Who chokes and dies on their own vomit these days?
I can raise hemlines so high, the world is your gynecologist!
"A mixed race baby is the Chanel of babies!"
"We should have pushed it through!"
GURU WOMAN-" Can you feel the life forces flowing? Can you feel them?"
EDDY-" No, but I can smell them, honestly."
Tax the stupid people! Let them die!
"A great big, fat, ugly, armless statue!"
"I've got arms!" (windmilling arms as proof)
EDDY: With any luck we'd get Roman Polanski interested in you.
PATSY: She was never young enough for him.
Eddy, after getting a well-deserved slap from Saffy: "Ow, sweety, OW!"
Leave her! She's not quick enough.
"Pats, I'm 72."
I dont know why, but that line always gets me.
Qu'est-ce qui fait ici?
Saffy: Find Yourself?
This thread warms my heart.
"You don't know me."
"She is a virgin,... in a world where men will even turn to soft fruit for pleasure! Draw your own conclusions."
Patsy - "One child punishes you by leaving, the other punishes us ALL by staying!"
Skin is in..."Moisture" is my word du jour - this all off the top of my head.
When I heard that Eddie was pregnant, I told her to abort! ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!
The knitting needle!
Nick and knack and this and that. All old things taken. Oi! Turn yourself in!!
"However, the day after..."
One more facelift on her and she'll have a beard.
Saffy: "You two haven't had to pay for anything."
Eddie: "I paid for you, darling."
"It's the horrible realization that I must have actually enjoyed playing ping-pong."
Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one.
Patsy: "I'm. Not. Happy."
"I thik she's tremendous!"
"You PIECE of FILTH!"
"Buns so tight he was bouncing off the walls."
[Edina and Patsy are looking at the pornographic magazine 'Razzle,' that Saffy found in her brother's room]
Saffron: It's disgusting! That is so degrading to women!
Patsy: What do you mean? She's the one with the whip!
You only work in a shop, ya know. So you can drop the attitude.
Pasty: She was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.
SEX BITCH ARISTO SEX PUNK WHORE BITCH PROZZIE LEZZIE PUNK TART SLUT. With lovely shoes.
Patsy: Bitch Trog!
Patsy to Eddie, who is wearing a tight dress:
"You look like a Zeppelin in a condom."
Elton John: I think I knew you when you were a man.
Patsy: And I knew you when you had hair.
Elton John: I've always had hair, you bitch!
We do remove the lips first, darling.
Eddie on Catherine Zeta-Jones visiting London during the Olympics: "She'll be off to the Mumbles, won't she?"
Saffy: "That man just touched me!"
Patsy: "He's obviously very old and completely blind."
"No I'm not drunk, I'm at the bloody zoo!"
Jackie (Patsy's sister): Our mother gave birth like a giant lawn sprinkler… scattering bastard babies to the four corners of the earth.
Patsy and Saffy playing Monopoly in the 'France' episode:
Saffy: "You can't just take money from the bank!"
Patsy: "I own Park Place, I can do whatever the bloody hell I want to do!"
That exchange just kills me for some reason.
"British Vogue! French Vogue! American Vogue! Aby-bloody-ssinian Vogue!"
Don't question me.
qu'est que vous faites ici?
I paid a, a huge amount of money for that substance!
You only work in a shop ya'know
Patsy on seeing Saffy in a wet bathing suite:
Quite big tits
"We don't carry your size."
"I don't WEAR my size!!!"
Edina: "Have you eaten, Pats?"
Patsy: "Not since 1973."
That one's a classic!
J-jus-just [italic]things,[/italic] darling. Little gorgeous [italic]things.[/italic]
r54 meet r37
Like a drunk in a midnight choir. I have tried in my way to be free. Yeah, you can laugh, but I don’t want more choice, I just want nicer things!
And you -- you take that look off your face -- you sitting there with your whales and your cancer and AIDS and starvation, skimming any profit off the whole of human misery, labelling us all with this, with this, global guilt.
Yeah well you know it may not be all that great and good, you know, but it ain't that bad!
So come on world cheer up -- it may never bloody happen!
There's nothing I love more than shopping for knick knacks.
