Lots of hetero women are turned on by controlling, dominating men.
Such as Nigella Lawson. The attraction is real and relevant -and very politically incorrect.
Powerful and rich too.
But not abusive ones, OP.
In addition, about 10% of women are primarily dominant and turned on mainly by submissive men (I am one of those women).
As are a lot of homosexual men.
I lot of dudes are attracted to the same. Alpha Males are considered the most attractive males in our society. People love powerful dudes.
Even on mainstream forums, people think tough, dominant men are hot. Just look at how many women (and men) are acknowledging they think Aaron Hernandez is hot, despite the circumstances.
I don't blame them. I like a good face-slap from time to time
r5 that is just colorstruck black women fawning over Hernandez, they would kill to have a baby with good hair.
Anyway these men have to have power as well, a controlling dominating man who washes dishes for a living wont find too many women. Money and power are the turn ons for most women.
R7 please be a woman, since you seem to know so much what they want.
I'm a straight woman. I also consider myself a feminist and in theory I would wan't to fall for a man based solely on his intellect, humour and beliefs, preferably someone who shared my views on gender equality, feminism and the deconstruction of the gender hierarchy.
In reality I do find these qualities favourable in potential partners but if there isn't any attraction it's to no use. And the most attractive men to me are tall, built men that according to others give off a macho vibe. I live in Sweden and most guys here make me sick. Looking through some of my male class mates instagrams make me lose hope for ever finding a partner. I've had lots of attractive guys come onto but when I've looked through their online personas I've been put off. Lots of pictures showing off their pecs in wife beaters, lying half naked in a tanning booth, shopping trips, looking in to the camera with a "fuck me" look and pouting their lips in every single picture, pics of their celebrity idols, pics with the bros where each and every "bro" is arching his back, squinting his eyes and doing a duckface.
They are so superficial too, following every ridiculous fashion trend, getting swept up by the latest media currents. I wan't a real man, not a mindless sheep. Someone who exudes, security and confidence. Who's thoughts are occupied with goals of his future, his family, politics and things with depth. I'm sick of all the effeminate, shallow brand whores around me and find myself looking more and more to guys outside my circle of "hipsters" and "party people".
Some of the newer immigrants seem to not have fallen for the cult of celebrity worshipping. I would have been put off by their gray track suits, hoodies and buzz cuts but now a day nothing raises my pulse more. There is still hope thanks to some of the lighter-skinned arabs and slavic boys.
r8 no I am a black man, I know how the sick black female mind works however
What's wrong with the darker-skinned Arabs, Slavs, or dare we say African immigrants, R9?
R5, never heard of him, but thanks for the heads-up about this new macho dreamboat. I just want to collect his pics for my porn collection, people can read more into that if they want, but they'd just be trolling. He's just a sexy piece of meat to me.
I'm actually the child of immigrants myself. I have a preference for light eyes, squinty eyes, dark hair and round faces. Alot of the lighter arabs share the same features that some of the slavs do. It's just a question of personal taste, I find men of all races attractive but only the guys with the features listed above have rendered me weak at the knees and raised my pulse only by looking at them attraction. I also like the feeling of being slammed against a wall, wrists pinned down by a strong pair of hands, hair pulling etc.
Didn't you read the tweets from all the sicko women who essentially said they wanted Chris Brown to beat them?
There's a big difference between being turned on by a guy and wanting a relationship with him.
Hell, yes, I want a dominant man when it comes to sex -- bondage, submission, all that stuff turns me on.
No way would I want to get into a real-life relationship with someone like that though. In a relationship I want respect and affection.
So I guess my ideal situation would be to have a supportive main partner, but meet a guy on the side for dirty, nasty sex.
The admission that lots of women crave alpha male aggressiveness certainly complicates domestic violence policy.
r15 are you a woman or a man though? The question was geared towards women.
r13 I would be willing to do that to you, even though I dont like you. Wont be any sex involved either
Very politically incorrect - is that a joke? Is this a soap thread?
Not really, R16.
