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Tom Cruise ‘convinced he’s lost 1/4 of an inch in height,’ freaks out

Tom Cruise has always been insecure about his 5’7″ stature — and word is, his recent press tour for Oblivion now has him really worried. “Since seeing the photos from the red carpet with Olga Kurylenko, Tom is convinced that he’s lost a quarter of an inch,” a source says. Tom could be right: Studies show that men over 40 shrink by a quarter-inch every decade. Of course, being Tom, he is consulting experts. “He’s not ready to resort to surgery or anything extreme,” says the informant. “But he just wants to be sure he’s taking all the preventative measures.” [From Star, print edition, May 13, 2013] Crazy old Tom is so paranoid about his height, and now I’m envisioning him trying out various “home remedies” such as hanging upside down in his bedroom closet like Arnold from “Different Strokes.” He probably even made a call to his favorite Brazilian plastic surgeon to see if anything could possibly be done to remedy the situation. This story is probably true, right? I realize that it’s perfectly plausible for a tabloid to have been short (heh) on stories for the week until deciding it would be great to shoot at an easy target; that is, Tom’s lifts. However, I think we’ve got some solid evidence for this story being true, albeit on a time delay. Remember, Tom and Olga did many appearances together for Oblivion, but then Tom had some time to analyze the various photos, and by the time the last premiere rolled around on 4/10 in Los Angeles, Tom and Olga did not pose together on the red carpet. Yes, Tom made Olga pose all by herself. Also, Tom’s hair is huge! That’s at least an extra half an inch of height-altering, hairdresser magic. Just wait, the shorter Tom gets, the bigger his hair will get. In a couple of years, he’ll look like Yahoo Serious.

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