I have been at a new job for about a month now and my boss just lost her grandfather. A sympathy card is being passed around for everyone to sign. I'm not sure what to put down.
The person before me wrote: "Terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I hope the memories you have will bring great joy to you in this difficult time." She's known my boss for longer, though.
Ugh, I was just going to put "sorry for your loss" but that seems wrong. Help me!
Theresnothing wrong with writing I'm sorry for your loss
Only on DL do people have to ask for advice on how to be polite and express sympathy.
"I am thinking of you"
Work is alienating
"What'd he leave you?"
"Know that this pain will not last, and that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Know also that it's a lot more difficult to get out of a room through a window."
How about "Sorry for your loss or I wish you all the best during this difficult time"
Cliches are fine when concerning a death. They actually help people.
'You're not the boss of me"
"If you need to pass eye water, I'll get you some weakness tissues"
Try this, OP:
"Death. The final frontier."
Did he leave you any money?
How are you able to function in life if you can't make even perform the smallest tasks without asking for help???
Write: I condole you.
Then sign it Patsy Stone.
OP, Do you like any of these original words of comfort?
"Although I did not have the privilege of meeting him, I'm sure that he was a wonderful person who will live on through your memories."
"Wishing you comfort in dealing with your great loss of such a wonderful man."
"While he is not with you physically, I'm sure that he will remain a positive influence in your life."
"Your grandfather will live on in your memories of his life lessons."
"With my sincere sympathy."
(It's not an essay question.)
"All this for someone who wasn't even your father"
Take a hot beverage to her office, stroke her hair and sing "Soft Kitty".
When I hardly know the bereaved person & didn't know the deceased at all, I usually say "My condolences to you & your family". You want to be sincere but dignified -- wallowing would seem phony.
If I were closer to the bereaved person, I'd write something like OP's predecessor did, about comforting memories, because that's been my own experience with loss & I'd want to share it.
This is a case where less is better:
"Sometimes there just are no words"
"My sincere condolences."
Don't laugh at OP -- this stuff is hard, especially for young people &/or anyone who hasn't had to deal with it much. Once you've been through it many times, you become more comfortable with choosing the right thing to say under each circumstance. And the bereaved do appreciate it, really.
Dunno - you've had the job for a month and you are signing onto DL from the office? You'd better make it good!
No one FUCKING CARES.
Just don't be like one of my co-workers, who has written "I'm sorry for you lost" at least twice in sympathy cards in my office. It reminds me of the infamous grieving quote from Kelly Osbourne: "I can't breath!"
OP, I disagree with most of the posters who just want you to write overly used and simplistic phrases. You want to stand out as intelligent and caring.
What you write is much less important than you might imagine. It's not about you. "I'm sorry for your loss" is fine. Any of us who have responded to your post have already given more thought to this than anyone who will read the thing.
"Although I did not have the privilege of meeting him, I'm sure that he was a wonderful person who will live on through your memories." etc., blah, blah, blah....
All trite and lovely, but what if Grandpa was actually a big asshole? Stick to 'With sympathy' because memories can be a real bitch.
No charge, BTW.
[quote]You want to be sincere but dignified
Listen to R18. This is a business condolence; a tried and true condolence is best. Don't waste time trying to be original or come up with the "best" phrase.
R28, "With sympathy" and "sorry for your loss" sounds so trite. Just because your relatives were assholes doesn't mean OP's boss's grandpa wasn't a very kind person. When someone close to you dies, you want to focus on the most positive aspects of their personality.
"Can I have a day off to privately grieve for your loss??
I agree, R30 -- but OP barely knows the grandchild & didn't know the grandpa at all. Pretending to feel more than respect for OP's co-worker's loss would just seem phony.
"I'm crying as I write"
"How sad for you."
"My condolences to you and your family."
"It must really suck to be you right now."
I like the way you think, r31!
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout!
So sorry for your Lost. I hope you can cope.
I usually write: "I understand your pain. The same thing happened to my career".
I've ducked the last two sympathy cards that have made their way around my office. I feel like an asshole being the 20th person to write "So sorry for your loss - my thoughts are with you and your family."
Use it as an opportunity, OP. Write: "So sorry, Linda. I actually knew your grandfather. He was a mentor to me and he spoke very highly of you - you were his favorite."
He's dead so she can't prove you are lying. She'll feel obligated to give you a promotion because if she doesn't then Gramps was a failure as your mentor, right?
"Is this a bad time to ask for a raise?'
WW for R31 !
Yeah--But did you kill him?
When my mother died I received several condolences imploring me not to be sad because she would be spending Christmas with Jesus this year. It was very moving and hit just the right tone. Say that.
r41, that's my method, too.
It depends on office size, of course, and the belligerent frau contingent.
Sorry for your loss. And yet Ginny in Billing is still missing.
Rest assured we've baptized his Jew ass in abstentia.
Myeah... What THEY wrote.
Do you actually think she will read all this drivel? Realllly?