I'm just here with a sick friend!
M.P. in drug-crazed sex romp with shock with fash-mag slag
"You can never have to many hats, gloves and shoes."
"The whole world hangs off your cheekbones"
Bubble re Ivana Trump: " Looks like the classic bimbo to me. Look at that terrible blonde hair piled on top of her head, false tan, she's far too thin, always pouting, absolutely no character, skirts too short. I mean, it's pathetic, older woman struggling to look twenty-five." (smirks at Patsy) "Sorry."
Is it...a bee?
Patsy, about Saff's husband: "Is he from Gabon??"
Eddy on Saff's schoolmate: "Something in a blue Kagool is hovering on the stairs."
And my favorite of all:
"Champagne for Lulu!!!"
Eddie: Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
Saffie: That's lovely
Eddie: I hear you call my name and it feels like home
Saffie: Who said that?
Eddie: It's Madonna darling
"Pop-Specs, sweetie! Pop-Specs!
Eddie: Had two husbands, one was too short one was gay. Still sweetie if you want to know how to peck a dwarf on the cheek as he's walking out of the house to the disco in your dress, then I'm your girl.
Eddie: I did tell you the facts of life didn't I sweetie?
Saffie: If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at two in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear 'By the way sweetie, people have it off,' then yes, you told me the facts of life.
"She WAS the slot machine."
"It's a small shoe..."
[About the shop]
India's: had it, been there... Africa's dried up completely now... It's ridiculous... Thank God for Grozny. Honestly. Well, darling, if it wasn't for that lovely little Russian army advancing, thrashing out all those gorgeous little heirlooms in my direction, I don't know what I'd do... Oh, you should see, darling, in the shop I've got at the moment this fabulous little samovar with a little old woman still attached to it, sweetie. Clinging on for dear life. Having to lure her off with dry bread crumbs so that I could get a decent price...
Eddie, completely drunk, gets into the right side of their rental car, grabs for the steering wheel, doesn't find it and screams, "Shit! Someone's taken the steering-wheel!"
"Bloody asthmatic cab driver!"
Saffy: What does that mean?
Eddie: Kind to trees, sweetie
Saffy: How are they kind to trees?
Eddie: Well they ain't made of wood, how kind do you want?!
Patsy: "Gin and tonic, Eddy! Oooooo, gin and tonic!"
Saffy: Ok, I got you condoms and femidoms. You are going to be safe, right?
Edina: Yes of course sweetie.
[Looking in the bag]
Saffy: Have you opened these?
[Waving hands in the air]
Gran: They don't put fingers on these gloves.
Pregnant Saffy: The baby! It kicked!
Patsy: Who wouldn't. I'm rather tempted myself.
I'm with (R24). I l love that monologue-
Douching with mint is a thought. Ten tips for tropical toenails. I'm thinking natural zing. "Moist" is my word du jour. Skin-- is in. Lovely moist wet lips. Wet droplets. Sun, sea, sand, water, waves, beach. I see a photo shoot. I'm looking at two weeks in the Caribbean. And the usual- try to be more beautiful if you want to have more sex.
It's not just bees. They're the GUCCI of bees!
I THINK SHE'S TREMENDOUS!!!
The brilliant Magda Patsy's Editor:
This month I want articles about how lovely spending money is. Expensive things, the better cosmetics are great. I want money, money, money. Spend, spend, spend. I don't want to see any more photos of gormless skeletons with no brains, no make-up and no bloody tits.
Patsy: "You've been a fantastic mother. You've let them ruin your figure. Your stomach's stretched beyond recognition, you've got tits down to your knees, and what for, for God's sake?"
Patsy: Don't let her torture you, Eddy. I mean, she ruined your figure in the first place! She's the one who turned you into this...POTATO that we see before us.
#38 made me laugh: 'Pasty'
Gay men used to talk like this. Now if you get catty, you're "negative" or "a bitter old queen".
Eddy to her mother: "I'm doing regressive memory therapy- I'll get something on YOU".
It's not a line, but the time Eddie and Pats get into their car after getting pissed in a French vineyard...
Because it happened to me and my mum - and I was sober...
