as I get older, I have fewer friends and in fact they aren't all that important (like when I was younger)
Do you want me to blather on about how my friends are everything, absolutely everything to me, don't you, OP? About how I couldn't go on without my wonderful support network of dear, dear friends who enrich my life in countless ways every day? About how I would do anything for my friends, and they likewise for me...anything.
Too bad, because that's a wild exaggeration.
Not much, have kicked a few to the curb and have also been kicked to the curb.
Later in life is when you figure out just how little friendships mean.
The person I was a convenience to for 10 years. Always about her. I was available for talk, lunch, finding her items she needed at a cheap price [that's what I do),
One time, I declined going out of town to a holiday dinner at a restaurant in the boonies. Never spoke to me again. I was her friend, she was never mine.
[quote]Do you want me to blather on about how my friends are everything, absolutely everything to me, don't you, OP? About how I couldn't go on without my wonderful support network of dear, dear friends who enrich my life in countless ways every day? About how I would do anything for my friends, and they likewise for me...anything.
You're a sad individual, R5.
Why did my friends come up in your therapy session, OP? Do you and your therapist regularly discuss me and my friends? What do you say about us? Why?
I love my friends and am so grateful to have them in my life.
Way to let the side down, R9.
I think most people find as the years go by, the friend list gets pared down. As I got older, I got rid of a lot of dead weight friends, like R6 writes about where it's always about them and never you. I dropped several "friends" who were like that.
Most of my good friends with the exception of one live in other states. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but when we see each other it's like no time has passed.
I think you also redefine what is a friend as you get older. I have several acquaintances in the city I now live that I see from time to time. I probably would have called them friends in my 20s. They tide me over until I can see my really good friends.
I traded most of my friends in for YouTube videos.
I can shut off YouTube when I am sick of it. I couldn't do that with friends.
As I've gotten older, I realized that most of my "friendships" are very superficial. I have a couple of good friends but unfortunately they live far from me. It would be nice to have more good friends in my life but it's hard to find loyal friends.
i'm 22 and i think there are no friends in life in general.people hang with you if they want something -sex,contacts,if you're cool...
i grew up poor and gay,can honestly say i never had a friend that i can call REAL.
if anyone ever invites me out it all ends the same way-peeps scoring off me:i have a car and you don't,i have a diploma you don't (dropped out of school several times due to poverty/bullying) and so on.
everyone just wants to ''add'' you to score-my friend is a lawyer ,doctor etc.
i think i realized how lonely i was when needed like 500 bucks desperately-almost life or death-and had to borrow in those shark loans like fifty percent interest in a month.
it's expensive to be poor.every time i trusted people they let me down,older gay guys are the worst-pretend they care,then when you don't suck-drop you off just like that.it's not like i asked them money,just to be friends.
you are on your own,trust me,when a problem knocks on your door,you'll see you have no one
I love my friends dearly they are the relationships I always turn to when I am having problems and friendships have always been some of the most important relationships in my life.
I personally can't imagine going through life without good friends.
Jason Robert Brown knows what it means to be a friend, which begs the question, why is he such an asshole?"
this video talks about all this gay ''community'' and ''friends'' you can get there
LOL what a sham
I have a couple of good friends. Meh to the family.
They make me feel loved and special and safe. I'm pretty selective and don't have superficial friendships. I save all my energy for the people I'm truly kindred spirits with.
My best girl friend lives next door and my best guy friend just moved in to my spare room downstairs...its heaven having the people you love and who make you feel like a gift from God close by.
Good video, R17 R18.
The video linked at R17 and R18 certainly doesn't get better. What a pile of claptrap.
People who commit crimes of violence shouldn't be sentenced to jail because that only "strengthens the military-industrial complex". Fucking idiot. When every fucking subatomic particle is a conservative conspiracy, then nothing is a fucking conservative conspiracy.
he was talking about ''hate crime'' legislation,not violence.
this legislation is iffy cause it is very vague...like terrorism.
hate crime legislation is part of fascist state corporate dictatorship which includes military industrial and prison complex in which prisoners perform free labor.
research it,they pay them peanuts and the profit is sky high
Nonsense R17. Hate crimes legislation is good.
