Tacky lesbian couple bitches about a wedding gift they didn't like.

[quote]They’ve never been to a wedding where guests didn’t give cash.

I've never been to a wedding where they have.

Holy shit. There are people who think gifts of cash are expected to defer the cost of the wedding reception?!

For their first anniversary, send them a gift certificate for MichFest.

Sounds like the dyke bride has some rage issues she needs to get taken care of. I predict she and her Croatian wife will be divorced within 2 years most likely after the bitch Italian dyke is accused of spousal abuse.

Good Lord, they all deserve each other. Did you look at the pic of the "gift basket"? Jolly Ranchers? Of course the horrible bride is worse, but not by much.

The brides are idiots and should get a punch and delete.

However, who gives Fluff as a wedding gift? That is seriously tacky.

The gift sounds just awful, but the newlywed's reaction was worse.

The gift was tacky. But the brides' reaction was worse.

Instead of an invitation, the couple could have sent out a statement of boundaries.

The basket was tacky but I guess the guest wanted to match the gift with the recipients.

One of the brides is "gluten intolerant".

That tells me everything I need to know about those two. Punch and delete.

The rule is the cost of dinner times 2 for the gift.

Fancy? They went to Loblaws and loaded up on the Premium Brand President's Choice stuff.

If they didn't want to spend 35k they shouldn't have gotten married. I hate the idea that guests are supposed to subsidize the wedding with cash. As far as I'm concerned, I don't owe you ANYTHING just because you decided to get married. You're lucky to get gifts, period.

I thought the gift was fine and much more thoughtful than just forking over cash. I can't believe some of you are siding with the brides.

I got (to my surprise) an invite to the wedding of a particularly bitchy Sicilian colleague many years ago. I bought her a very nice gift - she had nothing but ultra-expensive items on her Wedding List. When I got to the wedding, they were selling off bits cut off the groom's tie and covering him in money. OK, I might have given something if they cut off other bits. Bitchy colleague took me to task cause I didn't give her any money in addition to my overly generous gift.

The bitch had been putting together her trousseau since she hit puberty and married the first Sicilian she met who was willing to marry her.

She had a mentally handicapped older sister who was her personal maid. She'd call her up from work to make sure she'd scrubbed out the toilets, ironed her clothes, etc. I hope the sister eventually slit her throat.

[quote]You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

Because that is the kind of reception YOU chose to have. It isn't a privilege to attend a wedding - 9 times out of 10 its a fucking chore.

Serves them right for registering at 7-11.

There's a RULE R12? How the hell are you supposed to know the cost of the fucking dinner?

[quote]The rule is the cost of dinner times 2 for the gift.

There is no such rule. Gifts are never mandatory. You're supposed to (pretend to) be completely surprised and delighted that a guest has chosen to give you a gift at all.

An invitation to a wedding is not a call for presents, and a gift is not a ticket to the event.

(How would you even know the cost of the dinner in the first place?)

If you click through to the article and look at the contents of the gift basket in question - it's atrocious.

Granted, I would have never confronted them about it.

Although I would have absolutely taken a photo of it and shared it with friends with a droll comment.

It's ridiculous, tacky and out and out hilarious comment on the gift givers.

[quote]You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

How do you eat a venue?

Lesbians, R18 - of COURSE there are rules.

[quote]Gifts are never mandatory. You're supposed to (pretend to) be completely surprised and delighted that a guest has chosen to give you a gift at all.

^As a corollary, giving any instructions or direction about what kind of gift you'd prefer to receive -- registering at a store, saying "please donate to [...] in lieu of gifts", saying "no gifts, please" at all -- is appallingly vulgar and incorrect.

If you get a gift, express gratitude, and follow up with a hand-written thank-you letter.

This is just the desperation of people living outside their means.

[quote]The rule is the cost of dinner times 2 for the gift.

That's absurd. How are the guests supposed to know how much the dinner is going to cost? In this case, if the bridezilla is to be believed, she expected a $400 gift (or wad of cash) from this couple. From a CASUAL ACQUAINTANCE!

That's ridiculous.

Should have included a nut loaf.

[quote]The rule is the cost of dinner times 2 for the gift.

Does the greedy couple include the cost of the dinner on the wedding invitation so that the guests will know how much they are being charged to attend?

No culture worthy of the name expects that the sharing of a wedding day is a transactional occurrence. The cunt defames Italians and Croatians, since her and her spouse's actual culture appear to be "trashland."

The gift was, indeed, tacky. One does not present foodstuffs as a wedding gift, unless it is from a personal understanding or involves good champagne and caviar for the wedding night or honeymoon. However, this lapse of taste is of a completely different scale and scope from what the horrid bride presented.

Not only would anyone receiving such a note need to punch and delete, it is a serious enough offense that anyone hearing of it would justifiably choose to avoid these two cunts for the duration of their four-month marriage, and beyond. Because people capable of this have both bad and unsuccessful relationships.

Of course, weddees do think this way. Idiots. I once received an invitation that actually said, "The pleasure of your presents is requested...." Christ almighty.

The more I read about weddings, the more I think only crazy people get married. I mean, yeah, Marshmallow Fluff, bags of chips and Jolly Rancher candy are probably the tackiest wedding gifts I've ever heard of, but for the bridezillas to react this extremely is even more insane.

This is a lovely story in which the wedding couple and guest were equally heinous.

[quote]Weddings are to make money for your future

Silly me. I thought weddings were to celebrate two people finding love and starting a new life together.

[quote]I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate

[quote]She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests

34000 divided by 210 does not equal 200. So either she is lying or she is retarded.

The gift-givers probably assumed that a lesbian wedding would include a pot-luck dinner reception at which their gift basket would have been welcome.

Now that gay weddings have been made legal, Lesbians threaten to take away the title of World's Biggest Cheapskates from the Scottish.

[quote]"You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

That must be one real big-boned gal. Them venues is hard to swallow.

[quote]34000 divided by 210 does not equal 200. So either she is lying or she is retarded.

The 200 applies to the dinner costs alone. There are many other expenses NONE of which (including the dinner) the guests are obligated to pay for. That's why they're called guests and not sponsors or donors.

R34 Feeding 210 people at $200 bucks each would be $42000. Yet she is saying that the whole wedding was less than that.

If they couldn't afford to pay for the reception, they shouldn't have had one. I've known people who didn't have much money who opted for a very simple wedding.

Monetary gifts may be appreciated, but they should never be expected or mandatory. Italians and Croatians may have a tradition of large cash wedding gifts, but I can't imagine why anyone would think you can impose your cultural norms on your wedding guests.

I read the article and was unable to find any mention of the relationship that existed between the guests and the newlyweds. It sounds as if they barely knew each other, and that makes me wonder if Bridezilla was scraping the bottom of the acquaintance barrel for paying guests.

Having said all of that, the food basket was downright tacky.

My parents didn't get any wedding gifts.

But then, they didn't have a wedding reception.

They got married at a church, invited people to the ceremony and that was that. They stopped off at a photography studio after the wedding and had a portrait taken.

My father's mother made dinner at her home and my parents and my mother's parents ate dinner there. The end.

Each dinner cost $100, according to the article. $200 is the cost of feeding the gift giver and her date.

[quote]I lost out on $200 covering you and your date's plate.

[quote]I can't imagine why anyone would think you can impose your cultural norms on your wedding guests.

Not to mention that I suspect a same sex marriage isn't exactly within those particular cultural norms.

If you can't follow the rules about gift giving, why even go? In most places you give a gift. In place north of Maryland you give cash and it's 2 x the cost of the dinner.

That too, R39.

R38 Thanks, now that makes more sense.

And a wedding where it was ONLY $100 per plate and had an open bar? Where did she host it? In the last rows of a Greyhound bus?

If the gift basket had contained bread pudding and baked potatoes, everything would have been fine.

[quote] basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more

"Fancy salsas"?

Is that, like, beluga caviar salsa?

Matsutake mushroom salsa?

Serious question R40 R12: do people who honor this rule, and hope you honor this rule, send a per-person cost breakdown with the invite, or do you only get one after you've riz-vipped?

Attended a lesbian wedding several years ago. Both were in their 40's, each had a home that was fully furnished, etc. Both made well into the 6 figures.

As a gift we gave a really beautiful Chinese wedding basket I found in an antique store. It was made of wood, carved & painted with blossoms and other floral designs. The basket itself cost close to $100. These baskets separate into compartments. We filled each one with something different - really nice linens, some snacks that we knew both liked (not Jolly Rancher kind of crap) and then sensual items like oils, bath beads, etc. Total cost probably ran close to $250.

It was a big hit. Not just for the contents but because it was a decorative item that they could continue to display & use in the future.

The basket referred to in the article was just awful. But the recipients reaction was plain rude & horrible.

I wasn't aware there were rules about gift-giving, R40. According to the linked article and comments in the thread, other posters didn't know the rules either.

Has Star Jones commented yet?

[quote]If you can't follow the rules about gift giving, why even go?

There are no rules of gift giving, dumbass. There are cultural norms, but there are no rules.

[quote]In most places you give a gift.

Agreed. And what's what this couple did. They gave a very tacky gift, but they gave a gift.

[quote]In place north of Maryland you give cash and it's 2 x the cost of the dinner.

Total BS. Something you just made up.

Again, how is the guest supposed to know what the dinner cost?

I believe that the average cost of feeding a guest is about $50-100. I'm not wealthy, so I usually give about $50 if it's a not-so-close friend or a distant relative and about $100 for a close relative or friend.

No matter, both parties in this article deserve each other. I would rather not give anything at all than give that "food basket" gift.

R46 That sounds like a really nice gift, but most important, it was thoughtful.

How does one find out the cost of the dinner? Ask the bride? To ask is extremely tacky and to tell even more tacky. Do you demand a receipt? Etiquette dictates that one should always RSVP to an invitation but giving a gift, while quite generous and is often the norm, is never expected. The reception is the bride and groom sharing their love with their family and friends...

[quote]If you can't follow the rules about gift giving, why even go?

There are NO RULES of gift giving. Period.

The rule is you should only have a reception you can afford to pay for with no thought of any material recompense whatsoever from any of your guests.

That's a beautiful gift, R46. Would you like to come to my wedding?

Or bride and bride, as the case may be...

If I'm going to pay $100 for my dinner, I'll opt to go to a restaurant.

I'm Italian-American, we give cash. Having said that, weddings have gotten insane. I turn down every invitation unless it's a very close relative or extremely close friend. My co-worker is getting married soon. She's a very nice, naive girl. When she was looking at venues, she would say things like "it's $150 a person, but we'll get it back, most of my friends have been to weddings there and they know how much it costs so they'll give the right amount". huh??? Why should I be expected to cover expenses so that you could pretend like you're a Kardashian??

My partner and I eloped, and a major reason why is because wedding culture has turned into SUCH a turn off. Call me corny, but it's supposed to be about love, not who can throw the biggest bash.

One of my best friends got married last year, and I recently found out that she contacted two people (mutual friends) who RSVP'd NO to the wedding, and asked them when they would be able to give them her gift. She told them she would be in their area later that week and she could stop by and pick it up. She also reminded one of them that her parents had spent $150 a plate. keep in mind, these people did NOT attend the wedding. I swear to GOD I'm not making that up. I know that good etiquette says we should send a gift even if we don't attend, but really? You ASKED them for a gift?? This girl has zero class, and we're actually not even friends anymore because I called her out on it (and we were friends for 25 years).

The gift was most likely a "Shit, I forgot about the wedding, let's grab this on the way there" kinda gift.

But how freaking rude of the bride to be so nasty.

Damn, the companies that make toasters must be going out of business.

I want to thank all four of you tacky wedding bitches for taking the attention off us trannies.

Anyone who gives big expensive wedding...they are stupid assholes. A $34 thousand dollar party? Revolting. They deserve a kick in the head, not presents. How stupid are Americans?

The gift giver can't have been that close with Laura the Lesbian, or she would have known rule number one:

DYKES.

ARE.

CHEAP.