EDDY: Darling... look... Lacroix... baby spew... Lacroix... baby spew, darling!
EDDY: Is that what you really want me to be, darling? NORMAL? Some boring old normal old toilet go-er, huh? HMM?
PATSY: Mrs. M...I heard about Mr. M. I uh...condole you.
There are a lot of great Bubble quotes I love, but they don't quite work without Jane Horrocks saying them!
R45 was one of those lines I didn't get.
Help me out here, Justin.
Stoli, babe! I got a bottle!
Models get any younger they'll be chucking fetuses down the runway!
Saffy! Why are you standing so close to your mother?
Judge: Any more of this ridiculous rant and I'll put YOU BOTH away!
Gran: Hear, hear!
Quite big tits.
Is it a hat?
Eddie: All right, time for another little drinkie before we go?
Saffie: Where are you going?
Eddie: New York.
Saffie: I didn't think they let people with convictions in.
Eddie: Darling, its not a conviction.
Patsy: Just a firm belief.
EDDIE: Sweetie, darling. Sweetie, darling. You don't mind me calling you that do you, sweetie? Hmmmm? Do you darling? I dunno how it started but once these things start, it's hard to get out of these habits.
SAFFY: It started because you couldn't remember my name for the first three years.
Pats and Eddie walk into the super market with Eddie waving the list at people passing by.
("Shopping list for Mum..thank you sweetie.")
It kills me that she expects someone to "wait" on her.
Bin bags! Bin bags!
Everyone sit on a bin bag. Sit on a bin bag!
Body coasters! Body coasters everyone!
You! Off there and on a bloody bin bag!
Get on those bin bags!
ANYBODY CAN TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORT!
Patsy to Bubble: "She's emaciated like her brain!"
It's la Croix, sweety darling, La Croix!
Edina: Oooh, sweetie…darling…oh god, sweetie what a day, what a day I’ve had sweetie, darling. (throws herself down on kitchen table) I have been at work since I left here this morning!
Saffie: You want some lunch?
Patsy: Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?
Edina: Get cabs!
Well, how much is the stick? I'll buy my own bloody stick.
"Yeah, but is it art, Eddie?" can be used in countless life situations.
Eddie: This is... This is a, sort of... corpse... in an open, oaken, oblong coffin... Silky lining. It's a dead body, Pats.
Patsy: Yeah, but is it art, Eddie?
Eddie: No, sweetie, it's my father.
Patsy: Are you sure?
Eddie: Yeah, I think so. But I've just never seen him in a suit before.
"And sometimes, when I sneeze...I pee."
Can we just kill the whales?!
Is this the Car Clamp Club?
I want total sensory deprivation and back up drugs!
Give me back my life!
Sisters Grimm can I tempt you?
Magda: Here's my list. Cross her off, she screwed me. Oh, and put him in, he screwed me. Do something on River Phoenix, I really fancy him.
Magda: River Phoenix, Mickey Rourke, Liam Neeson. Don't do anything on anyone called Freud. I don't like them. Bunch of no-talents with an ancestor.
Catriona: But they were in last month.
Magda: So? I'm not running a bloody charity. Just because some old granddaddy invented penis-envy doesn't mean I have to lick their boots!
Its a mixer Patsy, We have it with whiskey.
I don't want more choice I just want nicer things!
Is your hair on purpose?
My name is Patsy Stone, and I'm an alcoholic.
Patsy in traffic court
"Really go for it kids", "mm, yeah, that's delicious" -patsy narrarating the porno that gets shown at saffy's school.
"i was dragged up by you and that piece of flint." -saffy
"squish, squish, i cant do that crying thing sweetheart"
You look like a sad reject from Ready, Steady, Go!
Edina's Mother watching the 70s porn film: "How did I think those curtains went with that carpet"!
Patsy in the son Serge's room when they are looking at his old magazines: "Razzle? - what year? what month?"
"Champagne for Lulu"
"Not a bad life" - in the flash-forward to 25 years later in "The End" episode.
That whole segment of Patsy in New York and Edina arrives by helicopter to rescue her, also in "The End".
All Lindsay Duncan's lines in that recent one where she was the French movie star (a la Moreau or Deneuve) who is Edina's new client.