First of all, this is not *all* women.
Secondly, "abuse" is very specifically defined.
R9 is on point. str men have adopted the most pitiful egomaniacal excesses of gay men. and that's sad for everybody
R13 thanks for being honest.
Would you also share where you are from?
r22 - nope. I am the wrong color.
OP, you are looking at it from the front angle. Lawson's husband is obviously a high-functioning sociopath. Sociopaths attract romantic partners not because they initially project the threat of violence or control/domination, but because during the courting/luring phase, sociopaths go out of their way to make you feel like the most important person in the world: extravagant gifts, favors, attention, etc. At the same time, they project confidence and security, which many people, men and women, see as the ideal qualities in a long-term mate.
Then, you marry them, and the nightmare begins.
Wrong angle, not front angle
I'm sorry, R23, I don't understand.
Can you clarify?
R9 I really don't get your drift. You like Muslims that treat women like shit BUT you're still a feminist. Swedish men have become very blah to you? That's OK we'll take all the beautiful Swedish men and you can have all the chauvinistic Muslim and Slavic peen you want.
r27 Well then, you must be very dense. Most muslims do not treat their women like shit and sadly many of the muslims guys that were born and raised in Sweden act exactly the same as most other Swedes. Hence, me expressing my admiration for the "newer" immigrants. Guys that have come here recently and haven't fallen prey to the materialistic, shallow celebrity worshipping culture.
I'm a woman. I only like my man controlling and dominating in bed (and with my consent), not in any other area of life. I don't want an asshole for a partner.
Guess I'm weird.
Lots of hetero men are turned on by controlling, dominating women. But they're even less likely to admit their preference for submission than women are, it's socially unacceptable for a man to be so "unmanly".
Remember that, the next time you want to "rescue" a straight man from a nasty, domineering woman. He married that woman because he LIKES that kind of relationship, even if he complains about her.
Men are both more dominant AND more submissive than women.
Maybe I'm internalizing misogyny but finding out that a man I was involved with liked beeing dominated by women would probably turn me off him for life.
Women are brainwashed since they are little to defer to men, be submissive to them and value anything male-identified above all else even if it comes at their own expense. Any girl/woman wandering outside that ruthlessly enforced paradigm will have nothing but problems and conflicts with society at large for her entire life.
r33 could you elaborate a little further?
How would a woman break the paradigm? By acting "male" or bossy towards her male colleagues or by beating male peers at typically male dominated sports?
r35: by simply not valuing, assigning overinflated importance or ridiculing anything male identified (such as sports, spots stars, guns, superhero movies, pathological greed, ruthless egoism, misogyny, etc.). Displaying no interest and/or overinvestment in attaching herself to a man, and generally showing a greater interest in her own life and well-being than that of her male partner, male family members and male offspring.
Glad to not be straight. Too many mixed signals from "feminist" women.
I am a proud black woman
r7, you are being a clown, dude.
I know of well-educated, brilliant, intelligent women who believe that men should be the leader of the household and have the final authority over their wives/girlfriends. I hear educated women say they are looking for a man who will be a "real man" and be the leader of their family, the one who is heroically dominant and in charge.
It is no secret that men and women are attracted to Alpha Males. America's obsession with football and its athletes is proof that the Gladiator cult is stronger than ever. We love strong, dominant, conquering men. Society holds Alpha Males up as our leaders (the presidential race is about which Alpha Male could beat up the other Alpha Male) and lovers.
r36 continue worshipping the same pathriarcal structures that have caused gay people, women and children misery for thousands of years.
[quote] Lots of hetero women are turned on by controlling, dominating men.
And this has been your Vast Overgeneralization Of The Day!
People are missing an obvious reason these women are with dominant men, and that is prior abuse as a child. Same thing with men who end up with domineering and dangerous women. If that's what you grew up with, that's what's normal to you, and only a shitload of therapy is going to help you break those patterns.
r41, you can deny natural instinct and desire, but most people do not.
r41 wow, you really wen't there. the nerve, do you mean those same natural instincts and biological mechanisms that straight people claim makes homosexuality the ultimate unnatural deviance.