And its perhaps more widely known corollary: Dykes don't tip.

Weddings are such a fucked up enterprise, anyway. My partner and I have been engaged for six months, but the idea of planning a wedding is about as appealing to him as dental work, and I don't blame him.

I just want 20-30 friends to show up and be there for us, and yes, we'll treat them to a nice dinner. I can't imagine inviting someone on the basis of how much they'll give you as a gift. How utterly mercenary.

From the comments at linked story:

Karlin2T offers sums it up tidily in one word:

[quote]lesbians

In my opinion, you give cash at a wedding but still, I am completely over these ridiculously, overly expensive weddings. They are simply ego driven silly extravaganzas. Just a stupid waste of money, trying to keep up with the Joneses.

$34k is nothing, my coworker's wedding is about 50k. She's 23 years old and already has a ton of debt. Now she gets to start her married life in even MORE debt.

Stupid stupid stupid.

I have another friend who spent almost 100k on his weddings. Yes, weddingS. They got married in Mexico and had a big ceremony and reception, then had another big ceremony and reception in their hometown. The photographer alone cost about 25k, because they flew him to Mexico and covered all expenses. He took out money on his house just to pay for it. Why would you do that to yourself?

As I said, my partner and I eloped, but if we were to have a ceremony, we would have had something simple for about 30 people in a vineyard or something. We're not rich and neither are our friends and family.

Thousands of jazz-handed assholes hoofing down the aisle on Youtube and our lesbian newlyweds didn't expect at least one hipster gift?

This is a facebook EST. Too easy: hits lesbians, Croatians, and Italians without providing anything of substance.

I was a bit astounded when I traveled to Pennsylvania for my first Polish wedding. At the time I had never heard of a cash wedding gift. I knew my father had slipped money to a couple who were getting married and needed it, but it was done discreetly and certainly not at the wedding itself.

So here I was in East McKeesport watching men dance with the bride and then pin money to her wedding gown. She was dressed in cash very soon. They were having so much fun I got over it quickly, but I was young and it made quite an impression on me.

Some weddings where I now live have a money tree set up in a corner of the reception where people can attach cash gifts. I've only seen it done a couple of times so it's not the norm, and I've never heard of the married couple upbraiding anyone for not donating.

Isn't there an etiquette about not inviting people who are just casual acquaintances. It's rude to expect money or gifts from people your barely know.

R67 brings back memories of a childhood wedding for me too, also in western PA.

It was my sister's wedding - she didn't marry a Polish guy but a lot of those old traditions kind of melded together there.

[quote]Anyone who gives big expensive wedding...they are stupid assholes. A $34 thousand dollar party? Revolting. They deserve a kick in the head, not presents. How stupid are Americans?

A story from a Canadian paper about an Italian Croatian wedding gets blamed on Americans?

Here's a wedding event: a sit-down and be served meal, all night open bar, and all the wedding cake and dancing you wanted.

That describes my first wedding, paid for by my parents.

I didn't have a bridal gift registry and every person who gave a gift to us received a personal, hand-written Thank You. We didn't know and didn't care about who among our guests didn't give a gift.

That's way it's supposed to be done.

Damn, if it's a shakedown and not a wedding,say so.

Actually neither the bride nor the groom at the PA wedding was Polish. There had been a terrible incident in the family when the bride was young and she was left fatherless. Their Polish neighbors sort of adopted the family and that's who put on her wedding. The neighbors were some of the best people I ever knew. Unfortunately, she married into a family where her MIL was horrified by the Polish customs and she was not allowed to spend time with the neighbors after she was married.

I haven't seen any of those neighbors for many years, but I remember them fondly.

And now back to the Lesbian never gonna get enough money drama.

Jesus Christ! WHY are so many lesbians so damn crass and obnoxious?

Yes, a LOT of gay men would have been bitchy perhaps, but would have done it behind their own closed doors.

Yes, the gift was tactless and was obviously thrown together last minute with junk from a convenience store, but there could have been a reason. Perhaps the gifters were otherwise broke or lost track of time or maybe they were just clueless and/or tacky, but the bride was obnoxious and embarrassed herself.

I'm from "North of Maryland" and this "rule" is ridiculous. In Boston, where we keep the good manners, giving money is considered tacky. I'd never even heard of it until I was in college at which point I wholeheartedly endorsed it.

The gift was awful but then you do get stuck inviting some people with bad taste to every major function in life. Sometimes it's in gift-giving, sometimes it's in choice of attire, etc. There's nothing you can do about it but plant a smile on your face and soldier on. Under no circumstance short of a nudist at a funeral, do you say anything to the tacky person.

The linked article had two polls:

Who do think was right in this situation?

The newlyweds 12.42% (744 votes)

The gift-givers 87.58% (5,244 votes)

Total Votes: 5,988

Followed by:

Was this gift tacky?

Yes 55.34% (1,732 votes)

No 44.66% (1,398 votes)

Total Votes: 3,130

I have never seen money given at a wedding. People usually bring large wrapped gifts like appliances and house related gifts.

It's a regional thing.

Conveniently, in my region, a cash wedding gift always is the right size and the right color.

[quote]If you click through to the article and look at the contents of the gift basket in question - it's atrocious.

It is but it's also not what the giver described as a clever basket of salsa and a note that life is delicious either. Hmmm...

The trend toward ridiculously over the top extravaganza weddings with an eye toward turning a profit is tacky as hell. It's a party to celebrate your union among friends and family. It's not a fucking fundraiser. If you're running a tote board on the expected payout per guest then you really need to scale back the cost of the wedding and your guest list. I'm thinking the obligation gift giver wouldn't have been heartbroken not to be included.

I learned a long time ago to graciously turn down any wedding invite of the "more guests=more profit" nature. If you're not close enough to the couple that they're happy just to have you there and if you feel put upon to spring for an expensive gift+ to cover the cost of your mere presence then just say no.

Larry Miller: "The perfect gift? A shoebox full of twenties."

People may SAY that giving cash as a wedding gift is tacky, but I've never heard of anyone returning a cash gift or refusing to cash a check.

[quote]In Boston, where we keep the good manners

I've been to Boston. Where ARE you keeping them, and do you ever take them out and use them?

de fuck is Fluff?

This sounds like a scene out of 'The Jungle'.

I haven't been to many weddings in my 33 years, but each time I have, I just got something from the bridal registry. Easy. Never even thought of giving cash. Are registries no longer how it's done?

(I'm in Los Angeles if that matters)

Where I grew up, wedding gifts were delivered to the bride's home in the days prior to the wedding. They were arranged and displayed, usually on a table in the formal parlor, for anyone who chose to come by and view the loot.

Where my family lives now, guests arrive at the reception with wrapped gifts, and the bride is expected to spend the early part of the reception opening gifts and oohing and aahing to the satisfaction of the assembled guests. I was horrified the first time I saw that spectacle.

That wedding gift was an act of hostility. The person obviously doesn't like the people who invited her. I've never in my life grabbed a basket from my garage, filled it with cheap candy from the dollar section and given it as a gift of any kind, let alone as a wedding gift. And it also seemed to imply... licking. You know? Fluff. Jolly Ranchers.

I would have written her a thank you note saying I appreciated her last minute effort to throw together a gift in between the ceremony and the reception. If she were a work colleague, I would think of some way of tying her thrown-together-crap-gift as a metaphor for her on-the-job performance. "Your gift was as unique as usual, just like the result of your projects after months of well-reasoned thought. Once again, you show us how, in the absence of a plan, a frenetic Hail Mary suffices for you."

This is a gay site, gay men should no better than anyone else about gift and/or cash giving. To just dismiss this as a lesbian problem is cray cray. And something else, gay men DON'T give tacky gifts, EVER! it's just not done.

R84, you sound rude and tacky yourself.

I love R79

I am fucking tired of giving gifts at weddings period. They get divorced in a year, and I am out sometimes 500 bucks.

Lets make a wedding rule that IF you stay married for three years you get a fucking gift/prize.

I was taught that you (1) always buy someting off of the registry and (2) have it delivered to the bride's home (or the couple's, if they're already living together.) They have enough to do at the wedding without dealing with gifts. And that you have up to a year after the wedding to purchase a gift.

Gift registries are helpful but by no means mandatory, R89. Who the hell comes up with all of these awful "rules" anyway? Is there an Official Commissioner of Bride-zillas?

I just asked my assistant, she said that the new thing is that wedding gifts should total a nice down payment on a home.

I always heard the practical gifts were for the engagement party and the bridal shower and the wedding gift was money.

That is the tackiest cheapest shitty gift I have ever seen.

Two bags of potato chips, a bag of Jolly Rancher Candy, a bag of Sour Patch Kids candy, a few Heath bars, a small bag of malted milk balls, a jar of marshmallow fluff, a tiny packet of chocolate chip cookies and some other junk food in a cheap wicker basket is outrageous, trashy and cheap. That is not a wedding gift

R88, that is why I give candle sticks or something else that can be divided in two.

One can never give too much money to the couples starting out. My rule of thumb is the prettiest person in the room should give the equivalent of a large gold brick.

Someone upthread posted that stating on an invitation something to the effect of "Please, no gifts" was vulgar and tacky. Why is that? I am planning to host an event celebrating something significant in my life and I know some people will feel obligated to bring a gift. But I really do not want anyone to get me a gift--I would rather they come and spend time with me and enjoy themselves. It just seems so wasteful to me for anyone to get me anything--I am not eleven years old and in need of celebrating with gifts. So should I say no gifts and risk being vulgar?

I wouldn't care if a gift was a pair of dirty pants with pockets full of dried cat poop. You say thank you.

"Thank you for your thoughtful gift."

Short, sweet who cares, get over yourself.

r96- I know it's kinda trite but I've received invitations that said "Your presence is my present."

[quote] You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”

I don't see any "fancy salsas, oil, biscuits." I see Fluff (who the fuck even eats that shit let alone gives it as a gift?), Jolly Rachers, gummy worms. Looks like someone stopped at CVS or a gas station shop on the way to the wedding and bought about $10 worth of crap and put it in a basket from one of her mom's crafty silk flower arrangements put together in a class taken at Michael's.

If that's someone's "go to gift," I see that person's social life drying up after a few party invites.

It's not even a real gift basket. I mean, if you're going to give someone a gift basket, actually buy a basket full of nice foods. You can buy them online, order them from flower shops or Costco-type places.

That cheapass chick went to the dollar store.

[quote]They’ve never been to a wedding where guests didn’t give cash.

I am 50 years old, have been to lots of weddings, and have worked part time for a couple of caterers for over 15 years where I have attended hundreds more. I have NEVER attended or worked a wedding where the wedding couple DIDN'T receive LOTS of wrapped, non-cash gifts!

Where do these two freaky rude lezzies get off!?

[quote]Where do these two freaky rude lezzies get off!?

Let's not worry about that. I'm horrified by them as it is without having to think about them getting off.

Do you guys really think that's the basket they gave the happy couple? It's probably still in their possession. If they were asking for a receipt, the items were probably better than those depicted in the Star's picture and actually worth something. I mean would they bother to return bags of chips and Jolly Ranchers to a gas station?

Hey, R103, that picture is worth a thousand cents.

[quote]I wouldn't care if a gift was a pair of dirty pants with pockets full of dried cat poop.

Wow! You're easy to shop for!

[quote] Do you guys really think that's the basket they gave the happy couple? It's probably still in their possession. If they were asking for a receipt, the items were probably better than those depicted in the Star's picture and actually worth something

That is the basket that they received. It's says so underneath the picture

I love r81.

Any gift you receive is just that--a gift. To define it tacky or cheap is uncouth. No matter the wedding gift, you graciously accept and send a handwritten Thank You note.

You receive a gift you don't like, fine. Be gracious. End of story.

I'm from the tri-state area, and ALL Italian weddings it's standard practice to give cash gifts. Nobody gives a wrapped gift, those are for the bridal shower.

[quote]ALL Italian weddings it's standard practice to give cash gifts.

Honey, you're in America now.

It's a crappy gift but saying anything about it is worse. Telling a guest you lost money on him or her is disgusting.