The "Sex" episode where they both hire the escorts who turn out to be gay rentboys with their hard-on sprays ! too too funny.
Great, big pendulous breasts. I'd like to fill a bra!
"Why did you burn my books?"
"WE WERE COLD!"
Saffie: Was I? By whom? You told me your milk dried up, your tubes blocked and your nipples dropped off.
Eddie: Well... Well, they did, they did!
Saffie: So who was I breast-fed by? Not one of the many saggy-tittied hippies who lived with us at the time, I
Eddie: Darling, it was a commune. That was the point. Anyway, sweetie, I mean, they gave you a good start in life, didn't they? I mean, you're alright, aren't you? Sweetie, you're alright, aren't you?
Edina: God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken bastard, pig-dog-man, are you?
Saffy: You could just say "Dad!" I'd still know what you meant!
Fleur: Have you tried this? It’s a triple acting, alpha-hydroxy acid natural complex to reactivate your skin making you… scientifically more beautiful.
Catriona: Sounds good!
Fleur: “Dermatologists and opthamologists tested non-acnegenic-..” I don’t know what any of this means but it’s forcing me to believe it!
Eddie drinking glasses of wine: No this is the one.. this the one.
Holland Park, Holland Park...
"Mow the Netherlands!"
The mother chirping about Edwina's weight gain: "Too many Christmas cakes!"
Not a line, but a really funny shot of Patsy in the supermarket lugging a case of Veuve Clicquot over to the cart and the pleading expression on Patsy's face when Eddie sees her.
Gran to young Pats: Can't have you turning into a great big gangling wotsit, skinny balinky longlegs, big banana feet.
Turning to young Eddie: Or a roly poly pudding that no-one want's to meet.
At Fashion Awards to Claudia Bing "Yes Naomi's being very difficult" agreeing with Edina
The best part of that r140, is that Naomi was being perfectly agreeable and friendly with the people around her.
Brains is working on the formula.
The sands of time are trickling through my hourglass!!
Visula gag -
When Jackie Stone sees Saffy for the first time, she staggers back with fright.
Mumbles is the small town in Wales where Zeta-Jones grew up. (If that explains the joke.)
I was just trying to be nice.
Tell that little trail of cat sick not to question me.
[quote]GURU WOMAN-" Can you feel the life forces flowing? Can you feel them?" EDDY-" No, but I can smell them, honestly."
I've always loved how Jennifer Saunders is clearly cracking up as she says this line.
My favorite is Claudia Bing's "In conclusion, why change the world, when all you need to do is change people's perception of it?" and "I accept this *totally!*"
I like the 'you only work in a shop' one. Every time I'm in a store where the clerk cops attitude I just want my inner Eddy to come out with that line.
Eddie: Pats, did I tell you I'm opening a shop?
Patsy: Oh.. what are you going to sell?
Eddie: Gorgeous Things!
"Look at you. All grief and resentful care. Here I am in this place of old age and pallid diseases, looked after by so-called nurses. Just gropers of old bones. You come here and hang breathless around me, hoping for me to die. Denied even my intellectual liberty.
Allowed only two Barbara Cartlands a day. Forced to sit on my 'Female Eunuch' to keep their dirty hands off it. The tyranny of children!"
"Oh, for God's sake, just die!"
Good God Edie what are you wearing?
It's La Croix
In the pitch meeting -
Chairs...I was thinking we could do a lovely photo shoot with..chairs
Edite to Saffy
"i knew I wanted you the day you were born, mommy loved you.."
Pats - "However....the day after....."
Saffy and Edina -
You have been getting dressed for three hours and you still look like a bloated circus fruit
You are what you eat remember?
Which makes you a very large vegetarian tart
Edina threatening to order a romanian baby-
Ivan Lendl...IVAN BLOODY LENDL DARLING....
Patsy on the News Edina is dying -
Well what am I supposed to do if you die?
Pop Specs Edina and Saffy
it's a sticker with a green tree
What does that mean
Kind to trees?? Darling...
How are they kind to trees?
Well they ain't made of wood Darling how kind do you want?