R52, I worked with 2 supervisors (one man & one woman) who did closely peruse every card they received & take note of who did not sign, or who just signed without a message. Then they wreaked vengeance on those people until the next card occasion, when they carefully checked to see whether the desired results had been obtained.
This is the perfect time to let it fly about what you think about her as a boss as well as her hair, makeup, and wardrobe choices.
OP, it's possibly even worse trying to come up with a neutral statement for a farewell card for a co-worker you barely know. I work in fairly large office and as R53 says, it's noted who writes on cards and who refuses.
OP I am from the South and you could go all Southern on this if you want to. Something like "Ma'am, I am most sincerely sorry for your loss and wish you strength and guidance during your time of sorrow or some shit." That is just enough to be decent to someone you do not know well and yet it is formal enough for you to not come across as a suck up.
"sorry for your loss is so bland and uncomforting." You are literally referring to someone's loved one (father, grandma, brother, cousin) as a generic "loss." it is oversaid, a cliche, not very heartfelt. It would be better to individually and directly state what has happened and your feelings in light of your friend's time of bereavement (I was saddened to hear of your Grandmother's passing...). Sorry for your loss is cold and cliched.
"It's often difficult to sort your feelings when someone who molested you dies. Good luck."
"He was old. People die. Get over it."
He had a hot ass, but now he's dead.
We are all join you in mourning the loss.
Write down the hyperlink URL to this thread, in blue ink and underlined.
It's a practical gift!
You could go all Westboro.
"He died because America supports fags."
"At least he lived to be old. I can do you if you need it, to make you feel alive. 867-5309"
I remember years ago, my boss's niece died. When they were collecting for a symapthy gift I didn't give any money (I was poor, and I didn't know the niece or like the boss). Her secretary (the one collecting) let me know that "I'll be sure to let her know that you didn't give anything." Yes-Sharon was, and is, a bitch.
Send a singing telegram.
how about a limerick:
As poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young:
the rolling in money;
the screamingly funny,
and those that are very well hung.
"Bummer! I'll clean out your snack drawer while you're out. Remind me to tell you about the freak I hooked up with last weekend."
I don't sweat over these things, I always keep it short. Your boss didn't read the card anyway. No one would ever read every insincere inscription from the gang at the office. It's the thought that counts, not the meaningless words of condolence.
"I wonder what he did to piss Jesus off that much."
But what do you do if someone has already written what you're about to write? Do you sign your name underneath?
"So sorry, I hear he had a real fat one."
"Excuse me, miss, but I have problems of my own."
And sign it "Mimi"
I don't think my question is worth a new thread.
The father of an acquaintance died ten days ago. Is it too late to send an email?
Should I apologize for sending my thoughts late or should I not mention that at all?
Are you a millennial, OP? If so just write;
There are no words.
Wow... Just wow.
You cracked me up, though.
I have never worked in a place where the loss of extended family was marked by a card. Sympathies were expressed, of course, but in person and amongst those working closest with the bereaved.
Is it usual in offices to spread that further afield?
"The Remembrance of the good done by, and times shared with, those we have loved is the only consolation when we have lost them." -Demoustier
Sorry for your loss.
You're in our thoughts/prayers.
Thinking of you at this difficult time.
So sorry about XXX.
WHEN WILL THE TEARS STOP?!
r73, send a card and don't mention the "lateness" of it at all. Believe me, 10 days doesn't feel all that long to your friend.
"Christmas has come early this year..."
Miss Joan *hiccup* Crawford
Whatever his age, he died too soon.
It reminds us all that even the biggest
Life is a sneeze in a tornado
"He's better off dead and working here I'm beginning to think that applies to me, too."
And sign the name of the person you like least.
And somewhere else, in other ink and handwriting, write, "Sincerely thinking of you and your family" and sign it.
And, for the record, the "group office sympathy card" is disgusting. The absolute best thing to do, if you think a grandparent condolence is appropriate, would be to send her a note of condolence to her at her residence. And then if people saw you hadn't signed, they would snipe, and she would know you trumped all of them by following etiquette and making an actual effort. No card, though - sympathy cards are vulgar even in the social spots where they have become the norm. On plain paper (lacking personal correspondence paper or cards) in black ink you write a simple note.
Just write: If you want to get a message personally delivered to your granddad, contact Zsa Zsa Gabor ASAP.
R30 I was just visiting with a friend whose father died about a year ago. He was a mean old man who never once told her that he thought she was a worthwhile person. She's well into middle-age, and her whole life, all she wanted was Daddy's approval, which she never got.
Since his death, she has been approached by strangers who knew him (he owned a fair amount of rental property that the family has inherited and continues to manage), and is greatly surprised and oddly comforted when she hears stories about kind things he did for people, for which he never told anyone else. Even the biggest jerks can do nice things once in awhile, I guess.
Besides, no matter how big an asshole someone is, people always say nice things when they die.
Congratulations, how much did you get from grandpa?
So there's an inheritance involved?
WHEN DO THE TEARS STOP??!?!?!
Unable are the Loved to die
For Love is Immortality.
We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. And yet it should be noted that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human.