We celebrated a friend's promotion tonight and my boyfriend got pretty wasted. I just put him to bed, but before he passed out he grabbed my arm and said, and I quote, "I would have no problem destroying you." Then he passed out.
Now I'm all weirded out. I know, get a blog - but isn't that weird?
OP, you in danger gurl...
I am sorry for your troubles, but I have problems of my own.
Are you dating Darth Vader by any chance? I bet he's hot under all that armor.
He probably means your hole.
Sounds like he was practicing his Victoria Grayson impression, but in his drunken state he mixed up the words a little.
Maybe he meant that he'd have no problem fucking you until your ass is destroyed.
Is he bigger than you?
wants to destroy dat ass
Maybe you said something at dinner that quietly pissed him off. Think back.
Sleep with one eye open, gurl!
Has he ever said or put out this kind of vibe before?
I had a bf who would say vile things out of the blue and yes it ended very badly.
Inject him with a heavy dose of sedatives. Tie him to a chair and then cut off both of his hands.
When he comes to -- be sitting across from him and give him your best - "Oh yeah?"
I bet he'll blush deeply and then start cracking up. Boy will you two have a big laugh about it.
Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer...think about it.
A true lover would never say that, especially when he's drunk. For he's stating something he would dare not say to you, because its in his inner mind.
Remember, wherever you go, there you are!
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THEI HOUSE, OP!
It sounds like he doesn't love you. If he blew you off, he wouldn't care.
Since he was wasted OP, I'm gonna say he still thought he was at dinner, had no idea who you were and his inner monologue about the friend's promotion came out which is why he got so wasted in the first place. Your friend should watch his back...or what R10 said.
Tough call. Sometimes when people are drunk they say something they think is funny and assume it will taken as joke and nothing more. And sometimes when people are drunk they say things they really feel but would never say out loud when they are sober. Has he ever said something in the past while sober that was really off the wall but was clearly not meant to be taken seriously?
He's deeply pissed off. Only you know or do not know why.
No, even wasted he knew who you are. If your in a new relationship, still hot and bothered with each other then the others are correct, he wants to destroy that ass.
But if things are going so well, he might be harboring some anger towards you that slipped out.
In that case, he is an ass ready to make your life a lot like this:
It's because you over-cooked the roast, OP. Remember? Two years ago in March?
He's jealous of your friend's promotion, and mistakenly (drunkenly) took his anger out on you.
Or, he wants to rape your friends ass.
I've had a couple of close friends get so drunk they thought I was someone else. I can't remember details but I said something to them that triggered thoughts of someone else and they talked to me as if I were these people.
If I take like 20mgs of Xanax and get drunk, my blacked-out self can do and say weird, funny, and sometimes vicious/threatening thing.
One time (according to my friends) I told a male stripper, "No thanks, I can see a bigger one at home for free." For some reason I was asked to leave the club.
Another time, I stood up through the sunroof and screamed at a cop, "How much, sexy? I'm into uniforms."
Then one time I ended up in the Lohan suite at the hospital. Woopsie!
Was Tyler wearing his trademark Madea outfit when he said it?
Drunk people say all kinds of crazy stuff , OP I wouldn't worry about it.
That would weird me out too, OP, because it's a really fucked up thing to say. Just ask him about it in the morning.
Does he have a mean streak? How long have you been dating?
Please tell us his name isn't Brandon...
Nothing from OP in three hours.
Let the alcoholic fucker wake up to an empty bed..an empty closet..an empty residence and NO boyfriend.
He may subconsciously think he has the ability to destroy you but show him the only thing he's destroyed is the relationship.
OP, if you need me, you know where to find me.
OP hasn't responded.
Your BF is:
a) an alkie
b) a sociopathic alkie
Relax, he was talking to the cockroach on the wall
Not normal thing to say even for a wasted person. Don't confront him but don't blow it off either. Keep your eyes open. He's got big problems and you probably aren't safe. Good luck.
Did he say this with an English accent, while pretending to be standing behind a Plexiglas/elephant-tusk desk while scheming to launch a hostile takeover of Denver-Carrington?