Saffy going through Edina's old clothes -
I could take these down to the charity shop
You cannot give these sort of clothes to the poor! Darling I am sure they have enough to contend with without the added humiliation of having to wear last season.
Pats, Edina and Saffy (always the best combo)
My New Year's resolution, sweetie… to have more fun! What's yours, Pats?
Ohh, well, I think I'll just try to be more relaxed.
You? More relaxed? What is that, dead? Well, that cancels out my resolution.
Edina about Saffy
She's so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes
Edina to Baby Spice -
They don't want to know your mum's your best friend. They want you to be some one-armed lesbian asylum seeker. They want the full cellulite shots. They want a 40 in the bed perv orgy with your Spice mates. They want you mainlining, arm jacking, smack crack nightmare, darling. They want you filleted and splayed on the butcher's block so they can photograph all your organs for Heat magazine. I mean frankly, for once, I want to see you foaming at the mouth, stinking of piss in the gutter with this little thumb stuck up Justin Timberlake's arse and you wearing nothing but a Gucci belt.
CHUCK IT DOWN THE PAN!
Because I'm fat, I use these frequently:
"I want to be a ROADMAP of VEINS."
"I WANT THEM TO KILL ME!!!"
"A knick-a-knack and brick-a-brack..." (when Eddie's mum sold her stuff to a pawn shop).
I know that "Skin...is in" has been mentioned, but it's good enough to mention twice.
Squish squish, darling, squish squish.
But Jesus Christ, darling! Not one bloody boyfriend in the whole time that I've known you! I mean, you're not that bloody ugly!...... I mean, God! Here I am, your mother, poised for your first sexual experience and night after night, dry bloody sheets! I'm sorry, darling, but I don't want a little moustached virgin for a daughter, so do something about it!
It is a miracle that I can walk at all. I bless the wonder of life and the newness of living. [pout]
Pats and Saffy
I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, I was scarred for life!
Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear!
Minnie Driver? Is it a dwarf?
Sad we have to go back a decade or so to find a clever, funny show.
When I want a laugh I put on an AbFab or Will & Grace dvd.
Edina threatening to adopt a Romanian baby:
Edina: I wonder how you do go about it. I've always regretted not adopting a Vietnamese when that was the thing.
Saffy: I should imagine you would have to go to Romania.
Edina: Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one. I wonder what Romanians look like, darling. I'll call Patsy, she'll know.
You're still too fat!
Eddie is trying to lose weight...again.
Saff: "Look, mum. All you've got to do is eat less and take a bit of exercise."
Eddie: "Sweetie, if it was that easy, everyone would be doing it."
"If the models get any thinner Pats, they'll be chucking fetuses darn the catwalk."
"If the models get any younger Pats, they'll be chucking foetuses down the catwalk."
You should watch Web Therapy or Veep R161.
Anything Eddi mumbles under her breath to or at Saffron is hilarious.
Pronounced fee-úh-ses, of course
"We like it. We think it's the new millennium."
"Oh, we've TRIED going green, but it's no earthly use..."
"He's the one responsible for MILK and BEEF..."
"Men like something to grab onto! Isn't that right, Oliver?"
Patsy: Oh my god there's something horrible on the stairs!
Saffy: It's me.
Patsy: I'm not blind.
Magda: Hello, Pats! How are ya? Unlucky business with the M.P. Still the "Hello!" thing should sort that out. I better make this quick I've got a lingerie opening and a feminine wash launch to get to by six, and all this with my working champagne lunch with Anouska bloody Hempel floating about here. This month I want articles about how lovely spending money is. Expensive things, the better cosmetics are great. I want money, money, money. Spend, spend, spend. I don't want to see any more photos of gormless skeletons with no brains, no make-up and no bloody tits.
Kathy Burke was hilarious; I wish they'd used her as Magda more than they did.
"You get your dry-cleaning back and it's a REVIVAL!
Many people have said Kathy Burke should have been given a Magda spin off sitcom. I so agree.
Not a line, but in the France episode: Edina, shitfaced drunk, backing the car into a tree as she and Patsy leave the winery.
Unless of course... Unless of course you're gay, darling.
Edina: Sweetie! Are you darling? You can tell me, sweetie. Are you darling?
