and I think I'm going be Joan Crawforded in the will...
Besides write a book what do I Do?
Geez sorry OP was your Dad an ass?
OP. Been there. Just relax and wait.
Wow, your pain is doubly bad. Sorry OP. Are you a grounded, strong person in your life already?
For reasons which are well known to you, OP
You are not owed your father's money.
Shouldn't that be Christina Crawforded, OP?
No R6, OP is correct since Joan Crawford did the doing not Christina.
r5 - it's not about the money, it's about the shitty message it give the child. It happened to me and it hurts.
You act like whatever you dont get doesn't mean a thing when you are arround the people that will gloat and be happy to see you upset. You tell your true feelings to your true friends. They will be there for you. Then you come back here and tell us all the dirt on everyone in your family.
My very sorry for your loss, I didn't get much from my dad either, he left me $ but my evil mother took it and gave it to her children (from a previous marriage). Basically, my whole family died. The closest person to me now is my long term partner.
Hang in there OP.
R8 is absolutely correct. If there are siblings that get treated more favorably that sticks he knife in that much deeper. OP if you care to elaborate maybe some could share similar situations and what got them through it (as much as you can get over something like this)
My aunt tried to cut my mom out of her share since she was the trustee of the estate and had my grandmas Power of Attorney mu momcalled her out pretty shitty thing to do
Do NOT bury him in the Pet Semetary.
Its true its not about the money its about one last hurt...
Posting this only proves he was right in doing so.
Let. it. go.
Earn a good living, just like he did.
R1 my dad had 2 faces. Great to the outside world but mean and hatful to immediate family members who didn't comply like me...
Nothing is official. I think my mother gets everything (his wife who I have a great relationship with) but my sister said somehow they are going to bypass that..
Here's my problem. If I don't go to reading of the will and I get nothing he doesn't hurt me. If I don't go and the oft chance I get something do I miss out? I don't want to be present to see a favored child get a higher amount while I get less or nothing. He wouldn't even buy me a gallon of milk so I would be shocked if he gave me more than a dollar. Which is the amount he said he was giving to my sister who he also didn't approve of...
I'm not going to pretend I have a partner or friends to tell my problems to. That's why I post here...
After typing this I have decided to not go to any will reading...
They actually have will readings? I thought it was a dramatic device in movies. I've worked for an estates and trusts lawyer for 25 years and never heard of an actual will reading.
You don't have to attend the reading in order to receive your inheritance. The executor is normally required to inform you of your inheritance and make arrangements to transfer it to you. You may want to research the probate laws of the state you live in.
OP is auditioning to be the new Virginia Andrews ghostwriter.
My advice is to just forget about him since you can't change the past. At least you survived, and you exist, as terrible as he was at least he helped give you that.
I definitely think a lot of people can relate to knowing someone who is nice to strangers, but terrible to everyone actually in their life. A lot of people probably thought my dad was nice, he sure wasn't.
I have no interest in other people's things. I have what is mine and that is enough for me.
Yep....happened to me...there were dueling wills. I was in one not the other.
I could have fought and had it gone to mediation. I was so emotionally distraught by the whole circumstance that I just couldn't go through with it.
It wasn't a great sum of money,but I had helped everyone in my family ...some to a great extent. Friends couldn't believe how generous I had been and thought my siblings were mainly just jealous because my partner and I had worked hard and been frugal all our lives.
My mother was a mean and misguided woamn...she put one sibling in as her what is it guardian...and the poor thing never got any pain medication while she was dying of cancer...very complicated story of other siblings sung siblings in court...two atty's in family.
Hollywood could get a full miniseries out of it.
Upshot ...I only speak to one sibling out of five..it has alterted my life since I invested so much of myself in my extednded family. Now I have so very few people I am engaged with....I have lost the desire to care anymore.
Can I have his stuff? I don't have any stuff and I look around and think, hey, where is MY stuff? How come I don't have any stuff? Everyone has stuff except for me! What about me? What about me??
So, can I have his stuff?
Sorry to hear that OP. I'm sending you a hug.:)
Sadly OP lives in the USA (we presume) where English law governs.