First contrary to popular belief, alcohol is not a truth serum, it makes you irrational. Talk to him about it and explain what a negative impact his comment has had on you. He probably won't remember it, but maybe together if you replay the evening you both can think of what must have prompted him to say that. Maybe he was very envious of your friend who told him an ugly story involving stepping on other people to get where he is.
[quote]First contrary to popular belief, alcohol is not a truth serum, it makes you irrational.
In vino veritas.
I'm just saying it might be a good idea to keep a big knife under your pillow
R39, it does make you irrational, but it also lowers inhibition and that can cause you to say things you feel and think, but wouldn't ordinarily say out loud.
Who here hasn't gotten drunk and told someone you love them - then remembering it the next day and regretting it?
R43: But it was always true, wasn't it?
OP's boyfriend resents (hates?) him...scary. The question is: Why?
OP tell this story to your BF, only make it sound as if its about a friend and his bf. See what response you get.
I'm sorry miss, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own.
I doubt your boyfriend was in any condition to recognize he was talking to you.
Drunks have an internal stream of consciousness that wouldn't make sense to anyone else, not even to themselves when they're sober. Anyone who hears a snippet of that stream will be baffled because there's no context.
OP here, he's pretty hung over this morning and I'm not going to bring it up. I'm sure it was just a drunk thing and I was over-thinking the comments of a man who had a little too much scotch. Thank for the responses, especially the funny ones.
R7, he is bigger than me. I'm 6'0/175 and he's 6'3/225.
r11, Not really. But he is crazy jealous.
r23, perhaps. They're at the same firm, and even though they're good friends, my bf doesn't think the friend does a good job.
r29, he has a temper, but nothing that I care about. We've been together 2 years.
[quote] If I take like 20mgs of Xanax and get drunk,
Honey, if you took 20 mg of Xanax, you wouldn't be conscious enough to get drunk.
I'm think he wanted to destroy your ass.
Are you keeping secrets? Do you feel guilty?
Just ask him when he wakes up but he probably won't remember.
OP, I'd be careful. Are you the Linda Evans in the relationship? His inner Joan Collins is just one slap away from coming out.
[quote]....he has a temper....
Red flag! And why don't you care? He sounds like a big, fat jerk.
Oh, I SO agree with R53. WHEREVER that creepy comment came from, it's not a good place. SUCH an angry, violent thing to say, even in a drunken stupor. I think it would forever sort of change the way I looked at the boyfriend; I would keep that comment in my back pocket. And wait for more.
I agree with r53 and r54.
OP, you've already got some classic warning signs of a potentially dangerous partner. Crazy jealousy is one and a bad temper is another. Although you said his temper doesn't affect you, I'm betting that you've already altered some of your behavior around it. Maybe, you haven't altered it so much that it bothers you yet, but just wait.
And if those red flags weren't enough, that comment is just a blatant one. There is NO reason to say something like that if it isn't a warning or some kind. He's letting you know something and you should listen.
I think you need to be alert and observant. For god sake's listen to your intuition. You wouldn't be posting on here if your intuition wasn't telling you that something is wrong. There is practically no violent or abusive situation that comes without any warning and now you've had a few. The problem is that by the time the violence occurs, the receiver of the violence has already gotten very used to blowing off abnormal behavior that they are dulled to the obvious signals to "get out now".
Sorry if I sound dire, but people get killed by their partners every day.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BOYFRIEND!!!!!!
I think it means rough sex.
Hi OP. I too have a temper. I think that's no big deal, so long as the temper isn't abusive - that is the key. I blow up easily because I have a passionate personality. Everyone who is attracted to passionate people knows there is a plus and a minus. With me, no low blows, no hitting. Just pushy, whiny, and demanding. I aim to be fair, but if I'm not and my partner confronts me, I concede. Is that like your bf? You sound like an even-keel type. Even-keel people create good balance for passionate people, being able to take outbursts in stride.
The crazy jealousy thing could be an issue, especially if it leads to irrational behavior and the person is prone to get physical (I'm not, I just yell and cry).