Saffron: Yes, I'm gay.
Edina: Oh, hoorah!
Edina: Well done, darling, well done!
Saffron: I'm glad it makes you happy, but actually, I'm not.
Saffron: I'm not gay!
[Edina looks disappointed]
Edina: Oh! Break it to me like that, why don't you? Yes... I suppose it's not your fault, really, is it? Just your old mother clutching at straws. Trying to find one exotic, interesting feature about you, but there we are.
[quote]Many people have said Kathy Burke should have been given a Magda spin off sitcom. I so agree.
I would have needed sub-titles or a translator. Thank goodness for CC.
I meant the Golden Girls redo ...
I like them if they're LaCroix
Shomeone took the shteering wheel!
*(Background: Patsy plops)*
Hamish: Where have you been?
Hamish: Ah, off the beaten track ... Andalusia, forgotten Catalania. My own secret Majorca.
Carmen: More like my own secret arsehole. It was a shitty bit of coastline ruined by patronizing English gits. "Oh you must come over and share a rather fine local Rioja."
Oh, piss off you sad twats!
Hamish: Oh, dear. Mr Dictionary seems to have deserted us again.
Yeah, I never saw the appeal in her character because she was almost impossible to understand. One of the best parts of watching AbFab is hearing the incredibly well-written dialogue come out of the mouths of really talented actresses.
Grandmum to a drag queen: "Oh, hello Patsy"
Eddie: Every rich bitch from New York is in there. Hockwenden, Ruttenstein, Vandebilt, Rothschild, Hookenfookenberger, Dachshund, Rottweiler, sweetie.
Eddie Continues Rant: "Free Champagne Reception". Get on to Moët et Chandon, and tell them it's for charity! Get on to Joan Collins, and tell her it's free champagne!
I never had friends or parties or presents, ya know. The first few years of my life i was just locked in a room.
Most Americans can't understand a word Kathy Burke says as Magda. It's too bad because she has some of the funniest lines on the whole show.
What do Romanians look like?
Ivan Lendl! Oh, that would be nice
Ooo... Bear with me, see, I am HOPELESS with names, faces and people.
I DON'T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS!
Eddie: PR! I PR things! People. Places. Concepts...
Eddie: Lulu!... I make the fabulous... I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into...
I love the scene in the episode MAGAZINE when the guy describes the restaurants and menus to Magda in graphic detail after she requests a place to have lunch, she just looks at him and says "Ta." which is cockney english for "Thanks"
What is this, Eastern Europe?
Chairs. Chairs would be nice.
Darling, that was twenty years ago. The wives got the houses, not the hookers!
Chanpagne for Lulu!
There is always a mincing priss like R59 who posts that. It could be 599 posts and she'd still swoop in.
Patsy: Ey, Eddy, Eddy, remember that weekend with Mick and the boys? Laughs Fantastic!
Edina: Fabulous days, darling. [To Saffy]
Patsy used to go out with Keith Moon, sweetie.
Patsy: Yeah, sort of. I mean, I woke up underneath him in a hotel bedroom once.
Edina: Yeah, still, that was going steady for the 60s, believe me.
Edina: Can you just shut Titticaca here up for a second?
"Take this baby away, and bring me another lover-r-r-r!"
"I think I can feel one of my heads coming on, dear. Have you any aspirin? Or some of that homophobic remedy?"
She was so anal retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture!
CHUCK IT DOWN THE PAN
[quote]I love the scene in the episode MAGAZINE when the guy describes the restaurants and menus to Magda in graphic detail after she requests a place to have lunch, she just looks at him and says "Ta." which is cockney english for "Thanks"
Yes! That's a brilliant moment. ("...But the tomates were rather pulpeuses.") That guy is Jennifer Saunders's husband, by the way.
[quote]I am Aphrodite, I LIVE, I breathe...I am Diana....I am Queen DIDO!...oh, what a light, dances over the world!!!! Get out of my way, child! Don't stand in my path while I'm trying to EXPRESS!!!! What are you doing here? They cut the cord when you were born, when my body EXPELLED YOU! Accept your liberty, my little VOID, and let this spirit beeee FREEEEEEEE! Anyway, I got Humphrey and Andre coming over...I'd rather not have you around....if you're planning to go out, don't forget your key.. I'm hoping for a little imaginative SYNTHESIS tonight... and can frankly.... do without... the competition.....BEAT IT!!!!!!!!!!