I routinely turn down these kinds of invitations unless the person is a dear friend or beloved relative. Then I give them the most expensive thing on the registry and I'm not wealthy. A niece got married and I gave her $600 worth of crystal. So it all evens out.

I resent even more being asked to go to bridal showers, either of day-glow dildo variety or those at which you're expected to outfit the bride's lingerie wardrobe or kitchen. Bitch, you're getting married, not winning a Nobel prize.

Weddings suck. I was forced into going to a green card wedding where the bride, a pig of epic proportions, registered for anything and everything. (We had a mutual friend who planned the wedding.) On the morning of the wedding, which was scheduled for noon, I was called at nine a.m. and asked to leave that minute, pick up the magenta pocket squares she left at home and rush them to the hotel for the picture takings. Not only did I decline to do this but I never gave a gift. This came after I was told that I had to come early to arrange flowers and declined that, too. Some people can't take a hint.

About 20 years ago I had a friend who was having a "Commitment Ceremony" in Seattle. I gave the happy couple an expensive Waterford vase.

A few years later, for the next commitment ceremony I think I bought the happy couple a nice casserole dish.

For the NEXT commitment ceremony I didn't attend but sent a card.

The link won't open for me.

There are many nasty words to describe the wedding couple's reaction. I will refrain from posting them. Well............I will say that the nicest thing i can say is what a friggin' ho bitch to send that e-mail to a guest. get over your Italian/Croation tradition you stupid @#$%$%.

R108, WHICH tri-state are are you referring to? There is more than one, you know, right? LOL.

A toaster, waffle iron, or fondue set always makes a nice wedding present. I'll bring a green jello mold with grated carrots and miniature marshmallows to keep your event festive. Let me know if I can bring a couple of extra folding chairs. There's room in the trunk of my car for three of them. OK, don't bother calling if you don't have time. I'll just bring them and show up a little early. It will take me a little extra time anyhoo to get positioned with my banjo and accordion--just to add a little extra pizzaz, mind you. I'll just stay in the background and play along to add a boost of class....

A wedding CAN be a profit center too!

I've been to two Greek Orthodox weddings in the past five years that had this gross display of money being flung at the bride and groom on the dance floor - I couldn't believe my eyes. It was the single tackiest thing I have ever seen.

R114 The one that includes Melonville.

R117 I've been to quite a few Greek Orthodox weddings and have never seen anything like that. Perhaps my family was more assimilated, but we always went the registry/regular gift route.

[quote] Someone upthread posted that stating on an invitation something to the effect of "Please, no gifts" was vulgar and tacky. Why is that?

I'm assuming that's a Miss Manners or Emily Post rule of etiquette. I think the rule has always been ANY mention of gifts on a formal invitation is presumptuous, low class, rude. Doesn't matter if you're telling people what to bring or not to bring anything. And even if you tell people not to bring anything, some will anyway which might cause your other guests to feel awkward.

Since gift registries have become standard on wedding invites, though, I think telling your guests you don't want gifts is fine. Most will be relieved, some will bring gifts anyway. Be gracious either way and yes, you still need to send a thank you note to anyone who brings a gift.

Can you believe that this place makes up wedding gift baskets specifically for lesbians? And does a really poor job of it.

I know you're joking R115, but I'd rather attend a wedding like that than a snooty snoozy formal event where I can't wait to make my exit.

Some of the best receptions I've attended have been outside, under a tent, wih jello molds and potato salad...and a keg. And yes, there were folding chairs.

[quote] As a gift, my Girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce. -- On the card we wrote "Life is delicious....Enjoy"

That doesn't sound so awful to me, especially since he's apparently a young person who works in a restaurant -- so he's probably not pulling down big bucks. If that photo is the actual gift box, the photographer buried most of the items to highlight the Fluff, candy, etc.

If the price of admission to this grand affair was $200, then the lesbians should have stated that on the invite.

That basket sounds more like a shower gift, at best. But brides are all insufferable.

When I was growing up there were givens about weddings.

1. NO CHILDREN UNDER 18

2. All alcohol was free

3. Gifts were selected from a bridal registry (cash was unheard of)

4. And the bride and groom left on their honeymoon after making an appearance at the reception dance.

Typical lesbo cunts.

The gift IS tacky but I think we need Sorority Bitch to visit the brides and cunt punt them for their rudeness!

I just now noticed that the original gift-giver called out the angry e-mailing bride for chewing gum ("like a cow does hay") on her way down the aisle.

And she has the gall to call other people tacky. Imagine chomping on gum during your own wedding ceremony!

Where is that r128? In OP's link?

R129, it's in the link at R123.

Everyone is Canadian so tacky is price of entry.

Life may be delicious, but weddings are expensive. Giving gas station candy in a box is not appropriate.

Neither is giving a food basket of pastas or cookies. Weddings aren't grocery lists. A food basket is fine as a Christmas gift for your new brother-in-law or as a "welcome home and get well gift" when someone leaves the hospital (filled with fruits rather than chocolates or pasta). But never as a wedding gift. If you can't afford a gift, don't go. Send your RSVP with a decline (you'll be out of town that weekend) and wish them a lovely day. But don't give them a box of "fancy" supermarket items.

Lesbians acting like typical straight, entitled bridezillas. Now we've really arrived!

[quote]If the price of admission to this grand affair was $200, then the lesbians should have stated that on the invite.

Great quote! and very true

The brides' responses were beyond the pale, but the gift-giver should have taken the high road after the second response and done nothing.

At that point, just punch and delete and forget the whole, nasty mess.

[quote]If you can't afford a gift, don't go.

Because the expectation of a pricey gift is the only reason these greedy, gum-chewing brides invited you in the first place.

[quote]Someone upthread posted that stating on an invitation something to the effect of "Please, no gifts" was vulgar and tacky. Why is that?

Gifts are supposed to be voluntary, and you're supposed to be surprised and delighted that anyone would be so thoughtful as to give you something. To tell people not to give anything, though well-intentioned and realistic, is still to presume that gifts are expected. You just don't talk about money or gifts, especially on the invitation.

Now that I've read the more complete story linked to in R123, which gives a full description of both the gifts and the relationship between giver and recipient, I completely forgive the gift giver, and want to slam the two bridezillas even more.

I went to the wedding of a dear friend this month. I gave him and his wife a number of placesettings in the pattern they'd chosen. I imagine I spent as much as, or more than, the cost of catering. But I didn't think of it in those terms until reading this article.

I can't imagine them sitting around together trashing anyone for the gifts they gave, let alone doing so in public.

[quote] Gifts are supposed to be voluntary, and you're supposed to be surprised and delighted that anyone would be so thoughtful as to give you something.

Since gifts are voluntary, what does Miss Manners or Emily Post say about not sending a gift to the couple when you are invited to a wedding? It should be perfectly fine to attend and not send a gift.

Same for birthday and anniversary parties. No gift? No problem.

R139, two of my friends who attended my wedding never sent a gift. I couldn't care less, because that was never the point.

Marriage Equality has truly arrived when lesbians can be bridezillas as well! We've been waiting for years to be rude bitches!

R132, nobody is saying it's a good gift. But the reaction and rudeness of the bride is what makes it so bad.

[quote]Gifts are supposed to be voluntary, and you're supposed to be surprised and delighted that anyone would be so thoughtful as to give you something. To tell people not to give anything, though well-intentioned and realistic, is still to presume that gifts are expected. You just don't talk about money or gifts, especially on the invitation.

While I totally agree with that sentiment, what do you do if you're both well established with a home, and don't need the kind of newlywed gifts that most everyone gives by rote? I don't want to burden my friends, most of whom honestly can't afford to give much of a gift but who would indebt themselves out of a feeling of duty.

By the same line of reasoning, bridal (and baby shower) registries are similarly tacky, since they assume gifts will be forthcoming. If these are well accepted into modern society, shouldn't a nicely worded "no gifts" statement also be appropriate?

From the spec.com article, what is "doe and doe" (mentioned twice)? Is it Canadian?

R132 represents yet another version of the Gimme Cunt. As R142 rightly states, the inappropriateness of the gift isn't the issue.

And the reason R132 is aligned with the foul and unsocialized twats at issue here can be seen with her "If you can't bring a better gift, send your RSVP," which continues the inexcusable idiocy that a fucking wedding is a fucking chance to collect fucking gifts.

NEVER MIND that today's couples are not the 18-year-old have-nothing-but-a-trusseau couples of the past. These cunts - and likely the cunt at R132 - have their homes and households already set up.

Again, I wish all these greedy, selfish, lazy and feral couples all the fun their personalities are undoubtedly going to bring to their marriages.

The defense of these women in any form is a sure sign of social and ethical ineptitude. At best.

Why is it a fucking issue how much these cunts or any couple pay for the reception?

It is their party. Given for their family and friends. Period, you assholes.

You do not try to collect from your guests. It is terrible ju-ju for the alleged start of an officially sanctioned relationship.

So don't go the wedding of any cunts or twats, R145/146. Only go to the weddings of pricks and cocks.

R143, we had a small wedding (30 people) and a full apartment, so when asked made it clear we would rather not get gifts at all, but if the invitee insisted, we asked for cash or a donation to a charity. A few people got gifts without asking or despite asking, and that was cool. So the gift discussion was verbal.

"She says Mason’s gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that’s still on display in their home."

They all sound like a classy bunch.

If this became THE BIG issue, the wedding was probably one big frigid self-involved bore.

[quote]Same for birthday and anniversary parties. No gift? No problem.

That is correct. This may blow your mind but all gifts are voluntary. Etiquette never gives a host the right to demand gifts from his guests.

You say, "if you can't afford a gift, don't go." The flip side of that coin is "if you can't afford to treat your guests to a reception without expecting to be re-paid in the form of cash and gifts, then don't have one."

One thing all Bridezillas always seem to have in common is they lose sight of the fact that they are the HOSTS of the party, not the guest of honor. If they were so focused on money for their future then they should have just banked the $34,000 they squandered on a lavish event rather than expecting their GUESTS to pay for it plus make a profit for themselves.

r136 has it exactly right. This guest was only invited with the expectation of a payoff, not out of friendship or love. Anyone who's just filling seats with every warm body they've ever known in the hopes of upping their take deserves exactly what they get. In most cases that will be a hell of a lot less than what they expect.

OK, what the bride did was definitely tacky, but I did not see assorted fancy oils, salsas, as was described. I saw a basket that was put together at a 7-11 by a broke stoner. The description in the first post made it sound like it was a Dean and Deluca-type gourmet basked.

Both couples are tacky.

Does anyone think this didn't happen & it's a big EST hoax pulled on a newspaper? I tried to find this Burlington Mamas group on fb and nothing.

Motorola is the best brand around, R152.

If that picture was taken by the bride, it's playing up the Jolly Ranchers and Fluff. You can see stuff hidden down in the darker parts of the basket. They may have even taken stuff out.

Just how casual was this acquaintance anyhow?

I would be such a burn on the bride(s) if inside one of the packages was a $100 gift card or something.

Maybe they heard that the couple like to use Marshmallow Fluff during sex. It's probably the only way anyone could persuade me to eat pussy.

I assume the Croatian bride's family moved to Canada after World war II from the poorest rural part of Croatia. Because believe me, even though silly wedding customs still exist in rural Croatia, we don't live in 1940's anymore and have evolved with times. Most people here give nice normal gifts. Some prefer to give money, but that's usually closest family or someone without imagination because it's just easier for them to give money.

The gift really was tacky but their reaction was much much worse.

R157, Fluff spread on someone's cock is the only way I'd eat it. Fluff, that is.

What a truly horrible couple. And considering that they provided the photo of the basket, I'm suspicious. They put the "cheap" stuff on top but there are a bunch of other items underneath them. The guests apparently know the couple through their jobs in food service. While I wouldn't give a basket of food, I get where the guests were coming from. Regardless, this newlywed couple is vile. I can't wait for their identities to be revealed so we can get a look a these cheap, nasty cunts.