"America's obsession with football and its athletes is proof that the Gladiator cult is stronger than ever"
Never mind that athletes seem to constitute a much higher than average percentage of violent offenders, both sexually and otherwise. Sports means big money, no wonder corporations hype these losers.
Lots of hetero men are turned on by controlling, dominating women. Ever see Kink.com?
r47 Lots of hetero men are also turned on by getting shit on doesn't make it any less discusting.
It is spelled, "disgusting."
And no, if the participants are willing in the sexual act-then I fail to see the problem.
It is interesting to see the dichotomy of sub/dom cultures.
Usually, I see the most quiet shy reserved person, very timid, get sexually aroused by dominating someone. And the reversal of an aggressively dominant personality in the real world get turned on by being a submissive.- it isn't about sex, or gender, it is about control. Giving in or giving it up.
women can dominate if they find the right guy. it has nothing to do with gender stereotypes.
I love how people concoct stories about the underlying pathologies of people of different sexualities or persuasions...at the rate people are going, we ALL must be abused at some point.
Give me a break.
Rape and abuse happens, but the resulting impact varies according to the individual receiving it. Not all psychological makeup is the same.
Some can lash out in anger/rage, others hyper-sexual(as stereotyped), or non-sexual at all-repressive/anxious about sex as it reminds them of the act.
[quote] I wan't a real man, not a mindless sheep. Someone who exudes, security and confidence. Who's thoughts are occupied with goals of his future, his family, politics and things with depth.
Hope you mate with someone who's mastered the apostrophe, so your kids aren't born with your defect.
r51 I feel like you are a citizen of the Jewnited States of Americunt.
Did you miss the part where I said that I lived in Sweden and my parents are immigrants. English is neither my first or second language but my third. Care to point out exactly where in my quote I made this grammatical error you feel so strongly about that you wan't me to abstain from ever procreating.
OP, you sound like one of those 'experts' appearing on Phil Donahue and the Virginia Graham show in 1973 explaining how women's lib will never work because all women really want is to be dominated.
I suspect most men who are with "domineering" women are not happy with them, but can't do any better. I've heard straight men talk and next to being fat, having an aggressive, domineering personality ranks high on their list of turnoffs.
Women go through phases just like anybody else. When I was less confident in myself, I was attracted to dominant monkey types because they make you feel very desired.(Never mind that most of the time, those guys are just WAY into their own cocks more than they are into you)
Then I fell in love with a man who wished to be submissive and honey, I never looked back. It's nice to have the control as well as have all your drinks refreshed.
Much of this stuff is all a frame of mind. Straight women would do well to wake up their inner Mistresses.
Wanting an alpha male and wanting an abusive male are two different things. The OP should feel embarrassed.
What r29 and r32 said and part of r13. I like that Arab look too, and have dated Persians as well.
A man who treats me like an equal in decision making and values my worth, but is dominant and in control during sex is great in my book.
[quote] I feel like you are a citizen of the Jewnited States of Americunt
Again, R54, very few straight men are willing to admit that they like having a dominant wife, because it's not socially acceptable. So a man who spends his time at home serving his alpha-female wife will probably complain about her bossiness to his fellow straight males, and then go home and obey her like a good boy.
Of course there are men who blunder into these femdom relationships and aren't happy, but plenty more are there because that's what they really want.
Love it when gays think they know anything about women.
r60 They are just as clueless as straight men.
r10, you do realize there's a sizable number of Black men who fawn over White women just because they're White, right? Actually, you see this with some gay Black men. That's the norm everyone is used to seeing. The Black woman/other race man thing isn't nearly as large in number and still has some novelty. There are a whole lot of mixed children (half of which don't have their original daddies, the "it's Black women" excuse doesn't really work when there are so many biracial children who's father's didn't bother).
*obviously I mean, "didn't bother" even when the mom's are White or Asian.
