gay and I love Phil Collins.
Is your Phil Collins love an embarrassment to you? Do you play air drums along to the music despite denying your love for Phil Collins? Here lies the difference between you and the straight man r118
Turn in your card, R118.
[quote]Well, if he's into the layered look that always is a fair indicator as well.
As in layered clothing? LOL
LOL r5 !
r45 and r48 seem to be in agreement.
Super fit husband fat wife.
There is a guy at work who is 40 ish amatuer body builder. I remember the first time I saw his wife in a photo - she was very very fat..more pics he had were with guys - on vacation, hanging out all muscle guys all have tribal tattoo on the bicep. There was one where they were all shirtless by a pool and I commented that it looked like a circuit party and he just smiled. Not "what is a circuit party..." lol
How about an older wife who is somewhat 'masculine'.
[quote]Super fit husband fat wife.
Brings to mind the wives shopping in the commissary at a US Marine base.
Um yeah...when they write this about you.
"And the whispers are not quieted by the continual presence of Waldo Sanchez, a handsome and charming hairdresser who often accompanies George on his world travels."
Is George still with Waldo? I can't believe that.
Eight guys are there when you wake up from surgery. George Clooney's boys.
R59, Many handsome guys have leftover childhood insecurities, especially if they were poor, or from unstable homes, or were overweight as young kids. I've known many straights that pick a relatively plain lady that will completely and totally adore them. They don't like competition from other men.
if you want to stay happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife...
cuz she will fuck up getting good dick....
R129, George Clooney's "boys" have been his buds since he was kicked out of his Aunt Rosemary's house, before he even had an acting career. One housed him, another lent him money for his first professional pics, others got him introduced to the right people. He considers his "boys" to be his "substitute family."
Almost all of them are married with children. Grant Heslov is his producing and writing partner. Clooney believes in loyalty and maintaining friendships with those who've been with him when he had nothing, not those who view him as a "cardboard cutout" who got famous.
The three names listed in the article do not fit your "childhood friends entourage" theme.
Sometimes I honestly don't know how to tell. I've met straight guys who are femme and gay guys who are aggressively masculine. You have to catch them as a third party sometimes to see them checking guys out. Gay guys will linger a little longer to watch his friend walk away and look him up and down if he's attractive. I've been caught doing this numerous times.
R133, Do you mean Richard Kind? All of the boys were at Kind's fathers funeral, way back when. Waldo Sanchez worked to create Clooney's pap generating hairstyles back in the early days of ER. There aren't new or rotating members of his "substitute family." They bring their kids and grandkids to his Sunday barbecues too.
If you're Congressman Aaron Schock--you're GAY!
I have a (formerly) homophobic stepfather, even though his son and I are both gay. Take Frasier, one of his favorite shows. He easily believed that David Hyde Pierce was gay in real life ("obviously") but when I told him that the father, John Mahoney, was also gay, he refused to believe it. I mean it did not connect at all in his brain that Mahoney could be gay too.
If you respond to a question on gay marriage such as the following, then there's a good chance you're gay:
if he jumps up and down on your sofa shouting that his girlfriend is an amazing woman.
No straight man would tolerate Richard Kind for more than 5 minutes.
Drinks Crystal Light
Smokes Virginia Slims
Wears colored contacts
Knowing all of the words to "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge.
I concur, fit husband / fat wife is not a good indicator on a Marine base. Most Marines are fruitful breeders, so their wives are in end stage dick poisoning.
However, one of my Marines has a large portrait of Judy Garland as a forearm tattoo. If you have that, you may as well be wear a sandwich board that says "I love dick."
Like Queen Latifah, I too have Had It Up To Here. I speak of these younger metrosexualish, hipsters with wives and girlfriends who set off my Gaydar like a damned siren!
I don't understand the comment about Richard Kind.
[quote]Standing, with toe tip on ground .
The OP in the Patrick Schwarzenegger thread says this is a sign of gayness and it seems kind of accurate to me.
He tells you he wants to fuck you and you happen to be male.
This thread was started by the weird gayhating lesbian troll who always refers to gays as "'mos."