So I am turning 50 this year and you are all invited! Please make sure you gift equals at least $200 per person to cover the price of the crappy wedding chicken you will be served.

Unfortunately, do the the large amount of attendees, restaurant quality food cannot be obtained.

Also, if you fail to attend, make checks out to me personally with and apology and please do not forget to sign.

Your computer generated thank you e-mail will arrive when I have time.

These whores will divorce before year's end.

My partner and I are flying in to a second cousins wedding in a few months. I think it will be a really nice wedding.

How much do we spend on a gift? At this point I don't think the issue is how well we know the bride, we are going to accept the invite.

I haven't been to a wedding in decades.

From r144's link:

On a recent Friday I was invited (plus guest) to the wedding of a girl (I was her boss at a family, corporate style restaurant, I have since left the restaurant). The ceremony was at 2PM with reception to follow at 5:30.

The ceremony was short and sweet, the brides said their "I dos" at a lake side garden in Stoney Creek.

As a gift, my Girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce.

On the card we wrote "Life is delicious....Enjoy"

This is a New Jersey Tri-State area thing not an Italian thing, American thing or gay thing.

I went to a wedding there and none of the people were Italian, yet they made it clear before hand how its a "tradition" that you give cash of equal to or more then the cost of the total reception. It was a verbal thing when you RSVP, then it was too late which by that point it was too late to back out.

The bride and groom literally expected a total amount of around 50,000 of which half would pay for the actual even and the other half for their lavish honeymoon to Europe. They never got the total they expected but it was up there like about 40,000.

Bride sent pre-printed thank you post cards not even signed.

They got divorced 2 years later. Money all spent of course.

[quote]People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago!

Neither manners nor grammar.

W&W for r79. So true!

The more obsessed you are with your wedding "event" the less concerned you are with your marriage. And the less chance you have for a successful one (of either).

R163, In general, its whatever you want to give and can afford.

That money thing is greedy bitches on the East Cost trying to turn weddings in to lavish fundraisers to live like The Kardashians.

The regular traditions still hold. I would say on average, maybe a 100 - 200 range per couple.

If you dont make a lot of money even a nice set of matching towels in appropriate. It's the thought that counts.

If you are doing well, you could spend a lot more. say 500 - 1000 range.

Any more should come from the parents of the bride and groom. They usually are the ones who are supposed to pay for the wedding and reception in the first place. Any

Again you rude bitches, if it's a shakedown disguised as a wedding reception, then have the balls to call it that.

And thank you to the previous poster who told off the "if you can't afford a gift, then don't go," Bridezilla.

If you can't afford to properly host a reception, then don't have one.

Thanks you, r169.

I have a large number of employees in New Jersey and I am invited to many offspring's wedding. In the beginning, since I was personally familiar with all my employees I would accept the invitation and I would send a gift, then I realized that it was expected that if I did attend, I would give a cash gift. As the company grew I was getting invitations from people with whom I was not as familiar and it became apparent that even if I declined the invitation, I was expected to send a gift. I am selling the business soon and the next invitation I get I am going to send a donation gift, i.e. a contribution in the couples' name to a charity. I'm done.

I gave about $400 to a straight couple here in California and they were more then happy.

They kept saying thank you, it was more then generous and it was totally not expected.

And they were not poor, one worked for a brokerage firm making pretty good money.

That is how you are supposed to do it Bridzillas. Don't expect anything and maybe you will get more then you thought.

Be Gracious.

My mother always said, "only trash asks for and/or gives money." I personally think cash as a gift is gauche, however sometimes you have to go with the mores of the area.

R172 = Sucker.

Seriously, you should have not pandered to that oxymoron of a new tradition.

Of course, it's New Jersey so tacky I get it. But your donation idea is a good one. It's been done before but not often. I think you should spread that idea as the "new tradition" as much as you can.

Its time people like that stop being greedy and show some respect and class.

I assume you are a bit older? Have all those people given you a nice birthday gift every year weather you had a party or not? Ice Cream cake dose not count.

It's not trashy to give money, it's a symbol of prosperity.

People are trying to act like it's trashy because they want to get away with buying ugly and cheap gifts which costs them all of $40.

Most people do a shit job of buying gifts and if those getting married were being totally honest, they'd admit to preferring money so they can buy what they need rather than have to find a closet to hide some ugly, cheap, candy dish or a blender which doesn't even match their kitchen.

Still, what the bride did was dreadful - even though the cheapskates apparently thought they were going to an 8-year old's birthday party.

[quote]Most people do a shit job of buying gifts

Hence the gift registry EVERY bride has available for her guests to access.

I say, who are these Tacky Tessies defending money over gifts as though marrying couples had a right to shake down their wedding guests for cash donations? If you give money or get it, fine, but to expect or demand it? Horrors!

R177, in my family, the registry is for the bridal shower, not the wedding. For the wedding, you give money - it's what the couple needs more than one's cheap contribution of an oxo peeler and a silicone spatula.

[quote]It's not trashy to give money, it's a symbol of prosperity.

It is tacky because it says you did not put any thought into the person you are giving a gift to. By your logic, Christmas and birthday gifts should all be straight cash as well.

Why don't we just make it easy and use one of those bank APPs and directly transfer the money into your account.

Definition: GIFT - "A thing given willingly to someone without payment"

R179, If I got invited to your wedding I would get you a cheese grater.

You sound like a prostitute whoring out an event to get as much cash as possible. Do I get a happy ending with that?

[quote] in my family, the registry is for the bridal shower, not the wedding. For the wedding, you give money - it's what the couple needs more than one's cheap contribution of an oxo peeler and a silicone spatula.

1. Nobody is talking about your family R179. We are discussing a WEDDING gift, not a shower gift.

2. If a bride-to-be puts a peeler or a spatula on her gift registry, she must want one. I'm sure in YOUR family those items are on wish lists but I've never seen any on any gift registry I've used.

[quote] I went to a wedding there and none of the people were Italian, yet they made it clear before hand how its a "tradition" that you give cash of equal to or more then the cost of the total reception.

I'm really curious about this. How was it made clear? Were there code words? Or did they just out-and-out tell people, "If you attend, we expect to be given $____, which is your share of the total reception?"

I can't imagine how people would even KNOW what the total cost was, especially people who haven't had weddings.

[quote] It was a verbal thing when you RSVP, then it was too late which by that point it was too late to back out.

Curious about this, too. What would happen if you backed out? Would the bride and groom send a posse of thugs to beat you up?

It doesn't have to be "cash." Even a gift card is better than some of the shit I've seen given at weddings. Face it, a lot of you people have zero taste - the exception being the one in this thread who gave that beautiful Chinese basket.

And spare me the "you gave no thought." Like I said, most couples -if they were being totally honest- would prefer money over your terrible taste.

Hey, r143, if you are truly serious about not getting gifts......have a surprise wedding!

I was once invited to one, and it was great.

"Walter and I hope that you can be our guest for cocktails and dinner at 'La Flambeaux Marie' on the 15th, at 7:00 PM."

Once everyone is gathered, just a short announcement that You and Walter have decided to marry, and wanted the friends closest to you to be present....followed by a short ceremony, and then the promised dinner.

R182, the point is that no one had "sour patch kids" listed on their registry. When there is no registry, give cash or even a gift card. Don't guess at the couple's style/taste because you're more than likely to be wrong.

R184, the point of couples celebrating their wedding in the presence of family and friends is not supposed to be mercenary.

Any suggestion about the gifts your guests should give or what you would prefer to receive is simply not done. If someone chooses to give money - fine. If not - no one has the right to insult and berate them.

I'm Italian and I've never given money. My parents have given money on occasion, but if there's a gift registry they'll choose something from that. My sister said she received some cash but mostly gifts, when she got married. Of course some gifts were incredibly cheap but since we were raised with manners, she just wrote a thank you card anyway.

Not to mention I went to a cousin's wedding in Italy 2 years ago and not one person gave money, so this "tradition" the bride is rabbiting on about sounds like it was made up after her family arrived here, which may have only been a couple of generations ago.

And of course the tradition of a Croation girl marrying an Italian girl is roughly a week old, so it's funny that she expects people to honour some made up family tradition when half her dead relatives would have rolled over in their graves when two girls walked down the aisle.The whole thing is hilarious.

You are a tacky lesbian R184, I can tell. It's not about you decorating your house. Is that what a wedding is to you?

Its not about taste either. Gifts are a sentiment. An expression of kindness.

Do you really think in the old days people loved everything they got? They didn't, but they had enough class to say thank you for THE THOUGHT.

Who cares what the couple really thinks about your gift taste wise. Weddings are not a fundraiser for home goods. If that is what you really want, then be honest.

Tell people straight out "I am furnishing my home and throwing a Tupperware party where you will all be buying me I want with a minimum donation of $200 a person." Shitty hors d'oeuvres will be served.

You are the one who is dishonest.

I agree, R187. Like I stated in an earlier post, what the bride did was absolutely horrible. You don't berate people for what they give you. You never mention it to anyone outside of your inner circle.

I just think it's ridiculous for anyone to claim that giving money is tacky then take issue with me pointing out that what's really tacky are some of the gifts people try to get away with giving.

If you're going to spend as little money as possible, at least let it be for something you personally made. I'd rather receive a quilt someone made over a piece of waterford crystal.

I'm not saying someone is supposed to give tons of cash, I'm saying it's better than some of the tacky shit people choose to give.

A lesbian dream wedding is one where the guests pay a hundred bucks a head to gain admission to a pot-luck dinner.

"You're assigned to bring a vegetarian casserole and eight folding chairs, and remember, the only gift cards we want are Home Depot."

Except R190 she dose not agree with you.

Your point is well taken, whatever happened to home made gift? A gift made with love.

By R190s account, you are giving her a tacky gift that dose not match her uppity tastes.

Why, she cant even get a recipe and return it to get the money. What's a selfish greedy bride to do?

Are there photos of the Lesbyterians in question?

My partner's nephew got married recently. He and his wife have been out on their own, and prior to their marriage had independent households set up. They shouldn't need or want anything for wedding presents, but shockingly, they asked for money on the wedding invitation, so they could go on their dream honeymoon. I refused to pay, partner didn't see what was wrong with the request. A huge disagreement ensued.

r192 "Dose", oh dear! Please up the dose of whatever you are taking, it DOES not working for you!

r192, do you really not know how spell "does"? Oh, my.

Yeah, r185 and r196, I'm sure spelling dose instead of does is not just a typo, but a legitimate conviction. It's like the flat earth society. The dose society. They really do not know any better!

Why are people getting so fucking ridiculous here? Is it to match the ridiculous brides?

(197) it was post number 195 NOT 185 that mentioned this! Dose you know the difference you dumb bitch!??!

R197, welcome to the DL.

I'm sure you'll figure out how things work around here in no time.

(Hint: Grammar and spelling corrections are acceptable. Giving people shit about them is not.)

Hahaha, you ARE the bridezilla, right r198? That's why they are two of you attacking the same stupid shit. Go eat some gluten, you loon.

r199 Only the most pathetic DL basement dwellers point out boring typos without irony. They always get shit for it, and everyone rolls their eyes at them, sorry to inform you.

r200 it's "there are" not "they are". EPIC FAIL, EPIC!!

FLAME WAR!! Dose. There are.

So I guess this now officially becomes one of the "Thread subjects that attract hordes of loons, haters, imbeciles."

The whole thing is ridiculous. Yes, the gift was tacky, but as it's already been pointed out, it was a gift. If you're getting married, you invite the people you want to be there, and you accept what they give you. If you're throwing a party that's bigger than you can afford, that's your problem. Expecting anything, especially cash, is tacky and it says a lot about those who defend the practice.

If it's now become about turning a profit from your wedding, I suggest couples not send out an invitation, but rather sell tickets to your "event." Sadly, that too is starting to happen. I know a woman who got her PhD and decided to have a party. She sent out the "invitation" and it explained that in order to attend you had to PAY for your dinner. She charged $50 person. It was ridiculous but people, especially her staff, felt obligated to attend.