People think dominant men are sexy because power and strength are very attractive traits in men. The sexiest men are conquerers and victorious.
A simpler way to put that r64, is power is the greatest aphrodisiac.
[quote]The attraction is real and relevant -and very politically incorrect.
Which just shows you what bullshit political correctness is.
Humans have evolved this way for thousands of years.
Men are attracted to beauty, and women are attracted to power and status.
[quote]Which just shows you what bullshit political correctness is.
Humans have evolved this way for thousands of years.
Men are attracted to beauty, and women are attracted to power and status.
And given half a chance, many men and women will totally flip any expected or assigned gender role. The fact that these roles are so rigidly and sometimes violently enforced by society is proof that they aren't as natural as you make them out to be.
R61, I think they're worse than straight men because they think straight porn is true life.
I agree with r36. At least gay men are pretty much up front about what it is we truly want. I find that a lot of young women set up a lot of psychological detours around what it is they are looking for in partners, instead of cutting to the chase. That would drive me insane if every gay guy was like that. A lot of these mental detours are set up by patriarchal structures in society r41. I think gay men are usually trying to make sense of our lives as outsiders of the patriarchal structure, and women are trying to change it so it works well for their individual relationships.
I didn't want to read all the bullshit on this thread, so if I'm repeating what someone else posted, forgive me. Lots of *people* (including some gay and straight men) like to be dominated sexually. This preference is not an excuse for these people to be abused! Because being dominated in bed (a game, which has specific rules and safe words that are worked out beforehand between the sexual partners) is not the same as being choked in a restaurant (a crime for which the assailant should serve time in jail, whether he's the partner of his victim or not). I would think anyone who is not a total idiot would get that.
R69, "At least gay men are pretty much up front about what it is we truly want. I find that a lot of young women set up a lot of psychological detours around what it is they are looking for..."
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW???
I'm fascinated by r7, the racist, sexist expert on the inner workings of all black women's minds. What does a good hair baby have to do with anything here?
I don't really think that's true. You see plenty of powerful men get ridiculed for having a small stature, high pitched voice, fat body, thin hair etc. Walking down the street, or talking to these men in a setting where their power isn't known doesn't attract any females.
R73 That's not where it counts. Women are entranced by money and power. It's so easy for them to shut off the part of their brain that wants a virile gorgeous guy. I had a boss who was fugly but had a harem at his disposal because of his money and his stature.
r73 I don't disagree with that only with the use of the word aphrodisiac which imo isn't correct. Power is of great allure to most women but when it comes to doing the dead I doubt any of those women are soaking themselves in anticipation.
Power is sexy in men. It can be displayed through social power (career, money, fame), or physically (muscles, height). A dude who has both types is considered the sexiest of all.
Love the detailed and stereotypical expert opinions of gay men (many of whom hate women, it appears) about what women wsnt. It's like Fox News on here.
Well you know all about hate, homophobe.
I fail to see the contradiction or "mixed signals." As long as you're up front with your partner about what you like in bed and that you don't want that spilling over into any other aspect of your life together, I don't see the problem.
Sometimes I like my partner to be dominating and controlling, and sometimes I like to flip roles and scenarios so he'll be the submissive one (which he enjoys). Does this mean he doesn't really want to be equal to me and that I get to smack him and order him around outside the bedroom? No, of course not. We both understand that what happens in the bedroom is separate from everything else. One is role-playing, one is real life. It shouldn't be difficult to distinguish between the two.
I'd like to see one shred of evidence that OP's statement is remotely true.
I can think of one woman I know who fits that description on the surface - she is also one of the most, if not the most, passive aggressive person I know. Which basically undoes what every her husband thinks he is controlling.
When I read the likes of r7, r10, r62 & r72 and realize they're serious, I just don't know what to think or say. We Africans may have plenty of our own problems, but black Americans just make me sad, sometimes. I mean, "good hair"??? SMH. I saw the Chris Rock documentary, btw.
r79 Thank you.