R75 nailed it!
When he sucks your dick. I'm pretty sure he's gay.
One big hint - he likes interior design/decorating and/or baking. My friend's boyfriend's first expensive purchase just out of school was a couch set from a high end furniture store. He did not own a house or car at the time. His main activities were decorating and baking. Huge red flags! I correctly predicted that 10 years and 2 children later, he would realize that he was gay. She was shocked! Another red flag - they met in bible study and he saved himself for marriage.
He has a boyfriend
R152, think again sister!
He is a Christian virgin over the age of 18, with average to good looks.
He innocently brings up gay sex as a topic of conversation, every time you have a conversation.
Choice of words such as: "impossibly mannered performances by..."
His voice usually.
Shops for doggy sunglasses.
R156, Wow. Can't tell you have many cute Christian virgins over the age of 18 that I've met in my life. They were always close to my very conservative girlfriends but there was always "a disconnect" with me.
Really, R84? You "set up an experiment" and had a number of men and women parade around in front of this guy in the hopes of proving his gayness? You should be fired for wasting company time as well as for being an idiot in general.
[quote]Another red flag - they met in bible study and he saved himself for marriage.
Yes! That's always a sign.
"He is a Christian virgin over the age of 18, with average to good looks."
Also, a Christian virgin who is over 25 and, despite the fact that fundies place a HUGE emphasis on marriage and the family, has no plans to get married.
Also, any guy who is middle-aged but in great shape (aside from athletes or guys in looks-based professions like acting or modeling)
[quote]Also, any guy who is middle-aged but in great shape
Do not agree on this one. He could be on the market for a younger woman. Old straight dudes do all kinds of idiotic things to try and stay relevant on the dating scene. Overly white teeth, Hair Club for Men, etc.
[quote]any guy who is middle-aged but in great shape
Yes, this is a little broad. But middle-aged guys who do a lot of work on the weights tend to be gay.
(Especially if they're at the gym at night, when most middle-aged guys are with their families.)
I'm 44. I don't run in a world where everyone is 22 and "surrounded by cute guys", whatever the fuck that means. I effortlessly and unknowingly pass for straight all the time, but I know even I trip some people's gaydar. I loathe the term "straight acting" because I'm not straight and this is not an act, but I am undoubtedly a straight-appearing gay man. I've run into gay coworkers at gay bars and seen their jaws hit the floor when they realize I'm gay. Make of that what you will, I don't care.
I freelance and work partly in corporate environments but also in some very liberal/production-oriented environments. I cross paths with a wide range of people from all classes and walks of life. Here's my list of gay male "tells" for men who aren't overtly gay but aren't in deep denial, either.
First and foremost, he checks out guys and ignores women. This is easy and has already been stated, but you'd be shocked at how obvious a guy can be if you really watch him when a good-looking male crosses his sight line, versus when a good-looking female does. Even when a guy is trying to be discreet, this is often a dead give-away. I know I'm guilty of it myself, but I'm fully out so I don't care, although I never leer or act obvious, that's just rude.
Similarly, they are friendlier to men and try to act "chummier". Dealings with females will be polite and perfunctory, interactions with males will be warmer and more personal. This isn't necessarily a sexual thing; gay men in general prefer the company of men and instinctively relate to them better. Unlike their hetero counterparts, they have little need to charm women. Straight men are conditioned to flatter and act chivalrous towards women. Gay men alternately treat them as equals or ignore them. Outside of some friendships, work relationships and family, we have no need for women. Sorry, ladies.
Gay men understand and express more cultural references. I'm not talking about quoting musicals or name-dropping opera singers, but gay men generally absorb more culture, including pop culture, and will make references to films and music that most people get but wouldn't come up with on their own. We're culturally savvy and adept at interpreting culture for others. This is just the same old stereotype about us, but it's true and even present among our most straight-appearing sisters.
Similarly, gay men are very observant. They'll remember details others forgot or never noticed in the first place. I think this attribute is honed from years of sizing up others (gay or straight? Friend or foe?), amassing knowledge that will allow us to pass ("Didja see the big game last night?") and just generally trying to blend in. We're always looking for signs, signals and details where straight people just breeze forward and don't care. It's their world, we're just stuck in it, so we're constantly looking, listening and searching for signals.