I strongly disagree with everyone who says keep it to yourself. The way to bliss in relationship is through staying current and transparent about everything. The way to a failed relationship is through keeping things to yourself. The passionate person is capable of intimacy and depth like most are not. You have an opportunity here. Don't squander it.
Tell him what he said and say it makes you feel unsafe. Tell him you can only have a relationship with him if you feel safe. Then be quiet and see what he says. Does he blow it off, or laugh it off to drunkenness? Does he take it seriously? Does he indicate that he wants to make you feel safe? Needing to make you feel safe is crucial. He needs to show that you matter to him, that you feeling comfortable in the relationship is a foundational requirement. If he doesn't answer in a way that feels right, then you really have to sit with that and look at what you're doing with your life and with this person.
The path to deeper intimacy can be uncomfortable briefly, but so worth it. Makes everything better.
R58, I think the OP already doesn't feel safe because of the comment. And some other stuff. So, "bargaining with the devil" really is not smart, is it? Intuition about a person is much more important than tipping your hand. You can't reason with a scorpion. It will always sting you. I suggest NOT talking about it. LISTEN TO PEOPLE. THEY WILL SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. And when they say things. BELIEVE THEM. You don't need to "talk it out" sometimes.
OP are you Matt Bomer?
I don't know why but this made me giggle. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. Maybe you should get some bondage gear, dress up and when he comes home from work be there with all this gear on and your tuchas up in the air. Might do the trick.
R59, I don't think so. I think OP is already comfortable with his partner, and this was a disconcerting anomaly. It's good he's thinking about it and not just blowing it off.
People are quick to jump out of relationships. Too many people don't give themselves, their partners, and their relationships a chance to grow. We're all skittish like deer. Why not see what else is possible with the one you already care about?
Also, I've said and done some crazy things at times. I have lost friends and relationships because of it, when they could have just shared their real feelings and I could have shifted things. Granted, I'm reasonable and not crazy. I don't know if the bf is crazy, but it's worth a shot to believe one's partner is capable of growth.
R58, if you have temper and you blow up easily and you think "that is no big deal," then you get what you get. No WONDER you have lost friends and relationships. "Shifted things" my ass. My motto is "let people show you who they are. In time, they will." All one has to do is wait and watch. Who wants a friend with a "temper?" What the hell is THAT? Being on pins and needles around someone, never feeling completely comfortable and not knowing when they were going to go off about something? Not for me.
By temper I mean I freak out about things easily. I rant about politics, I rant about the driver who nearly made me crash, etc. I don't blow up at friends. Neither do I act like I'm on quaaludes without an emotion or personality. But I've made faux pas and not realized it, because my friends weren't honest enough to confront me.
You're entitled to do as you wish. I like to see humans as works in progress rather than expecting people to be perfect without quirks. If people are willing to grow, I work with them and give them a chance. That's one of the ways I show that I care, by letting them know they were out of line and that doesn't work for me. Which hopefully creates a conversation and mutual understanding. If they prove to be faking it or not interested in improving themselves, those are the people I walk from.
Smother him in his sleep tonight.
6"3, 225? Hot. Stay with him even if it kills you.
R64, okay your explanation makes you sound much more like a NICE person who is just "excitable," shall we say. There is a difference between people like you who are passionate people (the type that friends say about them "Oh, Bob, calm down. And then they turn to someone and say "He GETS like this." with a loving eye roll) vs. true, scary assholes who excuse their own anger and abuse with "It's just how I am. Take it or leave it."
No matter what, if my boyfriend (or ANYONE) said to me, drunk or not, "I would have no problem destroying you," I would be creeped out so much. How DISTURBING is that statement!
OP threatened him first, I'm guessing, but being a borderline doesn't remember what he himself said.
OP, who's the top?
OP, it's over. He knows, you don't. You call him your boyfriend ... ok, but he is not your life. Get out now.
OP I think he means he wants to destroy your ass.
OP, GET OUT OF THERE.
