Independence Day is June 10, 1922 - and is a national holiday.
Retirement age is 30 - when all senior citizen benefits kick-in and you are placed in a walled compound so no one can look at you.
The air is actually scented with cookies.
The patron saint is Allan Carr.
The president is a Blatino husbear.
The fashion industry has the most powerful lobbyists.
The Caftania national anthem. "Express Yourself", is lip synched by a drag queen before every ice skating competition.
The police all wear jockstraps and tear-away pants.
Whoever lives there, I hope it doesn't have internet connection. Of course, that would be another nail in the DL coffin.
Cheryl is the Secretary of Stank.
All worship at the feet of Saint Merv (Griffin).
I think that would be your coffin, r7.
Andre Leon Talley is now free to take up the Secretariat of Swirl.
The Home Depot has only bears working there. The garden department stocks only roses and geraniums.
It probably looks a lot like Palm Springs, California.
Caftania maintains its record for the volume of mail sent to US Prisons. (This mail incidentally is written in careful cursive, which sometimes loses its poise.)
Non-Death Row cagemeat has been known to visit Caftania, and occasionally to settle. (There's a steady demand for new houseboys.) Such visits don't always end regrettably.
The only comic strips are Garfield, Cathy, and Rose Is Rose.
Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.
Trade embargo with Canada in response to that nation's new ban on poppers.
R17, don't forget the ferns.
There are lots of comely young nephews. LOTS.
The Municipal Library has the world holdings of In Touch & After Dark magazine; plus signed copies of The Lord Won't Mind (some pages stuck), The Front Runner, The Charioteer, Crocodile Of Choirboys, and The Wonderful World Of Liberace.
Caftania is home to the foremost Judy Garland Museum in the world. Though now slightly shabby, it is well-loved, and staffed by volunteers.
Liza has often been invited, and has never ruled out a viewing, so hopes remain high that (while there's still time) one day she will.
If that day comes, it will be akin to a Papal visit: one of the greatest moments in Caftania's proud history.
The loyal opposition are the Muumuus.
On the national mall the most popular spots are the National Museum of Earring History and the National Dildo Museum. Nearby, the Washington Monument looks familiar, but a little different.
Caftania enjoys harmonious relations with most Asian countries.
Plans in Caftania are advanced with a view to hosting an international diving competition.
The diving will take place in various private pools during the early stages, though discussions as to the grand finale venue are not yet resolved.
It is confidently hoped that the good people at Virginia Slims will sponsor this event, thereby promoting interest, prestige and visibility for all concerned.
Given the cool breeze off the pool, one hopes Blackglama will be a co-sponsor. And What Becomes A Legend Most? A full length man mink contrasted with a funky paisley print of course -- and perhaps a silky tuft of silverfox peeping from the neckline! Did someone say FOX? One can almost hear the hounds baying!
When the lights go down in Caftania, nothing makes an After-5 muu muu swish so seductively as when you grab your nephew from the cabana, turn up the quadraphonic sound, and waddle to the pool deck for The Bump and The Hustle...
The National Anthem:
I like to be in Caftania,
Oh-Gay by me in Caftania,
It's a Who's Who in Caftania,
Everything "ooh!" in Caftania!
[quote] Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.
Caftania has the highest number of customers, per postal code, that order from the Franklin Mint. Also from Beanie Babies and American Girl.
Very rich - with naked twinks leaping everywhere to snatch the money out of their hands...
Opinions in Caftania on Edward Snowden, should he seek its safe haven, are rather divided.
On the one hand, no-one wants to upset Uncle Sam at this delicate time in history. (Many Caftanians have reason to be grateful for lenience and a discreet exit from the Motherland. Much, they assume, remains on file.)
On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.
At present a compromise is gaining ground: the spirited young man could remain for the summer, but then be asked to move on, no questions asked.
They are in a constant state of war with the Muscle Republic of Steroidistan.
Please, R29. . The national anthem is Over the Rainbow.
Huge controversy over the opening of the "Tom Bianchi Home For Wayward Soul Mates."
Most Caftanians think it is tacky and reflects poorly on the homeland.
Every citizen is issued two pairs of terry cloth open-toed slippers; one is used for everyday, and displays well-worn dirt marks and are worn outside to get the mail, and the other is for inside only and for "company."
When the company slip-ons are worn the every-day slip-ons go under the couch.
Orange and cream patterned hand towels are folded in thirds and hung over matching orange and cream patterned bath towels - all cotton-poly blends - in the bathroom, with a matching orange poly shag bath rug and toilet seat cover.
The first shelf of the refrigerator houses a 12-pack of RC Cola in the can.
[quote]On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.
Au contraire! (That's your authentic cocktail hour french.)
The role of young men in Caftania at dinner, like a spread of dew-dappled early summer peonies, is to provide table decoration only! They are naturally expected to remain silent until they have learnt (by careful study of their elders at the top of the table) how to properly shape an anecdote and frame a bon mot. (More delicious francais! We feel QUITE Marie Antionette ce soir!)
I am the King of Caftania! Bring my earrings, NOW!
\tMeanwhile.....\tPrincipessa Bonmeni puffs pretentiously from an elongated cigarette holder and utters sideways compliments such as; " I've heard such interesting things about you "... " your winter weight really looks good on you, even though it is June" ...
Caftania's art-house cinema is defiant in nurturing its old prints of the screen goddesses known well to DataLounge.
Blu-Ray on widescreen Caftanians can get at home; but nothing beats the nostalgia buzz of Bette, Joan, Judy, Barbra et al projected larger than life - as they deserve, as they demand - on to the big screen, in all their unrestored non-digital glory.
Smoking and drinking while viewing are not only permitted but de rigueur. It's all so thrillingly reminiscent of those carefree long afternoons - triple-bills on good days - when otherwise dead hours before the bars became lively again were filled with fun.
Lucille Ball and The Golden Girls are ALWAYS on in prime time on Caftania Cable.
After 11 pm those decadent reruns of Dynasty and Designing Women kick in.
And , please r37, they learn how to properly use a knife, fork and serviette.
Mamma's Mussy is a restaurant in Caftania.
r43, brings a whole new meaning to Creme Brulee...
The prison is in a transparent glass building.
Gives new meaning to the term "cagemeat."