This is what it's coming to.

R151 is right. The couple are the hosts and their role is to make sure the guests have a good time.

I think one bridezilla per year should be publicly executed to cut down on the bridezilla population. No invitations needed to the execution but it is BYOB!

[quote]This is a New Jersey Tri-State area thing not an Italian thing, American thing or gay thing.

R165, I'm from New Jersey, and neither my brother nor my sister got cash for their weddings, at least not to the exclusion of gifts. I've never heard of it before. I'm from North Jersey, though, not "down the shore."

[quote]Why, she cant even get a recipe and return it to get the money.

R192, how dose one get paid for a recipe? I have a lot of good ones but I've always just given them away for free.

[quote]Still, what the bride did was dreadful - even though the cheapskates apparently thought they were going to an 8-year old's birthday party.

An 8-year-old wouldn't be as immature as this bride.

Brides aren't the only difficult ones. I got attitude once from the cunt at the wedding registry desk in a department store.

I explained that the bride and I had been friends in the past but hadn't really kept much in touch in recent years.

The registry items were far outside the price range I had in mind. The cunt, in her best Margaret Dumont voice, "Well! I can't imagine why she invited *you* in the first place."

r211 - And? What did you end up getting?

I avoid weddings but sometimes do want to acknowledge the occasion with a small gift. Lately, I've been giving bees. Some people have seemed a little bemused, but everyone has thanked me politely so far. Whatever the couple may think about it, I know that my gift has been helpful somewhere in the world & that makes me happy.

R212 An unusual conical thermal pitcher. It looked like something she would like.

But I also included a gift receipt in case she wanted to return it.

I've heard women in my family and circles of friends, without shame, speak of weddings as ways of raising money. They invite many, many people, sure most won't come (ie destination weddings) and they expect those that won't come will still send gifts from the registry. It's a money making scheme, only encouraged by the obscene wedding industry.

This is why I simply ignore and throw away most wedding invites. People that I know casually will invite me to their fucking cash raising parties. Fuck you.

Lavishing money and gifts upon newlyweds stems from the idea that the couple is young, just starting out, and needs money and supplies to start their new life. Now you see tacky couples who both make six figures asking for a 500 dollar juicer from Crate and Barrel. Tacky.

R169 don't blame the entire East Coast for the tacky behavior of a few select ethnic groups. This story would send my Westport WASP grandmother to her grave.

[quote]Where my family lives now, guests arrive at the reception with wrapped gifts, and the bride is expected to spend the early part of the reception opening gifts and oohing and aahing to the satisfaction of the assembled guests. I was horrified the first time I saw that spectacle.

If you think that's bad, I once went to a wedding where the BRIDESMAIDS opened the gifts during the reception while the bride was socializing.

You hit the nail on the head, R217.

When I was finishing grad school in my 20's, and my friends were getting married, I relied on their gift registries to pick out something the couple truly needed. For something special, that was beyond my price range, I pooled resources with another friend attending the wedding. Even if the couple was not registered, I usually knew one of both well enough to pick out something thoughtful, that suited their needs and taste.

I don't think I've ever given money as a gift for a wedding. That's something I reserve for teenagers and college students for birthdays and graduations (although they always get a small, personal item).

If you're invited to a wedding and you go, you either pay for something from the registry if there is one or you bring a card in a envelope with MONEY, cash or check and you give it to the either the bride or groom during the reception. Everyone knows this.

You do not bring a basket of CHEAP SHIT or a toaster.

There are several etiquette sites that detail how much to give.

The lesbians WERE RIGHT to call out these cheapasses.

THREAD CLOSED

The thing about family and ethnic "traditions" is that they should remain just that. If you have to explain to your guests what's expected of them in exchange for the special privilege of basking in your glory then they never should have been invited in the first place.

This can be consider tacky too but the daughter of a very dear was married recently and among close friends and family we set up a "honey fund" for their ridiculous modest but hilarious honeymoon. The thing was we kept it private. We asked the couple first if it was OK of course and they were a little concerned about the tacky factor themselves but the thing is that it was our idea and our choice to do it and we did it with great joy.

By the way, the couple is straight but this was the gayest wedding EVER in the best of ways. Huge fun and full of genuine love.

No r221, the thread is not "closed" because another angry lesbian decides to rake in the dough by pretending to want "guests" when all they want is MONEY.

R221, great job upholding stereotypes.

My partner and I were invited to a wedding shower and wedding of a friend of my partners that she has known since childhood. The bride also worked where I did and is making about $140k per year. Her husband to be is an optometrist; they are both in their early 60s.

We bought a really nice gift and went to the shower. Most of the other women at the shower were younger and made a lot less money. It really pissed me off.

Really, at the age of 60+ it should be a celebration with a request of no gifts.

My partner and I have been together for 25+ years. If we ever have a wedding or celebration, I will request no gifts. At our age there is no need for anyone to buy us gifts.

so a wedding shower is just another money making scheme with the wedding?

I hate getting wedding invitations, especially from people I don't know well. I got one this week from my cross fit trainer. I am assuming that everyone he trains got one. My brother's wife had a 'bridal shower' which she registered for separately from the wedding shower. She then proceeded to bitch about her friend making six figures, and buying a $20 bridal shower gift. That is just greedy. In any case, am I expected to send the cross fit trainer a gift? I wasn't going to.

If you're not going to the wedding, I wouldn't send him a gift, R227. The only gift he wants is money.

Giving cash is fucking TACKY. Those dollar dances and garter crap are just gross.

We had sixty guests at our wedding - I was adamant that nobody bring a gift because I didn't want one whiff of drama on what needed to be a great day for everybody. I had a friend who hustled the gifts that people insisted on bringing out the back door. (of course I kept them, i'm practical, not stupid)

R228, I treat invitations from mere acquaintances as if I'd just been told in person "I'm getting married!", to which I'd reply with something like "Oh, how wonderful! Congratulations!"

The written equivalent of that response is a nice card with some kind of lovely nature picture (flowers, waterfall, soaring doves, etc) & a very short printed message, to which you add your own scribbled note to the effect of "I'm so happy for you both -- best wishes for the future". Trader Joe's has some pretty good cards for 99cents & Dollar Tree has some perfectly OK ones for 50cents.

There's certainly no need for a gift -- you're not close to the person & you're not attending the wedding -- you probably do wish the couple well, so just let them know & leave it at that. And support the Post Office in the process!

I've never heard of any of these traditions. Such an emphasis on cash is so low class. I've attended and been a groomsmen in weddings in Virginia, South Carolina, California and NYC. All were WASP society weddings. At none of these weddings did anyone give cash. And at none of the weddings do people tote gifts for the bride to deal with. Gifts are shipped not carried. Different customs are fine. But don't expect everyone to abide by your tacky rules.

Do newlyweds REALLY expect gifts to equal the value of the food they serve you? ??????

I think it's really TACKY in Italian weddings or whatever the ethnicity, where the bride has to dance with people and get pinned with money. It's like a STRIPPER! GROSS!

Cash gifts sound like a good idea. Great way to help the new couple. But it is tacky for the brides to complain.

R232 that's not an Italian tradition. Personally I think it's tacky to serve over cooked chicken and in edible beef at WASP wedding, but I've had so much of it I assume that must be a tradition amongst your people. GROSS!

People on tacky glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Interesting thread in that it shows differences in what is appropriate and expected.

I knew an old-school, very upper-crust-y woman who thought that any reference to a gift was totally inappropriate. I only know because I know her grandson and he told me that she was appalled that he and his fiancee registered for gifts, noting the irony that his grandmother loved being able to pick out a gift from a list for other people's weddings.

Since everyone I knew registered, I wondered if this was one of those things that distinguish one social, geographic, or ethnic group from another, so I asked him about what else she thought. (She was not a WASP, but European Spanish.)

It was a long time ago but what I do remember is that she thought that these huge wedding productions were a waste of money in general, but unconscionable in those who couldn't afford them (and that all that money could be better used for a lovely trip somewhere, which seemed odd to me if you couldn’t afford it to begin with); gifts of money should only come from the parents of the groom or bride; and while it was very much the custom to display wedding gifts before the wedding, she refused to do it at her own — to much criticism from some people.

It seems that many of the traditional rules of etiquette reflect a certain financial position and may not be in tune with changing times or the issues of more modest backgrounds.

So, in 235 posts, what have we learned?

1. Making fun of other people's gifts just makes you the tacky one.

2. If you can't afford a big wedding and a big reception, have a smaller wedding and a smaller reception.

3. Guests are not there to pay for things you can't afford, like receptions or honeymoons.

4. If you're that concerned with the price of the gift, you should wear a sign that says "Gift Whore" so everyone will know.

Now any bets on how long this marriage will last?

I don't know when they'll split up r236, but i bet the couple in question will have already had a huge fight over this debacle. They will have fought because one of them sent the email in the first place or because she wouldn't let the dispute go or because one of them has to see the couple who gave the tacky gift on a regular basis and this makes things VERY awkward.

We've also learned one other thing:

5. Don't go to weddings of people you barely know and expect any gratitude - you're just an ATM to those people.

[quote]And the bride and groom left on their honeymoon after making an appearance at the reception dance.

That wouldn't allow the bride to lord it over everyone and bask in attention, which is the goal these days.

Poor grooms, I always pity them.

I don't understand why society is required to subsidize people pairing off in the first place!!! I actually understand giving gifts for baby showers more than this. Babies are fucking expensive.

Almost everyone gets a cheap or tacky gift at their wedding. However, you decide what you are going to spend for your wedding and no one should be expected to reimburse you. They are GUESTS and whatever they choose to give, that is their right, be it cheap or sensational. No one owes anyone who wants to spend a fucking fortune for one day, squat. You know what is also laughable bitches - telling everyone what you spent on your wedding. Do you think no one is rolling their eyes at you?

R210 you should have gotten her FIRED.

[quote] "Well! I can't imagine why she invited *you* in the first place."

@ 3:12

R229, why in the fuck did you respond to me? Was I Can Haz Cheezeburgers down, frau?

Thanks for the lessen, Ems. Now fuck off.

Laura is a fucking rotten putrid cunt. How fucking dare she bitch about how much she had to spend for her wedding, as if the world owes her for getting married. Jesus Christ!!! No one cares if she gets married or not - it was her decision to get married, it was her decision to spend that much on a wedding, the guests are guests, and no way are guests supposed to even out the till at the end of the night.

What a lovely person she must be to commit a future with - her wife should consider herself very lucky.

Yes r210, you should have had the worthless bitch fired.

They sound very, very, very young.

Gifts are not mandatory for anything. That's why they are called gifts.

Declaring wedding traditions are tacky is so tacky.

These must be VERY hefty lesbians if a straight couple thought what they'd most appreciate would be a jar of marshmallow fluff and Jolly Ranchers.

[quote] One thing all Bridezillas always seem to have in common is they lose sight of the fact that they are the HOSTS of the party, not the guest of honor.

Traditionally, the parents of the bride hosted the wedding reception, not the married couple who are, in fact, the guests of honor. Things have changed now that there will be no bride or two brides at weddings, but the married couple are still the guests of honor.

I have baptist relatives whose wedding receptions take place in the church basement. Refreshment is non-alcohol punch and cookies. No wedding cake. Reception is maybe an hour and a half. Then you are encouraged to take your leave of the bride and groom.

My partner has Jewish relatives who go for bar mitzvah madness, spending more than 50k trying to outdo their neighbor's kid's bar mitzvah. He has other relatives who do a very simple lunch after the ceremony at the synagogue. Some have a dessert party. The simpler parties are much nicer and more family-oriented. You can really tell which kids (and parents) have their heads on straight.

But to each his or her own. People work within their budgets. Some people are tacky, some are selfish, some are very classy, some people are naturally low-key. I can understand a wedding being important to some people. My sister never had a birthday party in her life. She wanted her wedding to be her big "life party." . She didn't break the bank by any means, but she said, "This really is my day because I've never had one before and I don't expect to have another day in my honor until my funeral!" She's still married 22 years later. I'm glad she had one day for herself out of her entire life.