Had OP been fortunate enough to have been born in Europe, where Roman Law and Napoleanic Code governs, her father's stash would be divided more or less this way:
half immediately to all natural children with more going to the eldest son.
half to the wife.
OP, your description of your father (mine was like that, too) reminds me of a German expression I read about in the late (1996!) Herb Caen's column (SF columnist, if you are anywhere near my age (OLD) or well-informed, you might have heard of him). I can't remember the German phrase (any German-speakers present?) but roughly translated it meant:
"Street angel, house devil."
I'm sorry for your loss and the beyond-the-grave-sounding spitefulness. If other family members try to lord it over you, maybe tell them, you make your OWN money.
It gives you an excuse to erase him. Never mention him, never visit his grave.
Relatives are just people we're more related to than others.
R27, that describes my (deceased) father perfectly. My cousins were all, "Oh, your father was such a great guy, blah, blah, blah."
Great. You loved him so much. You can do all the pallbearer and speaking about him crap at the funeral. I wish I hadn't even gone.
Money isn't everything
This is why being an only child, and having all of the relevant documents including the living trust paperwork, and the deeds to the houses, in your possession, is IMPERATIVE!
It's not at all unusual to leave your entire estate to your spouse. The estate might not even go through probate if everything was owned jointly with the spouse. My father didn't leave me any money; he left it to my mother. When she died 30 years later, I got the money. It's pretty standard. Where you get into a will contest situation is when a parent remarries and leaves their money to the evil step-parent rather than the kids or when a widowed or divorced parent cuts a child out of the will. But if the parent has a surviving spouse, as in OP's case, and the surviving spouse is OP's mother, I don't see what the fuss is about.
Are you even grieving at all that your dad's dead? You seem more concerned with whether or not you have an inheritance.
I'm with R14.
OP I've posted several posts on this topic in the past.
Here's my sordid story. My father disowned me years ago. He was a horrible father; emotionally, physically and sexual abusive. He tried multiple times to rape my sister when she was 16. She use to run and sleep in the car to escape him. He use to beat my mother senseless. Surprised we actually lived through it. This was back in the very early 70s/late60s.
In 1973 my mother finally divorced the asshole. I was the youngest and went to go live with my mom. My older brother went into ypte army and my sister moved out and lived on her own with a roommate.
By the early 80s, my sister started to talk and become friendly with dear old dad. She had any counseling, so I'm wasnt sure what the motivation was at the time.
My sister got married a couple of times, had a couple of kids and became thick as thieves with dad and his girlfriend. Her husband left her in the early 90s and she became even closer to Dad/girlfriend.
My brother was always was the favorite son (te Golden child) was rewarded with lots of $$$. Dad was wealthy. Sister also went to that well often
Faster forward to 2010. Dad is in his 80s, has a car accident and signs over his house deed to my siste (forget what it's actually called). The home is worth $1 million Dad wants house back. Lots of fights ensue with dad ad. girlfriend.
Oh, dad gave brother $100,000 to help him out after he got out of jail for animal abuse.....father sues sister and takes her to court. Sister now hates father ad won't give the house.
I do feel sympathy for my sister (not my brother) cause I know she's been through a lot of shit, but my feeling is when she sells the home she should divide the proceeds 1/3 each between the 3 kids. Just fair and square.
There's a lot more to my story.... But to net iit out: I' feel your pain, OP
( it felt good to get that all out)
I'm sure you have heard this before r33 but people grieve in different ways...
I think I'm slowly making peace with him. Maybe he is at a place where his meanness has been cured and he is proud of me..
So much bad has happened recently I don't even want to get into...
My mother is mentally ill but sharp as a tack but I don't want the money. I want my mother deliriously happy for the next 20 years...
[quote]"Street angel, house devil."
My neighbor was like that. He was a raging alcoholic who beat his wife and kids at home, but one of the most popular guys in town when he was out in public.
When the truth came out, no one could believe he was an alcoholic, they all said, "Jim never had a drinking problem. He would stop in after work, but he never had more than a couple cocktails."
It was fun to watch the penny drop when they did the math and realized that, while he never had more than a couple drinks in any one bar, he stopped at every fucking bar in town between his office and home.