I think all of you who disdain the idea of friendship are signing up for poverty because friends who will help you in these uncertain economic times are necessary because who you know is more important to success now than at any time since robber baron days. If you think it won't happen to you, you are sadly naive, and that you would willingly abet that by eschewing organization means you will be a victim the rest of your life. Organizing with others is a survival necessity now and in the future, and your failure to embrace that will cause some of you to starve, die without health insurance, or kill yourselves.
'' all of you who disdain the idea of friendship are signing up for poverty''
dude,but i am poor and gay,nobody wants to help in any way,it's impossible to network when you are a poor ugly fag like me,for exactly the reason you mentioned-it's all about getting smt out of it
other rich gays are busy enjoying life,there is no gay network and if you are a poor fag ur screwed cause all network is straight...
noone's arguing with you that it is convenient to have friends
and how is hate crime legislation good?
My friends, I treat them like brothers. Most white people just use their 'friends', and typically these are mutually valuable commercial 'friendships', not real friendships.
I'm glad I'm not like most white people, even though I'm whiter than most, in terms of ethnicity and skin tone.
R24 and dude i dunno what kind of friends you have,but i know guys who were homeless and there was literally no one there to take them in...
one was a hot 18 year old,but he found a rich guy in germany if i'm not mistaken...
i think you are exaggerating the friendship importance...maybe family friends or smt like that...but i think you would find that there will be no one there when you are in the streets
the only real support is family in these occasions,i think us gays are screwed in these situations as so many don't have any relatives/husband to fall back onto
and gay young men homeless statistics is holocaustalitious
i laugh at the ''gay'' ''rights'' movement
it's just for rich people
We're talking about Facebook friends, right?
you are right,ppl use ''friends'' but this is not a new development,it's just naive young idiots discover this to be true.like me.
i dunno why did i believe in people so much,but i think that i am done looking for friends and try to get going on my own
[quote] he was talking about 'hate crime' legislation,not violence... research it,they pay them peanuts and the profit is sky high
Nonsense, R17/R23. I have very mixed opinions on the need for hate crime legislation, but no hesitation at all about severe punishment for people who commit violent crimes against others.
How about you research what it takes to land in jail for a "hate crime". You'll find that the prison work yards are not brimming over with people whose highest crime was to have shouted "fag" out of a car window. Whatever you would believe about people being harvested from the streets for no reason other than to make license plates and dollars for The Man, you'd have a difficult time indeed demonstrating that those people are alleged perpetrators of hate crimes that did not involve violence -- serious violence.
Laissez les soap threads rouler.
At the ripe old age of 56, I've come to the conclusion that friendships are overrated.
R30 most of them are in jail for drug thing a.k.a. nonsense
violence must face jail,no question
hate crime legislation: promotion of fascist state
no one cares to protect us,do you honestly believe they care about fags?
it's an excuse to take away human rights.a scam
Why ask this on DL? No one here has friends.
My exes are some of my best friends.
My only friends are single. All the coupled ones dumped me so to them I say effffffffffffffff uuuuuuuu
Same here, R36. A lot of people don't understand it and think it's weird but I've never had a really bad breakup so we were always able to remain friends.
When you lump all of your friends together, it leads to unrealistic expectations and then disappointment.
Remember: you don't have a staff of writers to turn every hang-out situation into a roundtable event.
You have "HI/BYE" friends who are worthy of greetings if you happen to share the same physical space. Those friendships come and go without drama.
They share the same function as work friends. Usually these friendships end when one of you terminates employment.
You have social friends who share common interests. Those friendships wither as interests change, but they are great while they last.
You have war buddies who have experienced life with you. Distance and other pursuits might end those friendships and you mourn their loss.