It's pretty clear cut. He coldly threatened you with destruction. He probably feels you flirted too much with the promoted friend or whoever.
OP, I’m a little worried about you. Jealousy mixed with "a bit of a temper" plus him saying such a violent thing equals one night he might accidentally kill you. What more warning sign do you need? CNN just ran an article on the Lauren Astley murder being used as a case example for teens in high schools to look out for one another and be on the watch for early warning signs of domestic abuse and relationship violence. You'd be remiss not to consider this event, on top of the things you've already told us, to be just that.
I would consider ending the relationship or at least addressing these concerns with him (in a public place).
From the dead version of you underneath a pile of rocks
OP, have you confronted your boyfriend about said statement?!
Pillow. Face. Slight pressure. Crisis averted.
Drunk Translation: Sex
In his drunken state he thought you were his REAL boyfriend.
Of course you could always ask him, share your concern, and weep. You're good at that, aren't you?
Everything ok, OP?
OP's boyfriend had no problem destroying him.
Wasn't your boyfriend talking about your friend, the one who got a promotion?
Didn't any of you see OP's post at R49?
Silence from OP. Has he been destroyed?
I think Halle Berry should play the part of OP in "Sleeping with my Destroyer"
You're Bobby Ewing, aren't you? And you've been fucking J.R. all along! I knew it!
No I have not been destroyed.I just never mentioned it to him and we were on vacation and there were no issues. So I'm going to just let it rest and avoid any drama.
There's only one solution: surprise anal.
OP, you are really not very bright if you don't bring this up with him and discuss. But if you don't, you deserve what's coming down the pike.
My boyfriend just told me that his parents hate me and that it would be best if I don't participate in his family events any longer. It has nothing to do with the gay thing, they just don't like me. What kind of people would tell their son that they hate his boyfriend and not to bring him around anymore?
r88, what do you think of the parents? Is this mutual? Are they "hateful" people? Or are you a douche?
OP just wanted a thread of his own, he's good now, all stoked up on drama and attention.
His boyfriend is 5'9", 165 and said "I could destroy a bucket of chicken and it wouldn't bother me a bit". Then he prepared two sandwiches, a glass of milk and a moon pie.
Actually OP I've used those very words when drunk, but I don't remember why or to whom.
r88, please post more info. What is the family like?
He was channeling Alexis Carrington.
Is OP's boyfriend a Scorpio, by chance?
R88 - homophobes
Seeing you two together is worse than just "knowing" he is gay..
I'm sorry R92, I posted and then my power went out. Anyway, I thought they were nice people. Very down to earth, working class folks. I didn't get any weird vibes from them. This whole thing totally came out of the blue. I asked my bf if it was something that I did or said and he said that they just don't like me and that he would have to go solo to his family events from now on. The whole thing is strange.
No R95. They're not homophobes. They've accepting, both of them and his family.
R96 maybe boyfriend is making it up for some reason?
But why, r98? I believe him, but he is very close to his family. So how far can this relationship go if his parents hate me?
What have your interactions been like with his family? It sounds like you aren't telling us the whole story.
A few dinners, one Thanksgiving, a beach trip. That's it r100. I thought they all went well, I guess I was wrong.
It sounds very fishy imo. Do you have another way of checking the accuracy of your bfs statement?
Does he have an ex his family adored? Or is it possible he's thinking of ending things with you and wants to stop bringing you around for that reason, but hasn't found a way to actually end your relationship?
[quote]What kind of people would tell their son that they hate his boyfriend and not to bring him around anymore?
Good question. From what you've said there were no fights and you thought everything was going well. It doesn't add up, does it?
My gut tells me r98 is right.
Why would your partner go along with his parents on this? Wouldn't your partner want to know what their reasons were? Wouldn't he be on your side if they didn't have a good reason?
Maybe he wants an excuse to leave alone so he can cheat on you.
there's someone else/he's on his way out...no one would just decide to not bring his partner to family events anymore without some important reason, or at least have a talk about what to do about it, how to solve it. Ugh, so sorry OP...this doesn't smell right at all.