The Rolling Who?
No, but I can smell 'em!!
New Years Eve Patsy's sister greets her at the door,
"Oh I almost didn't recognize you. you've gained weight."
Patsy, I'm 72 years old
Saffy: I use to dream of lovely families.
Eddie: You had a family!
Saffy: I lived with you and that piece of flint! You dragged me up! I've lived in such worlds I should have known nothing about! Worlds with no morals and no responsibilities! And not just glimpsed - you took my face with your four hands and pushed it up against the window!
Patsy: We should have pushed it through!
Full tit and minge
Now, listen. I've put up with a lot. I've tolerated plastic flower arrangements. I overlooked ceramic hands clasped in prayer and even a sphinx whose head lit up.
But I draw the line at pickled Negro babies on the mantelpiece in a jar!
The very first episode, as a pissed Edina falls out of her car, totters towards a disapproving Saffy - and then stumbles and vanishes behind the wall...
No lines, just the beginning of greatness...
Patsy on Princess Anne:
"The only label she knows is drip dry".
"Oh, you're a whoe with your hair".
Bo as televangelist character:
Epiphany: Facinatin' Lola, now tell me how did Jesus come to ya?
Did he come from the side, did he come from above, did he come straight at ya?
I know he didn't come from below cuz ya wouldn'a been able ta see'm. He'd a been lost down there fer days.
Now how did Jesus come t'ya?
Lola: He came more on the di-ay-ga-nal.
Epiphany: My that's a big word for you Lola! Diagonal.
Patsy was so bad at sweet talking the hot Idris Elba as the bought and paid for escort for their night of sex.
"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Sean Connery?"
"Hey Hilt, if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
Followed by that snorting, grunting laugh.
It's a ... very small ... shoe
[Saffie commenting on Patsy's new Botox look] You look like a haggis with pointed toes. A tight old bladder skin holding together some rotting offal.
She's talking to you!
Every bit of the hog!
Anyone know why they called that girl Titicaca? I die laughing every time I heard that but never figured out why they call her that.
Saffy: You burnt and scarred my best friend!
Patsy: Oh. [nods]
Saffy: Her name is Sarah
Oh, you little bitch troll from hell!
the whole scene when theyre at wine tasting on the effed up vacation!
and the time eddie was locked out and shes begging to be let inside. 'Sweetie darling, let mummy in?' (then satanic) 'SWEETIE DARLING LET ME IN!'
Mum, why does she get to talk to me that way?!
Because she's THIN!
Don't worry about it darling. It was only for a year and then it fell off.
Make mummy coffee
She inhaled our kitchen.
I want them to kill me!
r226, just like Eddie assumed that all Romanian babies would look like Ivan Lendl, she reasoned that poor Sarah looked like people who were from the Lake Titicaca region of Peru.
'I've been to paradise but I ain't never been to me.'
And I love the 'yes, but is it art?' line. Honestly use this in real life.
The best moment was when the kitchen had burnt down and Patsy's head suddenly pops up. The first time I saw that I was not expecting it at all and literally had tears rolling down my face.
My favorite scene was during the poor episode. When they got out and beat on the woman who was honking at them. That was the best episode of the whole series.
"It's a road you know."
"A bungee jump with the chord behind your neck should give the desired effect." - Saffy to Patsy on how to pass for 39
And my all time favorite moment, though not a line: Saffy's extended look of astonishment when Edina tells her she was breast-fed by saggy tittled hippies who have all long died of overdoses since then
LOL Saffy was underrated. The show would never have been the same without that little bitch. Whoever cast her as the daughter deserves a prize. They really look like mother and daughter.
How old was the actress playing Saffy when she did AbFab? I saw her in the BBC version of P&P as Lydia and she seemed a lot thinner than Saffy looked. Of course Saffy was always dressed in dowdy, baggy clothing.