What disgusts me are the people on my side and my partner's side who have been married three times. Without fail, the multiple marriers are scammers, always looking for an angle, a scheme. A male cousin of mine and my partner's sister are the most despicable scammers I know and they are three timers. I declined their last weddings and simply sent a card wishing well. Unfortunately, my partner had to attend his sister's third wedding or it would have created a problem (especially since he had to drive his parents there). He shrugged and said, "I'm actually glad she's getting married because she never worked a day in her life, has no savings, no insurance, will get very little in Social Security and I might have had to be financially responsible for her once my parents die. I'm glad she found another dupe to take on the responsibility." (Believe me, anyone who would marry her deserve what he gets)

Life goes on....

More of the lesbian wedding drama.....

[quote]Traditionally, the parents of the bride hosted the wedding reception, not the married couple who are, in fact, the guests of honor. Things have changed now that there will be no bride or two brides at weddings, but the married couple are still the guests of honor.

Whoever sends the invitations is the titular host. Sounds like that was the brides themselves in this case.

Had I received that gift, I would've invited that couple over for dinner and served them everything from that basket.

This wedding happened in Southern Ontario. Everyone here fucking knows to give cash, not some cheap ass gift. Cheap gifts are just not done. You have to be really clueless or you hate the bride & groom if you give an Italian/Serbian couple a piece of shit food basket as a gift. Stupid people. Having said that, it was rude of the wedding couple to bitch about it. The should have just cut the cheap fuckers out of their life.

I think weddings with more than 100 people are tacky. Invited wedding guests should know the couple well enough to know what kind of gift they would enjoy. Therefore, no need for cash or a registry, both of which are tacky.

[quote]Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals.

Brilliant. Not since Sally Brown's "Christmas is getting while the getting's good" has the spirit of mankind been expressed so eloquently.

So I read through >250 posts in hope of finding out what is the going rate for how much cash should a couple gift the Brides & Grooms. Of course the fact that I from NJ (where I always thought is was common to give a discreet cash gift) and now in the gray area of Maryland muddies the waters a bit.

I say discreet - unlike the cash dances and money trees that were mentioned. I've witnessed that gypsyfest and could not believe my eyes.

What the fuck? No registering? How the hell are people suppose to know what to give?

I guess that's why I always give money but anyone who complains at any gift...is a jerk.

If a newlywed married couple needs money that badly, perhaps they should have waited until they were more financially established to get married. I will certainly NEVER be giving a cash gift at a wedding. If you cannot afford the wedding you just had, it is not my responsibility to pay for it. The sheer nerve of it all is infuriating!

COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE SHIT IN MY MOUTH?

No r3, a gift certificate to McDonalds would be better ... or Walmart.

r255 is why the rest of Canada hates Toronto.

This is why I always find a reason NOT to go to weddings.

I don't even need a reason. Just dump the invites in the trash.

Wow, I just can never get enough of the brilliantly witty PLEASE SHIT IN MY MOUTH poster. I'm sure its the same person as the I EAT OLD PEOPLES EXCREMENT poster, because there cannot possible be two scathingly brilliant shit-eating posters on one board.

You're disgusting, R255.

[quote]Now any bets on how long this marriage will last?

Since one of the brides has an open account with U-Haul...

I hope they all die in a grease fire.

All right people. Take some notes. It's time to get educated on how to do it RIGHT.

Seriously, 270 posts and none of you know the ground rules?

You give gifts at the BRIDAL SHOWER, not the WEDDING. Bridal Shower gifts are brought off the registry. And I use that term loosely, because most brides have multiple registries nowadays. I can't think of many who just use one. There's your standard department store for luggage and linens, and your home store, for your dishes/silverware.

Some bridal showers are now Jack and Jill, too. Which means you can buy gifts for the man also. Again, check the appropriate registry, most likely a Home Depot or Sears Hardware.

Money is a GIVEN at a wedding. You go, you give cash. There's no reason to give gifts, because you've already done it. You don't want to give cash, you don't go. Or let the person know that you are strapped beforehand. The ones I know have ALWAYS been kind towards this. But it's a QUIET RULE that you give the cost of the meal.

This basket gift was trashy beyond belief. The only reason I can think of someone giving it is to be nasty. Some brides would have done far worse to the woman, including asking them to leave during the reception. The couple had every right to be completely insulted over it. TACKY.

[quote]Money is a GIVEN at a wedding. You go, you give cash.

I've never been invited to a Gypsy wedding so this is all new to me.

Your rules are as trashy as you are, R270. I wouldn't give you ten cents for your crappy wedding chicken if I bled hundred dollar bills.

You probably buy your wedding cakes at Shop Rite.

So trashy, R270.

Just had to reread R270. Can anyone imagine telling the couple "that you are strapped beforehand?" So incredibly trashy. If one of the guests to my wedding approached me to explain that they were short on cash, I'd be astounded, wondering why on earth they would think that my partner and I are so low class that we'd expect such a thing.

I did not make the rules R274, I'm simply reiterating them.

You can have whatever opinion you want of them, but that's the way it is. There's a reason weddings have become a multi million dollar industry.

Don't go if you're that offended.

Your problem is solved.

What godforsaken rule book are you referencing, or as you so elegantly state ... "reiterating"?

CASH ON THE LAND! CASH ON THE LAND!

State your Gift Basket rules NOW so you don't have to state them then!

For the Gluten-sensitive, Jolly Ranchers may be substituted in the Breast Casting seminar

r277, the funniest thing is that the whole gluten intolerance debacle has already been exposed as a drama-magnet lie.

Read r252's link

Oh my god.

A MICHFEST WEDDING!

If only such a thing were possible, I could die happy. Right after seeing the many pictures and stories posted online about it - that's when I could die happy.

Bonus points for transportation sagas with pics.

[quote]I did not make the rules [R274], I'm simply reiterating them.

Here's someone who did make the rules. They dont agree with you.

They were rightfully offended when they discovered that some of the items in the basket had been made by PENISED PERSONS! RAPE! RAPE!

Shut up r270, you're an embarrassing yourself. Only the tackiest of brides still have bridal showers. His and her gifts are ridiculous. Are you suggesting blenders for women and BBQ tongs for men? Are you posting from 1950?

"you're an embarrassing yourself."

Oh, dear.

Nothing else need be said.

R280 Emily Post?! LOL.

What I've stated is followed by those seventy and under. Maybe this is a little out of your league.

[quote]Nothing else need be said.

TRANSLATION: Ive been made to look like fool, so I need to find some other way to save face.

R284 Why dont you share a link of the rule that says you only give cash? You said said that is true, so it should be easy for you to provide the proof.

R270 R275 R283 R284, go away. You do not have a defensible position. Not even the excellent "Oh, Dear" capture in R283 can save you.

"Ive been made to look like fool"

Oh, dear, AGAIN.

And why are you defending what R282 wrote?

"Why dont you share a link of the rule that says you only give cash?"

I don't need to provide a link. Unlike you, I've been to more than enough weddings to realize that's how you do it.

Experience trumps any outdated link.

[quote]I've been to more than enough weddings to realize that's how you do it.

Gypsies, tramps, and thieves all over the place today trying to get cash for their tacky weddings.

[quote] All right people. Take some notes. It's time to get educated on how to do it RIGHT.

Tacky present on the land!

Oh, duh. I just realized that the "Tacky Lesbian Couple" actually post here on the DL and that's who has been defending their awful behavior. Hello, ladies.

Look - you got a shitty gift, no reasonable person disputes that. Also, you were wrong to complain about it to your guest, no reasonable person disputes that.

It is not mandatory to give money as a wedding gift. It is not mandatory that any gift be given at all. This is as true in Ontario as it is in Ohio, Oregon and Oslo.

You are in the wrong. Stop whining about it.

Really, there's nothing more to be said.

Wow! The lesbian at R270 is going to extremes to defend the tacky lesbian couple.

[quote]I don't need to provide a link.

TRANSLATION: I cant provide a link because what I said is a lie. I am a liar.

I work for a caterer, and to be honest, the only nice weddings I've ever attended were at-home weddings. Eighty guests tops, on-site ceremony, a nice buffet and bar, and lots of fun. Hire a local quartet for an upscale cocktail hour, and then kick off your shoes and have fun! It's also nice that this "send the gifts in advance" crap can be ignored, as there's no need to pack out as if at a function space at the end. Hire a nice caterer, and keep your guest count reasonable and have a warm, relaxed, reasonably unstructured wedding....at HOME!

At a recent wedding like this, one guest of the bride baked her a wedding cake! It was beautiful for the effort of a casual baker, and was fresh and delicious. Other friends gifted the photographer, and a bunch of older ladies did all the flowers. It was still elegant, but not the typical crass shakedown so many modern weddings seem to be.

[quote]You give gifts at the BRIDAL SHOWER, not the WEDDING.

Do you understand that most of the guests at a large wedding aren't invited to the bridal shower? Bridal showers are usually only attended by the women who make up the bride's circle of friends and family.

The original point of a bridal shower was to help a young housewife set up routine housekeeping. Bridal shower gifts are traditionally things like utensils and small appliances. Conventionally costlier gifts like silver, fine china and glassware are reserved for the WEDDING.

Giving cash is never mandatory at a wedding. Any wedding couple who expect or demand cash and only cash are naive and tacky.

It's funny how straight people (mainly) cling to customs that came from the days when brides were presumed to be virginal and even women who weren't but appeared to be were given the benefit of the doubt.

The whole point of a classic bridal shower is that the bride and groom don't live together and haven't had sex yet. Therefore the bride's female friends and family "shower" her with useful items that she will need when first setting out to make a home for herself and her husband. The bride might get some frilly nightgowns or negligees but mainly she would get utilitarian necessities and gadgets. It was a party without any of the gravitas of a wedding and the gifts tended to be modest and practical.

Now we have etiquette mavens telling us that you are expected to go to a bridal registry and sign up for some desired item of enduring value and call that your shower gift, then turn around and pony up no less than a hundred bucks C.O.D. at the reception. And this mandatory donation is intended to defray the cost of your attendance which your host will see as a liability if you don't fork over the dough. Goodness gracious!

R270/274, but you ARE making up the rules!

Plus another rule of etiquette is that you don't use the rules of etiquette as a weapon or to display your supposed superiority. To do so just makes you an idiot as the wedding couple proved.

"Do you understand that most of the guests at a large wedding aren't invited to the bridal shower?"

Then they don't give gifts. They give cash. Some of you are just arguing for the sake of arguing.

"Conventionally costlier gifts like silver, fine china and glassware are reserved for the WEDDING."

I've known women who have asked and gotten everything from vacuum cleaners to multi piece luggage sets at their bridal showers. Glassware is always on the bridal registries and is a staple of many bridal showers today. I can't think of one where it wasn't given.

Silver and china are usually given by the parents or closest friends prior to the wedding.

Weddings nowadays are about money. It's an unwritten rule. There's even cute mailboxes that you can get for your weddings now that store all of the envelopes that you get at the reception. And what is in those envelopes? CHECKS.

Some of you clearly haven't been to a wedding in the last fifty years. This is how it's done, baby. At least in the metropolitan areas. Maybe not in hicktown, but in every urban and most suburban areas, what I said is completely true.

It's just amusing to read such incredible anger and hostility over common sense.

I agree it was tacky for the woman to make an issue out of it, but the gift should not have been given.

Frankly, this thread has turned into nothing more than the usual woman/lesbian bashing.

Things I've heard at weddings:

"Can you believe it, some people just stuck $50 in their envelope! That doesn't even cover the cost of their meal!" My new sister-in-law.

They divorced a couple of years later.

I will never go to another cash grab--I mean wedding--again.

R299 R298 R270, you're not gettng bashed for being a woman. You're not getting bashed for being a lesbian. You're getting bashed for being a conniving, money-grubbing pig, one who could be of either gender.

If what you say is true -- and after all your insistence, I'll play along and say it is -- I don't want to have anything to do with today's young marrieds.

I wonder if gays will do it differently, though.