We do tend to dress better and take more care grooming ourselves. Even a gay guy trying desperately to look straight will just be a little *too* put together; a belt clearly accessorized with a particular pair of shoes; a baseball cap angled just so; socks that aren't solid black or solid white. Never-ever grown-out hair (indicating a rigid hair cutting schedule), immaculate nails, precisely trimmed facial hair and a tan in the winter are also obvious signs. Straight guys just don't give a shit about that stuff and straight women don't set their standards that high, anyway.
Most of the gay men I know are more empathic and liberal-minded than their straight counterparts, but this is never ironclad proof. The lines are blurred too much on both ends; straight guys are evolving more while some gays wholly embrace a hardened, conservative outlook. See hipsters vs. log cabinettes.
In fact, hipsters throw all this off. If a guy is bearded, tattooed, wearing plaid and under 30, all bets are off. I can't figure them out at all, they look and act gay but most of them are straight, apparently.
That's what I know as a 44-year old straight-appearing male.
[quote]When a guy is 50 and still never been married or even engaged.
This one is always ridiculous. I know gay men over 50 who never settled down. Are they secretly straight?
Some people don't pair up. Doesn't mean they're hiding anything.
"Some people don't pair up. Doesn't mean they're hiding anything."
I know older straight guys who have never been married...but I have yet to meet an older straight guy who has never been married OR engaged OR in a long term live-in relationship.
"This one is always ridiculous. I know gay men over 50 who never settled down. Are they secretly straight?"
What does that have to do with anything? The straight world has always been more geared towards settling down than the gay world. There has always been a focus on getting married and having kids that hasn't been there in the gay world (although maybe that will change with gay marriage become legal in more places)
Many straights never pair up for more than relatively brief periods of time. Likely they were the children of divorce or unhappy marriages. Others have worked hard to achieve "the good life," and fear the emotional and financial damage associated with break-ups. Especially if they live in a big city and not fly over territory, their are many pressures to stay legally single.
R167, You need to get out more if you really believe the following is an indicator of a gay man: "any guy who is middle-aged but in great shape." Countless straights know that their careers are dependent on maintaining a youthful, healthy image in today's competitive world. Jobs involving any public contact, including hospitality and sales, and anything related to medicine, pressure employees to "look good." Insurance policies discriminate against the out-of-shape.
Years ago I worked as a headhunter for computer programmers. At that time employers were desperate for talent. An applicant was ex-military but also very over-weight. My boss told me he was almost unhirable, even though he would likely be working in a hidden office, away from public view.
"Insurance policies discriminate against the out-of-shape."
Yeah, but tons people are still overweight, anyway.
"You need to get out more if you really believe the following is an indicator of a gay man"
You need to get out more if you think that gay men are significantly less likely to be overweight than straight men. Studies prove it.
"Countless straights know that their careers are dependent on maintaining a youthful, healthy image in today's competitive world"
Again, that hasn't changed the fact that most people are overweight, anyway.
"Many straights never pair up for more than relatively brief periods of time. Likely they were the children of divorce or unhappy marriages."
No, even people who grew up with divorced parents have long term relationships (even if those relationships don't lead to marriage)
"Especially if they live in a big city and not fly over territory, their are many pressures to stay legally single."
Um, no. Even people who don't live in "fly over territory" (as you call it)usually get married, although they usually settle down at later ages. And many "legally single" people are in long-term relationships.
This thread is called "pretty good indicators that a guy is gay" not FOOLPROOF indicators that guy is gay....
R168, If you live in a very cosmopolitan city, how do you know if a guy is gay or just metrosexual? Many straights are competitive in the workforce and for the attention of hot ladies, whether or not they're paired up. Even if they're not having affairs, some enjoy the flirtatious attentions of hot girls, and know that they have to look and act a certain way to get it.
Nerds, the overweight and poorly dressed, the badly mannered, those that lack charm, are now the ones that will remain single, unless they become wealthy or get very lucky.