People never seem to be able to separate women from their sexuality. As a straight girl I know this all to well. I used to be the epitome of the typical madonna in the madonna/whore dichtomy. I was an anorexic, modest clothing, shy, never cussed, soft spoken, "natural" makeup etc and guys used to put me on a pedistal and while they would push for sex they could hardly believe themselves when when we did and would feel guilty afterwards for "ruining" me.
I literally had a guy start crying and apologizing after he came on my face. Even though he had talked about it lots before and I was game and willing, afterwards he said he didn't like "seeing me that way", in other words he didn't like seeing me as a sexual being doing sexual things. Things were never the same between us after that.
A girl can't win. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Women do not respect any husband who allows themselves to be henpecked or dominated. You see this a lot, so-called feminist wives who castrate their husbands only to possess the most miserable frowns on their faces.
My sister, a real ball-breaker, has confided to me that she is just waiting for her hubby to wake up and stand up for himself. She does not respect him, yet he pays the bills, keeps a good job, helps out with the kids, cleans up the house, and scrapes and bows before her majesty the queen.
She seems to hate him more and more every year, as if she resents having to play the man's role in the relationship as the bossy one.
I have seen her walk up to another man and hug him, openly, at a party with her husband present.
I'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't so wishy-washy, as it aggravates me as well.
Speaking for myself, a hetero woman, I have no desire to have a relationship - romantic, friendly or business - with an abusive person of either sex.
Outside of sex games, I don't think anyone does either.
Powerful, alpha males - oh, yes, who doesn't - but abusive that's another thing all together.
Some are trapped in abusive relationships from which they cannot exit, either through circumstances or psychologically.
r83 My worst nightmare. It's always the affluent, well-rounded guys end up like this too.
[quote]But not abusive ones, OP.
Please go on tumblr and read the ramblings of fangirls who would love A [bold]Christian Grey.[/bold]
r86 I feel like most of those fan gurls worship Christian Grey because he a millionare, CEO, has a body and face that would put Henry Cavill and Matt Bomer to shame yet he still falls for little miss plain Anastasia. Having the most eligible man in the world CHOOSE and only you is not the same as average joe doing it. Sadly many would feel a sense of privilige and elation by the abusive actions of Christian Gray but those same actions would warrant a restraing order if it was average joe.
The real catches--attractive, thoughtful, smart guys have been handing their balls in to bossy wives for some time now.
If there isn't mutual respect--and this goes for domineering husbands as well--there is a great likelihood of cheating.
I'm know for a fact that my sister is sniffing around for another man. I know that he "bores her." I also know that she will not leave him because he makes a good living and schleps around for her.
Bu then again I think he may enjoy his lowly status as some kind of kink or because he feel that negative attention is better than none at all.
[R69], "At least gay men are pretty much up front about what it is we truly want. I find that a lot of young women set up a lot of psychological detours around what it is they are looking for..."
[quote]HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW???
r71, come on now. Women are the masters of going through relationships where they make themselves believe the guy they are with has all the attributes that they need to sustain said relationship, when deep down they know damn well that the guy is falling short in a very important part of the relationship. Whatever this is varies from guy to guy.
They get themselves psyched out and think that just because a man is great in one aspect of the relationship, that it will make up for that one aspect in the relationship which they are severely lacking. WRONG. I have seen it time and time again. If you know that the guy is driving you crazy (not in a good way) then why do you continue on, taking everyone through the song and dance? Im talking at the women I know. But damn. Figure out what is you want, EVERYTHING you want, and go for it. Leave the losers. You have a vagina for God's sake, use it to your advantage!
r89 I hate people like that regardless of gender. I know plenty of guys that can't even last a week without a girlfriend and go from one relationship straight to the other, they always have a couple of girls simmering in the background waiting to be hooked the minute they decides to call it quits.
Sometimes they don't even seem to like their girlfriends but they have a need to always have someone they can claim as "theirs". Regular sex, someone who will drop everything to hangout when they feel like it, go out with, pass the time on boring days and ocf for unconditional emotional support. I feel sorry for their gf's. Ugh.