Listen to R301, dear cunt at R270/R298/R299. And take your fists out of whatever gape they're in that's preventing the lesson from getting through their thick skull.

It was NOT tacky for the bride to do this. It was a signal, fundamental, significant lapse of all the bases of social action, responsibility as a host, and mannerliness. And that lapse tells of a fundamental feral nastiness that separated these cunts (I should say "your fellow cunts) from being worthy of society. To announce that you are a grifter in the midst of a joyous occasion is the ultimate in self-throat-cutting.

It was not comparably unforgivable of the guests to give a stupid, inept, lazy and inappropriate gift. Such stupidity is now common and something to be overlooked. BECAUSE GIVING A GIFT IS NOT MANDATORY AND SHOULD NEVER BE TREATED AS AN EXPECTED TRANSACTION OF A SOCIAL INVITATION. That you still cannot fathom this shows how base you are, and I can suggest a couple of Canadian twats with whom you fit perfectly. Because even poor hillbillies have more class than you do.

[quote]Weddings nowadays are about money. It's an unwritten rule.

Among money-grubbing idiots with no manners, that is.

Shades of the infamous, extraordinary "Cash Bars at Weddings" thread from the golden age of Datalounge: the early 2000s.

I've posted this before but I'll do so again for the rude, boorish, shakedown artists disguised as a bride and groom.

Read and learn:

1. I had no bridal gift registry. I didn't even think of doing it and my mother never suggested it.

2. As an inviteee, when you received your invitation (by USPS, of course) the only request was notice to my parents by a certain date as to whether you will attend with a self addressed stamped envelope included.

(130 guests were there)

3. When we received you at the reception, besides thanking you for being there, you saw an open bar,tables full of good food served by the catering staff and all the wedding cake you wanted.

Sure, as a guest, you had to put up with hearing "Woolly Bully" played by the DJ and some rollicking Christmas music to dance to, however, you got over it and danced your asses off.

We married on the Friday evening between Christmas Day and New Year's. The holidays, a wedding with open bar and food and cold winter weather combined for the social event of the season in my little flyover, hayshaker neck of neck of the woods.

Jealous, bitches?

My parents knew how to host a party properly, which, apparently, is becoming a thing of the past.

Oh, and most significantly, if you gave us a gift you received a handwritten personal thank you by USPS. If you didn't give a gift, it wasn't noticed.

THREAD CLOSED!

"THREAD CLOSED!"

This isn't a political thread, dear. So there's no need for you to put your hands to your ears and run out of the room yet again. Hasn't that routine run a little thin?

Della, who do you think you are that your life's experiences are the last word on any subject?

THREAD OPEN!

It just comes down to whatever 'rule book' we were all given.

In some cultures, a guest is expected to give cash in an envelope to at least cover the cost of their meal. It's considered tacky/boorish to not do this.

In other cultures, it's considered the height of tackiness to give cash at the wedding. (I've been to some old money WASPy receptions and some people would consider it gauche to hand out cash. Some of the presents, though, run to things like a pair of $1500 antique chairs or a $300 place setting, etc. so I'm guessing the bridal couple made out all right foregoing cash.)

Giving a basket of assorted foods including marshmallow fluff and sourpatch kids may not be considered the most sophisticated gift in some circles. But at the end of the day we all give what we think is appropriate or we wouldn't do it.

Sure, we've all gotten some gifts that didn't resonate for us or seemed odd. But the public reaction to the present says as much about the recipient as the gift choice says about the giver.

It's fascinating when different "Emily Post's" come forward to decree the 'right' way to behave. We live in much more diverse world now and different cultures interact more than they ever have. So there's a learning curve on some level. But at the end of the day, a wedding is ideally a celebration of love and nothing more.

When you bring etiquette and financial expectations into the equation, it's tricky waters.

Christ. Della's been married. I always assumed she was a lady convict getting computer time from licking the slipcovers off the female guards.

Della, as long as we are talking about etiquette, bragging is a serious attack on the principles of manners.

Since you didn't know that.

My last word, additional to the last-and-correct words I already have spewed here at these intolerable cunts and their supporters:

It is incorrect to cite the wedding "traditions" of European peasantry as the proper way to do things. Whether Polish, Italian, Croatian, or whatever, it is only the lowest of the low in these cultured nations who would require a cash-token in any spirit. One supports one's family, one's friends, one's friends' children, one's business associates - in the way comfortable.

Trash is trash and they don't get to call out the rules, which seem invariably to be designed to load money into their pockets.

this lezbo bride sounds like a nasty, old fat cunt!

R307, The purpose of etiquette is obliterate any cultural, ethnic, geographic differences and to give us all ONE set of rules by which to live. It wasn't until the 1980s that you saw in etiquette books phrases such as "or whatever is the custom in you community".

Ah, good point, R312.

You are right. Regardless of the specific cultural expectations of how a wedding 'should' be handled by the hosts and the guests, at the end of the day there is a universal etiquette that ideally takes precedence, i.e., knowing how to be a gracious host/guest in any circumstance.

R270 is the perfect wedding guest. She's the caller for the hokey pokey and she leads everyone in the chicken dance.

Not to mention gives everyone buckets and lines them up for their portion of pig slop.

So from r252's link, the straight guy who gave the basket is no prize either:

[quote]I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!

In fact, he's worse. While the bride is ridiculous and pathologically rude, the guest casually drops a nasty lump of bigotry into his response. Like 'how dare you challenge me when I'm being so tolerant of your kind by attending your gay pretend wedding.'

I don't understand why any of you cowtow to these "rules." Frankly, I would never agree to attend the wedding of anyone who had such a money grubbing attitude. I won't go as that mere acquaintance invited only to up the loot totals.

And if the wedding in question involved family or someone who, for whatever reason, I could not bag out on, I would attend but do what I think is right, not what they are expecting/demanding. I wouldn't care if my expression of congratulations was deemed so insufficient as to cast a pall of their day.

These are opportunities to learn about the character of the people in your lives, so you can free yourself of bad actors and find a better crowd.

I hope these two TACKY lesbians will have a most horrible and painful divorce!

It will serve them right.

Clearly, the appropriate wedding gift for these lesbians is a calculator.

It's the only thing they care about and the only thing they want. Sharing a sacred celebration with family and friends is obviously not on their agenda.

I love you, R317.

They sound like a couple of shady dykes to start with. Getting a gift card to a restaurant and then asking for the family and friends discount?

There's shady dykes, Michfest dykes and the cool dykes. I miss the cool dykes. You don't hear from them as they aren't into drama.

[quote]I don't understand why any of you cowtow to these "rules."

R318 R319, they will probably split up after figuring out whose "side" gave more money "for their future."

R270, you clearly didn't read the whole thread because what you wrote was stated earlier by someone else regarding wedding vs. bridal shower and money at a wedding.

R270 is full of it and I've never been to a wedding where that was the case.

R270 went down in a flames as soon as it was revealed they are a liar.

R244, it appears that my response to R226 was mislabeled as a response to R228 (you), apparently due to the webmaster having deleted an intervening troll post. I'm going out right now to commit hara-kiri -- that probably won't repair the unimaginable damage that's been done to you, but it's pretty much the most I can do.

It's appallingly crude bad manners for these boorish wives to scold an invitee for the present they offered, no matter what they think of it.

I just hope these rancid cunts break up before they become parents

BRING ***CASH*** TO THE BABY SHOWER! I'M TELLING YOU NOW, SO I WON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU LATER!

And if you don't bring enough to the baby shower, you're not getting into the wedding.

[quote]These are opportunities to learn about the character of the people in your lives, so you can free yourself of bad actors and find a better crowd.

Amen, R317!

And I agree with R294 about the home wedding &/or reception -- like in "Father Of The Bride" (the 1950 version with Spencer Tracy & Elizabeth Taylor, haven't seen the remake). If marriage means anything, the ceremony & celebration should be intimate, among the couple's close friends & family members who support the union. People who love each other will know what kind of gift would be meaningful & appreciated.

Maybe this has been covered upthread, but:

The guest claimed his basket contained oils, cheese, crackers "plus fun items like Fluff and Jelly Bellies".

Why is the "fun stuff" the only thing shown or mentioned? Did the "bride" not mentione the other, presumably more expensive items in order to make her "point"?

bump for outrageous amusement

You should never let someone know that you are disappointed by their tacky and cheap gift - you should just take photos and laugh about it behind their back.

Don't these people know ANYTHING?

Thank you, R335, a voice of sanity and reason amid the dross in this thread.

That photo will be treasured as the gift givers live in infamy for the rest of the wedding couple's lives.

I wonder if they're still together? It's been at least 14 months. How long can two awful people tolerate one another?

The 35k should have gone into an IRA

Kindly refer to the wedding scenes in The Godfather, you insipid frauen.

This thread always reminds me of an absolute cunt I used to work with. She'd invited all the teachers in our classroom to her graduation party. Long story short, I was unable to go, but gave her a gift.

The cunt got upset because I didn't attend. In revenge, she deliberately did not invite me to her wedding while telling my colleagues she had, but I had refused, because I was "poor" and couldn't afford a "proper" gift. All hell broke loose and a bunch of friendships ended because of it. Two of us even ended up quitting our job just to get away from the cunt and the two lead teachers.

It was the first time I realized just how selfish these weddings really are. Usually, it's the hets that are gross and greedy, but I guess lesbians can be, too.

Considering this never happened, it's amazing how gullible you all are.

WTF are you talking about, R341?

Link or it DID happen.

It's pretty well established it happened, R341. The news articles at the time gave names and everything.

[quote]Kindly refer to the wedding scenes in The Godfather, you insipid frauen

Yes, because everything that happens in movies is a common occurrence in real life, [R339].

r344 us a humorless cunt who's stumbled unknowingly into the DL, a gay gossip board.

Begone Twaterella.

My former sister-in-law complained that some people only put $20 in envelopes. They had 200 people at their wedding and I think she saw it as more of an entrepreneurial exercise than an expression of two loving souls coming together.

So I gave them a plastic phone I got for signing up for a subscription to Time Magazine.

When she didn't send me a thank you card, her mother stepped in. (This is how far I was willing to take it.) I received a note:

"Thanks for your wedding gift. We use it every day." God it must have been hard to write that note.

Nice try, [R345]. Pity you you were in such a rush to insult that you embarrassed yourself with that typo. "us"? Oh, dear!

Fyi, I'm not new, I am not a humorless cunt, I'm not a frau, nor am I going anywhere at your behest.

Your post was supposed to be funny, [R339]? Better luck next time.

I'm from Boston and my family are Portuguese. At the weddings that we have had to attend we give money to the couple. At the reception area there is usually a place to put the envelopes before you enter. The envelopes are then collected when everyone has arrived and given to the couple at the end of the reception and they take them home.

As for the gift basket if the picture is what was really given, then yeah, it's not the best gift but the bride was a bitch for calling him out on it. Just say thank you and get on with your life.

This is the funniest shit I've seen in awhile.

Laughing my ass off at r346s post. That's awesome! They probably still bitch about that gift to this very day.

They spend too much on a big tacky wedding and also hope to make money off it. And complain when they feel they missed some sort of payment from a guest. What a meaningful, fun celebration of love!

Is this what being "gay" is supposed to mean in 2014? I hate tacky money-grubbing straight weddings and now we have to read about gay stupid weddings? Or trans people promoting male and female stereotypes? Or ones supporting rapist/killers?

I think intelligent gay and lesbian people seem to be completely not heard from in the culture, media. Gay people seem to be loudly represented by the stupid. I do not see this as an advancement.

[quote]The news articles at the time gave names and everything.

Yeah newspapers never get anything wrong.

So much tackiness. Tacky gift, tackier response from the bridal couple.

I am pursing my lips, and ever so gently shaking my head in disapproval.

[quote]Kindly refer to the wedding scenes in The Godfather, you insipid frauen.

You understand that that detail was intended to demonstrate the mendacity of the family, correct?

She/they should just be happy that their straight guests weren't homophobic, and supported them by coming to their wedding.