[quote]This thread is called "pretty good indicators that a guy is gay" not FOOLPROOF indicators that guy is gay....
It's also not called "Hoary, hackneyed gay stereotypes you heard from your grandmother".
Your belief that everyone pairs up eventually really just marks you as young and inexperienced. MANY people stay single forever, many more never pair up again after a painful breakup in their youth. There are many people, gay and straight, who die single without having had a serious relationship in decades, if ever.
Whatever world you live in where there's a lid for every pot and everyone ends up coupled is NOT the real world.
[quote]Dealings with females will be polite and perfunctory, interactions with males will be warmer and more personal. This isn't necessarily a sexual thing; gay men in general prefer the company of men and instinctively relate to them better.
This isn't true for me. I always prefer to deal with women - in business interactions, as neighbors, etc. I'm more comfortable with them. Meanwhile, I have a hard time maintaining friendships with gay men - I always feel like they're rivals. I do best with straight couples. (You may be correct in general, I'm just saying there are exceptions and I'm one.)
[quote]hipsters throw all this off.
The gay hipsters dress more neatly - their jeans are clean.
Best indicator is a tin-tin haircut. Seriously.
R177: the current Jeopardy champ is a Tin Tin clone - seriously!
[quote]Doesn't use a diminutive name: James (not Jim), Charles (not Chuck), etc.
John, Jim, Ed, Chuck, Fred, and Bill are straight.
Johnathan, James, Edward, Charles, Frederick, and William are fags.
9 times out of 10.
R172, Agreed that many people are now overweight, some extremely so, regardless of their sex or orientation. Since many jobs discriminate on the basis of weight and appearance, smart aging straights copy those around them who've learned to be competitive in the job market by improving their looks and level of physical fitness. Competent doctors preach diet and exercise as well.
Chanel or other designer purse called a satchel or "my hand bag."
He is handsome, but you've seen him tell every type of woman that she is not his type.
A November 1994 episode of "Friends" has Chandler question his sexual persona when a collegue wants to arrange a date for him - with another guy. Through the rest of the show, he's trying to figure out what makes people think he's gay. Everyone agrees that it's a "quality" he has. Then Rachel says it's his hair and Phoebe tells him he has homosexual hair. All the Friends admit that when they first met him they figured he was gay.
r184, TY homosexual hair. LOL!
[quote]THIS!!!! John, Jim, Ed, Chuck, Fred, and Bill are straight. Johnathan, James, Edward, Charles, Frederick, and William are fags.
This rule doesn't apply outside America though. I spent a couple of summers in England and got really confused because a lot of English guys don't shorten their names. They introduce themselves as David, Peter, Anthony, Michael, James etc.
Sunglasses in the shirt neck!!! Basically advertizing for man sex.
I've been on the DL many years now (since '99). One of the most memorable little posts I remember was on a thread about a similar topic ("How do I know if My Husband is Gay?"). Someone posted the answer: "He knows all the words to 'Lookin for a New Love' by Jody Watley."
I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THAT ONE, and still get a chuckle out of it today.
R182, I have never in my life seen a man carry a woman's purse and call it "my hand bag", at least not one who's homosexuality was in doubt. WTF are you pulling that bullshit from?
Are you thinking of messenger bags? A messenger bag is not anything remotely like a woman's "Chanel or other designer purse" and men of all orientations have been using them for decades. You sound very old or very stupid.
R189. You are the deluded one.
Try leaving NYC and visiting the rest of the Country once and a while. Notice the extremely low, almost zero, number of pickup truck driving American men, carrying "man purses".
So that's the dividing line? "Pick up driving men" = straight, everyone else is suspect?
I think this thread went seriously off the rails a while ago. It started out as a cool discussion about subtle gay markers, but now its just idiots rehashing cultural views that are about 50 years out of date. "Gay men carry purses!". Um, OK, Granny, time for your pill.
Way too many of you are too eager to indulge in the most asinine stereotypes about gay and straight men. Apparently if you don't live outside of New York and you don't drive a pickup truck, you're probably gay. Thanks for the view from The Westboro Baptist Church.
