Let's pretend "MadMen" is an '80s prime time soap.

At Don's birthday party, seeing that Joan took the very last packet of cigarettes, not to mention swilling down the last bottle of gin, Peggy takes matters into her own hands and finds herself with a gun pointing at Joan's head. Joan lunges at Peggy and they both proceed to fall into Don's pool. A pool catfight ensues. Don is so outraged that when trying to pull them apart he trips and hits his head against the side of the pool. A disorientated Don wakes up from a brief bout of unconciousness and exclaims I CAN'T SEE....I CAN'T SEE!.Close up looks of horror & guilt on Peggy and Joan's face....roll credits.

Pete and Trudy learn that their daughter Tammy has cancer and needs a bone marrow donor. Peggy tells Pete that she secretly found out that a couple, the Fishers, in East Rutherford, NJ adopted their baby, which can be tested for a marrow compatibility. As they confront Mrs. Fisher, an unstable woman who think they've actually come to claim the baby, Mr. Fisher drives by with the baby. Mrs. Fisher yells out in slow motion, "Harry, they've come to take the baby!" as the camera, in slow motion, pans Peggy twirling around. Freeze.

A desperate Don tries to free himself from the ropes that have seen him tied up in the attic of some unknown address. His evil Doppleganger Donnie who has assumed his identity at the office arrives just in time to prevent Don's escape. Unbeknownst to Donnie, Peggie has followed him to the house and walks in on the two of them. Grabbing Peggy by the throat, a desperate real Don frees himself to try and save Peggy. A fight ensues between the two Dons. Peggy sees a gun on the table and reaches for it but she can't tell which Don is which because they are dressed the same! She fires and one Don slumps to the ground! Roger, who in turn followed Peggie, bursts in. "My god Peggy, you've killed a Don!" Freeze frame.

A bitter, envious Betty, out to reclaim Don, learns that Megan is pregnant. In a fake attempt to get to know Megan better for the kids' sake, she invites her to go horse riding. Betty sneaks off to the stable, retrieves a gun she's hidden, and shoots it in order to have Megan be thrown off a startled horse and lose the baby. Her mission was a success, but unbeknownst to Betty, someone was watching. This someone begins blackmailing Betty.

R1 ruined it.

I'm Christina Hendricks revealing my double chin, when I turn for my freeze frame in the three and a half minute long opening credits.

At an advertising awards ceremony, Joan greets Secretary of State Dean Rusk with "Hello, Mr. Secretary. I haven't seen you since Portofino! It was FUN."

Oooh, I smell a career jump-start cooking!

Or maybe that's my Pillsbury "slice and bake"?

[quote]At an advertising awards ceremony, Joan greets Secretary of State Dean Rusk with "Hello, Mr. Secretary. I haven't seen you since Portofino! It was FUN."

Let's not forgot her walking away awkwardly after saying her one line.

Sal Romano's entrance involves him flipping on a light switch and then leaning against a door frame from the effort of it all.

Doesn't every MM season finale end with a surprise pregnancy?! I'm Sara Beth. I'm pregnant with Don Draper's baby and I can't wait to rub it in Betty's fucking face.

Sally runs off with the creepy boy and when Betty catches up with her and the cops say, "Come here, Miss Draper!" and Sally faces them and says, "My name is Mrs. Glen Bishop!"

Betty stops by the office in a rage to blame Don. Later, that night, she opens her purse and finds a venomous snake.

It turns out that Dawn was Carla's sister and got the job at SCDP waiting for the day Don's ex would show up so she could get revenge.

I'm the helicopter shot of the Draper's home in the opening credits.

After Betty Francis spends hundreds of millions of dollars to buy [italic]The Journal-American[/italic] just so she can run a scathing review of "To Have and To Hold," Megan Draper confronts her with the paper, snapping, "Retract this, you VIPAH -- or I'll CRAM IT down your THROAT!"

[quote]Doesn't every MM season finale end with a surprise pregnancy?!

I think none of them.

R6 - Chhristina Hendricks does not have a double chun.

R15 - The first season did (Peggy)

[quote]Chhristina Hendricks does not have a double chun.

I never said she did. I said she had a double [italic]chin[/italic]. I haven't a clue what a "chun" is.