If you read the article, the brides not only confronted the guests via text, but then publicly shamed them by sharing the info with friends & family, inviting people over to the house to view the terrible gift and then sharing the story with the Toronto Star newspaper!

While the gift basket was awful (Fluff? Jolly Ranchers?), to try to publicly shame a friend or relative because of your own avarice is beyond despicable and makes their poor taste look minimal in comparison to yours.

The story was that they also gave expensive salsas and oils but that wasn't shown in the photo taken to shame them. It wasn't a fantastic gift but this guy had really only worked with one. The hell did they expect?

Who is bumping all these old threads?

[quote]The story was that they also gave expensive salsas and oils but that wasn't shown in the photo taken to shame them.

No not ever claimed they were "expensive", not even the givers. They were President's Choice brand, which is a house brand for some supermarkets. The entire gift, including card and wrap, probably came to under $30.

Which doesn't matter. It is a tacky gift not because of its cost or value, but due to its glaring thoughtlessness. The supermarket candy and pantry items smack of "last minute rush job", and more resemble a dormitory-bound care package than a wedding gift, but the brides are way out of line. You never mention a bad gift, let alone confront the giver. It's just appallingly bad manners.

Don't blame Italians for this rude and greedy behavior. I'm 100% wop, have attended plenty of Italian weddings and I've given gifts or cash, as circumstances warranted, and so have my friends and family. Nobody ever complained. The bitch bride is just flat out IGNORANT.

Gremlins, R358!

Teach the bitch a lesson.I would have acted very indignant, and demanded to know what she did with the one hundred dollar check that I placed in the gift basket.In her anger and fury, she must have managed to lose it. And since she was so rude to me, I have no intentions of rewriting a new check.

Not everyone is savvy about gift giving. For others, it might not be financially feasible to afford a pricey gift at that time, or any other time. And is it fair to expect a single to spend as much on a gift as a family? No one should ever be expected to explain why or how much they spent on a gift. And perhaps, it could be that they just don't even like you!

What ever happened to just gathering to enjoy and celebrate the day, to sharing in the happiness? What ever happened to just saying thank you for your kindness?

You queens are still bitching about this...

"Gift-givers: “… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable."

One thing about lesbian wedding gifts from our store, these women all know our prices by heart, thus avoiding the need for receipts.

The guest should have just given the dykes a strap-on and been done with it. Then again, imagine the complaints: "It wasn't big enough," "We spent $200 on your plates and you were too cheap to buy one that vibrates," "Yulia doesn't like flesh-tone," etc.

This is why I now choose to skip certain weddings altogether. And if I don't attend the wedding, I no longer feel the need to gift, especially if I was only invited for that reason.

R353 pretty much nailed it. The gift was more appropriate for a housewarming or overnight guest stay. However, the brides showed clearly their lower-lower class status.

The irony is, for the amount of money the gift-givers presumably spent on that shitty basket, they could've easily gotten something very nice from a variety of stores: The Body Shop, Lush, even Shopper's Drug Mart or Wal-Mart for fuck's sake!

Methinks all the items in the basket came from their own pantry (as did the basket itself), which is why the selection sucked. I'm surprised they didn't include a box of cereal or a canister of coffee whitener!

It looks like they stopp at 7-Eleven on their way to the wedding and grabbed a few things.

But again, it wasn't like this guy was close family, he had only been one's manager at a restaurant and these sound like greedy, grasping girls. (The friends and family discount at the restaurant where they scarfed down pasta and then one claims her gf can't eat gluten.)

"She’s Italian and her bride is Croatian."

Well, there you go.

[quote]"She’s Italian and her bride is Croatian."

[quote]> Well, there you go.

Yup, stay the fuck away from Croatians, seriously! They are IN-fucking-SANE.

I've got a niece who's a welfare mom. Her mother is pure white trash, she takes after that bunch. Well, the girl decided to have a fancy wedding with the man of dreams.....he was a crackhead, she sure can pick 'em, but that's another story. Most of the invitations she sent out were to her mother's family. She was hoping to get enough money to pay for her honeymoon from the East Coast to the Bahamas. Well, her maternal kin showed up, ate everything, including the produce used as table ornaments. Their gifts consisted of shit from the Dollar Tree. She got $20 in cash from that bunch. And, know what, she sent each and every one of them a polite thank. Turns out the white trash welfare mom with a crackhead husband has more class than a couple of dykes.

[quote] And, know what, she sent each and every one of them a polite thank. Turns out the white trash welfare mom with a crackhead husband has more class than a couple of dykes.

Is that class? Or, the beginning of a passive-aggressive relationship? Pretending everything's fine when it isn't is another terrible choice.

R368 is a shit eating Frau.

Obviously, what this couple did was awful. At the same time, the smug prisspots here going on and on about "class" are delusional. There's nothing classy about writing thank you notes for shitty gifts. It's nice. Only people still obsessed with becoming princesses think in terms of classy or unclassy.

But, at this very moment, I'm sure many of these posters are on another thread with the gall to call someone [italic]else[/italic] a frau. LOOOOOOOL!

I haven't read any of the replies yet. All I can say is that if the gift isn't offensive in any way, no matter how "bad" or trite or stupid it might be, it doesn't fucking matter. It's all just a bonus. "It's the thought that counts" applies.

The dyke is a huge cunt for objecting to the gift.

OK...I hadn't seen it before but now that I've seen a picture of the "gift" I am much more sympathetic with the brides.

Yes,their cunty email and assertion that weddings are a money grab was gauche as hell but certainly not without justification.

With apologies to Ira Levin:

Bitches! All of them bitches!

Q: How do you know you're at a Lesbian Wedding?

A: They pass a basket around at the reception to pay for the wedding.

I can't stop laughing - that gift, OMG! The debt collector response! This is some fine wedding drama.

It says more about DL that has to bump two year old threads to keep something in the pipeline.

Is the cunty couple still married?

If you don't update, there is no reason to bump.

Go bump yourself.

The correct etiquette for the couple getting married is to include the statement "Please decline this invitation if you are unable to give a cash gift of $ 150 (single)/$ 300 (couple)

Bitches

Id KILL to be invited to a $200 a plate wedding,my nephew is having his in a hay barn A haybarn !

Just crash one. r383. The bride'll love to have you. A bride can never have too many gays at her wedding!

'Your an idiot' That text response from 'Laura' is such a classic. And makes the assertion she was chewing gum while going down the aisle, more believable.

I hate weddings. I don't know anyone that truly honestly likes them either. For $200 dollars I would rather go out to eat at a nice restaurant and eat food that I personally prefer. Don't the people who throw those big ass elaborate expensive weddings know that 80% the people there are only there out of obligation and would prefer to be somewhere else. I was at my straight brothers house when he was opening his mail he seen a wedding invitation from his sister in law and he said FUCK!!! and he threw it across the room and bitched non stop for half an hour about "fucking weddings". Who hasn't had a feeling of dread when they get their mail and a wedding invitation is in there.

This is not just NJ. I have gone to any NYC weddings and used to work for a wedding reception banquet hall. It is typical of Italian weddings to get cash gifts. That is true. But I always went with the rule that the gift or cash should be he equivalent of your dinner plate. And having worked 100s of weddings I knew how to estimate that.

But what happen to the registry. That gift may not have been desired, but I always pick something I can afford that the couple has registered for. If they don't include a place they have registered at I will give cash that I can afford, because I don't have time to figure out what they want, already have or need. You also have a year to send the gift.

I remember this thread!

[quote] Don't the people who throw those big ass elaborate expensive weddings know that 80% the people there are only there out of obligation and would prefer to be somewhere else.

That's the point. It's the one day straights get to be selfish, have all the attention on them, and see who their real friends are. As for gay weddings, it's the one day the blessed couple gets to be straight.

I'm totally down with marriage equality, but one advantage of the old days was that if you were gay you never had to go to weddings. Of course, you had to arrange to be cut off from your family so you didn't have cousins' weddings, and so on. But that was easy to do back then. I haven't been to a wedding since the Civil War, except when my Brooklyn friends wanted to get married in Venice and four of their friends had to vouch for them at the Italian consulate with our passports, etc. Then they took us out to lunch in that place by the lake in Central Park. No presents needed. All weddings should be like that: you go to a consulate and get taken to lunch.

Thank you for whoever brought this thread to my attention! I have been lucky enough that my close friends and family do not expect expensive gifts, especially from someone traveling from out of town. Even then, it's quite the expense to attend. $300 for a plane ticket, $500 for a hotel. A female guest can buy a nice dress for $100, try finding a suit for that much. I think because weddings in general are so expensive to throw, no one really thinks about how much it costs to actually attend.

I was excited when my friend got engaged as it was to be the first gay wedding I would attend. Then I received the invite and it read that "in lieu of gifts, we request a $200 Love Gift from each person so we can put that towards the honeymoon, down payment..."

I declined, this is extortion and it seems to be growing trend.

No thank you. It's like panhandling

R385 Laura doesn't deserve a nice wedding. She does, however, merit a class in English Grammar 101. "Dear Laura, You're an idiot. Happy Wedding Day. Here's a damn blender for you and the Mrs."

I went to a wedding two months ago where the bride & groom had a barn dance and a buffet. It was great fun, I’ve never done anything like that before. As they’d lived together for 5 years they asked if anyone chose to give a gift that they make a donation in their name to a charity from a list of 5 provided. It was I think animal charity, homeless, food bank and a couple others. I gave to two on the list because I thought it was a great idea.

Are they still married?

R394 This is so cool! I love this idea! I had a friend do something similar for her child's birthday. She and her husband invited lots of guests for cake and punch and, instead of gifts, they asked those attending to bring canned or non-perishable foods for the local food bank. If anyone was insistent on bring a gift to the child, they recommended books and offered to provide a wish list of books upon request. We gave both canned goods and a book. They had large, pretty boxes set up for the food donations and they were overflowing at the end of the event. I know the local food bank was thrilled! The child later wrote thank you notes to each person who brought her a book. I think she was 7. I was impressed!

It's BA-A-A-A-CK.

Are these bitchy lesbians still married?

In the Asian country where I’m working, it’s all cash. The family keeps tab on who gives how much. So if the Ho Lee Fuks gave $68, you can be sure that when their son/daughter gets married, they will get the same amount. Unless you are really wealthy, the family keeps the money. So if the parents have gone to x numbers of weddings in the past, those people will be on the invite list.

What is the problem here? I'm a lesbian, and I'd prefer the candy over some fancy juicer. They should have just held a potluck barbecue in someone's back yard in lieu of some fancy reception.

The responding bride is a piece of work. No wonder she couldn’t snag a man!

Not to derail the thread, but my sister received from a neighbour, a used 4 inch wooden candlestick, which had been broken and badly glued. We've known these people for years, and the wedding was in a 5 star castle hotel, with all the trimmings laid on. I guess it was not surprising-the particular neighbour was a German war refugee, who gathers her food from the bushes and recycles her leftovers, and who wouldn't give you the steam off her piss, but hubby IS an accountant! We still get a laugh out of it.

[quote]Should have included a nut loaf.

The gift basket should have included a Dollar Tree Pound Cake - they're scrumptious!

R400 You are a sensible lesbian and are to be commended. We love you.

R403 Why waste a dollar on her? Keep the pound cake for yourself and celebrate at home!

I'm with the folks who want to know if the married couple are still together. Where are they now?

[quote] The responding bride is a piece of work. No wonder she couldn’t snag a man!

Thank you. This was my LOL for the day.

Give them a gift certificate to a seafood restaurant...

No sense of common decency anywhere. Words defy me

LOLOLOL

This thread is the cash-free gift that keeps on giving.

R84, I agree. As soon as I saw the hideous basket and cheap contents within, I concluded that the gift givers secretly despise the brides. There is no way in hell that I’d show up to a wedding, and offer up something as tacky and distasteful as an ugly basket, filled with crap from the 99 cents store.

I would have declined the wedding invite, had I been the gift givers.

The bride is tacky AF too. She clearly invited the gift givers with hopes to be compensated with $$$