BTW, I was addressing the poster who claimed men, somewhere, carry women's purses and call them "my hand bag". You can go on breathing through your mouth and believing "messenger bag" = "homo", but it still doesn't make a messenger bag a Chanel purse, nor do men anywhere call their messenger bag "my hand bag".
Loving the totally average, American heterosexual male of today, with his "messenger bag".
In my books, I write about the "clueless or gay" rule for pickup-artists, which states:
"If two men are hanging out, without a specific purpose, either both are clueless, or one is gay and attempting to seduce the other."
Start there. I was once clueless, and was pretyed upon by gays for years, simply becuase it was easier to call them up to hang out than to hit on the super-hot women I wanted. As gays, they were more eager to hang out with me, and of course didn't mind my calling them at all. Media brainwashing to be "tolerant" is all well and good, but it just makes it too easy for a straight guy to fall into the "bros before hoes" mindset.
With the C&G rule, "Clueless" is called the first time, after which it can't be used as an excuse. Assuming that is not an issue (since gays are not clueless), here at the telltale signs.
1. Their social circle will be "men to the fourth power." Not just mostly male friends, but the male friends will also have almost entirely male frie nds, and so on, to where he is not even four friends removed from a single female.
2. They find unattractive women sexy. Bette Midler, Dorian Lord (fictional), etc. Dorian's husband, supposedly a player, was played by then-closeted tUC wATKINS.
3. Attacks homosexuality or mocks it in a high-pitched voice. A certain comedian does this and again it's too easy for a straight guy not to realize what's giong on. Would gays want straight men playing gay role models? I doubt it.
4. They take more of your shit, and boost your ego in ways straights would not. It makes it easier to be their friend, since we all like to hvae our ego stoked.
5. Attempts to touch or otherwise engage in physical play, especially among the young.
7. Is a bully at school. This is an exc use to get physical and express that desire while thinking they are under the radar.
8. While acting like a player, never really displays the insight one would expect from one. A certain fictional character who is a writer fits this to a T.
I find the "men to the fourth power" indicator to be the most reliable. Cluelessness is a big problem, especially for men who grew up thinking all those closeted actors in Hollywood who act like women are "real men." Deprogramming from that alone can come very late in life for most men. I was lucky to have woken up by aruond twenty-five.
If confronted about being gay, will effeminately deny in a masculine-falsetto, declaring that they only like women, whereas a straight man would be on the verge of physical attack.
I find running from obviously gay males as the top predictor. Particularly in Showbiz and Sports.
Show me a blatantly femme gay guy in a room and I will show you the exit doors the closet cases just ran thru.
It is extremely rare to find a gay male, confident enough in himself, to stand next to a flamboyantly gay male, without the flight response. The straight guys don't care, because this type of gay guy, is not a threat to them. (The Leather Dude and a Bear, on the other hand, makes straight guys "run for their lives").
He's forty-something but hasn't found the right woman, yet.
Super detail-oriented, and lives a Martha Stewart lifestyle: cooking, entertaining, house-keeping, gardening, decorating, etc, all given high priority and done at master-class level. And always perfectly coiffed and dressed, just like Martha.
I've known "straight" men like this married to women.
[quote]I've known "straight" men like this married to women.
More than likely, gay men who buy into the idea that society expects men to get married and create a family. A dozen years later, these "straight" married men are visiting parks and adult book stores to get the sex they crave.
[quote]Some hetero men have zero luck with women and can rarely get a date or just give up trying, don't you think?
Yeah or some have had long term relationships & live-ins. People are less conventional than they were 50-60 years ago- women don't need to worry about pregnancy given that the rhythm method went out of style decades so they're easier to bang. But true some guys are just hung-up and/or introverted.
A tattoo like this one is a pretty good indicator.
I had thought sunglasses in the shirt neck to be a very middle-aged straight thing, along with red sports cars, and second trophy wives?
Jazz Hands, Also if they watch 'Glee'
R206 Yeah I don't think the glasses in the shirt neck is any kind of indicator whatsoever.