Straight women will put up with almost anything just to get their hooks in a guy for three reasons.
1. They MUST HAVE a gawdawful "Fairy Princess" wedding.
2. They will simply DIE if they have to admit being single another moment.
3. They want to quit their jobs and have a man support them financially.
r91, you seem catty and jealous, dude.
I hate women who [bold]can[/bold] get out of abusive relationships but refuse to because they love their man too much!
In reality, most people are boring. Their relationships are boring. Their lives are boring.
Oftentimes I find myself enthralled with viewing the boring lives of average schmoes.
Alpha Males are hot.
I think men just get provoked by the non-stop demands, whining, passive aggression, game-playing, "guess what I'm thinking and feeling," am-I-fat crap, jealousy, and the rest of what it means to attempt to remain in proximity to a woman. Yes, some men are controlling and dominating. But women take every male personality as an I'll-control-Daddy-and-make-him-pay starting point to get what they demand, which often changes from day to day.
So be a little kinder about straight men. They are, after all, the people who are biologically cursed to be attracted to these psycho messes.
I own this thread.
Alfa Males leave me limp, their over confidence and constant ' I never make a mistake' attitude is nauseating, especially because they ate wrong so often.
[quote]The admission that lots of women crave alpha male aggressiveness certainly complicates domestic violence policy.
No it doesn't and it's not a particularly high percentage of straight women and gay men who want that in a partner, anyway.
The key is consent. If a woman wants to get her ass kicked in bed or out - fine (although the state may step in if family or neighbors call 911 and they may not give a shit that anyone consented). If she doesn't want that and he does it anyway, that's domestic violence. The same thing goes for men who want their asses kicked and for those who don't.
It is also possible to consent at times and at other times not consent. Its acceptability is always a matter of consent.
If this seems too complex for you, stay the fuck out of relationships that involve this kind of behavior at any time.
I'll admit something on the DL that very few people know about me, even among my inner circle.
I am married to two men for several years now. In two different states. Only married to one legally, of course, and the other as "common law". Neither of the families or friends of these men know about the other.
I am able to split my time with them somewhat equitably.
The man I'm married to is a passive, nebbish, physically unappealing PhD. He couldn't dominate a mouse. My private nickname for him is scarecrow.
The man I'm in a common law marriage with is very dominant, sexual, puts me in chokeholds a few times a year with the occasional black eye. He is uneducated, has zero self-esteem, a hot body and handsome face, and barely any brains. We have an amazing time together. I consider him the love of my life.
Actually a lot of controlling dominating men are turned on by dominating women. And men.
Are dominant, macho straight guys or alpha-women really that tough? It's no big afford to maintain self confidence if you've resided on top of the food chain your entire life and you've never experienced any real trauma or hardship.
You should see those alpha-males (or alpha-women), once they hit middle age and they start to deteriorate mentally and physically. Or once they've experienced the horrors of war.
There are a lot of veterans who entered the war thinking they were invincible (after all they were the shit in the microcosm of their highschool and small town) only to return a few years later as wraiths of their former selves, crippled by PTSD, anxiety and misanthropy.
To me people who've been unwanted, unpopular or disabled all their lives, yet manage to make it through without becoming addicts or damaged are considerably more tougher.
And what's so wrong about feeling insecure? It seems natural to me that people feel insecure at times, after all, death, disease and misfortune will happen to all of us sooner or later.
"There are a lot of veterans who entered the war thinking they were invincible (after all they were the shit in the microcosm of their highschool and small town) only to return a few years later as wraiths of their former selves, crippled by PTSD, anxiety and misanthropy."
That's why militaries have always used young males as their foot soldiers, as young as is feasible for their culture.
People who are capable of realism and common sense don't make good soldiers.
End thread hijack
R100 is going to end up DEAD.
Anyone ever watch Bridezillas? I am so shocked how many men in real life let their wives run over them and treat them like shit and don't seem to mind. It is very common.