When Joan rebuffs Harry Crane's repeated advances, he drugs her drink at the office Christmas party and rapes her in Bert Cooper's deserted office. When his violent act impregnates Joan, she blackmails him with the information threatening to notify the other partners and his wife. Joan forces Harry to quit his job as head of TV sales, then tells the other partners she will take over his duties. Harry kills himself by stepping in front of a crosstown bus. When Joan's illegal abortion is botched, she's left barren.

Joan finally confides all to Don, who says "I'm glad I'm not the only one who made someone kill himself."

What a joke! I can't believe Lucy Lui now plays the part of Joan In season 5 of 80's Mad Men. I mean she doesn't even look like Christina Hendricks let alone sound like the character. And I don't believe for one minute Christina left the show over creative differences. Rumour was she was fired for asking for more money.

Lane Pryce would have to go from tony Englishman to rawboned, porky American overnight and with no explanation.

I'm Megan, who finds herself pregnant but isn't sure who the father could be. Is it Don? Or is the producer she spread her legs for in order to get that coveted TV role? I will give birth to the baby and pass it off as Don's, until the child comes down with a rare genetic disease that can only be cured through a blood transfusion from the BIOLOGICAL FATHER.

I'm the disaster that burns down, levels or damages the main set so it can be rebuilt- only bigger with dimensions that are far different than the original.

I'm every brightly lit set with no shadows.

I'm Don's long-lost brother who was never mentioned prior to my dramatic arrival. I've just arrived at a time convenient to the plot, and I may or may not have a will with me.

I'm Trudy Campbell. I adopt the latest trends with gusto, so at any party I'll have the biggest hair, the broadest shoulder pads, and the sparkliest sequins. I can't wait to try out my pull pushing moves on Jennifer Crane!

There's really only one direction for this to go in -

Who shot Don Draper?

Ex-wife Betty? After her husband's failed campaign, Betty spirals into another weight gain, and blames her ex-husband for all her problems. Especially since his new wife has turned her daughter Sally against her. Don's threat of a custody battle for Bobby and Gene forces Betty into action...

Daughter Sally? She's been neglected so long, and hates the fact that she's number three -at best- in Daddy's eyes, behind his job and his new wife. Plus, this teen has turned to drugs, and was likely out of control that evening...

Wife Megan? Her husband never supported her career, and was standing in the way of her stardom. But once she learned of Don's affair with Silvia, their downstairs neighbor, she was hurt, angry, and started to plot her revenge...

Dr. Rosen? Don's neighbor has been depressed since losing his job. A nagging wife, and unemployment turn the good doctor to alcohol, pills, and blackouts. And once Rosen discovers an affair between his wife Silvia and neighbor Don, rage takes over...

Ted Chaough? Don's rival-turned-partner becomes a rival again when the inter-office power plays heat up. Not only is Don trying to sabatoge Chaough, but the way he treats Chaough's mistress Peggy pushes him further to the edge...

Pete Campbell? His ex-wife won't allow Pete to see his daughter, and he's saddled wife a senile mother. But he reaches his breaking point when Don squeezes Pete out of the new merged company. Pete has nothing now, and he's intent on making Don pay...

Peggy Olsen? No one suspects Peggy, since she's always been close to her mentor. But what they don't realize is Peggy stumbled across Don's plans to ruin her lover Ted's life, and she was desperate to protect Ted...

Tune in tomorrow, for the continuing story or Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce...

It would be a much better show had they played it like a trashy soap opera.

It's way too dull and sophisticated to be interesting and entertaining.

[quote]Tune in tomorrow, for the continuing story or Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce...

No, that's a daytime soap. We're talking about a nighttime drama series - like "Knots Landing".

I'd watch that, R27.

I'm the diamond clip earring Betty removes before she answers the phone.

Rumours are circulating that the producers are after Bette Davis to play someone's rich aunt. Ava Gardner is also being sought after for a guest starring role as a wealthy international tycoon who is trying to takeover the PR company.

Meanwhile, Melissa Sue Anderson will be joining the cast as a manipulative governess.

I'm the endless parties, that every character attends together, something dramatic is always guaranteed to happen at me.