He talks about his Precious Memories collection endlessly and belittles those who choose to collect Franklin Mint.
He makes it a point to compliment you on your looks.
If he's a Marine.
Guy who always wear deep necked shirts or v necks all time
Guys that spend more time with their other guy friends than their girlfriend (he's cheating with another a woman or he's gay and is sleeping with his best friend, hunny)
Guys that blow bubbles and pop their gum (I know a lot of you hate this, but I think its cute)
R211, What per centage of Marines do you think are gay?
His iPhone home screen is a beach picture of JFK Jr.
If he's seen with Taylor Swift, he's either gay or bi, trending toward gay.
He's wearing red Prada slippers and a miter.
Sings along with Mariah Carey songs in the gym.
(I saw a guy do this years ago. Last month, his pictures turned up on Rentboy.)
He knows all the dialog for "Maurice" since he's seen it 37 times.
Has a rather large and extensive collection of Barbie's.
Has a rather large and extensive collection of china
I prefer to keep my personal life private.
Show me a picture of a guy, standing by his pickup truck, wearing a tool belt and having SUNGLASSES IN HIS SHIRT NECK!!!!
DOESN'T EXIST, you Marys are pissed off because you got caught doing one of the gayest things possible. Sunglasses in the shirt neck!
See if his dick tastes like shit. If it does, BINGO! He's gay.
Can you imagine wearing that ugly tattoo in r201 for the rest of your life? How fugly!
[quote]Show me a picture of a guy, standing by his pickup truck, wearing a tool belt and having SUNGLASSES IN HIS SHIRT NECK!
How about on his head?
Every now and then he suddenly wakes up with a jolt in the middle of the night, thinking he's Liza Minnelli.
He wears clothes that teenage boys wear, even though he's in his 30s.
He's a professional athlete worth millions of dollars but still lives with his male "roommate"
He's a professional athlete worth millions of dollars but is never seen with women ever
He wears a turquoise belt.
 I see a lot of straight guys (late Gen X'ers) doing that too these days.
I suspect it's only going to get worse, especially when the facebook-generation starts ageing.
Picked you up at the grocery store? That's true isn't it?
R54, you just described 70% of the 30-something male population in the Netherlands.
^ Sorry, meant R254.
his clothes are clean, fashionable and nice.
he is clean and smells nice.
he has a high voice.
he snaps his fingers.
He's lady like
When he's with a sexy-looking woman and you can tell he's not the least bit excited.
 Believe it or not, but I actually am from The Netherlands!
Same here, R254. I live in Ireland, though--maybe I'm out of touch.
He likes to look like a hipster, unshaved and wearing dirty clothes.
If you want to know who is homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual or asexual you just have to ask the question.
Relying on external appearance or behaviour is not a good indicator because they belong to the realm of personal preferences and life experiences that model one's personality.
He speaks excessively of Janet Jackson.
There's a guy at work I've always suspected was gay, and he made my Gaydar go off (again) after he told a story about how he was "visibly shaking" when some restaurant got his order wrong.
Is it just me or does that sound like a "MARY!" moment?
Sadly, he hangs out with alcoholic, never-satisfied fat women who have a lot of contempt for men. Then he just accepts it.
If he's over 40 and doesn't own a shirt with a collar.
R272, that sounds like a slobbish straight guy
Lower back tramp stamp, or tattoos around navel particularly stars or paw prints; indeed paw prints anywhere!
Two guys I know, both living with their girlfriends.
1) 40's, pinged for me from Day One; I was genuinely surprised when I learned he has a girlfriend. Someone mentioned "cornholing" - in reference to that stupid bean bag toss game from Flyoverland - in front of him, and he immediately turned beet red, almost purple. He's an "artistic" fellow.
2) 20-something hipster. Talks sports with the best of them, but a wild foodie as well, and frankly seems borderline bitchy at times. His references to the girlfriend make it seem as though she's more a necessary evil (appendage) than a solid relationship. No, I do not fancy him at all, period, not wishful thinking on my part. (for one thing, his ponytail is a bit of a turnoff)
Any hipster clues, besides "gay ones dress better"?