The real lesson is that friendships die. You cans split your time worrying about death and then wander in mourning without hope or you can enjoy what transpired without being such a bitch about it.
[R29], I agree that from time to time, we all 'use' our friends, call in favors, do favors, etc.
Actually, I appreciate your post because now I'm confused, lol - I thought I knew what friendship is, but now I'm not sure I was right. Gotta think a little bit about it. Thanks.
[quote] You have war buddies who have experienced life with you. Distance and other pursuits might end those friendships and you mourn their loss.
I have a friend I have known since I was 3 years old. I had other friends that I have been close to for 20 years.
Many of these people helped me through what happened when my partner of 14 years cheated on me and I decided to end the relationship.
I am 4 years past the breakup and I can honestly say that I would not be here but for friends. These people I consider my closest friends - well, they did stuff such as ask me if it was okay to remain FB friends with my ex etc. (I said it was okay, but they would have punched and deleted if I had asked them to). Very close old friends - about 7.
Mutual couple friends: I lost at least 7 mutual friends from the breakup whom I would be amicable with if we ran into each other but who "sided" with my partner; my partner lost around the same amount who "sided" with me; and we share custody (don't ask, don't tell) with only 3 50/50 mutual friends now. Very close mutual friends with some baggage: 3
Sub-total - 10 very close old friends whom I trust.
I also have at least 10 more new friends (not as close, but a few are inching that way) in my life since the break-up and I am sure my ex does too.
Total - let's say 13 close friends.
I love them all. I would do anything (and I do) for my old friends, because they did everything for me. I consider them family.
I agree that as we age friends tend to fall away, but recently with a knee replacement operation I found a few close friends who took care of me for 6 weeks--one in Jersey City where I lived for 5 weeks pretty much helpless, and a couple of others who were more than willing to come out there and see me, run errands etc. I felt lucky to have anyone to take care of me and was amazed that so many were there for me. Facebook friends are just ego maniacs for the most part posting their pics of recent vacations to exotic locales, and none of the people who took care of me are even on Facebook. I also havve a theory that as we age our older friends fall away because they don't want us to see how bad they look (I use that one myself).
6,000 cunt points for R39, who obviously took her cunt pill, ate cunt for breakfast, and washed it all down with essence of cunt fart this morning.
Well, clearly, R39, you have no woman friends.
And R39 -- though I think you really meant R43 -- needs woman friends [italic]why[/italic]?
They are the humans whom I have weeded out as the least annoying in my vicinity.
Agree that as I have gotten older my list of friends has decreased. I think in part because some never moved out of their 20's - the constant need to party. Some just in part to either their or my relocating and long distance friendships are hard to sustain.
The friends I had in younger years - through high school - fell apart once we all went off to different colleges or got jobs. Same cycle repeated with friendships made in college.
Friendships created from a workplace seem to dwindle once you or they move on to another job.
I have one friend that I am still in contact from a job I started in 1983. But, he is straight, with a family so our lifestyles greatly differ and we rarely see each other ... though we talk on the phone often.
The latest group of friend that I have and do see on a fairly regular basis all stem from my last job. For whatever reason we all grew very close, very fast. And it is a vastly different group - young, old, married, single, kids, no kids.
As I get older I find I value my time with my partner or myself more than spending it with a group.
First and foremost, be a friend to yourself. Don't worry, be happy!
You have to be a friend to have a friend.
Every now and then my wife and I would say "we need more new friends"
Keeps things lively.
Why are people so obsessed with relationships? It's like all they think about: who's pissed at them, who they're pissed with; who they're dating, used to date or want to date. Who smiled at them in the hall today. And all that phone jabbering and texting.
It's totally foreign to me.
At what point do you realize it was all fake and superficial, and a total waste of energy?
My friends mean a lot to me. I don't have tons of them because you can't have that many really good friends. I have a partner but also have four really good friends. The common link is mutuality: my friendship is important to them and no one person has to make all the arrangements for getting together, etc.