(Edina comes into the kitchen to find her mother making a cake)
Edina: What? This is all my stuff you're using?
Gran: What, dear?
Edina: All this. This... wheat-powder. what's... this?
Gran: Flour, dear?
Julia Sawalha was in her mid-twenties when she began playing Saffy, but she looked much younger. You could totally believe her as a teenager. And yes, she and Jennifer really did look like they could've been mother and daughter.
Oliver (ex-husband's boyfriend) at Edina's 40th birthday party: "I don't see why we should be celebrating the fact that this bitch has lived so bloody long."
Jane Horrocks was asked during a London radio interview if it's true she was originally being considered for Saffy. "Yes, I was," she replied. "But Jennifer told me I was TOO OLD."
Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974.
When sister Jackie visited the girls on New Years Eve, Patsy went down to the kitchen to ask for some of those "food things." Saffy rushed over to her with a dish of something and Pats took a little piece and put it in her mouth. As Saffy and Eddie watched, Pats went through the trauma of having something solid in her mouth. But, she choked it down, much to the amazement of Saff and Eddie.
There is a blooper of that scene somewhere on Youtube and it is just as funny as you would hope it to be.
Patsy: What am I suppose to do?
Edina: Get cabs!
Saffy: What is it that you do anyway?
Bubble: Don't know. Get paid?
Mother: Oh, it's a chap-a-kino. (cappuccino)
Edina: Sweetie-darling let me in, sweetie-darling, let me in!
Patsy: The last mosquito that bit me had to book into Betty Ford Clinic.
Edina: Sweetie what are you drinking?
Patsy: This? Chanel 5.
You little piece of dribble piss
Surgery. Liposuction on the stomach and thighs. Tit lift. Bum lift. Lose a rib.
I just watched the Iso Tank episode... it's pretty genius.
Pats, what do Romanians look like?
When Bubble says, 'It's not just for Christmas, its for life,' when Eddie tells her to get rid of her lap dog - which she bought because she misunderstood Eddie's demand to get a laptop for the office.
There ya go again', mistakin' me for someone who gives a damn!
NURSE MARY: Right. Have you recently had or are you due for your period?
EDDIE: Well, yes, both. Is that important?
NURSE MARY: No. I'm just making conversation.
Nothing made me laugh like Patsy showing up in the kitchen after Eddie was lamenting her imminent demise. (C'mon, live!!...Live!!)
Pats chastises Eddie for not picking her up from the hospital, starts to cough and pulls a long section of tubing out of her nose while Eddie looks on aghast.
(Yeah, I know it wasn't up her nose, but she did a good job of making it look like it.)
I AM THIN AND GORGEOUS!
[bold]MP IN DRUG-CRAZED SEX-ROMP SHOCK WITH FASH-MAG SLAG![/bold]
Lap TOP? TOP?
Hamster from Harrods.
It's all shillings, pounds, and pence to me!
It just comes, and comes, and comes
You want to hear some gossip about someone you don't know?
He looks "plunked"
Bubble: Hoover vacuum's broke.
Eddy: How did that happen?
Bubble: It fell out of the window while I was doing sills.
Very high voice..."Hello! Hello! Hello!"
Edina: "Darling, did I ever tell you about all that? The birds and the bees and the facts of life?"
Saffy: "Well, if you count the time you staggered into my room stoned out of your mind at two in the morning and slurred into my ear 'sweetie darling people have it off, you know,' then yes you told me the facts of life."
"Stare! Stare! Hello! Hello! Stare!" - in Morocco
It's carpet! It's madness! Carpet madness!
"And if you're a bloody psychic psychologist how come I'M always having to phone YOU?"
"Did you just hit me? That's illegal, isn't it?"
"Dermatologists and opthamologists tested non-acnegenic-.. I don't know what this means but it's FORCING me to believe it!"
One of my other favorite scenes that was wordless...after Edina was sniffing Saff because she smelled like yogurt.....and the hot guy give Saff the stare as she's walking out.
Do you think she wanted her(Patsy) stomach pumped again?
She thought they were her antibiotics.
Eddy: "You're quite thin, aren't you, Bubble?"
Pats: "Yes, she's EMACIATED! Like her BRAIN!"