I'm the executive producer credits that appear across the screen just at the highest, most campiest, most climactic moment of the show.

Peggy #1 is kidnapped by aliens at the end of season 5. When she returns in season 6, she's played by a completely different actress with a different shade of hair and a slight British accent.

henry Francis has died under mysterious circumstances and Betty inherits all of his wealth. SCDP has gone public and Betty acquires a controlling interest, and befriends Dawn and convinces her that Don is a racist so that together they can make Don's life a living Hell, while Betty still tries to seduce him. Betty makes Shoulderpads a fashion trend of the late 1960s.

SCDP has a new client, a Broadway musical version of The Emperor Jones, starring Dorothy DeVry (Diahann Carroll). She has a torrid affair with Don, but when he won't leave Megan for her, she goes mad, walks out in the middle of a performance, and joins the rioters in the street after the MLK assassination.

LOL @ r36. "Now I have controlling interest in Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price, and I shall destroy them."

I'm Sally Draper, the creepy girl back to enact revenge and I have my sites set on Mommy.

Pete is injured when he visits an offshore oil derrick. He spends four episodes with his face in bandages.

When the bandages are removed, he is not only played by a different actor, he is about a foot taller.

I am baby Gene Draper. I have aged five years between seasons.

I am Peggy and Joan's on-location trip to Bangkok which may hold a key for Peggy to find out who the mysterious advertising man "Random List" is- it turns out to be Lane Pryce, very much alive. He tries to get Peggy on his side against SCDP and Joan as his mistress.

This occurs at the midseries high, after which any exotic trips are only done by establishing shots.

And of course "Who Shot Don Draper?" will end up being a randomly picked smaller character like Roger's ex Mona or Allison, the former secretary.

I'm Don Draper's secret son Bob Benson. I go to Don't apartment to reveal myself, looking forward to a tender father-son reunion.

Don doesn't take the news the way I expected him to. Don, dressed in a tuxedo and tails, is on his way to pick up the Advertising Genius of the Decade award. He doesn't have time for me, so just denies that he's my father in an effort to get rid of me.

We get into an argument and I grab hold on Don's arm. Don pushes me away and I fall over the Draper balcony.

While I lay in the hospital clinging to life, Don is arrested for attempted murder and is booked in jail while wearing his finest tuxedo.

In the season 7 finale Columbian Terroists storm Draper, Cooper Sterling & Price. Pete gets knocked out. All the execs plus a visiting Peggy are gathered in Don's Office by these mysterious henchmen.

Joan: (hysterically)What do they want Don?. Don: Maybe boxloads of Lucky Strikes to sell on the black market. Shockingly SAL ROMANO surrounded by his henchmen smugly strolls through Don's office door! Megan: What do you want Sal? Sal: I've come back for what belongs to me... what you stole from me. Roger: What, her mini skirt? Saul: (LOVINGLY) I've come back for you, Don!

Various close ups of shocked faces, gnashing teeth, arched brows and finally a close up of a worried Don and a pan down to his trousered anachonda. Roll credits

I'm season eight, where Joan is now twenty pounds heavier, a foot shorter, and a dark-skinned black woman played by Special Guest Star Gabourney Sidibe.

I'm the shoulder pads that Betty and Megan wear in each episode.

I'm Bobby Draper, who has already been played by three different actors, but no one seems to have noticed.

They're getting ready to send me off to summer camp and when I return, I'll be an 18 year old and played by yet another actor. I'll have a secret drinking problem and a fondness for the ladies, just like my dad. Later this season, they'll introduce one of the girls I got pregnant while at summer camp.

I'm B Conti writing once again dramatic opening score.

We are yellow over-sized letters telling you, who are the actors.

I'm Shelley Winters as Joan's lost-long aunt, who's just arrived in New York to "seize control of what's rightfully mine!"

Head toss.

Cue dramatic music.

I'm the slapfest:

Joan: Bitch!

Peggy: Cow!

Joan: Bitch!

Peggy: Cow!

I'm the out of nowhere pond that has suddenly appeared in the office to allow for a dramatic catfight:

Joan: "You'll rue the day you ever laid eyes on Don Draper."

Betty: "You miserable whale, I'll destroy you!"